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Savannah smiled. "Don't mention it." She glanced around the room searching for some way to distract him. For now they needed to get as far away from the problem as possible and give him time to recover. He'd face it when he was ready. "Do you want to do something like we did in high school? I'm pretty sure I still have some of those board games we used to play or maybe my wii if I can find it." She chuckled, looking at him. "I'm pretty sure I can still kick your ass at mario cart."

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Jude half-stood to remove his coat properly, delicately laying it over the arm of the couch before sitting again. His vibe was nothing but closed off - sitting as if he were trying to make himself as small as he possibly could without holding his knees up against his chest. He was trying to either blank his mind completely or focus on anything but what was pressing against his temples, as if banging at his skull to let it out. Jude wanted to talk to Savannah… Wanted to explain everything. Though he didn’t want to risk another breakdown but he missed her presence - and he hadn’t been able to speak to his cousin for a little while - he really just missed being himself without restraint or fear of rejection or judgement. “Thanks.” A one word reply left his lips - a combination of appreciation for her getting the glass of water for him and the words that had followed.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

"Well he's not here. I mean unless he's hiding from me which I doubt." She leaned slightly closer, giggling. "He never was too good at hide and seek."

"Please use it on my cousin and not me," she laughed.

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Savannah burst out into giggles. "Of course! It's my one talent I have to use it sometime."

Must you splash me?

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

She laughed. "Exactly. Most people in their right mind are terrified of you I however am not in my right mind and am immune to your terrors." Savannah laughed aloud. She stuck her tongue out at him, acting like a elementary schooler as he said that. Then a cheeky grin spread across her face and she picked up a pillow and threw it at him lightly before hopping off the couch and heading towards the pizza. "It's perfect." She said with a smile, heading into the kitchen, bringing out two plates and setting them on the table before returning to the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?" 

Josh rolled his eyes, amused by her response, "I wouldn't say maybe. It's more like a definite, but I doubt they would attempt doing that last thing if they knows what's good for them." A sudden sense of relief washed over him as the realization that they weren't so out of sync as he once thought, this interaction proved it. "A little bit of both, if you want me to be honest here." A lopsided smirk appeared on his mouth afterwards as he walked towards the couch, plopping down beside her. "I went pretty standard, and just got pepperoni and cheese. Unless, you wanted something else or whatever.." It was weird, because with Savannah, he always wanted to satisfy, please her. She was his best friend, something he never took for granted and that was obvious.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

She smiled, walking into the kitchen and getting a glass down from the cupboard. "No, I don't mind." Her lips curled into a smile. "Besides I haven't gotten a chance to dote on anyone in a while. Josh surprisingly hasn't been sick much this year but when he is it's hilarious. He goes from German Shepard to Beagle in seconds." She laughed at the thought, pouring water into his cup. "You should meet him... I mean he takes a while to warm up to but once you do then I'm sure you'd like him." She turned and walked back to the couch, handing him the water. "Oh no don't worry. We all get like that sometimes and if you don't want to then we won't talk about it ever again after this, alright?"

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Jude stood a little awkwardly, hugging himself and staring at his feet as she opened the door for them and he slowly walked in after her. A touch of a smile played on his lips as he looked around the apartment - despite the distance they’d had apart and the time spent out of each other’s company - he could still tell where Savannah’s choices and touches had been made in regards to the furnishings and decor, whilst allowing her to guide him to the couch. “Water would be nice.” He told her, a little more of his normal tone in his words. “You don’t have to make a fuss over me, though.” Jude cleared his throat softly and looked down at his hands as he fiddled with one of the big buttons of his coat before undoing it. “Sorry about.. that.”

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

"But I'm bored, Xander." She whined. "And you said you were free today." 

Can’t you see I’m trying to read? Can you please not hover?

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

Savannah looked over at him briefly, hoping for at least some sign that he was feeling better. "It's here," She said, turning to a doorway and punching in a code. The door unlocked with a little beep and Savannah reached out and pulled the door open. "It's just- well it's on the second floor." She muttered quietly, hoping that they'd be able to make it. She tried to get through them as fast as possible and then pulled out her keys to unlock her door. "Right here," She muttered quietly, unlocking the door then helping him to the couch. "Can I get you anything? Water maybe? Would that help?"

