satiricalrunner

[satiricalrunner]

#14 Detraining mode & keeping myself and others sane

I am in momentary detraining mode. So, to keep myself sane I am running with my tapering friends and helping them stay a little sane as well. It has been really fun to run with friends that are tapering for a race in Richmond. Some are running the half and one running the full marathon. The one I have run with or around the most has been the one running the full. This is a big one for her. No, it’s not this persons’ first, but it’s a big one. It’s been a pleasure watching this person make the choice to return to distance training successfully (aka injury free) for it. All of this while keeping a positive attitude, making good choices and coming out of her social shell. This person has helped me out a lot over my training this past year.  I hope I was able to return the favor. The past week has been my first week of really not training. This is interesting for me. It’s been since at least 2016 since I have not been actively engaged in a training cycle for something be it a 5k, 10k, 10miler, 12 miler, half marathon, full marathon, or a 50k.  I will admit this is strange for me. Soo much time and energy on my damn hands. I know it’s needed but it’s fucking hard, almost as hard as training. I made an agreement with myself and my coach, that I would take the rest of the month easy and just run to run when I feel like it and nothing really hard or really long.  It’s harder than I thought to keep those terms. So far so good. I have a tattoo appointment set up to help keep me honest on this. What’s next for me? Fixing my diet, doing some strength training, waiting to hear back if I get into a couple races. When I find out about those then I will lay out the rest of my 2020. This week should be a nice easy run with some gym time thrown in. Who knows maybe a surprise thrown in!! Until next time.

[satiricalrunner]

#13 Flying Dog 10k & Train Ride up to NYC Marathon

First cold morning run was had on Sat. Frost glistened off the grass and cars. You can see the breath of the runners lining up waiting to go. Some of these runners I trained with, struggled with on the hill repeats, pushed on the track with; some used to only run on a treadmill, some this is there first 10k, others it’s the longest run they have ever done. Each one inspired me at some point whether they know it or not.

The event was sooooo much fun from start through the course to after party. Flying Dog was a great venue. The course has some rolling hills a nice chunk on a wonderful paved path.  For me it was a great day. My legs are still recovering from last weekend, but still performed well. I was able to keep a good pace.

The best part of this was seeing all these fellow group members perform soo well. Watching them finish with a smile, getting that PR, completing their first 10k or their longest run EVER. Huge congrats to all of them. I hope they take some time to enjoy their huge accomplishments. That is something I don’t do particularly well. I think my next training cycle I will focus on that a little bit more.

 The after-race aspect of things is a struggle for me. It always has been. I cross the finish line with a smile (sometimes not), get my medal/mug, beer and food.  Hang out talk about it for a few hours. Then my mind switches over and it’s on to the next thing. That next thing may not even be a race; it may be a social event. What I just did not even 3 hours before is in the rear-view fading away.  Just as an example I finished the 50k and on the car ride home I am thinking about trying to plan another event.  So, I need to learn how to live in the moment more and realize some of these things I do are not normal and are something to be proud of. It’s NOT normal to run 26.2 miles for fun. It’s not normal to run 34.6 miles for fun and finish with a smile on your face.

I guess my head is just wired differently. I am more excited/happy/proud of my friends doing these things that I am of myself. Like right now as I write this I am on a train to cheer on a few friends running the NYC Marathon, one it was her first marathon. I am more excited for her as she sits on Staten Island waiting for her wave to get called up to the bridge and start her run. I get chills thinking about that.  When I was on that island myself waiting I felt nothing but a calm focus, doing a “systems ops check”.

Now don’t get me wrong I had an absolute blast running those 26.2 miles last year. I took live streams and pics to keep me in the moment and I remember just about every step. From Frank singing “New York, New York” to the insane crowds in Brooklyn soo loud you can feel the energy in your chest to dead silence on the Queensboro Bridge, to madness hitting 1st ave with the wall of sound, to the music in Spanish Harlem, to the crowds coming down 5th to, to the finish.  That is a race that I will never forget and want to do again, I don’t have many races I would love to run again but NYC Marathon is one.  Fuck I wanna run now I have soo much excitement and energy.

