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Characters who will tell you to use them while you ride them

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Imagine asking Thorin why he doesn’t have a queen as a way of flirting with him

Y/N: “So, King Under The Mountain, I have an important question for you.”

Thorin: “Yeh and what might that be?”

Y/N: “Why no queen under the mountain?”

Thorin: “Heh. Lots of reasons I suppose. Why? You think you could fill the position?”

Y/N: “Well I have a few questions before I can consider even making an application.”

Thorin: “What might they be?” *smirk*

Y/N: “This mountain of yours, is it cold up there? I don’t do well with the cold.”

Thorin: “Don’t worry, no wife of mine would go cold.”

Y/N: *stares at him smirking for a moment*

Y/N: “Huh, my husband, King Under The Mountain. Will I even see you, dear? Be so busy with all your kingly duties and I may just be left neglected and lonely.”

Thorin: “Oh dearest, I’d never let that happen.”

Y/N: “You’ll have to promise me then. I shall never spend a dinner without my darling husband.”

Thorin: “I’d pour you your mead and give you the largest slice of meat.”

Y/N: “And when I retire for the evening in what I can only assume to be a royally lavish bed.”

Thorin: “Only the best for my queen.”

Y/N: “Will my husband be there every night for me? I think a fire and furs can only do so much to warm me.”

Thorin: *suddenly looking at you dreamily, really beginning to think of this life* “I will sleep beside you everything night, my darling. With me you should want for nothing, you will never know the cold or hunger ever again.”

Y/N: *staring into his gorgeous blue eyes with love and care* “That all sounds perfect. Although I do begin to wonder about what lovely jewels and gowns my husband may bestow me with.”

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More Incorrect Hobbit Quotes

Thorin: *enters Bilbo's home and sees (Y/n) among the rest of the company* "You shouldn't be here! I thought I told you, 'no'!"

(Y/n): "But your eyes said, 'yes'."

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Thorin, at Y/n: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Fili and Kili, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

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has anyone written anything about hotch being so pussy whipped that he wants to eat you out 24/7 as a stress reliever for him (and you tbf) but it becomes a Problem like he wants it when you literally have shit to do and errands to run and he’s just like all puppy dog eyes and pleaseeee just for half an hour??? i feel like i’m going insane just with the thoughts of it

(if no one has written it don’t worry i will do it, however if someone has… 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼 please i beg)

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AGENT CARTER 1.03 Time and Tide (2015) dir. Scott Winant AVENGERS: ENDGAME (2019) dir. The Russo Brothers

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Face First

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

{Klaus Mikaelson x f!reader} A few late-night texts leads to a very unexpected house call. You’re on your period. Klaus doesn’t care.

♡♡ For my beautiful feral Klaus lovers ♡♡

1.7k words - Warnings: smutt, oral sex only, period sex, fingering, sexting, mild anal play, unsolicited house visits && {of course} Klaus being Klaus ...

You weren’t trying to start anything. Not really.

You were just bored. Horny in that aimless, restless way that came from too much scrolling and not enough serotonin. The sheets were soft. The night was quiet. You were freshly showered, wrapped in an oversized t-shirt, legs bare, your period cramps finally dulled to a distant throb. For whatever reason, your brain had decided Niklaus fucking Mikaelson was the problem and the solution all at once.

So you opened your messages and did something incredibly stupid. You pulled your shirt up and snapped a photo. Nothing too explicit. Just bare thighs, legs spread, the hem hitched high enough to hint at more. Just enough to drive him insane. You hit send, a little thrill of adrenaline spiking through you.

And then you waited. The response was almost instant. ~ Nik: thinking of me? ~

You laughed. You had been doing nothing of the sort. ~ You: i was bored ~

~ Nik: is that an invitation?  ~

~ You: could be, what's in it for me? ~

You could hear the smirk in his voice as you read his next message. ~ Nik: anything. Name it, and I'll give it to you ~

A shiver rolled down your spine. A promise like that was a dangerous thing, coming from someone like him. ~ You: send me a picture ~

There was a long pause, and for a moment, you thought you might have gone too far. He was a possessive man. He didn't share, and he didn't like when people saw him vulnerable. You had pushed. Maybe you had pushed too much.

