scaramouchefootrest

[scaramouchefootrest]

destined

synopsis: the universe is very cruel to not bestow a soulmate to the child who fantasizes of having one.. 

warnings: heavy angst, slowburn, slight enemies to lovers if you squint, nagireo are soulmates! cheating (but not by reader or rin), a bit fast paced in some scenes, graphic description of a breakdown, mentions of trauma, car accidents, hospitalization, happy ending  

wc: 18.1k

genre: soulmate au

notes: i passed out forty seven times but here's the fic :DD oh. my. god. i did not expect for a silly little brainrot to have reached me this far, this fic was a lot of work and i hope all of you enjoy it <33 special thanks for my girlies (pibby and koca) for being there when i rant about the loss of will for this fic but i managed to finish it !!! oh my god aaaa aight i'm going to take a nap

taglist: @tim-shii, @venusbby, @kakujis, @daiseukiis, @kokoqian, @lizzy-me, @rinnietoshi, @hyomagiri @no-name-no-business, @shortymctotty, @rroxii

they say that the night before you turn sixteen, a mark will appear on your wrist. it was the universe finally giving you your soulmate, the one you were destined to love. 

in a world where one is destined to be your soulmate, you couldn’t help but fantasize about it at such a young age. you remember listening to your mother’s stories of how she and your father met and how it felt like the odds were in their favor and it seemed like the stars aligned when they first saw each other. 

“will i ever find my own soulmate, mommy?” you asked, your mother cooed at the wondered look in your eyes as she looked at you through the mirror. her hand in your hair, braiding it as you tried replicating it with your doll. 

“i’m sure the universe will give you somebody that you’ll love unconditionally.” your mother says, smiling softly at the sound of delight that left your childish frame. 

“i’m sure i’ll love them unconditionally, too!” your mother laughed, before launching off to a story of how she and your father came to be. 

you couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

to say that the wait felt like forever would be an understatement. the thought of meeting your soulmate one day has always plagued your mind. you never had crushes on the kids your age, you never accepted confessions from the guys in your class because you thought that meant betraying your soulmate. 

your best friend, reo, has always been supportive of your talks about your potential soulmate. he doesn’t care if you’ve already told him the future you had envisioned after meeting your soulmate, how you’d probably meet them in a cafe that you frequented, or maybe you’ll met them in a cliche setting where you trip and they catch you in their arms. 

reo has heard it all and he lets you repeat it whenever you feel the urge to, he was a year older than you, you were beside him on the night he gained his mark and now, he’s beside you as the two of you giddily sat on your bed, awaiting for the mark. 

“do you think it would be as pretty as yours?” you were excited, reo could tell as much as you were subtly shaking on your bed. 

“that’s subjective,” reo scoffed, carding his hands through his hair. “no soulmate mark can be prettier than mine.”

you pushed him off the bed, laughing at the glare he sends you. 

5 minutes. 

your eyes couldn’t stray away from the alarm on your phone, alerting you of what will happen in a few moments. 

“hey (y/n)...” reo started, you hummed, not even looking at him. “what if we were soulmates?” you make a face, causing reo to burst out laughing. 

“reo!” “i’m sorry, you should’ve seen the look on your face!” he laughed as you glared at him. “(n/n), i love you but i think that we’re too powerful to become soulmates.” you nodded in agreement, “definitely. the world would never handle us!”

you and reo shared a laugh before your phone vibrated a bit, 

30 seconds left.

“reo! oh my god.” you instinctively gripped your best friend's hand as you watched the seconds go down. 

20 seconds left. 

“reo… it’s happening.” you quietly squeal, body shaking in anticipation as you watch the number go down to fifteen, then ten. 

“five.” 

“four.” reo counts down with you. 

“three… two…” 

you hold your breath as the last second passes, your eyes automatically flitting to your wrist.

a gasp leaves your lips as you see a line forming at the middle of your wrist, stretching at the expanse of your skin. you watch with wonder as lines and patterns adorned the skin of your wrist, blending beautifully as the line ends, completing your mark. 

you looked at your wrist in awe. a smile slowly forming at your face as you carefully examine the intricate design. 

“reo!” you turned to your best friend who was looking at you with a big smile on his face. “oh my god, reo, look! it’s here!” you say, waving your wrist in front of him, the both of you laughing with glee. 

your plans of looking for your soulmates together was now coming to fruition.

“how does it feel to have a mark now, (n/n)?” reo laughs as he lets himself fall down on your bed. 

you smile, tracing the details with your fingers, only to let out a strained sound, immediately alerting your best friend. 

“it feels nice! but reo…” the purple haired male turns to look at you. “is it supposed to hurt…?” 

“what?” reo’s eyes widened. 

“my mark… it hurts.” you say, as you feel a scorching sensation of where your mark lay. it felt like the mark was being traced by a sharp blade as you closed your eyes and clutched your wrist, whimpering at the pain. 

“reo… why does it hurt?!” you ask, reo was panicking alongside you. it didn’t hurt when he got his mark, so he couldn’t answer you. 

“i-i don’t know… mine didn’t hurt when i got it!” “reo… it burns.”

tears filled up your closed eyelids as you clutched your wrist tighter, it was excruciating. it felt as if you were being punished for reasons you didn’t know of. 

“(y/n)...” reo said quietly, barely above a whisper. as if he were scared to startle a sleeping bear. 

“your mark… it’s turning black.” what?  

your eyes opened immediately, eyes trained on the mark that used to be a pristine white, darken as seconds passed by. 

“reo, what’s happening?” you panic. “reo, please, make it stop… what’s happening?!” you cried, helpless, to your best friend who didn’t know what to do.

you kept repeating those words until you let out a scream, alerting your mother who was downstairs. 

the mark burned, it felt like you were being sliced open as the pain of your mark dissipates. realization sinks in as you look at the now darkened wrist. 

you didn’t have a soulmate. 

your mother bursts through the door, eyes filled with worry which turns into shock once she sees you being cradled by your best friend, your hand protectively on your burning wrist, the pain feeling as if it were a newly put out flame, with the embers haunting you. 

your mother sees the darkened mark and feels tears build up her eyes as she walks closer to you, letting out a sob alongside you who clung to her while reo patted your back comfortingly.

in a world where a white mark means that you have not met yet, a golden one indicating that you are now connected and a gray one meaning that they have died. 

the universe was cruel enough to give you a black one. meaning, your soulmate didn’t exist. 

your mother curses the stars above as you wept for the soulmate you never had. 

life goes on, it has to. you were now twenty-one, working in a cafe near your university. no longer do you weep for the life you fantasized when you were a child. the permanent mark on your wrist was a reminder that you will never find the one destined for you, but that was fine. you’ve gotten over it. 

or so, you convince yourself. 

reo met his soulmate at the age of eighteen, his name was nagi seishiro and when you were first introduced to him, the longing for a soulmate sparked once more. 

your best friend described meeting his soulmate like sparks flew as a buzzing sensation was felt throughout the mark on his wrist and it got progressively intense when they neared each other. reo said that it was one of the few times he ever saw nagi run, and it was to him. 

you couldn’t help but be envious of how reo’s mark that used to be white was now a shining shade of gold, nagi’s wrist matching the same shade as they held hands. when you saw how nagi looked at reo when he went off on a tangent on the most random topics, you couldn’t help but think if there would be someone who’d look at you the way nagi looked at reo. 

when reo suggested putting yourself out there in the market, you almost wanted to scoff at him. 

it seemed pathetic to try finding people who didn’t have anyone fated to them. it seemed desperate to look at people’s wrist and wonder which shade of gold would display on their skin, who would pair well with the person with the white wrist walking by the street and how did the stranger with the gray mark lose their beloved. 

but still, as much as you tucked that hopeless romantic feeling that your inner child kept trying to push out desperately, you think you’d give love another shot.so, with a sigh and a nod, you let reo set you up with acquaintances he knew. 

it took years of blind dating to finally settle with reo’s friend’s friend. his name was karasu tabito, and you think that you like him more than you intended. 

when you first met him, your eyes immediately flitted to his wrist, it was white. you didn’t know why he’d bother going on blind dates when clearly, there was someone waiting for him. but then again, maybe he had a bit of hope that he could accidentally be matched with his soulmate. 

on the second date, you couldn’t help but ask why he even bothered, clearly you weren’t his soulmate. he only waved it off with a laugh, saying that he didn’t care what the universe says. he’d date who he wanted to, a stupid mark shouldn’t get in the way of finding someone. 

and from that on, you and karasu clicked, even going as far as asking you to move in with him after the sixth month of dating. 

life was good, you were in a steady relationship with karasu and neither of you could care any less that you weren’t each others’ soulmates. 

“baby, i’ll be back before dinner. don’t miss me too much.” karasu winked you rolled your eyes as he pecked your forehead. 

“i can’t believe my boyfriend is going out on the day of our seventh month.” you tut playfully. “oh baby, ‘yer killing me.” karasu said as he snakes his arms around your waist, placing a short kiss on your neck, nibbling on it.

“just go.” you say laughing as he faux pouted when you pushed him out your apartment door, closing it in his face, laughing harder you hear his muffled voice yell at you playfully through the door before his footsteps receded.

you think you love karasu. you loved how he’s shown you nothing but utmost loyalty and gave you the love you deserved. how your hand awkwardly fit through his whenever he intertwined it with yours. how he’s made you feel like the only girl in the world and you’re the only one that mattered. 

and nine months in, you still find yourself falling for the ravenette.

hours passed and you decided to get started on dinner. you planned on making karasu’s favorite, in celebration of the nine months the both of you got together. you were so caught up in chopping the vegetables that you didn’t see your phone vibrating. 

once you finished preparing dinner, you checked your phone. eyes softening upon the sight of karasu’s contact name. but that didn’t last long as you felt uneasy upon reading his message. 

something came up, i’ll be late. 

you shook your head, mentally scolding yourself for assuming the worst as you opened the tv of your apartment, trying to rid your mind of your boyfriend’s texts. 

you weren’t sure how long you’ve been staring at the screen, trying to make sense of the series that you’ve already watched one too many times. 

karasu still wasn’t here. it’s been three hours since his last text and he hasn’t responded to any of your follow ups. 

you didn’t want to seem pushy, but the food was getting cold and you were worried that something had happened to your boyfriend. it was unlike karasu to not message, he usually manages to send a quick text no matter how busy he is. your thoughts were clouding your mind, the moving images on screen were now seeming like a blur of random colors and sounds.

you perk up once you hear the door of your apartment make a sound, the jingling of keys is loud as you watch the door open, your boyfriend entering with a blank look on his face. 

“tabito… you’re late–” “i texted you.” he cut you off stiffly, not meeting your eyes as he tightened the scarf he was wearing. 

a scarf that you didn’t remember him leaving with. 

“right…” you say, trying not to alarm him. you didn’t know why he was acting like this. he left the apartment in good spirits a while ago. maybe it was work?

“uh… i’ll go heat up dinner.” you say, awkwardly walking around him to get to the kitchen. 

“we need to talk.” you freeze, your back was turned to his, so was he. you turned your head to see him with his head down and from the way his body was postured, you can see him fiddling with his thumbs, a telltale sign that he was nervous.

“okay.”

dinner was the dictionary definition of tense, and you couldn’t pinpoint why. you could barely taste the food that you made as you watched karasu push the pieces of meat on his plate, occasionally shoveling small bites.

“are you– is the food good?” you asked, trying to make a conversation and break the tense silence that was deafening. he gave you a small forced smile as he nodded.

“yeah.” 

then that was it. 

dinner consisted of you trying to talk to your boyfriend who was giving clipped answers, you wanted to question why the hell he was wearing a scarf and a jacket in your warm apartment and where did he even get it. those weren’t the clothes that he left with. 

now that you think about it, he barely made eye contact with you when he got home. 

“tobi… did something happ–” “i met my soulmate.” the world felt like it stopped. it felt like cotton was being shoved into your ears as your heart erratically beat in your chest, as if it were trying to escape its confines as karasu’s words echoed in your head. 

“w-what?” “my soulmate.” karasu finally looks you in the eyes, “i met her.” 

“oh.” you gulped, not exactly knowing the right words to say. 

“i…” “can i see the mark?” karasu was thrown off by your question, the long sleeve he was wearing was now raised to his forearms, showing you the golden mark. 

you felt numb. you didn’t know what to say nor do as you looked up to see karasu guiltily looking at you. however, your eyes couldn’t help but flit down to the loosened scarf, widening once you saw the bruised skin of his neck. 

you wordlessly yanked the cloth off, karasu immediately covering his neck with the marked forearm as you backed a few steps away.

“t-tobi…” “i-i’m sorry.” karasu says quietly. “something happened between us. i didn’t mean for it to turn out like this.”

“clearly someone did.” you scoffed, feeling rage fill your body. “you couldn’t keep it in your pants until you broke it off with me, huh?” 

karasu took offense to that, it was clear that he did as he slammed his fist on the table, startling you. 

“i told you, i didn’t mean for it to happen!” “but it did!” you say, feeling frustrated tears build up. 

“i would’ve understood that you would leave me for your soulmate, i don’t stand a chance against the universe, tobito!” you say, throwing your hands up in the air and letting the angry tears roll down. 

“but couldn’t you have at least broke it off before you fucked her? was our relationship just not important to you that you’d immediately drop me because you met her?” you ranted, not paying attention to the way karasu’s hands balled into fists. 

“you’re making a big deal out of this.” karasu said with clenched teeth. “we both knew that this relationship wouldn’t have lasted.”

“i never thought abo–-” 

“how the fuck is it my fault if my soulmate managed to make me happy in the few hours i met her compared to the months i spent with you?” he cut you off and the next sound the both of you heard was your palm meeting his cheek 

“fuck you, karasu tabito.” 

the ache in your chest worsens as you see karasu turn his back to you as he leaves the room. 

“i’m over this.”

you were twenty-one when you felt your second heartbreak, twenty-one when you told yourself that maybe love just wasn’t for you. 

“come on, (y/n), take a break.” reo whines as you type in your laptop, finishing up a document due tonight. 

you were now twenty three. it’s been a year, eight months and 21 days since karasu broke your heart and left nothing of it. not that you were keeping count. 

“reo, you know i can’t. not everyone is a ceo-in-line with a malewife.” you mumble, causing reo to laugh out loud at your retort. 

“i’ll have you know, nagi is now trying to look for jobs outside the subsidiary company of mikage corporations..” “emphasis on trying, reo.” you roll your eyes, knowing the lazy tendencies that nagi had. it’s been like that for the years that you’ve known him and clearly, reo was more than happy to provide for him.

“give him some credit.” reo pouted before smiling fondly at the thought of his snowy haired soulmate. 

“what a simp.” you mutter playfully, only to feel a balled up piece of paper hit your forehead, it was the paper that encapsulated the straw for reo’s drink. 

“jerk.” “no, you.” reo said as he stuck out his tongue and placed his lips on the drink, sipping his iced beverage. 

“... so–” 

“no, reo.” 

“i didn’t even say anything yet!”

 “we all know where this is going, reo. you’re going to try setting me up with someone… again.”

“hey!” you give reo a look as you stopped typing on your laptop. “no i won’t.” you quirk a brow at the purple haired male. 

“i won’t!” reo reiterated, raising his hands in defense. “oka–” “but nagi will!”

“huh?”

“hey, (y/n).” you don’t know if you could call it comedic timing as you jumped a bit after hearing nagi’s voice. the snowy haired male plopping down the seat beside his lover.

“go on a date with my coworker.” 

“no.” 

nagi turns to his soulmate, “sorry, baby, i tried.” “nagi!” 

the snowy haired male sighed before turning to you once more. “please?” 

“no.” “reo, she said no.” 

reo gives him a sarcastic smile, “i know, love. i can hear her from here.” the purple haired male sighs as nagi plops his head on reo’s shoulders. 

“hey… (y/n).” nagi calls out and you look at him with an inquiring brow. 

“remember that favor you owed me?” your eyes widened, and nagi knew that he had you. 

“nagi…” “what favor?” reo was confused as he looked between the two of you. you shook your head at nagi who gave you a small smirk in return. 

“go on a date with my coworker.” nagi repeats, a daring look in his eye, something in you tells you that if you said no once more, he’d make you regret it so with a sigh, you mumbled a bitter “fine.”

nagi gave a hum and a nod in response, making himself even more comfortable on reo’s shoulder. 

“nagi, my love?” “hm?” “what was the favor?”

“nagi don–” “remember when we were in freshman college and your tub in the bathroom was suddenly stained purple?” reo nods and you want to disappear.

“well, that was (y/n). i don’t know what she did but i took the blame for it.” reo’s eyes widened. “was this the one where i ignored you for a week?” nagi nods, pouting slightly and reo couldn’t help but lean a small peck to his lover’s lips. 

you wanted to retort but reo looked at you with a mischievous grin. 

“well, now you have to go on two dates with him!” 

you sigh, knowing that you would have to make yourself look presentable for whenever the date would be. 

your phone suddenly vibrated on the table after a few minutes of conversation with the couple. 

“shit, i have to go!” you say as you gather your things in your bag, looking over at your best friend, he gives you a nod and helps you pack up your things. 

“a work meeting, right?” you nod, standing up once all your things are gathered. “i’ll see you soon, reo, nagi!”

“text me when you get there!” reo yells as you nod and wave them off before running out the door. 

you only had ten minutes to arrive at the office, you were supposed to leave earlier but the conversation between the three of you flowed so naturally that you reached your final alarm. 

your legs were trying to pick up its pace, not noticing the man who was running as well, intercepting you and causing you to fall on your bottom. 

“watch where you’re going.” the man said as he glared down at you. you couldn’t help but stand up and glare right back, right into his piercing turquoise orbs. 

“i could say the same thing, asshole.” it was a pity, really, he was tall, had dark hair and was really handsome.

but he was a total jerk. 

you can see him roll his eyes at you before turning away, “your files are on the ground, better get to it.” he muttered before walking away. “fucking klutz.” 

your fist clenched, wanting to give the man a piece of your mind but you were already running late. you hastily grabbed your files before taking off once more, hoping that you wouldn’t be late. 

the odds weren’t in your favor and you ended up having to explain yourself to your boss.

oh how much you wanted to punch that jerk of a stranger. 

“no, because, reo, if you were in my position, what would you have done?” you say as you ranted, putting on your cardigan and fluffing your hair in front of the vanity mirror. reo was on his phone as he laid down on your bed. 

“i think i would’ve been sued for punching him.” reo mumbles absentmindedly. “exactly!” you slammed your hands on the dresser, causing reo to look startled. 

“god, i can’t believe he couldn’t even have the decency to help me! it’s not like it was only my fault that i bumped into him? can you believe that?” 

reo only laughs at your frustration before standing up and heading over to you. 

“alright, (n/n), you’ve let it all out, now it’s time to make you prettier for the date.” reo says as he sits you down in front of the mirror. 

“let’s make him fall in love at first sight.” he winks. 

“now, we can’t have you looking all grouchy for your date, right? that isn’t popular with men.”

“fuck men.” you retorted, causing reo to laugh before he helped you apply your make-up. 

“i have a feeling you’d like this one.” 

to say that you were nervous to meet this mystery man would be an understatement, this is the first date you’re going to ever since… him but you had little to no hope, you didn’t want to assume and get hurt in the long run so with a deep breath, you opened the door of reo’s car and got in.

“are you nervous?”  your best friend asks as he drives to the location nagi sent him. 

“a little?” you say honestly, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten out there and put yourself in the market, so to suddenly be thrown into a blind date was nerve wracking. 

“don’t worry, it’s nagi’s friend. i don’t think nagi would refer you to an asshole.” you gave him an incredulous look as he turned the corner. 

“wasn’t it nagi who introduced karasu?” “karasu was a friend of a friend, that doesn’t count.” reo defends. 

you and reo bickered over your bad taste in men and their terrible skills at setting you up with men on the way to the restaurant, you knew that once you leave the car, the nerves would take over once more so you do your best to not let it show to your best friend. 

“we’re here.” he says as he turns off the engine, causing you to give him a puzzled look. 

“me and nagi aren’t going to leave you alone for your first date so you can rest easy, think of it as a double date!” reo beams as he exits the car with you following right after. 

reo immediately came to your side and linked your arms together before walking towards the entrance. 

“reservation under mikage.” he tells the hosts who welcomes the both of you with a smile, leading you to the private room that reo reserved. 

once the two of you stopped by the door, reo unlatched his arms from yours and held both of your shoulders. 

“alright, we’ll give this a chance, okay? he might seem… a bit closed off… but i think you can open his cold heart.”  you raise a brow at him. 

“and you’re telling me this… seconds away from meeting him, because?” “i forgot to mention it.” reo shrugs.

“reo–” you were cut off by reo opening the door, pushing you inside, you had to regain your bearings as you were caught off balance. 

“so… (y/n).” you hear nagi say, “meet rin.” your eyes flit towards the man who sat beside nagi, eyes widening as you see equally shocked turquoise eyes staring right back at you. 

“you—” “so, being a klutz just comes naturally, huh?” he interrupts you, you stood up glared right at him, wanting nothing more but to suffocate him with the napkin that was folded like a swan by the table. 

“uh…” you hear reo ask quietly from behind. “do you… know each other?” 

“no.” “yes!” rin quirks a brow at your aggression. “this is the asshole i’ve been telling you about!” 

reo’s eyes widened as he let out a loud “oh.” 

“why are you here?” you asked the tall male who quirks yet another brow at you, one more quirk as a response and you were about to shave his goddamn brows off. 

“nagi invited me.” “don’t tell me…” you turn to look at reo and nagi who were suddenly by the door. 

“this reminds me, i have to talk to the manager of this place, my father told me that there will be a partnership between our corporation and theirs so… nagi, come on, let’s go!” reo said, pulling his lover outside the door, the tall lanky male following with no question. 

you sighed, this “double date” was already not going the way anyone expected. 

“so.” you hear rin say after a few seconds of silence. “do i get a name?” 

you gave him a grimace, as if you couldn’t believe what he was saying. “you’re kidding, right?”

“i’m not.” he rolled his eyes, “is my impression that bad that you won’t even give this date a chance?” 

now that you think about it… wait. was he trying to gaslight you? 

“i don’t even know you.” you say, “that’s the only impression i have so i don’t think you can blame me for not wanting to be in the same room.”

you scoff, feeling a bit bad for the way you were responding. god damn it, his gaslight was working.

“...fine.” you relented. “just this once.” 

rin says nothing as he pulls out your seat for you, pushing you towards the table once you sit down. 

once the both of you ordered, silence took over the room and you wished that reo would stop acting like he’s doing anything important and come back to get rid of the awkward tension. 

“so…” you begin. “you didn’t answer my question earlier.” rin cuts you off, you gave him a confused stare. 

“does being a klutz come naturally?” your hand twitched as you adjusted the napkin on your lap. 

“are you just trying to pick a fight?” you responded, “you can’t answer a question with a question.” he evaded your question smoothly. 

“no. i’m not a klutz-” you roll your eyes, “you just happened to be in the way!” 

“and you were so mean about it too! what was that about?” you couldn’t help but question him. 

“i… it wasn’t a good day for me. sorry.” your eyes widened at his sudden apology, “if you apologize like that, then it’s weird for me to not accept it.” you say, an unconscious pout on your face. 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but… how about we start with a fresh slate?” rin says, straightening up in his seat when he sees you nod hesitantly. 

“great.” he says before putting out his hand. “itoshi rin.” he introduces himself. 

“really?” you teasingly looked at his hand. “you’re offering a handshake on the first date?” 

“would you rather i kiss you instead?” rin rebuts, your eyes widened and that seemed to incite a chuckle out of the male in front of you. “so, your name?”

“(y/n)(l/n).” you begrudgingly replied, placing your hand in his in a firm shake. 

“it’s nice to meet you.”

when reo and nagi comes back, they were half-expecting to return to the room with table sheets thrown and glasses broken, maybe even food stain on your clothes so when they pushed the door open and see rin smiling out of all expressions, it’s safe to say that they were bewildered. 

“oh, reo. nice of you to come back.” you say, smiling sarcastically at him before stabbing the piece of meat on your plate, your knife in hand postured in a very questionable angle.

reo gulped, knowing that you were aware that he made up such a dumb lie to leave you and rin alone, but he thinks that he’s done a good job, even if you were currently glaring daggers at him. 

“oh, rin, you’ve met (y/n)?” nagi said as he sat beside him once more, you and rin blinked in confusion, from the corner of your eyes, you could see reo slap a palm on his forehead. 

he knew that he told nagi to act stupid, but not that stupid. 

“yeah… you kinda… left us no choice.” you answered for rin. 

“so,” reo interrupts as he sits next to you, across from nagi. 

“you enjoying the food so far?”

dinner ends with the four of you drinking wine and sharing stories as if you were old-time friends. the previously tense and awkward atmosphere disappears and the night ends with laughter. 

when it was time for the four of you to leave, reo pulled you aside. 

“is it okay if rin drives you home?” ���what?” you were bewildered, sure you and rin were somewhat decent tonight but you don’t really trust him enough to know your location. 

“please? nagi drank too much and you know how he is when he’s drunk…” reo said as he clasps his hands on your right one, silently begging for you to say yes. 

“why can’t i just ride with the two of you then?” “well…” “don’t answer that, use protection.” reo smirked before pleading once more. 

“come on! i’ll sponsor your first official date with rin!” “wha–” “i’ll even buy you whatever you want for a week, just say yes!”

“a month.” “fine, now let’s go before nagi throws a drunken fit.” reo hits your shoulder playfully as the two of you reunite with nagi and rin.

rin was supporting nagi’s weight, grunting whenever nagi leaned further on him. 

“for such a big guy, you’d think he wouldn’t be a lightweight.” rin complained to reo who immediately latched his arms around his lover’s waist, taking off the weight on his coworker. 

“you better make sure that you take my bestie home safe, itoshi.” reo warns as he pokes an accusing finger on rin’s chest while supporting a drunk nagi with his free arm. 

“whatever.” rin rolls his eyes lightheartedly as the couple walks off after reo hugs you goodbye– extendedly, nagi too. 

when the two finally left your sights, you turned to rin with a bow. 

“it was great meeting you, but it’s fine, i can take a cab somewhe–” “don’t be ridiculous. it’s late. and mikage entrusted me with bringing you home.” rin interrupts you as he guides you to the parking lot. 

“besides, i don’t mind.” rin says as he opens the passenger seat for you. 

you looked at the open door skeptically. “how do i ensure that you’re not plotting my murder?”

rin rolls his eyes. “if i truly did want to murder you, i had the perfect opportunity back at dinner with the number of steak knives there were.” 

“a steak knife…? how do you even come to that thought?” rin shrugs, “i watch a lot of horror movies, now get in.” with a small mutter of how you still doubt if he was a murderer, you comply and for the third time of the night, he rolls his eyes at you.

once he closes your door, he walks right over to the driver’s seat and situates himself inside, starting the engine once you give him the directions to your apartment. 

“apartment, huh? you don’t live with your parents?” rin asks as he drives along the highway. you shake your head. “no, i moved out when i was 21.” to live with someone who broke my heart. “it was odd at first, but i’ve gotten used to it.” you reply. 

“got any siblings?” you asked, you hear him scoff as he turns the corner. “what is this? twenty-one questions?” 

“you started it!” you huffed, pouting unconsciously. “just answer, you’re such a–” “i have an older brother.” he interrupts you before you could insult him once more. 

“oh? are you close?” rin let out a breath through his nose before replying with a curt “not really.” 

you wanted to ask more, but you knew that it was not the time and place for it, you immediately diverted the topic by asking another question. 

“how do you know nagi?” rin sighs as he stops at a red light, his fingers tapping the steering wheel lightly. “our department got reshuffled and he was assigned to sit next to me. i think we bonded over soccer as a hobby and it just went from there?” rin tries to recall, you hum in understanding. 

“aren’t these the types of questions we should’ve been having back at dinner?” rin scoffs. “i’m not sure if you realized, but you resented me before we talked about mikage’s dumb tactic to get us alone.”

the rest of the drive was filled with natural conversation, you think that talking to him was fun, you even went ahead and shared the gossip that was circling around your workplace. 

“and then, i swear hina told me that– oh, we’re here.” you quiet down once you noticed that the car had slowed down. 

“hm? hina said what?” you smirked playfully. “guess you’ll never know.” you say as you unbuckle the seatbelt. 

rin rose a brow at you before he took his phone from the middle console. “better text me what happens then.” you tilt your head to the side, looking at the phone in his hand with a teasing glance. 

“couldn’t get enough of me already?” rin scoffed. “i just want to know what hina said after hanagaki mixed up all her documents and got her into trouble.” he shrugs. you smirked. “okay, sure. if you say so.” you say, punching in your number in his phone, sending yourself an emoji. 

“thank you for bringing me home, itoshi-kun.” he only gives a nod in response. “be safe on your way home!” 

rin nods once more before he drives off, not before reminding you to finish your gossip through text. with a short laugh, you opened your messages and continued the story, an unconscious smile on your face. 

you: there was a lot of screaming in the printing room, but we weren’t so sure if it was because of rage.

the next time you hear from rin, it was three days later with him asking you out on a formal date. 

you: what took you so long to ask me out?

itoshi rin: had to gather courage

you: for what?

itoshi rin: had to make sure that you were interested

you: was me giving my number not enough proof for you? 

itoshi rin: so is that a yes

you: to where

itoshi rin: i honestly don't know. i didn't think i'd get this far. 

you: rin 😭 yes. but i'll decide where :D

itoshi rin: that's sketchy… sure. go wild.

you: got it ;D

when rin itoshi said to go wild, he didn’t mean to pick out the most expensive restaurant in the city. he was sitting in front of you, eyes staring blankly at the unpriced beef in the menu, not even knowing what to order. you looked back at him with a laugh. 

“itoshi…” he looks up at you, you smile menacingly before whipping out reo’s black card. 

“let’s go wild.” you winked and you could’ve sworn there was a spark that flickered in rin’s eyes. 

“did you just pick that up somewhere?”

“no, it’s reo’s.” 

“say less.” 

sometimes the rich need to be given a run for their money. 

so with money out of the question, the both of you splurged on your date, even going as far as reo calling you middate to ask what the actual hell you were doing with his card.

you couldn’t remember a time when you laughed so hard in your life.

one date turned to three, then five, then the next thing rin knew, the two of you were drunkenly– well at least you were, walking on the street after having spent time in a nightclub. 

rin sighed as he watched you almost stumble at your feet, if it weren’t for his hand that latched onto your waist to stabilize you. 

“let’s go and get you home, (y/n).” he says as he walks with you to the corner of the street, hoping to hail a cab. you pull away as you recognize your surroundings. 

“rin,” you slur, a drunken smile on your face as you look into his eyes. “i don’t want the night to end yet.” rin raises a brow at you. “it’s two am.” “who cares? let’s go somewhere, i know a place!” you beamed and really, 

how could rin say no? 

out of all the places he expected you to take him to, he wasn’t expecting a closed park. it was old, clearly mismanaged as he takes in the rusty swings and distorted slides, but it seemed that you didn’t care as you pull him by his hand towards the swings, immediately sitting on it. 

“push me.” you say as rin only shakes his head softly at you, doing as you say. 

when the swing rises up, you couldn’t help the giggle you let out as the cold night air hits your face. rin smiles at the way your laughter permeates the otherwise quiet park. 

once you had enough, rin sits on the swing beside you, he was too tall for the swing so he stretched his legs a bit as he watched how your swing slowly skids to a stop, causing you to rock the swing in calmer motions. 

“having fun there?” he asked with a small quirk of his lips. you leaned your head on the cold metal chains as you nodded with a hum, eyes closed and a smile on your face. 

“did you know?” you asked after a few seconds of silence. your companion hummed questioningly at your query. 

“this was the park where me and reo met.” you start. “i think i was crying because some boy pulled my hair and kicked the castle i was making in the sandbox and then reo yelled at him.” you recall, thinking about the snotty-nosed kid that you never saw again. 

“is that the start of your friendship?” rin indulges your drunken reminiscing, you smiled at the memory before nodding. “reo’s like an older brother to me. the brother i never had…” 

“he’s always been there ever since… he’s the first person i call when i need someone, he’s the first person to know anything and everything… and.” you take a pause as you intake a deep breath. 

“he’s the one i was with when i turned sixteen.” you say, unconsciously rubbing the black mark on your wrist. rin’s eyes flit downward to your wrist before looking at his own. 

“i’m sorry. for what happened to you.” you shook your head, “it’s all in the past now.” with the way you were talking, rin assumed that you were sobering up. 

“you know… the topic never came up because i trusted nagi and reo to not set me up with someone who found their soulmate, but… what about yours?” you say as you look at him with bleary eyes, not noticing the way he gulps. 

“dead.” 

“oh, shit. i’m sorry–” 

“don’t be. it’s all in the past now.” rin says, repeating your words from earlier. 

“do you…uh.” you try finding the words to say. “do you wanna talk about it?” rin shakes his head as he softly caresses the darkened mark. 

“i’m not ready.” you nod understandingly before trying to divert the topic, “remember the first time i rode in your car?” rin nods at the memory. 

“are you close with your family? i’ve never really asked that. all i know is that you’re not on good terms with your brother.” 

rin sighs as he rocked the swing with the heels of his shoes, gently swaying as the night air tussles his hair softly. 

“there’s just some unresolved things that happened between me and sae-nii.” he said, name dropping the said older brother. “but i am close with my family in general, i don’t see them often though.” you hum out a reply as you look up to the nightsky that was littered with stars. 

“the sky looks so beautiful at this time of night.” you say mindlessly. rin stares up at the sky then at you. “so does the moon.” you scoff lightly, not understanding the hidden meaning behind his words as you gripped the metal chains of the swing. 

“ah, this place is my happy place.” you say, eyes closed as you tilted your body back. “it’s such a shame that it won’t last for long.” a sad smile forms on your face as you sit upright once more. silence overtaking the two of you before you broke it.

“can i say something dumb?” rin looks at you, a small smirk on his face. “you usually never ask when you do. the amount of questionable things i’ve heard from you is concerning.” 

“oh shut up.” you laughed as you leaned over and pushed him by the chain of his swing. “just say yes or no.”

“go ahead.” you grunted, not liking how he didn’t follow the options you gave him. you breathe in a deep breath. you weren’t sure what suddenly gave you the confidence, maybe it was the fact that you were still slightly tipsy, or maybe it was the way rin told you more about himself and let himself be vulnerable with you. 

“i think i like you.” you say, just loud enough for him to hear. you hear the rustling of the swing chains stop as he stills. you looked down, knowing right then and there that you’ve probably ruined a great friendship. 

you gave yourself a bitter smile before raising your head up once more, preparing to play it off as a joke. but before you could do, you feel his hand on your cheek as he turns your face towards his and presses his lips to yours. 

a surprised noise escapes your lips as your eyes widen. it took you a split second to kiss back as you closed your eyes and your hand cups his hand on your cheek. the kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to leave you in a daze, twin blushes on your faces as you pulled away. 

to say that the kiss felt leagues different than when you kissed karasu would’ve been an understatement. 

rin’s kiss conveyed the words he couldn’t say out loud. i like you too. 

“be mine.” rin whispered, afraid of breaking the atmosphere the both of you created. your thumb brushes against his fingers as a small smile spreads on your face. 

“gladly.” you whispered back as rin pulled you into another kiss. you felt happy. 

the fact that rin was now yours clouded your mind and numbed your body with ecstasy, paying no mind to your soulmate mark that throbbed defiantly. 

maybe it was the universe giving you a second chance. 

breaking the news to reo was something you didn’t want to do. you didn’t want to be subjected by his ‘i told you so’s and his ‘aren’t you glad i played matchmaker?’ – even if technically, it was nagi who set the both of you up but reo would argue that a soulmate is just one person split into two. 

“i’m happy.” was all reo said once you told him, with rin holding your hand in his lightly. nagi was right beside reo as his eyes lightened up a bit. nagi didn’t say anything, but with the nod of acknowledgement he sent to his coworker, he didn’t need to say anything more. 

“hey, rin.” your now boyfriend looks at your best friend as the purple haired male looks at him sternly. “you better take care of her.” 

rin breathed out before he replied with little to no effort. 

“i don’t ever see the day where i won’t.” his hand squeezes your tighter once he hears nagi snort. “i don’t think i’ve ever heard rin say something so cringe.”

rin rolls his eyes at his coworker as they bickered over, you and reo only watched with amused gazes as they went back and forth. 

“so,” reo turned to you with a toothy grin on his face, an expression you loathed on him because it made him smug. 

“what?” you sighed, exasperated. 

“i told you so.” he winked, you rolled your eyes. “reo, shut the fuck up.” before pushing him and letting out a laugh.

reo couldn’t help but see the way rin’s eyes darted over to you and a soft expression taking over his face when he heard you laugh. 

reo thinks that maybe, the stars were finally aligning to your favor. 

you were happy. to say that you and rin have been together for a year with no effort would be a lie. there were times that you and rin fought, to the brink of breaking up but your love for him surpassed the struggles that came your way and now, the two of you are about to celebrate a year and three months of being together. 

you think it’s finally the time to tell him that you loved him. 

you’ve always withheld those three words, fearing for the time where your partner will leave for their real soulmate. you thought about the time where karasu made you feel loved. but this was different, rin was different.

he didn’t have a soulmate, he didn’t have anyone who was waiting for him, he didn’t make you feel like you were some kind of plaything. the respect and adoration he showed you had no bounds. 

you think this is what a soulmate is supposed to feel like.  

the door opens to his apartment, he had invited you beforehand and cursed when he was called back into work, saying that a coworker had mixed up the files and it needed to be submitted asap, so rin cursed before apologizing, wanting to get the job done as soon as possible. 

your boyfriend gave you a kiss before assuring you that he would be back as soon as he can. 

rin paid no mind to the way it felt like his left wrist numbed in pain.

he doesn’t understand when it happened. 

for the first five months of his relationship with you, it felt like his mark didn’t exist. it felt like it was merely a gray mark that stained his skin. but when the tenth mark of your relationship, the thought of you made his mark burn. 

the first time rin felt it, he felt like his entire body was burning. he couldn’t help but hiss in pain in the confines of his own apartment. he didn’t understand where it was coming from, maybe it was because he slept in the wrong position? he didn’t know. 

all he knew is that the thought of loving you burned. 

he decides that he’d love you in silence, never uttering those three little words out loud, fearing for what could possibly happen when he does so. 

so now, seeing you look at him in a lovestruck expression, he couldn’t help but fear the words that will come out of your mouth. 

rin watches as you breathe in a deep breath, mentally preparing your entire body to say the words you’ve been meaning to say to the olive haired male. 

“rin… i lo–” you were interrupted with rin’s lips meeting yours. you let out a surprised noise but reciprocated nonetheless. you could feel rin try to pull you closer to him as you wrapped your arms around him. 

you pull away slightly. “i lo–” he pressed his lips back hastily, more aggressively. as if he were trying to swallow your words whole, his tongue immediately intermingling with yours as you try pulling away once more. 

what the fuck has gotten into him?

“r-rin.” “stop talking.” rin says as he latches once more. you gripped his hair and pulled him away from you, eyes meeting his clouded ones. 

“i love you.” you feel his body sag a bit as he bites his bottom lip. 

“you can’t.” 

huh? 

you froze, unknowingly verbalizing your confusion. 

rin swallows, as if he were struggling to breathe. 

“you can’t love me. we’re not soulmates.” he mutters, pulling away completely for you. 

you were speechless. your hands were getting clammy and you couldn’t find the right words to say as rin turned his back to you. 

“w-why does that matter now…? rin… hey.” you walked up to his back to turn him around only for him not to meet your eyes. 

“tell me–”  “i can’t… love you when all i see is her.” you froze, heart beating uncomfortably in your chest as you desperately tried to meet the eyes that stayed on the ground. 

“what…” “can’t you get it, (y/n)? i can’t do this. i can’t say that i love you when all i can see is the ghost of my dead soulmate whenever i look at you!” rin let out. 

you gasped at his words, your throat feeling uncomfortable and your hands felt clammy. 

rin didn’t kiss you because he reciprocated your feelings. 

rin kissed you because he wanted to stop you from telling him. because he knows he can’t say it back. 

rin didn’t love you. he loved the ghost of the dead soulmate he saw in you. 

it was as if hell froze over, you couldn’t breathe. rin finally looks up to you with deep regret in his eyes. 

“i’m so sorry.” rin says, barely over a whisper as he looks down once more, not knowing how to face the look of brokenness on your face. 

“so…” you start, wincing at the crack of your voice. “a-all of this… what exactly is it?”

“hey… rin.” tears were blurring your vision as your voice gets heavier, “tell me. was that all i am to you? a replacement?” your heart burned. 

rin stayed quiet, his mind conflicted. he doesn’t know what to say. all he knows is that he can feel his heart breaking at the sight of the tears building up in your eyes. 

“say something!” he flinches at the yell you let out, angry tears are now cascading down your cheeks and he wants to wipe it away, oh so desperately. 

but he can’t. 

he can’t go against the universe. 

all he can do is watch as you hiccup, trying to demand answers from him. 

“tell me!” 

“i don’t love you.” he says, swallowing down the guilt he feels. his mind battles over itself, he desperately wants to retract everything he said. every lie he’s uttered and every word he’s ever said for you to look like that. 

you’re crying… because of him.

and he hated that. 

but this was for the best. he swears that it was for the best. 

“i’m so–” “don’t.” rin watched as you interrupted him, face now devoid of emotions as you let reality sink in. 

it was as if the universe just loved to play with you.

“go screw yourself in hell, itoshi.” you say, turning around and slamming the apartment doors closed after leaving. 

once the male heard the door slam close, he couldn’t help but slide against the wall of his apartment, it was as if the sound finally snapped him out of his facade as tears lined up on his bottom lashes. 

what the hell was he so afraid of? 

when rin heard you profess your love for him, it was like his breath was stolen. 

he wanted to scream on how he loved you more and your existence brought the missing spark in his eyes. but he didn’t. he couldn’t. 

the ghost of his old soulmate still haunts him to this day.

but until when? until when will he let the ghost of his past haunt him. until when will he stop himself from finding his true happiness? 

rin didn’t know the answer until a few minutes ago. or was it hours? he didn’t know how long he’s been crying himself to exhaustion as he ruins another good thing in his life. 

the reality dawns upon him as he looks at his phone, already planning on texting you. 

2:49am. god knows how dangerous it is out there for you. 

and rin wasn’t about to keep fucking up. 

so be it if you’d rather not see him, if you’d rather not have anything to do with him after this night. all he wants for you is to be back in the comfort of his four walls and safe. he’d go out of his way to book a hotel for himself for the night if you’d not even let him sleep on the couch. he doesn’t care. 

all he wants is for you to be within his sight again. 

so with a quick grab to his coat, he ran out of the apartment complex in search of you.

he doesn’t know how long it’s been since he ran, you couldn’t have gone that far, right? he searched nearby convenience stores, but had no luck. he tried calling your phone over and over, but no answer. 

rin felt pathetic. he felt helpless. 

~

“the sky looks so beautiful at this time of night.” you say mindlessly. rin stares up at the sky then at you. “so does the moon.” you scoff lightly, not understanding the hidden meaning behind his words as you gripped the metal chains of the swing. 

“ah, this place is my happy place.” you say, eyes closed as you tilted your body back. “it’s such a shame that it won’t last for long.” a sad smile forms on your face as you sit upright once more. silence overtaking the two of you before you broke it.

“can i say something dumb?” rin looks at you, a small smirk on his face. “you usually never ask when you do. the amount of questionable things i’ve heard from you is concerning.” 

“oh shut up.” you laughed as you leaned over and pushed him by the chain of his swing. “just say yes or no.”

“go ahead.” you grunted, not liking how he didn’t follow the options you gave him. you breathe in a deep breath. you weren’t sure what suddenly gave you the confidence, maybe it was the fact that you were still slightly tipsy, or maybe it was the way rin told you more about himself and let himself be vulnerable with you. 

“i think i like you.” you say, just loud enough for him to hear.

~

fuck. why wasn’t that the first place he looked? 

with a deep breath, he ran once more, praying to whoever was above that he’d find you.

so when he saw a lonesome figure swinging herself gently by the swings, he couldn’t help but yell out your name. 

you perked up, the moonlight shining on your figure and rin thinks you look beautiful like that. once you see him, you immediately stand up and dash away from him. 

rin curses, knowing that he was still at a distance and it wouldn’t be easy catching up to you, given the headstart that you had. 

“(y/n), please. listen!” rin yells out as he crosses the playground, only to see you already on the other side of the street. 

“go away, rin!” you yell from the other side and rin stayed in his place, taking in a deep breath. 

"just listen to me!" he yells and you stop in your tracks. 

it was cliche, really. rin thinks. 

he never thought he’d be running after someone at two in the morning, hoping that they aren’t too late and confessing their love for them under the moon. 

but life works in comedic ways, doesn’t it? 

“i lied.” rin says, loud enough for you to hear him from the other side of the street. 

“i never saw her in you. i’ve always seen you as (y/n).” he continues, closing his eyes as he yells out his feelings on the empty street. “i’m terrified.” 

“i’m so fucking terrified of feeling this way because all i’ve ever been taught about since i was a kid is that soulmates are certain.” that’s what you were taught as well. 

“but… having you… feeling you… loving you.” rin takes a deep breath in. 

“it all feels so right, so if the universe doesn’t think that we have a chance with love even if we’re not soulmates…”  he pauses before yelling at the top of his lungs. 

“then fuck the universe! all i want to do is love you, soulmate or not.” you stared at him, yelling like a mad man at almost three am. 

“so please… come back to me.” rin says as he holds his hand out, eyes solely trained on you. waiting for your next move. “please. just give me one chance. i won’t ever waste it, i love you!”

“please.” rin says, trying not to get his hopes up when he sees you take a step forward, your eyes focused on him, your surroundings didn’t matter as you ran across the street. 

“shit, wait, (y/n)–!” maybe you should really pay attention to your surroundings. maybe you shouldn’t have been a klutz. 

maybe… maybe if then, you would’ve realized the out of control vehicle coming at your direction in a haste. 

and it was as if time had moved in slow motion and his feet were stuck in the ground. itoshi rin found himself helpless as he watched the vehicle collide with your body. 

the universe must hate him so much that he was forced to watch the love of his life get hurt in front of him, twice.  

maybe it was the universe’s way of telling him, fuck you, too. 

the hospital hallways were quiet. too quiet. rin could still feel his ears ringing as his mind played back to the incident that took over not even hours ago. 

“(y/n)!” rin yells as he runs over to your figure, the dark ground stained with red as you cough. his hands were shaking. 

he didn’t know what to do. 

