She's in-love and the world gets blurry. She makes mistakes and she's in no hurry to grow up, ‘cause grownups they don't understand her. She finds hope in the strangest places, she reads her books and she knows the faces of everyone that ever said she's alone. She finds company with her cigarettes and feels alone when the sun sets. 🎸MP🎤
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god that adhd struggle where you are so motivated to do something but there is just like. A Blockage In Your Body that stops the motivation from turning into anything. so you just like. vibrate. sitting there like yeah, man, i totally want to do that right now. (doesn’t)
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i wish i was born as someone who could handle life
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you ever hate when theres something that still haunts you? something you seriously cant seem to move on from? yeah, feels like im in a never ending cycle.
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Conversation I had in the mirror:
Why do you always ruin everything?
Why are you so hateful? So angry?
Why do you run from love when you crave it so much?
Why are you so cold and mean?
Why do you always have to be control?
Why do you destroy everything that might be good for you?
Why do you hurt people so terribly when they barely scraped you?
Why are you so desperate to be alone, when you crave connection?
Why do you abandon people so easily?
Why can’t you just accept that you might be good enough?
As my reflection stared back, I felt it then. My killer was me, living beneath my skin.
It’s all my fault. I ruined it. There is no one to blame but me. I’m the murderer of my own happiness. I carved a knife in my heart and cut it out, before anyone else could.
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Reminder that it wasn’t your fault, children cannot seduce adults or consent. There’s nothing a child can do that makes any adult somehow lose all control and hurt a child for their own gain. They made that choice deliberately, which I know can be a very painful reality to face.
Children cannot seduce adults. Children cannot consent to adults. Children are children and are not objects of desire.
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I am a prisoner in my own skin, succumbing to the anger that has ruined me, and seeks to ruin everything around me. I can’t control it. It consumes me. I lit myself on fire, burning myself and my surroundings, but I don’t know how to put it out. I became the monster I sought to destroy, and now it’s destroying me.
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I feel myself chipping away. A tightness in my chest at the horrible realization that I want more than this. I hold it all in, and I let myself wither, bit by bit, because I’m scared. I fear I’ve allowed myself to fall so deep into this hole that I can’t pull myself out. I’ve trudged along this path too far to go back and start again. So I do nothing. And with this, nothing changes. Misery is the only company I keep.
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death isnt enough. i need to never have existed
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yeah, sorry i exhibited symptoms of the disorder i told you i have. it will happen again because i have that disorder and will continue having it. hope this helps!! 🫶🫶🫶
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I hate how I am a “I have an appointment at 3pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.
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