The ping of a new message made you jump. Your heart thudded in your chest, a rush of adrenaline and arousal spiking through you. The image was mostly a tease. Just the barest glimpse of the hard line of him beneath the soft fabric of his pajama pants, the outline of him thick and straining, the fabric tented and pulled tight. It was hot as fuck.

 He sent a second message. ~ Nik: don't say i never gave you anything ~

You took another photo. A little bolder, this time. The shirt pushed up a bit further, your breasts on display for him.

~ Nik: touch yourself for me ~

~ You: you can't tell me what to do ~

He knew you were teasing. There was a part of you that loved when he got bossy, that loved the way he would grab you, force you down, pin you beneath him and take what he wanted. You could almost feel the ghost of his lips on your throat, the weight of him heavy between your thighs, the delicious ache of him filling you.

~ Nik: I'm coming over ~

You blinked at the screen. ~ You: No you're not ~

No response. ~ You: Nik i’m serious ~

Nothing. ~ You: do not show up here right now, I'm on my period... I'm not even joking, don't come over here ~

The bubbles stayed on delivered. Either he killed his read receipts, or he was already enroute. You sighed, dragged a blanket and your phone out to the living-room sofa, and snuggled deeper into the couch cushions. If he showed up, you would just not invite him in.

A knock at the door.

 Shit.

You threw back the blanket, shoving your feet into the nearest pair of shoes. You grabbed your robe, throwing it over your shoulders. You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the chill, and threw the door open.

Klaus stood in the threshold, eyebrow raised, an amused smirk curling his lips. You leaned against the doorframe, feigning boredom... never mind the way your pulse kicked at the sight of him.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" he asked, gaze roaming over you. He seemed... amused.

“Why?” you asked sweetly. “So you can ignore me again? Or maybe chat up another random blonde at Rousseau’s like you did last week?”

"That was a misunderstanding, love," he said, his tone low and smooth, the way he spoke when he wanted to talk his way out of trouble. 

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.  "Oh, really?"

"Let me make it up to you," he murmured. "You know how persuasive my tongue can be."

Your mouth went dry, but you kept your composure. "I'm on my period."

"Is that an excuse," he said, voice dropping low, "or a challenge?"

Klaus braced one palm flat against the doorframe, the other against the opposite side, boxing you in without crossing the invisible line. The threshold itself seemed to sizzle between you, the thin membrane of old magic keeping the monster at bay.

"Let me in," he said again, quieter this time. "Let me fix what I fucked up."

"You can’t fix it with sex."

"No," he agreed. "But I can start with my mouth. And darling..." His eyes dipped to your thighs, pupils blown wide. "If you think a little blood between your thighs makes me want you less, you’ve forgotten what I am."

Your breath caught, your cheeks on fire.

“Invite me in,” he murmured, nearly begging, finger-tips tapping the wood, knuckles whitening with restraint, every muscle coiled to leap the second permission fell.

One heartbeat. Two.

 “Fine,” you breathed. “Come in. Lock the door behind you.”

The word come barely left your lips before the barrier snapped open. Klaus surged forward, slamming the door behind him and pulling you into his arms. His lips captured yours, biting at your bottom lip like he wanted to taste the need right off your mouth, then he tugged you towards your bedroom.

You fell back onto the mattress, legs sprawled. Your nightie rode up on its own, and you didn’t bother fixing it.

"Sweet fucking hell," he groaned, staring at the slick and dark-red sheen between your thighs.

He dropped to his knees, his gaze locked with yours, dark eyes full of reverence and desire. The moment his tongue touched you, a wave of relief rolled through your body, chasing away the lingering ache of cramps you'd been battling all day. You exhaled shakily, the tension in your muscles easing immediately under his touch.

The first lap of his tongue made you gasp, the second made your eyes roll back, and the third was nothing but a high-pitched moan as he latched his lips around your clit and sucked. You were so sensitive, and the way his tongue moved against you was too much and not enough, the wet, obscene noises of his lips working against you only making it better.

“Fuck, I missed this,” he muttered, voice rough and wet with need. His thumb teased at your entrance, and you bucked, hissing. He pressed his forearm across your hips, pinning you in place. “You’ve no idea what it does to me. How sweet you taste.”