“shit! what happened?” he heard a stranger call out, footsteps were getting closer to him but he couldn’t hear it. “mina, call the ambulance!” he hears the stranger yell at his girlfriend? who knows. rin couldn’t focus on anything. 

his coat was being stained red as you bled out into his arms. 

“(y/n)... come on… don’t do this to me.” rin whispers as he shakes your semi-conscious figure gently. 

“i-...i’m g-glad.” you whimpered, eyes wincing at the pain that was seeping through your body. 

“d-don’t speak.” rin said, trying to keep his heart steady and his tears at bay. his hands were shaking as he cups your cheek and wipes away the stray blood. hoping desperately that the coldness he felt from your skin was brought about by the nightair and not your body losing its warmth. 

“you’re going to be okay.” he says as he caresses your cheek. 

“i’m g-glad you love me too…” you say, voice getting quieter every passing second. 

“i’ll spend all of our lifetime telling you that. don’t get too emotional the first time.” rin scolds, trying not to make his nerves evident. 

you let out a small pained giggle. “i wonder if it’ll still be around to hear it.” you say out loud, 

“don’t cry… rinnie. you’ll be okay.” you say smiling as you nuzzle your face onto his hand. “your palm is so warm… rin.” you say, closing your eyes causing rin to shake your body gently. 

“hey… (y/n). don’t close your eyes… it’s not funny.” rin says, voice getting progressively louder. 

at this point, he couldn’t care less about the drunk driver who was currently vomiting his guts out, he couldn’t care about the couple who was keeping a safe yet close distance in concern. he wasn’t even able to hear the loud sirens of the ambulance, too hyper focused on the fact that he can’t do anything. 

he feels pathetic. he feels so fucking useless that he wishes it would’ve been him instead. 

a tap on his shoulder causes him to flinch and hold your body protectively to his. a glare immediately on his face as he faced the stranger. 

“sir. please calm down. we mean no harm.” rin recognizes the stranger as a paramedic, he was confused. rin looks past the paramedic’s head to see the couple nod their head in greeting. they were the ones who called them and rin can’t help but tilt his head in gratitude. 

“please let us transport her to the hospital, she’s losing too much blood.” rin turns towards you, who was in his arms before nodding. 

two more paramedics came with a stretcher as rin stands up, fully supporting your weight as he gently lays you down. 

“i’m going with you.” rin said, finality in his voice as the paramedic nodded and wheeled you into the ambulance. 

rin’s shaky hands clasped with yours on the entire ride through. 

“oi.” his recollection was cut off short as he hears a gruff voice call from the side. he slowly turns his head as he sees reo. 

once reo catches his attention, he saunters over the olive haired male, eyes hard as he speaks. 

“what happened?” rin says nothing, staring off to the white wall ahead of him. 

“hey… rin. what happened?” reo repeats, his voice eerily neutral. rin still doesn’t respond as he stands by the wall.

reo didn’t like his silence, the next thing rin knew was that his back was against the wall and his collar was gripped by reo tightly. 

“answer me! what the fuck happened?” 

“it’s my fault…” rin says quietly, eyes devoid of emotions and words monotone, as if he were now a programmed robot that didn’t feel things. 

“what the fuck happened, rin? didn’t you promise me that you’ll protect her?!” reo yelled, causing a few onlookers to look at them. nagi immediately mediated. 

“reo… you’re causing a scene.” nagi says, trying to lull his soulmate. “i don’t give a shit if i’m causing a scene! my best friend is unconscious and in a fucking hospital room!” 

rin peered his eyes to look at reo’s frustrated ones, with tears building up in his eyes. 

“you promised me you’d protect her.” he says, voice barely above a whisper before his eyes harden and the grip on rin’s collar gets tighter.  

“if anything ever happens to her… i won’t ever forgive you.” was all he said before letting go, leaving rin alone in the hallway as he went to find the doctor. 

nagi was left alone with his friend. the snowy haired male takes a calmer approach, placing a hand on rin’s back. 

“what happened, rin?” maybe it was the gentle coax of nagi, or maybe it was exhaustion and overthinking.

the next thing rin knows is that he’s sliding against the wall, body racking with sobs and he covers his face with his hands. nagi’s eyes widened in surprise as he crouched down and tried to comfort his friend. 

“n-nagi… it’s all my fault.” rin sobbed, not even caring on how loud he was or how the other people in the hall were judging him. he feels as if something invisible was weighing him down, he couldn’t breathe properly, he couldn’t even stand properly as he topples his weight over nagi who gently guided him to the cold metal waiting chairs. 

“what happened?” nagi asks again, knowing to drop it if rin doesn’t answer once more. 

“s-she… (y/n) told me she loved me…” nagi’s eyebrows furrowed. the snowy haired male still doesn’t understand how that was relevant. 

“we had a fight… i told her i didn’t love her…” “what?” rin sniffed before continuing, accepting the handkerchief nagi gives to him in gratitude. 

“i… i was so fucking scared and i told her that i only saw her as someone else.” “did you?” “fucking hell, no! i hate that i said that. i hate that i can’t take it back…”

“maybe i was just honest in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this fucking situation and i would be in my bed with her in my arms.” 

nagi could only rub his back, trying to wordlessly comfort his friend because he knows that no matter what he says, rin would probably not comprehend it, too caught up in his regrets. 

a man in a white coat stops in front of them, rin looks up and immediately stands up. 

“how is she? is she okay? please tell me.” nagi placed a grounding hand on rin’s shoulder. the doctor gives them a blank stare as he flips his clipboard. 

“you’re here for ms. (l/n), right?” rin nods, “ms. (l/n) is in a stable state for now. her body is reacting well to the medicine that we injected. however, her head has suffered injuries. she’s unconscious and has not yet woken up since we treated her.” the doctor says before looking at the two, apologetically. 

“we don’t know when she will wake up. or if she’ll ever wake at all.” if it weren’t for nagi grounding him, rin was sure he would’ve collapsed on the floor with the second statement. 

“you may see her. but only three people at a time.” the doctor says before nodding in goodbye, walking off and turning on the corner of the hallway.

“i’m going to find reo… you go and see her.” nagi clasps his hand on rin’s shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly before he saunters off to find his lover. 

with nagi gone, all the nerves he felt before were hurling right back at him with top speed. rin feels like he wants to vomit, he feels like his footsteps feel heavier as he walks over to your room. 

his hand pauses before he could fully push the door and it seemed like his body has a mind of its own as he takes a step back and turns away, walking the opposite direction. 

he couldn’t do it. he couldn’t face you. 

“where are you going?” he freezes in his step as he hears the gruff voice of reo. he turns to face the male, teal eyes staring into reo’s puffy purple eyes as he tips his head down. 

“please take care of her for me.” 

“you’re not even going to see her?” rin gulped as he fully turned to your best friend. “i can’t.” 

reo clenched his teeth at the display your boyfriend was showing. 

“i can’t see her… i’m the reason why she’s here.” “isn’t that more of a reason why you should stay?!” reo yelled, startling the hallway filled with people, causing a nurse to tap him on the shoulder to ask him to lower his voice. but reo shrugs the hand off his shoulder as he stomps over to the numb male, his hand fisted in his collar. 

“if you walk out of here right now, i’m never going to let you see her again.” reo says, eyes hard as he speaks, voice barely above a whisper. maybe it’s for the best. rin thinks as he looks at reo with empty eyes. 

“please take care of her.” rin repeats, voice void of emotions, reo clenches his teeth even harder, his fists shaking as he grips the cloth of rin’s shirt tighter before closing his eyes and letting go. 

when reo opened his eyes once more, it was as if something had possessed the male. 

“you’re a sad, pathetic, excuse of a man, itoshi rin.”

when he got home to his apartment, it was safe to say that no furniture was left untouched as he went on a rampage. if his neighbors were home, they would probably hear the wretched sobs he let out or the sound of glasses breaking and things being thrown around. 

rin doesn’t know what to do anymore. 

his heart is screaming for him to turn and run back to the hospital so he could stay by your side but his mind is screaming back that this was all his fault and he had no right to see you. he didn’t deserve to. 

fuck. everything hurted. his hands were bloodied and bruised from the wall he punched, his hair was a mess from him trying to pull it out, he was slowly breaking down and he didn't know how to calm down. 

his knees finally gave out as he let his body collapse on the floor. he couldn’t move. his mind was too loud. everything felt so loud. 

he doesn’t realize how long it’s been since he was in his state of pity. he was too caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the series of knocks on his door. 

rin couldn’t feel the tears that were running down his face, his lower lashes drenched as it ran endlessly. 

“you’re a mess.” he jolted when he heard the voice, still not looking up from his position, thinking that he was now imagining the voice. a pair of shoes entered his vision, black slacks replacing it as the figure before him kneels and he was forced to look up. he sees the same color of teal looking back at him, a look of concern and indifference in his eyes. 

“sae…nii…” rin mutters as he blinks, his mouth opens trying to enunciate the words on the tip of his tongue before his body slumps against his older brother’s, eyes closed as he is rendered unconscious. 

the older itoshi only sighs, rubbing his younger brother’s hair before lifting him up and tucking him into his bedroom. 

rin wakes up with a jolt. even in his sleep, the memory of the car colliding with your body wouldn’t leave him alone. he heaves in a breath, struggling to find his breathing before he feels a cool glass pressing on the side of his face. 

“you’re awake?” he calms down a bit, before he turns his head to the source of the cold. he sees his older brother looking at him with a blank look as he holds the glass of water in his hand. “drink up.” 

rin complies, his hands shaking as he drinks the water slowly, as to not get choked by the flow of liquid running down his throat. 

“what are…” rin internally cringes at the blockage in his voice. “what are you doing here… sae-nii.” he tries again after clearing his throat. 

“you look like shit.” his brother replies, not even considering his words. not that rin expected him to. 

sae sighs as he walks over to the armchair by his room and sits down, crossing his legs and leaning his head on his arm that was propped up. “your coworker called.”

“nagi?” “mm. that’s what i think his name was.” rin looked at his brother. it still didn’t make sense. so what if nagi called? nagi has called sae multiple times already, be it because rin’s phone battery died, or rin drank too much and nagi didn’t want to deal with it. but nagi’s calls were almost always rejected. 

so what made this any different? 

“he wouldn’t stop spamming my texts, said that he was worried about you and asked me to check up on you.” rin sighs, “i’m fine on my own, nii-chan. you can go back home, i’m sorry for bothering yo–”

“would you cut the shit out?” rin stared back at the blank expression sae sported. 

“i spent two hours cleaning up the mess you made in the apartment. clearly you’re not fine on your own.” sae refutes rin’s earlier claim.

rin said nothing, he could only look down as his fingers clenched around the blanket that was wrapped around him. if he wasn’t so caught up in his thoughts, he would’ve heard his older brother sigh, stand up and walk over to his bed. he only snapped out of his daze once he felt the bed dip. 

“i’m here, rin.” sae says as he pats his younger brother’s shoulder firmly. 

“i’m listening.” rin clenched his fingers harder, his hands shaking slightly, as he closed his eyes. his mind was still being too loud.

“rin, i’m right here. i always am.” sae reiterates as he rubs his brother’s shoulders, the same way he used to do when they were younger. 

“i’m right here. so tell nii-chan what’s wrong.” 

the next thing sae feels is his younger brother’s arms wrapping around him and his sobs progressively louder by his ear. sae paid no mind as he let his younger brother cry, hands rubbing his back comfortingly. rin feels like being taken back to when he was a child and when he would run to his big brother for comfort. 

his body shakes as the final thread he was holding onto finally snaps and he tells his brother everything. 

to how he first bumped into you. his first date with you. the way he felt when he heard you laugh. the pain he felt when he saw you cry. the sting in his soulmate mark when he first realized that he loved you, and the way he was helpless when he saw the vehicle crash into you. 

sae only held him tighter, grounding his younger brother as hiccups escaped him. 

“i don’t know anymore, nii-chan.” rin says as he pulls away, his older brother keeping an arm around his back. 

“i love her… but… i can’t– i don’t…” “you need to let the past go, rin.” sae interrupts, rin looks at his older brother, a bit confused and angered at the same time. 

“i don’t see how this is related to–” “clearly, you’re afraid to love again. don’t you think that the world has been cruel enough to you? to her? why else would you have pushed her away.”

“my mark, nii-chan…” rin says quietly, causing his older brother to look at him with a curious expression. “it burned…” rin says as he subconsciously rubs the forsaken mark. 

“whenever i think of loving her… the mark burns and it’s the universe’s way of telling me that what me and (y/n) has… it’s all temporary.” rin sniffs, heaving in a deep breath. 

“i love her. but the universe won’t let me.”

silence. 

the itoshi brothers were silent as rin’s words sunk in. sae only watched as his younger brother’s hands were balled into fists, shaking slightly. the older itoshi rubs his hand down his brother’s back in soothing motions. 

“then fuck the universe.” sae says, a hard glint in his matching teal eyes. “why should they get a say on who you should and shouldn’t love?” rin swallows as he looks up at his older brother confused. 

“is a little pain all it takes for you to back out and stop loving her?” the younger’s eyes widened. his older brother’s words sinking in as he recalls your smile, a tingling sensation immediately tickling on his wrist. 

“it got you thinking, huh?” sae asks and rin nods, not looking at his brother anymore. thoughts too filled about how he was so afraid of nothing.

fuck the universe. he’ll love you, even if it kills him. 

with a new resolve, he stands up and grabs his phone, shooting nagi a text.

“where are you going?” sae asked as his brother shrugged on his coat. 

“to see the love of my life.” 

sae blinked and sighed. “romeo, i don’t know how to break it to you, but it’s four am now and you need to take a shower.”

four am? how long was he unconscious for? sae shook his head at the surprised look on his younger brother’s face as he pointed to the digital clock beside his bed. 

“the exhaustion burnt you out, i think you’ve slept for sixteen hours…? i’m not sure. i couldn’t wake you up.” sae recalls and rin nodded his head in understanding. 

those sixteen hours could’ve been spent with him by your side. before rin could voice out his regrets, sae smacks him upside the head. 

“go get some rest, i’ll drive you to the hospital when you wake up.” he scolded, as he stood up from his brother’s bed. 

“i’ll take the couch, you go and rest.” sae says as he walks to the door, grabbing a blanket on his way out. 

“nii-chan.” rin calls out and sae turns to face him with a short “what?”

“thank you.” 

sae scoffs and rolls his eyes at the uncharacteristic behavior rin showed him. 

“whatever, loser.” was all he said before closing the door and leaving rin alone to his thoughts. 

tomorrow, he’d make things right.

tomorrow didn’t go by as planned as he couldn’t find the courage to do so, it took another twenty four hours of rin breaking down and sae trying to calm the younger itoshi down. it took a lot of coaxing and assurances from the older male that rin can take his time and told him that you’d rather have him delay a day than have him break down right in front of your unconscious body. 

on the next day, rin was internally shaking when he stepped foot in the hospital, his body moving instinctively as his feet pad to where the doctor from yesterday said your room was. 

his brought his shaky hands up as he pushed the door open, immediately alerting the snowy haired male and the violet haired male of his presence. nagi was by the couch of the hospital room and reo was right beside your bed, clutching your hand in his.

immediately, reo’s eyes hardened as he looked at the male, his purple eyes were puffy and red, voice broken. 

“what the hell do you think you’re doing here?” reo’s voice was cold. it was as if rin was being thrown a bucket of ice water after having been just woken up as reo glared daggers at him. 

“i… i’m here for her…” rin says, quietly. as if he were ashamed, which he was. he should’ve been there for you ever since you were admitted but the guilt ate him alive. 

reo didn’t say anything, face now in a blank expression as he turned away from rin and back to you, sadness immediately welling up his eyes. 

nagi patted the seat beside him on the couch. immediately asking how the other male was. 

“i’ve been…” rin tries to find the words to say. tired? guilty? ashamed? he didn’t know. he didn’t know how to enunciate that the feelings he felt was probably well deserved. 

“...fine.” rin whispers, throat clogging up. nagi nods, “that’s… good.”

rin clears his throat. looking over your sleeping figure. “has she…” he blinks the tears building up away. 

“has she woken up yet?” and before nagi could nod his head no, he was interrupted by reo’s deep voice.

“now, you care?” rin swallowed. “you didn’t seem to care when you left her by herself in this hospital just a day ago!” reo bitterly spat. 

“reo…” nagi warns his soulmate, reo ignores it as he stands up from your side and walks closer to the two of them, rin automatically stands up, bracing himself for the possible things that your best friend might do. 

“you don’t deserve to fucking be here.” reo says as he looks straight at rin. “you don’t get to flee then expect us to welcome you with open arms.” 

“you don’t deserve to be here, after putting my best friend in here in the first plac–” “that’s why i left.” rin interrupts, the thin strand of rationality leaving him as he lets the tears flow down his face. 

“you can blame me all you want, nothing is going to change and i know i don’t deserve to see her anymore, nor do i deserve to be loved by her but for fuck’s sake. don’t you think this is hard for me too?” rin says, reo’s eyes widen for a millisecond but before he could interrupt, rin lets out a sob. 

“i hurt her before, we fought before she got here and all i can think about is how this is all my fault. you don’t need to keep reminding me because i am fully aware that i’m the reason why she’s here! why she’s going to di–” a slap interrupts rin’s monologue. the aforementioned’s head jerks to the left

“if you know what’s good for you, do not fucking finish that sentence.” reo says, tears pooling up in his eyes. 

“are you seriously going to fight in front of her?” nagi said, an unknown expression on his face. 

“your–” he turns to rin, “girlfriend” then to reo “and your best friend, is in a coma and the both of you decide to fight right in front of her?” nagi says as he glares at the both of them. 

“she can hear whatever you’re saying and i don’t think she’d appreciate hearing you fight in front of her.” shame fills the faces of the two boys as they looked away from each other. 

“reo’s let's go outside for a while.” “n-nagi–” “you haven’t left the hospital since she got here, you need a fresh shower and proper food.” “but i–” “rin’s right here and he’ll let us know when something happens.” the snowy haired male turns to the olive haired male. “right, rin?” 

rin gives him a silent, yet determined nod. 

“you cannot fucking expect me to leav–” “reo.” 

reo lets out a deep breath, closing his eyes before opening them and looking at rin with an angry, yet sad gaze. “you better let me or nagi know immediately.” 

reo takes one last longing gaze at you before he gets pulled away gently by his lover. nagi gives rin a nod of acknowledgement before the door shuts and he is left alone with you. 

a hesitant step. 

rin takes a hesitant step as he walks over to your unconscious figure. he sits down the chair reo previously sat in, taking your hand in his as he intertwines it one-sidedly. 

he feels his throat clogging up once more 

“hey, baby.” he whispers as he lifts your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on your knuckles. 

“i’m here now.” he says as he looks at your closed eyes, he lifts his body up a bit as he leans over and presses a kiss on your forehead. “i’m… i’m so sorry.” 

he whispers as he sits back down, both hands now holding your hand as he sobs. 

“i’m so sorry, please wake up.” he continues, sobs getting progressively louder. 

“i love you.” he whispers as he stares at your sleeping figure. he closes his eyes as his lips press on the knuckles of your hand. “please wake up. come back to me.” he whispers but as expected, there was no response. not even a twitch of your hand. 

“i’m sorry it took me long to face you… i couldn’t find the strength to do so.” he continues. nagi’s words repeating in his head. you could probably hear him. 

“you know…” he starts, willing himself to finally open up the story that you’ve always been curious about. 

~

“you know… the topic never came up because i trusted nagi and reo to not set me up with someone who found their soulmate, but… what about yours?” you say as you look at him with bleary eyes, not noticing the way he gulps. 

“dead.” 

“oh, shit. i’m sorry–” 

“don’t be. it’s all in the past now.” rin says, repeating your words from earlier. 

“do you…uh.” you try finding the words to say. “do you wanna talk about it?” rin shakes his head as he softly caresses the darkened mark. 

“i’m not ready.”

~

“i think i’m finally ready.” rin says as he closes his eyes, adjusting your hand so it seemed like you were cupping it gently. 

“it was when i was seventeen…”

~

to say that rin would want to stop believing in soulmates would be an understatement. he despised the thought of it. he thinks that being destined to someone the universe thinks you belong to was stupid and dumb. he thinks that it’s ridiculous, but inside, his inner child voices out the desire to meet them. 

he shakes his head as he walks along the busy streets of shibuya, the white mark on his wrist being hidden by his coat sleeve. 

“ne, rin,” his colleague catches his attention, he looks at bachira in indifference but responds with a hum at the call. 

“wouldn't it be so funny if we bump into your soulmate?” bachira asked teasingly as rin rolled his eyes at the two-toned male. 

“you wouldn’t know if i felt them anyway.” rin curtly replied and bachira clicked his tongue playfully. “that’s no fun, rin-chan.”

rin says nothing after that, stopping right in front of the pedestrian lane, waiting for the cars to stop. 

then he saw her. 

it was accidental, he swears. 

rin had no plans on trying to locate his said soulmate. he didn’t expect his wrist to suddenly give a ticklish buzz, when their eyes met. rin immediately clasped his wrist, holding the mark, grounding it so it would stop the uncomfortable feeling. 

bachira, who was with him, gasped in realization as he realized what his friend was doing. 

“rin-chan…” bachira says and rin hisses at the discomfort before he raises his head from his position, looking over at the girl who clutched her wrist as well. 

when their eyes met once more, and rin’s eyes flit towards his mark that was darkening from white to gold. he looks at her one more time, watching the way she gasps at realization and looks at the golden lines replacing the mark. 

the coast was clear, until it wasn’t. 

the girl ran as soon as the light went green, brushing off the hand that was trying to stop her. rin was about to follow her lead before bachira’s arm stopped him. the olive haired male turned to glare at his friend.

“oi, bobcut what the fu–” “watch out!” multiple people yell and the next thing rin hears is the screeching of tires and numerous gasps surrounding them. 

rin’s head immediately whipped to the side, to where the source of the loudest murmuring was and saw a trail of blood. 

“oh my god! is she okay?!” “someone call an ambulance!” “don’t just stand there!” “she’s barely breathing! does anyone know first aid?!”

rin’s teal eyes followed the crimson trail, his breath hitching once he realized that the starry eyed girl he was staring at not even a few seconds ago was out of his sight. he gulped, finding it difficult to breathe as he realizes that the person the people were swarming over was his soulmate. 

“move out of the way!” he demands as he runs to the scene, kneeling before her. his hands shaking as he raises his marked wrist, brushing away the blood clumped hair off her face. 

“y-your name…” his soulmate whispers. eyes trying desperately to stay open as she looks at his blurry teal eyes. “p-please…”

“itoshi…” rin gulps, tears unconsciously trailing from his eyes. “itoshi rin.”

his soulmate smiles. reaching for the hand on her cheek with her own, her wrist marked with gold. “i-i’m... so… glad to have met you… my soulmate.” she smiles, a full smile, as if she wasn’t bleeding to death and as if she wasn’t slipping away from his hands. 

“live a fulfilled life, be happy, for me.” she says, staring straight at the male before the spark in her eyes disappeared, the hand on his turning limp and rin watched with helplessness as his mark fades to gray. 

rin’s hands begin to shake more than they have, he tries to stop the sobs that are threatening to wrack his body. his soulmate mark pricked him, it taunted him. 

he wasn’t given a chance to get to know her, love her. 

he didn’t even get a chance to know her name. 

rin paid no mind to the police officers on scene asking if he was okay and if he was hurt in any way. he felt numb. his hands were shaking, he jolted once he saw his friend’s eyes look at him with pity. 

“rin…” bachira says, voice uncharacteristically soft as he tries to find a way to console his grieving friend. but bachira knows he can’t do anything about the situation. 

he could only place a hand on rin’s shoulder as his soulmate’s body was taken away into an ambulance. 

but rin can’t see the point, his mark was already a shade of gray. no hospital could ever bring his soulmate back to life. 

he never even got her name. 

the universe was cruel to rin as he yelled in the middle of the busy streets of shibuya for the soulmate he lost. 

~

“i didn’t even get to know her name…” rin chuckles bitter as he narrates the memory, hand slightly shaking as he clutches yours, placing gentle kisses on your fingertips. 

“i only found out when we arrived at the hospital and got it from her parents…” he whispers. “i never had the chance to spend any time with her.” 

he closes his eyes, leaning his forehead into your hand that was clasped with his. 

“but with you… it’s different. i know it is.” he continues. 

“the universe… gave me a chance to meet you… and love you.”

he opens his eyes, looking at your unconscious face before letting out a shaky sigh. 

“so please… wake up…”

“i promise that i’ll make you feel the love you deserve. so please, wake up for me.”

rin pleads for the last time of the day before his eyes flit shut, exhaustion taking over his body as he falls asleep by your side, his hand still in yours. 

rin wakes up to hushed mumbles, his eyes fluttering open, mind a bit disoriented from the sudden stream of consciousness.

“he can leave now, right?” “reo, don’t be like that.” he hears nagi shush his soulmate. 

when did they get here? rin thinks but decides that it didn’t matter as he slowly rises from his position, immediately checking on you to see if you were awake and to his disappointment, you were still unconscious. 

“oh, you’re awake?” rin hears nagi ask, he faces them with hazy eyes as he nodded. “what time is it?” rin asked, voice heavy with sleep.

“a little over two am.” nagi says. 

it was the fourth day that you were confined in this room, and reo didn’t want to tell rin that the doctors have talked to him regarding you. 

rin nods. “i see.” 

“you can…” reo said, voice unusually softer than the previously hostile tone he uses with him. “you can go back to your apartment and rest. nagi and i can watch over her.” 

rin shakes his head. “my rest is right here.” he says as he keeps his eyes trained on you. 

“i’m not leaving her again.” he promises, voice barely audible to the two other males in the room. but rin didn’t care, he said it to you. whether reo or nagi heard, it wasn’t any of their business. 

if whatever nagi said about coma patients hearing you when you talk to them is true. good god, please give me a sign. rin thinks, loosening his grip on your hand as he settles on rubbing gentle circles on it. 

he was so caught up with the motions that he didn’t realize reo sit beside him. 

“you know…” rin looked at the purple haired male. “i blamed you.” reo said as he grit his teeth. 

“i blamed you… even though it was wrong.” he continues and rin remained silent, not exactly knowing where the young heir was going with this. 

“i needed an outlet… to blame, to be angry at… that i didn’t realize the most affected one is you.” reo said, eyes not breaking contact with rin’s. 

“i’m…” reo struggles to find the words to say. “i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that.” reo says quietly, as if he were ashamed of his previous actions, which he was. 

“it’s okay.” rin replies, “i understand. you were hurt as well.” 

nagi was quietly watching the two of them, relieved that they were no longer in hot waters. 

“reo.” nagi calls out. reo looks at his lover with an inquisitive gaze. “let’s go get food. rin needs some too.”

“but–” “i need someone else to help carry food for three.” reo sighs and nods before standing up and patting your head. 

“let me know if something happens, okay?” 

rin nods and reo takes one last look at you before he follows nagi outside the door. 

and then, it was silent. 

rin doesn’t know if the silence is suffocating him or if it’s comfortable. he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. “just one sign…” he whispers to you. 

“just one sign that you’ll come back to us, to me, please.” he begs, not expecting anything of it. 

twitch. 

rin held his breath, eyes widening at the movement he felt. he wasn’t sure if that was from him or… you. 

he tries his hardest to stay still, his hand limp in yours, desperate to feel you twitch against him once more. praying to all the deities he never once believed in. 

twitch. twitch.

rin pulled away, hands starting to shake as he watches how your eyes slowly twitch subtly, and rin stood up almost immediately when he saw the way your eyes fluttered open. 

you were awake.

 your eyes were barely opened, pupils darting from side to side as you tried to make sense of where you were. your body felt heavy, but you didn’t care as you tried to stand up.

only to feel a hand stop you. 

“don’t move.” rin? “d-don’t overexert yourself.” he says while he pushes you back down gently, taking the small remote by your bed and elevating your upper body. 

“r-ri–” you tried to say but words couldn’t come out. your voice was rough, as if it were grinding down sandpaper as you tried to speak. 

“i– uh. i’ll go call the doctor, please… stay here!” rin said as he ran to the door. “i mean, stay awake!” then the door closed shut, if you listened closely, you could hear the uncharacteristic yells from the male as he screamed for a doctor. 

rin came back as soon as he left, a doctor and nurse trailing behind him as he immediately went to your side once more and took your hand.

“ms. (y/n), do you know where you are?” you nod. “do you remember what happened before you arrived here?” a hesitant nod comes from you. 

“y-yes.” you croaked and the doctor immediately ordered the nurse to fetch you a cup of water. 

“do you remember your name?” the doctor went on asking you basic questions about yourself before he announced your condition as stable. 

just as the doctor left, reo immediately ran inside panting. 

“(y/n)!” he yells as soon as he enters the room. you answered with a sheepish smile and a short wave at your best friend. 

“hey, re–” “don’t fucking scare me like that ever again!” he interrupts your greeting as he basically jumps on you, pulling you for a tight hug. 

you held him back, feeling the way his shoulders suddenly start to shake and sobs were now leaving your purple haired best friend. 

“don’t scare me like that again… please.” he whispers, repeating the words he said once more. 

“i’m sorry.” you say back, voice quiet as you let your best friend sob against your shoulder. 

the next few minutes were spent with reo ugly crying on your shoulder and rin holding your hand tightly in his. countless apologies running out of your mouth as reo scolds you for scaring him. 

“admit it though.” you say as you pull away from your best friend, wiping his tears away. “you missed me.” 

“you fucking dumbass, of course i did!” he says as he glares at you. “you think i would be in a hospital for the past four days?” “i was here for four days?”

“...you don’t… realize it?” you slowly shook your head in response before nagi stands up and places a hand on reo’s shoulder 

“i think…” nagi starts, “these two have a lot to talk about..” 

“but i just got here–” “reo.” “fine.”

the both of you left the two of you once more and now rin couldn’t help but feel shy in your conscious presence. 

“(y-y/n)...” “i heard.” “huh?”

you sighed as you looked at your intertwined hands. 

“i uh… heard snippets… of your story.” you say, looking at him with sad eyes and he already hated that he managed to make you sad, even if it was indirectly. 

“what was her name?” you asked and rin stays quiet for a few seconds, before you can take it back you hear him mutter a name. 

“akitsu hanabi.” rin recalls, you nodded. “do you still think about her?”

rin pursed his lips for a few seconds before he answered. 

“i usually don’t. not ever since you. i don’t like remembering what happened.”

“i don’t think any of it matters now.” rin continues before he brushes your knuckles gently. “i…i think–” he pauses. “i think my soulmate would’ve wanted me to be happy.” he recalls her last words from her. 

“and i know that it meant you… maybe, somehow, you were sent by my soulmate.”   he hypothesizes. “i don’t know what it’s like to be loved by someone you’re destined to, but i’d take your love any day, (y/n).” 

you held your breath, staying quiet, not quite knowing the words to say. 

“fuck the universe. i only want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.” you say nothing, snaking your hand onto his cheek and pulling him closer, he immediately moves towards you. 

your lips meet in a passionate yet gentle kiss and rin wants to cry, this is everything he ever wanted, he had always been deprived of the love he longed for and you were right there, and he’d never let anything take you away from him once more. 

he’ll spend the rest of his life showing you that he loved you if he had to.

“hey, we got foo– in a fucking hospital?!” the two of you jumped back, startled by the door banging open and reo going inside, the paper bag filled with food frozen in his outstretched hand. 

you bit back a laugh as you saw rin look away, cheeks turning red and you could feel your own heating up as well. reo sighs and shakes his head before he brings back the attention to the food in hand. 

“you can eat each other’s faces later, we brought food. also, (y/n) we got you soup because that’s what the doctor said.” reo said as he gestures to the bowl on the side, clearly having his personal chef prepare it because all of you knew that reo wouldn’t settle for takeout in a situation like this. 

before you could reach for the soup. rin beats you to it, taking out the spoon and holding the bowl close to him before he scoops the liquid and brings it to your mouth. 

“really?” you couldn’t help but let out a teasing smile. 

“i’m only feeding you because you’re still unwell… and i love you.” he whispers in the last part, causing you to freeze. 

“h-huh?” the skin of your marked wrist twitches as you asked him to reiterate, you’ve heard him say it before the entire accident but it still felt surreal. 

rin put the bowl of soup down, clasping your marked hands together. “i love you.” he says, pressing a kiss to your mark, uncaring of the fact that the universe doesn’t want you to be together, that you weren’t destined to be with one another, that you were born to be alone in this world.

“i love you.” he repeats, placing a kiss on the skin of your wrist.

the both of you freeze as an overwhelming sensation takes the both of you by surprise, the two of you instinctively tightening the grip you had on each other’s hands as a surge of white light explodes between your intertwined hands. 

“w-what the hell is happening?” nagi whispers to reo who stopped mid bite when his peripheral caught sight of the white. 

“(y/n)... your mark!” reo gasped as the black mark disintegrates from your skin, leaving a blank canvas. “rin, yours too!” nagi added, the couple’s eyes widened in disbelief while the both of you had your eyes closed due to the sudden pricks of pain. 

you opened your eyes once you hear reo exclaim about your mark, widening once you see white dots appearing in replacement of the obsidian color you were familiar with for the past nine years. 

a gasp escapes you, causing rin to open his eyes and look at you before immediately looking down, eyes widening as well as his wrist being in the same condition as yours.

the two of you watched with bated breaths as a pattern slowly formed on your wrist, lines connecting and painting a mark that only meant for you before the line completed. your intertwined hands began shaking once you realized that the lines stopped from you and continued for rin’s. the pattern being drawn into a perfect contrast for yours. 

a perfect fit. 

once rin’s wrist was completed, it was silent. 

the two of you looked at each other at the same time, speechless on what just happened and before any of you in the room could say anything. 

you felt a ticklish feeling on your mark.

you hear reo gasp, from your peripheral, you can see him clutch nagi’s arm as he says shakily. 

“the mark… it’s…” you didn’t hear anything after that as your focused eyes turned towards the mark, the previously white lines was now being colored a shade of gold. 

tears well up in your eyes as you look at rin who was looking at you with an unknown expression. 

what the fuck just happened?

in a world where one’s soulmate is determined on the night you turn sixteen, you and rin manage to defy the universe at the age of twenty five. 

“r-rin…” you were cut off by his lips slotting with yours once more, you closed your eyes, letting the tears slip out as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. 

you can hear reo let out a sob. he was so, so happy for you. 

reo knows that you deserved this happiness more than anyone. nagi lets out a smile before he wraps his arm around his lover, pressing a short kiss on his forehead as the young heir sobs into his soulmate’s chest. 

you pull away, lips forming into a teary smile as rin wipes it with a shaky hand. he couldn’t believe it either. a few hours ago, he was begging for the universe to wake you up and to return you to him. 

he never expected that you’d fully be his once you wake up. 

it was as if the universe was saying. we were wrong. be happy. you truly belong to each other.

“i love you.” you whisper as you nuzzle closer to his hand on your cheek. 

“i love you… soulmate.” he responds, a genuine smile breaking out of his face when he sees you giggling at the word. 

“my soulmate.” you say back, a happy smile on your face.

“(y/n), oh my god!” you hear reo yell as he stands up and runs over to the both of you, you and rin pulls away as reo envelopes you into a hug. 

“oh my god… what just happened?! did you see that shit? it was like a white explosion then  the next thing is that you had a soulmate?! what the fuck– what in the actua–” 

“reo…” you cut him off, a small smile on your face. 

“do you remember our promise of finding our soulmates with each other?” reo’s bottom lip wobbled, suddenly remembering how you were right there beside him when he first saw nagi, he remembers the childhood promise you made with him. 

“you’re here with me when i found mine.” you say, “you led me to him. thank you.” you smile, emotional as reo buries his head to your shoulder as he sobs, your one arm wrapping around his back, comforting your best friend. 

you can see nagi look at him fondly as he nears the three of you, clasping a hand on rin’s shoulders. 

“you still think the blind date was a waste of time?” “man, shut up.”

rin and nagi smiled at each other at the lighthearted conversation before rin looked at you once more. 

adoration and affection written on his face as he catches your attention by placing his hand on your free one. the sudden touch caused you to look at him as he smiles and mouths. 

“i love you.”

you smiled back, letting him lace your hands together as you mouth back. 

“i love you too.”

in a world where soulmates were destined at a young age, you changed destiny and finally found the man you grew to love and in turn, the universe decided to go along with the odds. sealing your fate with his. 

the two of you were destined to be with each other.

[scaramouchefootrest]

WON'T YOU LEND ME YOUR FAITH? | R. ITOSHI

❁ tags ; fem!reader (reader dresses femininely + is referred to as a girl / with she/her pronouns), reader is shorter than rin , strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, getting together, rin is soo teenage boy (and makes some annoying teen-boy comments), slow-burn, making out is as suggestive as this gets, stereotypical shoujo romance, usage of honorifics, coming of age

❁ wc ; 21.4k (insane. most insane thing ive ever seen)

❁ a/n ; i'm genuinely appalled by the length of this fic. how did that happen. what in the world. this fic is truly just. every single shoujou manga trope crammed into one okay. my silly little self indulgent romance !!!!

also this fic is sfw + takes place in their third of hs so im not gonna say mdni that's silly. however if you're a minor please do not follow me i post heinous dark content and this fic is a fluke in the timeline dskffjkfd

❁ synopsis ; the love story of a sensitive, stoic soccer player and an eccentric wannabe journalist

or that time you confess to itoshi rin, knowing he'll reject you, and asking to befriend him in spite of it.

“I like you,” 

A breeze of wind passes.

“What?” 

You confess to Itoshi Rin at the start of the Spring semester. On the school rooftop with your head down. Bent at a near ninety degrees as you hold out what looks like a love letter.

For a minute, he can’t do anything more than stare. He’s received countless confessions in highschool. Half of which he rejected immediately, not even stopping to hear the full extent of their feelings. Why would he? The lukewarm ideas of first love had never been of interest. Even before his fight with Sae, Rin was always focused on his goals. 

After his second year of high school was spent in Bluelock, Rin has only returned for his third. He promised his parents he’d graduate properly, and Bluelock was off-season until Ego could fully prepare for the next stages. 

And a lot has changed since then. But some parts of him, namely his feelings towards the idea of conventional relationships, haven't changed at all. 

It’s only been a little less than three weeks since school had started, and by now he’s received more confessions than he can really remember. All of which he’s rejected coldly, and blankly, because Itoshi Rin has never been in the business of coddling anyone. Most of those girls he’s never even met. Knows nothing about them because they’re first or second years he’d never even spoken to. 

Rin, however, does know you. You’ve been in his class in all 3 years of his highschool, and he’s seen you around more than once. You’re in the newspaper club, which he remembers because you covered their winning match back when Rin was a first year. He wouldn’t call you friends, but you’ve spoken to each other enough that he can remember your name with a little effort. 

He also  remembers you being sort of annoying. You’re one of those loud and earnest types that he can’t stand. 

A year ago, Rin would’ve denied knowing you at all. But now that things with Sae have cleared up just a little - he’s not inclined to take his anger out on you. He knows you. Not well, but enough.

And if his reputation precedes him at all, then you know Rin too. You know that he’s never once gone out with a single girl in his 3 years of highschool and that most of the guys in all three grades consider him an arrogant jerk. You know that he mostly plays soccer alone during breaks and that he only really hangs out with one person. 

Which means you must know that he doesn’t harbor any feelings for you. And that he’s going to reject your confession without thinking twice about it. 

In the first place, he was just curious if you were stupid enough to do it. If you really called him up here for a roof-top confession. The fact that you were is what’s stifling him. Your words are familiar. He’s heard them so many times. But it’s baffling. It’s ridiculous. 

You lift your head to face him. You’re still smiling, though there’s something more there that he can’t understand. He doesn’t do well with people like you begin with. He finds himself backing away when you jog up closer towards him. 

He’s taller than you, he notices. You pick your head up to look at him and smile, toothy and at ease. You hold the letter up again and shove it towards him, though you don’t seem like you’re expecting him to take it. He stares at you. 

“I like you,” You repeat, smooth and bubbly. He frowns. 

“I don’t like you.” 

He has expectations for this part. Normally he receives a saddened look like a dog whose tail he stepped on or a fit of crying (sometimes genuine, sometimes with the intent of guilt.) Sometimes he gets an awkward smile trying to seem unbothered by the whole situation. 

You don’t falter though. You don’t even flinch at the words, cold as ice and steely. It throws him off. 

“I know,” You say back,  prying the letter away from him. You turn the other way, walking towards the metal grates and for a minute Rin wonders if you’re going to do something drastic. You don’t though, instead sticking your the paper in the air “That’s why I have a proposal,” 

He stares, absolutely dumbfounded. You turn again towards him. 

“I want to get to know you. And keep confessing to you,” You say first, and Rin immediately goes to reject you until you put your hands up “And I want you to keep rejecting me.” 

He’s baffled. Really. 

“What?” 

“So I can gradually lose my feelings for you. Nothing that different on your end, honestly..” 

It sounds annoying. It really does. If it were anyone else, under any other circumstance he would scoff and tell them to deal with their own shitty feelings alone just like everyone else. But there’s no hidden intention there. Rin’s always been good at sniffing that out. Your words are pure as can be.

Frustratingly simple and twice as sincere, no matter how confusing the whole thing is. 

“Why should I?” 

“We can be friends,” You reply like it’s the best deal he could ask for. “Isn’t that enough? Not like you really have any right now.” 

He scoffs bitterly albeit he can’t counter you. 

“Friendship is lukewarm. I don’t care about any of that stuff,” 

“Lukewarm? Really? Then..think of it like I’ll be your shield. You hate when people socialize with you right? I’ll help you deal with it.” 

That doesn’t sound too bad actually. On top of that, he’s kind of curious what your deal is. He rolls his eyes at you, turning to face the other way. 

“Do whatever you want. It’s not like it matters.” 

His response makes you beam. He hears you shout from the otherside of the yard, followed by the sound of your footsteps noisily thudding against the concrete as you try to catch up with him. He walks faster than you just to spite you for earlier, but he hears your last words through a huff of breath. 

“Jeez, you’re fast. I’ll see you at lunch, be prepared!” 

Somehow, he feels like he’s crossed paths with something he shouldn’t’ve. 

__

You keep up with your end of the deal with Rin to the best of your ability. 

The upsides of your arrangement is that the usual annoyances Rin has to deal with have decreased significantly in the time you’ve been hanging around him. You’re very good at using your speech to sway conversations one way or the other without upsetting the other party.

Normally, Rin’s rejections for different things leave a bitter taste in the air. He’s never been good at mincing his words for anyone and while it doesn’t affect him - the strange stares and whispers he gets are a little annoying to deal with. People always take his disinterest personally. Rin has always hated that. He was probably a little gentler about the denial before but still. 

While other people are too stupid to pay it any mind, you’re clever at turning the tides your way. You always manage to completely divert their questions without making them feel uncomfortable. Rin has tried, many times, to actually break down how you’re doing it. He doesn’t think he’d ever be able to replicate it, no matter how much he studies you. 

He’s reluctant to admit it, but really, your presence has significantly lowered the number of obstacles in his daily life and made him overall, less irritable. 

Instead of many annoying things, there’s only you. Which is tolerable in comparison. 

You also expect him to uphold his end of the deal. For the most part, this has just meant you inserting yourself into his usual activities. It started out small enough, mostly just you sitting with him during lunch. It draws too much attention to eat in the classroom so you both fuck off to the roof. 

(You often joke about how romantic it is, reminiscing on your rejected first love with as much melodrama as you can muster. 

Rin never laughs about it to your face, but he admits it’s funny. Your stupidity is mildly amusing, at least ) 

There, you eat lunch together. Rin learns you make yourself colorful bentos from time to time- though some days are much less elaborate than others. You like to unwind that way, your designated and nightly me-time. You work part-time, and you take care of your neighbors kids by helping them every morning and night. 

Rin doesn’t ask you for more, not willing to deliberately show interest. 

But you notice his curiosity for better or for worse and explain that she, the woman next door, used to make you dinner back when your parents were too busy. You have an older brother who's nearly twelve years your senior so you were alone for most of your childhood. She had children late, but they feel like your little siblings. So you help them in the mornings and in the evenings when you have time. 

Rin learns you, funnily enough, have a sense of obligation towards other people that he can’t fully comprehend. He forgot there were people like that. In an environment like Bluelock that is so dead set on fostering ego, it’s easy to forget something so simple. 

You haven’t confessed to him again since that time. Not like he’s expecting it, but given your personality he wonders why. He thought it’d be more of a daily occurence, something like a bit you did. But you never do. Even when at times, it’s so heavy in the atmosphere even he can tell you want too. 

Admittedly, Rin wonders a lot more about you than he cares to. He wonders why you spend so much time with him when you have plenty of other friends who seem to cherish you. He wonders why you care so much about the dying club you're in. He wonders if this, in some strange way, stems from some kind of obligation.

He wonders, sometimes, what about him you could even like. It’s probably something stupid. You’d probably think long and hard before going on to say that you like him because he’s handsome or cool. Something shallow and meaningless. 

He tells himself that when he starts thinking about it again. 

__

Rin gets roped into cleaning the classroom with you. 

He’s used to being paired with other people. But he’s never had to do with you before, even in the years prior. Or maybe he did. He doesn’t recall much of his first year. 

Still, now that it’s already mid-May, Rin has never been on cleaning duty with you. He’s conscious of the sound of your name these days. It’s not something he’s happy about. 

It’s a simple affair. Just 15 or 20 minutes. Nothing to talk about. Not really. 

But, today you’re alone with him. Alone in an empty classroom with light pouring through the windows and reflecting off of the wooden desks. You’re busying yourself with wiping down the chalkboard, humming quietly. Rin has the broom and dust pan, slowly working himself towards the front of the room. 

It’s mostly quiet. Just your humming. The soft thud of a dust pan, a gentle brush of the bristle. 

Rin feels a crick in his neck, half-way done with the task at hand. He stares at you, off in the front. In your own little world as you fix everything up diligently without turning your head to look up at him even once. 

The nape of your neck is visible from the way you’re standing. There’s a chain there. Do you wear a necklace under your uniform? He can see the slope of your shoulders. The light reflects on you. 

It stops him dead in his tracks. All he can hear is the quiet. The soft humming of your voice. The thud of the dust pan, the woosh of an eraser. The gentle bristle of a broom. The sound of his own heartbeat, a little louder than it was a minute ago. 

He shakes his head. He goes back to sweeping. 

__

“Why do you look like that?” 

You look depressed. For Rin, this expression on you is unusual. You do look sad sometimes.  Somber, occasionally but the look you have on your face right now is down right harrowing. You’re staring blankly out into the open, sitting in the usual spot the two of you have lunch at. But you’ve hardly touched your food and your favorite juicebox (a lunchtime staple) doesn’t have a straw in it yet. 

