scullyamos

[scullyamos]

Signs and Wonders, Cut Dialogue

It may have been a rather dull episode but it had some nice cut dialogue.

Mulder: Scully, squat down. Scully: Why? Mulder: So, I can ride you like a pony right out of here.

[scullyamos]

Empty Spaces by @lokisgame

Read by kristinsauter

Please leave the author a comment if you enjoyed their story 😘

[scullyamos]

In All Things By Peanik0

All Things Cover art by the wonderful @admiralty-xfd​ thank you for this beautiful work!

Summary: Mulder and Scully realize that their journey has led them to each other.

A/N: 5 chapter late season slow burn. Post per manun, millennium, and all things.

Thank you to my betas @alienqueequeg​ @observeroftheuniverse​ @monikafilefan​ and lapsedscholar on ao3. I’m so lucky to have ya’ll!

1st Corinthians: 13 verses 7 and 8: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Chapter One 

Per Manum flashback Scully’s apartment circa November, 1999

Love bears all things

Mulder teetered on the edge of anxiety and hope as he paced around Scully’s apartment. She insisted that he wait for her instead of coming along to the final IVF appointment. It wasn’t a surprise to him; she’d held him at arm’s length from the beginning of the process. Even though he’d wanted to be there, it wasn’t for him to decide. So he regretfully respected her wishes.

Logically, he knew that their chances of success were fairly low, but the idea of another failed pregnancy was almost unbearable. What would he say to Scully? What would he say to himself? 

He flopped down on her couch and sighed heavily. Up until recently, he hadn’t thought much about being a father. Having a loving family seemed like something other people got to do, but not him. What would his place be in the child’s life? What would his place be in Scully’s?

And with that thought, Mulder drifted into a dream-filled sleep.

As he slept, the boy on the beach appeared to him once again. It was similar to the vision that he’d had during his anomalous brain condition several months ago. But this time Scully was there with him, and they were a family. For the first time in so long, his heart was light. He was finally able to make her happy, and in turn, he was happy too.

When he awoke it was all dashed away. The IVF failed. There were no more chances.

All Mulder saw in Scully’s eyes was a vast cavern of hurt and longing. When she burrowed further into his chest, Mulder held her fiercely. If he could shoulder all of her pain, he would. 

“Never give up on a miracle,” he said after her sobs subsided. In response, Scully kissed his cheek, then the corner of his mouth. And he held her for a long, long time.

Slowly, Scully broke away from him and walked down the hall. Mulder was sure that she was about to kick him out. She always did whenever things got too intense between them. Thanks for being here, but I need to be alone now, she’d tell him. But those words never came. 

He followed her to her bedroom, planning to give her one last word of encouragement before he left. Scully braced herself on the door jam like it was the only thing holding her up. Mulder saw her conflicted thoughts as they washed over her face.

Scully moved into her bedroom, but Mulder stayed put in the doorway. The light from her bedside lamp illuminated her hair and skin. She shone like a beacon. His knees knocked together. He was spellbound. He stood motionless, caught in the space between here and there. Between the hallway and Scully.

“Do you ever feel lonely?” Her chin trembled. His heart was an iron anchor as it sunk to the bottom of his stomach. And so he went to her. When he reached out to steady her chin, she caught his wrist with her fine-boned fingers. “I do.” Now her eyes were liquid oceans, ready to spill out at any moment. 

You don’t have to be, he wanted to say, but didn’t. Mulder willed his eyes to tell her everything that mere words could not.

“Me, too.” His voice caught on the “t”. The pause between his words held several lifetimes of meaning. 

“You know, from the beginning of this process, I thought to do it alone was the best choice.” She twisted the blanket between her fingers. “Maybe my only choice… but it’s just been so hard.”

Mulder’s heart ached for her again. Ached for what had been taken away from her. After all, wasn’t her infertility his fault? If he hadn’t been so invested in his damn selfish quest Scully would have the kind of life she deserved. She’d be married to some doctor, and she’d have all the children she wanted. A three-bedroom house with a white picket fence. He wanted to give those things to her, but maybe it was too late.

“But you didn’t have to do it alone, Scully…” he gulped. “We’re partners.”

“But not partners in this.” Her hand rested on her empty womb. “I mean, not partners in that way.”

“Why not?” he asked. Scully tsked and shook her head. 

“Because you said that you didn’t want this to come between us. I didn’t think you were interested in… taking a more active role.”

Mulder shook his head, annoyed at himself and his previous comments. “I didn’t know what the future held… for us, and I didn’t know how to ask what you wanted.” He paused, and placed her hand over his heart. “I never wanted to make you feel like you had to do it all alone. I’m here, Scully. I’m always here.“

“Thank you,” she began, “But it doesn’t matter now anyway. Anything that might’ve happened… well…” her voice wavered. “I suppose it was too much to hope for.”

