savemefromthislonelyness

[savemefromthislonelyness]

via weheartit

[savemefromthislonelyness]

[savemefromthislonelyness]

11/4/19

it’s been a while since i posted here, on tumblr at all actually haha... I didnt really ever have a reason to post here anymore. Until now... My depression and anxiety have gone through the roof the past 2 months and now i am at an all-time low (pun intended). I feel fucking worthless and to top it all off, i have another crush. and this time, they are wAAAAAYYY out of my fucking league. They are just so nice, and pretty, and i swear we are so damn similar haha...... but there is no way they could ever like someone like me. especially since i am having a huge depressive episode. I dont want to drag them down, i know how that feels to be positive only to have someone close to you drag you down with being depressed. I am probably going to keep my depression talk away from them. I’ll still talk to them about my feelings, but probably not my depresso stuff. College has also been hell. I cant do it. I havnt gone to classes in almost a week now, and yet i still feel stressed even not being there. I just dont want to do it any more. I just want to get a job and not having to worry about stuff at home. i just hate it so much, i want to drop out so badly, but my parents wont let me. My mom was ok with it at first but now my dad got into her head and now she expects me to try better when i have been giving it my all already. I know if i just keep on trying harder i am going to run myself into the ground. it never works. It seems like my best is never enough. probably because i am never enough.... God i am so fucking useless. ive even been having scary thoughts again and it’s freaking me out. I want to talk to a therapist again, but the ones on campus can only book appointments 1-2 weeks out and i dont know if i can handle it for that long. I just want to get some sort of opinion. I dont want this to get worse but all of this college shit is just pulling me deeper and deeper, and keeps depression’s hands wrapped around my ankles and i cant seems to fucking shake them off. ....

i dont want to have these suicidal thoughts again... i want to have something to look forward too. But right now i see nothing. I hate how i can never see my future... it feels like someone has my entire chest in their fist and they keep squeezing, refusing to let go....

[savemefromthislonelyness]

Being high is an experience

First time being high, perfect day for it too

[savemefromthislonelyness]

2/15/19

no one cares about me

i know they dont

they are all better off without me

i know the truth

and they are all fucking lying to me face

i just want to stay here in my lonelyness, i dont want tomorrow to come

can it stay like this forever?

i just want to run outside

but i fucking cant because it is colder than a snowman’s ass cheeks outside

i bet no one will notice if i just disappeared

[savemefromthislonelyness]

Some vent art :)

gonna make this my pfp, i dont like using someone else’s art

[savemefromthislonelyness]

12/12/18

God... i feel like i have adhd... but my parents have already done years of testing when i was in elementary school.... am i just streying to look for something wrong with me???

UGH i just dont know how to esplain why i get so distracted, my terrible memory. my fidgeting.... 

[savemefromthislonelyness]

Like always

[savemefromthislonelyness]

[savemefromthislonelyness]

god, this is true 100% i never feel like i look like myself whenever i look in the mirror

I’m afraid of what I see in the mirror.

[savemefromthislonelyness]

[savemefromthislonelyness]

[savemefromthislonelyness]

[savemefromthislonelyness]

11/11/18

i really wish i knew how to cry

i dont know how to let my emotions out at all

i dont know how to do it in art

barely in writing(or at least not as detailed as i would like)

i keep my emotions hidden, and not on purpose-

[savemefromthislonelyness]

10/27/18

Wowie i feel like my art will never be worth anything and i will always be terrible at drawing :)

i have barely improved this year and i feel like i am getting nowhere with it-

also have been super stressed with college coming up. i dont even know where i want to go and what for. So i am so tempted to just die so i dont have to go. I never thought i would get this far anyways-

[savemefromthislonelyness]

10/20/18

I feel so bad for breaking someone’s heart... i really do... but i dont want to drag myself through a one sided relationship- i don’t want to fake loving someone to make them feel happy for however longer i kept it up. Faking it will just make it worse.

but she is so sad, i just want her to be happy-

*sigh*

[savemefromthislonelyness]