It’s freaking him out, quite frankly. He stares at you, waving a hand in front of your face until you click back into reality. You jump in your skin at the sight of him before taking a deep breath once you’ve realized who’s in front of you. 

“Oh. It’s just you. Sorry,” You say, immediately going for your juice. See? “What did you say?” 

He sighs, sitting down next to you with his own lunch. Nothing special, something his mom likes to pack when he’s at home - though he doesn’t often take it. He opens up his own tin, taking chopsticks out attached from the top. 

“I asked why you looked like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like someone just died.” 

You look at him morbidly, clasping your hands and leaning forward with your elbows on your knees. 

“My midterm grades,” You say solemnly, voice wavering ever so slightly “They’re detestable. A shame to my bloodline.” 

Rin looks at you plainly. 

“Aren’t you an idiot to begin with?” 

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m average. Super average. But I scored even lower than usual and I’m concerned. I need to do well on the next one and on my entrance exams.” 

Oh, right. Rin forgot since he has no plans to take any. 

“Do you know what you want to do for college?” He asks, mostly out of obligation. 

“I want to study journalism.” There’s a wispiness to your way of speaking. It gives the air a sentimental feel. “There’s a private university with a good program I want to get into but they’re kind of tough. So I have to focus and do well,” 

“What subject are you struggling with?” 

You deflate all over again. 

“Chemistry and Classical Japanese,” 

Rin does well in both subjects. He thinks it over, and decides he can consider this payback. That’s all it is. He’s never liked owing people for favors and while you say this much is enough - Rin can rest assured about your little deal if he’s actually been of use to you in return. He remains impassive as he takes a sip of water. 

“Do you want me to help you study?” 

You turn to him immediately, suddenly full of life. He doesn’t like the gleam in your eyes, an immediate regret settling in as he stares at you, eyes full of disdain. You don’t hesitate grabbing his hand, putting it to your forehead and bowing deeply as you face him. You’re like a fly that keeps buzzing around him. 

“Are you serious? Really? Forreal? Do you mean it?” 

“If you keep being  a dipshit I’m going to take it back,” 

You pull away, hands folded in your lap, going stone faced.

“I would be very grateful,” You say, hands clasped in front of your face. He rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” He says bluntly, staring out into space “I just don’t want to owe you any favors.” 

This you laugh at, leaning back on the wall behind you - with your legs stretched out. 

“Don’t worry,” You reply, self-assured. “Somehow, you asking me to study with you so innocently really cements it in that you don’t have a shred of affection for me.” 

Something in him stirs. He ignores it. 

“Never in a million years.” 

You laugh light-heartedly. 

“You’re so cold to me, Itoshi-kun.” 

“You still call me that.” He grimaces. You stare at him confused. 

“How else would I call you?” 

“When you use my last name it reminds me of my brother,” 

“...Are you implying I should use your first name?” 

Oh. Shit. That is what he sort of said, isn’t it? 

“No,” He denies, somehow unable to come up with anything worthwhile “Don’t address me at all.” 

“Eh? But that’s impossible? I can try but,” 

Only an idiot like you would think to actually try. He shakes his head. It’s no good after all. 

“Shut up,” He decides, because there’s not anything else he can think to say “We can study at the library.” 

You’re quick to reject the proposal. 

“We have to pick somewhere else. Like a cafe or something,” You say, not looking at him. You have your phone pulled up now, looking for places nearby. He’s lost again. 

“What? Why? Isn’t it easier if it’s at school?” 

You glance over at him wide-eyed, before suddenly smiling. It’s a knowing smile, almost like you feel sorry for him. He wants to ask why you look like that. It’s weirdly guarded and he hates that from you. He stares at you, trying to will you to explain yourself. You’re good at reading his thoughts, frustratingly enough, so he’s not accustomed to asking. 

Which means your lack of answer is deliberate, and even with the pressure he’s putting on you, you don’t budge.

“Trust me on this one,” You voice light and airy. “It’s better if we find somewhere away from school, too. There’s still some time to look, so no rush.” 

He lets it go because he doesn’t have any other choice. Lunch passes and you talk like everything's normal.

The question lingers in the back of his mind. 

__ 

Rin spends most of his time between classes watching soccer. If he has some free time on his day off, he’ll look for a new movie to watch. There’s a new foreign film coming out from a director who he really likes and he’s just finished watching the trailer.

Thirsty, with nothing to do - he stands to his feet and briefly surveys the classroom. He wants a drink and there’s a vending machine down the hallway with a sports drink that tastes like..something. 

His airpods are close to being dead so there’s no music as he makes his way. He’s not a fan of being forced to listen to the chatter of the general populace so it’s not that hard to ignore.  

It catches his attention when he hears your name in passing before turning the corner of the hall. It stops him dead in his tracks, something tense left in the syllables after . He doesn’t know why he stopped, not exactly. He figured it’d be annoying if his presence caused a ruckus. 

He’s used to people talking about you, though they usually describe you as a busybody. The Senpai who’s everywhere. A hand in every jar, or something like that. But there’s a tone to that, mild amusement - never malice, that Rin is more than accustomed to. 

This is not that, he notices. He leans on the wall and listens. A group of girls. Some of the voices he recognizes. They’re from the third year classroom down the hall. 

“It’s like, I don’t know,”  Eto-san, he thinks. She’s come up to him before, more times than he can really count on one hand. Rin knows the type. Kind but not really. To the point it’s hard for anyone to call her out on it. “It’s weird how much she hangs around him. She’s not a bad girl or anything,” 

The addition makes Rin’s eye twitch. Yeah. He’s very familiar with this type. He keeps listening. Another voice, but he has no idea who this one is. 

“Really? But Senpai is pretty kind to me,” 

“Mm, I guess so. I just wonder if it makes Itoshi-kun uncomfortable, you know? With pushy people like that, it doesn’t matter how blunt you are. I just worry about him a bit.” 

If it wasn’t so annoying to listen in, Rin would laugh. He’s never understood girls. Especially not highschool ones. He doesn’t pay attention to that kind of social hierarchical shit to begin with, only forced to acknowledge it because other people do. None of it matters to him.

He does think back to what you said a week ago, about finding a place away from school to study. It clicks. You probably know they talk about you like this. Or you could surmise this outcome. Rin should expect that level of awareness from you. Sincere. Always attuned to everyone. Of course this is something you know but he doesn’t. 

Why didn’t you tell him? That’s annoying. It’s nothing he couldn’t deal with knowing. He would’ve got it if you explained it earlier. 

“Oh wow, you really care about him Eto-san,” 

There’s a soft chuckle that makes Rin annoyed. Is he supposed to feel grateful? They’ve barely spoken to each other.

“It’s not like that. It must be hard since he missed second year, that’s all.” 

With that, Rin decides to turn the corner. 

He’s a little pleased at the reaction. How everyone goes into complete silence when he arrives. He spares her a glance as he moves towards the vending machines, clicking in the buttons. A generic sports drink comes tumbling out of the bottom, and Rin grabs it with deliberate slowness - drawing out the unease. 

Eto-san gives him a blank stare before suddenly looking cheerful. She seems a little panicked, quickly trying to make conversation with him. The words don’t reach his ears as he stares down at her expressionlessly.

“Are you done?”  He says, ice-cold. She stutters at that. Rin suppresses a smile. 

“Oh, uhm, yeah. Sorry, were you busy?” 

“Yeah,” He says back, completely apathetic. 

He doesn’t plan on saying anymore in the first place. The little victories count. 

It does feel like some kind of magic when he hears your voice from the other end of the hallway. You’re practically shouting it, and following is the sound of the hall monitors telling you off for running as you barrel toward him full speed. He can hear the thud of your sneakers all the way till they skid to a stop. 

You’re out of breath, bent over your knees and messy as you put a hand up. Most times, he would be embarrassed. He’d even tell you off for being such an idiot. Right now, he finds the corners of his lips upturned as he stares at you from where you stand. 

“Oh, hey guys. Sorry, I had some business with this guy. Oh, Fujita-chan, your hair is cute today! I like how it looks up on you,”  You say, to the girl who was calling you kind just a minute ago “I hope he wasn’t too cruel to you. He’s actually afraid of women, it’s a generational curse. Every night he turns into a frog and—” 

You shuffle in front him, arms stretched out like a shield. He sticks his leg out and kicks your shin. You yelp in pain. 

“What the hell are you talking about? Shut up.” 

“Ow, you strong bastard. You’re a soccer player, please be more conscious of your kicks. What if you shattered my shin? I know you’re loaded but it’s the principle of the thing, you know—” 

“Stop talking or I’ll kick you a second time.” 

You go silent immediately. 

“Forgive me, Itoshi-sama. I’ve strayed from the path of righteousness. Alas, the people need you.” You say, turning around. 

“Speak clearly.” 

“Homeroom teacher wanted to double check with you about after graduation plans and told me to go get you.” 

“Why you?”

“I was already walking around for the newspaper club.” 

He nods, not needing any more explanation. 

“H-hey, aren’t you acting too friendly with him?” 

So she decided to speak. This makes you falter, just a little, and Rin detests the look of self-satisfaction on her face. He speaks this time. It’s not like he can’t fight any of his own battles. 

“It’s fine,” He says, not bothering to think about it. He looks at you, as you stare back at him where he stands, wide-eyed. Idiot. “I don’t mind.”

You grin at him. Big and rounded and stupid, with all of your teeth like you’re giddy. If the hallway monitor wasn’t up your ass, he figures you’d be skipping about now. You usher him into the hall, back where he came from, waving them off.

“Be seeing you guys, then! Bye!” 

And you’re off. It’s quiet until you’re both completely out of ear-shot. Before he can go any further you stand in front of him, hands behind your back with a dumb look on your face. He already knows what you’re going to say. 

“Hey. I really like you a lot. Just now… my heart was fluttering. I thought I was hallucinating,” 

“You’re a moron,” 

“Ahhh, what should I do? I’m all hot under the collar. Is this what it’s like being a maiden in love? It’s great.” 

“How can you say that knowing I’ve already rejected you?” 

“It’s because you’ve rejected me, I can say that.” 

And Rin doesn't really get it. He’s not sure he ever will. 

But you seem happy enough. He decides against prying. 

__

Somehow, you’ve ended up at Rin’s house. 

He doesn’t know how it happened. Really. 

He mentioned to his mother off-handedly that he needed to help someone study. He should’ve lied about it then, but coming off of running drills makes him pretty stupid. He uses most of his brain power when he trains. So in an altered state of mind due to dehydration, hunger and general exhaustion - he answered  honestly instead of lying. 

You’re helping someone study? Yes, they’re from my class. 

Is it a boy or a girl? A girl. We’re friends. 

You can’t study at the library? She doesn’t want to, so we’re trying to find somewhere else. 

Why not invite her here, if her parents are okay with it? Her parent’s don’t really pay enough attention to be bothered. 

Wait, what is he saying? 

Rin doesn’t know how it happened. Really. Really. He tried pretty hard to reject his mothers advances about the situation but he’s never been one to upset her. The whole thing with Sae really tore her up so they both had a silent agreement to try and get along at home. And since Rin is still living at home for now, he tries harder to listen to her. Even so, he wasn’t planning on yielding for this one. 

Rin is not immune to his mothers guilt. A long lecture about how her only sons never cared about anything but soccer and how she’s worried she’s never going to have grandchildren later, he finally gave in and gave you a call at his dinner table. 

He was hoping you would come through and reject the offer. Say something stupid about how that’s dangerous territory for a young girl in love and let his mom down gently. He forgot about your whole thing about responsibility and being a nice girl who gets along well with adults. 

And now, the door is ringing and Rin knows he’s going to open it to you. He mostly blames himself for not thinking ahead.

Rin opens the door on a Saturday afternoon and the first thing he thinks is that you’re not wearing your uniform. 

You look…different. It’s weird. Your hair is styled in an unusual way, tied with something like ribbon. You’re wearing something flowy and loose but the neck is a little rounder than usual. There’s a necklace there, a heart-pendant with a chain. You have in...earrings. 

Rin thinks vaguely that you look…something. He doesn’t know. But in his vision you’re like a troublesome and amorphous blob that yammers on about nothing. And right now you look…not like that. 

“You’re dressed up.” Are the first words to come out of his mouth. You blink at him owlishly.

“Oh. Yeah. I wanted to make a good impression on your mom so I tried not to look sloppy.” You say sheepishly. He leans against the doorframe. 

“She doesn’t care about stuff like that.” 

“Well I do, okay? Now, can I come in?” 

“The white slippers are for you.”

He steps aside and lets you in. You have perfect manners. He probably should’ve expected that. You take your shoes off neatly and place them on the rack the same way, slipping your feet into the slippers provided. Rin just watches, eyes tracing the curve of your neck. 

“Where’s your mom?” You ask.

“In the kitchen making dinner. You’re staying for dinner right?” 

You blink at him, surprised. 

“I mean it’s not like I can’t.” 

“She’d be upset if you didn’t.” He says noncommittally before walking you down to the kitchen. 

His mother is right where he expects. He stands in the corner as you shuffle in watching on. She turns around to look at you, wiping her hands on her apron. 

“Oh, my, you must be Rin’s friend? Such a lovely girl. Welcome! Welcome.” 

To this, you bow your head as deep as it can go. The air around you feels serious. Rin scoffs internally. There’s a strange feeling in his chest that he can’t describe, seeing you bowing in front of his mom. An itch he can’t reach, locked tight around his ribs. 

You give his mother your name first and she smiles like she’s absolutely delighted just hearing it. 

“Thank you for having me. I brought some fruit with me as a gift, I hope that’s alright.” 

His mom shoots him a look that Rin deflects by turning away, opening the plastic bag you’ve handed to her. 

“Oh my! Aren’t these expensive fruits? Please thank your parents for me!” 

“Oh no, don’t worry about that. I work part-time, so I paid for them myself. It was the least I could do. I’m grateful for the tutoring.” 

You tense up, realizing that might’ve been an awkward thing to say. It isn’t. Even if it was, Rin’s mother has always been soft-hearted. His dad tells him they’re a lot alike but Rin doesn’t see it. Whatever it may be, Rin’s mom is too doting and too sociable to let you feel bad. Right now she seems emotional, an expression between empathy and pride. She reaches for you like it’s the most natural thing in the world, patting your head gently.

“How diligent. Thank you, then, for the fruit.” 

Rin can’t see your face but it’s easy to picture. 

“Of course. And pardon the intrusion! And uhm, thank you for having me for dinner.” 

Clumsy. Rin thinks you’re clumsy. A flickering light. His mom laughs brightly and tells you not to worry. She leans in closer like she’s whispering but Rin can hear her loud and clear. 

“Rin can be very brash but he’s a good boy, so thank you for being kind to him.” 

He feels embarrassed. Even readies himself to intervene. 

“He is very kind to me.” 

Wait. What?

His mom smiles even brighter, and mouths something like ‘take care of her’ when you’re not looking. He wants to stop it before it starts. You’re not dating. You’re hardly even friends, you’re just here to study. Rin almost wants to shout it, but he’s stuck. Before he can do any of that, you’re turning around and smiling like you haven’t said anything strange. 

What do you mean he’s kind to you? When his whole thing is rejecting you mercilessly? Being cruel?

What kind of person would ever describe him as kind? 

He can’t find the words he wants to say, so he takes you to his room in silence. 

__

You both make it to Rin’s room in one piece.

You’ve been studying now for about an hour. Given your personality, Rin was expecting more of a fuss. He thought you’d make some comment about being in a boys room and then fight off the actual studying like the plague. 

Much to his surprise, you started studying with him right away. Rin tries his best to tutor you, though he does make fun of you in the process. But you’re a try-hard all the same, stopping only to ask questions and get clarification occasionally.

You’ve been focused that whole time, miraculously enough. Rin studies too, but only a bit, after deciding to study some recent matches instead. 

( Every now and again, he’ll glance at you. Just to see if you’re stuck or still working. Each time, he gets caught up on the fact you’re not in your uniform and has to tear his eyes away. ) 

After a bout of silence, you yawn out loud, quietly shutting your workbook. 

“I’ve finished all my practice problems for today,” You announce, before deciding to lay down on his floor “I’m beat.” 

“I thought you were gonna give up before you started.”  Rin admits. You frown at him. 

“I was serious about needing tutoring. Thanks for all your help.” 

“I already told you it’s fine. Is there anything else? Finals are next week.” 

You shake your head. 

“Mm, I don’t think so. One of the guys from the newspaper club helped me with math so I’ll be okay.” 

…Huh? 

“From the newspaper club?” 

“Huh? Yeah. Murata-senpai. We’re in the same year. He’s a few months older so he insists on making me call him Senpai.” 

“And he helped you with math?” 

“Yeah. He was a delinquent like, all of first year but he really cleaned up his act. He’s actually really gentle.”

Rin frowns at that. 

“Do people usually describe delinquents as gentle?”  

You make a noise of indignance from where you’re laid on his floor. 

“Hey. Murata-senpai is really nice, okay? And he is gentle, so I won’t tolerate your usual judginess.” 

Rin rolls his eyes. 

“How’d you even meet him?” 

“Uh…I wanted to write a column about him, basically. He was helping in the garden last year and I kinda…stalked him. It sounds worse than it is. I just wanted to know what made him change.” 

“So stalking people is pretty typical for you.” 

You sit up and gape at him. Rin suppresses a laugh. 

“Anyways. I eventually flagged him down for an interview. Apparently, he had a real scare with his granny getting sick and decided he needed to cut the shit. He’s a good guy. He joined the newspaper club after the interview,” 

“After the interview…?” 

You nod, leaning forward with your elbows on the table in front of you. 

“Uh-huh. Said he was interested because of my passion or something. He’s been really nice to me ever since and helps me with all of the ideas I have.” You soften as you talk about it. Rin feels an ugly emotion in his chest “I’m worried about what will happen to the club after graduation, but Senpai is always encouraging me to make the most out of the time we still have. So I’m really thankful for him. That’s why you have to be nice.” 

Rin is super annoyed. He doesn’t know why he’s so annoyed but he is. How do you not realize this guy likes you? He doesn’t know why he’s opening his mouth to tell you what’s so obvious. It’s not like it really matters. Rin doesn’t like you in the first place, so if he informs you that your beloved Murata-senpai has feelings for you - it’s no big deal. 

In fact it might be better for everyone if you realize. He’s just frustrated by how clueless you can be sometimes. 

“He’s interested in you,” Rin says, against his better judgment. It feels like the words are welling up in his throat “Your senpai or whatever.” 

You blink at him stupidly. He wonders if you’re wearing mascara. 

“Huh? I doubt that somehow. Senpai is kind to me but I think he sees me like a little sister.” 

He scoffs at you. 

“You would think that. Most guys aren’t just nice to girls they don’t like.” 

“Not everyone is like you, yanno.” You say back without thinking twice. That’s not the point this time, he wants to say. And he’s right for this one. Anyone else with half of a brain would realize. You’re just… you. Which means you’re absolutely unaware of things pertaining to you. It’s the only reason he can think you’d deny something so obvious. 

The only reason you could come to the house of a boy you liked just to study. 

“Shut up. I’m saying this because you’re too much of a dumbass to put it together on your own. The guy definitely likes you.” 

“I didn’t know you were a love guru,” You say sarcastically, sticking your tongue out at him. Childish. Annoying “It doesn’t matter if he does.” 

“Why wouldn’t it matter?” 

You give him an incredulous look. 

“Unfortunately my heart is captured by an aloof sportsman.” 

He doesn’t know why he feels relieved when you say that. He feels his heart all the way in his throat like he’s going to throw it up, even though his expression remains impassive. 

“You already know I don’t like you, though. It’s a good opportunity, isn’t it? Don’t a lot of people move on that way.”

You shake your head. 

“I’m not that sort of wishy-washy woman.” You reply, huffing your chest up and trying to ease the tension. You stop to shake your head, a small smile on your face. “You wouldn’t get it even if I explained.” 

“It’s annoying when you do that,” Rin voices, not bothering to cut it any other way “You did that with the girls at school too. I’m never gonna get it if you don’t bother explaining it to me.” 

You soften at this, then whisper. 

“...Why do you care?” But it’s not said with any malice. It’s not said sadly either. Just curious. He freezes, but doesn’t let it show. He wants to ask himself the same question. 

“I don’t. It’s just,” And he scoffs, not looking at your face “It’s a pain.” 

You hum, not expecting more of an answer. 

“I want to treasure my own feelings towards you,” You say, and something in Rin feels like it’s being set on fire. “It’s not just about having a boyfriend. If it was, then I’d consider Senpai's feelings.” 

“...So it’s about me, specifically?” 

“Yeah,” You say without offering any more explanation than that “It is. I like you.”

The words but why, linger in the air. You seem to be feeling merciful, as you lean back on your palms and stare up at his ceiling. You wear your heart outside of your body, more often than not. And he thinks that part of you is so hard to get used to. 

“You’re really awkward. And aloof. And you don’t have any friends.” 

“Is this some kind of revenge or…?” 

“But. You’re also sensitive. The more I know you, the more I think you’re kind and well-meaning. You uh, remind me of a cat.” 

He blinks. 

“A cat?” 

“A cat. Sometimes they want their own space. And sometimes they knock your water off your desk for fun. Plus they only really care about people in their own circle,”

“Again, is this—” 

“Let me finish, jeez. They’re solitary creatures. But like when they accept you, they get comfortable. An’ nice . And they look out for you in their own way. To me you’re a lot like that.” 

You give him a smile so warm it makes his back hot. So loud and so vibrant like it burst out of him at any minute. 

“I’ve uh, always been interested in you. I watched you play in Bluelock too. I kept thinking to myself, there’s something about you. I want to know more, even if it’s just a little. Stuff like that.” You talk so quietly yet it’s all Rin can hear. All Rin can see in his vision is you. All Rin can think about is you. “I’ve always been interested in other peoples stories.  So I thought, what a waste it would be, to throw away that feeling because of something like love or like. I thought, ‘What's your story, Itoshi Rin?’” 

Rin doesn’t know what to say so he chooses to say nothing. 

“When I confessed, I knew you would never like me. Because that’s just the sort of person everyone says you are. Still, what a waste, right? You miss all the shots you don’t take or whatever. So, I wanted to get to know you. I guess.”  

“I don’t get it. I get what you’re like but it still doesn’t make any sense. There’s nothing special to know, is there?” 

“Feeling that is special, don’t you think? That’s a special reason to me.” 

He doesn’t follow. You laugh lightly. 

“If I never became interested in Murata-senpai’s story, I would’ve never been his friend. If I gave up on trying to know you, just because you didn’t return to my one-sided feelings, then I would’ve never gotten to know you either. Don’t you think that’s a waste?” 

Rin doesn’t know. He’s never really cared about it. He’s rejected so many confessions and never once thought enough about any of them in any depth. That part of you is foreign. He can chalk it up to a difference in character. He can’t understand wanting to know someone just because. 

(Or maybe he can. He just hasn’t until now. Until this very moment, suspended in time. Where he wants to know what things make you the way you are.) 

Some small, dark part of him wants to ask why. Over and over until his throat feels raw - long enough to understand it. Even as he grips onto that desire so tight, with such bruising force, the words sit in his mouth. They taste like iron. They taste like a bitten tongue. If you’ve watched him all this time, then you know. Being chosen. He’s never been confident in that. Rin wants to ask, why him? 

What’s so special? Enough to keep talking to him? Enough to do any of this? Is getting to know people is always this difficult, he wonders. Does it always feel uncomfortable to be in proximity with someone? 

In the end, he can’t bring himself to ask. He can’t even bear to examine it in himself, the sense of dread washing over him like sickness. He’s nauseous. And this time, there’s a residue of tension he’s finding increasingly difficult to ignore. 

You come through again. He wonders if you can read his mind just like you do with all the nobodies at school. 

“Rin-kun,” You say, your voice like the summer heat. “Getting to know you makes me feel like my feelings aren’t a waste. I’m happy getting to know you. I want to treasure that.” 

What happens when you run out of things to know? The question is too heavy. He settles on a different one. He wants to understand it more. Just to put himself at ease. 

“Isn’t being in the same room with someone who rejected you uncomfortable?” 

“Maybe. But there’s a clear line for me and you, so it’s cool. In like, ten years, maybe someone will interview me about you. As your classmate and stuff. And I’ll go - ‘He’s actually a really nice guy. I actually had a crush on him.’ If I can say that, without being regretful, then that’ll be enough for me.” 

“That’ll be enough for you? Really?” 

“Really.” 

“You’re so weird.” He says, unsure of what else he could possibly say. You giggle, and lay back down on his floor. 

“I knew you’d say that.” 

__ 

Summer comes. 

It doesn’t occur to Rin how often he sees you in school until it all comes to  a halt. He has your number, and you text him often - about unimportant and trivial shit that you think of. In that way, it doesn’t even really feel like you’ve separated. 

But the sudden absence of your chattering in his life makes everything feel especially quiet. Summer is a boring time for Rin. It’s mostly the same. Practicing and playing and studying. On the few occasions he’s been out, it’s because some of the other Bluelock members are gathering and refuse to let him know even a breath of peace.

He’s seen Sae now, though they never really talk about anything. Sort of just look at each other and exchange enough words that their mom doesn’t cry before going back to their room. Sae will be gone before school starts back up again, so Rin isn’t all that worried about it. 

It occurs to Rin for the first time that this summer will be the last of his highschool days. He’s never been sentimental about stuff like that - so he figures you’re to blame for these sudden thoughts. 

Your summer has been a lot busier than his. He should probably expect this from you by now, but your surprisingly youthful social life always shocks him. You’ve been working part-time as usual. In that time though, you’ve also been to the beach and been on an overnight trip to Osaka with your newspaper club. 

(Rin wasn’t happy to hear about this. He was relieved to know it was with a teacher and that you roomed with a girl. But still, not exactly his favorite of anecdotes for the summer.) 

You’ve invited Rin more than once to come hang out with you, but he’s basically always declined. The group setting is troublesome, but being alone with you feels even worse somehow. It wouldn’t be a date, obviously, but it would be something. Something deliberate. 

Rin doesn’t know if he can come see you in good faith for such a reason. 

It’s another day spent doing his usual. Being technical, it’s a rest day, which means he’s only allowed to stretch. He has done his basics. Studied, messed around with his ball, responded to a barrage of texts from Bachira and Isagi. He played games for a while, checking out a new horror game before deciding it’d be best not to get too sucked in so he has something to play next time. 

After all that, during a mid-August day while Rin sits on his couch and watches T.V., he receives a facetime call from you for the very first time. At first, he just lets it ring. But when it keeps ringing - he figures your persistence is going to continue unless he replies. 

He looks around. No one's home, so he doesn’t need to go to his room. He swipes, and the call connects. The screen shows him, propped up against something with a full shot of your room. You’re turned away from the camera. Rin just stares. 

“Oh, shit - did you actually pick up?” 

“Should I hang up.” 

“No! No, I just wasn’t expecting you. Don’t hang up. I need a guy's opinion.” 

“What? What for?” 

“I got in a fight with my brother about a dress I bought,” You say, exasperated, and Rin is surprised because you hardly see him. “I know he’s probably looking out for me but I don’t think we talk enough for him to be telling me how to dress.” 

“He’s older than you, right? Maybe you should listen to him.” 

“You’re the last person I want to hear that from. Either way, I’m not a kid. I’m already 18 and I’m going to college. It’s a cute dress! I feel like it’s fine.”

“So..why’d you call me again?” 

“I’m gonna try it on and show you. Murata-senpai is busy.” 

“You shouldn’t do that to a guy who likes you.” Rin deadpans. You laugh.

“Shut up. I really need an opinion. I wanted to wear it to go out today so if it’s actually too provocative then I have to change my outfit.” 

“Where are you even going?” 

“My friend needs to get a concealer, so probably the mall or something. After that I’ll go buy some stationary.” 

“Alone? What about your friend?” 

“She’s gonna go see her boyfriend.” 

“Why can’t you just go with them? Or ask them to go with you” 

“And third wheel? I’m good. I just need some stationary and then I’ll be home. Easy peasy. Anyway, what’s with the interrogation?” 

“It’s not interrogation.” He insists. You’re offscreen so Rin can’t see you, but he can hear the sound of a zipper echo in the speakers. He’s also sure you’re rolling your eyes. 

When you come on camera, the dress of the hour is on display. Rin’s first thought is to tell you to take it off. It is too provocative to him. The front is fine as is, but it’s nearly backless and it’s cut too high on your thighs. He’s never seen so much of your skin. Maybe that’s a given, since he didn’t go to the beach with you either. 

You give him a quick spin, before patting the front down. You say something, but the words don’t register. It feels like his brain is full of cotton or something. 

“So? Too much? I mean it’s backless but like. I don’t know, it’s kind of loose? And the sleeves are long. Neckline isn’t that bad, either.” 

Rin just says what he thinks “You shouldn’t go out alone wearing it.” 

You frown at him. 

“That’s not helpful, Rin-kun.” 

“It’s…fine. What time does your friend have to go?” 

“Probably right after we’re done.” 

He sighs. 

“Tell her to go with her boyfriend early. I’ll come with you to get your stationary.” 

“Wait, what? Did I hear that right? You’re coming to get me? After I’ve been hounding you to hang out? What’s with the change of heart?” 

“I don’t have anything to do since it’s a rest day. You need stuff and I don’t think you should be out alone. Don’t read into it.” 

“Kinda hard not too but I’m not gonna complain. Are you coming right now?” 

“Yeah. Send me your address.” 

__ 

Rin has no idea what impulse has brought him here. 

That’s not entirely true. What brought him to your apartment towards the end of summer is impulse. He acted on nothing but impulse.

Rin, for better or for worse, finds that you’re clueless about yourself. The fact you were going to call Murata-senpai is already bothering him enough. That, along with the fact you wore the dress and didn’t think it was too short is troubling. It’s not that Rin wants to tell you what not to wear. He doesn’t have the right but you did ask. 

Anyway, it’s a lot less agitating if you’re being accompanied while wearing it. Going alone in something like that, even if it’s the middle of summer, would be stupid.  

Rin doesn’t make it a habit of worrying about the outfits of girls he doesn’t know. He does know you though. He thinks you’d be really annoying if something happened and you got upset about it. So, all he’s doing is preventing that outcome. It’s nothing more than that. 

He knocks on your door as he shakes the thoughts out of his head, and he’s greeted by a man in his late twenties. It dawns on Rin that this is your brother. He really didn’t think this through. 

Your brother is an imposing person. He’s a head taller than Rin with a gruff voice and a scar on his cheek. Rin stares at him blankly. 

“Who are you?” 

“Itoshi Rin. I’m here for—” 

“Nii-san, tell Rin-kun to come inside and sit! I’m not done getting ready.” 

Your brother glares at him. 

“Who’s he? Your boyfriend? Is that why—” 

You come stumbling out of your room, half-dressed and Rin immediately averts his eyes. This is the most uncomfortable experience of his life.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He already rejected me, so we’re just friends. Stop fussing and let him in, it’s hot out.” 

“He rejected you?” 

Rin should just leave. 

“I already knew he was going to. Now move,” 

Rin doesn’t enjoy being involved in your sibling quarrel. Suddenly, he feels a twinge of regret about some old Bluelock memories. He understands it now more than ever, gaining a little empathy. 

Your brother moves out of the way. You’re standing in the hall, with a single stocking on and powder on your face he’s pretty sure is meant to be brushed. You grin at him. 

“Sorry! I won’t be long, promise. You got here faster than I thought you would.” 

Rin can feel a pair of eyes in the back of his skull. 

“Uh. Yeah. I took the bus so it was quick.” 

“It might be uncomfortable here. Do you wanna sit in my room instead? It’s colder but it’s kind of a mess—” 

“He can sit here.”  Your brother insists. Rin is never leaving his house again. You frown. 

“Didn’t I already tell you we’re not dating? He’s not even interested in me, it’s not like anything is gonna happen.” 

“It’s the principle of it.”  Yeah. Definitely siblings. 

“Whatever. If you make him uncomfortable, I’m gonna yell at you. Rin-kun, sorry. Do you need anything? Juice? Water?” 

Your hospitality throws him off. You’re different at home. 

“Uh. No. I’m okay.” 

“Okay, then I’ll hurry and get dressed. Nii-san, please be civil.” 

With that, you flounce back up to your room. Your brother is staring hard in Rin’s direction. He’s not intimidated. It’s just… so awkward it’s kind of unbearable for him. What do people usually do in this situation? Rin’s not exactly the sociable type.

“She confessed to you?” 

Rin is startled. 

“Uh. Yeah. In April.” 

“And you’re friends?” 

“She asked to be friends.” 

Your brother looks distressed. 

“I don’t understand that girl at all.” 

Rin doesn't either. 

“What’s she like in school?” 

Rin stares. Oh. He’s that kind of older brother. 

“Uh. Busy. She’s in the newspaper club so she’s always doing something. She has a lot of friends and gets along with our class.” 

“I see…that’s good. I’m always worried about her. Our family has  always been busy and I moved out when I was 18 so… we don’t see much of each other. She doesn’t talk about herself that much either.” 

Rin nods absently. What circle of hell is this? 

“She probably thinks I’m just being overprotective,” Bullseye “But I just worry she grew up too fast.” 

Rin thinks if he were a different kind of guy, now would be the time he gives your older brother an encouraging heart to heart. The script is there. It’s just not how he honestly feels. Rin doesn’t take pleasure in defending you. But it’s hypocritical and a little ridiculous to hear it from him.

Some of it is leftover resentment from Sae. The rest is knowing you.

You did grow up too fast. From what he knows about teenage girls, they’re supposed to be…meaner. More hysterical. More inconsiderate. Less responsible and more in the moment. Messy. All teenagers are, really. 

For all the ways you are clumsy and ridiculous, sometimes Rin thinks you’re too off-puttingly mature. It wouldn’t kill you to be more selfish. To be just a little less self-reliant. It’s not normal is it? To be so grateful for things you’re owed. It bothers him. Always has. 

Rin knows what the script is. But it bothers him. 

“If you know that then you don’t really have any right to intervene,” Rin says bluntly. “Suddenly acting protective and considerate when she grew up on her own  is just going to feel stifling. Aren’t you just trying to make yourself feel better?” 

He looks surprised by his answer. Hurt too. 

“I guess that’s right,” 

He frowns. 

“If you actually care, just be honest. She’s not the type of person to turn someone away on a grudge.” 

Before Rin can feel embarrassed about what he’s said, you come stumbling down the steps all dressed up. Your brother gives you a look. 

“Do you need any money?” 

You look at him confused then shake your head no. 

“Okay. Stay safe and have fun.” 

He turns to leave. You watch him go. Rin puts his hands in his pockets like he’s trying to wipe himself of it. 

“Weird… anyways. Ready to go?” 

“Yeah.” 

__ 

Your outing goes well. 

Outing. Not a date. No matter how many times people mistake you two for being on a date today - it was nothing more than an outing. 

You start with stationary for the upcoming term, then you drag Rin to the mall because you need some more clothes. After that, you go into a bookstore to pick up some manga. Rin has fun there because he gets to pick out some new releases and you bond mutually over your tastes. Rin learns both like thrillers. You spend a lot of time together, reading over his shoulder. 

It’s not a date. But it wasn’t bad. He’s so used to talking to you that the entire situation doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You’re funnier than he’s usually willing to give you credit for. Doing all that, plus train rides, makes it so you’re not home until sundown. You, however, refuse to end the night without having some kind of treat. After a lot of begging Rin to cheat on his meal plan, the two of you get ice-cream and you drag Rin to a local playground. Apparently you bring your neighbors' kids here sometimes. 

Now he’s here.  Sitting on swings with ice-cream and it is still not a date. Rin has no opinions on the day but you’re practically bursting at the seams with happiness. The dress you’re wearing is hiking up on your thigh from how you’re sitting. He was right to accompany you, by the way. The amount of creeps he’s had to stare down today alone is outright disgusting. 

Rin takes a spoonful of ice-cream and lets it melt in his mouth. You let your feet hit the mulch beneath you as you lick the ice-cream carefully - trying desperately not to let it spill on your hand. He watches on in amusement. After you finally get a handle on it, you give him a small look. 

“I had fun today,” You say sentimentally. Rin feels his stomach tie in knots “Thank you.”

He frowns. 

“Gross. Stop that.” 

“Aw, c’mon. You’re so edgy. Just admit you had fun! You had a fantastic and whimsical time.” 

He gives you an unimpressed stare. 

“Really? Nothing? You’re not feeling the flames of youthful joy in your loins at all?” 

“Describing it like that is disgusting.” 

“So you admit you know what it is.” 

Rin wants to smile. Fuck, he hates you. 

“...It wasn’t bad.” 

You grin. You’re so annoying.

“Ladies and gents, we got an ‘it wasn’t bad’ from the ever soulless Itoshi Rin!” 

Stupid. So stupid.

“It was more tolerable than hanging out with some of my other dipshit friends.” 

You clasp a hand over your mouth dramatically. 

“Oh…Oh wow… Do you want to try proposing next? The set-up is there. Perfect ambience.” 

His face cracks into a begrudging smile. 

“You’re insufferable.” 

You suddenly go quiet. When Rin looks at you, you’re stunned

“Why’re you being weird?” 

“No, sorry, I was just thinking I really like you,” You say, like it’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world “I’ve never seen you smile before. It’s nice.” 

“...Your ability to say cringy shit like that so easily is astounding to me.” 

“I don’t want to hear this from the guy who unironically uses lukewarm,” You say, biting into your ice-cream cone. Rin blushes. “Besides, nothing wrong with being cringe when you’re in love.” 

“Freak.” 

You give him a thumbs up. 

“One of a kind.” 

There’s a beat of silence. It’s comfortable. Rin eats his too, probably a little slower than he has to. Summer feels heavy in the air. 

“You weren’t always like..an edgelord, right?” 

Rin stares at you, perplexed by how sudden the question is. 

“Where’d you hear that from?” 

“Your mom after dinner. You already went upstairs. Said you had a nasty fight with your brother.” 

He doesn’t say anything, posture stiffening at the mention of Sae. 

“It’s not your business.” 

“Hey. No need for the attitude. I’m curious as your number one fan.” You say, trying to back off as much as possible. Like he’s some kind of feral cat you’re trying to calm. “Don’t be mad, okay? You don’t have to talk about it.” 

You try your best to be soothing and Rin softens 

He is angry. Not at you. Not really.  The mention of Sae just does that to him. And if anyone else even thought to bring it up - he’d probably tell them to go fuck themselves with nothing but bitter hatred. 

With you, there’s not any of that. There’s a lingering sense of hesitance - an internal conflict, but not anger. Rin’s never enjoyed opening his heart to anyone. 

Even so, he feels compelled to tell you, so he does.

“My brothers a dick,” Resentment seeps into his words “He came back from overseas and then basically insulted me for a minute straight. We were always meant to play soccer together but he went through something. He changed. We never talked about it,” 

“What? He insulted you for no reason? That’s so weird. Did you always have a bad relationship?” 

Rin sits with himself quietly. 

“I don’t know if we have one now. We were close as kids. At least.” 

“And he just… came back and started being an asshole to you? Seriously?” 

Rin nods. There’s not much else to the story. Rin’s tried hard not to think about the situation itself. He only uses the feelings that stayed behind to make him better. To give him a reason to play - it’s motivation and nothing more. If he starts to view it too much like what it is, betrayal, he’s afraid everything inside of him will collapse. 

“There’s probably more to it than that,” You conclude thoughtfully. Rin thinks the same “But still. You’re his baby brother. Even if he’s going through something…” 

Rin scoffs “You sound like you’re worried about him.” It comes out more petulantly than he expects 

“Not really. Not as much as I’m worried about you,” You counter, giving him a small smile. Rin feels his heart leap into his throat “I just figure, you know, maybe thinking about it like that would help. You were close right? Your mom said he used to dote on you,” 

Rin nods. He feels his chest swell and tighten. 

“Then…I bet it sucked. I bet it was hard. Or at least, it must’ve been lonely to go through that,” You say, frown deepening “Such a sudden change would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. It’s okay if you feel like it’s unfair. His reasons aside.” 

You sigh, suddenly, covering your hands with your face. 

“What?” Rin asks. You shake your head. 

“You poor thing. I wanna hug you to death you know. A good squeeze. I’m trying to refrain.” You say, stomping your feet just slightly. He feels a flush crawl up his neck, turning his head to look away. 

“...It’s not like I’m stopping you.” 

He doesn’t have the courage to look at you. Not as he says it, or after to steal a glance of what face you're making. Instead, he hears the metal of the chain and feels the warmth of your body. It’s a tight hug. You’re standing and he’s sitting, your arms around his neck, his face directly against your chest. He widens his eyes. He wants to yell at you for being a defenseless idiot, but the feeling of being hugged so tightly washes the words away. You’re soft…and warm. He’s never been hugged by someone who isn’t his mom or brother before, and he can’t remember the last time either thing happened to him. You pat his head. 

Do you touch people like this often? So casually? Or is he special because you like him, he wants to ask. He wants to ask but doesn’t want to know the answer, pushing the feeling down as deep as he can make it go. He wraps his arms around you loosely, above your waist trying to be respectful.  

But he leans into the warmth. Like it’s something that happens once in a lifetime. 

“Hey, Rin.”  You say, soft. He can feel the warmth of your breath against his hair. 

“Hn.” 

“I hope you kick your brother's ass in soccer.” 

You sound teary. Weirdly, it makes Rin feel better. 

“Yeah.”

__ 

School starts up again during September. 

The autumn season welcomes warm colors, fallen leaves and the sort of cool weather that puts the summer uniforms back up on the hangers. Rin is listening to music when he spots you waiting for him at the gate, waving your hand at him. He has half a mind to ignore you, you’re so embarrassing. 

But before he can pretend not to see, you’re jogging over to him. He has to stand so you don’t end up bumping into him. You walk like you were born backwards, two left feet with such little awareness of your surroundings it stresses Rin out. 

He gives you a blank stare as you smile, securing your bag to your shoulder. 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” You say warmly. Rin pauses to look at you. You look different somehow. Lately you always do, Rin wonders if you’ve picked up some weird shape-shifting in your time apart “Are you excited for the new semester, hm? Hmm?” 

He keeps walking and you fall in step with him. You try but he’s too fast, so he slows just a little. He clicks his teeth, shaking his head, eyes taking in the view of the building in front him.

“Why would I be excited?” 

You shrug. 

“Because winter break  is close? Because there’s fun leaves outside? Because it’s your birthday in 6 days?”

He stops dead in his tracks. 

“What the hell? Why do you know that?” 

“Your mom told me.” You say, skipping along happily to school like you didn’t just say something insane. His frown deepens. 

“You have my moms number? You talk to my mom?” 

“She loves me,” You say casually, turning only to look at him and stick your tongue out “And she’s nice. Get over it.” 

With this, you rush into the building faster, giggling as you leave. Rin, frustrated, stomps after you. 

__

Your time together at lunch continues into fall. It’s the third day of the term, September 6th and you’re sitting by his side. The two of you eat in casual silence now, falling into a regular routine. There’s something about the whole ordeal that makes Rin feel a little funny. 

Friendship, as it stands, is still a lukewarm idea to him. But sprawled out next to you in a comfortable quiet isn’t the worst thing. The weather is cool enough to be nice and the daylight lasts for just the right amount of time to see sunset when he treks back home from practicing shooting into the net. 

That kind of sentimental viewing of his surroundings is a bad habit he’s picked up from you. He can’t seem to shake it off. He’s tried at least, but Rin has been stopping to look at everything nowadays. The sun, the trees, the cars passing. Everything passes right by his life, slowly. 

Eventually, eventually this whole thing will cease. You’ll never see Rin again and he’ll never see you - and you’ll part your separate ways. Thinking about that feels so stifling. But he figures since that’s the case, there’s probably not any harm in letting the time pass like this. As long as he’s still improving. 

Your voice doesn’t catch him off-guard anymore, no matter how loud it is after a long bout of silence. You stuff something into your mouth, a tomato he thinks. 

“Rin-kun,” You start, tilting your head to one-side “Are you doing anything for your birthday?” 

“No.” He answers immediately because he never does. He hasn’t done much since Sae left home and now that he’s a third year and about to be 18, there’s even less of a desire to pull together a party and celebrate. 

“What? Boo. That’s so lame.” 

“Don’t be so childish.” 

“I’m older than you, you dummy,” You say with such automation that Rin doesn’t even get the chance to process “You’re not even gonna have cake? Nothing?” 

“My mom might but I don’t have any plans.” 

“Your mom is so nice.” 

“Stop.” 

You frown at him but don’t say any more.  You look like you have something on your mind. Probably something stupid, but Rin can’t help but wonder what’s making your brow crease so intensely. 

“What?” He snips. You flick your eyes to him and shake your head. 

“I just think it’s a waste,” You say simply, that tone of fondness seeping into it that Rin can’t get used to. “It’s such a big number, you know? A little cake and some show tunes or something would suffice.” 

Rin scoffs. 

“I don’t care about it. It’s pointless to me. Lukewarm” He says, before noticing your genuine sadness. He sighs a little to himself “Stop looking like a depressed mutt.” 

“I’m not a dog.” 

“I guess dogs are more well-trained.’ 

“Hey. Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?” 

He ignores you. 

“Anyway, stop worrying about it.”

You pout. 

“Easier said than done.”. 

__ 

Rin’s morning routine has been the exact same for two years. 

He starts by opening the window, to let fresh air and sunlight come in through the glass. He feels like his room gets stale overnight and it wakes him up to taste the sun in the back of his mouth. He takes a deep breath of it, clearing out his lungs and blinking his eyes open. 

After that he stretches. He unfurls a Bluelock brand yoga mat onto his carpeted floor and gets to his usual cycle. It’s integral for an athlete to keep their muscles stretched, functioning like a well-oiled machine. He has it down pat. He starts from the bottom up, stretching his legs and working up to his arms and shoulders. His legs always come first since he’s a striker, always focusing on the mobility of his calves and foot before he stretches out his thigh.

His core, then his chest and arms. When he’s done with all that - he practices yoga for fifteen minutes. Again with mobility but this time full body, like making sure each of his limbs work with each other without any stops. He’ll sit back down after those minutes are up to meditate for another fifteen - clear his mind of absolutely anything stuck in it. It’s the most peace he gets on any given day. 

At the end, he sits with his feelings. Carefully, he undoes the wrapped clothed box around his heart and stares at it as it sits in his lap. Beating and raw and melancholy blue  - so full of sadness and anger like it could burst at any minute. Revisiting his sadness and rage is a necessity. Sometimes it feels like only sadness. Only monochrome. 

