seed-of-lives

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⋆˚࿔ you got mail… 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

hi hi, Dolls… It’s that time of the month again, YOU GOT MAIILL <3

don’t forget to follow my insta @ malusokay

love ya ･:*₊‧౨ৎ

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One day you think: I want to die. And then you think, very quietly, actually I want a coffee. I want a nap. A sandwich. A book. And I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun. I want a cleaner room, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else, I want to live.

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I need to get studying. I'm not feeling that motivated so I think I'll have to change some stuff around. But I'll do it. Trust me.

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I have a test tomorrow (on stuff I should already know) and I just briefly reviewd. I'll just accept my destiny tbh

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November 9th-15th update

I took a break. Last I updated was the 8th I think. It's the 15th. I had a very intense week and I stayed at home for two days (not consecutive) but I didn't skip any tests or anything, I just rested (slept). I really need to learn how to sleep enough because I'm slowly killing myself. I'm always so tired.

I think I'll stop a couple of things from my organisation system because they're not that important right now since I have so many tests that there's always something to study so there's no need, for example, to write down what I'm studying so that I know if I'm behind to recuperate. I already know I am, I can't schedule dealing with it rn though.

Still, I'm happy. I like writing and life and everything. And she's very scary and mean but I love her cause she makes me work and she's passionate and she makes me read and write. She could pick better books though

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November 9th

School was short and fine.

I think I did well in my test.

At home I didn't do much, I didn't even wash my hair. I did start this course I have to do... At least I don't have to pay attention.

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November 5th

I had no tests, school was like that.

At home I did homework for the next day and repeated some stuff but not a lot. I also went to bed late (I think around midnight)

Also I procrastinated today, too.

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November 6th

Tuesday.

I was tested orally and absolutely no one expected that the teacher would test us. It still went well though, that teacher is sooo nice.

Not much else happened though.

At home I did my homework and studied some. I was tired though, and so I procrastinated a lot.

I went to bed at, like 23:00? (Around 7 hours of sleep anyway)

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November 7th

I stayed at home to sleep some. I got to study for my test tomorrow.

I didn't really do much else. Got to sleep at 22:50

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November 8th

I'll recuperate the old ones too.

I spent some really busy days studying, so I didn't really have the time/energy to write these posts.

Going to bed early is really hard actually...

Today I had a test and it should have gone at least fine, hopefully well, but I don't care that much honestly as long as it's sufficient.

Not much else happened at school.

I studied a little with a friend for a test I have tomorrow, and then at home I was tired and cold and I had a headache and without wanting to I fell asleep. I woke up for dinner and did all my homework and reviewing after. It's like 0:30 which is horrible but at least tomorrow's Saturday.

I'm going to bed, night.

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words to use instead of ______

"Very"

Mild: clearly, decidedly, distinctly, markedly, considerably, notably, largely, recognizably, especially, indubitably Moderate: especially, surprisingly, substantially, uncommonly, chiefly, incredibly, obviously, unmistakably, considerably, awfully, wonderfully, particularly Bold: profusely, unequivocally, strikingly, astonishingly, exceedingly, absolutely, exceptionally, extremely, unquestionably, vastly, incontestably

"A Lot" (time)

Mild: often, oftentimes, sometime Moderate: frequently, usually, various, generally Bold: regularly, recurrent, persistent

"A Lot" (size)

Mild: many, much, several Moderate: numerous, bountiful, considerable Bold: multitude, profuse, vast

"Big"

Mild: sizable, ample, large, considerable, great, above average, important Moderate: ponderous, significant, crucial, vast, copious, magnificent, substantial Bold: enormous, immense, colossal, extensive, endless, paramount, boundless, prodigious, imposing, gigantic, voluminous, limitless, essential

"Small"

Mild: slight, limited, trivial, minor, light, puny, superficial, undersized, dinky, negligible, faint Moderate: scant, petite, inconsiderable, microscopic, dwarf, unsubstantial, minimum, miniature, tiny Bold: insignificant, minute, meager, infinitesimal, ineffectual, undetectable, inconsequential

"Good"

Mild: acceptable, favorable, agreeable, pleasing, satisfactory, satisfying, super, able, relevant, accomplished, efficient, reliable, ample, useful, profitable, adequate, adept Moderate: great, honorable, admirable, commendable, sound, splendid, superb, valuable, wonderful, worthy, clever, proficient, qualified, apt, skillful, thorough, wholesome Bold: excellent, exceptional, gratifying, marvelous, reputable, stupendous, superior, exemplary, virtuous, expert, solid, advantageous, flawless, extensive, perfect

