sapphic-sapphire-seductress

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

geordi was so fuckin real for casting himself as watson like his idea for a perfect evening was to book out the holodeck and acquire period appropriate outfits just so he could listen to data infodump at length

"we have time for me to be your watson" <- worlds greatest Autism Flirtation

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

me standing in the living room: this room does not look.... straight

the room:

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

Conservation is ✨very✨ demure!

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

old gods are waking

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

Okay so, got here from a book on animal behavior but: Vulcan stand-up comedy as a competitive activity.

Because most Vulcans don't actually pretend they don't have emotions, it's all about self-regulation, right? And good comedy usually hinges on manipulating the relationship between our faculties of recognition and surprise in various ways, you can get pretty scientific with it.

So Vulcans go to the comedy act, and the idea is the comedian is trying to make you crack up, and the audience is trying to not even crack a smile, and if you do laugh, you lose. Like all in good fun, but Vulcans are both really competitive and really aware of how dangerous that urge can be to a society, so this could actually be classified as highly orthodox Surakian practice.

So of course the comedian has to actually be funny, or there's no challenge and the game is boring.

Which means the really good Vulcan comedians (most of whom tend to extremely dry delivery of their bits) are going to go around playing to packed houses, which mostly sit staring stonily back at them, with occasional breaks when someone loses it and reacts.

And after a show you'll have Vulcans walking out discussing with great approval how very humorous that was, with varying degrees of muted smugness or chagrin depending on if they won or lost.

I bet there are human comedians whose grandest fantasy is being good enough to do a set in Vulcana Regatta and have people going around bragging about not laughing at them.

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

may have found the funniest possible thing ever in this essay on medieval sex laws im reading hold on

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

Bugs Bunny could have simply walked into Mordor. He would have shown up at the gates of Mordor in a disguise and been like "Evil volcano inspection unit" and flashed a fake ID badge to the confused orc.

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

electronic devices that were brightly coloured but a little bit translucent so you could see their guts… they were like angels on earth to me

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

one of my favorite things about my job that i can say to people that sounds utterly ridiculous but is technically 100% true is that one of our sea turtles keeps trying to get me to commit a felony on her behalf and gets SUPER cranky when i won’t do it

[sapphic-sapphire-seductress]

From the US but i spell grey with an e because e just feels like a much greyer letter than a