That is enough for this blog

[satiricalrunner]

#12 Event day PV50K

If you have been following along you know I had an event this past weekend. For me this marks the end of my heavy training cycle for a year or so. The event was The Patapsco Valley 50k (PV50) my first Ultra Marathon and after letting it sit for a few days, I will say probably not my last.  This race was on the trails. It was the longest mileage and time I have ever spent running. It was a tough and fun course.

The event itself was a lot of fun. I got my welcome to UltraMarathoning about 16/17 miles in when I missed a turn and ended up 3-4miles (round trip) off course. All these miles are estimates as there are no mile markers on the course or anything. I ended up with 4400 Ft of elevation gain, where the route posted says 2930.  The terrain was very rocky for the majority of it.  The aid stations and volunteer support was amazing!!! We had such a good options of stuff at the aid stations; everything from bacon, chocolate chip pancakes, to chips, to PB&J, to pickles, to RedBulls, to Soda and did i say bacon? It was great to be able to see, talk to and hang out for a few mins with some of my friends that came out to support me. That was a really welcomed boost at the 21(25 for me) mile point.

The food and beer at the finish was fantastic. I love that they had a vegetarian chili option as well as a tasty pulled pork sandwich and a Local microbrew ipa there. There was plenty for every runner and then some.

That was a brief overview now thoughts throughout:

miles 0-10

Fun, not too hilly

Saw some cool shit, burnt out house, ruins, half a deer the norm

Fantastic aid station and volunteers

Rolled my ankle pretty bad around mile 7, felt/heard a pop then foot went numb for a bit

a few small streams to cross

Miles11-25

on and off pain in the ankle

minor cramping different places

crossed the Patapsco thigh high water felt soo good and cold

went through a Seminary then missed a turn ended up with a 3-4mile round-trip detour to get back on course

Things got really rocky and very hilly very fast on the other side of the river

Seeing my wife and friends at the mile 21 aid station was a much needed lift and just plain fun to see them and get to hang out for a few mins then off i went

Miles 26-Finish (34.4)

Was a lot of the same at the first 10 but seemed a bit more challenging this time around. Just no half a deer

Helped push a fellow runner to the finish

came down that finish shoot finished with a big smile on my face

mind kinda went hazy for a bit, don't remember a lot of the details

We hung out and talked and had some food and a beer before heading home for pizza, beer, etc.

That is enough for today. Maybe the next post will be my sarcastic thoughts of this event.

[satiricalrunner]

#11 Event Week

Taper time!! At this point in my training cycle for anything over a half is always the same. Soo much energy with no outlet. This is never that fun for me (or my wife for that matter, just ask her about taper time she will gladly tell you. LMFAO). Then next creeps in the thoughts. The thoughts of why did I decide to do this? Have I trained enough? Did I train hard enough? Will I make the cut off? I know these thoughts are not my real my rational mind. I can answer all of these questions. So let me take them one at a time.

Why did I decide to do this? For the chance to get a god damn hand made ceramic Mug. That is the simple boiled down answer. The more in depth answer is I am chasing a feeling. That feeling you can only get once. The feeling of completing a distance that first time. The pain that comes with pushing yourself beyond what you have before. Then the emotional and adrenaline dump that happens when you cross that line at x distance for the first time. That feeling is amazing but for me and my addictive personality its enough for that day maybe the next month. But then thoughts move to what is the next challenge.

Have I trained enough? Of course. I have, injury set back and all. While this was not the training I wanted, its the training I got. Accept the injury set back. Recover from the injury. Then adapt, overcome, move on. In the word of Jocko Willink "Good" now I get to re-group, refocus, prepare to push and test my limits faster and harder than normal and prove to me that I am mentally tough and physically resilient.

Did I train hard enough? Hell, yes I did. I did what my coach instructed me, to best of ability. Always trust what coach prescribes and do it exactly as told. Hell, even when I got injured i finished the workout (more out of necessity, kinda have to when it happens in the middle of the woods on a trail, nothing you can do but move forward).