“It wasn’t too much… there could be other options… we don’t know yet. I only wish I could’ve given you this…” He gestured toward her. “After everything that’s been taken away from you.”

Her eyes pierced through him; Scully saw him as no one else did.

“But, Mulder,” she whispered. “You’ve already given me so much.“ 

He pulled her to him once again and wrapped his arms around her. They stayed like that for a long time. After a while, Scully placed another kiss to the corner of his mouth. She lingered close to him, so close. His heart thumped a new rhythm in his chest. Mulder found himself aching to kiss her, and he saw in her eyes that she wanted the same thing.

But it wasn’t the right time. 

And they both knew it.

—

Keep Reading on ao3.

[scullyamos]

Happy Rolling Stones Magazine Cover Day!

May 16th 1996

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Lovely Gáios, Paxós, Greece by  Nilüfer Orhan

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This is prophetic as shit!

The Stages of Not Leaving Your Apartment.

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hello yes 911 i’d like to report a murder

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I wrote down this idea when I was half asleep so I have this paper that just says “sand guardian but it’s mulder”

based off [x]

[scullyamos]

fic; Doorway to the Gods

msr | rated M to NC-17 | chapter 1 of 5 | season 5, pre-Patient X | romance, case file, sci-fi | Mulder and Scully travel to Arizona to investigate the ‘Doorway to the Gods,’ a rock formation that is said to give wanderers access to a parallel universe. 

A/N: This is a continuation of a standalone that I wrote awhile back. I figured out a plot and everything. Lots… and lots of UST in this one, folks! Hope you enjoy. 

___

Ditat Deus. God enriches. The state of Arizona claimed it, but the state of Arizona was a liar.

Arizona. In June.

Deus dereliquit nos.

Scully was too tired to be angry, and therefore too tired to do her job. Every time she went to dust off the sand from her jacket, a more startling amount would shake out of her hair. Sandstorm season lifted earth into the sky and hurled it at the cities, whose people, seasoned desert folk (and certainly well done) only rolled their eyes and drew their curtains. Wait just a minute, and monsoon season would put it back in its place.

An orange Mulder fumbled with the keycard in front of her, and she managed a smile. With some glaze and a quality kiln, they could be collectible.

“Only one room left.” Mulder unlocked the door and held it open for her with one hand, wiping the sweat from the back of his neck with the other. “This is the last one not filled with sand.”

“As long as it has air condit–” She closed her eyes and stilled in the doorway, tightening her grip around her luggage. God had officially walked out on them. Hotter on the inside, like human skin. Mulder sucked his teeth and patted her shoulder sympathetically. She cringed at the heat of him on her back.

“They turn off all the units,” he explained. “Because of the dirt.”

“Mulder.” A prayer, a curse, a plea – it showed up at least once per case, never in the same tone, always reliably ineffective.

“People are missing, Scully.” With another touch to her shoulder, he called first dibs on the shower.

Seguir leyendo

[scullyamos]

[scullyamos]

Mark Mann talking about his photoshoot with Gillian and David

[scullyamos]

She keeps her grief locked in a box, compartmentalized, and catagorized in her brain, under feelings.

The quiet formidible strength she posses is a result of her ability to keep her emotions and her actions separate. She isn’t sure when she learned how to do it- but it happened instinctively- as a way of self-protection.

The truth was, she felt too much. Emotionally, she would feel things deeply, and viscerally. Sadness would manifest in tears and a deep feeling of melancholy would seep into her bones. Anger was hot, burning through her veins like fire. Happiness was akin to nirvana, the high that drug addicts would chase by shoving needles under their skin.

Right now, as she sat accross from her partner, quietly doing a expense report that was supposed to be on Skinners desk twenty minutes ago, she felt a sense of contentment. The fact the there was no active cases, and a free weekend (without her partner) looming in the very near future, she felt almost euphoric.

Her plans included a nice quiet, relaxing weekend that involved a bath, wine, reading and laundry. The order of which was to be determined.

He looked up, perched his glasses on the desk, and handed her a pen. The only thing left was her signature. She didn’t even bother to read it, or check it because she found herself not caring. She scrawled her loopy, perfect signature- the result of years in catholic school where the nuns only tolterated perfection- and slid the report back to him.

“You’re not going to even review it?” He asks, quirking a eyebrow at her.

“For the first time, I trust you, at least in regards to this,” she said shifting in her seat, under his curious gaze. “Well, okay then.”

He leans back, and stretches, as she takes it off his desk. “I’ll go run this upstairs.”

He nods, as she stands to leave. The politeness between the two of them unnerves her. It isn’t them, and she knows exactly why. They haven’t talked about it, nor does she want to. It was a one time thing, a ill-considered night.

A week ago, she woke up in his bed, and slipped out under the cover of darkness.

She was grieving, and he was just there, as she’d been for him. Her sister had been murdered, and when he wrapped his arms around her, she felt protected. He knew what it was like, too. He understood. She needed that. She needed to feel something other than grief, and when she kissed him it was remarkably clear about what her intentions were.

