satyrcrusader

[satyrcrusader]

Witchcraft

Also while I’m talking about brain stuff who else does this to hold onto a phone number someone rattled off too fast

[satyrcrusader]

I bet it feels good as fuck to activate countermeasures

[satyrcrusader]

Boobs

Time-tested methods to motivate Harrow to live:

Burden of keeping her house up and running

Tying the souls of hundreds of innocents to her continued existence and success

Hot girl in a coma

Tying the soul of a hot girl to her continued existence and success

Sheer spite

Time-tested methods to motivate Gideon to live:

???

[satyrcrusader]

Not everyone has homies, you know. The homieless if you will.

”you’re in a room with three men but you feel totally safe; who are they?”

I hate this question. They’re my homies, probably, the fuck? Why are you people saying the marauders and the guys from Supernatural?

[satyrcrusader]

I somehow misread the ask as "what are your thoughts on game of thrones" and i dont know how my brain did that.

What are your thoughts on Gnomes?

mostly positive. although their mischievous behaviours may inadvertently step on some toes i truly believe gnomes as a whole are pure of heart

[satyrcrusader]

I tell the scorpions in my home. "Sorry, i know your life has value, but my cats mean more to me, so unfortunately, im going to kill you now."

I am immune to all posts that try to guilt-trip people for killing bugs in their home like "I know I'd hate to be killed by someone so much larger and more powerful than me just because I scared them, does it make it okay to kill something for the crime of being small" because like. A whale is a thing that exists. If a whale killed me, by accident or on purpose, obviously I wouldn't be jazzed about dying, but I wouldn't really hold it against the whale. I don't expect a whale to hold my life in particularly high regard. In fact I would think it was kinda weird if it did. This is why I don't go near whales

[satyrcrusader]

I need a mockumentary "locked tomb 2 1/2" movie about Gods Throne or whatever his ship was called.

I bet all the Cohort officials are sick to death of the Tower Princes. Imagine being forced to work for a shitty 20 year old nepo baby with a perpetually bad attitude because she can't get over her ex and her horrible toxic frenemy/rebound who has the personality of a snake trapped in a pillowcase. And you can't say shit about it because they are literally god's kid and a saint respectively.

Meanwhile god is busy crashing out and banging his way through your coworkers.

[satyrcrusader]

I dont get the point of this blog. Im just gonna answer "yes" no matter who they are, like why WOULDNT karen and glaados fuck? 27.9% percent of you are cowards

[satyrcrusader]

Why do people hate porn so much anyway? Like oooh a woman gets paid take her close off and fuck oh nooo 👻

“men cannot imagine a world without porn” no actually I cannot. good luck on trying to create that.

[satyrcrusader]

Reblog if you have various mental illnesses ill go first

[satyrcrusader]

No! All people must fit into these *very* specific categories that were dictated to me by the previous generation for totally unbiased and apolitical reasons for realsies!

things I keep seeing that annoy me: the ahistorical idea that women suffer men’s sexuality and don’t ever want it. That any kind of contraception is a sacrifice cis women make because cis men won’t wear condoms - when there’s definitely women who enjoy it without just because or for kink reasons. That no woman would endure the side effects of the pill or other things if it wasn’t due to a noble sacrifice

That “poor grandma had 10 children because grandpa can’t control himself!”. So what about women who really liked sex? Yes of course it happened to some couples, I’m not gonna pretend it’s all sunshine and rainbows. But through all of humanity people wanted sex and tried their best to have it without resulting in children. Do you think no woman was ever horny? Queen Victoria herself wrote about how much she was attracted to Prince Albert despite not liking pregnancy. Do you think no man ever despaired over his dear wife’s health from a hard pregnancy? Or the horror of going through all that just to lose most of your children in infancy?

it’s just this weird crap of ALL men are sexual aggressors and ALL women are sexless victims. There’s always going to be people who are mutually horny and want sex despite a risk of pregnancy or STIs or social stigma. It’s just that the first two have only become reliably preventable in the last century or so. It’s a step down the slope of rad fem crap to pretend otherwise

[satyrcrusader]

Ah i forgot the piles

sigh, to get all sentimental on a pile of stuff with your moirail,,

[satyrcrusader]

Dont react just block dont react just block dont react just block

[satyrcrusader]

I feel like this art pieces is solely responsible for the obnoxious number of bear attacks in that fucking game

Bear Encounter

Concept for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Art by Ray Lederer

[satyrcrusader]

You can acknowledge that beautiful people are beautiful without being attracted to them, but this is still very funny to consider

Gideon Nav at any given point: Palamedes' eyes were a perfectly lambent grey: unflecked, unmurked, even and clear. He had the eyes of a very beautiful person. His eyes were like lustrous grey stone. Palamedes' gorgeous grey eyes. His eyes really were extraordinary. She was struck by the intensity in his intelligent grey orbs. Palamedes' eyes—

Also Gideon Nav: I like women

[satyrcrusader]

The thing about 6 year okd knowledge is theres a lot of brain damage that can accumulate between 6 and 26

am i wrong ???? like i feel like knowing that "when its summer in the northern hemisphere its winter in the southern hemisphere" is absolutely assumed knowledge for all global citizens connected by the internet..... like 1 this is information you learnt when you were 6 and 2 if youre online you interact with australians kiwis and with south americans and with south africans and people from the southern hemisphere all the time. how can you not know this basic knowledge

[satyrcrusader]

ponderous guy whose pronouns are huh/hmm