Will I make the cutoff? Well this one I can't answer for sure since I haven't done it yet.  My training says hell yes so I default to that. Yes, I will make it. The hard cut off is at mile 21 6:30:00. Then the course for official cut off is 10:00:00 for 50K.

Nothing left to do, but to do the fucking thing. Run through water crossings, up and down some hills, by a waterfall and through what’s left of an old mill. Just move forward at all costs.

With that all said Lets Fucking Get after it.

[satiricalrunner]

#10 Back at the Grind

Another week down the crazy rabbit hole of my first 50k training. This training cycle for me has been anything but normal. It has everything from working under the Devil Woman, to dealing with nasty humidity and heat, to no real running in the rain.  The no rain is abnormal for me. Just about every long distance training cycle I have been a part of I have ran the vast majority of my long runs in the rain.  But the big mother fucker with this one is right when my high mileage weeks started to crank up I had an injury.

This injury was a little bit of the universe saying “Here you go you little bastard.  We can't let you go a full year with great training, hitting your first sub 2hour half marathon all the way into your first 50k without a knuckle ball.” Soo I was doing a tempo run on the trail one evening and about 30 mins in I got a sharp pain, then a burning sensation in my left calf. The pain didn't bother me, the burning did! I know that burning usually equates to a tear of something. I was in the middle of a point to point trail run so I had to keep moving forward, this is not ideal but had to be done. If I had been on the road, I would have stopped and called for a ride. This was trail so I had to go on. This is where the horseshoe I keep up my ass (and tattooed on my arm) came into play…I didn't do terrible damage.

This happened on a Thurs. I tried to run a race that Sat. I chose against advice from Satan's mistress to run 2 miles before the race. In my head I thought “better to know I can't do it and something is really wrong then to start the race and be stuck on the course broken”. At last if I couldn't start I knew I had a ride to the finish. I got my DNS. Making that choice was hard, but it wasn't my race.

I went to the Dr that wed they said I had a small tear where the Achilles attaches to the calf so I should rest for 7-10 days. This was a setback but not a knock out. I am still in for the 50k. It will not be the Race I wanted, but this is the race I get. So this past week training was tough. I had to make a jump from a 10 mile to a 16 mile long run. This was a rough jump and not normal so I just had to do it carefully. I was sore, but nothing is terrible especially for the course I had to do. It was handed up from the depths of hell and passed on to me by none other than the Devil woman herself. It was every damn hill in Timonium in a cool temps, but high humidity.

Now onto my 20 miler this week. Lets get it.

[satiricalrunner]

#9 A dreadful event

I have been absent from here as I try to decide the direction I want to go with this. I feel the story line i was running with has done its course.  I have been coming back from an injury at an accelerated rate due to the finish line being about 31 days away now.  What follows isn't really sarcastic or even a story it’s what actually went down.

This past weekend was an event. I won't name it because of how poorly it was run. Things they couldn't control, but could have prepared for: the 90 degree heat on a sunny day that was in the forecast for at least a week, idiots on the course. Now here is where they screwed the pooch. God where to start with this shit storm. Well let’s start with the lack of signage or ease of getting to and using the gear drop area, the inadequate set up to start time for some teams, the total lack of simple communication when they had a fucking stage with a mic that they could have made announcements from, the lack of food items, and lack of taking the oppressive heat into consideration with start/finish times. How about the completely inadequate Medic tent with two broken ass camping chairs some ice (if they weren't out) and BP cuff.  Failure to communicate the plan if the team (which mine wouldn't have even been close) wasn't going to finish on time. We only found out because we overheard two of the staff talking about it. There is more, but why say anything else in a list.

