samandares

[samandares]

begging in the form of a threat. making me somebody's daughter was a mistake

[samandares]

don't you dare put that choice on me

[samandares]

i'm getting on a plane to see my boyfriend tomorrow not gonna sleep 2 nite

[samandares]

a few memorable morning friends i have met on other occasions:

-a trans woman named birdie in a sundress with blue birds on it. shockingly we didn't really talk about gender she was just really into cinema and parasite had just come out so we had a lot to talk about. normally talking about movies can be hard for me cause the words get stuck in my throat but she had this magic around her that made it really easy to talk about. i think i was in love with her for 2 months after that.

-a guy outside of my favorite gas station who had a very affectionate very beautiful green and brown python named pizzaz draped around his shoulders. he let me say hi to her and talked about how he was expanding his home specially for his snakes so they could spread out. he had "SHOCK" tattooed in huge black letters lengthwise on his right arm and "HORROR" tattooed on the same huge lettering on his left arm. he had a very gentle voice.

-the tallest man i have ever seen who after seeing my smashing pumpkins shirt regaled me with the tale about how in the late 90s he was outside of a venue trying to find people selling scalped tickets when billy corgan swooped in out of nowhere and got him and his 3 friends backstage passes. i don't know if he was bullshitting the story but the way his very deep voice got all giggly and fangirly while he was telling it leads me to believe there's at least a drop of truth in it. starstruck is an emotion that's hard to fake.

-an older man who i talked to a few times because he would hang out outside my work before i had to clock in. one time he told me the story of how he found the body of a kid he knew on the train tracks in the summer of 1962. he also made artisan leather wallets and i collected animal bones from the same train tracks he found the body on so we set up an arrangement where i would sell him the cleaned teeth and claws of dead coyotes and possums i would find. the kicker was that every time he left after we talked i would inexplicably get extremely nauseas and full body chills. i'm not totally unconvinced he wasn't the ghost of the kid he "found on the tracks".

i got coffee and had a conversation with a guy named chaz about music, natural disasters, and the feeling of constant worry while we smoked. they had on a demon slayer shirt and i don't watch the show but i thought it looked cool. not being able to sleep sucks but sometimes when you're up at the ass crack of dawn getting coffee and smoking you meet other freaks who are doing the same thing as you and it doesn't feel nearly as lonely. on the way back home i listened to the beer by kimya dawson 3 times. i'm still tired but i feel better. or at least awake.

[samandares]

i got coffee and had a conversation with a guy named chaz about music, natural disasters, and the feeling of constant worry while we smoked. they had on a demon slayer shirt and i don't watch the show but i thought it looked cool. not being able to sleep sucks but sometimes when you're up at the ass crack of dawn getting coffee and smoking you meet other freaks who are doing the same thing as you and it doesn't feel nearly as lonely. on the way back home i listened to the beer by kimya dawson 3 times. i'm still tired but i feel better. or at least awake.

[samandares]

still can't sleep though that's an issue.

[samandares]

bashing my head into a wall event canceled for now. keeping the option open though

[samandares]

i need to get bonked on the head so hard i forget everything that has happened in the past 3-ish weeks

[samandares]

i need to stop telling people when i'm hurting or having a shit day it's not productive for anyone or anything

[samandares]

they need to research me for science. like my brain. it's not good

[samandares]

i feel like i should explain sam a little. coincidentally lola is my grandmas name and i was thinking what if i named my alien after my grandpa samuel. sam. he died in 2011 but there's a tree for him in city park in new orleans that i visit whenever i can like if i have a free day after classes. sometimes i bring his tree a banana snoball too cause they were his favorite for some reason. he was cool. so was lola, but she just died back in september. there's no tree for her yet.

[samandares]

withdrawals fucking suck!

[samandares]

sam hungry send me car crash compilation videos

[samandares]

it's raining! big time!

[samandares]

hi.

i might make a lola+g type blog so i can have a coping mechanism that isn't dumping all my insomnia thoughts on my main blog

[samandares]

sammy is here