scaredblackbutterflies - Tumblr blog

[scaredblackbutterflies]

01/05/2024

[scaredblackbutterflies]

For the past several months I have been out of work, after some terrible life events in which my whole life kind of fell apart.

My Dad died, my 10 year relationship ended, I had to pack up all my stuff and move from one end of the country to another twice. It's been rough.

I've been feeling a lot of guilt being unemployed and living off savings, and feeling that dread that comes with watching those funds get smaller and smaller with no income to restore them, while I try to pick myself up and put some kind of life back together.

At the same time, I was starting to feel more and more imposter syndrome about my ADHD because I was managing to get into some good habits. Cooking proper meals. Staying on top of the dishes and laundry. Getting the bins and recycling out for collection on the right days at the right time. Picking up some of my craft projects and even learning some new ones. I started regular driving lessons. Started doing some DIY in my new living space to fix it up.

I finally felt ready to dust off my CV and try to get a job again. And I got one. Yay! Or so I thought.

I only started this week, and I am already so tired. It's taken everything I have to make sure I got up and ready in time. That I had clean and suitable clothes to wear each day. To get groceries and make myself food each day. The dishes piled up again. The house is a mess. So much food has gone bad that I had to throw out. The crafts I started last week are sitting half done next to me and I don't know if I have it in me to pick it up again. I forgot to update important documents and had to cancel my theory test, and postponed my driving lessons.

I feel like I can do one or the other, but not both. A full time job earning money, or a full time job keeping a household running and living my life. No matter what I'm always going to feel like I am spinning plates, running from task to task to try and keep up until the plates come crashing down. I won't know which plate I forgot until I have to pick up the pieces.

I'm so tired.

[scaredblackbutterflies]

Saw this a few days ago and still laughing!

[scaredblackbutterflies]

i want so badly to be more offline but alas the siren call of images

[scaredblackbutterflies]

‘I Need Autonomy’ inspired by Jenny Holzer

[scaredblackbutterflies]

whenever you masturbate god kills another US marine

[scaredblackbutterflies]

*taps the glass* hey, y'all know that what you might want isn't necessarily what's best to legislate?

[scaredblackbutterflies]

Your boyfriend is too small he fell into the bong and died

[scaredblackbutterflies]

[scaredblackbutterflies]

Bird is perplexed by another bird’s decision to hang upside down

[scaredblackbutterflies]

Sorry but if youre going to share gofundme’s to help Ukraine you actually do need to be incredibly careful to make sure they’re not donation links to fucking Azov’s Legion and Right Sector. Like, come on.

I don’t care if the thing says “these are vetted reliable sources!”

Take the three minutes out of your time to check and see that its not a carrd with direct links to a website thats like “Look at our beautiful soldiers from the Right Sector Assault Battalion!”

Either that or realize that not everything can be solved with cute little donation links and not everything can be solved with reblogging and retweeting and actually sometimes the world is fucked beyond your personal helping. God.

[scaredblackbutterflies]

i’m pretty sure at this point if someone held me tenderly id just black out

[scaredblackbutterflies]

Spongebob, stop playin' with me pussy lips or yer fired! Agagagagagagaga

[scaredblackbutterflies]

[scaredblackbutterflies]

[scaredblackbutterflies]

[scaredblackbutterflies]

I'm sick of people ragging on plague doctors. They did their best against a disease that makes your skin vomit shit armed with only Greek textbooks translated into Old High German from Grammar School Latin from stilted Hebrew from Berberized Arabic by a monk with boils for eyes. We have nanotechnology and satellites and we're getting fucked to death by a mediocre flu.