Moving on to the actual running. The course on a normal day or at night would have been fantastic but not on a day with zero clouds and no cover. In fact, a Beat the Sun Up event would have been AMAZING. But in 90 degrees if felt more like running in the 7th level of hell playing grab ass with Satan and his harem of demon whores then getting half way through and realizing your never gonna get any release. Finish running your first leg and you go sit and try to cool down and relax and refuel while trying not end up meeting your maker. This was significantly harder than was anticipated as it felt like a dragon was breathing on you. Don't go trying to find cold water or ice, There was none, but what you did find was water from the fire hydrant run through a filter(actually doesn't upset me just needed a little touch from Elsa) . I am glad I insisted on my group to bring their own. On the course, there was one water stop and (I may have missed it) no race officials watching the condition of the runners. This whole thing just felt unsafe. Once you did finish your allotted legs it was immediately time to break down camp and head out.

From what I have read and people I have talked to, this was not an enjoyable event at all. From point of ingress all the way to egress, lack of direction on either point was terrible. Just felt thrown together last min all willie nillie.  One food truck for options, no misting tents or even a damn sprinkler.    

I have been a part of multiple events by this company. This far and away was the worst organized one I have been to. I have never seen such lack of communication from them. This really felt like a money grab at the expense of the runners and their safety.  It really makes me start to wonder if I want to support them anymore. There are other companies now offering the type of events.

I could keep going, but why? You all get the point. On the plus side my injury seems to be healed up so the training will ramp up and the next blog will be back to more normal broadcasting.

Just three more words.

Fuck This Event.

[satiricalrunner]

#8 A bit late and a bit short

Once upon a time in Lutherville-Timonium, the sadistic blonde was sitting in her stronghold. She was quite too quiet pondering being called soft. Let me pause here and take you back to the land of Baldwin where there was a splendid party (of the pool variety). During said party, a comment (in jest) was made about the she-devil maybe flipping sides a bit. A splendid time was had by all in attendance. But she filed it away in her mental file-a-fax.  Even though it was said in jest this didn't sit well with her. So after much thought she concocted a plan that would suit her subjects well, for the thought of her being perceived as soft didn't sit right.  

Tues night we learned that we all pay the price for one person calling her soft, in any way, shape or form. In true team form, where one goes we all go. Poor choice of words equated to a warm-up of sprints and planks. This set the tone for a workout that shall be called I Am Not Fucking Soft…Workout. This workout was a statement, but then the next run was on flat ground.

For some, this was great. For others, this is absolute hell. For me, I despise flat and the NCR. This run was both of those. Fortunately for me I am on IR. The gods have slightly forsaken my Achilles as I have aligned myself with the dark one for a few years now. I see it as time to pay the price for allegiances.

Sunday the running god continues to laugh at me. As I watched, all my amazing and fellow students of the Dark One racked up awards at an amazing race while all I could do is stand by and cheer them on. This week should see my return to the masses of pavement/trail pounders.

[satiricalrunner]

#7 CS12

Track day for some of us the day was an easy 30 mins, others it was 800s and even a select couple it was a wonderful mix of 200s and a 1200. At least the weather gods were in our favor and counter acted the will of the Devil Woman. This day was not one of hell and torment but one of encouragement and jubilation, for the group knew it was time we had to take instruction from our strict leader in the cycle.   For me Thurs was a tempo run day. On this day, the powers of good struck a blow against me for my alliance with the Queen of the Damned. I take and accept this I will overcome the attempt to thwart me from my goal under the all-seeing, oppressive eye of the Queen. She will lay in wait for me to return, then embark on a whole new level of punishment.  But what the sadistic bitch doesn’t realize is that it will make me ready and stronger to take whatever sweet fresh hell she throws at me. Once again, the bubbly demonic blonde leader called in one last favor from her weather god buddies. The weather on race day was a bit humid and sunny but nowhere near the hell she had us fucking training in. On this day, she and The Good Witch Glinda were united in good to help every one of us complete the race strong. For some of us, it was the longest run of our lives, others, it was part of a longer run, and some it was a relay.  For me, it was my first DNS (Did Not Start). That was a really tough choice for me, but the Succubus and her blonde ally helped me see through the fog and make the correct choice on this day. I was able to join a crew of others and cheered on everyone until the last one of our group came across that finish line. From the first person to the last person every single fucking member of this group put in the hard work, the blood, the sweat, the cuss words (don’t lie, I know y’all did) and cursing the day we all paid for the services from Satan’s Mistress herself.  The most impressive part of that finish line was the way that as people finished our cheer squad grew all the way until the end.

