seer4s - Tumblr blog

[seer4s]

Cat distribution system

[seer4s]

HA

[seer4s]

The way i screamed -it was silent- tell how miserable i am.

[seer4s]

Uh

[seer4s]

Thoughts

sometimes I'm really a quiet, i stay silent and read books and head down. But I'm not afraid to speak up. My head is filled with ideas and all about me is messy. my notebook is messy, my desk is messy, and I am struggling to find the right word. I notice every detail and other person's emotion. I like the way people laughs, I have heavy mood swings. I run more than my body can handle, I'm too honest that people starting to not like me. I crave to be noticed, but i dont like being center of attention. I dont know what is my goal, what is my purpose in this world?

[seer4s]

apologies are pointless to me now. change your ways or get the fuck outta my way.

[seer4s]

Mama cried last night. It was dark and silent and i couldn't sleep. It was wrecking my brain and it hurts so bad that i feel like she spiltted it into half with an axe.

Sometimes it's mama.

Sometimes it's him.

Sometimes it's myself.

I looked into her mind and she's still thinking about that guy. That stupid guy who helped her make me. That stupid guy who left me when i was five. Why didnt she just pushed him away? Why did she prefer to live in this way?

It took a while for me to realized that i have fled into her dream. The blue color of our old house. The color of calmness. But i could hear whimpering and crying. But i ignore it for a while and took a look on my surroundings. Dark brown jacket that lays on the couch near the window. Scattered papers on the floor, like someone has been frantically searching for something in there.

I walk closer to the bed, it's hard to see what's inside because of the silk covering the bed. And as i look, i feel my heard dropped into my stomach.

It was mama, tangeled in bed covers and blanket, her fingers pulling her hair and she curled up like she was protecting herself. She look like she's having nightmare. I wanted to help her. I really did. I wanted to woke her up, spare her from this cruel world. But after i muster the courage to woke her up, there's a light that nearly blind me. A man standing on the doorway, it's him.

He gather mama to his arm, still tangeled in blankets. He rocked her slightly, left and right. Down, up. Forward, backwards. Everytime she make a whimpering noise or a sob, he sushed her gently, reminding that he is there.

She slowly calmed down, and opened her eye. And he already looking at her, he's looking at her with such kindess and passion and-

I gulp, a nausea feeling on my stomach.

He might have even loved her.

I suddenly wanted to throw up.

"I'm sorry i didnt come sooner" he whispered to her hair.

"I'm sorry you have to come" she whispered back to his throat.

He shudder and it's facinating to see as small action making him crazy over her.

I loooked away and tears streamed down on my cheeks