satanscouch-blog - Tumblr blog

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You wanna know what I was before this? I was nobody. Nothing.

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What the part where your in jail?

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boys

cons: literally everything

pro: they usually know the answers to questions in sports category on trivia crack

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These are so eggsiting

too many egg puns, too little time

now i need a boyfriend to give these to

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one of my biggest fears is dying after i suck a dick…. like once i watched Law & Order SVU & this dead girl had just sucked dick and had a bunch of semen in her stomach….. if they found me dead with semen in my stomach my mom would kill herself just so she could meet me in hell and beat my ass

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Mars doesn't have people ..

Insects actually have no importance of any kind in food webs and all that.  If there were no insects on earth we would all be better off and there would be no repercussions whatsoever.  want more proof? mars doesn’t have insects and it is doing fine.  it’s red but it’s fine

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I’m hugging my mother when she gets home.

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Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta

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You know not only do black lives matter but white lives matter. Hell ALL lives matter. Its a shame that people think one race is superior just because of skin color. That's like being nice to the girl with the blue bow in her hair not the pink one. ITS CHILDISH!!

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'If you must, I trust you'

"John has a secret admirer," Sherlock told Mycroft when he came by for their weekly board game. "I take it it isn't you," Mycroft replied. "It's a man's handwriting," Sherlock said producing one of the notes that had come with the new jumpers that were delivered last week. "And what do you want me to do about it?" Mycroft asked. "Find them and get rid of them, obviously," Sherlock replied. "By 'get rid of' do you mean kill?" Mycroft asked. "If you must, I trust you," Sherlock shrugged.

LOL Sherlock, no! murder is bad lol XD

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I don’t fuck around

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It’ll kill you stone dead.

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My baby brother’s first girlfriend recently confessed to thinking they were actually a boy. I asked my brother if this bothered him. His response was:

“Well, yeah. If I had have known they were a boy when we were going out, I would have said I had a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.”

He was ten.

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Eleven + the fluffy sweater

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i am both the concerned mother and idiot baby of the friend group like i will hound everyone for not wearing jackets in the cold and i’ll keep snacks 4 ppl in my bag but they have 2 stop me from trying 2 chug an entire bottle of cîroc