[satiricalrunner]

#6 The Hilly Rd To and From Hell

This week the blonde-haired head witch herself brought us to the hills for our last hard workout. We start on a hot and steamy Tuesday, heading to her favorite road for hill repeats.  Fucking Cinder Road…what a perfect name of a road for our descent deep into her natural habitat.  For many of us this is the last hard workout before race day. Under the watchful eye of the dark one, the group bites down and grinds this workout out. The grumbles can be heard about how this sucks, this shit never gets easy and where is the devil woman so I can avoid her urge to push my ass even harder. The workout mercifully ends with every participant dripping sweat, energy all spent and questioning life choices. Thursday brings us to the final “fun” run preview. This time we are left to our own devices to complete this one. Even without her physical presence we all know she is watching us intensely from afar. Yet again Satan’s Mistress used her relationship with Thor to hold off the violent thunderstorms until after the run, all the while keeping the hot, humid and thick air oppressed upon us gleeful runners. This run was the last part of the race. The run itself was sweat drenched. As requested by the Queen the storms held out until after we all finished the run. After the run the sky opened up with heavy rain, thunder and lighting. The long run was our hilly ascent back out of her home territory. This route is a favorite of mine (in this case it was soo nice I just had to do it twice) the weather was fan-fucking-tastic. This weather was sent from God directly as a reward/parting gift for our time under the rule of Satan’s mistress. In the end, we all have endured under her unrelenting claw.  The sweat, the tears, the blood, and the cussing has done its job and each of us are ready for the race. The longest of the long runs, by design, was made harder than the race itself. We all will crush it for we have no choice as our blonde headed tour guide will be stalking us all the while, ready to bark out orders to correct us if we stray from her teachings.  

[satiricalrunner]

#5 The Return of the Queen

The Return of the Queen of the Damned. As she ascended from her home on the inner levels of hell she brought the heat and humidity (damn sight near 100%) with her. We gathered at the track and awaited her sadistic instructions. In all honesty, this ladder workout is my all-time favorite track workout. It’s a special form of torcur concocted from the depth of her twisted mind. This workout is as follows 200m/200m, 400m/400m, 800m/800m, 1600m/1600m, 800m/800m, 400m/400m, 200m/200m followed by a plank stack. For those of you following at home that adds up to 6 miles from hell. We started with some group warmup then right into the working phase. With our demonic blonde tour guide watching (a glimmer in her eye), knowing we are about to start our rather quick decent into her lair.   She just watches on with a touch of schadenfreude as we all slowly melt into the track. She barks out time remaining. Is it me or does it seem like one time when I pass her she yells out x time then the next time y time and the y time is longer then the x time. The sadist mind fuck is that she enjoys doing that to all of us.  When it’s finally time to end, she summons us around her. The cool down, yeah cool down my ass, is a plank stack. I say with confidence that we all were in misery, dripping with sweat just wanting the work out to end.

Thursday she once again summoned her paying subjects to join in of a bonus “fun” run. Fun is an interesting word for us under the control of Satan’s mistress. For her, the pure enjoyment of watching us mortals suffer under her guidance is bliss, for she knows it will just make us better suited for race day. For us, it usually entails the misery of a tempo run and unforgiving heat and humidity. Once again she didn’t disappoint calling upon Mother Nature to provide us with both. This preview run is my least favorite, but it is necessary to know the course. For the last long run, the bitch called up the weather from the 3rd layer of hell. It didn’t matter if you were running on Charles Street or on the Trails of Norther Baltimore County. The air was soo thick with humidity you could see it.  Couple that with the rising temperatures as the fire hell ball raises from the horizon. By the end of the run, no matter the distance or location, we all are dripping with sweat to the extent it looked like we just got out a pool. With each week, she makes us stronger, tougher and more than ready to destroy the race in her honor. There is method to her madness. But for the love of all things holy can she have a chat with her fellow evil lords/queens and break this humidity for the race day?

