santospammie

[santospammie]

“Casual”

Casuals are so tempting.

They give this blissful feeling without having you work for it. No pressure, no complications. Easily gotten, easily gone. Just casual. As much as you didn’t have to make an effort for them, they also didn’t have to make an effort for you. Easy. Where does it get complicated and confusing? When you realize your worth and you realize you deserve efforts and people who’d go the extra mile, who’ll work hard to have you because they want you and not because you hand yourself easily to them. You want these not because you’re demanding or old fashion, you want these because somehow you know your worth and what you deserve. You want this, because you yourself are willing to give this. It isn’t that it has to be hard for it to be worth it, but seriously desired things require work, conscious effort and consistency. That is if you want them for the long run.

 There is nothing wrong with casuals, it is a convenient set up after all. But you aren’t a snob too if you think you deserve better or if that’s too snob of a term, you know you deserve and want otherwise. You know where to categorize yourself, you know your place, you know where you stand. Easy is tempting, hard work is securing.

[santospammie]

Wandering Wonders in Solitude #SoloTravelling

I have always been into doing stuff on my own. I crave that liberating feeling knowing I am able to accomplish things, learn new stuff even just on my own. First, it was just visiting museums, landmarks in the metro, or just simply wandering around, observing others. It started out with not having matching schedules with some friends and some aren’t just as interested. I thought to myself that if I will have to wait for other people then I might not be able to do it anytime soon. And so it started. And i realized how much I can accomplish without having to wait for anyone. I have to admit that it is also a factor that I am single which makes me not used to relying to someone’s schedule.

And when I have gotten used to these little solo activities, I thought why not try travelling alone? The idea kicked off when I had 2 days off work that matched with my brother and his girlfriends’s last 2 days of vacation in Hong Kong. So they were already there and I had to fly to Hong Kong on my own. It wasn’t my first trip out of the country but it was my first time to fly out somewhere on my own. Imagine being in a country with no one near speaking the same language as you. I had to find my way to the City where they were waiting. To cut it short, after a few questions here and there, some few seconds of panic, “bahala na” moments as I board trains and buses, I made it. On. My. Own. And I have never felt more accomplished and liberated. Little did I know that it was the start of my craving for the rush that only solo travelling can make you feel.

And so I followed it up with my first official solo travel. This time, no one meeting me there, Just me all the way. And since I was cautious and still nervous, I went somewhere very much familiar to me, Boracay. I know Boracay like the back of my hand. But it’s quite surprising and amazing how you see a place in a totally different perspective when you’re there alone. I had to conquer even the littlest of fears such as asking directions. lol. I have to admit that in the beginning I wasn’t enjoying. I had this nagging feeling inside me that I would enjoy more if I had friends or family with me. And eventually I realized that I just had this nagging feeling because I or we are in a society where being alone is associated with being lonely. We are so used to that ideology to the point that we automatically feel it already. And so I opened my mind and heart and just lived in that moment, enjoyed my time, looked at what’s in front of me, stepped out of my comfort zone and asked myself what is there to discover

So after this I became more comfortable and more into travelling alone. Just this first half of 2018 I have been to Siargao (3x), Camotes Island and again Boracay all just on my own aside from travels I had with some friends.

I like travelling alone but when I traveled to Siargao, I fell in love. Half of tourists there are solo travelers and with places I’d gone to, alone or not, I’d place Siargao on top of the list of Solo Traveler Friendly Places. I will talk more about my love for Siargao and how it transformed me to a self declared island girl on my next post. But I am thankful to have traveled there alone and discover some things I didn’t even know I had in me.

Solo travelling is a make it or break it thing. The right choice of place to travel alone to is crucial. Hating the place could make you hate the whole idea of travelling solo. It is normal to be anxious on your first couple of travels solo. It is definitely different from what you’re used to and you may seek for the company of familiar faces. But if you put yourself out there and live with who and what and where you are, you will actually enjoy it. Live in the moment. It’s cliche but nothing is more true when it comes to travelling alone. The place could be shitty, you may be fooled or scammed or you may hate your dorm mates when you’re staying in a shared room but the key is perspective. The moment you decide travel solo and step out there, set your mind that you’ll enjoy whatever is waiting for you in that place and when things get shitty, take it as a learning. Anything that happens, good or bad is still a discovery, a learning that you can take with you.

One of the many things my trips taught me is that I have to be cautious but I also have to trust people around me instead of enduring the constant fear that people are always out to get me. Numerous times I was asked, was I on a soul searching trip. And I always said no I’m not. I am not in search of my soul. I am just in a never ending journey of discovering it more and more. We are never lost, maybe on a pause, but never lost.

