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satinsummer · 4 months ago

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Chapter 7: Self Sabotage

Summary: Love has never been nice to Sam.

Pairing: G!P Reader x Fem!Sam Carpenter

WARNING: Suggestive Language, Drug use (smoking weed), Angst

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Nobody's POV:

In the early hours of Tuesday morning, Y/N and Sam slowly awaken, the remnants of their shared night lingering in the soft sheets around them. The room is still dim, the only light coming from the faint glow of dawn creeping in through the curtains. They lie close together, their bodies entwined in an intimate embrace that feels both comforting and charged with unspoken emotions.

Y/N, feeling a mix of tenderness and vulnerability, takes a deep breath. She turns slightly to face Sam, her heart racing with hope and apprehension. With a soft, hesitant voice, she begins to speak. "Sam, I..I think I'm falling for you." Her words are laden with sincerity, her eyes searching Sam's face for a reaction. Sam's response is immediate, but not in the way Y/N had hoped for. Her eyes widen, and a look of panic flashes across her face. For a moment, she is frozen, her mind grappling with the weight Y/N's confession.

After a prolonged silence, Sam finally speaks, her voice shaky. "Y/N, I..I think you should go," The words hang in the air, heavy and painful. Sam tries to explain, though her voice is uneven and barely audible. "I can't...I can't handle this right now." The words hit Y/N like a MAC truck. Her heart sinks at the avoidance in Sam's voice. What had felt like a shared connection and a promising start now seems like a fleeting dream, leaving Y/N feeling rejected and uncertain. The closeness they once shared hours ago now feels distant and cold, leaving Y/N grappling with anger and confusion as she gathers her things to leave. "See you around" Is all Sam's hears before the door slams shut behind her.

As she steps out of the building, the crisp morning air feels almost surreal, a stark contrast to the emotional storm raging inside her. Her footsteps are heavy as she makes her way from the garage to the shared loft. The familiar surroundings offer little solace. She moves through her morning routine with mechanical precision, her mind replaying Sam's words and her own heartache. As she showers, the warm water does nothing to wash away the coldness in her chest. Dressing for class feels like an after thought; pulling on her clothes absentmindedly. The journey to the culinary building feels like it takes hours. The usual rhythm of university life, with students hurrying to their class and the occasional burst of laughter or conversation, seems distant and muted. Y/N's mind is filled with frustration and confusion, her thoughts oscillating between keeping an open mind and waiting around or completely closing Sam off. Y/N choose the latter. She retreated inward, burying her feelings beneath layers of activity and routine.

Y/N buried herself in her culinary classes with laser-like focus, perfecting every recipe she worked on, pouring all of her pain into the precision of her cooking. She spent extra hours in the kitchen, trying new techniques , refining her plating, and obsessing over every detail until each dish was flawless. Cooking had always been her sanctuary, and now it became her armor. She made sure to present an unbothered exterior, her hands moving with a practiced grace as though pain didn't exist.

Y/N kept up appearances with the core 4 , Y/BF/N and Anika effortlessly, slipping into her usual role within the group. She smiled and laughed at their jokes, and carried on as though nothing had changed. She had mastered the art of conversation without ever letting it veer into anything too personal, steering clear of any mention of Sam. Her friends noticed nothing unusual, as Y/N's guard was up and she made sure it stayed way. No one could see the turmoil she was holding back, especially not Sam.

When she wasn't in the kitchen or with her friends, Y/N stayed busy with her other passion--sports media. She hadn't let up on her posting schedule. Every day, she posted highlights, commentary and break downs of games, staying on trend and delivering content as if her mind wasn't elsewhere. Each post just another layer in the facade she was carefully constructing. The few moments she did allow herself to think of Sam were fleeting, quickly swallowed by activity. She couldn't afford to feel anything, not if she was going to maintain the mask. But the emotional weight of Sam's rejection sat with her every night , as she lay there in her bed staring at the ceiling, thinking of what she could've done differently. The loneliness was suffocating, but even then she wouldn't let herself cry, there was no space for heartbreak in her the life she had crafted, not now..not when everything seemed so fragile.

