salthoney - Tumblr blog

[salthoney]

twenty feb

remember that I have so much to be grateful for

haha, there was that day after (almost) overnight mahjong, when I was feeling sentimental all, and suddenly i was like just grateful for all that i have

it is so much more, to have someone who genuinely care for you

everything else really doesnt matter so much

i have so many things to be grateful for - thank you

i am enough and I have enough

[salthoney]

it's like a bad breakup

telling myself it's okay, and I can come back stronger, better or not come back at all. being at peace is much more important and whats more important is that im having fun and i know what im doing

even though this 2 days tournament really rekt me hard

never knew it took so much focus and so much brain power to play frisbee, i guess it's hard when the matchups and the games are hard. thats probably why i got so drained right after the games

never knew it was so hard to focus up to play tough games, but i guess thats what makes it fun

anyway, it's the end of a season - time to think about where to next and how to next

it is okay to fomo, it is fine, it is normal but thats also how we grow stronger

I dont need validations from them so long I know clearly what I'm doing and what I'm offering

[salthoney]

1/12 completed

it's the end of the first month in 2024, what have i accomplished?

procrastinating on my monthly review HAHAH

[salthoney]

terrible thoughts

it's time to sleep but somehow there are a lot of thoughts keeping me awake

my messy room

my frustration

my resolution

my need to find myself abit more peaceful than where i am right now

this is getting out of hand - i need some stablity and some order in this chaos

fk it sleep first

[salthoney]

inspired to be writing more, especially after reading failing forward (alliteration!)

hopefully this provides more clarity to my thoughts and also helped me actualise some self identity

it is hard to type on phone so i gotta set aside some time to do this

keep myself accountable! especially the good habits i want to build

- coming up: post gender nats day1 thoughts

[salthoney]

twenty six, january

it's crazy!

it has been 2 years since I last posted - finally revived it and probably time for some reflection

but first I need to get out of the house!!

[salthoney]

seventeeth december

really really really feel like what I'm doing is very undervalued. sure i can churn out many many reports and many many data. but at the end of the day, people only care about pretty comms thing and thats kinda annoying. like just because my thing doesnt look pretty doesnt mean they are not very valuable. but it's making me so uncomfortable that people dont seem to value these things.

if they are not important then why am i spending time working on them. boo. bye. back to work, cause it is my responsibility 🙄

[salthoney]

fifteenth august

sunday, sunny af

i miss having some olympics action. cant even believe that olympics withdrawal is actually a thing. last week was actually a short week but it really does feel infinitely long. hahah why does every work week feels so extremely god damn long. i dont even think that i hate work as much but it just starting to feel like oh okay it's work.

finally got some form of kudos and praise for getting work automation index done, but people really dont understand how hard it is to actually "actionable insights" done. somehow i'm just feeling i'm actually just not good enough for this job. yeah sure find time to talk to people, find time to understand the business, find time to read - excuses but then what about all those data foundation work which needs to be done. who's gonna handle them if im busy finding what stories we can tell. oh dear, lets not worry about work until it gets to that. but i gotta admit, having a standing desk is really so much better. hahaha working does feel that bit more enjoyable.

celebrate the things which we can - almost 2 hours hospital playlist episode - tonkatsu don!! - did i eat my favourite icecream twice this week?

this 2 hours long hospital playlist showed me that even the strongest superwoman struggles at times. and sometimes we just need that one support which we can get, something to take our mind off. no one is perfect all the time, sometimes we just need to take a break. and it's important to prioritise that break. so easy to say but so hard to plan for

life is not easy but we just gotta believe in what we are doing. believe in yourself madeleine. things will lighten up eventually. and you know dont let your work define you. theres so much more new things for you to explore, so many more new years

and i guess journaling really helps. typing on my clicky clacky keyboard is also rather therapeutic.

2021 still feels very much like 2020, but we are 7 months in. things are surely gonna change. so ironic - at some point in time, you know, we were all just hating changes. but now we just cant wait for things to change.

ps: that Covid in Israel article made me really scared. what if humanity have to continuously take jabs and shots just so we are safe from contracting covid.

covid covid, you are really so annoying.

[salthoney]

eighth august

sunday, clear

rare public monday holiday. woke up thinking like omg, tmr is monday, what do i need to do tmr - but realised thats like another day's problem. really glad to have one day to chill and relax. still thinking if i should go and find jans or i should just stay at home.

wanted to say im proud of myself for drawing the line of at weekends - but i still opened slack and check messages. ended up spending time posting for SKO WISH. hahahah tragic. thank go there are no messages to deal with

anw, it has been a rather okay week. didnt feel particularly down so i guess thats great. journaling is powerful even though it feels a little awkward. but hey it gives me more opportunity to use my keyboard and my standing desk.