[santospammie]

Hanggang Pwede Pero Hindi

Pwede nating isisi sa oras at sa panahon at pati na rin sa pagkakataon at sa libo libong pang bagay na sinasabi nating dahilan kung bakit hindi tayo pwede. Pero higit sa lahat pwede ring, baka ayaw mo lang talaga. At pwede ring, mas gusto kong paniwalaan ang ibang pwede Na baka pwedeng nahihiya ka lang. Na baka pwedeng nahihirapan ka rin. Na baka pwedeng natatakot ka lang At pwedeng ako na muna ang gumawa ng paraan. Na baka pwedeng mag antay muna ko Na baka pwedeng intindihin muna kita Na baka pwedeng ako muna lumaban. At sa lahat ng pwedeng gawin at magagawa ko pa, Hindi parin tayo pwede. Kasi sa huli, dun at dun parin tayo babalik. Baka kaya hindi tayo pwede, Kasi pwedeng ayaw mo lang talaga. Kaya kahit anong pwede kong gawin, Hindi talaga tayo pwede. Dahil kung gusto mo lang pumwede tayo Kagaya ng kung paano at gaano ko kagusto. E pepwede naman sana talaga. Pero hindi pwede. Kasi hindi mo ginustong gawing pwede ang hindi pwede.

[santospammie]

14 things I learned before I turned 22

1. Fight while you can and 2. Know when to let go Fight while you can and when you fight, fight hard. Fight to win. Fight for it so you won't have regrets. And know when to throw the towel and let it go. Because I've learned that there is only so much you can do. 3. I'm only human We are only human. You are only human. So, you will make mistakes. And even if you don't, some things still won't go your way. Because I've learned you're only human and there are things out of your control and the first two steps to getting over is accept it happened already and forgive yourself for letting it happen. 4. Keep moving. If I stopped when I was bullied I wouldn't have faced college. If I stopped when armed men entered our home and robbed us, I wouldn't have graduated without trauma. If I stopped after 3 airlines rejected me, I'm not living the dream job now. If I stopped, when the first guy I ever liked broke my spirits, I don't believe in love now. Even if you can't, even if you don't want to. Keep moving forward. Drag yourself if you have to. Because I've learned the best is yet to come. 5. Love your country like you love your mother. No matter how you hate its system, don't give up on your country, it's your only country. It gave you identity, it gave you birth right, and it spared a spot for you in its heart. Hate the people of the system but not the country. Because I've learned, it's just like any mother, no matter how far you've gone and whatever you've done you're always welcomed back home, accepted with open arms. 6. Be aware and 7. Do something about it. I've realized that while I take for granted what I eat, there are children who don't. While I find it hard to choose which shoes to wear, there's a kid out there who walks to school barefooted. And if I can manage to pet a stray dog or cat, why can't I care for another human like me? Awareness becomes pointless when you don't do something about it. Because I've learned, as many as we are in this world, we're just one big family. 8. You cannot turn back time. What's said is said, what's done is done. And no person has the power to turn back time to change the course of events. So, have no regrets just lessons learned. Because I've learned you can't change the past but you can change the present for the future. 9. Have faith. Keep it. No matter what you believe in, or who you believe in. Have faith. And keep it. When things seemed to be doomed, when lights are out and it's like there's nothing more you can do, it's just your faith that fuels you to hope and believe everything will be better and today's struggle is just a preparation for the future. Because I've learned that when you feel like there's nothing left you can do to change things, there is actually one, pray. 10. People will hurt you. And it will hurt most from those we loved the most, we cared about the most and from those we least expect it from. And I know, weather they did it it intentionally or not, it's gonna hurt. Not the smack-their-face-kick-their-ass kind of hurt. It's the how-could-they kind of hurt. But I tell you this, it will get better. You will be okay. Allow yourself to hurt, and in it's own time allow yourself to heal. It will take time but that's ok. Be patient. Because I learned that, it may seem far from now, but you will forgive and only if you allow yourself you may forget too. 11. There is nothing like family. My family saw in me what I have become and can still become way before the world accepted me as I am. Through the toughest times when I have hurt them or even I despise myself, I have been loved and accepted by them. It's true that you will lose yourself along the way but when you're back, you'll realize that it's really just your family who patiently waited for you. Not your boss who pays you, not the job you devote your time too, sometimes not even the guy who promised he'd always be there. Because I've learned that when you ask them why, they answer you with "because we're family" and as ironic as it it will sound, there is nothing simpler and bigger than that declaration. 12. Explore. Learn. Have no fear. There is no better time than now to do this. There are so many possibilities out there that you can explore and learn from. Give it a shot. It's a big world out there and it's scary. But nothing is more scary than regrets and missed chances. Believe me, you don't wanna live in a world of what-ifs. Exploring and taking chances isn't always about reaching the goal. It's about the journey to the top. What you've learned and discovered on the way there. Because I learned that chances not taken out of fear will always haunt you and beat you every step of the way. 13. "Dream the Impossible dream" And no lyrics are truer than that. There will be days that circumstances will stop you to pursue the golden dream. And when reality kicks in, you'd realize that it ain't as easy as abc. And even once you achieve it, you'd realized that it's not even the dream you wanted. And it's ok, don't let time and let life pressure you. You are never too old or too young to make the dream happen, and even change dreams for that matter. Don't let societal calendar stop you. Because I've learned, with Gold almighty, you can make the impossible dream possible if you want to. 14. Love yourself, so you can love them Pain is blinding. Reality is heartbreaking and once you're a grown up, your failures would be disappointing. Even to yourself. We sometimes blame ourselves for the failures in our lives, for letting other people hurt us. But remember this, no person or situation must make you doubt your own self worth. You are more then the F in your report card. You are more than the person he just left. You are more than the laughing stock they think you are. My dear, you are more than your failures and your pain. You have to love yourself and see how worthy you are for another chance. For you to give love to the world, you must give love to your self first. Because I've learned, you cannot give what you don't even have in you.

