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A rant about how depression is portrayed on tumblr
I’m sick of seeing depression romanticised. Look, it’s not “3am thoughts” or “black coffee and cigarettes” or some skinny girl all dressed in black looking sad and pretty. Fuck no. Depression can’t even be defined, actual depression is so shit I don’t even want to look for the words to define it. My depression has made me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend anymore. My depression has made me burn an ugly scar into my skin that will probably never ever heal. It’s not “pretty little cuts” it’s ugly and disgusting and i still can’t see a flame without my heart aching. My depression has taken days away from me that could have been the best of my life, but instead I spent the whole time begging time to speed up because I just couldn’t wait for the heavy feeling to go away. Depression is trying every single method under the sun to try to cheer yourself up but feeling no different by the end. It’s being in a room full of happy people and having to lie through your teeth that you’re happy too. Depression has left me so sleep deprived that I’ve collapsed in the middle of school- and no, I didn’t stay up all night on tumblr talking about how sad I am, this is nights of staring at my ceiling desperate for sleep. Depression is nearly losing the person I love most because I just can’t make the suicidal thoughts go away, I can’t stop buying pills, I can’t stop writing suicide notes, I can’t stop crossing the road with my eyes closed. Depression is being told over and over again that you’re breaking people’s hearts, all the people you care about, people that care about you, that you’re damaging them and it’s being so desperate to stop doing that but you just can’t. You just can’t make it go away no matter how hard you try. My depression has completely fucked up the last 5 years of my life, it has ruined me and everybody I love, so don’t you dare go writing a poem about how tragically beautiful it is or cutting yourself because you want to be a part of the “trend” or reblogging loads of grungy photos and making depression a fucking aesthetic. Don’t you dare.
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