“Scully?” He says, stopping her in the doorway, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she says, offering him a soft smile. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she steps into the elevator, she feels lighter. She takes her time, and makes small talk with Skinners assistant, Kimberly. She tries to be carefully normal, when it’s taking everything out of her just to exchange pleasantries. When Kimberly offers her condolences about her sister, it takes everything in her not to cry. “Thank you,” she says, hoping she sounds sincere.

The phrase, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ has lost all meaning. Melissa wasn’t missing or lost, she was dead, and her body was decomposing in a casket buried next to her father. That was the truth. As a medical doctor, specializing in death, she was intimately aware of what was happening to her sister, as the world went on without her.

She blinks back a tear, and wipes her eyes, as she rides the elevator back down to the basement. To her surprise, he isn’t there and she breathes a litttle easier. Deciding to go to the file cabinet, she tasks herself with organizing the flies. The mindless tedium of it allows her a modicum of peace.

She’s begun to start on the S’ when she stops. X-MAS101762: Scully, Melissa Ann

She didn’t know he started one, and was assured the VCU was handling her case. Then again, they both knew that her sisters bullet was meant for her. It should be her. She was warned, after all.

It should be me.

It should be me.

It should be me.

She couldn’t take it anymore and slammed the cabinet shut.

“Scully,” a familair voice said, startling her.

He was looking at her as if she were some fragile piece of glass. The look of pure concern on his face, was enough to make her want to scream at him. I’m fine, Mulder. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

“You’re not fine, so cut the crap.” Her eyes widen, she hadn’t meant to say it out loud. “You’re quiet, you’ve barely looked at me all day, and your... grieving. You really should take some time...”

“I’m not taking time off, Mulder,” she says, folding her arms. “I need to work. I need to figure out who shot her. I need...”

“When was the last time you ate? Or slept? And don’t lie to me.” He cuts her off, and she glares at him.

She wasn’t sleeping, or eating. She was actually staying at a hotel, until her landlord was able to secure her a new apartment. The couple in the fourth floor one was due to leave, and it was hers. She just had to last one more week. Her silence was the answer, and he gently put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m worried about you,” he says gently.

She doesn’t say a word, and her lip quivers. She can feel the tears building, and a emotional outburst in her partners arms isn’t something she should be doing. It’s exactly what led to them having sex...

It’s like deja vu when he pulls her into his arms, and she lets him. Her vulnerability scares her, but she’s too fucking overwhelmed to care. When she finally allows herself to cry, he just holds her, and she can feel him crying too as his chest heaves.

His chin is on her head, and he envelops her, probably hoping to take the pain away, which he knows is impossible.

When she finally runs out of tears, emotionally spent, he pulls her away, and looks at her. He takes his thumb and rubs away her tears. It’s intimate, far too intimate for just partners, and she looks at him resigned. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What? Cried?” He’s confused. “Dana, it’s normal to cry.”

“I don’t,” she says, stubbornly, taken aback by his use of her first name. “It’s...”

“What? Weak? Vulnerable? Because guess what, I don’t look at you any differently then before.”

Before what, Mulder, she wants to ask. In some round about way, she knows he’s taking about their encounter. The one they don’t talk about. The one they both pretend didn’t happen, because it was a moment of weakness on her part, and Dana Scully wasn’t weak.

“Why are you pulling away, when all I’m trying to do is help you?”

His question startles her. It’s as if he’s reading her mind. “I’m not pulling away,” she counters, “You’re holding me.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant,” he says, letting her go. “You came to my apartment looking for comfort, and then we slept together. You were grieving and I feel like I took advantage of you...”

“What? No.” She’s floored. “I initiated it,” she says, and looks at him. “You did nothing wrong.”

“So, why did you leave before I woke up?” He’s got her there. She feels like she’s backed into a corner, and she doesn’t know why. “And why haven’t we talked about it?”

“You want a conversation about what it means?” Shes incredulous. “Because honestly, Mulder, I have no idea because we’d been dancing around our attraction for over a year. I never crossed the line, scared of what would happen if we did because you mean so much to me. You’re my best friend, and adding sex into the equation just makes everything more complicated.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “Not even a little bit. Do you?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I think it was inevitable.”

Maybe it was. “I... am not doing okay,” she finally admits, and he nods. “I know, Scully, I know.”

[scullyamos]

[scullyamos]

“And they hold each other tight […] in love.”

‘The Truth’, Original Shooting script.

[scullyamos]

Holy shit

"Cowgirl" from the Ka(M)a/(S)utra series I am beginning.

As I wrote in the description on AO3, I genuinely don't know how many poses I will get through, considering many of them will push my anatomical studies beyond my artistic abilities (lol), but consider this the Kama Sutra with Mulder and Scully. ❤

(Click here for the full drawing.)