[santospammie]

The Wrong Way x The Inevitable

And sometimes, you like it or not, your heart aches for the wrong people, your hands reach out to the wrong hands and your feet walk to the wrong road. You know it’s wrong, you know he’s not the one. There were signs along the way but you try anyway, because there is that little one inside you hoping, wishing, that if you just try, you can make it the right one, you can make him the right one. And no matter how you deny it to yourself, there are things that you just can’t change. Time. Time will make you realize that and one day you’ll come to accept that maybe. Just maybe you were meant for something else, something better and that you were meant to hurt to finally see.

[santospammie]

The Empty Seat In Front Of Me

I’m young and as they always say, I have a long way to go. I’m too young to be alarmed by the fact that after 21 years, I have never been with anyone, never had my lips kissed or my hands held. It was my choice anyway, they said. And partly, they are right.

Being single and living independently has taught me a lot. One thing I always remind myself, singlehood does not limit the things I can do and instead widen my horizon. Most friends have someone to go with, someone to talk to, someone to try new things with and share the news with. I don’t have that. But I have me. I have my family.

I have this habit of going out on my own from time to time. Not relying on schedules of friends who might have dates, or family that’s 3 hours from my place or people who never stick around. I have me to go out with anyway. There was this one time when I’m in on one of my best outfits, in my most peaceful mood for that week, listening to one of the most amazing songs known to man and sipping the sweetest frappe as I read a book from an excellent writer while sitting in a table for two that I realize, I was never bothered by the empty chair in front me. That self assurance, enough love from people who matter and endless grace from the Father above prevented me from questioning if I alone was enough to make things feel enjoyable and for life to feel satisfactory.

I guess that’s what peace and contentment bring to us; the feeling that you don’t need other people to complete you and realizing that peace and happiness is found within. Maybe, I don’t know it, but I actually can be happier if I have somebody around and I just don’t know it yet because I never felt it. But it’s not here yet so while I allow time to make it happen, I’ll enjoy life as it’s served. Because that’s how it’s done right? You cannot force things, or turn back time but you can seize it. There are things not in our control, but what we have sole control of is how we react over things. Just because you don’t someone to tell you they love you, should you feel any less. Just because you don’t have someone who prioritizes you, should you feel less prioritized. It is mainly you who can make yourself feel that though that chair in front of you is empty, it doesn’t mean you’re also facing an empty life.

I guess you have to remind yourself that maybe you don’t have that one person, but you have your career, you friends, your loving family and most of all God and these are more than enough to make you feel loved only if you allow them to, instead of wallowing in the corner feeling lonely because of your singlehood. 

[santospammie]

My first treat to the family and to myself from my own pocket and sweat!! 😁 #CaptainAmerica #CloseUpForeverSummer with my sibs ☺️ #blessed 🙏 Can't wait @prengskiiieee @karlitosantos @queensantosjune

[santospammie]

#squaready

[santospammie]

Blessed with amazing crew!

[santospammie]

Last thursday with the th gang when viber, DJs and Plato brought every Lasallian's happy thursday to a whole new level #streetparty #rave

[santospammie]

Oh mama🙈 #TheOneAndTheOnly 😉

[santospammie]

Got back from my davao wash up and I'm missing this already!! Carabao bulalo for the win and of course another mega fruit shopping 👍👍👍 😁 #grabbedphoto

[santospammie]

My "AM home reserve" buddy. (Crew will understand) 😁

[santospammie]

Girl power flight with Captain and FO 👊

[santospammie]

Girl power flight 👊

[santospammie]

Mega fruit shopping and exciting overnight at Davao with @slimzhel 😊 #blessed

[santospammie]

What welcome my eyes every morning are sights of God's beautiful creation 🌞 #Tacloban #Dumaguete #IForgotWhereSorry 😁