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Finding my Spiritstyle: The parts of me

The parts of me I want to focus on to discover my spiritstyle.

I am funny and loving and compassionate and organized and empathetic and I have a desire to be connected to other people and the world around me.

I am a mother and a friend and a lover and a confidant and a sounding board and an extroverted introvert and a funny life of the party and a wallflower all at the same time.

I want to make people happy. If that means being silly and cracking jokes then Ill do it. If it means being a good listener and letting the other person express how they're feeling, I'll do that. I try to be the best friend I can be and I want other people to understand that about me.

I want to be like others who choose to focus on their inner self and exude a space of calm and peace and self reflection. I want to get to a place where I can be a little bit woo woo unapologetically. I want to feel connected. I want to feel that connection. I want to do yoga and sip tea and read interesting books by my salt lamp and feel like I'm surrounded by peace and love and life and nature. But I also want to play video games and watch stupid videos on Youtube and Netflix. Lol I want to have the best of both worlds but I'm not sure how to combine them.

I am a nerd. Fun, excited, connected.

I am a mom. Loved, full of purpose, strong.

I am a searcher. Optimistic, hopeful.

I am a listener. Filled up, empathetic, emotional.

I am a creative soul. Interested in interests, learning to let go, grounded

I am a nerd. My nerdiness brings me a community and a fantasy escape and hope for a better future. It brings me fun and excitement and a way to be connected to other people through something I love.

I’m a mom, but I'm not just a mom. I love being her mommy. I love it when she calls me her mommy and hugs me and gives me sweet kisses on my cheek and tells me how much she loves me. I love being her way of learning about the world. I love being her teacher. It gives me a purpose I didn't think I needed to have in my life. I want her to always know that I'll be here for her no matter what. I am a strong female presence in her life and I love knowing that she will grow up knowing that everyone has good times and bad times and that she will hopefully know that her mommy always tried her best to never let her down.

I am searching for all the ways to make my life feel whole. I'm searching for the glue that will help to combine all of my loves and make me feel at peace. I want to feel like I've found the thing that will keep my family together and not worry so much about how it's all going to end one day. I want to live in the present and not regret the past and not feel pessimistic about the future. I want to be happy, and not feel selfish for being happy. I want to find a place or a feeling or a person who will put it all in perspective and make me feel whole. I want that person to be me. I want that place to be my new home and I want to feel satisfied.

I listen to the problems of the world and I internalize them. I worry about things that are completely out of my control. I worry about making a decision and then worry if I've made the right decision. I listen to my friends and to my family and I empathize with their suffering or their joy or their worry. I take all those emotions into myself. Why? Is it because I want to take those feelings of sadness or worry or pain away from them? I want to make the world a happy place for everyone I come across, whether I have the energy or the time or the space to do that for them. I put myself out there to everyone in my life and I try not to expect anything in return but after awhile I feel drained and I have nothing left to give. I want to feel filled up so that I CAN be a good listener and a good friend and a good wife and lover and mother. I want to find a way to fill myself up after a hard or emotional time, either for me or for someone I care about. I want to be at my best so that I can help other people be at their best as well.

I love to create. I love to create websites, I love to knit and crochet, I love to draw and paint and create organizers and decorate my house. When I don't get a chance to create I feel antsy and unproductive. I feel worthless when I can't participate or engage or contribute to solving a problem or creating something new. I want to be ok with letting others do their things while I look on with admiration. I want to feel ok when I can't solve a problem instead of dwelling on my lack of knowledge. I want to ask for help. I want to be a grounding source instead of the person everyone has to take care of because she's so overwhelmed. I want to feel like I deserve to be loved and happy and wanted and light and airy and wonderful and peaceful. There are bad things in the world but I don't need to worry about all of those things. I need to focus on the here and now and enjoy my life and be grateful for what I have and how I can continue to be the wonderful awesome fun person I know I can be.

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I love my little zen workstation. :) #newhome #finallyfeelinglikehome

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A perfect New Years Eve mini family party. :) :) #newyears #nye

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wakes up: tired

mid day: tired

afternoon: could literally sleep for 20 hours straight

evening: normal

middle of the goddamn night: its time to Go!!!!!!!!!

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2017 planning happening in my new journal at my new desk in my new house! So excited about the fresh start to the new year! :) #2017 #bulletjournal #bujo

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“You can be whatever you want…”

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I had her write about being bigger. She didn't have room but she informed me that her dog's name will be Cthulhu. LOL My kid cracks me up. :) #homeschool

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Sunday’s a great time to catch up on Crash Course Kids (whether you’re with kids, or sans kids)! 👀 http://bit.ly/1g3AhR6

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So sweet!

:)

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"Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most human." Live Long and Prosper. Peace and Long Life. #RIPMrSpock #ripleonardnimoy

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We made each other Valentines this year and my huband nailed it! Lol #doctorwho #valentinesday #besthusbandever

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Ummm this is hilarious!! LOL AHHH MORLOCKS!!

(One of our pre-req films to watch was “The Time Machine”. I’m told by one of my friends that I take rather entertaining notes while watching movies, so here are some for your enjoyment.)

H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine” (1960 film)

*Disclaimer* Wine may or may not be involved during these...

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  Last week I started taking an online class on....wait for it... Doctor Who!! It's been really great so far. 

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 Here’s to loving ourselves better next year. 

Amen to that! :)

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This is so perfectly put and a really important read. I never want my daughter to feel threatened just because she wants to play a video game or dress up as her favorite character.

I had a day off this weekend from shooting Supernatural, and I was walking around downtown Vancouver on Saturday, sampling all the artisan coffee I could get my throat around. At one point I saw a pair of guys walking towards me wearing gamer shirts. Black short-sleeved, one Halo and one Call of...

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Listen to the sound of not the Silence

New on the Blog: Listen to the sound of not the Silence

OK so I’ve been reading a lot of reviews on the new Doctor Who episodes and I thought I would chime in with my thoughts. I don’t necessarily think I agree with any of the reviews I’ve read completely so I thought Id try and work out what I’m thinking and  maybe someone else will enjoy my ramblings. Oh an in case you’ve never read a review, spoilers ahead sweetie.

OK so let’s look at the episode…

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Everyday in my house with a 5 year old... lol

Worst Room-mate in the Universe is not a library.