(He wonders if a day will come where that part of his routine is changed. If ever, he’ll unwrap his own heart only to see it pink or golden yellow or even a softer shade of red. He wonders if the colors ever change, or if time will fade them.) 

All of this happens before he even brushes his teeth. The rest of his morning routine is keeping his room neat. He folds the comforter on his bed, puts any dirty clothes away, and gets dressed. He doesn’t really style his hair - it’s so pin straight after washing he normally just has to brush it to keep it nice. 

After that he has breakfast, and checks through his bag. On days he has school he goes to school and comes back to practice. If he’s home alone - he picks one of many other things to do. He tends to practice closer to evening, taking a shower before he goes to sleep. 

On the morning of Rin’s 18th birthday, he’s only really acutely aware of the date. His morning starts the exact same as it has everyday for nearly two years. Nothing to make him feel particularly different. When he looks in the mirror, he still sees his brother's face and when he looks at his heart it’s still a steely, melancholy blue. 

When he comes down stairs, though - there’s a pair of shoes he doesn’t recognize. And there’s a humming traveling down the hall and always the way up towards him that he knows quite well. 

He thinks, for a minute, he might still be dreaming. Why you would be in his house on a Saturday morning makes absolutely no sense otherwise. 

He slips his feet into his gray slippers and treks into the living room, only to find you in view of the open kitchen. There’s a balloon attached to flowers and a spread of fruits on the table. Orange juice in a cold glass. You with his moms borrowed apron, humming contentedly as you bend over the stove. 

Rin doesn’t know what the feeling is. He doesn’t know if he’s irritated or not. Just that it’s so overwhelming to see you in his kitchen, marching to the beat of your own drum like you always do. 

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” 

You startle when you hear his voice, whipping around to face him. Dramatically putting a hand on your chest - you shoot him an unfriendly glare. 

“Well hello to you too.” 

“Answer my question.” He demands. You click your teeth. 

“Well, obviously I’m making breakfast. We’re celebrating your birthday.” 

“Without telling me.” 

You snap your fingers before giving him finger guns “Precisely. Genius deduction, Itoshi-sama.” 

“What the fuck. Where are my parents.” 

“They’re out on a day-trip! It’s a Saturday. They’ll be back here on Sunday afternoon. Read the note.” 

“What were you gonna do if I had last minute plans?” 

“You don’t though?” You say like knowing that is so obvious. He knows you asked but still “I guess I’d turn around and make my own breakfast. Give you your gift at school or something.” 

“Why are you here?” He asks a little softer this time. With a little more emotion, just a touch. He never expects anyone to make a fuss about his birthday. 

Rin doesn’t really ask for much. Certainly wouldn’t ask for this on his own accord. That’s a vain thing to do, right? 

It occurs to Rin that this is the kind of birthday you do for someone you like. Someone you love. You’re always confessing your feelings to him. You only say it when you’re sure. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t know you had feelings for him, because the point of it all had been for you to try and get rid of them. Or honor them, or deal with them in whatever way you saw fit. Rin had agreed on a whim to help you with that. Your friendship had started with the very notion that you liked Itoshi Rin and he didn’t like you back. It’s not some secret. 

When the light pours in through the windows and hits your back and for the first time - Rin understands what the fuss is about being in love is. He’s sure that this strange, grotesque warmth is the aftermath of being liked. He always thought it’d feel more simple. That he’d remain unmoved in the face of it because he was different.

It’s not like he’s unloved. He’s sure his parents love him. His brother did too. Still does, Rin thinks. 

But it’s the first time someone has made their feelings so clear to him. Someone who isn’t supposed to love or like him. And even Rin, chronically apathetic, can’t bring himself to ignore the weight of knowing that. He stares at you, dumbstruck. 

You’re still turned to him. There’s a cool tumbler of iced-coffee sitting on the counter that you sip, head tilted to one side. 

“Well, I don’t know,” You start, a hand on your hip “It just felt like too much of a waste to do nothing on your birthday. But you’re not the kind of guy who likes big celebrations. So I thought maybe just hanging out would be more your speed.”

Rin swallows. “Seriously?” 

“Seriously.”

“Bold thing to assume.” 

You frown back. 

“Well, I was gonna invite Isagi-kun—“

“Isagi? How do you know Isagi?”

“He saw me leaving your house ‘cause he was gonna visit.  After we talked he followed me on Instagram. Anyway, I was gonna invite him and Bachira and all four of us could go to a movie,” You explain as you sigh and go back to the stove “But he said you’d probably just want to hang out with me.” 

“…And he didn’t say anything else?”

“Well he asked if we were dating so I just told him the truth. Really nice guy, by the way.” 

Rin’s going to hound Isagi next time they practice together. 

“So. Now you’re here… doing what exactly?”

“Making you breakfast. I’ll make you ochazuke for lunch later. Haven’t decided on dinner, I thought I’d ask when you woke up. Your mom said you liked traditional breakfast but I didn’t think I’d be done by the time you woke up so there’s fruit.” 

Sure enough, when Rin walks over to the other side of the table - there’s a half done spread of breakfast on the table. All the dining ware is set up neatly, the table arranged so well he feels guilty for not helping. 

“You didn’t have to do all this for me.” Rin tsks, a frown on his expression as he stands next to you. He watches you pour egg into a square pan, slowly evening out the layers. 

“I wanted to,” You reply, not thinking twice about it. “I enjoy cooking for people. It’s fun. I normally just do it to feed myself, so it’s nice to share.” 

He closes his eyes. 

“Thanks.” 

He’s afraid to look over at you, the excitement radiating off of you. It makes him uncomfortable that something so simple could make you so happy. 

“Can you repeat that?” 

“Don’t start.” 

“Rin-chan,” You coo, immediately making him so embarrassed he wants to hit you “You’re so docile today.” 

“I’m gonna kill you.” He says, hitting your shoulder as light as he can. 

“Woah…how romantic. Dying on the day you were born? Jeez. I’m swooning.” 

He looks at you blankly. 

“Stop being gross. Where did you even get that from?” 

“Too many things to count,” You say with a snap. He shakes his head. 

“Is there anything I can help with?” 

“How diligent. It’s fine! It’s your birthday, right? Sit. Eat some fruit. Pick out what you wanna do. I rented some games and there’s some movies I had in mind too. Make your agenda. “

Rin laughs to himself, lightly. 

“Isn’t that supposed to be your job?” 

“Don’t be stingy! I’m already making breakfast.”

Rin rolls his eyes.

“Yeah. Whatever.” 

__

You end up back in Rin’s room. 

After a healthy discussion about what he would like to do - Rin landed on wanting to do both. He picked out a copy of Resident Evil  to play until after lunch and then decided to binge a bunch of movies after. 

You even agree to accompany him while he practices. There’s 24 hours in a day and the plans are nothing more than vague suggestions - but deep down, it makes Rin kind of…well whatever. It’s not a bad plan. 

Currently, you’re sitting at the foot of Rin’s bed with your hands tight around the controller of his PS4. Rin feels a little bad for you. While you do okay with horror movies, the immersion of horror games seems to frighten you enough that your eyes are glued onto the screen. As such, Rin is trying his best not to startle you as you lean forward every so slightly. The leg of your pants is pushed up just barely. You’re dressed cozy, so it’s funny seeing your head shrink into your hoodie. 

“Why the fuck would you set it hardcore if this BOTH of our first times playing,” You whine, turning yourself into the next room carefully on screen “I’m scared.” 

“You’re such a wuss,” He scoffs, leaning back from where he’s sitting next to you on his bed. “We’re never gonna make any progress like this.” 

You stomp your feet and Rin resists the urge to laugh. 

“Shut up, it’s scary.” 

He nudges your shoulder with his knee. 

“Stop complaining. You got to pick the character and I got to pick the difficulty.” 

“I deserve to lust after Leon after the shit I’m getting put through,”

Rin scoffs at your declaration. The irritation is softened when you walk into the backroom faced with a zombie - a short scream leaving your lips as you mash buttons and use your gun to kill it quickly. You manage to dodge as much damage as you can, obviously trying not to waste limited resources. Even so it takes damn near 7 bullets. Despite your cowardice, you’re pretty good at the game. 

You loot the room for any possible supplies then leave. You turn the corner of the isle, a zombie filled gas station awaiting you. You manage to save bullets and stun the one closest to you before getting your shit completely rocked - quick to duck out. The first cut scene of the game comes next where you meet the other main character Claire. You gasp like you’ve been running, shoving the controller towards Rin. 

“Your turn. Move, I wanna sit on your bed.” 

“Why?” 

“Cause it’s a weekend and I have a right to be lazy. Shoo. On the floor.” 

“You’re getting way too comfortable in my house on my birthday.” 

Rin, does, go sit on the floor where you were. Mostly because it’s a better position to play the game in. At least it has minimal back support. The cut scene plays in the background, nothing difficult as the main characters go to the next area - the police station and the technical start of the game. Rin hasn’t played the remake, but he did longingly watch some playthroughs while he was in Bluelock during its release. 

He had never mentioned it to you, so he was shocked you knew enough about it to bring it over. He likes survival horror and he was always wanting to play it. 

“Me and your mom are best friends so I practically live here anyways. Also shut-up and look.” 

He does shut up, too invested in the story to be annoyed.  The main characters get separated and Leon ends up in the streets. 

For whatever reason, he’s conscious about proximity. Your knee next to his shoulder. You’re close enough to touch him casually and he’s wondering…hoping to know if you’re naive enough to do it without thinking. It feels like a stroke of luck, or maybe a form of mind-reading when you reach for his hair with your fingers. He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose. He thinks he should tell you to stop. 

But when you ask “Is this okay?” 

He can’t find the strength in himself to do it. He focuses on the scene in front of him, weaving through the cars to shake off a horde of zombies. Rin grabs the controls, immediately turning around to try and stun a group of zombies before turning into the gate so he can head to the station.

His heart is racing and his eyes almost feel cross from how much he’s focusing but it’s not exactly the game. The game isn’t even that scary, as much as it’s gory he thinks. 

“I don’t care but,” He says through a breath, trying to sound like he means it and that he’s not so conscious of the way your pinky lingers on his nape “when’d you get so touchy?” 

“I like touching you.” You reply, twirling a strand of hair around your fingers “Your hair is so silky and nice. I felt when I gave you a hug that one time and I kept thinking about it.” 

Rin wants to say “Do you think about me that much?” but the words don’t come out how he wants. 

“Do you touch everyone like this?” 

You’re silent for a minute. It takes patience, effort - not to turn his head to see the look on your face. Though he probably knows it. He thinks he just wants affirmation from you. 

“...No. Not really. I just like you.” 

There’s a beat of silence - a pause designated for his rejection, the promise he made to you so many months ago. He knows what the script is. And he’s said it many times before. Not in a million years, right? 

But he can’t bring himself to say it this time, so he doesn’t.

“Yeah. I know.” 

___

Before Rin knows it, the day is coming to a close. 

The entirety of it you spend together, with you faithfully stuck to him and without Rin feeling entirely suffocated. He isn’t sure why it’s so easy with you. Normally this much socialization would render him exhausted. Irritable at best and angry at worst. But he’s not. In fact even after his entire workout routine, he felt fine listening to you ramble. He didn’t need complete silence, but even when there were lulls and dips - it didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

You didn’t get far in Resident Evil 2. Rin decides to cut it short since it’d definitely take a lot longer than all the time you had and there were movies he wanted to watch. When you whine about not being able to finish - he quietly told  you to just come over next time and play it with him then. 

He waited a year, so he can wait a little longer. Your face lit up idiotically, giddy with delight at the promise of next time. As promised, ochazuke was for lunch and after 30 minutes of digestion - he put it out of his mind as he did his daily drills. You joined him, insisting that you’d be fine doing nothing. Sat on the field with a book the entire time even though it was cold, tossing him his things whenever he took a break - smiling each time he talked to you. 

(“You know you don’t actually need to stay with me the entire day.” He reminds you of this as he brings a bottle of water to lips, sweat dripping down the side of his head even in the cool weather. You turn your head up at him. 

“When else am I gonna get to stick by your side all day? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” 

“You’re so good at being annoying it’s impressive,” He says, dropping his water bottle back down “Aren’t you bored?” 

“Huh? No way. I have my fun book to keep me company and on top of that I get to see you play in the flesh.” 

Oh, yeah. You mentioned watching him when he was in Bluelock. “Well, it’s not like a match. But I’m not gonna keep asking, so whatever.” 

“Yes, yes - I understand. Now go, shoo.”)

Even though Rin practiced for his usually long amount of hours, you sat with him diligently - even stopping to cheer him on when you needed a break from reading or studying or whatever else you were doing. 

Upon returning, he went to shower and you went to warm up in  the kitchen. After he was redressed and clean, he joined you downstairs to order take-out and have dinner. 

Finally, it’s after dinner and you’ve banished Rin to his room while you set something up downstairs. He’s mostly scrolling twitter, watching soccer highlights from the accounts he follows. He’s just about comfortable when you finally call him back down, which irritates him enough to click his teeth but not enough to bring it up to you. 

After a long day, when Rin finally comes back down stairs, walking down into the hall and back into the living room - he can’t help but be surprised at the change in scenery. All the lights have been turned low, and everything looks different. You’ve taken to decorating a wall of his living room after some rearranging. A white sheet hanging up with something, and a plethora of fairy lights in stripes going down it in a nice pattern. 

There’s a banner and it looks hand-made. It spells out happy birthday, rin in neat, thick blue letters on cut-out white shapes, attached along the back wall. On the table in front, there’s some decoration along with nice paper plates and plastic cutlery and a cake in the middle that’s nicer than he’s expecting. 

You beam at him as he walks in. And you’re stupid enough to be wearing a birthday hat, giving him jazz hands as he enters. 

“Happy birthday!” 

On paper, Rin thinks it’s been something of a boring birthday. He did what he normally would do on a day off but you cooked for him twice. He spent most of it with you, even though it was a lot of nothing. A lot of being together like you were roommates or something. Maybe that's why he’s so reluctant to admit that this is making him feel something. 

That the silly theatrics feel meaningful. It is thoughtful, isn’t it? Rin doesn’t think anyone in his entire life has done anything this thoughtful for him. Birthdays are birthdays, and they’ve never really been especially meaningful. He didn’t see the point in just celebrating the day of someone's birth. Certainly, he doesn’t think he’d have it in himself to do something like this for another person. 

Rin stares at you. Wearing a stupid birthday hat and the most gleeful, idiotic smile he’s ever seen. All of this for a guy who’s rejected you, but you seem to cherish so much anyways. Apathetic and ungraceful as he is and always will be - he’s so overwhelmed he doesn’t know what to do. What a strange, unrecognizable feeling welling up inside of him. And not even one feeling, but so many so tangled with each other - he can’t see anything straight. His eyes aren’t drawn to the candlelight, or the moon, or the cake. 

It’s like a sense of tunnel vision. Where all Rin can really look at is you. It’s happened before. How can anyone be like this, he wonders. Are there people born into the world so unselfishly? And if they are, why would he ever cross paths with them? How could someone so easy to love have any business loving him, in the first place? 

Rin won’t ever understand you. He accepts that. He’ll never be able to understand this kind of person. Someone who shines even brighter than the sun. 

But he’s not so stupid to not understand himself. He’s unable to say the words he’d promised to you all the way in April. Rin doesn’t like to lie. 

He would be lying, that is, if you told him just one more time that you liked him.  He’d be lying if it told you it’ll never happen. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like you. And it’s not just because you like him, because that never mattered to him in the first place. 

Some people are made to be adored. Born special and bright like everything should revolve around them. Perhaps that kind of thing is only afforded to people without ego. With heart and character and charisma. 

It doesn’t matter. What a stupid thing to realize on his birthday of all days.

“Rin-kun?” 

He blinks. 

“Where’d you hide all of this?” 

You laugh at him, bubbly and delighted.

“I brought it in a tote and kept it in the kitchen. Mostly stuff from my house, and your mom helped with the cake and stuff. It’s nice right? I did a good job, no?” 

Ah. He’s fucked. 

“It looks okay.” 

You frown, huffing and puffing “Just okay? C’mon, don’t be stingy.” 

“Doesn’t begging for compliments defeat the purpose of them.” 

“Not to me,” 

Your frown deepens and Rin is starting to feel the rose colored glasses set in. 

“It’s nice. It’s good.” 

“So you like it? You’re happy? Delighted, even? Absolutely overjoyed by-” 

“Cut it out or I’m going to send you home.” 

“No,” You whine, tugging on his sleeves like you’re worried he really will “I want cake.” 

“Then let’s cut the cake?”

“We can’t,” You put your arms up in a cross and Rin gives you a look of confusion. “I promised I’d get a good picture of you.” 

“What? Promised who?” 

“Your parents, mostly. But also, you should post on your Instagram a little more, no? You’re basically a famous player already, you should have the courtesy to feed your fans.” 

Before he can do anything to protest, you usher Rin to sit on the other side of the table before you back with his phone. He stares at you but you only look at him expectantly. Still, he unlocks it and hands it to you. He gives you an irritated sigh (though he isn’t really irritated). 

“This is stupid.” 

“It’s a good thing to capture memories, you dummy. Now smile,” You say, holding up the camera after some angling “Or don’t. The people do love a good scowl.” 

That makes him want to smile. He’s awkward in the photos but he does stay still for them, trying his best not to look ridiculous. You take a few, then pause to come up to the table and light the candles in front of him. He hears the camera shutter one more time before you look up at him over the edge. 

“Ready to blow out your candles?” 

“I guess.” 

Before Rin can do anything about it, he listens to you sing happy birthday - poorly with too much enthusiasm. You’re tone deaf and passionate all at the same time - singing each word with a dramatic flair until you’re on the final word. You can’t clap because you’re recording but you do cheer as he burns the candles out. Once it’s over you stop recording, looking down and swiping through the pictures. 

“They turned out good. You should post them.” 

“...You’re done taking them?” 

You tilt your head to one side. 

“Yeah?” 

“We didn’t get any together.” 

Your eyes widen like he said something shocking. 

“...You wanna take them together?” 

He scoffs. 

“We spent the whole day together.” 

You flush, suddenly embarrassed and god. 

“I just wasn’t expecting you to want that. I mean we’re friends but-” 

“Shut up. And come here.” 

So you do, phone still in hand as you mess with your appearance.

“Do you want to take it or do you want me to?” 

“Oh, uh lemme just-” You go through a bunch of filters and find one before handing it to him, a nervous expression “You take it cause your arm is longer and you’re taller.” 

Rin just nods. Takes the phone from you,  and lets you pose a little before he takes the photo. He hands it back to you so you can see, and watches your eyes light up as you stare at it. Stupid. 

“It came out nice.” You say. You save it onto his phone before handing it back to him. “Send it to me later?” 

“Yeah.” 

You give him another grin and Rin takes his phone from you, going through the pictures as he opens up Instagram. He guess it wouldn’t hurt to post. You leave his side, saying something about cutting the cake. But he isn’t looking, really. 

He drafts a post as he waits for you. He likes the picture you took together best and decides to put it second. He never has any idea on how to caption these which is why he doesn’t want to post it in the first place. He glances at you, then sighs internally. 

itoshirin._ posted for the first time in a while.  posted 7 mins ago. liked by isagi_yoichi, bachiraaaaa, and others.  itoshirin._ ; 09.09.2002. thanks for everything, stupid.  isagi_yoichi commented: no way you’re getting a girlfriend before me. life is so unfair and cruel.  isagi_yoichi commented: oh happy birthday btw bachiraaaaa commented: RIN-CHAN !!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ official_itoshisae: happy birthday.  itoshirinsnumberonefan: WHO IS THAT??  yo_hiori: happy birthday! 

“Rin, I cut the cake!” 

He puts his phone on DND before taking a plate of cake from your hand. 

__

The clock strikes two, and you’re still at Rin’s place. 

After a long binge of horror movies, you’re both comfortably in each other's space - only inches away, talking about nothing. The movie ended a little over half an hour ago.

He’s still doing just that, listening to you chatter away next to his ear. The room is completely dark minus the soft glow of the T.V. which gives just enough light for Rin to gaze at your face. Your eyes are wide and sparkly, still, even though it seems like the tiredness is getting to you too. 

Neither of you wants to stop talking. You’ve started discussing manga - particularly Rin's favorite manga. 

“Ciguatera was interesting,” You say, hugging one of his pillows close to your chest.  “I wasn’t sure what to expect.” 

“I’m shocked you read it. Seriously. I thought you would’ve  forgotten the minute after I told you.” 

“Well, yeah. You recommended it, so obviously I wanted to at least try,” You say with a breathless laugh, turning over to face him. You’re facing each other, he realizes a second too late “You’re such a boy, by the way. Weekly young magazine? Really.” 

“Shut up.” He says, with no real bite to his words “What were you expecting?” 

“Dunno. Didn’t think you were interested in romance of all things. Especially cause Ogino’s kind of a loser.” 

“There was other stuff in it.” He points out. You chuckle. 

“Yeah. Way raunchier and darker than I thought. But it was mostly about romance. So, I was surprised to say the last.” 

“What,” Rin starts, partially offended by the implication “Do you think I'm a soulless machine or something?” 

“Well no,” You frown, shaking your head as you stare at him “But you’ve rejected every confession you’ve ever gotten, even from some of the prettiest girls in our entire grade. So I didn’t think you had any interest in that kinda thing.”

He scoffs.”You’re stupid.” 

“You tell me all the time,” You point your fingers and place them under your chin. “Why did you reject them, by the way? Just trying to focus on soccer?” 

He feels flush, explaining. Turning his gaze to the ceiling, he sighs. 

“None of those people actually had feelings for me. It wasn’t meaningful in any way.” 

“And you want it to be meaningful?” 

“There’s no point being in a relationship with someone I don’t like and barely know. And who doesn’t really care to get to know me. I’m busy enough with soccer, and I don’t have time to entertain lukewarm relationships like that.” 

“What an unexpectedly sentimental reason. How soft of you Rin-kun.” 

“Shut up.” 

There’s a pause of thoughtful silence where you hum and lay flat on your back, reaching your hand up towards the ceilings. Rin can’t do much more than look. 

“You know. How I said I’ve been watching you since you were in Bluelock?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Y’know. I always thought you looked really sad back then. I might’ve been reading too much into it but,” You smile, corners of your lips upturned while you giggle “It’s like…weirdly relieving to see you like this.” 

“Like what?” 

“You’re like…just a boy,” You say wispy and delighted “A normal boy who reads shitty raunchy magazines and thinks about love. It’s comforting somehow. Makes me feel special. I really like you. A little more every day, it feels like.” 

Another beat of silence. He thinks you can sense the hesitance of his rejection. There’s such a tangible shift in the atmosphere. If Rin stretches his hand out to touch it, he thinks he’d push through an impossible barrier and keep falling in it forever. He thinks it would swallow him. 

He isn’t sure what it is. If it’s an act of bravery, or a sudden uptick in adrenaline, or if the exhaustion of a long day is finally starting to hit. Maybe it’s just these feelings that keep overwhelming him that make his body move. Something outside of his mind, nestled in his ribs, that has him inching closer to you. 

He flips until he’s hovering over you. Your eyes widen and you stare at him. He stares back, like he almost can’t believe himself. 

“Rin-kun?” 

And he freezes. The confidence dissipates as soon as he finds it but now he’s above you, on top of you. You’re messy and flush from the day. Your mascara is smudged and your lipgloss is gone - leaving a faint sheen on your mouth that matches your skin. Your hoodie is rumpled around the shoulders - one of the sleeves pulled to your elbows. Rin really gets a look at you. Cognizant of the fact he spent all day with you. That’s why you look worn and sleepy and so unbelievably cute. So cute it annoys him. Irritates him half to death. 

You open your mouth again, only to close it. It almost feels like he can hear your heart. Or maybe it’s his. It’s hard to know the difference. 

“Is this a n-new kind of bullying?” You joke, trying to ease the tension. He frowns at you. 

“Does it seem like I’m joking?” 

Your eyes widen and you turn away. Rin wants to make you look. 

“Well no but…” And you squirm a little “what are you doing?”

He doesn’t know, either. 

“I don’t know.” He admits, and you laugh a little breathless and the tension is so thick Rin can’t swallow around it “I want to kiss you.” He blurts out. Awkward and uncharismatic and clumsy. 

A bout of silence.

“...Am I going insane? Did you just say you want to kiss me?”

“I did.” 

More silence. 

“Why? Wouldn’t that make me your first kiss?” 

“It would.” 

“And isn’t that like… reserved for your special someone?” 

“It is.” 

“Rin-kun,” You breathe out, blinking in disbelief  “Do you even know what you’re saying?” 

“I do.”

You’re a little more serious this time. You put your hand on his shoulder. He feels like the Earth is gonna fall from under his feet. 

“Stop messing with me.” 

“I’m not.” 

You frown. 

“Do you really want to kiss me?” 

“Yeah,” He can’t think “I do.” 

You reach up for him. You’re more experienced with this kind of thing and it shows as you cup the nape of his neck. He doesn’t finch. He doesn’t look away from you either, as your thumb brushes under his eyes - the both of you so wrapped up in each other nothing matters. Rin would stay in this forever, if someone gave him the option.

“W-we have to talk about this afterwards, okay?”

“Okay.” 

“I’m serious, Itoshi Rin. Because you can’t just—” 

Your palm cups his cheek and he rubs against it instinctively. He sees your eyes widen and you swallow - a frown still etched into your features. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

Your voice goes as soft as a whisper. 

“You’re so unfair.” 

He almost laughs. 

“Please kiss me.” He asks, so silently it almost goes unheard but he knows you hear it because your lips press into a thin line before you’re pulling Rin down towards you. Your lips are soft. And warm. And they taste faintly like whip-cream and the slight sour of strawberries and your hands are so gentle. Somehow he feels at ease even though he feels like he’s going to implode on himself from nerves. 

Just a little deeper before you pull away and stare at him. Rin looks back, eyes jumping from your lips up to your eyes and back down to your lips. You open your mouth to say something. Mumbling his given name only for him to cut you off with another kiss, a little deeper this time. The way it shuts you up is so cute it almost makes him angry. How it muffles your words, tapers off into a noise of surprise and ends up just back at a kiss. 

He’s never felt like this kind of thing was a viable option. Itoshi Rin is an antisocial, angry, and apathetic soccer protege and he has no time in the world for anything lukewarm. He’s rejected every confession he’s ever received in his life and always thought of relationships as something far off and disconnected to him in his entirety.

Perpetually unloveable but maybe not in such an angsty, vulnerable way. Like a law of the universe. A truth, like thinking of him, means to postulate that he is that way. A prerequisite to understanding him. 

Rin doesn’t like things that are half-ass. Perhaps, part of the reason he likes you so much is because you’ve proved him wrong in such an utterly defeating way. The fact your very existence is by and large, the antithesis of this truth. 

Itoshi Rin is not only loveable, but he is capable of loving. There is evidence of it, right underneath him now - with soft lashes and wet eyes and the brightest smile that could ever exist. 

And it’s haunting for more reasons than one. But he likes how unyielding the revelation is. You’re worried he’ll want to avoid it, and he does. But he doesn’t think he could forever, even if he tried. 

He’s confident if he made the attempt, you’d come barreling towards him once more. With all the confidence in the world. It makes him want to at least try to face it.

Which is why he’s kissing you a second, third, and fourth time. Which is why he’s looking at you in between, wide blue eyes transfixed on every part of your face. He’s trying to face what daunts him most, not like but love and the difference is more important as the days pass. 

You pull away, finally - put a hand on his chest and stare. 

“Rin-kun,” You whisper, uncertain of yourself which he hates. “I like you. I really like you.” And again, a little softer “And I want you to like me too,” Like that had been the biggest secret of all. Something you’d never told anyone, even once. 

Rin can’t imagine it. Have you been holding in something like this all this time? He only realized a couple hours ago and it already feels like he’s going to rip apart at the seams. 

“I do. I do like you.”

“Really? Forreal? Seriously? You’re not pulling my leg? Yanking my chain?” 

He knocks his forehead against yours. 

“Be quiet. How can you be this stupid in the middle of getting confessed to?” 

You pout. Pout at him, all whiny. God. 

“It doesn’t feel real to me.” 

He laughs humorlessly. “It’s all a dream. You’ll forget it all in the morning.” 

“Stop being mean to me.” 

He has to be. If he’s not you’re going to see right through him. 

“No,” He says instead “Stop being so ridiculous first.” 

“An impossible ask to the world's most ridiculous girl.” 

He smiles a little. 

“That’s a good name for you. I’ll change your contact.” 

“Nooo,” You say again, this time pulling him down for a hug. His eyes widened. And he’s unfair? “Be nice to your girlfriend.” 

He doesn’t have anything to say to that. It flusters him too, admittedly. Before he can think of a counter, you yawn big and wide. Rin is still on top of you and neither of you have brushed your teeth. He was planning on putting you up in the guest room, but currently you’re clinging to him half-away. And he has no such plans of telling you to move. 

“I’m so tired.” 

Rin feels like he’s going to pass out, He mumbles. 

“You can sleep.” 

“Want you to sleep too.” 

Rin closes his eyes. He couldn’t refuse even if he wanted to. You’ll have to talk about it in the morning. 

“Okay.” 

__ 

“Rin? Where’s your frie—oh!” 

Rin stirs the minute his mom enters the room. It only takes him a minute to regain consciousness and by the time he’s awake - he’s already regretting not locking his door. 

He continues to pretend to be asleep. He thinks you still are because you’re comfortably slotted in his arms. Rin is so embarrassed he wants to die. He hears his mom gasp, and then quietly shouts for his father to come to his room. 

“What are you—oh.” 

Rin is going to have the worst morning of his life whenever they leave. He remains still. He hears the shutter of a camera and grits his teeth all the way in the back of his jaw. 

“Oh this will make a great wedding photo.” 

His dad laughs a little to himself, ushering his mother out of the room “Don’t get carried away,” 

When the door finally clicks, Rin opens his eyes and lets out a breath of relief. Much to his shock, he also feels you stir. His eyes widen when you turn to him, your face painted in utter mortification before you bury it in your hands. He stares at you as you groan, kicking your feet. 

“Oh god I’m going to cry. How am I going to face her? Oh my god” 

Rin scoffs a little at your dramatics. It calms him down in a strange way “She’s not gonna say anything to you. She’s probably only going to bully me about it.” 

“I’ve forsaken you, mother-in-law” 

Rin nudges your ribs, blush crawling up his face. 

“Shut up.” 

__ 

Up until three weeks ago, Rin didn’t take issue with the way you interacted at school. 

You two have a pretty strict policy about it. Though you’re in the same class and you chat occasionally in the halls - you tend to avoid Rin where you can. Originally, this made sense. For the sake of his comfort and yours, the best choice was sneaking to the roof together to eat where you could remain mostly undisturbed. 

As such, Rin has never been particularly consciousness of your presence in the classroom. For starters, you’re always somewhere. A busybody of the highest pedigree and always running errands - even if Rin were to try to talk to you he can only really find you 20 percent of the time. Secondly, unlike Rin, you have a handful of friends surrounding you. Rin has interacted with them very briefly but you (seemingly for his sake) try not to force him out of his comfort zone too much by making you all sit together. The most Rin has gotten from them is a single knowing smirk or glance. 

And lastly, before three weeks ago, it would’ve been a big problem if people started getting onto either of you about a relationship that didn’t exist. That would've been all around awkward and uncomfortable and maybe would’ve deterred your future endeavors with other guys. 

That was when you and Itoshi Rin were in fact not dating. 

Three weeks into your relationship and nothing much has changed, though nowadays you come over to his house on weekends where you can. You’ve even been on one date after his dad (of all people) hounded him about never taking you on a proper one. 

You text the same as you did before, and you call Rin a little more often. Usually for the purposes of rambling so much you tucker yourself out and fall asleep. 

But at school, Rin only really sees you for the spare minutes of lunch and not much more than that. He’s never really thought about it before. It was never enough of an issue to warrant his intervention. 

It’s not like he cares, okay? 

But he’s more aware of it, now - frustratingly enough. You really don’t see each other often enough in school and you have many more guy friends than he had ever considered before. Every time he catches you and Murata-senpai trekking down the hall he feels his blood pressure rise. 

You and Rin have both decided, though. Despite his posting of you, neither of you have confirmed the relationship. Rin is immune to the prying and you’re good at dodging it altogether. This is the agreement. 

It is therefore very irrational of him to be thinking of speaking up at this current moment in time. 

Despite your mutual decision to keep things as private as possible, Rin has heard nothing but gossip about the situation for weeks. Outside of the usual, direct kind of prying - there’s whispers and stares and all sorts of other things. Rin doesn’t care about it. He’s used to it, it’s part of the gig and the neo-egoist league made him near immune. 

It’s all the things directed at you that make him seethe. Misplaced jealousy and the disappointed remarks of guys in class that make him feel like his blood pressure is rising. The latter is what’s making him most irritated now. How fucking long are these idiots going to talk about this? 

“Dude, you had like three years to confess,” Some idiot, who’s name Rin doesn’t know is still yapping “If she’s actually dating Mr.Popular then it’s on you for fucking yourself over.” 

The other idiot in question groans, and Rin forces his face to remain impassive as he listens. He tries to stop listening. More than once, actually. But they just keep going. 

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it dude. Like there’s no way, right? He rejected every single girl who ever confessed to him. I thought she was safe. And now my highschool love is forever ruined.” 

Like he ever stood a chance. How ridiculous. 

Another one of the goons speaks up “Dunno. Neither of them have said anything right? You miss all of the shots you don’t take.” 

“Are you saying I should just confess to her anyway? She got posted on his Instagram dude.” 

A smirk appears on Extra Three’s face “No confirmation means fair game. Stop being pussy and do it.” 

“You think I stand a chance against that dude?” 

Rin can feel all three pairs' eyes hit him at once. 

“Nah. Not a chance. But you could always wait till she’s all heartbroken and comfort her, right? Hook, line, and sinker.” 

“I hear when girls are heartbroken they’re like way more likely to let you—” 

With that, Rin stands to his feet. He’s seething. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. He should definitely just leave to go cool his head but he’s so fucking angry it’s hard to sit still and he has no other way of dealing with his feelings. So he walks towards the table slowly, eyes darkened and just barely holding it in

He knows this is a bad idea. He can feel the whole classroom look at him as he slams his hand down on the desk. But he doesn’t care. He’ll deal with it later. 

“You’d be fucking lucky if my girlfriend ever looked your way.” 

As soon as Rin says it, there's a thud at the door-way of the classroom. When he looks up you’re there with your eyes widened. Rin just looks back, impassive and immune to the sudden uproar of whispers. 

He only clicks his teeth when you grab him by the sleeve of his uniform - cracking a small smile as he hears the faint words “Just give up dude.” as he leaves. 

__ 

Up on the roof top, you’re shaking Rin by the shoulders - visibly distressed. 

“Hey! What the hell was that?” 

“What.” He offers, not willing to budge on the situation. In the first place he’s a little irritated by all of it. And he’s a little irritated by how much you’ve been enforcing the no-talking rule. Right now, it really feels like he can’t take it anymore. 

You frown deeply, distress only growing as the time passes in uncomfortable silence. Rin doesn’t want to be civil about it. About it and about you and about those idiots. 

“We had an agreement!” You say, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, though it’s weak. He stares down at you. 

“So what?” 

“Rin, we talked about this. Don’t be like this.” 

“Like what.” 

“Pissy and weird. You’re being weird and I don’t like it. It’s making me sad.” 

“How am I being—” 

Before Rin can proceed with his sentence, he catches a glimpse of your face in the midst of his tantrum. Sad like a puppy who got its tail stepped on and about ready to cry, he immediately seals his mouth in fear of making it worse. 

“Why are you doing that?” He spits. 

“Doing what?”

“Being all sad and pathetic. Does it really bother you that much if people know we’re dating?” 

“It’s not like that.” You assure. 

“Then what is it?” Rin prods, frustrated but not wanting to make things worse “Why is it such a big deal?” 

There’s a bout of silence before you sigh. 

“Rin, you’re a huge soccer player. The people you’re dating and stuff - it’s a big deal,” 

Rin cuts you off. 

“That’s what you were worried about? My career?” 

“Well, yeah.” 

“You’re stupid.” 

“Hey! I’m seriously worried about it and then you go and—” 

He gives you a frown. He forgets all too often you’re like this. He’s used to your silly and unserious way of talking, so it slips his mind that you’re actually a massively responsible person. You probably have a point about it, thinking of the consequences of your relationship through hell and back. With a detached sense of rationality - Rin can recognize that you’re probably thinking about more things than this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so touchy of a subject. 

Nothing’s changed on paper, but everything will eventually. It’s something to think about, admittedly. 

Honestly Rin doesn’t care what strangers think. He’s blunt and unfriendly. Always has been, and will continue to be through the majority of his career he’s absolutely sure. Even outside of Bluelock, he has almost no regard for the opinions of other people and what concerns them. Maybe it’s irresponsible, but Rin isn’t playing soccer for the approval of the populace and nothing will ever change that. 

“If I thought that was something I should worry about, we wouldn’t be dating.” 

You look up at him. 

“You should be worried about it.” You emphasize. 

“I’m not. I don’t care what any of those people think.” 

“Then why’d you go and say something?” 

Rin seethes.

“They deserved it.” 

Your hand reaches for his cheek. He pauses and takes a deep breath, staring at you. He leans into your touch instinctively, frustration eased by the sensation. You stare back. 

“Okay. We’ll announce it officially later, then.” 

“Do we even need to do that? If you tell three people, half of our grade’ll find out anyway.” 

“Are you saying my friends  gossip?” 

He doesn’t reply to that. You pout at him and Rin fights the urge to kiss you. There’s a beat of silence as you give him a hug - the two of you on the same roof you always are. Rin doesn’t mind it, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist. 

“You know, it’s gonna get busy for me soon.” You mumble. So this is what else you were worrying about. “And for you. I have my entrance exam and the school is in Tokyo. And you’re gonna go back to Bluelock and—” 

“It’ll be fine.”

“I’m worried about it anyways.” 

“About what?” 

“I’ll see you less. What if you stop liking me randomly and I can’t even hunt you down about it?” 

Rin huffs “You’re insane enough to find me,” He drops his chin on your shoulder “Plus you talk to my mom.” 

“You’re gonna be so busy.” 

“I’ll come see you when I’m not.” 

“And you’re going to be surrounded by the human equivalent of siren women someday soon.” 

“I don’t care about that.” 

“But you might.” 

“I haven’t in eighteen years, you moron.” 

“I’m gonna miss you all the time.” You say, sniffly and Rin is so struck with a feeling of affection he almost falls “I already miss you all the time.” 

He squeezes you a little tighter “It’ll be fine.”

“For you.” 

Rin furrows his brow, pulling back to stare at you. 

“Not for me,” Because Rin can begrudgingly admit he will miss you worse than this “Just in general. It’ll be fine. You almost made it a year without me.” 

“But now I’m with you,” You reply easily, and softly and oh-so in love Rin wants to turn away “And I’m so happy and I want it be like this for a long time,”

“Just a long time? Not something stupid like a blossoming eternity?” 

“I thought I’d scare you.” 

“You did that in April.” He points out flatly. You hit him lightly but smile anyway. 

“It’s a problem how much I like you.” 

Rin likes you just as much. You’re probably too much of an idiot to realize and won’t for a long while. He takes a little comfort in, strangely.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll come see you.” He says again, because it’s the only thing he can think to say. He believes in it thoroughly. If Rin were a better, more candidly vulnerable person he thinks now he’d give the loving boyfriend speech. He almost wants to half-assedly try but can’t bring himself to get past the awkwardness. He hugs you tighter because it’s all he’s capable of, and hopes he can will it into you. The sincerity of his words, he wants so badly for them to reach you “Stop worrying so much.” 

“Rin-kun,” You start, then pause to look up at him. His breath hitches “Rin. I love you. Really.” 

He feels like he’s gonna be sick as he stares at you, eyes widened. You look the same as you always do. Unexpectant, terribly sincere, with your heart on your sleeve. The more Rin knows you, the more he thinks it can’t be easy to be so vulnerable all the time. 

So you do it for him, and only him. And Rin is always going to be intolerable. Frustrating and impatient. But he wants to do it for you too, where he can. Rin wants you to know it’ll be fine because the fact that you’re standing here now is nothing short of a miracle. Nothing comes out right. 

“Yeah.” He says, but he can’t get the rest of words out. And you laugh, and peek up at him through your lashes. 

“And you love me too, don’t you?” 

Rin grits his teeth. He wants to say no. 

“I guess.” 

“And we’re going to be just fine.” You repeat, hugging him tight. Rin hugs you back. He wants to say thank you. He wants to kiss you stupid and make fun of you at the same time. He wants you so much and so often he’s sure he’s lost his fucking mind. 

But he agrees with you, at least. He nods. He holds you. He doesn’t like to lie, so he looks at you instead. 

“Yeah. It’s gonna be fine.” 

__

EPILOGUE ; 

In Rin’s defense, he’s not trying to listen in on the conversions of your underclassmen. 

For starters, the club door is cracked up and Rin only has one airpod fully charged. Secondly, it’s not like they’re being quiet. Rin’s pretty sure anyone with decent enough hearing could hear them from down the hall. Given that it’s the newspaper club, he’s sure that the conversation isn’t usually this interesting. 

It’s just when he catches wind of your name while you’re nowhere to be found, he finds himself eavesdropping just a little. He leans back into the chair he’s sitting in, face tucked into his black mask and hat pulled neatly over his head. 

“Guys, I’ve decided I’m going to confess to Boss  no matter what.” 

He must mean you. Rin often hears how some of the people in the club affectionately add danchou to the end of your name. Rin scoffs a little at the kids' confidence. It reminds him a little of highschool. Rin really think you’re at more of a risk than he is. Being a celebrity makes him naturally unattainable - more of a fixture than a person. 

Everytime someone confesses to you though it’s sincere. From knowing you. And he gets it but it doesn’t keep him from scoffing and turning his nose up. 

“It’d be a good idea to give up while you’re ahead.” Says another unnamed voice. 

“Yeah Nakao-san. Do you even know who Senpai's boyfriend is?” 

“N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Through the powerful of love I’ll—”

Before Rin gets a chance to listen anymore, he hears your voice call out for him. He snaps his head up to look at you. You’re dressed so professionally it’s hard to recognize you like that. Your hair is cut neat and styled professionally and you’re dressed in business casual. He’s relieved he brought shoes for you to change into. 

You run up to him anyway, and Rin stands up to make sure you don’t stumble as you throw your arms around his neck. You’re closer in height with your heels on so he doesn’t have to bend down much at all to kiss you. He pulls down his mask quickly.

“Rin-tan, you’re here.” You say with a soft, breathless giggle “I missed youuu.” 

“Missed you too,” He says, an arm squeezed around your waist “I have shoes for you in the car,”

You gasp, rubbing your cheek against his affectionately. 

“You’re the best in the world. My feet are so sore.” 

“Did the interview go well?” Rin asks. You pull away, moving your hair away from your eyes before nodding. 

“Uh-huh. The women's rugby team captain is super chill and she interviews great so it went smoothly. I just need to drop the transcript off and then we can leave,” You say holding his hand. He squeezes your palms “Do you want to meet them? You don’t have to but a lot of them ask about you.” 

Normally Rin would say no. But he’s feeling a little petty today, after all. 

“Sure.” 

You beam, your hand in his as you nudge the door open. The room goes silent, a bout of excited cheering following at your return. He’s relieved to see you’re still so well loved, a little reluctant to let go of your hand. 

“Senpai, you’re back.” 

“Yup, yup. I have the transcript and recording on this USB. Watch it and draft the article up tonight. When I come in tomorrow, we’ll go through editing and get it out by Monday.” You say, hand on hip before remembering his presence. You grab him and Rin follows “Oh, and guys - this is my boyfriend! Rin Itoshi.” 

Most of them seem to know. Rin can sense the admiration but it’s respectful. He can tell that everyone is professionals in the field. Rin likes that. He bows politely. 

“Nice to meet everyone,” 

“Nice to meet you too, Itoshi-san.” 

“Danchou…you’re dating Rin Itoshi…the famous soccer player Rin Itoshi?” 

You giggle, looping your arm in Rin’s. He laughs internally. It’s the same kid who wanted to confess to you. 

“Uh-huh. We’re highschool sweethearts! And today is our very special date night so don’t contact me for any reason until tomorrow morning at least. I’ll see you guys later.” 

“Bye, senpai.” 

“Have fun on your date.” 

With that, you turn the corner and leave the room - immediately beginning to ramble about your day. Rin half-listens. He only pays complete attention when he hears your kouhais talking from down the hall. 

“Told you to give up, dude.” 

“Rin. Are you paying attention?” 

He chuckles to himself. 

“Yeah. Sorry.” 

❁ a/n ; hello!! me again. first of alll, if you read through this whole fic, thank you so much. second of all i want to discuss a few things about this fic.

im usually pretty keen on localization for my fics where possible because i think it makes for a smoother reader experience - however the usage of honorifics was important to the atmosphere for this one so i'll hope it wasn't too awkward to read.

secondly, im nervous about rins characterization for this one so i hope it was alright. apologies for any errors its 5am and im soo tired.

this fic was mostly meant as an exploration of how i think rin would really benefit from being with someone eccentric and bubbly. the core of their relationship is that reader is an overall emotionally intelligent and honest person and how that has a huge influence on rin so i hope that growth came thru. once again thanks for reading and i hope u enjoyed. rbs and tags always appreciated!

[scaramouchefootrest]

an artist's swan song.

summary: an injured wrist is the last thing you need before art school applications. no one understands your frustrations-- no one but the boy at the physical therapy office.

notes: 6.3k words, fic, author's notes, discussion of acl tears and carpal tunnel syndrome, they/them pronouns for reader but chigiri calls reader miss artist, takes place before blue lock

The doctor tells you that you’re lucky. 

Lucky that you caught the injury so fast, lucky that you were diligent enough to go to the ER as soon as the numbness in your fingers started, lucky that the damage would be minimal, as long as you were careful.

You stare at your black splint the whole time he talks, tight and itchy against your wrist, an alien weight. So this is what luck looks like?

“You’ll need to do these stretches everyday for five minutes at home,” the doctor says, handing you a sheet of paper with exercises for wrist stretches. It trembles in the air in front of you, before your dad swoops in to take it.

“Thank you,” your dad says, clasping a hand on your shoulder. “I’ll make sure they stick to the regime.”

The doctor nods, smiles, and wishes you luck, before ushering the two of you out. His white coat blurs like a streak of paint as the door closes and he takes off his glasses to rub tiredly at his eyes. Your hand twitches for your oil paints to capture the scene, but they’re still lying at home, half-rolled tubs scattered in your room.