The rest of the week passed in a haze of curated perfection and by the time Saturday rolled around Y/N had perfected the art of pretending. She moved through her day like clockwork--quietly, efficiently, without faltering. But Sabrina, one of Y/N's classmates, had noticed. All week Sabrina had seen how unusually quiet Y/N had been in class, how reserved she had become. Y/N, who was always quick to offer opinions, insights or jokes, had barely spoken. She'd kept her head down, focused on her cooking and avoiding small talk. That evening after class wrapped up, Sabrina approached Y/N as she was packing up her things. "Hey, Y/N" she said casually, though there was concern in her voice. "You've been a bit off this week. I think you need a break. What do you say I take you out for a drink? No questions asked, just a chance to relax."

Y/N hesitated, ready to decline, but something in Sabrina's tone made her pause. Maybe it was the way she wasn't pushing for details, or maybe it was the quiet exhaustion Y/N had carried all week. "Alright" Y/N said forcing a small smile. "A drink sounds good"

A couple hours later, Y/N and Sabrina walked into the sports bar not far from campus. It was a cozy place, with a few groups scattered around the tables and booths. As they made their way towards the bar, Y/N's heart stopped when her eyes caught sight of Sam. She was sitting at a table with her neighbor Danny, both of them nursing drinks and chatting. Y/N's stomach twisted painfully. Sam hadn't noticed her yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she did.

Sure enough, Sam looked up , and their eyes met across the room. For a brief second, everything else faded away--the noise of the bar, the people around the bar, even Sabrina beside her. It's just Y/N and Sam locked in that wordless exchange. Sam's expression changed, Y/N could see the surprise, followed by something that looked like jealousy--or maybe hurt in Sam's eyes. Y/N knew exactly what she was thinking; that she and Sabrina were here together, that they were more than just classmates out for a drink. And for a split second, Y/N wanted to correct her, to walk over and explain that it wasn't like that. But something stopped her, the memory of Sam's rejection earlier in the week hit her like a wave, and all the pain she had to push down.

Sam, too felt the tension in the air. As she watched Y/N and Sabrina her heart twisted with something she didn't want to acknowledge. She told Y/N to leave that Monday morning because she was scared, because love had never been kind to her. She wanted to trick her heart into not needing Y/N, yet she couldn't. But seeing Y/N with someone else, someone who looked at her with such ease--it hurt in a way she hadn't expected. Eventually, Y/N turned her attention back to her classmate never sparing a second glance at Sam again. As the night wore on, Y/N lost herself in casual conversation with Sabrina, sipping her drinking and chiming in every chance she got. She could feel Sam watching her from across the bar, her presence like a tether Y/N couldn't break, no matter how hard she tried.

Sabrina, thankfully, was oblivious to the tension. She leaned in closer as the bar grew louder, reminiscing on one of their first classes together and how Y/N had saved her from almost blowing her eyebrows off. Their laughter light and care free. At some point Y/N gently nudged Sabrina's arm "Wanna get outta here? This place is getting too loud and I know a good cafe around the corner. They've got killer desserts" Y/N proposes. "What are we waiting for?" Sabrina exclaims, linking her arm with Y/N and pulling her towards the exit. The warmth of Sabrina's gesture, the casual intimacy of it all caught Y/N off guard. She didn't pull away but something in her chest tightened. Sparing one last look behind her, she found Sam still watching them, eyes filled with hurt and frustration.

Stepping out into the cool night air Y/N and Sabrina made their way to the cafe Y/N had mentioned, slightly buzzed and eager to eat. Back inside of the bar Sam watched them leave, her heart sinking as Y/N disappeared from view. The sight of Y/N and Sabrina together, arm in arm, replayed in her mind. She knew deep down, that what she had seen might not have been what she was imagining. But that didn't stop the jealousy from flooding her. Sam's chest felt heavy, the alcohol doing little to numb the ache building up inside her. She had pushed Y/N away--out of fear, out of her own complicated mess of emotions and she had watched Y/N leave with somebody else. The weight of her decision, of everything she had be running from all week, hit her all at once. Danny, who had been sitting opposite of her, finally broke the silence. He watched the whole thing go down, noticing how quiet Sam had gotten, how her focus was entirely on Y/N. He leaned forward, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Alright, Sam. Spill. Who is she? Y/N, right? Whats the story there?"