You gasped, hands flying to his hair, fingers tangling in those curls and tugging hard. That only made him groan louder. He loved it and it spurred him on. Klaus was relentless. Tongue flattening and circling, then flicking just right, until your legs shook and your hips jolted with every stroke.

“Nik,” you cried, voice catching. “Please.”

He pulled back, lips slick with blood, eyes gleaming. “Please what, love? If you want something, you’ll need to ask properly.”

When all you could do was whimper, he smirked and pressed a kiss to your mound. Then slid two fingers inside your soaked cunt in one smooth, practiced motion. You jolted, hips lifting, the pleasure white-hot and searing, the pace he set making your toes curl.

“Ah. That, then.” He chuckled.

The pressure built fast. Too fast. Klaus didn’t slow. If anything, he got rougher, more focused. His mouth stayed messy and hot against you. His fingers never relented.

He looked up at you through his lashes, face slick, and smirked. “Come on, then. Show me how pretty you are when you break.”

You didn’t stand a chance. Your back arched as the orgasm hit, sharp and electric, tearing through you. Your thighs clamped around his head but he didn’t stop. Just groaned into your cunt, licking you through it like nothing else mattered.

“Nik, too much.”

He didn’t budge. Didn’t stop. He just kissed your clit again, harder this time, and slid a third finger in with a filthy sound. His other hand gripped your ass, spreading you open. His thumb circled the tight ring there with slow, steady pressure.

“Relax,” he said, and eased it in.

A moan fell from your lips. It didn't hurt. But the pressure was overwhelming, the feeling of being stretched and filled making you writhe. You whimpered, tugging his curls even harder. He moaned, deep and guttural, fingers driving into you with purpose. The second orgasm hit fast and brutal. You squirted around his hand, slick soaking everything, a strangled sob ripping from your throat.

“Fuck,” he snarled. “That’s it. Look at the mess you’re making.”

You trembled violently, body twitching through the aftershocks, unable to do anything but pant and take it. The sheets were a mess of red, and when you managed to open your eyes, his face was still buried between your thighs, his eyes black, the veins dark and stark beneath them. He groaned, licking a final slow stripe up your cunt.

You tried to scoot back, but his arm tightened.

"Too much, Nik." You whined, pushing his bloody face away. "Stoppp," you slurred, the syllables coming out all wrong.

He chuckled, and pulled away, his mouth and chin gleamed a dark crimson. But he didn’t wipe it; he looked proud of the mess. Then he crawled up your body, dragging hot kisses along your skin, up your stomach, your chest, your throat. Painting faint red smears everywhere his lips touched.

“You are so fucking smug,” you rasped, half out of your mind.

“Hard not to be, after tasting ambrosia.” He licked his lips, his mouth still stained and wet.

"Ew, go brush your teeth," you grumbled, and shoved him.

"I didn't hear a thank-you," he said, rolling his eyes. But he slid off the bed and sauntered towards the bathroom.

You smiled, rolling onto your side, watching him through the open doorway. He washed his face, then rinsed his mouth. He didn't bother closing the door, or turning the light off. He knew you were watching. Knew you liked seeing him. You didn't bother hiding it.

He returned with a warm, damp cloth, and cleaned you up, gentle and slow. You were nearly asleep by the time he was done, and he tossed the towel aside, climbed into bed beside you, and wrapped you in his arms.

"Does this mean I get another chance at taking you out?" he murmured, stroking your hair.

"Depends."

"On?"

"Whether or not I wake up alone."

He snorted, pressing a kiss to your temple. "That won't be a problem, love. Not a chance in hell."

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I really feel like people are going to hate the Klaus ‘fuck the pain away’ Mikaelson I’m writing… because I kind of do.

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My ovaries are banging on the door. Morpheus open the fuck up

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bruce wayne with a s/o who doesn’t know he’s batman

- bruce considers himself lucky—as painfully disingenuous that might seem

- his pretty little thing has a crush on the one and only savior of gotham, the dark knight, batman

- he thinks it’s cute when you watch the news looking for him, seeing if there’s any new attacks, hoping batman will come and save everyone from the scary monsters

- or when you’re eating breakfast and you can’t help but tell bruce everything you know about batman

- “i feel so bad, poor guy just needs a hug :(“

- “did you know that he keeps every robin uniform in a special case, even if they’re still active or not?”