“Are you okay?” your dad asks quietly, once you’re out in the hallway. 

You nod, rubbing at your splint.

“Don’t do that,” your dad says. “The doctor told you that you shouldn’t strain your wrist unnecessarily.”

“I’m not straining my wrist,” you murmur, and he rubs your back affectionately. 

“Still, try not to poke at it, okay?” You round the sterile white hall, and your dad brightens. “Look, a vending machine. Why don’t you go buy something to drink?” He pulls out his wallet, shoving a few yen coins in your hand– your good hand– before you can protest. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Your hand hovers in front of the buttons as you amble over to the machine, eyes blurring over the rows of canned drinks and bright colors and happy mascots, before you decide on a single iced black tea. The machine whirs as you slip in your coin, the can slides out– and then it stills, stuck right against the front of the glass. Of course.

You smash your sneaker against the glass pane of the vending machine, your trapped can of iced black tea rattling. One kick. Then another, and the stupid can still won’t drop. You dig the heels of your palms into your eyes. You can’t even get a vending machine to work. Because here you are, in this stupid physical therapy office, when you should be at the art prep academy preparing your portfolio and practicing for your art college exam, but you can’t strain your stupid  wrist to pick up your brush.

Something thunks against the vending machine. You slowly open your eyes, just in time to see a boy raise his crutches and slam them against the glass, and, miraculously, your drink drops into the open space below with a pleasant clink.

“I hate this machine. It always gets stuck,” he says. 

Half-braided red hair, slender nose, soft mouth. If not for the crutches and the black brace running down the length of his right leg, you’d wonder if he was an angel, not another patient.

“I want you to model for me,” you murmur, entranced by the way his silky hair shifts on his shoulders.

“... What?”

You slap your hands over your mouth. “Sorry! I– You’re pretty, so I– I! I’m an artist. Was an artist? Am?” you ramble, cheeks heating as your words trip all over themselves and the furrow between the boy’s eyebrows grows deeper.

Unexpectedly, he laughs, then points at the vending machine. “Don’t forget your drink, Miss Artist.”

You scramble for the can, pulling it out and offering it to the boy. “You should have it.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s yours.”

You turn, slipping another yen coin into the machine, and in a few seconds, you have another can of black tea. “This way we both have one. So it’s okay, right?”

He tilts his head. “I guess it is.” You consider him again; he really is pretty, pretty enough that your hands itch to sketch him, to capture the outline of his profile. You’re floating at the discovery of a once-in-a-lifetime beauty, a muse– but the brace on your hand slams you back down to earth.

“I think that guy is trying to get your attention,” the boy says, pointing behind you. It’s your dad: he’s watching the two of you with curiosity, but waves his hand once your eyes are on him.

“It’s time for us to go,” your dad says. “Ah, but do you need a minute? New friend?”

The boy gathers himself, forcibly crams the can of black tea you gave him into his pocket, where it bulges out, threatening to fall. “I have an appointment in a bit. So I should get going.”

Your feet won’t cooperate with you. “It was nice to meet you, um…”

“Chigiri Hyoma,” he says. 

“Maybe I’ll see you around,” you say, then wince. To see him at the physical therapy wing again would mean his injury hadn’t healed. Were you trying to curse him with a slow recovery?

But Chigiri only smiles, a simple act that makes your heart do funny somersaults in your chest. He really is an angel. “Sure. See you around, Miss Artist. Thanks for the tea.”

“Who is that?” your dad whispers, once the two of you are farther down the hall. 

“An angel,” you mumble, before flushing under your dad’s quizzical gaze. “I meant a friend! A friend. I think.”

“He seems like a nice boy. It’d be nice for the two of you to get along,” your dad says earnestly.

You glance at Chigiri one more time, the edge of his face lit in a soft glow from the sunshine, his back turned towards you. What is he thinking? 

At home that night, his profile still lingers in your mind as you crouch amongst your haphazard piles of sketchbooks and discarded art supplies. It’ll be months before you can use them again, so you might as well take the time to clean, something you’ve neglected in the rush for the upcoming entrance exams for art college. 

Oil paints. Pastels. Sticks of charcoal. You’ve dabbled in a lot of different mediums over the years, saving up all your change just to buy supplies from the art store a few subway rides away from your house. Cheap materials work just as well as expensive ones, and it doesn’t matter what you use as long as you have paper in front of you. Your first memories involve you crouching in the living room, a crayon fisted in your chubby hand as you scribble nonsensical shapes all over the white kitchen wall, something that caused your dad endless suffering when he found you.

Your dad did save up to buy you a nice set of watercolors for the art prep academy you’ve been attending, and though he only smiles and encourages you to keep painting, it’s a strain on your finances. Art isn’t cheap, and your only hope is to get into a public art school by passing the entrance exams. But now… it looks like you can’t even do that, thanks to your wrist.

Carpal tunnel syndrome.

That’s the diagnosis the doctor gave you, an illness more common in people three times your age, brought on by repetitive trauma on your wrist that led to a pinched nerve. 

Unusual for someone as young as you, the doctor had said. But you’re lucky, because of the fact that you’re young and the injury is light, so you’ll heal in a few months with rest. 

But time isn’t a luxury you can afford. You were supposed to pass the exam. Get into an art school. Practice, graduate, become an artist. Your dream, once so solid, has burst like a bubble just as soon as you begin to reach towards its hazy outline. Every second you’re resting is a second wasted, a second that could have been spent practicing and improving. 

“How did you get this injury?” the doctor had asked.

Because of art. Because you couldn’t stop drawing, because then it would feel like you were drowning in the water. Freelance commissions. Constant practice. Art club and art academy lessons. You’d forgotten to breathe these past few months, forgotten to eat or rest.

But all of that came back to bite you, in the end. No more art, the doctor had said. At least until you’re healed. And even after that, you wouldn’t be able to keep up the excruciating pace you once had.

You flop down on your futon. Your classmates must be in the middle of class by now, honing their skills. And what are you doing? 

You’re floating in a small boat in the middle of the ocean, unmoored. No oars, no maps. Just the rocking of the waves, unsure of where you’re going to end up, your dream like a distant land. The shape of it, once rendered real with each stroke of your paintbrush, is undiscoverable now.

—

It’s only a month later that you visit the physical therapy office again for a follow-up appointment. The weather has turned chilly by then, a brisk bite of cold that heralds the coming winter. This time, you go alone, taking the subway until it screeches to a stop at your destination. In the hospital, it’s the same white walls and sterile air, a place unmoored from time.

“Keeping up with your stretches?” the doctor asks.

“Everyday.”

“Good! And how’s the sensation in your fingers?”

“Not as bad anymore. They don’t shake, and the numbness is mostly gone.”

The doctor nods. “Perfect! You’re on the path to recovery. Let’s keep the brace on for several more months. Keep up with the stretches, and don’t forget to lay off of drawing until you’ve recovered.”

Your appointment is over, but you’re not in the mood to go home yet. Instead, you wander down the halls aimlessly, nurses and patients bustling by with a purpose. You don’t even realize you’re looking for Chigiri until you spot him in the hospital cafeteria, crutches leaning against the table and poking at a plastic bear full of lychee jelly.

“Chigiri Hyoma,” you say on instinct, his name rolling smoothly on your tongue.

“Hm…?” He looks up. “Oh. It’s you, Miss Artist. Back again?” He unscrews the bear’s head, and hands you a small capsule of jelly. “Want one? My friends brought me this, but I can’t eat all of it.”

You rip the plastic lid off and squeeze the jelly into your mouth, the sweetness sliding down your throat. “It’s good.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Glad you liked it.” The rest of the jelly, you notice, is untouched.

“Appointment go well?” you say instead.

“Yeah. It’s not like I can make my knee any worse. I’m doing stretches and exercises to strengthen it, but…”

The expression on his face makes you ache, if only because you’ve seen it so many times when you look in the mirror: your body, a sudden traitor, and the world you thought you knew crumbling beneath your feet.

The words are out of your mouth before you can process them. “Do you want to go somewhere else?” 

There’s no hesitation as Chigiri looks you right in the eyes and says: “Yes.”

Shuffling out of the hospital into the cold air, jackets and scarves wrapped tight, you and Chigiri make your way aimlessly down the street. He had dumped his lychee jelly with the receptionist with a pretty smile and a “I can’t finish all of this. I hope you can enjoy it with your colleagues,” and then you were off down a block of glass storefronts in bright colors. Few other people were out on the street, so the two of you might have been the only people left in Japan.

You keep glancing at him now and again, his pensive face, the stillness of his expression like a pond glazed with frost. 

“You said you wanted me to model for you last time. Is that why you can’t stop staring?” Chigiri says, without turning to face you. 

You start. You thought you had been careful, but he’d caught you nonetheless. “Um! A little! You’re very… pretty.” 

“I get that a lot. My teammates used to call me princess,” he says, snorting. “That, and Red Panther. Local newspaper made it catch on, and everyone gave me crap about how cheesy it was.”

“Teammates?” 

“Football teammates. I was the fastest on my team. Not that I can play with my knee like this.” His crutch taps a sharp staccato beat on the ground. “ACL tear.” 

You rub at your own splint. “It’s carpal tunnel syndrome for me. I would have wanted you to model for me if it was still… if I could… ah, well, I can’t draw for the next few months.” 

Chigiri nods. “A football player who can’t run, and an artist who can’t draw. That’s kinda funny, isn’t it?” There’s a note of bitterness in his voice. 

“It won’t be the same once we’re healed,” you say matter of factly, words blowing small clouds into the sky. “Everyone tells me it’s not the end, that I can do something else, but… I don’t know. I won’t be able to draw like I used to. I can heal, but… I’ll still remember what this felt like.”

His face twists into a small smile. “Yeah. You’re the only one who hasn’t tried to comfort me, or told me it’ll be okay. Because it won’t be. It won’t be the damn same.” 

Because your body will remember. Even having this injury once opens the door for your wrist to tear again. And next time, it could be even worse. Unrecoverable, even, to the point where any hope of an art career will be shattered beyond repair. That must have been what it felt like for Chigiri, too, and football. 

“Every second spent healing feels like I’m losing time,” you murmur. 

He nods. “What were you going to do before the injury?” 

You cup your hands around your mouth, blowing on them to keep warm. “Art college.”

“I was going to go to nationals,” he says. “You’re a third year?”

“Yeah. You, too?” 

“Nah, second year. This was my chance to win.” Chigiri looks up at the sky, gray clouds reflecting in his eyes. “I was a genius. Everyone told me I was going to do something special. That I could go pro, and lead Japan to the World Cup.”

“But is genius even real?” you say. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well… any skill can be honed with enough hard work,” you say simply. “That’s what I believe, anyways. Calling someone a ‘genius’ or ‘talented’ ignores all of the work someone put in to reach that point. People tell me I’m talented, but… I just really love art. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“I never thought of it like that.” Chigiri spares a glance at you. “You’re stronger than I am.” 

“I don’t know if I’m any stronger than you. I still got hurt. Geniuses, hard workers… we’re all the same in the end,” you reply. He doesn’t respond to that. 

The stretch of storefronts gives way to a grassy clearing, a small park consisting of a dirt path and a stretch of trees. “You want to stop by?” you say, pointing. 

“Looks like it could be a football field,” Chigiri murmurs. There it is again. That sad, distant look in his eyes, like he doesn't know where he’s going. Lost, adrift. 

“Teach me how to play,” you say impulsively.

“Football?” 

“Tell me how to score a goal,” you say. “I want to know.”

Chigiri’s laugh is a short, sweet melody. “All right. Let’s go pick up a football ball, and I’ll teach you how to score. Looking for a career change already, Miss Artist?”

“I just thought… I wanted to learn more about it, that’s all,” you say softly. You want to learn more about him, but you bite the thought back.

“Then… teach me how to draw,” he says. “How about that?”

“Deal!” 

After a quick stop to a nearby sports store, you’re on the grassy field, a football poised beneath your foot, while Chigiri calls instructions from a nearby bench. He can’t venture into the field, not with his crutches, but you’re close enough for him to watch.

“Use the top of your foot to kick! Not your toe!” he says, cupping one hand around his mouth.

“Like this?” You try to adjust your posture, but Chigiri shakes his head. You shift your foot under the ball again, but it wobbles away from you. You dash after it, trying to stop the movement with your foot, only to kick the ball farther away instead.

You turn to Chigiri with wide eyes, but he’s smiling at you, his eyes crinkling at the corner. “I don’t know if the football life is for you, Miss Artist,” he says.

“I’ve never played before,” you say defensively, retrieving the runaway ball. Once you’re back in position in front of Chigiri, you adjust your posture again.

“Don’t look afraid of it,” he calls. “You’re supposed to control the ball. It listens to you, not the other way around.”

You sigh, then give the ball a tentative kick, watching it sail across the air, curving to the left. “I don’t know how you shoot it straight,” you murmur.

“It depends on the angle of your kick,” Chigiri explains.

Once the ball is safely tucked under your arm, you make your way back to him, flopping down on the bench. The cold seeps through your clothes, and you shiver. Without a word, Chigiri scooches closer to you, until your shoulders are touching. 

“Football  is hard,” you groan. “The fact you were able to do it… I’m impressed, Chigiri.”

“They did call me a genius, you know? But… I did practice hard,” he acknowledges. “Sometimes, I wake up in the morning, thinking I need to hurry to practice because I’m late, before I remember… my knee. And it’s winter, so there’s no practice going on, anyways. But…”

“It’s important to you.”

“Yeah.” He nudges you with his elbow. “Hey, your turn. Teach me how to draw, Miss Artist.”

You pull out a mini notebook and a pen from your pocket. You always carry some form of paper and writing utensil with you, just in case, and it’s hard to shake off the habit, even with your hand the way it is.

You set the supplies on Chigiri’s lap, and he twirls the pen in his hand as he picks it up. “So,” you begin, “Um… Usually, you have to observe what you want to draw. With sketches, I usually try to measure the dimensions of the object with my pencil, but… you can just try to freeform it! Notice shapes. Everything is made up of shapes. You could try… drawing that streetlight–” you point– “or that tree. You should try watching how light falls on it, too. From what angle? Where do the shadows land?”

“Observation… Shapes… Light…” Chigiri mutters seriously, and, for some reason, he quickly looks at you before looking away. 

He begins to draw, his pen whirring furiously across the page. Content, you stare into the gray sky, before turning to observe his progress. The drawing… well… you can’t make anything out, except for a few lines extending outwards of what appears to be… a circle?

“Chigiri…”

“Yeah?”

“Um… you should try turning the paper as you draw,” you offer. “Don’t just use the pen.”

He flicks his wrist and the notebook slides sideways, but his pen slips and the line curves away. He throws it down in exhaustion. “How do you do this all the time? This is hard.”

“Don’t say that! I think it looks good!” you offer. “It’s a nice… um… tree!”

“It’s not a tree.”

“... Horse?” You say, squinting at the page again.

Chigiri flips the notebook closed. “You don’t deserve to see my art. I’m not telling you what it is.”

“No, it’s okay! You tried your best. What did you draw?”

“I’m not sharing.”

“I played football for you,” you say plaintively.

“...Ugh. Don’t laugh,” he warns.

“I won’t,” you promise, and Chigiri sighs, flipping open to the page he had been doodling on. 

“It’s you,” he says, with a long-suffering sigh, the tips of his ears reddening.

“It’s me? It’s cute! It’s really cute!” you say earnestly, taking the notebook from him. On closer inspection, you can make out what’s supposed to be a… neck? And your eyes. And this must be… your nose and mouth.

“You thought it was a horse,” he grumbles, but he brightens at your praise, regardless of his moody tone.

“It’s a very cute horse. I make a very cute horse? Ah, I didn’t mean to offend you— I really do think it’s—”

Chigiri bursts out laughing. “It’s fine. It can’t be helped if it looks like a horse.”

“Well.. now that I’m looking at it like this… it doesn’t look like a horse. Not at all.”

“You don’t have to make me feel better,” Chigiri says.

“I’m not! I really do like it!”

Something wet touches your cheek, and you look up. It’s snowing, soft flakes dancing through the sky.

Chigiri holds out a hand, catching snowflakes on his palm. “We should head back, just in case it gets worse.”

“Ah, okay.” You stand, and he grabs his crutches.

“Thanks, Miss Artist,” he says. “This was fun.”

“Let’s meet up again soon,” you say. “If you want.”

“I’d be mad at you if you just abandoned me now,” Chigiri teases. “Give me your phone number.”

After exchanging numbers with numb fingers, the warm glow of your time with Chigiri doesn’t fade, even on the ride home. It balloons in your chest, until you’re filled with light. In your room, you carefully rip out Chigiri’s sketch from your notebook and pin it over your desk wall. It’s not skilled at all, but it really is cute.

How long has it been since you enjoyed yourself like that? No, how long has it been since you enjoyed art?

You press two fingers against the mouth of the drawing, remembering Chigiri’s face scrunched up in concentration that afternoon, trying to capture your likeness. 

—

A few weeks later, as you’re slipping on your boots, your dad stops you at the doorway. He tries to smile at you, buttoning his suit jacket for his office job, but it comes off as more of a grimace. You’ve been spending all your time with Chigiri lately, and you wonder if your dad is going to press you about him. 

Instead, he asks, “Have you thought about what you’re going to do next year?”

“For what?” You tie the laces, pat down your coat, but something in your dad’s expression makes you pause with one hand on the door knob.

“For college,” he says. “Do you have any back-ups lined up? I know you’re still recovering, and you really wanted to go to art school, but I don’t want you to neglect all your options! Your grades are still good enough to land you somewhere in Tokyo.”

You bite your lip so hard you almost taste blood. “I was going to take a gap year.”

“Gap year…? That’s okay, as long as you’ve talked to your counselor, but…” His voice trails off in concern.

But art isn’t a viable career option. Don’t pin your hopes on one dream. You need to grow up, to be reasonable, to learn when to quit. Art can be a hobby. That’s what all the adults in your life have always told you, saying it was for your own good, but until now, your own dad hadn’t been one of them. 

You scuff at the ground. “I am thinking seriously about my future, you know.” 

Your dad sighs, a quiet, gentle sound. “I know. I know you love art, but I want you to have more than one option in your life. I want what’s best for you, because I can’t always be here to take care of you. Having a dream is nice, but you’re almost an adult. Do you understand?” 

“I get it. But I’m going out with a friend today,” you say abruptly. “I’ll be home in the afternoon.”

You run out before your dad can respond, but your hands are shaking as you swipe your card and descend the subway steps, the warm underground hair heating up your face as the train rumbles by. Why is it that all the adults in your life only know how to tell you the same thing? Why is giving up on your dreams the only way to grow up? Because, deep down, you know they’re not wrong. The art world is unforgiving. There’s no guarantee of a good future or even a job. But… you thought your dad, at least, would understand you. 

“Did you get any sleep last night?” It’s the first thing Chigiri asks you when you find him leaning against a bench, crutches by his side, waiting for you by the subway exit.

“Yeah, I did. I’m just a little cold,” you lie. Chigiri doesn’t push the issue any farther, but his eyes feel like they’re burning into you the longer you try to keep your expression neutral. 

“Do you want to sit inside somewhere?” he asks finally. “If you’re cold, we don’t have to go too far.”

A swarm of people floods past the two of you, and you press closer to Chigiri, afraid of being pushed away in the rush. You can feel the ache of winter deep in your bones, seeping through the thread of your gloves and coat. The sky is a faded blue, the sun’s light watery.

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t mind going anywhere,” you tell him, and Chigiri tucks his face into the fold of his scarf, but not before you catch the bright rose of his cheeks. 

“Let’s just walk around, then,” he says. 

Most people don’t brave the winter cold unless they have a destination in mind, but you and Chigiri wander aimlessly. Just the two of you, chatting about this and that, pointing out funny displays in stores or commenting on the foods you’d like to try when you pass by restaurants with their menus pasted on the glass.

It’s comfortable with him. Warm. If you had to name the feeling in your chest, you could only compare it to the spring sun. You could go anywhere, do anything, under the light of his smile. There’s a genuine understanding with Chigiri, like a language without words.

When you lean closer to Chigiri, he doesn’t move away. He raises a hand from the top of his crutch, hovering in the space between the two of you, and when you catch his eyes, he pauses, before dropping his hand and tightening his grip on his crutches.

“Are you okay, Chigiri?”

“I’m fine,” he says moodily, but there’s no heat behind his words. “I just can’t wait until I get this brace off,” he adds, so quietly you almost don’t catch it.

You pass a trio of students flying down the street, canvas tucked under their arms and bookbags slung across their chests. One of them pauses when she sees you, stumbling to a halt, her mouth parted. 

“No way! It’s— whoa, I haven’t seen you in weeks!” she says, and recognition jolts through you. It’s Mika from your art prep academy, and the fact she’s here— ah. Of course. Just because you stopped drawing, didn’t mean everyone else would have, too. 

“Hi, Mika,” you say weakly. 

“I thought you dropped out!” she says, and her friends crowd curiously around you and Chigiri.

“Things came up.” 

“Skipping class to go hang out with your boyfriend? I get it, he’s a cutie,” she says teasingly, winking at Chigiri. “And here I thought art was the most important thing to you.”

“I didn’t— he’s not—” you begin, your thoughts tangling themselves into knots. You hadn’t explained anything to your classmates, or your teacher. You had quit when your hand started going numb and you couldn’t keep up with the pace, despite your teacher begging you to stay on. What could you say now? 

Chigiri takes a step in front of you. “They didn’t drop out for something like that,” he says politely, but there’s an edge to his voice. He also didn’t refute their assumption that he was your boyfriend, you realize. “Don’t assume things about them.” 

“Ah, of course! I didn’t mean to…” Mika’s voice trails off, embarrassed. Her eyes glaze over Chigiri’s crutches and leg brace, and you discreetly shift your sleeve further over your wrist splint. “Sorry. Are you going to go to classes again?” 

“I don’t know yet,” you say haltingly. “I might… take a gap year.”

“Eh? But you were the best artist in our class! That doesn’t…” Mika shakes her head. “Sorry. There I go again, assuming things. Good luck with your gap year, okay?” 

You wave her off, and she and her friends run down the street again, scarves flying behind them. Still, the wind carries their voices to you. 

“That’s good for you, right, Mika? Less competition for college! I can’t believe that someone who quit so easily was the best person in your class,” one of her friends murmur. 

“Cut it out, Aki! Don’t put it like that. But… I guess even talented people can only go so far,” Mika replies softly, their banter fading as they get farther away, specks of blurred paint in the distance. 

You can’t be mad. You really can’t. You didn’t give anyone a reason for why you dropped out, and didn't want to explain the truth: that your body broke down. That you can’t keep up. Your classmates, with shining eyes, chase after the dreams that were once yours. Their judgment would have been embarrassing enough. Their pity— and calculated relief— would have been worse. 

Chigiri grabs your shoulders, his face more serious than you’ve ever seen him.

“Are you okay?” Chigiri says urgently, and it’s only then you realize you’re crying.

“I want to draw,” you whisper, tears choking your voice.

Chigiri wipes away each beading tear with his thumb. He pauses at the weak sound of your voice, rubbing tenderly at the wet trails on your face, as he could wipe away your sadness, too. “Yeah. Yeah, I understand.”

“I want to draw, Chigiri. I don’t know… what I’m supposed to do now.”

“Do you like art?” he says.

“I do. But…” The shape of your dream is so fragile. You’ve only realized this now, how many people strive for the same thing you want. How easily you could be buried under the crush of artists, lost before you have a chance to make a name for yourself. One mistake. One stroke of bad luck. And it can all crumble apart in your hands. “But I’m so scared.”

“It’s your dream,” he says quietly. “It’s okay. Don’t–” his voice breaks. “Don’t give up now. Don’t give up. You can heal. Who gives a damn if you don’t get into art college this year? You have the next, and every year after that. It’s important to you, right? So don’t give up,” he says furiously, but you can’t tell if he’s talking to you or himself. “It doesn’t matter what anyone says. It only matters what you want.”

And what do you want? Fame? Recognition? Talent? No. No, none of those really matter in the end. What really matters to you…

“I… I want to draw,” you sob. “I want to be an artist. I want to make my dream come true. I don’t… I don’t want to forget what it’s like to love art.”

“Then don’t.” Chigiri crushes you to his chest, and you sob quietly into his coat as he clings to you. Are you holding him, or is he holding you? You can’t tell. You wrap your arms around him, and the two of you hold each other like it’s the end of the world. And maybe it is, an end to the world the two of you thought you knew, to the people you once were.

“You really are like an angel, Chigiri,” you say, voice muffled as you speak into his chest.

His laugh vibrates pleasantly through his chest and into your heart. “I’m not. I’m not that nice. I just don’t want you to be sad. You remind me of… myself, sometimes.” 

You fist your hands in the fabric of his coat. “So what? You’re still nice to me.” 

“Maybe I’m only nice to you,” he says. 

“That’s okay.” 

On that quiet afternoon, Chigiri holds you until your tears dry and you can face him again. You can’t be a good adult. You’ll cling to your dreams like a stubborn child and never let go, even if you have to rebuild yourself from the ground up, again and again. When you tell Chigiri this, he smiles at you, and it feels a bit like salvation.

—

A few weeks later, your wrist brace comes off, though you’re diligent to keep up with your stretches, anyways. Chigiri celebrates with you, taking your wrist in his hand like he’s holding a bird’s wing, the pads of his thumb brushing along your pounding pulse. 

“Let me be the first person you draw now that you’ve recovered,” he teases. “Don’t I make for a good muse?” You can’t look him in the eyes, because your expression will betray you.

The weather warms before Chigiri can walk again without crutches and a leg brace. When he can, he shows up at the entrance of your school after class one day. Your classmates giggling and murmuring as they pass by him. He waves when he sees you, ignoring all the eyes on him. Maybe he’s used to it. You aren’t surprised, considering how pretty he is.

“Hyoma,” you greet him, clutching the straps of your bag. You’ve started to use your first names with each other, a simple intimacy that makes you tingle all over. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you,” he says. “I got invited to a special football training project.” 

“That’s amazing!” You clap your hands together. “Are you going to go?”

“I don’t know yet,” he says haltingly, unconsciously tapping his hand on his right leg. “But when I got the letter, I just… wanted you to be the first to know.” 

“If that’s the case, then…” You fumble in your bag and out a square of paper, offering it to Chigiri.  “This is for you.”

Chigiri unfolds it slowly, revealing a pencil sketch of him, mid run, his form blurring as his legs stretch across the ground. You’d sketched it the day after he’d taken off his crutch, and he had invited you out. The two of you had spent all day together at a nearby park, and when you asked him to show you the football forms you hadn’t been able to grasp the past winter, he obliged.  

But Chigiri stares at the paper for so long, you wonder if you had hurt him somehow. 

“I’m sorry if it’s presumptuous of me to give you that,” you say shyly. “I just… wanted to give you something for good luck. Because I know you can do it, Hyoma. You can keep playing football. I think you look beautiful, sprinting across the field.”

“Then I want to give you a good luck charm, too,” he says slowly, tearing his eyes from the page, a strange note to his voice. “Is that okay?” 

You nod. Chigiri cups his hands around your cheeks and kisses you on the forehead. His lips are softer than you expected, and it takes your breath away.

You pull away, flustered, and only now do you see how intense Chigiri looks, the way his eyes are concentrated solely on you. “Hyoma–!”

“If you say my name like that, I’ll kiss you again,” he says bluntly. 

“Hyoma, that’s not–!” This time, he kisses you on the cheek. 

“Sorry,” he says, not sounding particularly sorry at all. “I wanted to do that.”

“That’s… not fair,” you mumble.

“But I thought you knew I wasn’t fair,” he says. “You’ve spent this much time with me, after all. You should have realized by now that when I like something, I don’t hold back.”

“I never said… I didn’t like it,” you protest, and he grins. 

“Then I can do it again?” he asks.

“Not in front of my school!” you squeak. 

“Okay, then I’m going to kiss you as much as I want when we’re somewhere else,” he says, unrepentantly. 

“Fine!” you say, and, in a surge of courage, lace your fingers with his. Chigiri jolts in surprise, and you smile at catching him unaware. “What was that good luck charm for, anyways?”

“For your dreams,” he says simply. “Because you’re not going to give up, are you, Miss Artist?”

You’re still afraid. Of your body giving away again. Of not being able to make it. Of being nothing without art. But you’re even more afraid of giving up, of becoming an adult who doesn’t believe in their dreams, of losing your passion forever. Carefully, this time. You’ll do daily stretches so you don’t strain your body. You’ll go back to the art academy. You’ll keep trying, and you’ll keep drawing, because that’s what you do as an artist.

“I won’t. So don’t give up either, Hyoma,” you say quietly. He squeezes your hand in response.

“You’re braver than me,” Chigiri says ruthfully.

“I’m only brave because you believe in me. So, let me believe in you,” you reply. This time, you’re the first to lean in to kiss Chigiri, to give him his own good luck. Because no matter what happens, the two of you will keep running. 

[scaramouchefootrest]

Café Desire - Sanzu H.

Summary:  Sanzu finds himself a new toy to play with, an innocent and inexperienced cafe worker who had no idea who they’re getting involved with

Pairing: Sanzu Haruchiyo x Reader

Reader Type: AFAB - Gender Neutral

Rating: E+

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: extreme dubious consent, degradation, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, sex toy usage, anal play, semi-public masturbation, semi-public sex, exhibitionism, referenced drug use/addiction, referenced master/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby dynamic, mind break, manipulation, some v minor aftercare (insufficient imo), unsafe sex, creampies, multiple orgasms, overstimulation....hopefully that's it

Notes: I meant to have this out yesterday as a treat but low and behold I was behind schedule lol. Happy belated Valentine's Day! What better way to celebrate than some Sanzu smut? ;)

You had just been promoted to manager, your supervisor entrusting you with keys to the small café so that you could start closing up after your shifts by yourself. It wasn’t located in a busy area, so most of the time during the week you worked by yourself. On the weekends or holidays, you’d usually have a coworker to help during the busier hours, but ultimately you’d always end up cleaning and locking up alone.

You didn’t mind it. It was an easy job in a relatively quiet neighborhood. It was within walking distance from your apartment, meaning you didn’t have to worry about using public transport or getting your own vehicle. The pay wasn’t incredibly high but the most expensive thing was the rent which was covered. You had enough for groceries and a few luxury items. All in all, life was good.

But good was boring.

It was the same thing day in and day out: wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Routine was nice at first, it was less stressful to know what to expect, but as time went on it just became monotonous. You became robotic. Since graduating and moving on into adulthood, your friends from school had drifted apart. It was a natural, gradual thing that unfortunately happened to a lot of people. Making new friends was difficult. Your free time was spent in your apartment catching up on tv or reading the latest volume of your favorite manga. Life wasn’t exciting. Life was simply just typical.

The day you met Sanzu Haruchiyo would always be burned into your memory. There was no way you’d ever be able to forget it. He stumbled into the café, sweet tooth nagging him as he was in the middle of another bender. What pills had he taken this time? What had he snorted in the bathroom off the porcelain sink? He had no idea. You didn’t even notice that he was high, having never had any experience with that sort of thing.

When Sanzu laid his eyes on you, he saw prey. You didn’t know it yet, but one of the city’s top criminals had just wandered into your workplace, looking for a bite to eat and maybe a bite of something else too. He could practically smell the innocence on you, the naivety. He watched like a cat as you made his order with a bounce in your step.

In reality, you had already been captivated from the moment you saw him. His rosy pink hair and thick eyelashes were definitely a thing of envy and not something you saw every day. The parallel scars on his mouth were more intriguing than frightening. His smile had been infectious, your mood lifting instantly as you watched him write something down on the small paper receipt you handed him.

With a wink he picked up the parfait that you had made for him and walked out, leaving the paper behind. You called out to the head of soft pink locks, only for him to ignore you and continue on his way. Your eyes cast down, seeing a cell number written down on the receipt. You felt your face heat up with the realization that he had left it on purpose so you’d have his phone number, something that had never actually happened to you before.

You had had a few boyfriends over the years, even had sex a couple of times, but it was nothing special. It hadn’t even been all that enjoyable for you. The thought of someone so handsome and mysterious wanting to maybe ask you out had your heart thumping loudly in your ears.

However, he was a total stranger. Who knows what kind of person he was. Ultimately you decided not to contact him. Something told you to let it go this time. You’d probably never see him again anyway.

It took him coming in three more times on his off days to convince you to give him a chance. He was persistent if nothing else, and you had never really had someone show this much interest in you. It was almost nice to be chased after for once and to not have to initiate a relationship. Sure he didn’t really know much about you, but that was what dates were for, right?

Perhaps you were too innocent, trustful, and simply unaware of the true dangers of men. Your inexperience in relationships and sex meant you weren’t much better than a virgin. Sex was still a new and somewhat scary thing. Of course, that didn’t mean you couldn’t learn.

The first few dates had been simple. Nothing too extravagant. They were fun and completely had your guard down around the man you now knew as Sanzu Haruchiyo. You were closing up the store again today and he had come in with a lazy grin and eyes that almost looked glazed over. He watched with a predatory gaze as you went to the front door and unlocked it so you could clean up shop before going home.

“Can I get a grand tour now, beautiful?” He asked, his voice sultry with an edge of something you couldn’t quite place.

“Of course, Haru.” You replied with a smile, first showing him behind the counter where you took orders and made the food. You didn’t notice his demeanor shift as you took him into the back storeroom.

Sanzu stood so close behind you that you could feel his body heat. After pulling the string for the overhead light, you felt his rough hands grasp your hips, his chapped lips kissing a fiery drug-fueled trail from the underside of your jaw and down your throat to your shoulder. The last date you had been on, you had kissed multiple times but it was never like this. He was tired of waiting on his new little pet to submit and was instead cornering you in the dim-lit room with a feral grin as you strained to look at his face. A look that had you tensing between your legs, exciting bubbling in the pit of your stomach.

“Haru-” Your voice came out in a small moan as he bit your neck, sucking a bruise onto it. His hard cock pressed against your ass, nestling into the valley between your cheeks as he rutted his hips impatiently. The dry humping had something foreign stirring within you, suddenly the unfamiliar need to be stuffed to the brim with him grew.

“You moanin’ for me already?” He asked, his voice condescending if not with a hint of laughter, “here I thought you weren’t a little whore.”

His words shot something through you. Something exhilarating that had your heart leaping out of your chest. Arousal was building faster than you could ever imagine possible as his hands roved over your form lazily. One hand moved up your shirt to grope at your breast through your bra while the other managed to snake into the front of your shorts.

Sanzu’s thin fingers glided over your panties, running along your slit to feel just how damp your underwear had become at his small amount of teasing. He tentatively pinched your nipple and felt your inner thigh twitch as a needy whine hitched in your throat.

“I thought you were a virgin, but I guess not.” He hissed, sounding almost disappointed and angry. You wanted to protest, tell him that you could be anything he wanted you to be. Because while this was sudden and unprompted and new, it was something you had thought about at night often while fucking yourself with your small purple vibrator.

“I-I’ve only done it twice,” You admitted awkwardly and you could practically feel the twisted grin creep across his beautiful scarred face.

“Twice? Did they make you cum?” He asked, suddenly tugging your underwear upward so it bunched against your clit. The fabric pressing against the sensitive bud had your hips bucking against it, desperate for any kind of friction even if the sensation was somewhat painful.

You shook your head, unable to say it out loud. Would he be mad that you hadn’t enjoyed it those other few times? Or would it be a good thing? You were simply too out of your element to know.

He chuckled darkly as he released your underwear, though it remained uncomfortable wedged between your labia. “I like a challenge, sweetheart.” He said in a husky tone, nipping at the upper cartilage of your ear. His hands went back to your hips as he roughly tugged down your pants and underwear so he could get a perfect view of your tight ass.

Cold air tickled the wet skin between your legs, making you shiver under the harsh fluorescent lighting. Sanzu’s rough hands ran over your ass before giving it a firm smack that echoed in the small room. You let out a helpless yelp, having not expected it and again he laughed as if you were the most amusing little thing he’d seen in his entire life.

Two fingers probed their way through your lips and into your needy hole, a gasp escaped you at just how long they felt inside. You had never really paid much attention to his hands before and suddenly they felt so large as he pressed against your plush walls. You pressed back into his hand, moving your hips in order to force yourself down further onto his digits.

Sanzu was grinning madly at your actions, though he had been a little upset that this wasn’t your first time, you were still performing admirably. “Take off your shirt and bra.” He ordered and watched with glee as you finished stripping for him all the while still moving your hips in a slow and purposeful rhythm.

His free hand went trailing up your spine before roughly pushing you forward so you were bent at the hips, legs spread for him in a position that had him freeing himself from his pants for some relief from the restricting fabric. You grasped onto the shelving unit in front of you to help keep you steady and you continued to fuck yourself with his fingers, in too deep to stop now.

“Now isn’t that a pretty sight?” He cooed, suddenly moving his fingers as he added a third one. The stretch was welcomed, desired, and had your voice growing even louder for him. “What a good little bitch you are,” He praised, enjoying the way you tightened around him when he said it.

His other hand moved around you to pinch your clit roughly and you suddenly came undone with a cry of pain, gushing more fluids around him. Sanzu worked you through your high, the squelching noises ringing in your ears as he pulled the three now-soaked fingers out.

Before you could properly recover, he grabbed a fistful of your hair and yanked it back before shoving the digits into your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself as you gagged. Your whimpers were muffled until he pulled them out, thighs trembling from the orgasm still. You had never done any sort of lewd act in a place where you could easily be found out if someone just happened to check the cameras that were in the main part of the café.

Sanzu pumped himself lazily with his right hand that was now sticky with your saliva to make sure he was nice and hard for when he entered you. Pre cum was already dripping from the small slit at the top of his head and he used it to help lubricate himself further. He let go of your hair with his left and instead used it to wrap around your throat from the front, distracting you with a squeeze before he abruptly entered into you.

You let out another cry at his thickness and the rough slaps of his hips against your ass. He gave you no time to adjust as he moved at a jarring pace, his cock moving smoothly in and out of your wet pussy. “Fuck you’re tight,” he muttered and the words at you tightened your muscles even more around him as he took your breath away with his hand.

“Sanzu,” You mumbled, wanting to ask for mercy but at the same time enjoying the way he was ramming into you. The position you were in allowed for him to reach in deeply, nearly hitting your cervix as his wild thrusts only sped up at the sound of his name. He was grunting and moaning in a ragged voice that sounded like music to your ears. You had no idea that you could get off to the sounds a guy could make during sex, but then again you didn’t even know that sex could be like this.

He had to hold your body up as you moaned with the force of another orgasm, cooing in your ear about what a good baby you were, fucking you through it so thoroughly that you were seeing stars from the overstimulation. It was only seconds later that he was filling you up with his hot cum.

Your grip on the shelving in front of you loosened as he quickly pulled out so that he could catch you in his arms. He chuckled, something malicious hidden in the melodious sound. He was surprised how he had been able to reduce you to putty in such a short amount of time, “We’re going to have so much fun.”

It wasn’t long after crossing one line, you found yourself crossing others. You fell deeper and deeper into sexual mischief with your newfound lover. The thrill of possibly getting caught, losing it all over an incredibly unstable man was more than you could ever resist. He started coming into the café on every off day with a new way to torture you into even further submission.

Today he had decided to convince you to insert two small remote-controlled vibrators into you, one in your delicate pussy and the other into your ass. It was your first experience with anal play and having an object up your rectum felt strange and intrusive at first. However, as soon as he turned the tiny silicone toy on, the discomfort melted away.

He had you make his usual favorite parfait, testing out the controls as he did so. You tried to keep a straight face as he sat at the back table, spoon in his mouth as he turned the intensity up and down. He continued to do this as customers came steadily throughout the next hour.

The buzz was ringing so loudly in your ears that you were sure the nicely dressed man in front of you could hear it. You had already came twice and were definitely on the verge of hitting your peak again. You prayed that he’d be gone before that happened, knowing you wouldn’t be able to stop the sounds that would come out of your mouth.

“Is that all for you today, Sir?” You all but gasp out, thighs clenching together as you handed the customer his change and his frozen yogurt. Keeping your voice in line while having both holes stimulated seemed completely impossible at first, but somehow you had adapted quickly to it. The thought of being caught had your face so incredibly hot that if someone touched you they may have thought you were suffering from a fever.

“No, no, that’s it.” He said, giving a perplexed look, “Are you alright? You seem distressed.” He gave her a look over, not noticing anything that seemed out of the ordinary besides that her legs seemed to be trembling.

“Oh I’m fine, it’s just a little hot out today.” You stammered, just wanting him to hurry up and leave as you felt yourself teetering on that edge of bliss. Your clit throbbed for stimulation and you were sure to give in as soon as he left the store.

He nodded, giving a small smile before turning to leave. As soon as his back turned your hand moved up your skirt to rub furious circles around your bud, releasing a muffled cry as you clamped a hand over your mouth. The only thing that could be heard was Sanzu laughing maniacally at your pathetic whimpers.

He was still giggling as he locked the front door and went around the counter. You watched, heart thumping wildly at the thought of losing your job as he hiked up your short skirt. You glanced at the camera overhead, knowing it was recording but somehow not caring. He pulled the vibe out of your cunt and held it up, looking at the drenched and dripping toy with a twisted smile.

“Would you look at that?” He teased before quickly tugging his pants and boxers down just enough to pull out his hardened cock. You obediently bent over the counter, wanting nothing more than for him to be stuffed deep inside of you, filling you up with his seed as you came yet again.

Sanzu cocked his head to the side, “Need something, love?” He teased and you let out a desperate whimper, nodding your head. “Use your words,” He threatened, collecting your spilled juices with the head of his penis.

You whined, squeezing around nothing but air as you began to bed, “Please fuck me, Sanzu.” You muttered, quietly at first until he hit your ass with a stinging slap. “Please fill my slutty hold with your cum, Master.”

He dove right in. How could he deny his favorite little plaything? He pulled one of your arms behind your back as he began to thrust faster, not even caring if someone were to peek in through the clear door. You could easily be seen by pedestrians passing by on the sidewalks out front, but the need for another orgasm was overpowering your need for decency.

Sanzu cut the vibe in your ass all the way up and his name came out in a messy moan that satisfied him more than having his dick buried in you. He could feel the vibrations through that thin wall that separated the two holes and was pleased with how much it enhanced his pleasure as well.

He hunched over, pinning you down to the counter with his body as he continued to rut his hips in a fast, tight motion. He kissed the back of your neck lightly before biting roughly, leaving a mark to show the world who you belonged to - Bonten’s number two, one of the most dangerous criminals in all of Japan. Whoever messed with you would pay a very hefty price.

Drool spilled out of your mouth and puddled beneath you, tears streaming down to join in as you sobbed from overstimulation. Certainly, you’d break if you came again. Certainly, you’d lose your mind once and for all and become nothing more than a mindless sex doll. Certainly…

The orgasm was more intense than the last, possibly the most ecstatic one you’ve ever had. You jerked beneath him, hips moving with fervor as you tried to work your way through the madness that was encompassing your thoughts. Sanzu kissed away your tears, turning down the vibrator but not before cumming inside of you.

The next day you were fired.

Hot wet tears had flooded down your face as you called your boyfriend, devastated despite knowing the possible consequences of your actions. Sanzu had been amused at first until you recited what the owner had said to you. Then he was out for blood, but not before consoling you and promising to make it up to you. He wasn’t totally heartless after all.

You knew by now that he had more money imaginable, more than he possibly knew what to do with, and he had always toyed with the idea of having a sugar baby. A little sweet thing to have on-demand whenever he needed them. You could easily work off your debt with any hold he yearned for that. Coming back home after a long night of helping run a criminal enterprise to fuck his frustrations out sounded like heaven.

The bills looming over your head were more than enough incentive to make you agree. He immediately moved you into his penthouse, something bigger than you’d ever seen before. It was kept clean thanks to an exhausted maid that came almost daily. He had to pay her extra to clean up the used needles he sometimes left lying around.

Once you began living a life of luxury, you knew you could never stop. If all it took was to take funny tasting pills that your new sugar daddy fed you, then that was what you’d do. They’d make you so hot you thought you’d melt right into you him as he kissed you. Made you too dizzy to walk straight and gave you the best orgasms money could buy. What wasn’t there to love?

You were Sanzu’s little fuck toy and you wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

Cross-posted on AO3 under Shinsotired. Requests are currently open!

[scaramouchefootrest]

ENDED: Twst Merch Giveaway: Ghost Camera Shoulder Bag

What: One Ghost Camera shoulder bag from the Twisted Wonderland Exhibition

Who: Anyone can participate!

Shipping is free of charge to any country except where the post office says no, which (to my knowledge) is the following places: Yemen, Guatemala, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Chad, Bolivia, Liberia, Micronesia, Marshall Islands, Libya, Russia, Ukraine.

How: Please reblog this post! No need to follow or like (unless you want to!), winner to be selected by random number generator.

This same giveaway is also running on Twitter, because there are actually two bags, so there will be two winners! Feel free to participate in both, if you so wish!

When: This giveaway has ended!

Winner will not be announced publicly (just in case someone is looking to get a gift for someone else), so please be sure that you can receive messages!

I do not want to remove it from its packaging, but this is what it looks like! There was also a sample available at the exhibition gift shop, and it was a lot bigger than I'd imagined.

I'd thought the round parts on the front were going to be a hard plastic but they are actually a very soft rubber!

It is very cute, and as far as I know it is only available for purchase via the Twisted Wonderland exhibition (at this time).

[scaramouchefootrest]

so true 😩‼️

There's something about ANGRY, MAD, FURIOUS, ENRAGED, EXECUTIONER MODE ON Michael Kaiser that has me going feral

SCREAMING CREAMING CRYING MOANING BEGGING WHIMPERING TREMBLING SHUDDERING MEOWING BARKING

[scaramouchefootrest]

꒷♡꒷ TREAT YOU BETTER!

♰ featuring: sae itoshi + rin itoshi (mentioned) [blue lock]

♰ note: this one is a DOOSY and i'm not even kidding when i say it took me 9 hours and 45 minutes to complete this, over the course of two days of course. However, as my first time ever writing on tumblr, i decided to go all out! that being said, it would mean a lot to me if you would support this work by reading, liking, and reblogging!

sypnosis: why be with his lukewarm little brother when you could be with him instead? wc: 6.6k content/trigger warning(s): 18+. fem/fem-bodied reader. POST BLUE LOCK. sibling rivalry. implied thick/chubby!reader. sae is mean. jealous!sae. bully!sae. rin is 19. sae is 21. CHEATING. degradation. unprotected sex. fingering. squirting. rough sex. DUBIOUS CONTENT. spanking. dacryphilia. slut shaming. groping. implied size kink. minor angst. hair pulling. ONE face slap. pussy slapping.꒷꒦

Coming home for the holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions is somewhat of a family tradition that enables people to slow down and focus on spending quality time with loved ones. These kinds of celebrations give families that may otherwise be estranged from one another due to work or geography the chance to reunite and enjoy each other's company. And this reasoning was no different in the Itoshi household. What was the occasion for this month’s gathering? Well, it was Mama Itoshi’s birthday, of course!