She paused, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. She wasn't sure where to start--wasn't sure she even wanted to. "She's...she's someone I care about" Sam finally admitted, her voice low, almost unsure. Staring at her drink, avoiding Danny's gaze Sam told the story of her and Y/N. "We've been getting..close these last couple of weeks, more than friends but nothing official. On Monday she told me she was falling for me, and I...pushed her away." "Why?" Danny asked, his curiosity deepening. Exhaling slowly, Sam answered "Because...because I'm scared. Every time I've let someone in, it's ended badly and Y/N..is so special. I didn't want to hurt her, so I told her to leave before things got too messy" Danny let her words sink in, before speaking again "And now, you've watched her walk out with somebody else" He said gently, his tone understanding but pointed. Sam winced at his words, but they were true. Seeing Y/N with someone else triggered something inside her--something she hadn't expected. "Yeah..I didn't think I realized how much I need her beside me until she was with someone else." Leaning back, crossing his arms Danny thought carefully " So what are you gonna do about it?"

And that's how Sam found herself outside of Y/N's loft. Her heart pounded in her chest, her mind racing with a mixture of fear and desperation. She had no plan, no idea what she would say, but she couldn't let Y/N slip away without fighting for her. She knocked on the door but there was no answer, waiting for a moment then knocking again, more urgently this time. Still nothing, frustration welling up inside her as she knocked louder, the sound echoing in the quiet hallway. Finally the door opened--but instead of Y/N, it was Sabrina standing in the doorway, half asleep and slightly confused. She was wearing Sam's hoodie..the same one Y/N had slipped on after shared night on Monday. "Oh, it's you" Sabrina muttered, blinking as she recognized Sam. "What are you doing here?" Sam doesn't answer. She didn't need to. The sight of Sabrina in her hoodie was enough to relight the fire inside of her.

(Hoodie Photo ref.)

Without waiting for permission, Sam pushed her way past Sabrina and stormed into the loft. She didn't care how rude she looked, she needed to talk to Y/N. "Y/N!" Sam shouted, her voice echoing through the loft as she made her way to Y/N's room. Walking in, her eyes landed on Y/N sprawled out on her bed, completely unaware of the storm brewing in her loft. "Y/N, wake up!" Sam yelled again, marching over to the bed, chest heaving and ears burning. "GET UP!"

Y/N groaned, rolling over slowly, her eyes opening in confusion. "Sam?" She muttered, sitting up and rubbing her face. "What the hell are you doing here?" Sam's eyes flashed with anger. "What am I doing here? Are you really asking me that right now?!?" Her voice sharp, filled with hurt and disbelief. "I come here, knock on your door, and find Sabrina--wearing my hoodie" Y/N blinked still attempting to wake up, her expression unreadable. "It's just a hoodie Sam, whats the big deal?" She retorts. Sam's jaw tightens. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The big deal? You walk out of my life for a fucking week, ignore everything we've shared, and now you act like none of it matters? Like it's all just nothing" Y/N sighed, throwing her legs over the side of the bed and standing up, still seeming indifferent. "I'm not ignoring anything. You're the one who told me to leave remember? You're the one who couldn't handle it when I said I was falling for you. So what am I supposed to do, Sam? Just sit around and wait for you to change your mind?" The casual arrogance in Y/N's voice only made Sam's blood boil more. She felt like she as losing control and the younger girl wasn't making it any easier.

"That's not fair, Y/N." Sam shot back, her voice raising. "You know damn well why I pushed you away. I told you I couldn't handle this. I was too scared of screwing things up... And now you're standing there like it's nothing, like you didn't spend the entire night parading around with Sabrina" Y/N scoffed, crossing her arms and leaning back on her desk. "Parading around?" You're really going to go there? She's just a friend. We went for drinks, and she crashed on the couch. That's it" She replies. "So it's just a coincidence that she's wearing my hoodie, then? Sam snapped, her voice dripping in sarcasm. Y/N shrugged, her tone still frustratingly nonchalant. "It was cold. I let her borrow it. Didn't think you'd get so worked up over something so trivial" Trivial? Sam couldn't believe the shit she was hearing. The Y/N she had gotten to know wasn't like this--different, cold, dismissive. This wasn't the girl she had fallen for. "You're acting like none of this matters to you" Sam said, her voice softer now, the hurt beginning to seep through her anger. "Like everything between us was just a game" Y/N's eyes flickered, but she kept her arms crossed, her expression now guarded. "You're the one who made it a game, Samantha. You're the one who rejected me . So yeah, maybe I act this way to protect myself from allowing you to continue breaking my heart." Sam took a step closer, her voice trembling with emotion. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, Y/N. I was trying to protect myself too. Love has never been easy for me. Every time I've let someone in, I've gotten burned but you came along and I-" She faltered, her voice breaking slightly. "I didn't know what to do but I never stopped caring. I never stopped thinking about you"

