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You know you've fucked up when you go to a doctor and the thing you have wrong with you has been named after an occupation that isn't a thing anymore. Like imagine a doctor looking at you and going "yeah you've got ox-drawn ploughman's disease. We don't even test for that anymore. Yeah the reason you've never heard of it is because the last known case was in 1927 and happened to some guy who was like 98 years old and didn't believe in modern medicine of the time. What the fuck have you been up to."

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this one goes out to all you sickos on tumblr at 10 am on a monday

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yeah “i can teach you” is kind and gentle and warm and comforting. it’s also hot. right

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They fucked that old man to pieces

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People who give pets a bit of chocolate when they know it’s their pets last day are a bit of a funny concept. Imagine being old and friends with an alien who will live ten times your lifespan and they’re like “ah shit he’s dying, well since you’re dying anyway haven’t you always wanted to know what uranium tastes like?”

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Oh my god i said last night that this doge shit was making me feel like oppenheimer and now trump is comparing it to the manhattan project... Too on the nose. too on the nose. this is going to make me break my weed break early i need to use a substance or two

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antipurpose flour this shit will actively kill you if you use it for anything

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accidents can happen, when you use the "flame cleanse me" incantation in the twinned armor

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