secretace-ent

[secretace-ent]

Shoutout to aspecs who have dated/had sex but don't want to do so again.

Whether you thought you wanted it but later realised you didn't...

Whether you knew at the time you were just giving in to societal pressures but tried it anyway...

Whether you genuinely did want it at the time but don't any more...

Whether it was a great experience at the time or a terrible one...

Whatever the reason, it's okay to just. Stop.

You can always, always change your mind about whether dating or sex are things you want in your life. Maybe they once were. Doesn't mean they have to be now.

[secretace-ent]

aro positivity posts are great and I love seeing people celebrating being aro because I can feel like that sometimes too but

special shoutout to aros who are still struggling to accept their aro identity and what it means in an amatonormative world. who are mourning a life they grew up imagining and still want but might never have, the close connections they'll make with others only to always come second to someone's romantic partner. I see you, I feel your struggle, I feel your loneliness because as freeing as it is to be aro, it's ok to acknowledge the loneliness and sadness that comes with it sometimes.

[secretace-ent]

Five stages of aromanticism

Denial: I'm just a late bloomer. Oh I just haven't met the right person. I'm not ready for a romantic relationship.

Anger: why is everyone obsessed with romance and why am I not in love yet

Bargaining: I'm going to pick someone to have a crush on. You know, like a normal person

Depression: oh god oh fuck i'm gonna die alone I'm fundamentally broken

Acceptance: WOAH being aro actually rocks #loveloses my favorite color is green now

[secretace-ent]

realizing that most likely all of the crushes I've ever had were developed out of a desperate sense to seem normal. Not in the arbitrarily choosing someone to have a crush on way that I see a lot of arospec people talk about bc I never chose who I liked, but in a "I will fixate on this person because if they end up liking me back it will prove to people that I'm normal and worthy of being crushed on" way. not out of a genuine want for a romantic partner to do romantic things with. quite literally all I wanted was a trophy to show how normal and not weird I am to others because ever since like, the 2nd or 3rd grade I've felt like a weirdo (derogatory) and if I'm being honest? I'm still feeling that way.

[secretace-ent]

For Aromantic Visibility Day, I want to share my respect and praise for:

aros, arospecs, aros who rarely/weakly feel romantic attraction, aros whose romantic attraction grows or fades, aros whose romantic attraction spikes or fluctuates,

aros who previously felt romantic attraction but no longer do (for no reason, for nebulous reasons, or for specific reasons such as trauma), aros who never felt romantic attraction and never will, aros who may feel romantic attraction in the future, aros who look back on their “crushes” and realised those feeling weren’t romantic at all

aros who desire a romantic relationship, aros who don’t, aros who are indifferent, aros who are completely averse or repulsed

aros who feel romantic attraction only to fictional characters, aros who only feel romantic attraction to themselves

aros in romantic relationships, aros in non romantic relationships, aros who are nonpartnering, aros who are polyamorous, aros who use relationship anarchy to define their relationships

aros who enjoy the idea of romantic relationships but would not have one themselves, aros who do not want their romantic attraction reciprocated, aros who do not feel romantic attraction until someone else feels it first

aros who enjoy reading about romantic relationships, aros who write romantic relationships, aros who wish they could find anything other than romantic relationships in media

aros who are allosexual, aros who are neutral on sexual attraction, aros who don’t factor in their sexual attraction, aros who are ace or acespec, aros who are aplatonic or aplspec, aros who are anattractional, aros who are aspec in a multitude of different ways

aros who are loveless, heartless, lovequeer, amatopunk, voidpunk and several other “punks” relating to their stances on the idea of romantic attraction and love

you are all amazing people and you are not “broken” or “wrong” for not conforming to society’s amatonormative values. You are you, unique and marvellous, and that is what matters

[secretace-ent]

the irony of feeling absolutely broken on the first day of pride month :/

[secretace-ent]

Being aromantic but having romantic fantasies? what’s up with that????

[secretace-ent]

being aro (specifically lith/akoiromantic) and having a crush is so weird. because I know the feelings will ultimately go nowhere and I don't want them to go anywhere but god I get caught up in the fantasy of it all. until the moment I suspect the object of my attraction reciprocates and the feelings die, the mental game I play is so bittersweet. because yes, I love the *idea* that it's one-sided or secretly reciprocated but I know if anything real were to happen it would just freak me out. and then it's like. what's the point? why do I feel like this if I know it'll never go anywhere? experiencing romantic frustration as an aromantic is just such a strange cognitive dissonance.

[secretace-ent]

(if you don’t mind reblogging this post, that would be groovy ^_^)

[secretace-ent]

Being aroacespec while having strong aesthetic attraction is so hard to explain sometimes. It's like no, I don't want to date them and NO, I don't want to have sex with them but aaagh I could stare at them all day, they're just so PRETTY 😭

[secretace-ent]

crash

[secretace-ent]

Why are all the coolest and most valid people from these countries? :)

[secretace-ent]

I feel pretty empowered with the aroace label, but I know that there are many who feel broken and guilty. Being sad that you can’t live up to something that society has ingrained into the human experience isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s okay to feel those feelings. 

The fact that the human experience, especially regarding the concept of love, is so regulated is disgusting and I’m sorry that you are suffering because of it. 

[secretace-ent]

i feel like we, as a community, dont talk enough about how FREEING it can be to identify as aroace. to finally SEE yourself, understand yourself, and let go of all the anxiety that comes with ‘traditional relationships’. 

like? being aroace feels like the MOST LIBERATING THING EVER. its a part of me, and its normal, and its natural and free. and when you reach that point (not that you’re required to), it feels euphoric. 

[secretace-ent]

when jaiden said being aroace is the COOLEST and so EMPOWERING to not need a single GRAM of romantic and or sexual validation to be happy- 🥺😭🥰🥺🥳🌈

being not straight

[secretace-ent]

identifying as ace is a constant battle of feeling disconnected from the term and then reconnected during different periods of my life, feeling validated and then feeling judged by others. so i just want to say:

if you are ace and you have sex, you are valid

if you are ace and you dont have sex, you are valid

if you are ace and you go back and fourth between both, YOU ARE VALID!!!!

dont let anyone tell you ‘you just need to find the right person’, ur sexuality isn’t something that needs to be fixed, YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!!!!

these are somethings i have constantly needed to remind myself so i hope ive reminded you of it too. u are valid and i love u no matter which part of the asexual spectrum you are on <3

[secretace-ent]

I'm going to go ahead and assume that for many asexual (ace spectrum) people discovering the term "aesthetic attraction" or "aesthetic appreciation" helped them understand, in some way, their asexuality. Because, in my case, I always thought that everyone was pretty! Women, men, non-binary people, anyone really. Everyone is just ✨ pretty ✨ so I must be bi in some way... turns out I'm not because sexual attraction =/ thinking someone's nice looking 🤡. And that's how I learned what aesthetic attraction is.