- “did you know that there’s a V shaped scar on his back he got from fighting joker a few years ago?”

- how you know that, bruce has no idea

- dick finds it very humorous

- he’ll crack a smile whenever you say that he reminds you of someone, maybe an actor or a pop star

- “you remind me of someone very specific, i just can’t put my finger on it”

- “haha! let me know when you figure it out!”

- bruce finds it especially endearing when he takes you out to a gala he’s forced into

- you’re absolutely stunning, your body leaving marks on his mind, pretty hair, alluring scent

- everyone can’t help but gawk at the two of you, one arm it’s billionaire playboy bruce wayne, the other arm it’s his absolutely breathtaking partner

- but once someone even mentions batman, all of your professionalism turns off and bruce never fails to display a smile

- “sorry! don’t mean to interrupt but—you were talking about batman?”

- bruce wishes he could tell you, he’s thought of your reaction many times to the news

- if you’d be overjoyed, scared, angry, he’s not sure

- he does know you love him dearly and sometimes he’ll play into your fantasy, he loves you enough to share a piece of the secret with him

(nsfw)

- even if you’re unaware that the person who fucks you at night is the same person you think about when he does pierce his cock into you

- now, don’t get it wrong

- bruce knows very much you love him, you adore everything he does, and will give him every piece of you if he’d ask

- even if that means begging him to dress as batman to fuck you stupid, he might consider it—only, it is batman

- the real batman

- it took a bit of convincing from you, but he ultimately decided to give you the fantasy you’d been dreaming of

- “come on, bruceyy, don’t be jealous! i just—y’know.. think he’s hot and stuff”

- “we’ll see”

- and sought you did

- after a hard day, you finally made it to the wayne manor, sighing once you pushed the key and were greeted by alfred

- you had a quick chat, nothing more than friendly banter before making your way to the bedroom

- the door was closed, nothing suspicious but you swore when you left that morning, it was open

- when you entered, the heat that filled your body was nothing more of excitement

- there, sat on the bed was your boyfriend, the giant that he is, clad head to toe in the infamous batman costume

- “w-what- b-bruce?”

- “bruce? is that your boyfriend, sweetheart? he wouldn’t mind if i played with you for a minute, would he?”

- oh.

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Everyone thinks Elijah doesn't curse but he actually just uses exclusively archaic curse words that no one but his siblings would recognize. This both because he is resistant to change and because it's fun for him to get away with using uncouth language and keep his Proper facade.

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Characters who would call you a ‘stupid human’ but they’re trying to flirt

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Cause Girl You're Perfect

Directions- Log in before clicking on the UNDERLINED link.

Tags: Bruce Wayne n fem!reader, pounding, hornballs, squirting, creampies, cum, whining, moaning, groaning, grunting, spanking, pulling, nipple play, clit stimulation, full up sex, no plot..., breeding, gentleness, rough sex, dom n sub roles, groping, cervix!bullying, fluid combo,69' position, anal sex, just the tip, recording, spitting, edging, slight somnophilia, vibrators, constraints, fishnets, panties, fleshlight, g-spot. (●´ω｀●)

part one, part two

Bruce fucking you tenderly as he rubs your tiny little clit- praising you as his length is covered in cum and slick from you

Bruce using your tiny lil cunnie like a fleshlight as he vigorously pounds into you, all nine inches hitting your cervix making you cockdrunk. His large breeder balls continously hit your asshole as he rubs the large red handprints on your ass cheek

Bruce only using the tip to be 'gentle' with your pussy as the combination of oil and cream glistens on your body

Bruce squishing your belly as he ruts into you from behind, his fingers groping your fat ploppy tits making you squeal with desire

Bruce bending you over the desk as he spanks your thicc ass, grinning to himself as he looks at the red marks blooming on your skin. He'll toy with your crystal plug to make you squirm in pleasure

Bruce discovering that the 69 position is a great way to pleasure your partner and its so godly in the bedroom that he came so much in your mouth

Bruce letting you ride his girthy cock while he watches you, his hand rubbing your tits while he records from behind for Clark <3