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Jude hesitantly took her assistance, still feeling a little out of it and attempting to come back to his senses entirely whilst trying to focus on breathing normally again. He stumbled a little as he stood though was able to see straight after a moment. He honestly was just ready to have something to eat and maybe take a little nap - wanting to distract himself from his thoughts and memories that had been such a huge trigger. As they walked, Jude remained silent - just continuing to focus on his breathing.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

Savannah nodded, offering her hand to help him up. "It's right up here, just around the corner." She said, hoping to make him feel comfortable. Her apartment was clean... or at least she hoped it was. When she'd left this morning it was spotless the only question was if Joshua had trashed it or not.

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

After a few more minutes, Jude heard Savannah speak up again and he focused on what she was saying as he looked up toward her face for a moment. “That.. Uh.. That sounds good.” He all but whispered, voice incredibly soft and hesitant though he didn’t move. Not trusting his body entirely yet. He hadn’t had an attack that severe for a while - maybe not even for six months. He had them regular but never that bad - he could pull himself together and compose in a few short minutes whilst. Jude wasn’t even sure how much time had passed since this one had begun, he only hoped it wasn’t too long. As he continued to come to, he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. He’d done this in public - and in front of Savannah, not even an hour since she’d walked back into his life. And she was treating him as though nothing had changed.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

She wasn't sure what else to do. "What can I do?" She asked, softly. "What would help?" She was sure she had some more stuff in her bag like maybe a peppermint or some sort of candy? Would that help him at all? She wasn't sure. Her last panic attack had been over a month ago and she'd been able to leave and be able to go to her house and just lie down in a cool, dark room. Maybe that would help him? "Hey um my house is just up the street. If you think you could make it then maybe we can go there. You can lie down or just relax it might be easier." She offered him a reassuring smile, slightly nervous to see his response. He seemed to be doing better albeit only slightly but the threat of her needing to call an ambulance seemed to be waning. She was grateful. 

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

His old friend’s words were just barely registering in his mind, though it sounds warped, the overpowering sounds of his memories inhibiting his senses as he attempted to remember how to breathe properly. Next thing he knew, there was something being shoved into his unoccupied hand and he forced his eyes open to see what it was. The phone screen was shrouded in some form of digital fog and when Savannah slid a finger over it, it made the fog start to disappear to display the faintest bit of the image behind it - momentarily it registered that he was supposed to be removing the fog and so he slid his thumb over the screen to do just that.

For some reason, swiping away the fog had allowed him to focus on something and whilst he couldn’t think properly and he still felt as though he couldn’t breathe, Savannah’s arms around him - when had they gotten there? - and the promise of the beautifully coloured image behind the fog on the little screen seemed to make his heart rate slow a little and eventually the fog that had clouded his mind and taken control of his senses began to pass. 

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

She laughed out loud. "Depends who you ask." Her lips curled into a cheeky grin. "I mean I'm sure theres plenty of people who think you deserve less, maybe a solid glare or the stink eye or possibly even a punch to the jaw?" She shrugged. "You asked." She said after a moment as an explanation. She dodged the jacket as it landed next to her on the couch. "Ow!" She said, making a hurt expression in his direction. "Was that a coincidence or were you aiming for me?" She looked him in the eyes, jokingly asking for some sort of explanation then her eyes wandered behind him, settling on the pizza box."Oh! What did you get?" Savannah asked, suddenly energized, she jumped up off the couch and reached for the box. 

A Lazy Day I Savannah and Josh

The dark haired boy attempted to leave the grasps of his mother to no avail, spending the entire day with her was a weekly thing. There was nothing more that brought him immediate happiness, something that was rare to see in him now. He was much more dark in his behavior, his appearance that the older woman has taken notice and asked for a brighter color or two in his closet. Josh feigned a smile at the thought, a mental eye roll following suit. That was the past, something that was nonexistent at this point in his life. However, the conversation was interrupted by a familiar tune, one he knew all too well. Reaching for his phone in the pocket of his coat, he read Savannah’s text, and allowed himself to make a mental note about the pizza. He missed the company of his best friend, one of the people that actually mattered in his life. For two individuals living in the same apartment, they barely saw each other since there was such a weird concept of one coming in and the other going out. Josh then, finally, gave his mother’s his goodbyes, definitely not wanting to miss out on the opportunity like this. 