You see, you have known Rin and Sae Itoshi since you were all very young. Your mothers were best friends, and by default, that meant that you three would become close as well.

Growing up with the Itoshi brothers, on the other hand, was . . . interesting, to say the least. Where Rin found your presence to be refreshing, Sae found you to be a nuisance. You didn’t care for football; you got in the way of his practice; and you were a girl. He always thought you were too weak to play with, and he didn’t hesitate to make his feelings known to you. Pulling your hair until you screamed, pushing you around when you weren’t even in his way, and calling you mean names until your little E/C eyes welded up with fat tears were just some of the things he would do to torment you. Had it not been for little Rinnie stepping in and protecting you from his brother’s outright bullying, Sae most likely would’ve continued until you cried to your mom about how mean Sae-chan was to you. But you would never do that. Your little crush on him would never allow you to get him into trouble.

Nii-chan! Don’t be too mean to Y/N. You’ll make her inner crybaby come out!

When Sae was especially cruel to you, Rin was always there to lift your spirits. He would tell you not to worry about his "meanie Nii-chan," take your hand and wipe your tears and snotty face, and lead you up to his room where you two could watch movies and play action figures away from his brother's taunts. Even if he could not take you away right away, for instance, if you three were at the park, he would always come and ride the swings or the big slides with you just to make you happy. Despite Sae’s every protest about how you were nothing more than a distraction to him, Rin, and football, you knew that your friendship was sincere and unbreakable.

As you three went through the ups and downs of childhood, you also weathered the storms of adolescence together. Sae left for Madrid, leaving you, Rin, and your previous feelings for his older brother behind to navigate the social awkwardness of junior high and share in each other's accomplishments while he was with his football team and you were at your respective clubs. Your friendship was a source of strength during those formative years, providing solace and understanding when the world seemed confusing.

As you two approached your high school years, something began to change. Accidental touches felt more like fleeting sparks, while innocent glances became lingering stares. Neither of you fully comprehended your newfound feelings, tiptoeing around the unsaid emotions that seemed to glimmer between the two of you until the day Rin asked you to be his just before entering Blue Lock. Now, for the past three years, you have been a happy couple, embarking on the dreaded hell of adulthood and the next chapter of your lives hand-in-hand.

Back in the present, the two of you were glad that Rin finally had some downtime from soccer—well . . . more so you than him. Even after the events of Blue Lock, he and Sae remained rivals, seizing any opportunity they could to humiliate each other on the field. That being said, Rin was almost always in the gym, meditating, doing yoga, or practicing his skills to pass the time. It was nice to be able to spend time together without the stress of his next upcoming game or press conference.

Because it was his mother's birthday weekend and all, she would, of course, invite her boys to come to stay with her and their father for the occasion, which included you too since you were Rin’s girlfriend. However, in the few days that you and Rin have already been at his childhood home, Sae had yet to arrive, and no one had heard from him since he texted his mother that he was on his way to the airport to depart. Regardless, the family was busy finalizing plans for their mother's big day. Mr. Itoshi was at the bakery finalizing the details for his wife's cake, Mrs. Itoshi was out for brunch with your mother, and Rin had gone for an afternoon jog because "staying cooped up all day will turn him into a lukewarm lard ass," in his words. As for you? You had just begun to rise, completing some housework in one of Rin’s old jerseys and washing the dishes on which you and Rin had just eaten a delicious breakfast.

After completing your tasks, you made your way back up the lavish stairs of their home with every intention of going back into Rin’s childhood room that you two were sharing for the weekend when you froze. Your gaze traveled to the opposite end of the hallway, to the closed door whose presence loomed in the distance—Sae’s room.

Memories from your childhood flashed back to you, of you watching him and Rin play all too violent and scary zombie video games, rewatching his matches, and, most begrudgingly, the numerous times he nudged your head with his foot and tousled your perfectly styled hair just to get a rise out of you.

Cringing internally at the past memories, you took a further step in the direction of Rin's room before hesitating once more.

It wouldn’t hurt to take a little peek inside Sae’s room, would it?

Despite your better judgment, you shuffled over the closed door and paused with your slender digits loosely encircling the handle. Your stomach churned and your heart thumped in your chest as your inner voice warned you not to enter another person's private space without their consent. But hold on—why were you getting anxious? Who was going to catch you when no one was at home? Turning the knob gently, the heavy oak door would give way with the tiniest of creaks, revealing a rather uninteresting-looking room. But given that Sae had rarely if ever, been home since junior high, it only made sense for it to be so plain. Aside from the plethora of trophies, medals, certificates, and framed photos that lined his dresser, what made it even more amusing was that those were only the leftovers from what could not fit in his trophy case beside his wooden dresser, which housed some of his youth team jerseys and junior trinkets.

You crept further into the cold room, wrapping your arms around yourself, and shuffled over to the plethora of awards from Sae's tireless efforts. As much as you weren’t fond of him, you had to admit that it was beyond admirable that a child was able to accomplish so much in so little time. He possessed a natural talent that professionals would kill for and others were envious of. Even though you were never interested in the sport, you envied him for being so naturally gifted at something he was passionate about.

“Some ‘monster genius’, huh?” You scoffed to yourself as your gaze fell on the last photo of Sae and Rin playing on the same team together before their relationship fell apart. Oh, how you miss those good old days of your youth.

“The fuck are you doing in here?”

Coming from behind you, an all too familiar voice startled you out of your reverie. Turning around, your wide eyes came to rest on Sae's form, which was motionless in the doorway, his stoic visage forever unamused, and his overnight shoulder bag resting by his feet.

When did he come in?

More notably, he’s . . . changed from the last time you’ve seen him since the U-20 vs. Blue Lock game three years ago. He was a bit taller, probably around 6’2” now. Because he was wearing a long-sleeved white compression shirt and gray sweatpants, you were able to see that his muscles were more defined than before, with every ridge and curve pronounced more vividly. His maroon locks had grown a bit longer, with his fringes now reaching slightly beyond his chiseled, clenched jaw, though his bangs remained forever lopsided and flipped back. And his turquoise eyes—had they gotten even sharper since the last time you'd seen them? The way they were glowering down at you, it was almost as though they were piercing right through your very soul.

“You deaf or something, you half-brained moron?”

Your eyes rolled exasperatedly into the back of your head as he rudely interrupted your thoughts. Only ten seconds after you reconnected, here he was spewing insults your way.

“Nice to see you too, Sae.” You grumbled sarcastically, internally dreading what this weekend would hold in store for the both of you.

In response, he hummed, remaining motionless in the doorway as his teal eyes bore into you with something unknown. The truth is, while you were distracted by his physical appearance, he was ogling you in the same manner. You had grown since the last time he’d seen you when you were back in high school. Your once innocent eyes now had a glint in them that could only be described as nubile; your once round cheeks had slimmed a bit to fit your maturing features; and your body . . . Damn, have you really grown over the years. You had developed a more feminine frame, with fuller thighs, widened hips, larger breasts, and a more prominent ass. You had developed into a truly breathtaking young woman, despite how much he hated to admit it.

“Almost thought you weren’t going to show at all.” You sighed, lazily checking your nails. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I live here.” His voice was deadpan and monotone, yet it held an underlying hint of irritation. “All these years have passed since grade school, and you’re still as braindead as when you were a child.”

“And you’re just as much of an asshole as you used to be.”

You resisted the urge to sneer, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he was getting under your skin, as you dropped your arms to your sides. When you made this motion, his brows would furrow, and he would cast a scrutinizing glare at your choice of clothing.

Talking to him was futile, and you did not want to be in this room any longer than necessary now that he was there. “Good to have you home, genius.” You spat sarcastically, attempting to push past him to exit the room, when all of a sudden his large hand would seize your bicep, halting your steps.

Your head snapped to him, your gaze a mixture of frustration and confusion as your lips parted to shout a rebuttal his way; however, upon seeing the blazing fire that had ignited in his eyes, you hesitated. His eyes narrowed to thin slits, like two fiery coals burning fiercely within his sockets. The intensity of his gaze was enough to send shivers down your spine, making you acutely aware of the gravity of his sudden wrath. His jaw clenched tightly, showing the strain of controlling his rage, and his brows furrowed, forming a menacing V-shape above his oculars.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” He seethed through clenched teeth, his voice deep and full of poorly contained malice.

You blinked. Your jaw dropped as you gawked at him, beyond perplexed. He had caught you so off guard that even you had to check what you were wearing to make sure you were not wearing anything objectionable. Nothing worth offending—fuzzy black pajama shorts that hugged your plush thighs, plain slippers, Rin's worn-out football jersey.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, you coy little slut.”

That silenced you effectively. Your eyes enlarged—almost lamblike—and your pretty lips drew in a subtle gasp. Any previous spark that had been ignited within you had quickly diminished, choosing silence over tossing more gasoline onto Sae’s roaring flames.

It appeared as though his entire being was directing his wrath into his single, piercing gaze as every muscle in his face tightened with each passing second. His lips, which are typically flat or curved into an unamused frown, were now deep-set, corners tugging into an awful scowl.

“Why are you wearing that lukewarm loser’s jersey?” When you should be wearing mine?

Now it was your turn to be infuriated as he insulted your boyfriend—his brother—the same person he had thrown out like garbage all those years earlier. Your heart was pounding so loudly in your chest that you could hear your blood pumping in your ears.

“So I’m not allowed to wear my own boyfriend’s jersey now, fuckface?” His gaze faltered. “You going to call me names for that too, Sae? Pull my hair? Spit in my face? Huh?”

“*What did you just say?”

“I said are you going to—”

“No, you cow-titted bimbo. The first thing you said.” He leaned in closer to your face, his eyes owlish and unblinking since you opened your mouth. You could smell his minty breath from the gum he had been chewing wafting into your face, “Say it again.”

“I’m not allowed to wear my boyfriend’s jersey?” You repeated, confusion etching your tone.

“That.” He snarled, his voice elated in a sick way, as though he had just found out the answer to some legendary riddle.

The hand that had been gripping your bicep now violently jerked you to the side, shoving you into his door. Before you had time to react, he crowded your personal space as his forearm pressed against the wood above your head, allowing you to smell the faint scent of his expensive cologne. “When did that happen?”

The initial fire that fueled his rage now transformed into a different kind of heat, a simmering and bitter envy that gnawed at his insides. He found himself grappling with conflicting emotions - on the one hand, he was somewhat happy that his blockhead of a brother managed to get a girlfriend, but on the other hand, it was you. The same girl that he had been pining over since you were first introduced to him all those years ago. The same girl that he thought was prettiest when she pouted at him with fat tears in her eyes and pleaded with him to be nicer to her. The same girl that consumed his thoughts 24/7. The same girl that he jerked his cock to at night after seeing how her fat tits in that all too small jersey bounced every time she cheered for his brother at that stupid game against Blue Lock. The same girl that, on all of those lonely nights overseas, he wished that, instead of fucking his fist, he was pummeling himself deep in your sopping wet cunt. The same girl that he was about to ruin before his brother got home from his whereabouts.

“Before Blue Lock . . .” Your voice was hushed, barely above a whisper, as though you were afraid of awakening a savage beast.

Three years. Three fucking years, and no one told him?! Not his mother, not his father, not Rin, not your stupid little social media (that he may or may not have been stalking) where you posted pictures of cats, candid photos of your friends, or whatever the fuck you got at your local coffee shop that day—not even you.

His once-obvious fury and visceral expression subsided, simmering beneath the surface in a contained inferno that burned with a ferocity few could fathom. Despite the turmoil raging inside him, he remained eerily calm, his stoic facade masking the storm within.

His demeanor exuded a cold, steely resolve that sent shivers down your spine and, quite frankly, took your breath away. There was an ominous sense of stillness in his presence, as if the air itself dared not disturb the calmness he projected.

“. . . Do you love him?” He spoke in hushed tones, each word enunciated with precision and purpose. There was no need for loud outbursts; the intensity of his calmness alone was enough to make you cower beneath him.

You were dumbfounded by his question, powerless to respond, and yet the longer you remained silent, the more you could see the cracks in his facade begin to scorch through his surface.

“D-Don’t be stupid, Sae. Of course I do, he’s my—”

You would never be able to finish your statement quick enough before his hands were on you, meaty palms digging into your hair, blunt nails scratching against your scalp as he grabbed a visceral hold onto your roots. The searing pain and astonishment coursing through your frame had you shrieking—in what? You didn’t know. Fear? Agony? Guilt?

Using his grip on you as a lead, he would tug you forcefully out of your slippers and down the hall to somewhere unknown. He ignored your screams as the weight atop your head forced your sight to the ground, your manicured nails digging into his wrist and clawing in an attempt to be freed.

“S-Sae, I-I’m sorry! Please, let me go! You’re hurting me!”

He said nothing, his heavy and deliberate footsteps speaking for him before he paused a short distance later. He threw you forward carelessly with surprising strength, causing you to land painfully on the wooden floors in front of you, barely having time to brace yourself with your palms. You had no time to catch your breath, though, as he shuffled over to you with fast-paced footsteps. Looking up fretfully, you would see Sae towering over you, taking notice that you were now on the floor of Rin’s room just before his bed.

“Sae—”

“Sae! Sae! Don’t be stupid; I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He openly mocked you, his lip curled into the faintest of sneers as he glowered down at you in hatred. Although even you could see that there was a bit of hurt behind his cruel teal eyes, “All you do is flap those pretty fuckin’ lips of yours, never knowin’ when to shut your stupid little trap.”

He relished in the way your bottom lip trembled and your eyes grew glassy, the same way they used to all those years ago.

“Still a little crybaby too, I see. Don’t worry, baby, you’ll be sorry soon enough for leading me on all this time.” He grumbled, lunging for you again.

He snagged at your roots again, drawing a sob from your lips as he mercilessly dragged you to your feet. Releasing his grip on your hair, he instead chose to grab your jaw harshly in his palm, using his thumb and forefinger to squish your cheeks and pucker your lips so that he may smash his lips against your own. It was messy, sloppy, and full of passion and rage on Sae’s end. He smeared your gloss, claimed your brims, and forced his tongue into your pretty, pliant mouth, all with the intention of claiming you and your maw for his own—but you would never let him.

You belong to Rin! You were loyal to him! So then, why do Sae’s lips feel so damn good against your own right now? This was wrong. So, so wrong, and yet, why did you want more of him?

Your mind was cloudy. Your head was spinning. You couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating you. Your dainty fists beat at his beefy chest and shoulders, trying to get him to get off of you, but to no avail. Instead, he seized both of your wrists in the grasp of his other hand and squeezed painfully in a warning, forcing you to whine against his lips—a delightful sound that went straight to his hardening bulge that he shamelessly pressed against you, grinding sinfully against your hips.

When he finally pulled away from you, you clearly appeared dazed. Your eyes were half-lidded and glassy, yet you were silently pleading for him to give you more. Your plump lips had swollen from his being pressed so forcefully against your own, and a singular strand of saliva still connected your lips to his own—one which he would sinfully lick away with a salacious swipe of his tongue.

The hand he used to grab your face gently shook your head back and forth, his sadistic turquoise hues savoring your already fucked-out expression. “There’s the greedy bitch I know and love. Finally decided to show yourself, huh? What? You want more, hm? What about your little boyfriend, princess?”

“R-Rin . . . I love, Ri—” You were cut off when Sae’s expression flared, his hand releasing your face for naught but seconds before connecting with your cheek in a hard slap. You squealed from the impact, your head whipping to the side in shock, but you could not help but feel strangely aroused by the contact. He grabbed your cheeks in his palm once more and tightened his hold on your face, bringing you closer to him until you were nose to nose.

“Don’t lie to me, you little minx.” He snarled as he cut his eyes at you. “You don’t think I’ve noticed the way you’ve been looking at me after all these years, like you wanted me? Or that I haven’t overheard your stupid little conversations about how dreamy you think I am to your friends, huh? Or how about now, when you swear up and down that you love my loser little brother, when here you are already going stupid on me when I’ve barely even touched you?”

You clenched your eyes shut as hot, guilty tears rushed behind your lids. He’s right. You've wanted him—always have—but it was too late now. You were with Rin, and he was the love of your life. You could not possibly change that, could you?

“Just say it, Y/N.” He chided, his voice softer than it was before, yet it still held it’s cold, irritated undertone. “Say you want me, and I’ll make you feel better than that lukewarm little shit ever has.” He released your face and smoothed his thick digits over the top of your head, stopping only when he could rest his fingers beneath your chin and tilt your head to look up at him. Your gaze focused on him once more.

“ . . . I want you, Sae. B-But Rin . . . ”

Sae hushed you again, pressing his lips against yours. How badly he wanted that name to never again be uttered by your lovely tongue. When Sae pulled away again, there was the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

“We’ll be quick, okay?” A lie. He was going to take his time fucking his brother’s name out of your memory. “He’ll never suspect a thing.”

Your apprehension was palpable, but ultimately you would succumb to sin and let desire and greed rule over logic and reason. You nodded, giving him the nonverbal go-ahead to stomp on the accelerator and never let up.

“Good girl.” He praised you, both hands abandoning your face to now grip at the collar of your shirt. In one swift motion, he ripped Rin’s jersey clean off of you from down the middle. “About time we got that shit off of you. The sight of it was makin’ me sick.” He spat as he tossed the tattered fabric over his shoulder.

You were not wearing a bra, so the violent motion had your breasts bouncing free after being momentarily released from their confines, allowing them to slap softly against the flesh of your rib cage—much to Sae’s viewing pleasure. You grew sheepish as he seemed to freeze, staring so brazenly at your bare breasts that you began to feel a bit self-conscious. Was something wrong? Did he not like them? Was he expecting more? Less?

In reality, the answer was none of the above. The midfielder swore under his breath as he shoved you back onto Rin's cozy comforter. He hastily climbed on top of you and used his body weight to pin you against the bed as his lustful hands began to grope and knead at your supple flesh, eliciting precious mewls with each delightful squeeze. His lips would latch onto one of your breasts as he dipped his head downward; the thumb and forefinger of his free hand would play with the other, teasing your nipples. His sharp teeth bit greedily over the delicate areola as his tongue flicked and laved over the hardening buds. The stimulation only served to heighten your arousal, as evidenced by the way you wailed his name like a sweet song meant only for his ears and how your thighs squeezed together from your excitement drooling from your folds.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Sae, who was busy alternating between pleasuring both of your breasts and growling under his breath, “Lewd fuckin’ body. S’all mine . . .” When he pulled away, there were visible marks left in his wake—light red splotches and indentations of hungry teeth imprinted on your skin.

He reached for the hem of his compression shirt and lifted it above his head, tossing it off to the side as he sat above you, staring lustfully down at you. He would manhandle you further after sliding off of your body. He pulled your shorts down in one motion, grabbed your thick thighs by the backs of your knees, and pushed them up towards your breasts. When he did, he couldn’t help but whistle, admiring how your puffy folds clung together and your inner thighs remained sticky from your translucent arousal.

“Has he ever made you wet like this?” Sae inquired, leering at you from between your thighs like a hungry lion with it’s eyes set predatorily on a helpless gazelle, to which your gaze would quickly avert. You and Rin had such a strong emotional bond that you never felt the need for frequent sex between you two. There were a few times, though, when Rin would fuck you after a winning game in a way that made you see stars, but those were always very far apart.

Your silence was all Sae needed for his answer. He crept back up onto you, chuckling sardonically as he held your thigh up with one hand, using his body to keep your other spread apart. He wanted to see all of your pretty expressions up close and personal when he ravished you. Swiping two of his fingers between your folds, the sudden motion caused your hips to jerk into his touch and you to keen with need.

Slowly, he inserted a single digit inside of you, hissing at how your walls selfishly gripped his fingers and eagerly tried to devour more of him. “Loosen up, will you, greedy slut?” He slapped your thigh with his other hand as your back arched with pleasure. “This tight pussy will never be able to take my cock at this rate.”

You tried to loosen up, you really did, but there was something so delicious—so tantilizing—about his thick, calloused fingers caressing your velvety walls that made you crave more of him. He continued to thrust his single digit inside of you, his teal oculars peering into your own with such intensity that it forced you to look away.

“Stop that.” His hand that grabbed the back of your knee slithered along your outer thigh until he could grasp your chin and force you to look back at him. “Eyes on me.” He ordered, to which you would nod dumbly amidst your pleasured mewls.

You felt the delightful stretch of another of his thick fingers pressing into your sopping cunt, thrusting in tandem with his previous one, as he leaned closer to you and his lips just barely touched your own.

“S-Sae, mmph, more, please, please, touch me more.” You begged, bringing a sinful smirk to the midfielder’s lips.

Unexpectedly, he would comply with your requests, pressing the pad of his thumb against your throbbing clit and rubbing quick, pleasurable cricles with his fingers as he arduously sought out that sweet, sweet spot inside of you. You could not help but start sobbing his name, his thick fingers filling you to the brim even though he had yet to stuff his cock into you. Each time he curled upward inside of you, his impeccable skill had you gasping for reprieve.

It was nothing like Rin’s. His fingers were slightly thinner than his brother’s, but they were a tad longer too, able to reach the deepest spots within you without even trying. Sae's immense precision and experience, which allowed him to know exactly where your sweetest spots lay within you, made up for his lack of length.

“ . . . Are you seriously thinking about him right now?”

You were startled out of your reverie by his curious tone and thinly veiled anger. You tried to focus on his hardened features through your daze, but you couldn’t. The knot in your tummy tightened, and you felt an enormous wave of pleasure wash over you. Something big was coming, and you could feel it reverberating all throughout your core.

“He could never make you feel this good, could he? Never get this pretty cunt this wet for him, hm?” All throughout his monologue, you could hear the sinful squelching of your juices soaking his palm, dripping down his wrist, and splattering onto the floor. You were a mess beneath him. He would abuse that rough patch just along your upper walls until your toes clung to the sheets in ecstasy.

“M’sorry, m’sorry!” You mewled, breath coming out in short, high-pitched pants as you writhed under him, his pace increasing as he felt your walls fluttering around his fingers.

“Who’s making a mess of you right now? Huh? Speak up, princess; let me hear you say it.”

“—You, Sae! You, you, you! Hah, please, I-I can’t . . . ! I-I’m gonna—”

“Do it. Cum on my fuckin’ fingers. Make a mess for me, pretty.”

You did just that. Your body went rigid for naught but a second before your back was arched into him, and your head tossed itself back into the pillows as a chorus of unabashed wails of your release erupted from your pretty, drooling lips. Your release was immense—loud—as a gushing of juices from your pussy thoroughly drenched the sheets, Sae’s sweatpants, his abs, and his entire forearm.

You squirted. For him. For the first time ever.

It was uncharacteristic how an almost feral grin twisted on Sae’s lips, his fingers removing from your sopping cunt to place a few well-directed slaps on your far too sensitive and overstimulated pussy.

“Atta’ fuckin’ girl. Can’t believe my baby brother was keeping such a sweet little succubus all to himself—selfish bastard.”

You couldn’t even hear him; your chest was rising and falling heavily as tears of pleasure ran down your cheeks (and thighs).

“Hey, hey. You still with me?” His tone was soft, his typically impassive visage now meeting your own with furrowed eyebrows and a tinge of concern behind his bright hues.

You nodded—it was all you could muster at this moment, but it was good enough for Sae. He brought his soaking hand to your parted lips, lightly tapping the digits on your plump flesh in a silent command for you to clean him off. He chuckled. Your lithe tongue and eager brims slurped, licked, and sucked your mess off of his thick fingers that were now shoved down your throat without you even needing to be told what to do.

“You wanna do that again for me? On my cock this time, pretty?”

You were exhausted, your body already aching beneath him, but you still craved more from him. Another meek nod was given, your dazed eyes meeting his only to utter around his fingers, words garbled from his fingers on your tongue, “Wantha’ squirth’ awound ya cahwk.”

That was all Sae needed to hear as he stepped off of the bed, making quick work to discard his soaked sweatpants and boxers into the growing pile of clothes at the base of the bed. His large hands grabbed your soft hips, tugging you toward him with ease as he flipped you onto your hands and knees. He let out a growl, his hand raising to smack your plump ass once, then twice, on both of your cheeks before taking big, greedy handfuls of your flesh into his ravenous palms. This was undoubtedly already his favorite thing about you.

Standing by the edge of the bed, Sae placed your body horizontally across the mattress with your head facing the door. With a forceful push of your face down into the sheets, your view of the room instantly became obscured. You craned your neck back, peering at Sae from over the arch of your back as he grabbed one of your fat cheeks in one hand and used his other to line his cock up with your entrance. He slapped his heavy cock against your folds, his blossoming mushroom tip connecting with your throbbing clit making you both keen with ecstasy.

He couldn’t wait any more. He needed to be inside of you. He entered your drooling cunt with a single, calculated push, and your fluttering walls were already trying to devour more of him in response to the intrusion. Sae groaned as his hips met the flesh of your ass once he was buried to the hilt inside of you. His head lulled back as he dug his blunt nails into your flesh.

For the past three years, this—this right here is exactly what he had been craving, yearning over, and lusting for—and now he had it. He nearly came from the feeling inside of you alone, though; he’d be damned if he let the fun stop there.

A steady pace was quickly established by the midfielder's hips, and his long, deliberate strokes were deep enough to feel in your tummy and cause your toes to curl up in pleasure. Having had such a powerful orgasm not even minutes earlier, you were still fairly sensitive; however, that only made things all the more enjoyable.

“O-Oh my god, y-your cock, it’s t-too much, I-I can’t—”

“Don’t tell me you can’t, you cock-loving slut.” He snapped at you, cutting your pleas short with a sharp thrust of his hips. The rhythmic plapping of your ass against his pelvis resonated off the walls of the bedroom, lewdly ringing in your own ears. “This is everything I—we’ve—been wanting for years. Don’t tell me that now, all of a sudden—” He paused, groaning deeply through gritted teeth as you clenched around him. “—That this pretty pussy can’t take anymore when you’re gripping me so desperately.”

“B-But Sae, i-it feels too good! Like I’m . . . I’m gonna make a mess again!” You whined.

He thought it was adorable that even in the most deplorable and deprived of acts, you still attempted to hold some semblance of modesty. Oh, how you were both far past that.

If anything, that just fueled his aggression. He used your words as justification to pummel your poor pussy harder and faster, putting both of his hands on your hips and lower back and pressing his weight against you to force you into an almost painful arch as his pelvis slammed into your ass. Your vision went blurry from his unforgiving pace, and your throat went raw from your cries and screams of pleasure.

“Who’s making you feel this good, huh?” He grunted in between thrusts, a hand raising to land a furious smack on your ass that caused you to mewl and your tiny fists to grip the sheets.

“Y-You, Sae! You are! Ngh, plea—”

“And who’s cock do you like better, huh, princess? Me or that lukewarm fuckface’s?”

You hesitated, but only for a millisecond, as you felt the blunt head of his cock caressing your sweet spot, pummeling into you over and over as your thighs began to shake, growing unable to hold yourself up from the stimulation. His thrusts faltered as his cock twitched inside of you. You figured he was close too.

“Yours, y-yours! Your cock feels so good, I-I’m gonna cum again! I’m ngh gonna cum all over your f-fuck-ing cock!”

He let out an almost animalistic groan, something between a chuckle and a feral snarl, “Yeah, princess? You really mean it?” He moved one of his hands to your hair, threading his fingers through it without yet pulling, almost as if he were waiting for your response.

Your response was almost instantaneous, and the adorable chorus of incoherent babbles and cries of "yes, yes, yes" left your head spinning. You had the sensation that you might pass out completely.

Your head was abruptly yanked out of the pillows, and your gaze was once again forced upward. Your eyes, albeit blurry and glassy, caught sight of the all-too-familiar figure standing in the doorway. Sweat dribbling from his forehead while dressed in a white windbreaker and sweatpants to protect himself from the elements during his jog, stood the one person who filled you with dread.

Rin.

He was back.

As your eyes locked onto the all-too-memorable teal ones boring into your own, your moans ceased. The logic and reason that you had previously dismissed for giving into your desires came flooding back. Guilt, which had been gnawing at the pit of your stomach, reared it’s ugly head once more.

He caught you.

With his brother.

The realization of your actions, the feeling of knowing that you hurt someone you cared deeply about and promised your life to, left you reeling. The enormity of the situation left you speechless and unable to respond.

As the shock slowly gave way to the depths of your despair, tears welled up in your eyes, this time of anguish. Your ability to control your emotions ran out, and you began to sob, letting the tears run down your cheeks. Each tear that ran free was weighed down by guilt and regret.

All the while, Sae never stopped thrusting behind you. Almost as if he remained unfazed by his brother’s—your boyfriend’s—sudden appearance.

“R-Rin—”

“—Save it.”

His initial shock, disbelief, and hurt gradually gave way to something else. He was angry, searing with anger as malice began to rise within him, a blaze of fury that threatened to consume him. Though he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at . . . Sae?

“You told me you would wait until I got back, Nii-chan.”

The air left your lungs.

. . . What?

Using the grip from your hair, Sae pulled you back into him, pressing your body flush against his own as he craned your neck back into an awkward angle, forcing your gaze to meet his own. A dark and unsettling satisfaction crept into his expression, the corner of his lips tugging into a smirk. His eyes sparkled with a perverse delight, reveling in the twisted pleasure he derived from your adorably bewildered and anguished expression.

Your breath hitched.

Your mind raced for answers.

Sae’s gaze lazily tore from your own and to Rin's, who still remained in the doorway, the forward’s eyes sinfully burning into the way your breasts bounced sinfully from each of Sae’s now slow, agonizing thrusts.

"You know, little brother, it is not too late to join in on the fun."

ⓒ vampiie 2023 — all rights reserved. please do not repost my work outside of tumblr, modify, or translate my work in any form/means. please do not share my work to tiktok or any other site.

if this gets enough attention, i may make a part two!

[scaramouchefootrest]

𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐃!𝐂𝐊 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒.

#emergency commissions!!

#mlist #taglist #liawot #whoreclub

—Characters- Isagi, Shidou, Nagi, Rin, Bachira, Barou.

—cw: gut clenching, deep, vulg@r analysis, gagging, choking, size kink, hex codes.

—A/n: You can hate me but you can't disagree with me on this. Writing this made my mum whoop my ass because the milk on the stove burnt while I was thinking about the color of Barou's cock.

Reblogs are highly appreciated.

𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐘𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐈

code: #EBC4A7

Alright listen. Yoichi's dick is not too girthy, not too long. BUT, it's just perfect. It's 5.7 inch. The head takes up about an inch. It's not fat but rather a bit aligned with the body of his dick. It's perfect because he slides in so easily, your juices and the skin on his shaft creating noises that are nore lewd than your moans. He isn't really veiny but there are slight green traces visible. If you lick a stripe on it, you can feel the veins on your tongue. Yoichi loves the way you adore his dick. You know how his personality switches up so fast in the field when he scores? Yeah he feels the same shit when you have your eyes scan that perfection. He really has a pretty face and a pretty dick. Yoichi is proud of his size though. He doesn't care about having a big monster cock(eyeing bachira rn) because he still has you moaning, screaming, whimpering his name when he rails you after a win.

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐈

Code: #734125

Here me out. Shidou is just a little longer than average but fat asf. He really doesn't give to fucks about being longer because that fat meat??? That cock will slide in anyone and rewire their brain into loving his size. He is girthy, it looks like a big love sausage (not my words. that's what he calls it. Slut asf). You know when he is getting turned on, his dick does that spring thing where it slowly gets up until his mushroom tip has surpassed the trimmed hair on his crotch. You thought that shit only happens in porn but Mr. Shidpu Ryuusei from big dick community proved you wrong. Speaking of tips, Shidou's tip is fat, one shade lighter than his brown base. He has a pretty visible opening on it. You can always see the way his cum seeps out and falls on your face (if you are lucky enough to dodge the string of it reaching your lashes, blurring your vision because this mf always shoots it near your eyes) He does it on purpose btw.

𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐑𝐈𝐍

Code: #F2BCA5

Oh boy!! Rin has a long one. We're talking about atleast 6.5 to 7 inches. Again the one where his length makes up for the girth. So what if it isn't fat? it's long enough for you to choke on it. It is frustrating because you always struggle swallowing him whole. Rin wants nothing but to hit the back of your throat while your lips atleast brush against his balls but it is impossible to do so without gagging. He knows it, but he'llnevwr show that smug expressionon his face. Instead he's awarding himself for making you gag on it, internally. He always needs to guide you to it. His dick is like a lighter peach color, but the tip is pink. Again the tip isn't what is big but the body of his cock. You have to have a hand at the base to make sure you are stimulating his whole shaft while giving him head.

𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎

Code: #F2CDC2

Nah cuz Nagi really won. He us another guy who's dick is as pretty as him. Like we're talking about immaculate facial feature and a beautiful dick??? *Chefs kiss* Now about the size, it looks the right size, right? But you're proven wrong because he is one of those guys who gets bigger as he is more turned on. You underestimate him, thinking you can take him, but tears brim your eyes when you find his tip kissing the spot, and he isn't even fully in yet. AND HE HAS THE NEVER TO SMILE AS YOU STRUGGLE TO TAKE HIM IN. He isn't even mocking you. That's just Nagi Seishiro's amused expression. Again Nagi has a pretty similar tip as a Isagi. It isn't a big mushroom tip but a bulge that softens as it follows the lines on the cock. Sei has a color somewhat similar between a pink and peach, with a cooler undertone.

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐀 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔

Code: #EEC0A2

Haha all the best y'all. He is one of those guys who looks short but has a monster cock hidden inside his pants. He is so casual about it though for what??? Like sir hello?? I can see that dick print through the sweats. Bachira never flexed about his size. He didn't care and thought it never mattered. It's so funny that he gets confused when you widen your eyes when he is out of the shower ALL NAKED, and you have to witness it all hard, fat and sprung up becaus ehe was in there thinking about you. He has very visible veins on his cock. You can the dark and light green lines on them. Despite having a big dick, Bachira makes sure to ease it in you. He has a fished-mouth tip, flushed rose pink color, and he cums a lot. I am talking thick ropes spurting on your stomach when he pulls out.

𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐄𝐈

Code: #FCDDC7

I am being biased here but I couldn't give two shits about it because I know y'all will agree. Listen. HORSE COCK BAROU. You know it bitch. Don't deny. He is biiig. You thought he was fucking around when he said he has a big package but DAMN. Homeboy wasn't lying when you saw him in the locker room for the first time, with a boner that surpasses his belly button. You gulp down after a while of hanging you jaws open with awe. Barou had thick veins baby. Dotted condom who??? We have Barou with them think veins that pleasure you the way no mfing condom can. He also has fat balls which means now you get why he has the balls to call others donkey and that king complex shit of his. About his tip? Yeah it takes up about 1.5 inches of his cock, and pops out like champagne cork when he pulls out of you.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk. I am your host, pasi. REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG for part 2

Tagging: @milophiliac @satorhime @witchofoe @gojoest @tetsuclez @pu-re-love @sugardaddyreo @loml-riri @aztecbrujeria @his-saiko

[scaramouchefootrest]

destined

synopsis: the universe is very cruel to not bestow a soulmate to the child who fantasizes of having one.. 

warnings: heavy angst, slowburn, slight enemies to lovers if you squint, nagireo are soulmates! cheating (but not by reader or rin), a bit fast paced in some scenes, graphic description of a breakdown, mentions of trauma, car accidents, hospitalization, happy ending  

wc: 18.1k

genre: soulmate au

notes: i passed out forty seven times but here's the fic :DD oh. my. god. i did not expect for a silly little brainrot to have reached me this far, this fic was a lot of work and i hope all of you enjoy it <33 special thanks for my girlies (pibby and koca) for being there when i rant about the loss of will for this fic but i managed to finish it !!! oh my god aaaa aight i'm going to take a nap

taglist: @tim-shii, @venusbby, @kakujis, @daiseukiis, @kokoqian, @lizzy-me, @rinnietoshi, @hyomagiri @no-name-no-business, @shortymctotty, @rroxii

they say that the night before you turn sixteen, a mark will appear on your wrist. it was the universe finally giving you your soulmate, the one you were destined to love. 

in a world where one is destined to be your soulmate, you couldn’t help but fantasize about it at such a young age. you remember listening to your mother’s stories of how she and your father met and how it felt like the odds were in their favor and it seemed like the stars aligned when they first saw each other. 

“will i ever find my own soulmate, mommy?” you asked, your mother cooed at the wondered look in your eyes as she looked at you through the mirror. her hand in your hair, braiding it as you tried replicating it with your doll. 

“i’m sure the universe will give you somebody that you’ll love unconditionally.” your mother says, smiling softly at the sound of delight that left your childish frame. 

“i’m sure i’ll love them unconditionally, too!” your mother laughed, before launching off to a story of how she and your father came to be. 

you couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

to say that the wait felt like forever would be an understatement. the thought of meeting your soulmate one day has always plagued your mind. you never had crushes on the kids your age, you never accepted confessions from the guys in your class because you thought that meant betraying your soulmate. 

your best friend, reo, has always been supportive of your talks about your potential soulmate. he doesn’t care if you’ve already told him the future you had envisioned after meeting your soulmate, how you’d probably meet them in a cafe that you frequented, or maybe you’ll met them in a cliche setting where you trip and they catch you in their arms. 

reo has heard it all and he lets you repeat it whenever you feel the urge to, he was a year older than you, you were beside him on the night he gained his mark and now, he’s beside you as the two of you giddily sat on your bed, awaiting for the mark. 

“do you think it would be as pretty as yours?” you were excited, reo could tell as much as you were subtly shaking on your bed. 

“that’s subjective,” reo scoffed, carding his hands through his hair. “no soulmate mark can be prettier than mine.”

you pushed him off the bed, laughing at the glare he sends you. 

5 minutes. 

your eyes couldn’t stray away from the alarm on your phone, alerting you of what will happen in a few moments. 

“hey (y/n)...” reo started, you hummed, not even looking at him. “what if we were soulmates?” you make a face, causing reo to burst out laughing. 

“reo!” “i’m sorry, you should’ve seen the look on your face!” he laughed as you glared at him. “(n/n), i love you but i think that we’re too powerful to become soulmates.” you nodded in agreement, “definitely. the world would never handle us!”

you and reo shared a laugh before your phone vibrated a bit, 

30 seconds left.

“reo! oh my god.” you instinctively gripped your best friend's hand as you watched the seconds go down. 

20 seconds left. 

“reo… it’s happening.” you quietly squeal, body shaking in anticipation as you watch the number go down to fifteen, then ten. 

“five.” 

“four.” reo counts down with you. 

“three… two…” 

you hold your breath as the last second passes, your eyes automatically flitting to your wrist.

a gasp leaves your lips as you see a line forming at the middle of your wrist, stretching at the expanse of your skin. you watch with wonder as lines and patterns adorned the skin of your wrist, blending beautifully as the line ends, completing your mark. 

you looked at your wrist in awe. a smile slowly forming at your face as you carefully examine the intricate design. 

“reo!” you turned to your best friend who was looking at you with a big smile on his face. “oh my god, reo, look! it’s here!” you say, waving your wrist in front of him, the both of you laughing with glee. 

your plans of looking for your soulmates together was now coming to fruition.

“how does it feel to have a mark now, (n/n)?” reo laughs as he lets himself fall down on your bed. 

you smile, tracing the details with your fingers, only to let out a strained sound, immediately alerting your best friend. 

“it feels nice! but reo…” the purple haired male turns to look at you. “is it supposed to hurt…?” 

“what?” reo’s eyes widened. 

“my mark… it hurts.” you say, as you feel a scorching sensation of where your mark lay. it felt like the mark was being traced by a sharp blade as you closed your eyes and clutched your wrist, whimpering at the pain. 

“reo… why does it hurt?!” you ask, reo was panicking alongside you. it didn’t hurt when he got his mark, so he couldn’t answer you. 

“i-i don’t know… mine didn’t hurt when i got it!” “reo… it burns.”

tears filled up your closed eyelids as you clutched your wrist tighter, it was excruciating. it felt as if you were being punished for reasons you didn’t know of. 

“(y/n)...” reo said quietly, barely above a whisper. as if he were scared to startle a sleeping bear. 

“your mark… it’s turning black.” what?  

your eyes opened immediately, eyes trained on the mark that used to be a pristine white, darken as seconds passed by. 

“reo, what’s happening?” you panic. “reo, please, make it stop… what’s happening?!” you cried, helpless, to your best friend who didn’t know what to do.

you kept repeating those words until you let out a scream, alerting your mother who was downstairs. 

the mark burned, it felt like you were being sliced open as the pain of your mark dissipates. realization sinks in as you look at the now darkened wrist. 

you didn’t have a soulmate. 

your mother bursts through the door, eyes filled with worry which turns into shock once she sees you being cradled by your best friend, your hand protectively on your burning wrist, the pain feeling as if it were a newly put out flame, with the embers haunting you. 

your mother sees the darkened mark and feels tears build up her eyes as she walks closer to you, letting out a sob alongside you who clung to her while reo patted your back comfortingly.

in a world where a white mark means that you have not met yet, a golden one indicating that you are now connected and a gray one meaning that they have died. 

the universe was cruel enough to give you a black one. meaning, your soulmate didn’t exist. 

your mother curses the stars above as you wept for the soulmate you never had. 

life goes on, it has to. you were now twenty-one, working in a cafe near your university. no longer do you weep for the life you fantasized when you were a child. the permanent mark on your wrist was a reminder that you will never find the one destined for you, but that was fine. you’ve gotten over it. 

or so, you convince yourself. 

reo met his soulmate at the age of eighteen, his name was nagi seishiro and when you were first introduced to him, the longing for a soulmate sparked once more. 

your best friend described meeting his soulmate like sparks flew as a buzzing sensation was felt throughout the mark on his wrist and it got progressively intense when they neared each other. reo said that it was one of the few times he ever saw nagi run, and it was to him. 

you couldn’t help but be envious of how reo’s mark that used to be white was now a shining shade of gold, nagi’s wrist matching the same shade as they held hands. when you saw how nagi looked at reo when he went off on a tangent on the most random topics, you couldn’t help but think if there would be someone who’d look at you the way nagi looked at reo. 

when reo suggested putting yourself out there in the market, you almost wanted to scoff at him. 

it seemed pathetic to try finding people who didn’t have anyone fated to them. it seemed desperate to look at people’s wrist and wonder which shade of gold would display on their skin, who would pair well with the person with the white wrist walking by the street and how did the stranger with the gray mark lose their beloved. 

but still, as much as you tucked that hopeless romantic feeling that your inner child kept trying to push out desperately, you think you’d give love another shot.so, with a sigh and a nod, you let reo set you up with acquaintances he knew. 

it took years of blind dating to finally settle with reo’s friend’s friend. his name was karasu tabito, and you think that you like him more than you intended. 

when you first met him, your eyes immediately flitted to his wrist, it was white. you didn’t know why he’d bother going on blind dates when clearly, there was someone waiting for him. but then again, maybe he had a bit of hope that he could accidentally be matched with his soulmate. 

on the second date, you couldn’t help but ask why he even bothered, clearly you weren’t his soulmate. he only waved it off with a laugh, saying that he didn’t care what the universe says. he’d date who he wanted to, a stupid mark shouldn’t get in the way of finding someone. 

and from that on, you and karasu clicked, even going as far as asking you to move in with him after the sixth month of dating. 

life was good, you were in a steady relationship with karasu and neither of you could care any less that you weren’t each others’ soulmates. 

“baby, i’ll be back before dinner. don’t miss me too much.” karasu winked you rolled your eyes as he pecked your forehead. 

“i can’t believe my boyfriend is going out on the day of our seventh month.” you tut playfully. “oh baby, ‘yer killing me.” karasu said as he snakes his arms around your waist, placing a short kiss on your neck, nibbling on it.

“just go.” you say laughing as he faux pouted when you pushed him out your apartment door, closing it in his face, laughing harder you hear his muffled voice yell at you playfully through the door before his footsteps receded.

you think you love karasu. you loved how he’s shown you nothing but utmost loyalty and gave you the love you deserved. how your hand awkwardly fit through his whenever he intertwined it with yours. how he’s made you feel like the only girl in the world and you’re the only one that mattered. 

and nine months in, you still find yourself falling for the ravenette.

hours passed and you decided to get started on dinner. you planned on making karasu’s favorite, in celebration of the nine months the both of you got together. you were so caught up in chopping the vegetables that you didn’t see your phone vibrating. 

once you finished preparing dinner, you checked your phone. eyes softening upon the sight of karasu’s contact name. but that didn’t last long as you felt uneasy upon reading his message. 

something came up, i’ll be late. 

you shook your head, mentally scolding yourself for assuming the worst as you opened the tv of your apartment, trying to rid your mind of your boyfriend’s texts. 

you weren’t sure how long you’ve been staring at the screen, trying to make sense of the series that you’ve already watched one too many times. 

karasu still wasn’t here. it’s been three hours since his last text and he hasn’t responded to any of your follow ups. 

you didn’t want to seem pushy, but the food was getting cold and you were worried that something had happened to your boyfriend. it was unlike karasu to not message, he usually manages to send a quick text no matter how busy he is. your thoughts were clouding your mind, the moving images on screen were now seeming like a blur of random colors and sounds.

you perk up once you hear the door of your apartment make a sound, the jingling of keys is loud as you watch the door open, your boyfriend entering with a blank look on his face. 

“tabito… you’re late–” “i texted you.” he cut you off stiffly, not meeting your eyes as he tightened the scarf he was wearing. 

a scarf that you didn’t remember him leaving with. 

“right…” you say, trying not to alarm him. you didn’t know why he was acting like this. he left the apartment in good spirits a while ago. maybe it was work?

“uh… i’ll go heat up dinner.” you say, awkwardly walking around him to get to the kitchen. 

“we need to talk.” you freeze, your back was turned to his, so was he. you turned your head to see him with his head down and from the way his body was postured, you can see him fiddling with his thumbs, a telltale sign that he was nervous.

“okay.”

dinner was the dictionary definition of tense, and you couldn’t pinpoint why. you could barely taste the food that you made as you watched karasu push the pieces of meat on his plate, occasionally shoveling small bites.

“are you– is the food good?” you asked, trying to make a conversation and break the tense silence that was deafening. he gave you a small forced smile as he nodded.