[satiricalrunner]

#4 All The Hills..Remember Just Move Forward!

This week Satan's Mistress starts us off with what I find to be the most tedious track workout from hell there is: Mother Fucking Mile Repeats. I mean that with no disrespect to the special kind of hell that the 800s provide us but that was also a much worse day weather wise to run. She also used her powers for good in the area around the track. Using her power of deception she summoned a request from her buddy Thor to keep the storm away and only allow us to hear the thunder. She did allow him to have fun and to wreak havoc on the city with unprecedented rainfall and flooding. The saving grace for this work out was 3 things: Indian run warm ups, cool downs and the return of the Ice Queen with Flavor Ice pops. To be fair, the evil one did bring us nice cool wet rags to wipe the sweat and grit from our faces after that trip down (cue up ACDC: "Highway to Hell”) the road to hell. Now, this week, this sadistic bitch invited us on another special kind of "fun" as she calls it (the rest of us call it OrangeTheory). “Weds night come join us for a good opportunity to cross train” she said. “It’s being offered at a discounted rate” she said... “It will be fun” she said... All of witch (see what I did there) are partially true. That was one hell of a one hour, brutal, intense workout. For me, it’s just the kind of workout in a gym I enjoy 1000%.  It must be the masochistic part of me.  We did some weight work the first half (a lot of burpees). The 2nd half consisted of rowing (700,600,500,400m) with a .1 mile sprint with increasing incline each round.  Now during this she seemed to get complete enjoyment out of having her team do extra-long holding jogs as we wait for her to take pictures galore of us in pure pain and misery.  I can honestly say I did have fun at this. Next up, the lost Sanderson sister summoned us to Gilman once again. This time was again under the guise of a "fun run" on the course. It was another hot and humid day as only she could summon. This time she showed her colors as she strongly urged us to cross the street to make sure we stay off the grounds of The Cathedral. The course was another demented idea to make it harder on the way back. Ohh, did I mention it was also our tempo run? Chew on that for a min. Group long run day. Ohh this day held a bag of mixed emotions. The Devils Handmaiden was summoned back home to the inner rings of hell. She both showed us a softer, kinder side while making damn well sure we would not forget her true colors. First, the kindness bestowed upon us was her request to Mother Nature to give us cool almost fall like weather for our 10 or "11" mile run. This was very kind of her after the weather and recent weeks of grueling workouts. We also had the wonderful privilege to have Glinda The Good Witch of the North leading us today. Now let’s pause here and talk about this new math that is out there. Evidently in her twisted sense of humor telling us to run 11 miles, labeling the route 11 miles is fine and dandy when the fucking route is over 12 miles long. The route also included EVERY DAMN HILL in Timonium. Sure, let’s throw in Eastridge BOTH ways, Pickett, Frankie, Thornton somewhere about mile 8ish, this twisted hell hound puts Seminary hill up to Frankie at mile 10-11, and finally without mercy up York rd to the finish AFTER the 12mile on an 11 mile run. This type of back handed compliment is just not right. I can say with certainly she was fitness app stalking us grinning ear to ear. As she knows, that run was harder than the race we are all doing.  Meanwhile, back with us Glinda was cheerful and pleasant (as usual) and even partook in a beer with her charges for the day. Her presence is always there, but today it was front and center. The Ice Queen provided us with some much needed sweets. Solo long run day. Another fantastic running morning weather wise. I ran two loops in Loch Raven with two different runners. We had blast nothing really crazy of note happened. Mostly because I lived by the rule to “never trust a fart after mile 3”. The first 3 miles of my loop I spent praying that every one would decide to stay in place. No need for for any further comment on that. With the race rapidly approaching what sick torture will she have for us next week? To those that struggled this week remember Race day heroics are not thwarted by one bad or missed run.