The boy called the pizza place near the apartment as he began to walk home, ordering the usual the two had. He weaved in between people, keeping himself under composure as he neared home. Paying for the food, he carried the two boxes upstairs and into his apartment, quickly. He breathed heavily, shutting the door with his foot before setting the boxes on the coffee table. He listened to Savannah speak, already amused by her words. “Hi, Josh. How are you?Fine, Savannah! Thanks for asking.” Josh spoke, the sarcasm in his voice hopefully noticeable, “I think I deserve a little more than what you’re giving me, don’t you?” He asked, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and throwing it onto the couch. 

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

Savannah froze, as an alarm went off. What she had originally presumed to be something small that was bothering him must have been much larger that she'd anticipated. What had happened? It had to be something involving his parent or Carson? "Jude?" She asked, panic clear in her voice. "Jude?" She knew what this was. A panic attack. She'd had a fair few in her day but none that were this bad. She pulled out her phone, handing it to him and opening an app. "Look at the screen, alright? See the fog? Move your finger around to clear it." It seemed silly, in fact it seemed insane but she knew that it was one of the few things that helped her calm down. "Do you want headphones? I have a relaxing playlist on my phone.... it's supposed to help calm you down. I have a pill too if you really need it and some stuff to smell that helps you relax." She wrapped her arms around him, gently rocking him slightly. "It's okay. Whatever it is... it'll be okay. I'm here." 

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Jude was oh so grateful that they were sitting as Savannah continued to speak. He had to grab at the seat for support to stop himself from doubling over and throwing up onto the ground. He felt shivers run through his body as it almost felt as though the breaths were kicked from his lungs - just as they had been on that dreadful night. Her mention of his brother and the potential for such a wonderful future he’d missed out on, coupled with the images, thoughts and memories he’d been trying to repress had forced everything to come flashing back to his fore-thoughts in an almost violent way.

He’d been free from one for a long time but the overload had sent him into a panic attack - and he hadn’t quite processed what was going on. He felt as though he couldn’t breathe properly and tears begun to stream down his face - lids closed as memories of the night flashed behind them. His body shook a little and his hand’s grip on the side of the seat was beginning to turn his knuckles white. Something in the back of his mind was yelling at him to compose himself and continuing to remind him that he should have left when he’d felt this building.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

A Lazy Day I Savannah and Josh

She was being lazy, a common occurrence. She had no work or classes so she stayed home, watching old reruns of nineties TV shows. She was hungry but she didn't have the energy to get up and get something plus she was pretty sure the only things in the fridge were vegetables because she was at the ending of one of her many health kicks (meaning a period of time where she decided she wanted to be really heathy and 'cleanse her body' so she bought a bunch of veggies and went to the gym everyday for about two weeks). She pulled out her phone, sending a text message. 

To: Joshy You better be bringing home a pizza. I'm hungryyyyy

She placed her phone on the table and glanced up at the clock. Usually he was home around now. Hopefully he wouldn't be too long. Her eyes wandered back to the TV as she was drawn back into the drama that surrounded Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe's lives. She hadn't watched this show in a while... it but it reminded her of a time when life was simpler. A time when it was just she and Jude up against the world. Of course she'd grown since then and he had too but she did hope that they'd be able to go back to the way things once were. She missed him.

She heard the door open and she sighed over dramatically. "Took you long enough. Did you get my text?" 

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Savannah hesitated a moment, waiting him to continue but not wanting to push him. “Why don’t we change the subject?” She said after a brief pause. “How are your parents? And Carson did he ever get to-” She froze, searching for the word she was trying to find. “-help people? I mean he never really decided on a specific group to help.” She said with a slight laugh, recalling a memory. “He just wanted to help everybody. Oh! Does he have a girlfriend now? Or a wife?” She smiled, recalling a time when she once cast herself in that role. That time was long past now even though she still found him a teensy bit attractive.

"Wow. I must sound so creepy." Savannah said, chuckling slightly. "I don’t know. I just missed you guys. I want to know what you’re up to and stuff."