“yeah.” 

then that was it. 

dinner consisted of you trying to talk to your boyfriend who was giving clipped answers, you wanted to question why the hell he was wearing a scarf and a jacket in your warm apartment and where did he even get it. those weren’t the clothes that he left with. 

now that you think about it, he barely made eye contact with you when he got home. 

“tobi… did something happ–” “i met my soulmate.” the world felt like it stopped. it felt like cotton was being shoved into your ears as your heart erratically beat in your chest, as if it were trying to escape its confines as karasu’s words echoed in your head. 

“w-what?” “my soulmate.” karasu finally looks you in the eyes, “i met her.” 

“oh.” you gulped, not exactly knowing the right words to say. 

“i…” “can i see the mark?” karasu was thrown off by your question, the long sleeve he was wearing was now raised to his forearms, showing you the golden mark. 

you felt numb. you didn’t know what to say nor do as you looked up to see karasu guiltily looking at you. however, your eyes couldn’t help but flit down to the loosened scarf, widening once you saw the bruised skin of his neck. 

you wordlessly yanked the cloth off, karasu immediately covering his neck with the marked forearm as you backed a few steps away.

“t-tobi…” “i-i’m sorry.” karasu says quietly. “something happened between us. i didn’t mean for it to turn out like this.”

“clearly someone did.” you scoffed, feeling rage fill your body. “you couldn’t keep it in your pants until you broke it off with me, huh?” 

karasu took offense to that, it was clear that he did as he slammed his fist on the table, startling you. 

“i told you, i didn’t mean for it to happen!” “but it did!” you say, feeling frustrated tears build up. 

“i would’ve understood that you would leave me for your soulmate, i don’t stand a chance against the universe, tobito!” you say, throwing your hands up in the air and letting the angry tears roll down. 

“but couldn’t you have at least broke it off before you fucked her? was our relationship just not important to you that you’d immediately drop me because you met her?” you ranted, not paying attention to the way karasu’s hands balled into fists. 

“you’re making a big deal out of this.” karasu said with clenched teeth. “we both knew that this relationship wouldn’t have lasted.”

“i never thought abo–-” 

“how the fuck is it my fault if my soulmate managed to make me happy in the few hours i met her compared to the months i spent with you?” he cut you off and the next sound the both of you heard was your palm meeting his cheek 

“fuck you, karasu tabito.” 

the ache in your chest worsens as you see karasu turn his back to you as he leaves the room. 

“i’m over this.”

you were twenty-one when you felt your second heartbreak, twenty-one when you told yourself that maybe love just wasn’t for you. 

“come on, (y/n), take a break.” reo whines as you type in your laptop, finishing up a document due tonight. 

you were now twenty three. it’s been a year, eight months and 21 days since karasu broke your heart and left nothing of it. not that you were keeping count. 

“reo, you know i can’t. not everyone is a ceo-in-line with a malewife.” you mumble, causing reo to laugh out loud at your retort. 

“i’ll have you know, nagi is now trying to look for jobs outside the subsidiary company of mikage corporations..” “emphasis on trying, reo.” you roll your eyes, knowing the lazy tendencies that nagi had. it’s been like that for the years that you’ve known him and clearly, reo was more than happy to provide for him.

“give him some credit.” reo pouted before smiling fondly at the thought of his snowy haired soulmate. 

“what a simp.” you mutter playfully, only to feel a balled up piece of paper hit your forehead, it was the paper that encapsulated the straw for reo’s drink. 

“jerk.” “no, you.” reo said as he stuck out his tongue and placed his lips on the drink, sipping his iced beverage. 

“... so–” 

“no, reo.” 

“i didn’t even say anything yet!”

 “we all know where this is going, reo. you’re going to try setting me up with someone… again.”

“hey!” you give reo a look as you stopped typing on your laptop. “no i won’t.” you quirk a brow at the purple haired male. 

“i won’t!” reo reiterated, raising his hands in defense. “oka–” “but nagi will!”

“huh?”

“hey, (y/n).” you don’t know if you could call it comedic timing as you jumped a bit after hearing nagi’s voice. the snowy haired male plopping down the seat beside his lover.

“go on a date with my coworker.” 

“no.” 

nagi turns to his soulmate, “sorry, baby, i tried.” “nagi!” 

the snowy haired male sighed before turning to you once more. “please?” 

“no.” “reo, she said no.” 

reo gives him a sarcastic smile, “i know, love. i can hear her from here.” the purple haired male sighs as nagi plops his head on reo’s shoulders. 

“hey… (y/n).” nagi calls out and you look at him with an inquiring brow. 

“remember that favor you owed me?” your eyes widened, and nagi knew that he had you. 

“nagi…” “what favor?” reo was confused as he looked between the two of you. you shook your head at nagi who gave you a small smirk in return. 

“go on a date with my coworker.” nagi repeats, a daring look in his eye, something in you tells you that if you said no once more, he’d make you regret it so with a sigh, you mumbled a bitter “fine.”

nagi gave a hum and a nod in response, making himself even more comfortable on reo’s shoulder. 

“nagi, my love?” “hm?” “what was the favor?”

“nagi don–” “remember when we were in freshman college and your tub in the bathroom was suddenly stained purple?” reo nods and you want to disappear.

“well, that was (y/n). i don’t know what she did but i took the blame for it.” reo’s eyes widened. “was this the one where i ignored you for a week?” nagi nods, pouting slightly and reo couldn’t help but lean a small peck to his lover’s lips. 

you wanted to retort but reo looked at you with a mischievous grin. 

“well, now you have to go on two dates with him!” 

you sigh, knowing that you would have to make yourself look presentable for whenever the date would be. 

your phone suddenly vibrated on the table after a few minutes of conversation with the couple. 

“shit, i have to go!” you say as you gather your things in your bag, looking over at your best friend, he gives you a nod and helps you pack up your things. 

“a work meeting, right?” you nod, standing up once all your things are gathered. “i’ll see you soon, reo, nagi!”

“text me when you get there!” reo yells as you nod and wave them off before running out the door. 

you only had ten minutes to arrive at the office, you were supposed to leave earlier but the conversation between the three of you flowed so naturally that you reached your final alarm. 

your legs were trying to pick up its pace, not noticing the man who was running as well, intercepting you and causing you to fall on your bottom. 

“watch where you’re going.” the man said as he glared down at you. you couldn’t help but stand up and glare right back, right into his piercing turquoise orbs. 

“i could say the same thing, asshole.” it was a pity, really, he was tall, had dark hair and was really handsome.

but he was a total jerk. 

you can see him roll his eyes at you before turning away, “your files are on the ground, better get to it.” he muttered before walking away. “fucking klutz.” 

your fist clenched, wanting to give the man a piece of your mind but you were already running late. you hastily grabbed your files before taking off once more, hoping that you wouldn’t be late. 

the odds weren’t in your favor and you ended up having to explain yourself to your boss.

oh how much you wanted to punch that jerk of a stranger. 

“no, because, reo, if you were in my position, what would you have done?” you say as you ranted, putting on your cardigan and fluffing your hair in front of the vanity mirror. reo was on his phone as he laid down on your bed. 

“i think i would’ve been sued for punching him.” reo mumbles absentmindedly. “exactly!” you slammed your hands on the dresser, causing reo to look startled. 

“god, i can’t believe he couldn’t even have the decency to help me! it’s not like it was only my fault that i bumped into him? can you believe that?” 

reo only laughs at your frustration before standing up and heading over to you. 

“alright, (n/n), you’ve let it all out, now it’s time to make you prettier for the date.” reo says as he sits you down in front of the mirror. 

“let’s make him fall in love at first sight.” he winks. 

“now, we can’t have you looking all grouchy for your date, right? that isn’t popular with men.”

“fuck men.” you retorted, causing reo to laugh before he helped you apply your make-up. 

“i have a feeling you’d like this one.” 

to say that you were nervous to meet this mystery man would be an understatement, this is the first date you’re going to ever since… him but you had little to no hope, you didn’t want to assume and get hurt in the long run so with a deep breath, you opened the door of reo’s car and got in.

“are you nervous?”  your best friend asks as he drives to the location nagi sent him. 

“a little?” you say honestly, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten out there and put yourself in the market, so to suddenly be thrown into a blind date was nerve wracking. 

“don’t worry, it’s nagi’s friend. i don’t think nagi would refer you to an asshole.” you gave him an incredulous look as he turned the corner. 

“wasn’t it nagi who introduced karasu?” “karasu was a friend of a friend, that doesn’t count.” reo defends. 

you and reo bickered over your bad taste in men and their terrible skills at setting you up with men on the way to the restaurant, you knew that once you leave the car, the nerves would take over once more so you do your best to not let it show to your best friend. 

“we’re here.” he says as he turns off the engine, causing you to give him a puzzled look. 

“me and nagi aren’t going to leave you alone for your first date so you can rest easy, think of it as a double date!” reo beams as he exits the car with you following right after. 

reo immediately came to your side and linked your arms together before walking towards the entrance. 

“reservation under mikage.” he tells the hosts who welcomes the both of you with a smile, leading you to the private room that reo reserved. 

once the two of you stopped by the door, reo unlatched his arms from yours and held both of your shoulders. 

“alright, we’ll give this a chance, okay? he might seem… a bit closed off… but i think you can open his cold heart.”  you raise a brow at him. 

“and you’re telling me this… seconds away from meeting him, because?” “i forgot to mention it.” reo shrugs.

“reo–” you were cut off by reo opening the door, pushing you inside, you had to regain your bearings as you were caught off balance. 

“so… (y/n).” you hear nagi say, “meet rin.” your eyes flit towards the man who sat beside nagi, eyes widening as you see equally shocked turquoise eyes staring right back at you. 

“you—” “so, being a klutz just comes naturally, huh?” he interrupts you, you stood up glared right at him, wanting nothing more but to suffocate him with the napkin that was folded like a swan by the table. 

“uh…” you hear reo ask quietly from behind. “do you… know each other?” 

“no.” “yes!” rin quirks a brow at your aggression. “this is the asshole i’ve been telling you about!” 

reo’s eyes widened as he let out a loud “oh.” 

“why are you here?” you asked the tall male who quirks yet another brow at you, one more quirk as a response and you were about to shave his goddamn brows off. 

“nagi invited me.” “don’t tell me…” you turn to look at reo and nagi who were suddenly by the door. 

“this reminds me, i have to talk to the manager of this place, my father told me that there will be a partnership between our corporation and theirs so… nagi, come on, let’s go!” reo said, pulling his lover outside the door, the tall lanky male following with no question. 

you sighed, this “double date” was already not going the way anyone expected. 

“so.” you hear rin say after a few seconds of silence. “do i get a name?” 

you gave him a grimace, as if you couldn’t believe what he was saying. “you’re kidding, right?”

“i’m not.” he rolled his eyes, “is my impression that bad that you won’t even give this date a chance?” 

now that you think about it… wait. was he trying to gaslight you? 

“i don’t even know you.” you say, “that’s the only impression i have so i don’t think you can blame me for not wanting to be in the same room.”

you scoff, feeling a bit bad for the way you were responding. god damn it, his gaslight was working.

“...fine.” you relented. “just this once.” 

rin says nothing as he pulls out your seat for you, pushing you towards the table once you sit down. 

once the both of you ordered, silence took over the room and you wished that reo would stop acting like he’s doing anything important and come back to get rid of the awkward tension. 

“so…” you begin. “you didn’t answer my question earlier.” rin cuts you off, you gave him a confused stare. 

“does being a klutz come naturally?” your hand twitched as you adjusted the napkin on your lap. 

“are you just trying to pick a fight?” you responded, “you can’t answer a question with a question.” he evaded your question smoothly. 

“no. i’m not a klutz-” you roll your eyes, “you just happened to be in the way!” 

“and you were so mean about it too! what was that about?” you couldn’t help but question him. 

“i… it wasn’t a good day for me. sorry.” your eyes widened at his sudden apology, “if you apologize like that, then it’s weird for me to not accept it.” you say, an unconscious pout on your face. 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but… how about we start with a fresh slate?” rin says, straightening up in his seat when he sees you nod hesitantly. 

“great.” he says before putting out his hand. “itoshi rin.” he introduces himself. 

“really?” you teasingly looked at his hand. “you’re offering a handshake on the first date?” 

“would you rather i kiss you instead?” rin rebuts, your eyes widened and that seemed to incite a chuckle out of the male in front of you. “so, your name?”

“(y/n)(l/n).” you begrudgingly replied, placing your hand in his in a firm shake. 

“it’s nice to meet you.”

when reo and nagi comes back, they were half-expecting to return to the room with table sheets thrown and glasses broken, maybe even food stain on your clothes so when they pushed the door open and see rin smiling out of all expressions, it’s safe to say that they were bewildered. 

“oh, reo. nice of you to come back.” you say, smiling sarcastically at him before stabbing the piece of meat on your plate, your knife in hand postured in a very questionable angle.

reo gulped, knowing that you were aware that he made up such a dumb lie to leave you and rin alone, but he thinks that he’s done a good job, even if you were currently glaring daggers at him. 

“oh, rin, you’ve met (y/n)?” nagi said as he sat beside him once more, you and rin blinked in confusion, from the corner of your eyes, you could see reo slap a palm on his forehead. 

he knew that he told nagi to act stupid, but not that stupid. 

“yeah… you kinda… left us no choice.” you answered for rin. 

“so,” reo interrupts as he sits next to you, across from nagi. 

“you enjoying the food so far?”

dinner ends with the four of you drinking wine and sharing stories as if you were old-time friends. the previously tense and awkward atmosphere disappears and the night ends with laughter. 

when it was time for the four of you to leave, reo pulled you aside. 

“is it okay if rin drives you home?” “what?” you were bewildered, sure you and rin were somewhat decent tonight but you don’t really trust him enough to know your location. 

“please? nagi drank too much and you know how he is when he’s drunk…” reo said as he clasps his hands on your right one, silently begging for you to say yes. 

“why can’t i just ride with the two of you then?” “well…” “don’t answer that, use protection.” reo smirked before pleading once more. 

“come on! i’ll sponsor your first official date with rin!” “wha–” “i’ll even buy you whatever you want for a week, just say yes!”

“a month.” “fine, now let’s go before nagi throws a drunken fit.” reo hits your shoulder playfully as the two of you reunite with nagi and rin.

rin was supporting nagi’s weight, grunting whenever nagi leaned further on him. 

“for such a big guy, you’d think he wouldn’t be a lightweight.” rin complained to reo who immediately latched his arms around his lover’s waist, taking off the weight on his coworker. 

“you better make sure that you take my bestie home safe, itoshi.” reo warns as he pokes an accusing finger on rin’s chest while supporting a drunk nagi with his free arm. 

“whatever.” rin rolls his eyes lightheartedly as the couple walks off after reo hugs you goodbye– extendedly, nagi too. 

when the two finally left your sights, you turned to rin with a bow. 

“it was great meeting you, but it’s fine, i can take a cab somewhe–” “don’t be ridiculous. it’s late. and mikage entrusted me with bringing you home.” rin interrupts you as he guides you to the parking lot. 

“besides, i don’t mind.” rin says as he opens the passenger seat for you. 

you looked at the open door skeptically. “how do i ensure that you’re not plotting my murder?”

rin rolls his eyes. “if i truly did want to murder you, i had the perfect opportunity back at dinner with the number of steak knives there were.” 

“a steak knife…? how do you even come to that thought?” rin shrugs, “i watch a lot of horror movies, now get in.” with a small mutter of how you still doubt if he was a murderer, you comply and for the third time of the night, he rolls his eyes at you.

once he closes your door, he walks right over to the driver’s seat and situates himself inside, starting the engine once you give him the directions to your apartment. 

“apartment, huh? you don’t live with your parents?” rin asks as he drives along the highway. you shake your head. “no, i moved out when i was 21.” to live with someone who broke my heart. “it was odd at first, but i’ve gotten used to it.” you reply. 

“got any siblings?” you asked, you hear him scoff as he turns the corner. “what is this? twenty-one questions?” 

“you started it!” you huffed, pouting unconsciously. “just answer, you’re such a–” “i have an older brother.” he interrupts you before you could insult him once more. 

“oh? are you close?” rin let out a breath through his nose before replying with a curt “not really.” 

you wanted to ask more, but you knew that it was not the time and place for it, you immediately diverted the topic by asking another question. 

“how do you know nagi?” rin sighs as he stops at a red light, his fingers tapping the steering wheel lightly. “our department got reshuffled and he was assigned to sit next to me. i think we bonded over soccer as a hobby and it just went from there?” rin tries to recall, you hum in understanding. 

“aren’t these the types of questions we should’ve been having back at dinner?” rin scoffs. “i’m not sure if you realized, but you resented me before we talked about mikage’s dumb tactic to get us alone.”

the rest of the drive was filled with natural conversation, you think that talking to him was fun, you even went ahead and shared the gossip that was circling around your workplace. 

“and then, i swear hina told me that– oh, we’re here.” you quiet down once you noticed that the car had slowed down. 

“hm? hina said what?” you smirked playfully. “guess you’ll never know.” you say as you unbuckle the seatbelt. 

rin rose a brow at you before he took his phone from the middle console. “better text me what happens then.” you tilt your head to the side, looking at the phone in his hand with a teasing glance. 

“couldn’t get enough of me already?” rin scoffed. “i just want to know what hina said after hanagaki mixed up all her documents and got her into trouble.” he shrugs. you smirked. “okay, sure. if you say so.” you say, punching in your number in his phone, sending yourself an emoji. 

“thank you for bringing me home, itoshi-kun.” he only gives a nod in response. “be safe on your way home!” 

rin nods once more before he drives off, not before reminding you to finish your gossip through text. with a short laugh, you opened your messages and continued the story, an unconscious smile on your face. 

you: there was a lot of screaming in the printing room, but we weren’t so sure if it was because of rage.

the next time you hear from rin, it was three days later with him asking you out on a formal date. 

you: what took you so long to ask me out?

itoshi rin: had to gather courage

you: for what?

itoshi rin: had to make sure that you were interested

you: was me giving my number not enough proof for you? 

itoshi rin: so is that a yes

you: to where

itoshi rin: i honestly don't know. i didn't think i'd get this far. 

you: rin 😭 yes. but i'll decide where :D

itoshi rin: that's sketchy… sure. go wild.

you: got it ;D

when rin itoshi said to go wild, he didn’t mean to pick out the most expensive restaurant in the city. he was sitting in front of you, eyes staring blankly at the unpriced beef in the menu, not even knowing what to order. you looked back at him with a laugh. 

“itoshi…” he looks up at you, you smile menacingly before whipping out reo’s black card. 

“let’s go wild.” you winked and you could’ve sworn there was a spark that flickered in rin’s eyes. 

“did you just pick that up somewhere?”

“no, it’s reo’s.” 

“say less.” 

sometimes the rich need to be given a run for their money. 

so with money out of the question, the both of you splurged on your date, even going as far as reo calling you middate to ask what the actual hell you were doing with his card.

you couldn’t remember a time when you laughed so hard in your life.

one date turned to three, then five, then the next thing rin knew, the two of you were drunkenly– well at least you were, walking on the street after having spent time in a nightclub. 

rin sighed as he watched you almost stumble at your feet, if it weren’t for his hand that latched onto your waist to stabilize you. 

“let’s go and get you home, (y/n).” he says as he walks with you to the corner of the street, hoping to hail a cab. you pull away as you recognize your surroundings. 

“rin,” you slur, a drunken smile on your face as you look into his eyes. “i don’t want the night to end yet.” rin raises a brow at you. “it’s two am.” “who cares? let’s go somewhere, i know a place!” you beamed and really, 

how could rin say no? 

out of all the places he expected you to take him to, he wasn’t expecting a closed park. it was old, clearly mismanaged as he takes in the rusty swings and distorted slides, but it seemed that you didn’t care as you pull him by his hand towards the swings, immediately sitting on it. 

“push me.” you say as rin only shakes his head softly at you, doing as you say. 

when the swing rises up, you couldn’t help the giggle you let out as the cold night air hits your face. rin smiles at the way your laughter permeates the otherwise quiet park. 

once you had enough, rin sits on the swing beside you, he was too tall for the swing so he stretched his legs a bit as he watched how your swing slowly skids to a stop, causing you to rock the swing in calmer motions. 

“having fun there?” he asked with a small quirk of his lips. you leaned your head on the cold metal chains as you nodded with a hum, eyes closed and a smile on your face. 

“did you know?” you asked after a few seconds of silence. your companion hummed questioningly at your query. 

“this was the park where me and reo met.” you start. “i think i was crying because some boy pulled my hair and kicked the castle i was making in the sandbox and then reo yelled at him.” you recall, thinking about the snotty-nosed kid that you never saw again. 

“is that the start of your friendship?” rin indulges your drunken reminiscing, you smiled at the memory before nodding. “reo’s like an older brother to me. the brother i never had…” 

“he’s always been there ever since… he’s the first person i call when i need someone, he’s the first person to know anything and everything… and.” you take a pause as you intake a deep breath. 

“he’s the one i was with when i turned sixteen.” you say, unconsciously rubbing the black mark on your wrist. rin’s eyes flit downward to your wrist before looking at his own. 

“i’m sorry. for what happened to you.” you shook your head, “it’s all in the past now.” with the way you were talking, rin assumed that you were sobering up. 

“you know… the topic never came up because i trusted nagi and reo to not set me up with someone who found their soulmate, but… what about yours?” you say as you look at him with bleary eyes, not noticing the way he gulps. 

“dead.” 

“oh, shit. i’m sorry–” 

“don’t be. it’s all in the past now.” rin says, repeating your words from earlier. 

“do you…uh.” you try finding the words to say. “do you wanna talk about it?” rin shakes his head as he softly caresses the darkened mark. 

“i’m not ready.” you nod understandingly before trying to divert the topic, “remember the first time i rode in your car?” rin nods at the memory. 

“are you close with your family? i’ve never really asked that. all i know is that you’re not on good terms with your brother.” 

rin sighs as he rocked the swing with the heels of his shoes, gently swaying as the night air tussles his hair softly. 

“there’s just some unresolved things that happened between me and sae-nii.” he said, name dropping the said older brother. “but i am close with my family in general, i don’t see them often though.” you hum out a reply as you look up to the nightsky that was littered with stars. 

“the sky looks so beautiful at this time of night.” you say mindlessly. rin stares up at the sky then at you. “so does the moon.” you scoff lightly, not understanding the hidden meaning behind his words as you gripped the metal chains of the swing. 

“ah, this place is my happy place.” you say, eyes closed as you tilted your body back. “it’s such a shame that it won’t last for long.” a sad smile forms on your face as you sit upright once more. silence overtaking the two of you before you broke it.

“can i say something dumb?” rin looks at you, a small smirk on his face. “you usually never ask when you do. the amount of questionable things i’ve heard from you is concerning.” 

“oh shut up.” you laughed as you leaned over and pushed him by the chain of his swing. “just say yes or no.”

“go ahead.” you grunted, not liking how he didn’t follow the options you gave him. you breathe in a deep breath. you weren’t sure what suddenly gave you the confidence, maybe it was the fact that you were still slightly tipsy, or maybe it was the way rin told you more about himself and let himself be vulnerable with you. 

“i think i like you.” you say, just loud enough for him to hear. you hear the rustling of the swing chains stop as he stills. you looked down, knowing right then and there that you’ve probably ruined a great friendship. 

you gave yourself a bitter smile before raising your head up once more, preparing to play it off as a joke. but before you could do, you feel his hand on your cheek as he turns your face towards his and presses his lips to yours. 

a surprised noise escapes your lips as your eyes widen. it took you a split second to kiss back as you closed your eyes and your hand cups his hand on your cheek. the kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to leave you in a daze, twin blushes on your faces as you pulled away. 

to say that the kiss felt leagues different than when you kissed karasu would’ve been an understatement. 

rin’s kiss conveyed the words he couldn’t say out loud. i like you too. 

“be mine.” rin whispered, afraid of breaking the atmosphere the both of you created. your thumb brushes against his fingers as a small smile spreads on your face. 

“gladly.” you whispered back as rin pulled you into another kiss. you felt happy. 

the fact that rin was now yours clouded your mind and numbed your body with ecstasy, paying no mind to your soulmate mark that throbbed defiantly. 

maybe it was the universe giving you a second chance. 

breaking the news to reo was something you didn’t want to do. you didn’t want to be subjected by his ‘i told you so’s and his ‘aren’t you glad i played matchmaker?’ – even if technically, it was nagi who set the both of you up but reo would argue that a soulmate is just one person split into two. 

“i’m happy.” was all reo said once you told him, with rin holding your hand in his lightly. nagi was right beside reo as his eyes lightened up a bit. nagi didn’t say anything, but with the nod of acknowledgement he sent to his coworker, he didn’t need to say anything more. 

“hey, rin.” your now boyfriend looks at your best friend as the purple haired male looks at him sternly. “you better take care of her.” 

rin breathed out before he replied with little to no effort. 

“i don’t ever see the day where i won’t.” his hand squeezes your tighter once he hears nagi snort. “i don’t think i’ve ever heard rin say something so cringe.”

rin rolls his eyes at his coworker as they bickered over, you and reo only watched with amused gazes as they went back and forth. 

“so,” reo turned to you with a toothy grin on his face, an expression you loathed on him because it made him smug. 

“what?” you sighed, exasperated. 

“i told you so.” he winked, you rolled your eyes. “reo, shut the fuck up.” before pushing him and letting out a laugh.

reo couldn’t help but see the way rin’s eyes darted over to you and a soft expression taking over his face when he heard you laugh. 

reo thinks that maybe, the stars were finally aligning to your favor. 

you were happy. to say that you and rin have been together for a year with no effort would be a lie. there were times that you and rin fought, to the brink of breaking up but your love for him surpassed the struggles that came your way and now, the two of you are about to celebrate a year and three months of being together. 

you think it’s finally the time to tell him that you loved him. 

you’ve always withheld those three words, fearing for the time where your partner will leave for their real soulmate. you thought about the time where karasu made you feel loved. but this was different, rin was different.

he didn’t have a soulmate, he didn’t have anyone who was waiting for him, he didn’t make you feel like you were some kind of plaything. the respect and adoration he showed you had no bounds. 

you think this is what a soulmate is supposed to feel like.  

the door opens to his apartment, he had invited you beforehand and cursed when he was called back into work, saying that a coworker had mixed up the files and it needed to be submitted asap, so rin cursed before apologizing, wanting to get the job done as soon as possible. 

your boyfriend gave you a kiss before assuring you that he would be back as soon as he can. 

rin paid no mind to the way it felt like his left wrist numbed in pain.

he doesn’t understand when it happened. 

for the first five months of his relationship with you, it felt like his mark didn’t exist. it felt like it was merely a gray mark that stained his skin. but when the tenth mark of your relationship, the thought of you made his mark burn. 

the first time rin felt it, he felt like his entire body was burning. he couldn’t help but hiss in pain in the confines of his own apartment. he didn’t understand where it was coming from, maybe it was because he slept in the wrong position? he didn’t know. 

all he knew is that the thought of loving you burned. 

he decides that he’d love you in silence, never uttering those three little words out loud, fearing for what could possibly happen when he does so. 

so now, seeing you look at him in a lovestruck expression, he couldn’t help but fear the words that will come out of your mouth. 

rin watches as you breathe in a deep breath, mentally preparing your entire body to say the words you’ve been meaning to say to the olive haired male. 

“rin… i lo–” you were interrupted with rin’s lips meeting yours. you let out a surprised noise but reciprocated nonetheless. you could feel rin try to pull you closer to him as you wrapped your arms around him. 

you pull away slightly. “i lo–” he pressed his lips back hastily, more aggressively. as if he were trying to swallow your words whole, his tongue immediately intermingling with yours as you try pulling away once more. 

what the fuck has gotten into him?

“r-rin.” “stop talking.” rin says as he latches once more. you gripped his hair and pulled him away from you, eyes meeting his clouded ones. 

“i love you.” you feel his body sag a bit as he bites his bottom lip. 

“you can’t.” 

huh? 

you froze, unknowingly verbalizing your confusion. 

rin swallows, as if he were struggling to breathe. 

“you can’t love me. we’re not soulmates.” he mutters, pulling away completely for you. 

you were speechless. your hands were getting clammy and you couldn’t find the right words to say as rin turned his back to you. 

“w-why does that matter now…? rin… hey.” you walked up to his back to turn him around only for him not to meet your eyes. 

“tell me–”  “i can’t… love you when all i see is her.” you froze, heart beating uncomfortably in your chest as you desperately tried to meet the eyes that stayed on the ground. 

“what…” “can’t you get it, (y/n)? i can’t do this. i can’t say that i love you when all i can see is the ghost of my dead soulmate whenever i look at you!” rin let out. 

you gasped at his words, your throat feeling uncomfortable and your hands felt clammy. 

rin didn’t kiss you because he reciprocated your feelings. 

rin kissed you because he wanted to stop you from telling him. because he knows he can’t say it back. 

rin didn’t love you. he loved the ghost of the dead soulmate he saw in you. 

it was as if hell froze over, you couldn’t breathe. rin finally looks up to you with deep regret in his eyes. 

“i’m so sorry.” rin says, barely over a whisper as he looks down once more, not knowing how to face the look of brokenness on your face. 

“so…” you start, wincing at the crack of your voice. “a-all of this… what exactly is it?”

“hey… rin.” tears were blurring your vision as your voice gets heavier, “tell me. was that all i am to you? a replacement?” your heart burned. 

rin stayed quiet, his mind conflicted. he doesn’t know what to say. all he knows is that he can feel his heart breaking at the sight of the tears building up in your eyes. 

“say something!” he flinches at the yell you let out, angry tears are now cascading down your cheeks and he wants to wipe it away, oh so desperately. 

but he can’t. 

he can’t go against the universe. 

all he can do is watch as you hiccup, trying to demand answers from him. 

“tell me!” 

“i don’t love you.” he says, swallowing down the guilt he feels. his mind battles over itself, he desperately wants to retract everything he said. every lie he’s uttered and every word he’s ever said for you to look like that. 

you’re crying… because of him.

and he hated that. 

but this was for the best. he swears that it was for the best. 

“i’m so–” “don’t.” rin watched as you interrupted him, face now devoid of emotions as you let reality sink in. 

it was as if the universe just loved to play with you.

“go screw yourself in hell, itoshi.” you say, turning around and slamming the apartment doors closed after leaving. 

once the male heard the door slam close, he couldn’t help but slide against the wall of his apartment, it was as if the sound finally snapped him out of his facade as tears lined up on his bottom lashes. 

what the hell was he so afraid of? 

when rin heard you profess your love for him, it was like his breath was stolen. 

he wanted to scream on how he loved you more and your existence brought the missing spark in his eyes. but he didn’t. he couldn’t. 

the ghost of his old soulmate still haunts him to this day.

but until when? until when will he let the ghost of his past haunt him. until when will he stop himself from finding his true happiness? 

rin didn’t know the answer until a few minutes ago. or was it hours? he didn’t know how long he’s been crying himself to exhaustion as he ruins another good thing in his life. 

the reality dawns upon him as he looks at his phone, already planning on texting you. 

2:49am. god knows how dangerous it is out there for you. 

and rin wasn’t about to keep fucking up. 

so be it if you’d rather not see him, if you’d rather not have anything to do with him after this night. all he wants for you is to be back in the comfort of his four walls and safe. he’d go out of his way to book a hotel for himself for the night if you’d not even let him sleep on the couch. he doesn’t care. 

all he wants is for you to be within his sight again. 

so with a quick grab to his coat, he ran out of the apartment complex in search of you.

he doesn’t know how long it’s been since he ran, you couldn’t have gone that far, right? he searched nearby convenience stores, but had no luck. he tried calling your phone over and over, but no answer. 

rin felt pathetic. he felt helpless. 

~

“the sky looks so beautiful at this time of night.” you say mindlessly. rin stares up at the sky then at you. “so does the moon.” you scoff lightly, not understanding the hidden meaning behind his words as you gripped the metal chains of the swing. 

“ah, this place is my happy place.” you say, eyes closed as you tilted your body back. “it’s such a shame that it won’t last for long.” a sad smile forms on your face as you sit upright once more. silence overtaking the two of you before you broke it.

“can i say something dumb?” rin looks at you, a small smirk on his face. “you usually never ask when you do. the amount of questionable things i’ve heard from you is concerning.” 

“oh shut up.” you laughed as you leaned over and pushed him by the chain of his swing. “just say yes or no.”

“go ahead.” you grunted, not liking how he didn’t follow the options you gave him. you breathe in a deep breath. you weren’t sure what suddenly gave you the confidence, maybe it was the fact that you were still slightly tipsy, or maybe it was the way rin told you more about himself and let himself be vulnerable with you. 

“i think i like you.” you say, just loud enough for him to hear.

~

fuck. why wasn’t that the first place he looked? 

with a deep breath, he ran once more, praying to whoever was above that he’d find you.

so when he saw a lonesome figure swinging herself gently by the swings, he couldn’t help but yell out your name. 

you perked up, the moonlight shining on your figure and rin thinks you look beautiful like that. once you see him, you immediately stand up and dash away from him. 

rin curses, knowing that he was still at a distance and it wouldn’t be easy catching up to you, given the headstart that you had. 

“(y/n), please. listen!” rin yells out as he crosses the playground, only to see you already on the other side of the street. 

“go away, rin!” you yell from the other side and rin stayed in his place, taking in a deep breath. 

"just listen to me!" he yells and you stop in your tracks. 

it was cliche, really. rin thinks. 

he never thought he’d be running after someone at two in the morning, hoping that they aren’t too late and confessing their love for them under the moon. 

but life works in comedic ways, doesn’t it? 

“i lied.” rin says, loud enough for you to hear him from the other side of the street. 

“i never saw her in you. i’ve always seen you as (y/n).” he continues, closing his eyes as he yells out his feelings on the empty street. “i’m terrified.” 

“i’m so fucking terrified of feeling this way because all i’ve ever been taught about since i was a kid is that soulmates are certain.” that’s what you were taught as well. 

“but… having you… feeling you… loving you.” rin takes a deep breath in. 

“it all feels so right, so if the universe doesn’t think that we have a chance with love even if we’re not soulmates…”  he pauses before yelling at the top of his lungs. 

“then fuck the universe! all i want to do is love you, soulmate or not.” you stared at him, yelling like a mad man at almost three am. 

“so please… come back to me.” rin says as he holds his hand out, eyes solely trained on you. waiting for your next move. “please. just give me one chance. i won’t ever waste it, i love you!”

“please.” rin says, trying not to get his hopes up when he sees you take a step forward, your eyes focused on him, your surroundings didn’t matter as you ran across the street. 

“shit, wait, (y/n)–!” maybe you should really pay attention to your surroundings. maybe you shouldn’t have been a klutz. 

maybe… maybe if then, you would’ve realized the out of control vehicle coming at your direction in a haste. 

and it was as if time had moved in slow motion and his feet were stuck in the ground. itoshi rin found himself helpless as he watched the vehicle collide with your body. 

the universe must hate him so much that he was forced to watch the love of his life get hurt in front of him, twice.  

maybe it was the universe’s way of telling him, fuck you, too. 

the hospital hallways were quiet. too quiet. rin could still feel his ears ringing as his mind played back to the incident that took over not even hours ago. 

“(y/n)!” rin yells as he runs over to your figure, the dark ground stained with red as you cough. his hands were shaking. 

he didn’t know what to do. 

“shit! what happened?” he heard a stranger call out, footsteps were getting closer to him but he couldn’t hear it. “mina, call the ambulance!” he hears the stranger yell at his girlfriend? who knows. rin couldn’t focus on anything. 

his coat was being stained red as you bled out into his arms. 

“(y/n)... come on… don’t do this to me.” rin whispers as he shakes your semi-conscious figure gently. 

“i-...i’m g-glad.” you whimpered, eyes wincing at the pain that was seeping through your body. 

“d-don’t speak.” rin said, trying to keep his heart steady and his tears at bay. his hands were shaking as he cups your cheek and wipes away the stray blood. hoping desperately that the coldness he felt from your skin was brought about by the nightair and not your body losing its warmth. 

“you’re going to be okay.” he says as he caresses your cheek. 

“i’m g-glad you love me too…” you say, voice getting quieter every passing second. 

“i’ll spend all of our lifetime telling you that. don’t get too emotional the first time.” rin scolds, trying not to make his nerves evident. 

you let out a small pained giggle. “i wonder if it’ll still be around to hear it.” you say out loud, 

“don’t cry… rinnie. you’ll be okay.” you say smiling as you nuzzle your face onto his hand. “your palm is so warm… rin.” you say, closing your eyes causing rin to shake your body gently. 

“hey… (y/n). don’t close your eyes… it’s not funny.” rin says, voice getting progressively louder. 

at this point, he couldn’t care less about the drunk driver who was currently vomiting his guts out, he couldn’t care about the couple who was keeping a safe yet close distance in concern. he wasn’t even able to hear the loud sirens of the ambulance, too hyper focused on the fact that he can’t do anything. 

he feels pathetic. he feels so fucking useless that he wishes it would’ve been him instead. 

a tap on his shoulder causes him to flinch and hold your body protectively to his. a glare immediately on his face as he faced the stranger. 

“sir. please calm down. we mean no harm.” rin recognizes the stranger as a paramedic, he was confused. rin looks past the paramedic’s head to see the couple nod their head in greeting. they were the ones who called them and rin can’t help but tilt his head in gratitude. 

“please let us transport her to the hospital, she’s losing too much blood.” rin turns towards you, who was in his arms before nodding. 

two more paramedics came with a stretcher as rin stands up, fully supporting your weight as he gently lays you down. 

“i’m going with you.” rin said, finality in his voice as the paramedic nodded and wheeled you into the ambulance. 

rin’s shaky hands clasped with yours on the entire ride through. 

“oi.” his recollection was cut off short as he hears a gruff voice call from the side. he slowly turns his head as he sees reo. 

once reo catches his attention, he saunters over the olive haired male, eyes hard as he speaks. 

“what happened?” rin says nothing, staring off to the white wall ahead of him. 

“hey… rin. what happened?” reo repeats, his voice eerily neutral. rin still doesn’t respond as he stands by the wall.

reo didn’t like his silence, the next thing rin knew was that his back was against the wall and his collar was gripped by reo tightly. 

“answer me! what the fuck happened?” 

“it’s my fault…” rin says quietly, eyes devoid of emotions and words monotone, as if he were now a programmed robot that didn’t feel things. 

“what the fuck happened, rin? didn’t you promise me that you’ll protect her?!” reo yelled, causing a few onlookers to look at them. nagi immediately mediated. 

“reo… you’re causing a scene.” nagi says, trying to lull his soulmate. “i don’t give a shit if i’m causing a scene! my best friend is unconscious and in a fucking hospital room!” 

rin peered his eyes to look at reo’s frustrated ones, with tears building up in his eyes. 

“you promised me you’d protect her.” he says, voice barely above a whisper before his eyes harden and the grip on rin’s collar gets tighter.  

“if anything ever happens to her… i won’t ever forgive you.” was all he said before letting go, leaving rin alone in the hallway as he went to find the doctor. 

nagi was left alone with his friend. the snowy haired male takes a calmer approach, placing a hand on rin’s back. 

“what happened, rin?” maybe it was the gentle coax of nagi, or maybe it was exhaustion and overthinking.

the next thing rin knows is that he’s sliding against the wall, body racking with sobs and he covers his face with his hands. nagi’s eyes widened in surprise as he crouched down and tried to comfort his friend. 

“n-nagi… it’s all my fault.” rin sobbed, not even caring on how loud he was or how the other people in the hall were judging him. he feels as if something invisible was weighing him down, he couldn’t breathe properly, he couldn’t even stand properly as he topples his weight over nagi who gently guided him to the cold metal waiting chairs. 

“what happened?” nagi asks again, knowing to drop it if rin doesn’t answer once more. 

“s-she… (y/n) told me she loved me…” nagi’s eyebrows furrowed. the snowy haired male still doesn’t understand how that was relevant. 

“we had a fight… i told her i didn’t love her…” “what?” rin sniffed before continuing, accepting the handkerchief nagi gives to him in gratitude. 

“i… i was so fucking scared and i told her that i only saw her as someone else.” “did you?” “fucking hell, no! i hate that i said that. i hate that i can’t take it back…”

“maybe i was just honest in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this fucking situation and i would be in my bed with her in my arms.” 

nagi could only rub his back, trying to wordlessly comfort his friend because he knows that no matter what he says, rin would probably not comprehend it, too caught up in his regrets. 

a man in a white coat stops in front of them, rin looks up and immediately stands up. 

“how is she? is she okay? please tell me.” nagi placed a grounding hand on rin’s shoulder. the doctor gives them a blank stare as he flips his clipboard. 

“you’re here for ms. (l/n), right?” rin nods, “ms. (l/n) is in a stable state for now. her body is reacting well to the medicine that we injected. however, her head has suffered injuries. she’s unconscious and has not yet woken up since we treated her.” the doctor says before looking at the two, apologetically. 

“we don’t know when she will wake up. or if she’ll ever wake at all.” if it weren’t for nagi grounding him, rin was sure he would’ve collapsed on the floor with the second statement. 

“you may see her. but only three people at a time.” the doctor says before nodding in goodbye, walking off and turning on the corner of the hallway.

“i’m going to find reo… you go and see her.” nagi clasps his hand on rin’s shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly before he saunters off to find his lover. 

with nagi gone, all the nerves he felt before were hurling right back at him with top speed. rin feels like he wants to vomit, he feels like his footsteps feel heavier as he walks over to your room. 

his hand pauses before he could fully push the door and it seemed like his body has a mind of its own as he takes a step back and turns away, walking the opposite direction. 

he couldn’t do it. he couldn’t face you. 

“where are you going?” he freezes in his step as he hears the gruff voice of reo. he turns to face the male, teal eyes staring into reo’s puffy purple eyes as he tips his head down. 

“please take care of her for me.” 

“you’re not even going to see her?” rin gulped as he fully turned to your best friend. “i can’t.” 

reo clenched his teeth at the display your boyfriend was showing. 

“i can’t see her… i’m the reason why she’s here.” “isn’t that more of a reason why you should stay?!” reo yelled, startling the hallway filled with people, causing a nurse to tap him on the shoulder to ask him to lower his voice. but reo shrugs the hand off his shoulder as he stomps over to the numb male, his hand fisted in his collar. 

“if you walk out of here right now, i’m never going to let you see her again.” reo says, eyes hard as he speaks, voice barely above a whisper. maybe it’s for the best. rin thinks as he looks at reo with empty eyes. 

“please take care of her.” rin repeats, voice void of emotions, reo clenches his teeth even harder, his fists shaking as he grips the cloth of rin’s shirt tighter before closing his eyes and letting go. 

when reo opened his eyes once more, it was as if something had possessed the male. 

“you’re a sad, pathetic, excuse of a man, itoshi rin.”

when he got home to his apartment, it was safe to say that no furniture was left untouched as he went on a rampage. if his neighbors were home, they would probably hear the wretched sobs he let out or the sound of glasses breaking and things being thrown around. 

rin doesn’t know what to do anymore. 

his heart is screaming for him to turn and run back to the hospital so he could stay by your side but his mind is screaming back that this was all his fault and he had no right to see you. he didn’t deserve to. 

fuck. everything hurted. his hands were bloodied and bruised from the wall he punched, his hair was a mess from him trying to pull it out, he was slowly breaking down and he didn't know how to calm down. 

his knees finally gave out as he let his body collapse on the floor. he couldn’t move. his mind was too loud. everything felt so loud. 

he doesn’t realize how long it’s been since he was in his state of pity. he was too caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the series of knocks on his door. 

rin couldn’t feel the tears that were running down his face, his lower lashes drenched as it ran endlessly. 

“you’re a mess.” he jolted when he heard the voice, still not looking up from his position, thinking that he was now imagining the voice. a pair of shoes entered his vision, black slacks replacing it as the figure before him kneels and he was forced to look up. he sees the same color of teal looking back at him, a look of concern and indifference in his eyes. 

“sae…nii…” rin mutters as he blinks, his mouth opens trying to enunciate the words on the tip of his tongue before his body slumps against his older brother’s, eyes closed as he is rendered unconscious. 

the older itoshi only sighs, rubbing his younger brother’s hair before lifting him up and tucking him into his bedroom. 

rin wakes up with a jolt. even in his sleep, the memory of the car colliding with your body wouldn’t leave him alone. he heaves in a breath, struggling to find his breathing before he feels a cool glass pressing on the side of his face. 

“you’re awake?” he calms down a bit, before he turns his head to the source of the cold. he sees his older brother looking at him with a blank look as he holds the glass of water in his hand. “drink up.” 

rin complies, his hands shaking as he drinks the water slowly, as to not get choked by the flow of liquid running down his throat. 

“what are…” rin internally cringes at the blockage in his voice. “what are you doing here… sae-nii.” he tries again after clearing his throat. 

“you look like shit.” his brother replies, not even considering his words. not that rin expected him to. 

sae sighs as he walks over to the armchair by his room and sits down, crossing his legs and leaning his head on his arm that was propped up. “your coworker called.”

“nagi?” “mm. that’s what i think his name was.” rin looked at his brother. it still didn’t make sense. so what if nagi called? nagi has called sae multiple times already, be it because rin’s phone battery died, or rin drank too much and nagi didn’t want to deal with it. but nagi’s calls were almost always rejected. 

so what made this any different? 

“he wouldn’t stop spamming my texts, said that he was worried about you and asked me to check up on you.” rin sighs, “i’m fine on my own, nii-chan. you can go back home, i’m sorry for bothering yo–”

“would you cut the shit out?” rin stared back at the blank expression sae sported. 

“i spent two hours cleaning up the mess you made in the apartment. clearly you’re not fine on your own.” sae refutes rin’s earlier claim.

rin said nothing, he could only look down as his fingers clenched around the blanket that was wrapped around him. if he wasn’t so caught up in his thoughts, he would’ve heard his older brother sigh, stand up and walk over to his bed. he only snapped out of his daze once he felt the bed dip. 

“i’m here, rin.” sae says as he pats his younger brother’s shoulder firmly. 

“i’m listening.” rin clenched his fingers harder, his hands shaking slightly, as he closed his eyes. his mind was still being too loud.

“rin, i’m right here. i always am.” sae reiterates as he rubs his brother’s shoulders, the same way he used to do when they were younger. 