[satiricalrunner]

#3 Enter the double digits

Ahh yes, Satan's Mistress is back in all her sadistic glory with the onslaught of oppressive heat and the hills of Cinder. Humm funny name for a road for us to run hills on in the oppressive heat. After all, Cinder is defined as a piece of partly burned coal or wood that has stopped giving off flames but still has combustible matter in it.  Is this merely a coincidence or just a fact that is all the small horned one wanted us to be after the work out…a piece of cinder.

To be fair to all those that suffered, I will state that I did not partake in this decent back into the 1st or 2nd layers of hell with our malevolent guide. I must have been put under an influence of the dark one and received the likeness of one of her sisters in evil. I had Maleficent painfully applied to me.  Enough about me. As for the rest of the group the look upon their red, anguished faces dripping with sweat told the story. This story of utter fucking misery under the guidance of the ever-present blonde Succubus. Is this all for the greater good of our training or for her own twisted enjoyment? I know we all want it to be the former, but wouldn't be shocked to learn it’s the latter. At least the warm up was downhill and short.

After the workout we presented her with the gift of a fire pit, to cure her of any possible homesickness of missing the fire from the inner depths of hell.  Will this offering grant us any reprise from her sadistic plan. My guess is that it won't, but only time will tell.

Thursday, she took willing participants on a wonderfully miserable, hot, humid and sweaty tour of the hills of West Towson.  This was all sold under the guise of a "fun run" to better prepare her paying subjects for their end goal. At this point I am fairly confident that all of our collective free wills have been broken and sold to Queen Persephone. Thus, we feel compelled to put ourselves through these trials pushing ourselves harder in hopes of getting reward of reprise from this fucking hellish weather (and workouts).  It feels like we are awaiting our run to, from and around the Lake of Fire.

The long run day arrives. We gather upon the grounds of The Gilman School. Funny that she choose one of the few non-religious private schools in the area to meet. Her course also has us on the opposite side of the Cathedral. hummmm coincidence.....I think… NOT!!

Today, thankfully, was not as hot as it’s been, but the humidity was an absolute killer.  Lucky for us we had an Ice Queen to counteract the antics of the Queen of the Damned on this day of torcher. She provided us with ice and sweets as needed. Take that Succubus! We have someone on our side. Long run part 2: journey into the woods of Loch Raven for 10ish Miles of unforgiving rocky terrain and some steep inclines and declines in a nice hot and humid morning, the likes of which must have brought back joyful memories from the childhood of the devil woman.

Another week survived another day stronger. I heard a rumor that next weekend her more angelic counterpart will be running the show for the long run. One can hope that is true and brings a cooler less humid morning, but she will probably work some dark magic for us to remember our blonde headed tour guide.

[satiricalrunner]