Bruce tying your hands from behind as he spanks your ass and finger fucks you, leaving you on the edge for being such a brat. His cock drives into your tight hole as he uses you like a ragdoll

Bruce spitting onto your silky folds as his fingers work their magic, his hand restraining you from closing your legs as you endure the endless pleasure

Bruce inspecting your holes as he calls it a 'check up' for his doll, loving every moan and whine you let out

Bruce rubbing your asshole as he makes you bounce up n down on his dick, making you work for the pleasure as he leans back

Bruce fucking you in the ass, his thick white cream running down your folds as you rub your clit trying to double the stimulation

Bruce edging you through the thin fabric of your panties, keeping you from cumming yet leading you to the brink of an orgasm

Bruce playing with your puffy pussy covered in his own cum, mesmerized as the liquid drips down into your hole, hearing your sleepy noises

Bruce constraining your limbs together as he lays you on the bed, insering a vibrator into your hole making you writhe around knowing you get off on it

Bruce rubbing your pussy through the thin cloth, ripping it open as he reveals the sticky icky mess between your thighs, getting a hard on from the sight

Bruce using a fleshlight solely custom made off of your body while you're away, his loud groans and grunts echoing around the manor

Bruce forcing you to bounce on his huge shaft, enjoying the sounds that emit from your mouth when his tip kisses your g-spot perfectly

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊

A/N Holy shizzlenut is it bad i have more links to write abt... also had to become a couple counselor while doing this and now realize how crazy I am. Also need to be dicked down like bella from twilight and also need to get motivation for minecraft (⑉• ﻌ •⑉)

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Pro-Damon arguments have always been pretty stupid imo, but an argument I've been seeing a lot more of recently is people saying that they prefer Damon to Stefan- both as a character and as a love interest for Elena- because "Damon was aware that he was a monster whereas Stefan pretended that he wasn't", and I have got to say, this is such a brain dead take.

Let's start by addressing the first part of the claim, that Damon's self-awareness inherently makes him better. No. Believe it or not, being self-aware does not make you a good person, it's what you do with that awareness that does. What does Damon do with his self-awareness? Absolutely nothing. He whines and cries about how much of a monster he is and how he can't change whenever anyone tries to hold him accountable for anything, or he just puts the blame on Katherine or his mother because "they didn't wuv him 🥺👉🏻👈🏻". So, he recognizes that he's a bad person, but then he proceeds to continue to be a bad person anyway...I'm not seeing how this is a good- or even a respectable- thing. Damon also doesn't care! He enjoys murdering and r*ping people. How does someone knowing they're a bad person, and then doing nothing to be better, make them a better person? It doesn't. The logic of that argument is non-existent. And to then go on and say that this is why Elena should choose him?? Why? How does Elena begging Damon to just stop being horrible, and then him responding with "I'm a monster, I'll never change" scream "I'm someone you should be with"?? There's a reason she told him he was the worst choice she would ever make.

Now, for the second part of the claim, which states that Stefan pretends that he is a good person when really, he's a monster. Once again: no. Tell me you don't have general comprehension skills without telling me because Stefan's desperation to hold onto his humanity and morality are very central parts of his character. He recognizes that he's done horrible things and takes full accountability for them. Whenever Elena asks him a question about his past, he's honest with her. He doesn't hide things from her, downplay them, or push the blame onto someone else (and if someone tries to bring up him not initially telling her he was a vampire, I will scream. Because duh! Why would he just be like, "Hey, I'm Stefan, I'm a vampire, nice to meet you!"? Please be serious) He's said the words "I am/was a monster" multiple times on screen - same as Damon - the difference between the two of them is that Stefan does something about it. Stefan trying to be a better person is not him pretending he's never done bad things. It's him trying to atone for all of the bad things that he has done. So, when he says that he's not Damon, It's true! Because he does everything Damon doesn't do when it comes to facing the consequences of his actions. Which also winds up forcing him to face the consequences of Damon's actions as well!

Only in the TVD fandom will you see people say that the guy who actively does the wrong thing in every scenario and who revels in being the bad guy is better than the guy who hates the part of himself that does horrible things and puts all of his effort into being a better person simply because guy #1 is "self-aware".

I hate it here.