“i’m right here. so tell nii-chan what’s wrong.” 

the next thing sae feels is his younger brother’s arms wrapping around him and his sobs progressively louder by his ear. sae paid no mind as he let his younger brother cry, hands rubbing his back comfortingly. rin feels like being taken back to when he was a child and when he would run to his big brother for comfort. 

his body shakes as the final thread he was holding onto finally snaps and he tells his brother everything. 

to how he first bumped into you. his first date with you. the way he felt when he heard you laugh. the pain he felt when he saw you cry. the sting in his soulmate mark when he first realized that he loved you, and the way he was helpless when he saw the vehicle crash into you. 

sae only held him tighter, grounding his younger brother as hiccups escaped him. 

“i don’t know anymore, nii-chan.” rin says as he pulls away, his older brother keeping an arm around his back. 

“i love her… but… i can’t– i don’t…” “you need to let the past go, rin.” sae interrupts, rin looks at his older brother, a bit confused and angered at the same time. 

“i don’t see how this is related to–” “clearly, you’re afraid to love again. don’t you think that the world has been cruel enough to you? to her? why else would you have pushed her away.”

“my mark, nii-chan…” rin says quietly, causing his older brother to look at him with a curious expression. “it burned…” rin says as he subconsciously rubs the forsaken mark. 

“whenever i think of loving her… the mark burns and it’s the universe’s way of telling me that what me and (y/n) has… it’s all temporary.” rin sniffs, heaving in a deep breath. 

“i love her. but the universe won’t let me.”

silence. 

the itoshi brothers were silent as rin’s words sunk in. sae only watched as his younger brother’s hands were balled into fists, shaking slightly. the older itoshi rubs his hand down his brother’s back in soothing motions. 

“then fuck the universe.” sae says, a hard glint in his matching teal eyes. “why should they get a say on who you should and shouldn’t love?” rin swallows as he looks up at his older brother confused. 

“is a little pain all it takes for you to back out and stop loving her?” the younger’s eyes widened. his older brother’s words sinking in as he recalls your smile, a tingling sensation immediately tickling on his wrist. 

“it got you thinking, huh?” sae asks and rin nods, not looking at his brother anymore. thoughts too filled about how he was so afraid of nothing.

fuck the universe. he’ll love you, even if it kills him. 

with a new resolve, he stands up and grabs his phone, shooting nagi a text.

“where are you going?” sae asked as his brother shrugged on his coat. 

“to see the love of my life.” 

sae blinked and sighed. “romeo, i don’t know how to break it to you, but it’s four am now and you need to take a shower.”

four am? how long was he unconscious for? sae shook his head at the surprised look on his younger brother’s face as he pointed to the digital clock beside his bed. 

“the exhaustion burnt you out, i think you’ve slept for sixteen hours…? i’m not sure. i couldn’t wake you up.” sae recalls and rin nodded his head in understanding. 

those sixteen hours could’ve been spent with him by your side. before rin could voice out his regrets, sae smacks him upside the head. 

“go get some rest, i’ll drive you to the hospital when you wake up.” he scolded, as he stood up from his brother’s bed. 

“i’ll take the couch, you go and rest.” sae says as he walks to the door, grabbing a blanket on his way out. 

“nii-chan.” rin calls out and sae turns to face him with a short “what?”

“thank you.” 

sae scoffs and rolls his eyes at the uncharacteristic behavior rin showed him. 

“whatever, loser.” was all he said before closing the door and leaving rin alone to his thoughts. 

tomorrow, he’d make things right.

tomorrow didn’t go by as planned as he couldn’t find the courage to do so, it took another twenty four hours of rin breaking down and sae trying to calm the younger itoshi down. it took a lot of coaxing and assurances from the older male that rin can take his time and told him that you’d rather have him delay a day than have him break down right in front of your unconscious body. 

on the next day, rin was internally shaking when he stepped foot in the hospital, his body moving instinctively as his feet pad to where the doctor from yesterday said your room was. 

his brought his shaky hands up as he pushed the door open, immediately alerting the snowy haired male and the violet haired male of his presence. nagi was by the couch of the hospital room and reo was right beside your bed, clutching your hand in his.

immediately, reo’s eyes hardened as he looked at the male, his purple eyes were puffy and red, voice broken. 

“what the hell do you think you’re doing here?” reo’s voice was cold. it was as if rin was being thrown a bucket of ice water after having been just woken up as reo glared daggers at him. 

“i… i’m here for her…” rin says, quietly. as if he were ashamed, which he was. he should’ve been there for you ever since you were admitted but the guilt ate him alive. 

reo didn’t say anything, face now in a blank expression as he turned away from rin and back to you, sadness immediately welling up his eyes. 

nagi patted the seat beside him on the couch. immediately asking how the other male was. 

“i’ve been…” rin tries to find the words to say. tired? guilty? ashamed? he didn’t know. he didn’t know how to enunciate that the feelings he felt was probably well deserved. 

“...fine.” rin whispers, throat clogging up. nagi nods, “that’s… good.”

rin clears his throat. looking over your sleeping figure. “has she…” he blinks the tears building up away. 

“has she woken up yet?” and before nagi could nod his head no, he was interrupted by reo’s deep voice.

“now, you care?” rin swallowed. “you didn’t seem to care when you left her by herself in this hospital just a day ago!” reo bitterly spat. 

“reo…” nagi warns his soulmate, reo ignores it as he stands up from your side and walks closer to the two of them, rin automatically stands up, bracing himself for the possible things that your best friend might do. 

“you don’t deserve to fucking be here.” reo says as he looks straight at rin. “you don’t get to flee then expect us to welcome you with open arms.” 

“you don’t deserve to be here, after putting my best friend in here in the first plac–” “that’s why i left.” rin interrupts, the thin strand of rationality leaving him as he lets the tears flow down his face. 

“you can blame me all you want, nothing is going to change and i know i don’t deserve to see her anymore, nor do i deserve to be loved by her but for fuck’s sake. don’t you think this is hard for me too?” rin says, reo’s eyes widen for a millisecond but before he could interrupt, rin lets out a sob. 

“i hurt her before, we fought before she got here and all i can think about is how this is all my fault. you don’t need to keep reminding me because i am fully aware that i’m the reason why she’s here! why she’s going to di–” a slap interrupts rin’s monologue. the aforementioned’s head jerks to the left

“if you know what’s good for you, do not fucking finish that sentence.” reo says, tears pooling up in his eyes. 

“are you seriously going to fight in front of her?” nagi said, an unknown expression on his face. 

“your–” he turns to rin, “girlfriend” then to reo “and your best friend, is in a coma and the both of you decide to fight right in front of her?” nagi says as he glares at the both of them. 

“she can hear whatever you’re saying and i don’t think she’d appreciate hearing you fight in front of her.” shame fills the faces of the two boys as they looked away from each other. 

“reo’s let's go outside for a while.” “n-nagi–” “you haven’t left the hospital since she got here, you need a fresh shower and proper food.” “but i–” “rin’s right here and he’ll let us know when something happens.” the snowy haired male turns to the olive haired male. “right, rin?” 

rin gives him a silent, yet determined nod. 

“you cannot fucking expect me to leav–” “reo.” 

reo lets out a deep breath, closing his eyes before opening them and looking at rin with an angry, yet sad gaze. “you better let me or nagi know immediately.” 

reo takes one last longing gaze at you before he gets pulled away gently by his lover. nagi gives rin a nod of acknowledgement before the door shuts and he is left alone with you. 

a hesitant step. 

rin takes a hesitant step as he walks over to your unconscious figure. he sits down the chair reo previously sat in, taking your hand in his as he intertwines it one-sidedly. 

he feels his throat clogging up once more 

“hey, baby.” he whispers as he lifts your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on your knuckles. 

“i’m here now.” he says as he looks at your closed eyes, he lifts his body up a bit as he leans over and presses a kiss on your forehead. “i’m… i’m so sorry.” 

he whispers as he sits back down, both hands now holding your hand as he sobs. 

“i’m so sorry, please wake up.” he continues, sobs getting progressively louder. 

“i love you.” he whispers as he stares at your sleeping figure. he closes his eyes as his lips press on the knuckles of your hand. “please wake up. come back to me.” he whispers but as expected, there was no response. not even a twitch of your hand. 

“i’m sorry it took me long to face you… i couldn’t find the strength to do so.” he continues. nagi’s words repeating in his head. you could probably hear him. 

“you know…” he starts, willing himself to finally open up the story that you’ve always been curious about. 

~

“you know… the topic never came up because i trusted nagi and reo to not set me up with someone who found their soulmate, but… what about yours?” you say as you look at him with bleary eyes, not noticing the way he gulps. 

“dead.” 

“oh, shit. i’m sorry–” 

“don’t be. it’s all in the past now.” rin says, repeating your words from earlier. 

“do you…uh.” you try finding the words to say. “do you wanna talk about it?” rin shakes his head as he softly caresses the darkened mark. 

“i’m not ready.”

~

“i think i’m finally ready.” rin says as he closes his eyes, adjusting your hand so it seemed like you were cupping it gently. 

“it was when i was seventeen…”

~

to say that rin would want to stop believing in soulmates would be an understatement. he despised the thought of it. he thinks that being destined to someone the universe thinks you belong to was stupid and dumb. he thinks that it’s ridiculous, but inside, his inner child voices out the desire to meet them. 

he shakes his head as he walks along the busy streets of shibuya, the white mark on his wrist being hidden by his coat sleeve. 

“ne, rin,” his colleague catches his attention, he looks at bachira in indifference but responds with a hum at the call. 

“wouldn't it be so funny if we bump into your soulmate?” bachira asked teasingly as rin rolled his eyes at the two-toned male. 

“you wouldn’t know if i felt them anyway.” rin curtly replied and bachira clicked his tongue playfully. “that’s no fun, rin-chan.”

rin says nothing after that, stopping right in front of the pedestrian lane, waiting for the cars to stop. 

then he saw her. 

it was accidental, he swears. 

rin had no plans on trying to locate his said soulmate. he didn’t expect his wrist to suddenly give a ticklish buzz, when their eyes met. rin immediately clasped his wrist, holding the mark, grounding it so it would stop the uncomfortable feeling. 

bachira, who was with him, gasped in realization as he realized what his friend was doing. 

“rin-chan…” bachira says and rin hisses at the discomfort before he raises his head from his position, looking over at the girl who clutched her wrist as well. 

when their eyes met once more, and rin’s eyes flit towards his mark that was darkening from white to gold. he looks at her one more time, watching the way she gasps at realization and looks at the golden lines replacing the mark. 

the coast was clear, until it wasn’t. 

the girl ran as soon as the light went green, brushing off the hand that was trying to stop her. rin was about to follow her lead before bachira’s arm stopped him. the olive haired male turned to glare at his friend.

“oi, bobcut what the fu–” “watch out!” multiple people yell and the next thing rin hears is the screeching of tires and numerous gasps surrounding them. 

rin’s head immediately whipped to the side, to where the source of the loudest murmuring was and saw a trail of blood. 

“oh my god! is she okay?!” “someone call an ambulance!” “don’t just stand there!” “she’s barely breathing! does anyone know first aid?!”

rin’s teal eyes followed the crimson trail, his breath hitching once he realized that the starry eyed girl he was staring at not even a few seconds ago was out of his sight. he gulped, finding it difficult to breathe as he realizes that the person the people were swarming over was his soulmate. 

“move out of the way!” he demands as he runs to the scene, kneeling before her. his hands shaking as he raises his marked wrist, brushing away the blood clumped hair off her face. 

“y-your name…” his soulmate whispers. eyes trying desperately to stay open as she looks at his blurry teal eyes. “p-please…”

“itoshi…” rin gulps, tears unconsciously trailing from his eyes. “itoshi rin.”

his soulmate smiles. reaching for the hand on her cheek with her own, her wrist marked with gold. “i-i’m... so… glad to have met you… my soulmate.” she smiles, a full smile, as if she wasn’t bleeding to death and as if she wasn’t slipping away from his hands. 

“live a fulfilled life, be happy, for me.” she says, staring straight at the male before the spark in her eyes disappeared, the hand on his turning limp and rin watched with helplessness as his mark fades to gray. 

rin’s hands begin to shake more than they have, he tries to stop the sobs that are threatening to wrack his body. his soulmate mark pricked him, it taunted him. 

he wasn’t given a chance to get to know her, love her. 

he didn’t even get a chance to know her name. 

rin paid no mind to the police officers on scene asking if he was okay and if he was hurt in any way. he felt numb. his hands were shaking, he jolted once he saw his friend’s eyes look at him with pity. 

“rin…” bachira says, voice uncharacteristically soft as he tries to find a way to console his grieving friend. but bachira knows he can’t do anything about the situation. 

he could only place a hand on rin’s shoulder as his soulmate’s body was taken away into an ambulance. 

but rin can’t see the point, his mark was already a shade of gray. no hospital could ever bring his soulmate back to life. 

he never even got her name. 

the universe was cruel to rin as he yelled in the middle of the busy streets of shibuya for the soulmate he lost. 

~

“i didn’t even get to know her name…” rin chuckles bitter as he narrates the memory, hand slightly shaking as he clutches yours, placing gentle kisses on your fingertips. 

“i only found out when we arrived at the hospital and got it from her parents…” he whispers. “i never had the chance to spend any time with her.” 

he closes his eyes, leaning his forehead into your hand that was clasped with his. 

“but with you… it’s different. i know it is.” he continues. 

“the universe… gave me a chance to meet you… and love you.”

he opens his eyes, looking at your unconscious face before letting out a shaky sigh. 

“so please… wake up…”

“i promise that i’ll make you feel the love you deserve. so please, wake up for me.”

rin pleads for the last time of the day before his eyes flit shut, exhaustion taking over his body as he falls asleep by your side, his hand still in yours. 

rin wakes up to hushed mumbles, his eyes fluttering open, mind a bit disoriented from the sudden stream of consciousness.

“he can leave now, right?” “reo, don’t be like that.” he hears nagi shush his soulmate. 

when did they get here? rin thinks but decides that it didn’t matter as he slowly rises from his position, immediately checking on you to see if you were awake and to his disappointment, you were still unconscious. 

“oh, you’re awake?” rin hears nagi ask, he faces them with hazy eyes as he nodded. “what time is it?” rin asked, voice heavy with sleep.

“a little over two am.” nagi says. 

it was the fourth day that you were confined in this room, and reo didn’t want to tell rin that the doctors have talked to him regarding you. 

rin nods. “i see.” 

“you can…” reo said, voice unusually softer than the previously hostile tone he uses with him. “you can go back to your apartment and rest. nagi and i can watch over her.” 

rin shakes his head. “my rest is right here.” he says as he keeps his eyes trained on you. 

“i’m not leaving her again.” he promises, voice barely audible to the two other males in the room. but rin didn’t care, he said it to you. whether reo or nagi heard, it wasn’t any of their business. 

if whatever nagi said about coma patients hearing you when you talk to them is true. good god, please give me a sign. rin thinks, loosening his grip on your hand as he settles on rubbing gentle circles on it. 

he was so caught up with the motions that he didn’t realize reo sit beside him. 

“you know…” rin looked at the purple haired male. “i blamed you.” reo said as he grit his teeth. 

“i blamed you… even though it was wrong.” he continues and rin remained silent, not exactly knowing where the young heir was going with this. 

“i needed an outlet… to blame, to be angry at… that i didn’t realize the most affected one is you.” reo said, eyes not breaking contact with rin’s. 

“i’m…” reo struggles to find the words to say. “i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that.” reo says quietly, as if he were ashamed of his previous actions, which he was. 

“it’s okay.” rin replies, “i understand. you were hurt as well.” 

nagi was quietly watching the two of them, relieved that they were no longer in hot waters. 

“reo.” nagi calls out. reo looks at his lover with an inquisitive gaze. “let’s go get food. rin needs some too.”

“but–” “i need someone else to help carry food for three.” reo sighs and nods before standing up and patting your head. 

“let me know if something happens, okay?” 

rin nods and reo takes one last look at you before he follows nagi outside the door. 

and then, it was silent. 

rin doesn’t know if the silence is suffocating him or if it’s comfortable. he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. “just one sign…” he whispers to you. 

“just one sign that you’ll come back to us, to me, please.” he begs, not expecting anything of it. 

twitch. 

rin held his breath, eyes widening at the movement he felt. he wasn’t sure if that was from him or… you. 

he tries his hardest to stay still, his hand limp in yours, desperate to feel you twitch against him once more. praying to all the deities he never once believed in. 

twitch. twitch.

rin pulled away, hands starting to shake as he watches how your eyes slowly twitch subtly, and rin stood up almost immediately when he saw the way your eyes fluttered open. 

you were awake.

 your eyes were barely opened, pupils darting from side to side as you tried to make sense of where you were. your body felt heavy, but you didn’t care as you tried to stand up.

only to feel a hand stop you. 

“don’t move.” rin? “d-don’t overexert yourself.” he says while he pushes you back down gently, taking the small remote by your bed and elevating your upper body. 

“r-ri–” you tried to say but words couldn’t come out. your voice was rough, as if it were grinding down sandpaper as you tried to speak. 

“i– uh. i’ll go call the doctor, please… stay here!” rin said as he ran to the door. “i mean, stay awake!” then the door closed shut, if you listened closely, you could hear the uncharacteristic yells from the male as he screamed for a doctor. 

rin came back as soon as he left, a doctor and nurse trailing behind him as he immediately went to your side once more and took your hand.

“ms. (y/n), do you know where you are?” you nod. “do you remember what happened before you arrived here?” a hesitant nod comes from you. 

“y-yes.” you croaked and the doctor immediately ordered the nurse to fetch you a cup of water. 

“do you remember your name?” the doctor went on asking you basic questions about yourself before he announced your condition as stable. 

just as the doctor left, reo immediately ran inside panting. 

“(y/n)!” he yells as soon as he enters the room. you answered with a sheepish smile and a short wave at your best friend. 

“hey, re–” “don’t fucking scare me like that ever again!” he interrupts your greeting as he basically jumps on you, pulling you for a tight hug. 

you held him back, feeling the way his shoulders suddenly start to shake and sobs were now leaving your purple haired best friend. 

“don’t scare me like that again… please.” he whispers, repeating the words he said once more. 

“i’m sorry.” you say back, voice quiet as you let your best friend sob against your shoulder. 

the next few minutes were spent with reo ugly crying on your shoulder and rin holding your hand tightly in his. countless apologies running out of your mouth as reo scolds you for scaring him. 

“admit it though.” you say as you pull away from your best friend, wiping his tears away. “you missed me.” 

“you fucking dumbass, of course i did!” he says as he glares at you. “you think i would be in a hospital for the past four days?” “i was here for four days?”

“...you don’t… realize it?” you slowly shook your head in response before nagi stands up and places a hand on reo’s shoulder 

“i think…” nagi starts, “these two have a lot to talk about..” 

“but i just got here–” “reo.” “fine.”

the both of you left the two of you once more and now rin couldn’t help but feel shy in your conscious presence. 

“(y-y/n)...” “i heard.” “huh?”

you sighed as you looked at your intertwined hands. 

“i uh… heard snippets… of your story.” you say, looking at him with sad eyes and he already hated that he managed to make you sad, even if it was indirectly. 

“what was her name?” you asked and rin stays quiet for a few seconds, before you can take it back you hear him mutter a name. 

“akitsu hanabi.” rin recalls, you nodded. “do you still think about her?”

rin pursed his lips for a few seconds before he answered. 

“i usually don’t. not ever since you. i don’t like remembering what happened.”

“i don’t think any of it matters now.” rin continues before he brushes your knuckles gently. “i…i think–” he pauses. “i think my soulmate would’ve wanted me to be happy.” he recalls her last words from her. 

“and i know that it meant you… maybe, somehow, you were sent by my soulmate.”   he hypothesizes. “i don’t know what it’s like to be loved by someone you’re destined to, but i’d take your love any day, (y/n).” 

you held your breath, staying quiet, not quite knowing the words to say. 

“fuck the universe. i only want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.” you say nothing, snaking your hand onto his cheek and pulling him closer, he immediately moves towards you. 

your lips meet in a passionate yet gentle kiss and rin wants to cry, this is everything he ever wanted, he had always been deprived of the love he longed for and you were right there, and he’d never let anything take you away from him once more. 

he’ll spend the rest of his life showing you that he loved you if he had to.

“hey, we got foo– in a fucking hospital?!” the two of you jumped back, startled by the door banging open and reo going inside, the paper bag filled with food frozen in his outstretched hand. 

you bit back a laugh as you saw rin look away, cheeks turning red and you could feel your own heating up as well. reo sighs and shakes his head before he brings back the attention to the food in hand. 

“you can eat each other’s faces later, we brought food. also, (y/n) we got you soup because that’s what the doctor said.” reo said as he gestures to the bowl on the side, clearly having his personal chef prepare it because all of you knew that reo wouldn’t settle for takeout in a situation like this. 

before you could reach for the soup. rin beats you to it, taking out the spoon and holding the bowl close to him before he scoops the liquid and brings it to your mouth. 

“really?” you couldn’t help but let out a teasing smile. 

“i’m only feeding you because you’re still unwell… and i love you.” he whispers in the last part, causing you to freeze. 

“h-huh?” the skin of your marked wrist twitches as you asked him to reiterate, you’ve heard him say it before the entire accident but it still felt surreal. 

rin put the bowl of soup down, clasping your marked hands together. “i love you.” he says, pressing a kiss to your mark, uncaring of the fact that the universe doesn’t want you to be together, that you weren’t destined to be with one another, that you were born to be alone in this world.

“i love you.” he repeats, placing a kiss on the skin of your wrist.

the both of you freeze as an overwhelming sensation takes the both of you by surprise, the two of you instinctively tightening the grip you had on each other’s hands as a surge of white light explodes between your intertwined hands. 

“w-what the hell is happening?” nagi whispers to reo who stopped mid bite when his peripheral caught sight of the white. 

“(y/n)... your mark!” reo gasped as the black mark disintegrates from your skin, leaving a blank canvas. “rin, yours too!” nagi added, the couple’s eyes widened in disbelief while the both of you had your eyes closed due to the sudden pricks of pain. 

you opened your eyes once you hear reo exclaim about your mark, widening once you see white dots appearing in replacement of the obsidian color you were familiar with for the past nine years. 

a gasp escapes you, causing rin to open his eyes and look at you before immediately looking down, eyes widening as well as his wrist being in the same condition as yours.

the two of you watched with bated breaths as a pattern slowly formed on your wrist, lines connecting and painting a mark that only meant for you before the line completed. your intertwined hands began shaking once you realized that the lines stopped from you and continued for rin’s. the pattern being drawn into a perfect contrast for yours. 

a perfect fit. 

once rin’s wrist was completed, it was silent. 

the two of you looked at each other at the same time, speechless on what just happened and before any of you in the room could say anything. 

you felt a ticklish feeling on your mark.

you hear reo gasp, from your peripheral, you can see him clutch nagi’s arm as he says shakily. 

“the mark… it’s…” you didn’t hear anything after that as your focused eyes turned towards the mark, the previously white lines was now being colored a shade of gold. 

tears well up in your eyes as you look at rin who was looking at you with an unknown expression. 

what the fuck just happened?

in a world where one’s soulmate is determined on the night you turn sixteen, you and rin manage to defy the universe at the age of twenty five. 

“r-rin…” you were cut off by his lips slotting with yours once more, you closed your eyes, letting the tears slip out as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. 

you can hear reo let out a sob. he was so, so happy for you. 

reo knows that you deserved this happiness more than anyone. nagi lets out a smile before he wraps his arm around his lover, pressing a short kiss on his forehead as the young heir sobs into his soulmate’s chest. 

you pull away, lips forming into a teary smile as rin wipes it with a shaky hand. he couldn’t believe it either. a few hours ago, he was begging for the universe to wake you up and to return you to him. 

he never expected that you’d fully be his once you wake up. 

it was as if the universe was saying. we were wrong. be happy. you truly belong to each other.

“i love you.” you whisper as you nuzzle closer to his hand on your cheek. 

“i love you… soulmate.” he responds, a genuine smile breaking out of his face when he sees you giggling at the word. 

“my soulmate.” you say back, a happy smile on your face.

“(y/n), oh my god!” you hear reo yell as he stands up and runs over to the both of you, you and rin pulls away as reo envelopes you into a hug. 

“oh my god… what just happened?! did you see that shit? it was like a white explosion then  the next thing is that you had a soulmate?! what the fuck– what in the actua–” 

“reo…” you cut him off, a small smile on your face. 

“do you remember our promise of finding our soulmates with each other?” reo’s bottom lip wobbled, suddenly remembering how you were right there beside him when he first saw nagi, he remembers the childhood promise you made with him. 

“you’re here with me when i found mine.” you say, “you led me to him. thank you.” you smile, emotional as reo buries his head to your shoulder as he sobs, your one arm wrapping around his back, comforting your best friend. 

you can see nagi look at him fondly as he nears the three of you, clasping a hand on rin’s shoulders. 

“you still think the blind date was a waste of time?” “man, shut up.”

rin and nagi smiled at each other at the lighthearted conversation before rin looked at you once more. 

adoration and affection written on his face as he catches your attention by placing his hand on your free one. the sudden touch caused you to look at him as he smiles and mouths. 

“i love you.”

you smiled back, letting him lace your hands together as you mouth back. 

“i love you too.”

in a world where soulmates were destined at a young age, you changed destiny and finally found the man you grew to love and in turn, the universe decided to go along with the odds. sealing your fate with his. 

the two of you were destined to be with each other.

[scaramouchefootrest]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) sooo..I hear your requests are open? Can I maybe Request Overblot Riddle breeding Mc/Yuu/s/o? Mc tries to calm him down and is being so caring and kind to overblotted riddle that he thought ‘that’s the one,the person I want to rule with’

Btw your both blogs are AMAZING! Your writing is so good! ^^ please have a nice day/night! ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

✧ ft. yan!overblot!riddle rosehearts x reader

✧ fandom: twst┊genre: dark┊w/c: 3.0k┊format: fic

✧ content: fem!afab!reader, dubcon, shameless smut, mean!dom riddle, mind break, finger fucking, riding his fingers, implied degredation kink, dacryphilia, overstimulation, choking, unrealistic cervix fucking

— a/n. hi anon! my pinned post always says whether i'm accepting requests or not <3 rn, i'm clearing up my requests and thank you, i actually haven't taken care of my other one for a while but i'll write more when the time comes (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

The blue skies that oversaw the little parties of the dorm were now inevitably covered by black mist, protruding into the air, painting it with darkness. The source of this nightmarish sight came from none but the dorm leader of Heartslabyul. You didn't know that Ace's actions would lead to this. But to think that this coup d'etat was the last straw to finally push Riddle on the brink of insanity. 

Overblot.

You've faintly heard the word before the people begin to scatter, screaming and shouting due to the massive intake of blot in their lungs. You're not sure if inhaling the scent was toxic but you can't move. Your eyes widen by the sudden change of events, completely standing still as you attempt to process the tragedy unfolding in front of you. Incoherent noises merge inharmoniously as you pick up on certain voices. 

Trey is rushing to get all the students evacuated alongside Cater, who tries to calm the panicked crowd. Your friends, Ace and Deuce, were behind you - trying to pry you away from your own mind as their words failed to reach you, ears beginning to ring due the massive uproar. You blankly stare as if you're mesmerised instead of terrified. The smile that forms on Riddle's face when he turns his gaze on you confirms it.

The monster looming behind him goes to seek its own chaos when it rushes past behind you, targeting your companions. The urge to run to them is there but you realise you can't when hands snake around your waist. "Y/N, there's no need to run." His voice is perturbing, like there's two people talking at once. You stare at him in disbelief, prying his hands off of you. "Riddle..." His name feels off on your tongue. You back away from him the expression on your face is threading the line between worry and anger.  

The smirk he wore radiates this eccentricity you can't explain, making you feel small and scrutinised. It wasn't the first time you've felt like this in his presence. Your initial meeting during the unbirthday party is proof of that. He disregarded your opinions, blatantly disrespected you and your friends - more so, when he called you uneducated, degrading you and your family background.

You're wary of your unfortunate predicament. No doubt he can skewer your head in an instant as you're completely magicless unable to defend yourself with the advanced magic that Riddle possesses. Riddle tilts his head, his feet still floating over the ground, before placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're so quiet, Y/N. It's quite ironic since you were mouthing off earlier? Don't you think so?" The question is rhetorical, serving its purpose to vex you. 

A shaky breath escapes you and you muster whatever courage you have inside to at least bring him back to his senses. "Riddle." Your voice is sterner than it is as you place a hand on his cheek, the ink sticking onto your palm. 

"I'm so sorry if I've offended you in any way, but-" Your words are caught off by his sardonic laughter but you continue. "But you have to look around, you're destroying the environment, littering across the school grounds, hurting innocent students - How many rules do you think you've broken? Could please at least calm down for a moment?"

There's a moment of silence, so sharp that you swear it feels like it was stabbing you throughout this unnerving conversation. Riddle simply smiles and takes your hand. "Perhaps you're right. I have broken quite a lot of rules as of now." His words feel like the calm before the storm. 

"But... how do you suppose you'll make it up to me?" You look at him, confused then his hand snakes up to your throat before it encloses, cutting off your airway. "You've defied my orders, caused chaos, and broke the rules." You barely register his words to his harsh grip but your nails dig into his ink covered hand.

"Why do you think I should let a magicless uneducated student like you live? Give me a good reason, Y/N." Ragged breaths come from your form as you begin to see black spots in your vision. Cruel. Hypocrite. Tyrant. If you have the ability to speak against him, you would.

Riddle can only witness how pathetic you are - putty in his hands as you get closer to passing out due to lack of oxygen. He must admit that the tears at the corner of your eyes are adorable. It's a shame that you got on his nerves. Breaking your neck is an easy feat but he can't help but wonder how far you're willing to go to earn his forgiveness. 

Releasing your neck, you immediately collapse on the ground into coughing fits as you take deep breaths. Riddle kneels on one knee to reach your eyes level and smiles. "I'm giving you one chance to answer, Y/N. Why should I let you live?" 

You're beyond terrified - his eyes no longer belonged to the esteemed dorm leader but a deranged man. You don't want to die and that's obvious enough as your pupils begin frantically searching every direction as if it's going to give you the answer he wanted.

"Anything." You blurt out in a panic. "I'll do anything."

His smile drops at your sudden statement. “Anything?” He echoes back to himself before he stands up. "Is that so?” He tilts his head as his own question but the tone of his voice is cheerier than you wanted it to be - like a child receiving a christmas present getting what they wished for.  

He hums for a moment, contemplating his choices. You can't read his mind and through your frustration, you're gripping the grass to stress relief. You should've taken the chance to run when you had it. "Follow me." Riddle's voice breaks your internal monologue of scolding yourself and you follow suit - afraid of the consequences if you don't.

Every step is a burden added to your shoulders because you don't know where this is headed. For all you know, he could be leading you to your death. The soft crunches of the grass beneath your shoes should be a foreboding sign.

It's commendable, really, to think about how much audacity this man is quietly leading you to God knows where - walking nonchalantly as if he didn't try to kill all the students, kill you, a while ago. But at the same time, it's fascinating because you don't know the concept of how long Riddle will be in this state. He's terrifyingly calm even though his anger issues should've arised by now. 

The tall bushes and the crimson painted roses isn't exactly the fondest picture. The path is now clear but the different routes can surely make anyone lost inside, except Riddle - who you're sure memorised the entire pathway system of the labyrinth.

"Do you know why I've brought you here?" The question seems rhetorical to you but you decide it's better to humour him. "Why?" He doesn't answer and simply walks near towards the bushels and picks out a rose. 

Riddle plays with the petals of the rose, observing the uncleanliness of how it was painted. The roses aren't fully painted red as he sees the original whiteness of the rose. Annoyed by this, he crushes the flower in his hand and the petals melancholically fall apart.

"I want you to strip." 

You blink twice trying to process his request and immediately, you're hit with the realization why he lead you to somewhere secluded. For one, you certainly didn't expect his boldness. But the moment you open your mouth to refute, you're pinned to the ground - one hand pinning both of your hands above your head and one on your mouth to keep it shut. 

His maddened eyes stare at yours and you know he isn't joking. "You said you'd do anything, didn't you?" The tone of his voice is sickenly sweet and you're pissed off at the point he's using your own words against you. 

The dorm leader, on the other hand, knows that you weren't going to be true to your words. But he's true to what he is - a controlling freak. Lowering your guard for a man who wasn't himself is entirely your fault to begin with. 

"It really amazes me how fickle you can be. Didn't you want to live? Didn't you hate me? Or does hating me bring us back to this expense, hm? '' Riddle seems like he's enjoying this more than he should. "Don't you think I should punish you for your indecisiveness?" 

Punish.

It's such a simple word that you can't help but despise.

His knee is wedged between your legs, roughly grinding against your crotch as his hands still pin your original position. You can feel the Cheshire grin on his face when he leans down and starts dragging his tongue across your neck. "It's really simple. You allow me to do as I please and I'll let you live."

You’re hyperventilating as you nod, dragging your hips to meet his knee. “That’s a good pet.” He says like it’s a compliment when nothing about being desperate to live is a good look on anybody.

Riddle observes you as he removes his hands away from you. Your cheeks have tear stains and your hair is dishevelled. The way your chest raises up and down makes him smile in pride, knowing he’s the reason you’re like this.

“Y/N. I don’t know if I should tell you this really. But I don’t like disobedience.” He rambles like he’s talking about his problems to a close friend before he rips your uniform open, tearing it to shreds.

He hums in agreement when he pulls down your bra and your breast spills out the material. He giggles when he sees the redness of your cheeks. “You’re really cute when you try to be, Y/N.”

You glare at him but that defiance doesn't last long when he kneads on your breasts, twisting your nipples harshly. You moan against your will and the embarrassment catches up to you. His hands latch on your belt, loosening your pants before getting rid of them. 

"I like you like this better than I would've imagined you to be," He says as he massages two fingers against your clothed sex and your thighs instinctively rub each other for more friction. A small patronising laugh leaves him when your reactions don't go unnoticed. "You're really disgusting," Riddle says as if his cock isn't painfully hard.

You don't know what to do in this situation. It's not something you've planned. Do you allow him to do as he pleases? Do you enjoy it because there's nothing else you can do? What awful choices you have to choose from. "Riddle..." You say his name as you cover your face with your arm. 

Fuck. You feel his hand push your panties to the side before two of his fingers are portrudding your walls - scissoring them inside, twisting them before pumping them agonisingly slow. Your toes curl when his digits brush against your g-spot. "Fuck, Riddle..." You moan while bucking your hips to meet his hand. 

"Such words shouldn't be uttered by a lady." Another lecture but the way his hand is harshly thrusting up inside you makes you see white spots in your vision, clenching around his digits as you moan his name wantonly. You're not aware by your own actions but he's fucking his fingers into you so well that you become a hostage of your own body as the pleasure sending jolts down your spine making you arch towards him.

Riddle hums as he observes your cunt swallowing his fingers and smiles to himself like he's praising himself for an achievement he's done. You're acting like a whore because of him and though he finds it endearing, his mind spirals further because this vulnerable sight of you is being presented to him oh so deliciously. 

His head lowers down and he can't stop himself from licking a strip of your clit before sucking it. "Good..." He hardly hears it and then you say it again, until your hand is tugging him by his hair. "Hng, feels so good." Your mind is going blank and you want to come too badly. Filled up, your subconscious thinks. You want to be filled up. But you restraint yourself from whimpering the phrase.

"Cum.... Gonna cum, Riddle." Your voice is so sweet, sounding so fragile and he sucks on your clit greedily - indulging himself with the taste of your juices like it's a tart he'd wish for his birthday. But he stops and he pulls away when he feels your cunt constrict so well around his fingers. The confusion on your face amuses him but he stares at the stickiness that lies between his fingers and it makes him think. 

Praise.

He didn't think that he'd be this inclined to please someone for a few throw-away praises but it makes his cock throb when you become more and more vocal about how good he's making you feel. Perhaps it's a sense of narcissism and egotistical reassurance but he wants more - more of your words, more of you.

He rids himself of his clothes and the ink that decorated his body sticks onto yours when he pulls you closer. "Y/N. I have one small favour." What more could he possibly want?

"I want you to tell me where to touch you and good, it'll feel." 

That's.... an odd request. Although to be fair, there's nothing normal about this entire affair. "I'm not sure what you mean, Riddle. I don't want any of this to happen." Riddle looks at you as you're joking and you can't blame him. You don't know who you're trying to convince - Riddle or yourself. But one thing is for sure, your cunt is clenching around nothing and your nipples are hard against the soft wind that passes by.

"Do you want to cum?"

You swallow at that question. Do you want to cum? You feel your pussy throb and you have to suppress a moan at his question. 

As if reading your mind, Riddle pats his lap. "Crawl." How deplorable to see you obey with no question. You convince yourself that it's desperation to live, desperation to see your friends and enjoy your life but why is this making you feel so.... aroused?

He places his fingers below your crotch, barely touching your leaking cunt. "Ride them. If you need help, tell me." Your eyes widen at his request but the smile on his face mocks you. Your hands find their way to his shoulders, balancing yourself before you lower yourself on his fingers. Testing the waters, you move your hips, rolling them back and forth and god, it feels good. 

"Does it feel good?" 

You don't answer and he immediately threatens to remove his hand.

Your head drops against his shoulder and you whimper a protest as your hand immediately brings his hand back to its place. "Feels good. It feels so good. Please, let me cum." You whisper in his ear as you pump his fingers inside of you. He laughs at your sudden change of demeanour. 

"Is this really the Y/N who tried to defy my orders?" 

"Fuck...  Your fingers reach deeper than mine could ever do." 

"You...touch yourself?" 

"Stress relief... Don't we need them all?" It’s ironic since Riddle is using you for the purpose of relieving his anger. He scoffs but the sick smile on his face guarantees that he's satisfied with your answer. Playful banter bears no harm, doesn’t it? 

"Indeed." He agrees before he manhandles you on your knees, pressing against your back with his free hand. His fingers are still inside you but they aren't enough - the pace, the length, the depth. "Use your words, darling." Shit, pride be damned. "Cock, I want your cock, Riddle." You can feel the tip of his cock at your entrance and you just want to lose your mind, forget that this ever happened by getting drunk on the cock of your perpetrator.

"Care to elaborate where your place is?" The head of his dick enters your sopping cunt and it's enough to break your mind. "Beneath you. I'll do anything you wish, Riddle. Please, use me - use me and fill me up, please..." His cock slides in perfectly and it slightly nudges your cervix. The feeling of his cock stretching your walls is better than any pleasure you've felt in a while. 

The salacious squelches of your meeting sex drives the both of you to insanity as your voice gets higher in volume. The roughness of the ground scratches the skin of your arms but Riddle's whimpers and moans of pleasure are comforting you to a dangerous degree. He's enjoying himself and you should too, shouldn't you? His cock is stirring your insides at the right place, rubbing against your g-spot over and over. 

His hand finds its way to rub your clit, enough to send you to your high and squirting around his cock. You hear his laugh but his mean behavior is adding to your inevitable mind break as he keeps fucking you through your high.

Riddle isn't faring well either. Your cunt is gripping him like a vice as if it doesn't want him to pull out and pushing in is as hard if it weren't for your fluids mixing together. Fill you up, huh? He holds the thought dear and imagining how your cunt would look like dripping with his cum allows his hips to slam against yours, reaching your cervix. "Want me to fill you up?" The series of affirmation that left as your walls convulse around his cock is enough to push him over the edge and paint your insides white.

His eyes trail down from your back to your pussy and he can see the ring of cum as he fucks you through his high. With a smile on his face, he slams back inside. "Riddle?" You say his name in a panic and Riddle holds your neck, pulling you closer. "Your place is beneath me, remember?" His hips give a particularly cruel thrust that shuts you up with a loud moan "Mine to do with as a please ♡ "

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techwear kaiser!!

based on that one cyberpunk looking merch ad or smthn idk but i just wanna draw him in a techwear outfit :D

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Parr 2! Are u guys gonna let this cheeky brat have his way? Next are the shorts >:) (twitter: ty for the wolf pic they were very funny lol here are your hands)

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Just a trend on Twitter thought it'd be fun to post here too so strip him if you dare

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𝑺𝒄𝐚𝒓𝐚𝒏𝐚𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 『Scaramouche x Reader』

➺ Summary: You and the Traveller share more in common than anyone can imagine. But if there is one thing that sets you apart from the Traveller, it is your determination to create this mechanical deity.

➺ Warning: 3.2 Spoiler

➺ Author’s note : HOW COULD I NOT WRITE ABOUT OUR GOD?! Maybe I'm a bit too much in love with Scaramouche… BUT the character is just incredible! >.<

724 words || 4k

Everything should have ended as Nahida had planned. The data collected during all the many tests, the data collected with The Akasha…it should have allowed the Traveller to properly complete the huge, godlike robot. They were so confident in their own ability. They were so confident that their plan was going smoothly. But nothing is ever perfect, is it? No one could have foreseen the betrayal of the young woman who had shown nothing but tenderness and benevolence since their trip to Sumeru.

"I hope you don't expect thanks from me?" Scaramouche asks, his mechanical voice doing nothing to hide the mocking intonation. "I wouldn't even dare to imagine that you might know the polite forms of address." You reply, a mischievous smile at the corners of your lips.

The Traveller extends his hand in your direction, before dropping it to the ground. Exhausted, injured, even if he wanted to, he didn't have the strength to fight you. Nahida was not at her best either, in fact she was unconscious. The pain and shock of having her gnosis ripped from her chest had caused irreparable damage.

No one had been able to react to your quick and effective attack. The vision hanging from your waist falls to the ground. You no longer need to pretend to have one. Your powers were enough on their own. The exhilarating sensation of this power makes you shudder. The power seems to pulse through your veins, spreading to every corner of your body.

You walk with dignity into the battle arena, twirling the gnosis dendro between your gloved fingers. Small, luminous vines would delicately wrap themselves around your fingers before disappearing as if nothing had happened. An endless cycle of rare beauty that you cannot admire any longer. The huge metal hand lowers, allowing you to climb into the palm, which guides you to the robot's face, where the new deity is.

Scaramouche's arm wraps around your waist, allowing you to join him in the narrow cabin, while proudly showing the Traveller his victory. He owns you. He has the gnosis dendro. He has won. You grin, savouring the grip of his arm around you. You feel his fingers lightly knead the flesh of your hip, almost as if to congratulate you on the long work you have been doing for several months. You hand the gnosis to the new deity, burying your face in his neck, breathing in his scent. A shiver ran down your body. A delicious feeling stirred your heart as he tilted his head slightly to meet the top of your head. You couldn't see it, but you felt the weight of it on your hair. He couldn't thank you with words, but his touches were always enough for you.

***

"168 times?! How on earth can the knowledge of mere humans defeat a god?" "Look at that. The simp crying over Scaramoochie's defeat. "It's Scaramouche." "Okay, Scaraboobs"

***

"OH MY GODDESS SJDHCHKDKSJDHC"

"STEP ON ME PLS- SIR I BEG"

"WANDERER'S DESIGN IS FINALLY HERE"

"SCARANATION ASSEMBLE"

***

"Aren't you happy? You can pull for Wanderer." "I am happy…" "But…?" "It's just that I would have liked to see Scaramouche succeed. Did you see the desperation? The completion of his whole life was so easily taken away from him." "Are you still crying about it? It's been months." "SO WHAT?! My love for him is endless!"

***

Out of the corner of your eye you glanced at the Traveller, still wrapped in a possessive embrace as Scaramouche's victorious and mocking speech echoed through the arena walls. The Traveller… you couldn't help but feel a pang of compassion for its wounded form. But the satisfaction of having prevented your god's downfall far overshadows any feelings of remorse.

You and the Traveller are not so different. Two beings from elsewhere, outside the boundaries and lies of Teyvat.

But one thing makes you drastically different.

If the Traveller was supported by the intentions of some people in Sumeru. You, you have the Scaranation. And as a faithful member, you owe it to yourself to serve your god, waiting for other members to join you to form a cult worthy of the name.

"Soon…very soon, the world will be in your hands. I pledge it, my dear God." You say, lips pressed against his cheek, close to his earlobe.

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I’m brainrotting a little bit about a genshin x twst crossover x reader fic. Y'know those ones where the reader has the same personality and appearance of a genshin character and might as well be them? Yeah smth like that…

I’ve seen some Raiden ones(they’re kinda…they look like they’re written by 12yo’s tho, as much as the premise itself is interesting the person who writes it never seems to grasp the personalities or know what to do after chapter 1 and 2) and it srsly made me think.

What if there was a fic where reader is Nahida? More specifically Greater Lord Rukkahdevata.

Reader would look like this^

However things would be kinda different. Kusanali would be the “greater lord” while reader would be the lesser.

I wanted to invert things cause i wanted the reader to have a personality. I know reader fics more often than not are only supposed to be self indulgent and the reader is a blank slate but that never rlly sat well with me. So in a way as the story goes Rukkha!Reader would have the same traumas and motivations as Nahida.

Same inferiority complex, same fear of loneliness, always comparing herself to others etc.

But still would be very kind and motherly.

Lmao i can already imagine reader slowly but surely becoming the god mother of Night Raven.

Rukkha!Reader would also be very anxious due to being isekai’d into twisted wonderland. She’s worried about her people and wants to go back. Never in her life would she thought the first time she ever experienced life outside the “cage” would be in another universe entirely.

She retains her archon powers though! Everything we know Nahida can do, reader can as well :))

(such as mind reading, flying, control over plants, basically dendro in general + her skill and ult)

Plus! Rukkha!Reader can be considered overpowered so if i were ever to write it(which i won’t, I’m not rlly good enough to do so) i would keep her as some kind of “observer” since she loves watching humans in order to understand emotions better. I think she would only help during overblots and even then what she can do would be limited, canonically Nahida isn’t very good at fighting.

I think people would probably mistake Rukkha!Reader by a fae(long ears and great magical power) and she just doesn’t bother to correct anyone cause it’s easier to obtain information that way. Malleus and Lillia know she isn’t one tho, they can prolly feel it.

I also like the idea of highlighting the importance of platonic relationships, not only romantic ones!!

A thing that happens a lot in x readers fics when the reader is conventionally pretty is how every character falls for them. I never really liked that, it’s not realistic and EVEN if reader would be to have a harem i think there’s a need to show the person who’s reading the fic WHY so many characters love them in the first place.

Slow burn and etc, y'know?

Yeah so that was my brainrot! Thanks to anyone who read it. Feel free to take this idea away from me btw, i absolutely cannot write it, it’s way beyond my capabilities and i have ADHD so i can’t update things regularly lmaoooo.

So if there’s anyone who does consider taking the idea please @ me so i can read your work!! I would love to :)))

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emergency commissions!

I write for a lot of fandoms so please feel free to ask me anything! More coherent info will be in my carrd! 😂 Help me I'm goinf to die actually why is he so expensive

Please DM if interested!

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Reblog the writers’ fortune cookie for luck!