sarafollo

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If the US military wants so bad to liberate a desert region from a repressive religious organization, Utah is right there.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.

The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night, the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.

"Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.”

The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.

“No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.”

The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.

The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded.

“That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!”

“Don’t worry about it.” the man answered.

“The frog was really nothing special.

You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

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I was carrying a pack of paper towels back to my apartment. I set them down to reorganize the things in my arms and when I turned around there was a beast on my towels. I do not own or recognize the beast.

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“kink belongs at pride” - tired, desiccated, queerphobic discourse

“make the golf course a public sex forest” - thriving, vibrant, moves the conversation forward

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The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked “Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”

Maid: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said that?”

Maid: “Your husband.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Maid: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Who said that?”

Maid: “Your husband.”

Wife: “Oh.”

Maid: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.”

Wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”

Maid: “No, the gardener did.”

Wife: “So how much do you want?”

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Tweet 1 source | Tweet 2 source

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America is a place

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Translation request by @unbridled. English added by me :)

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this is the funniest fucking billboard possible. who the fuck paid for this

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So uuuuhhhh…got my daughter a yogurt this morning and learned something new.

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the bravest writers are the ones who make granny characters in scifi and fantasy solely for the sake of having grannies i think there needs to be more old ladies who Fight and Kill