Y/N's posture softened, her eyes meets for the first time without the mask of indifference. "You made me feel.. temporary, like I wasn't worth fighting for." She says, her voice quiet and vulnerable. Sam's heart broke at the words. She had been so caught up in her own fears that hadn't realized how she had hurt Y/N in the process. "I was scared..I've never felt this way before and you told me you how you felt it terrified me because I knew...I knew I had started falling for you too but I didn't know to deal with it. I thought pushing you away would make it easier, but it's only made things worse." Y/N stared at her for a long moment before speaking as she uncrossed her arms and took a step towards Sam. "You don't get to do that" Her tone firm but tinged with emotion. "You don't get to push me away and then come back when it's convenient for you. I wanted you to see and understand that to me what we had was more than just a fling, more than late dinners, more than those private moments behind closed doors. I just want you to stop running from me" Y/N finished now standing right in front of Sam. With her heart pounding and Y/N's words crashing down on her, Sam realized she couldn't keep lying about how she felt.

"I'm done running" She said, her bottom lip quivering. "I'm done being scared. I..Iove you. I've loved you since I laid eyes on you. I'm sorry it took me this long to say it." The room fell silent and Sam held her breath, unsure of how Y/N would respond. But then, in one swift motion, Y/N closed the distance between them. She lifted Sam's face to hers and kissed her tenderly, it was filled with all the emotions they'd been holding back on for too long. It was a release, a surrender to everything they had been too afraid to admit.

When they finally pulled apart, both of them were breathless, their foreheads resting on each other. "Don't push me away again" Y/N whispered "Because I'm not going anywhere, I just need you to stay too" Sam nodded, heart swelling with relief and new found love "I'm here " She promised. She leaned up to kiss Y/N again, pouring her all into it.

Without thinking Y/N tugged softly on Sam's hand, leading her back over to her bed where she had been lying several moments before. They sat down together, the mattress dipping slightly under their combined weight. Sam felt the warmth of Y/N's body next to hers, the electricity of their connection buzzing in the air. She sat completely still processing everything that had happened but when she looked at Y/N --her tousled hair, flushed cheeks, the steady gaze that held more affection than Sam could handle--she knew Y/N was the one.

Y/N leaned back against her pillows, tugging Sam along with her until they were both laying side by side, the intimacy of the moment settling around them. Sam could feel a heartbeat slowing down, her nerves calming as she sank into the feeling of being close to Y/N. Everything felt quiet like the rest of the world had faded. For a while they didn't speak, they just laid there, breathing in sync, their hands brushing one another lightly. Sam's head rested on Y/N's shoulder, her arm around the girls waist pulling her in close. She felt grounded in a way she hadn't in days.

Y/N was first to break the silence "I love you too, Sam" It was simple, almost matter-of-fact but the words sent a wave of warmth through Sam's chest. She felt a wave of gratitude and relief wash over her as she leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Y/N's lips again. It wasn't frantic but full of meaning, full of hope for their future..together. When they finally settle into Y/N's bed, tangled together under the blankets, Sam let out a long content sigh. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't worried. She wasn't running from anything, and she wasn't afraid of what would come next. Y/N had her--fully , openly--and that was all that mattered.

Neither of them noticed that Sabrina had left. At some point, she must have slipped quietly out of , the loft, leaving the two of them to sort their feelings out in peace. But they didn't need to notice, right now all that mattered was them, Sam found something worth fighting for and she was not going to let her go.

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AN: how are we feeling? chapters 8-10 will explore girlfriend Sam. There will be a bit of a time jump (1-2 months) so be prepared

feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you for the support! -🕷️

#sam carpenter x you #sam carpenter #tara carpenter y/n #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin #tara carpenter #anika kayoko #core 4 #scream 2022 #Spotify

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