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New Year Question (CY2024)

What are the thing I should focus on?

Trumps Art, The Fool, Princess of Wands

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As per my guardians I have now the capabilities to talk to my Thoth Tarot cards without payment.

3 questions been asked, this is the current limit or number of questions I can ask for now. I don’t do the long traditional reading, I have my own ways and it is only for me I believe.

Q1: What am I afraid of?

Ans. The Universe - for the past months, I have been having lots of anxieties causing series of health issues and insomia. My mind might be overthinking but I’m so restless until now. I have been thinking about death and what comes after that, what does the universe store for me, will that really be the end, or there’s something next but it is just that we cannot go back to this world. I’m really really scared to the point I would really want to be immortal and be a watcher of time. This fear of unknown is so strong. I hope I can sleep peacefully soon.

Q2: What do I want, A power to Destroy or to Protect?

Ans. The Devil - As I see this card, it really looks like no matter how I badly hate humanity, I still really want the power to protect everyone especially the people who are important to me. See them Happy and without knowing the battles I do for them. To become their light or beacon of hope that not everyone will hurt them.

Q3: What do I really seek in life?

Ans. The Stars - It seems it is really the thirst for knowledge is what I feel. I want to learn and know everything, the truth, reality, time, and anwer for Q1 above.

Connection

Personally when I look at it, all of the answers are related to each other. Reason I fear “the universe” (uncertainties) is that there a lots of things I want to know, i’m afraid because without “the stars” (knowledge), my anxiety will only grows. Then this anxiety might cause me being not able to protect people against “the devil” as I’m blocked by so much fear and my wholeself is disturb.

I’m so drown with these thoughts, hoping I can still swim back to my peace through meditation. Somehow sharing it here in Tumbler helps as I can express myself freely with possibly minimal judgement only.

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Overthinking: As the rain makes me remember almost all important decision points in my life, that leads to different paths. I’m now wondering how are the other me are currently doing on their respective timeline/universe/route.

I have seen some of them through dreams. I have seen some familiar faces and some of them seems taken a different route if I compare to my current timeline.

I now wonder how much of the decisions I have made, had an impact on others lives that could lead to their chosen path. I’m wondering How much is the impact of our individual major decisions in life to the people who we have been or just interacted with like our friends, people on the street, vendors, etc.