satansforgottenbuttcheeks

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

This is the lucky clover cat. reblog this in 30 seconds & he will bring u good luck and fortune.

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

I will find you, zelda

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

parents are so crazy because they can say the most fucked up shit to you when your brain is forming and it sets the tone for your whole adult mind set and then they forget about it the next day

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[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

kim dokja's flavor of mental illness makes me so crazy. he's like "i deserve nothing good i want to make something good of me none of me matters i need to try to stay so i don't hurt them there's nothing wrong with me i'm completely normal i will cause problems on purpose i didn't want this to happen i'm unlovable i will fight for our happy ending you loving me was a mistake i want to hold your hand and i want you to let go and it's okay if i go as long as you live i want to stay and i worth less than any of you"

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

ur government assigned gender for the day is the first thing u get when u click this link to a randomised wikipedia article. NO REROLLS . i am the  trollsteineggje mountain in norway

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

Losing my mind at this

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

can u guys rb this n add how you crack your eggs in the tags? i thought cracking them in the sinks’s edge is universal until i saw my friend cracking an egg on the counter instead and it was so pervese and diabolical

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

How well do you see color?

I’m cry I scored 60, I feel blind

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

Hey yall I had a fuckin thought 

So, as it’s roughly explained, the state alchemist program is a kind of “recruit potential human sacrifices” mechanism, with a side-order of “brute strength for the army”. But basically, the state alchemist title is mostly about being a researcher–given people like Shou Tucker exist, and given that the only requirement to stay a state alchemist is to submit a yearly report of your research that says “look I’m still being a useful scientist”.

So far, so far this is sensible, yeah? Father and the delightful children from down the lane are running a recruitment program for potential human sacrifices. So sure–butter them up! Give them lots of money, get them buddy-buddy with the government, and give them endless resources for research. It’s be pretty easy to trick a state alchemist in that position to open the portal if Sugar DaddyBradley is nudging them to do it.

And I’m still willing to go with this logic for the whole “draft the state alchemists into war” move. They make it pretty clear that was something of a last-ditch effort. And the blood transmutation circle around Amestris was an absolute necessity for Father’s plan. So the risk of a few state alchemists dying or resigning from your Potential Sacrifice Pool is worth it for the completion of the circle.

Now. To get to my fucking thought. 

Edward fucking Elric. This fucking fight-me 12 year old troglodyte shows up to the exam and performs circle-less transmutation in front of mother fucking Bradley, demonstrating to one of the seven Actual Fucking Homunculi that he’d already opened the portal. Ed was literally prepped as a human sacrifice before he showed up to Central. A fully set human sacrifice showed up at the homunculi’s door, said “hey look what I can do!”, proved he’d opened the mother fucking portal already, and said “hey yeah hire me”. Human sacrifice, free shipping, no assembly required, handcuffs not included!

They could have just tossed Ed into a shoebox and kept him there until the Promised Day. They wouldn’t even need to make up an excuse he attacked the f u  c k i n g president. That’s fucking treason babey. He’s 12, he’s an orphan, he’s from a rural town in buttfuck nowhere, he’s literally the easiest person alive to disappear. They could have arrested him for assassination crimes, kept him in gay baby jail, and just popped him out for the Promised Day

What do they do instead?! “Oh lmao this kid’s great. Let’s give him infinite money, no supervision, no governmental responsibilities, access to all our secret resources, and toss him on a train to who-the-fuck-knows-where-land”

They fucking did that

And like? They then had the audacity to be concerned when Edward “Fight Me” Elric almost got himself killed about 293 times. Just an endless game of “I thought u were watching him” from one homunculus to another when Ed fucking absconds half-way across the globe to go entice some other hostile entity into murdering him to death. That’s the whole series. Every arc is Ed baiting death while the homunculi are in the background like “:/ wish he wouldn’t do that”

This only gets worse when you consider they later learned Al opened the portal too because really?? These two stab-happy globe-trotting public menaces are 40% of your final evil plan for godhood. 40%. Almost half. You couldn’t fucking set aside a cardboard box to keep these idiots in?

We all knew Father was terrible at planning when we learned his thousands-of-years-in-the-making-plan involved him procrastinating until the last five minutes to get his last sacrifice, while he was?? playing chess in his fucking basement, I guess. But it’s like every time I think about it like really think about it I find 7 more reasons Father was a fucking shit idiot moron, king of the stupid fucking idiot club, flesh and blood founder of seven other established dumbasses, all living in their idiot hovel under central, just giving random dumbass 12 year olds infinite money, j u s t  b e c a u s e.

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

Every midwit literary fiction novel from the past 5 years has been called something like The Little Things We Do To Ourselves or Back Then I Didn’t Think So Clearly or I Have Been Trying To Venmo You.

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

wait ok now i'm curious how old were you when you joined tumblr and how old are you now

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

"The Temptations of Saint Anthony" by Robert Auer (1917)

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

wait.. idc if this flops but besties reblog w what the first thing you would show an alien is if you met one :)

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

I wanna do one of those “if you’re lgbt put your orientation, sign and favorite tool in the tags” but I know most of The Gays have never touched a tool on their life. I’ll be left with 15 lesbians, one gay dude and a handful of bisexuals and they better all be tagging screwdrivers

[satansforgottenbuttcheeks]

The point of officially naming a pet is not to actually use that name but to have a baseline from which to come up with every conceivable nickname to call them instead.