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Damon & Elena make NO sense

I have rewatching TVD (instead of watching my to watch list) and i honestly do NOT even get why these were ever a thing.

Speaking her as an ex hard core Delena & Damon fan, there’s literally NO actual reason for Damon to be so “madly in love” with Elena, LITERALLY EVERYTHING about her is something he HATES and MOCKS Stefan and any/every human for it.

He HATES kindness in people and Stefan

He HATES sweetness he literally mocks anyone for it and he’s NEVER sweet.

He HATES women who have standards hence always seeking easy women aka Caroline Forbes

He HATES morality and doing the right thing

He HATES normal human experience or any human activity and makes fun each one.

He HATES ALL of her friends and family LITERALLY HATES them with passion.

He HATES diaries and belittles it’s importance every chance he gets

He HATES nature.

He HATES adventure UNLESS its party and alcohol that’s the only definition of adventure he accepts.

So what does he exactly “love” about Elena? Anything/everything that MAKES HER ELENA GILBERT he HATES it and MOCKS it…..yet he’s “crazy” about her

How does that make any sense?

The fact that Elena from S4 till the very end CHANGED everything about herself, her morals, her caring personality, her clothes style and her hair style goes to show how 1) she was STILL ENSLAVED to Damon and that sire bond NEVER broke 2) Damon basically treat her as his personal fantasy slave and CHANGED EVERYTHING about her to SUIT him.

The same goes for Elena, what does she actually see in Damon? He’s literally EVERYTHING she hates about the bad supernatural, he’s literally the LIVING EMBODIMENT of EVERYTHING she FEARS & HATES in EVIL supernaturals, he’s everything she’s AGAINST.

No seriously what do they “love” about each other exactly?

@apathologicalpeoplepleaser2

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ARE YOU UPSET? HOT. ( Bruce wayne )

summary: Bruce has a weakness for his wife when she's angry, maybe he should make her angry more often.

open request - dc masterlist

"Bruce."

He turned his head slightly and saw you standing at the edge of the stairs. Your satin robe was half-open, your hair loose and messy. Arms crossed, exactly under your chest.

God bless that stance.

"Do you know what time it is?" you asked, not moving.

Bruce cleared his throat. "I was reviewing some recordings of..."

"Bruce..."

Just his name, not honey, not love, not Boosh, his damn name. He was in trouble.

"Yes, I know," he said, turning completely around. He looked at her brazenly, not bothering to hide it. "You're upset."

—I'm cold, lonely, and upset. I've been waiting for you upstairs for two hours.

He leaned against the desk, arms crossed as well, as if that would balance the power. But no. Not when you were standing there, dressed like that, in front of him.

"What if I told you I needed ten more minutes?" he asked, without much hope.

you stopped right in front of him. "What if I told you this robe has nothing underneath?"

Bruce blinked. Twice. “Liar,” he muttered, his voice deeper than usual.

"Oh, really?" you said, taking a step closer. The scent of jasmine and night rose enveloped him, mingling with the latent threat in your gaze. The cleavage that formed when you leaned slightly forward, the soft curve of her waist, the touch of your skin under the fine fabric… it was a delicious torture.

And the fact that you were upset made it worse. Better. Fucking irresistible.

Bruce exhaled slowly, as if he'd just taken a direct blow to the chest. His jaw tightened, and the hint of a crooked smile appeared on his lips. "That's not fair," he said.

"I didn't come to be fair, Bruce. I came to take you to our bed"

He looked at you, from your burning eyes to your thighs, barely hidden by your robe. And he cursed. Inside. Outside. Everything.

You were hot, and he… he'd always been an idiot for thinking he could resist you.

"You're upset," he repeated, as if he needed reminding her.

"I'm furious." Your voice was soft, almost sweet. But he knew you. He knew that when you lowered your voice, when you moved slowly, that was when you were most dangerous.

Bruce stood tall, the height difference making him look like a mountain in a gale. But the gale was in control. You were in control.

"Give me ten minutes," he tried, one last time, barely a whisper.

"I'll give you three." You turned, and the robe opened a little more as you started up the stairs, deliberately leaving that flash of skin, of curve, of intention.

Bruce stands there, watching you as you walk to the bed you both share, every day he thanked God for putting her in his path.