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Jude inhaled sharply and bit his lips closed as she touched his shoulder, only narrowly avoiding flinching away from the touch though knowing that he had to attempt some form of resolve. He swallowed hard when Savannah questioned him then suggested an alternative - something in him wanted to accept so badly. Part of him just wanted to hang out with the girl that once was his best friend, just as they’d hung out those few years ago. Though something else that seemed to be taking the reins was telling him to refuse and just leave. It reminded him that though only a few short years had passed, the events that had filled them felt like a lifetime had passed.

The same internal debate had been going on since the moment he’d realised it was Savannah sitting at the table before him as he did his job. As much as he wanted to patch things up with her - as bad as he felt for not helping her through her eating disorder - the threat of an emotional breakdown on his behalf was brewing and he didn’t want to risk it. Especially when Savannah was not even remotely aware of what had happened since she’d left. “It’s.. I.. Uh..” He stuttered, clearing his throat again, not sure how to tell her a single thing passing through his mind.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

Savannah narrowed her eyebrows. Now she was sure something was up. What wasn't he telling her? She reached out to touch his shoulder, a comforting gesture. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. Just know I'm here for you alright?" Her voice was quiet. She wanted to say something about  not leaving again but she was scared it'd come off as odd. "Oh," She said quietly, trying to keep the hurt off her face. 

She suspected he might dodge it but leaving entirely.... well... she wasn't prepared for that... especially since she'd just gotten him back. "Are you sure you have to go?" She asked, trying not to sound pathetic. "I mean... if you don't have to you could come to my place... maybe watch a movie or something?" 

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Despite her words of reassurance, he couldn’t help the unease crawling beneath his skin at the fact that he’d essentially made her deal with that kind of thing on her own. Though once his eyes finally focused on hers again and Jude slowly registered what Savannah had asked, he almost felt as though he was going to slip into autopilot again - just as he had in the past. It’d have been foolish for anyone to believe that the boy was okay after his brother’s passing, though for a while he managed to convince everyone that he was. He’d felt numb to the day’s events and just passing through the days in silence by the habitual force he’d been following around for far too many years. His nights had been filled with terror after terror - scarcely being able to keep his lids closed for more than half an hour before some other sadist image was flashing behind his eyelids.

"I am fine." Jude breathed out finally, realizing that he may have hesitated a moment too long as he lit himself glance up toward her eyes again. It took him a moment to realise that the reason he couldn’t look into Savannah’s eyes for so long was partially because they only reminded him of the torment he’d forced their bullies to endure for the rest of their lives. He felt horrid for the sheer fact that he didn’t even feel remotely guilty. "I.. As great as this has been.. I.. I.. Uh.. I forgot that I had to.. To go take this thing.. to my Mom. She.. Uh.. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks.. and.. Yeah.." He’d reached up to scratch at the back of his neck, honestly just craving out of the social situation so as to not taking anymore flashes back to the past. Though after he’d spoken, Jude knew that he’d messed up. He’d never been grand at spontaneous and developed dishonesty.

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Savannah was having a lazy day. All morning she'd sat in the living room watching reruns of old Friends episodes and eating cereal. She had planned to go out with a friend but at the last minute she'd been cancelled on. So she figured this was as good of a way to spend a day as any. She was just getting comfortable on the couch once more (after getting her phone from her room) when she heard a knock. 

She frowned slight. Were she and Josh expected a package? Had he ordered something? Maybe it was something for her birthday... that was coming up in a few months. Savannah walked to the door but instead of seeing a person she saw a flyer. She picked it up, examining it. It was beautiful, all swirling colors, rides and pictures of people having fun. In the corner were words, written quickly with a black marker. I thought you would like this. She smiled to herself. Whoever sent this knew her well. She looked around, searching for a person then she saw him, strolling away. She'd know him anywhere. "Joseph?" She asked, her voice coming out slightly confused. He'd done this? But why? She thought he didn't like her. 

"Hey!" She called, grabbing her keys, shutting her door and running to catch up with him. "Thank you." She said, as soon as she made it to him. "This was really nice of you." Her lips curled into a smile. "Seriously, I was just planning on sitting around bored all day. Thank you." She repeated, her eyes twinkling. "Would you like to come? I mean of course you need to come with me. It was your idea and an amazing one at that. I couldn't go alone."