"Bad"

Mild: cheap, dissatisfactory, faculty, off, mean, wrong, unpleasant, unwell, low, grim, sour, regretful Moderate: careless, defective, inferior, imperfect, deficient, rough, ill-suited, inadequate, unsatisfactory, delinquent, sinful, unruly, wicked, rancid, grave, harsh, terrible, downcast Bold: awful, unacceptable, corrupt, dreadful, putrid, erroneous, detrimental, ruinous, vile, villainous, diseased, adverse, evil

more words to use instead other words to use instead even more words to use instead

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November 4th

Today I reviewed on the way to school a little. Then after some classes I had the test and it was not hard (it's with no mark, the teacher didn't even take them).

Got home from school, on the way back I was alone and started studying physics.

I procrastinated from 13:30 to 16:00 and I also took a break at 18:39 through 19:30..... Not as much studying as I wanted.

And most importantly, I'm going to bed at.... 0:50..... Ugh.

Tomorrow I want to go to bed super early. And if I really can't study then I'll go to bed in the afternoon and wake up earlier (doesn't seem a good idea, but better than not sleeping and not studying)

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November 3rd

Today I woke up at 10, had breakfast. Went out until like 19:00. (For lunch I had cake lol)

Before going to bed I very slightly review for a small simple test I have tomorrow on stuff I know (I'll keep reviewing tomorrow morning) and tried doing an exercise for physics (did not work at all).

Going to bed at 00:30.

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November 2nd

Woke up at 9am. Rotted away all morning, and all afternoon. Finished writing the wrap up/start of month post.

Continued rotting away. Cried. Now I'll try to organise my work and studies. If someone asked, I spent this break resting...

God I don't want to go tomorrow, they scare me...

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November 1st

Got home, rotted away until bedtime (1am)!!!

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Posting here immediately helps with the sense of overwhelm and anxiety

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October went away... November's coming in

My experiment went well.

The first week, I was settling in, I studied for the first three days and then, since I still didn't have any homework to do, I spent my time setting up my current organisation system, which seems to be working quite well.

The second week, I was still adjusting to the system. It wasn't a very good week as I stayed at home for two days on friday and saturday.

The third week, I started strong, way too strong. In fact, I went to bed at 1 or 2 am for three day straight. For this reason I was sok tired the rest of the week and did not manage to do much.

The fourth week, I was so tired that I kept sleeping in the afternoon and then doing my homework at night, going to bed late and continuing the cycle. I broke out of it only after the weekend.

The fifth week, I did what I was supposed to every day, and although I could have done better I think it was fine. Still, it was a short week and I didn't have much work, so it doesn't really count that much.

I didn't follow some of the rules like going to bed early everyday and preparing stuff before dinner. But considering how I studied almost everyday, taking at worst two days of complete rest and at best only studying very little on one day per week, considering my usual, I did very well.

Now, November doesn't really have that much of a theme. It's between October, when it's all Halloween and waiting for that one day break, and December which is all about Christmas.

It's a full month with no breaks. It's like March. Because at least in January the first week is off, and in February you get a couple of days.

My top priority would be sleeping. It's perfect for it. I don't think I'll hang out with my friends this month, or do anything particular, but that I'll just spend most of my time doing these two things.

I'm struggling a little with some things friendship wise. (Like, I currently hate all the people I know).

So, in spirit. While I had October as a challenge for myself to prove my consistency. And it mostly worked. I'll have my october focused and sleeping enough, eating all my meals, and saying no to my friends when I don't feel like it, speaking up for myself when something is wrong and when people hurt me. I don't particularly care about other people this month.

So, maybe it's all about balance.

This month's rules:

1. Sleep as much as you can everyday

2. Do all your homework and studying on time

3. Stay organised, use that system

4. Don't stress about other people, if they have a problem with you, they'll tell you. You don't need them, not right now for sure.

5. You can always take a break for one day. Just, don't spend it rotting away on social media, sleep instead

I want to try to set up my work so that I'll always be able to take a day off if I need to, so no more assignments for the next day.

Wish me luck!!

Last time using these beautiful dividers by anitalenia. I want November to be less intense so, bare minimum of work, even if it's just adding pictures.