#2 The journey cools down in temp but not intesity

When we were rejoined by our bubbly blonde tour guide. She ever soo graciously lead us on a wonderfully sadistic ascent from the 4th level of hell where she left us. Now don’t get this twisted. Coach Queen of the Damned’s workout was still as relentlessly sadist as normal. She just cut a deal with her boy toy to allow us to escape the heat of his fiery pit.   While the temperature outside dropped the workout was just as umm enjoyable. She had us start at a leisurely self paced 10 min warm up. Then she summoned her she devil voice and with 3 words summoned a positive (for her) response “Half Marathon Pace”. We all did as told, sped up and held our paces.  Exactly 10 mins later that voice once again demanded a response “5k Pace”. Yet again from either fear of repercussions or out of our control we speed up again. Legs pumping faster feet pounding into the fire red track.  No one dares to complain for fear of pissing off Satan’s mistress and being sent back down to the 4th level of hell. That voice booms out again 10 mins later “10K Pace” it says. The pace slows breathing slows just a bit. But for being a slower pace this shit seems harder than the last faster 10 mins. As we start to struggle one glances over, careful not to make eye contact, and what do we see? Our joyful blonde guide reveling in her handiwork (some of her best yet). Then piercing the air “Half Marathon Pace last 10 mins”. You can feel the spirit of the group rise just a bit before being crushed under the weight of our tired legs. Only she would dream up this work out that on paper gives us hope of pleasant exercise, but in execution be a perfect blueprint of pain that only the she devil could create and impress upon her PAYING minions. We meet up with our blond headed Jezabel early Sat morning. This day we may be tricked by her, remember the devils greatest trick of convincing the world he didn’t exist?  We get an early morning pep talk and instructions on where to run our 9 miles on a flat scenic course. We ran from Mchenry Row over to just past Fells Point and back along the water. On the way back we see the subtle torcher of running on a flat course. We hopped on the hamstring and claves struggle bus. When this was mentioned a sly wicked smile cracked upon her lips. There it is the she devil can’t hide her true sadistic colors too long under that bubbly blonde mask. Even with the pain and suffering we endure under her direction. She really does give a shit about us. If someone feels sick she offers to help any way she can and stays near that person until they feel better.  She stays until the last person finishes that run to the outer layers of hell. Sunday was actually a wonderful adventure in the woods for 9 miles with Satan’s little blonde assistant. Weather was good, trails were dry, just cruising along. We came across one interesting thing in RED paint on trees out at about the 4.5 mile mark. Ominous messages appeared on some trees. One read “Go back” another “We are watching you” and one even tells us to “Enter here” to a hole in the base of tree.  I thought to myself “good try Satan’s Mistress but not today...not today. You can’t trick me this time.” Ran into fellow trail stompers, said hello, exchanged pleasantries and moved on. We get back, sweat dripping off our asses, but that doesn’t matter as we crack a couple of salty sour beers and down a couple of Recovery gummies. Nothing is better than a salty sour beer after a trail run... nothing.

[satiricalrunner]

#1: One Hot Journey with.....

Well that last training week was well..... fucking hot. I am really starting to wonder what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to start training with this psychotic sadist. The track work out was just down right mean in 90+ degree heat and the air was thick and heavy with humidity.   She, the devil woman, cheerfully explained we are going to have an easy warm-up followed by simple 800s with 400 recovery. No big deal I thought 2 laps hard work one easy I can soo do this. But....... How wrong my sorry ass was.Those 800s where soo god damn hard, in fairness to Satan's mistress, it was my own damn fault for going too hard for the weather conditions. But still she did put us in that situation to start with sooo lets call this little bit of hell,  a bit draw on the result of me being put in time out for just about puking. Live and learn right?!?!?! Now the long run ohhh the long run pt one.. What a sweet morning visiting the 2nd level of hell with our joyful blonde haired guide. This was  8 miles in 80+ degrees before 6 am in the humidity. Ohh and yeah look at the wonderful course we hit every single god damn major hill in Lutherville-Timonium. If one was to look at the route I would hear shut up you pussy you only had to do half of Eastridge. To you I say and half of Charmuth ALL of Frankie and Thorton at mile 6 of 8 so suck it. Long run part 2.. Now this Bitch (who left town btw) must have made some sort of fucked up pact with boy toy Mr Lucifer because on Sunday morning I had to decend down 2 more levels of hell for that heat and humidity I encountered on this run. Fuck that shit. Then she must of made friends with the God Loki because there was some mischief and mayhem going on with my Garmin all kinds of screwed up the only this correct was duration.   But I did manage to salvage it with a nice cold Sea Quench then Some brunch and a Cucumber Sour beer. I will take that as a 1/2 victory over the Queen of the Damned. Upon finish drenched and dripping of sweat looking like we had just pulled ourselves out of a damn pool. Some angels had some nice cold beers for us. That hit the spot after a long, hot, humid sweaty run. The spawn of Satan did provide us some nourishment of bagels and coffee. It may have to the heat gods for us to eat. It may have very well been a symbolic offering to the Heat Gods because on Monday the heat broke with over a 20 degree drop.