Fair Enough || Savannah

Joe didn’t know why he was here. He was at her door…again. He was at happy, giddy, kind, Savannah’s door. The monsters around him mocked him. Joseph didn’t care about her- he didn’t. No way. Glancing at the colorful flyer in his hands, Joe started to question what brought him to her doorstep. What if Joshua answers? What if she answered? Holding up the flyer, ready to rip it into tiny pieces, Joseph had a sudden pause.

He wouldn’t sign his name. That way, Savannah didn’t know it was from him. He nodded, already liking his masterful plan. He took out a black sharpie, and with his messy writing, Joseph scribbled, “I thought you would like this.” Again, he questioned whether or not to sign his name. In the end, he decided against it, knowing that Savannah would never let it go. It was just a stupid fair. A stupid fair with fairy floss, balloons, and rides. Yeah, she’d enjoy that…not that he cared. 

Joseph walked up to her door, set the flyer down, and knocked. Then with a medium speed, turned around and walked off, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. 

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

She avoided eye contact as he made the connection in his mind. She couldn't bear to look, to see the emotions that would be displayed on his face. So she concentrated on his hand, making sure she's bandaged it properly and that it was clean. 

"Oh," She said simply. Wait why was he apologizing. "Wait no. Why are you apologizing. It has nothing to do with you. It was me and it's over." She took a breath, making eye contact. "I'm fine now." She hesitated a moment. Would she say it? "But you- you don't seem fine. Did something happen after I left?" She watched him closely, looking for behaviour to suggest a response in case he avoided the question. He was different. There was something subdued about this Jude, tentative, almost as if he was waiting for her to lash out on it. "You can tell me," She offered, her voice soft.

'cause we're all broken || jude && savannah

Slowly but surely, Jude started to piece things together in his mind. He’d been aware of her going to the bathroom after every lunch break through the start of high school. He really hadn’t thought much about it, figuring it was some kind of girl thing and he was too polite to ask. Though during the summer just before Junior year, he noticed her minimized appetite and had tried to steer her in a better direction though obviously he had been oblivious to the extremity of the situation. He’d been sitting with Savannah in chemistry when she’d stopped talking suddenly and the next thing he knew, she’d almost fallen head first off the side of her stool. It’d been the most terrifying moment in his life up until a few months later. After that day, she’d responded to his texts for something like a week and then had just stopped.

The ache that hit his chest as the realization sunk in stooped so low that it left an ill feeling in his stomach. Jude’s best friend had been going through such an awful situation and he hadn’t done a thing to help. Hell - he hadn’t even realized! What kind of best friend did that? Savannah dealing with the internal bullies as well as those at school everyday - he didn’t blame her mother for moving her. 

"I’m so sorry." He breathed out softly after a moment, hardly noticing the little sting that the ointment had caused on contact with his wounds. Her words were travelling through his mind in muffled blurs almost as if he were listening to her from underwater and as he realized, he’d had to close his eyes for a moment to attempt to focus again as he couldn’t use his nails in that moment as he always did. Present moment. He reminded himself, focusing on the chill in the air to level his mind before he could finally open his eyes to look into Savannah’s cool green eyes.

[savannah-catt-blog-blog-blog]

"Oh,' She said simply, unsure what to say."Poseidon is my patron." She suggested after a moment.Her eyebrows furrowed together at the mention of her stepsisters name. His behavior had turned odd somehow and Savannah's curiosity was ignited. She knew better than to pry into Liz's life but at the same time she couldn't help but ask.  "Liz? How do you and she know each other?"

He chuckled softly, rising his brows with her smile. “I’m only twenty,” he chirped intrepidly. “And, my patron is the lovely Athena.” His gaze blinked up the sky with a courteous smile. He returned to looking at Savannah, licking his lower lip. The names she suggested weren’t significant figures in Aaron’s life as only a quiet bell rang in his mind. Regardless of that, he wouldn’t have paid much attention to any other ideas of hers. He knew precisely who struck her inquisition. The identify of the individual was pictured in his mind with rather venereal ties, causing an uncomfortable clench of his jaw. “Elizabeth Daniels.”