maybe im okay this week because there was some 新鲜感 to working with the new standing desk. probably one of my better decisions these few days. it has make working abit more fun. also took the plunge to buy a new monitor arm and a new monitor. yay to dream setup? still need to spend some time setting it up. but hey i do enjoy that hahaha. monitor shakes a bit wen

watching about productivity videos also sort of got me thinking - its probably good to include a daily highlight - something I will accomplish that day. that may help me

weekly jotting of what has been done is failing at week 13. but i will probably take some time to figure what I have done for the past week when the next week starts

---

side reflection of watching olympics for the past two weeks. sports climbing is pretty recreational to watch on the side when you have shit which you need to clear.

also its amazing how people spent 5 years training for 10 seconds of their life or 5 matches of their life. it's also sad that only 3 will be remembered. being qualified for olympics in itself is such an achiever. but theres always so much hate going on when athletes dont bring back medals. but why. they are already trying their best.

it's not gonna be easy facing all that pressure, and it sure does help when people dont give shit about things.

to all athletes around the world, fight on.

---

also yay mother bought milk

[salthoney]

tired-ness

why are there so many thoughts bearing me down

why are there so many unwanted stuff

what is the first step I can take

to move away from this life i hate

[salthoney]

pending down my thoughts

hello, tumblr, i hope this is a safe place.

i’ve been finding myself talking myself more and more. sometimes its a good thing cause i encourage myself more. sometimes i find more despair i dont know

but i guess its important that we have self-conversations, how else would we know if this is what we really wanted

thinking in the shower today made me realise that what I really wanted really was experiencing life. and all i want is the simple things

i want to have brunch with the person i love on a day im not working

i want to experience how is it like living together with the person i love 

and no i dont see any easy way of me getting there

and yes I guess i just have to face my frogs and do the difficult things in life. because hey what would I do if i leave my job and find out that i dont have enough cash to get by. thats not cool.

which really reminds me - i should be starting my monthly deposits into ETFs 

hahah and also i was supposed to be tidying up my wardrobe

but look where i am today: watching drama, writing journals

but then journals are important and at the very least: i changed my bedsheet.

probably should have exercised but we dont always get what we want

push on maddygoh

[salthoney]

so

so it has been quite a long while since I last posted. do people usually just stop keeping memories you know when they dont have the time to. we are just living on instastories arent we. 

looking back at all the old posts I’ve had. it has really been a long time and I guess it’s really time to do some reflections. also just changed my keycaps so what better time to do some reflections. and lets use this random list i found online hahahaha. 

1. Am I using my time wisely?

Maybe. COVID has been tough. I’m grateful for everybody I can still keep in touch with and has a healthy relationship with. Taking some time to reflect now so that I understand myself abit better. I mean I could be packing my room and making my work conditions abit bettter - but this is not too bad. I think sometimes we are just overly concerned with wanting to be the most productive with our time, but I think it’s also really important to be able to take a break and rest our minds and just take a step back with all these new things and new routines and adapting to them. 休息是為了走更長的路嘛

2. Am I taking anything for granted?

Am probably taking quite a lot of things at home for granted. And what my family is doing for me. Yes I’m still the picky eater. but I guess I’m trying. maybe I am maybe i’m not hahahah but idk. Everybody is tired and I dont know how I can help without expensing myself.

3. Am I employing a healthy perspective?

define healthy perspective. I don’t know but I try telling myself that any discomfort and anxiety I’m experiencing is a result of growth. I don’t know how much anxiety is too much but i guess it’s important for me to draw that line myself. nts is probably not to keep everything inside myself. There are people around me who love me for who I am.

4. Am I living true to myself?

At some point in time this was exactly what I wanted. Am I happy with what I have right now? I guess I am pretty content with it. Definitely more things which I would like to do, and this is definitely not something I would like to do for the next decade or so. but I guess it’s okay for now

5. Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?

Definitely not. I guess I can work on this. And figure out what is so tough about my day and takes so long to start. It’s okay we all learn!! Hahah thinking what I can do to stop nuaing the first thing I wake up. Maybe just GO STRAIGHT TO SHOWER!!

6. Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?

Some days for sure. Especially when there is a upcoming meeting which I am not ready for (ahem Product Data) but oh wells. It’s life. I know people around me love me.

7. Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?

I try to. Haha but is trying enough. I have no idea I guess we will know in the future (’:

8. Am I taking care of myself physically?

Definitely not with all the junk I’m eating and with the weird ass sleeping hours. Maybe can start to take baby steps away from that (oops just bought 2 boxes of hello panda). Sleeping hours back to tragic with this Phase 2 Heightened Alert. It is getting abit tough. but hey with this P2HA I actually have time to type this. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Oh but hey I still squeeze time to work out!!

9. Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?

BIG FAT DEFO. HAHAHAHAH. Recognising is step one but i guess I’m still learning how to deal with this 

10. Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?

I guess Im contented with what I have (:

and yes I am tired of these questions hahahah you see the reply getting shorter and shorter but hey better than nothing!! yes there’s always a bright side

[salthoney]

当你发现有些事其实真的不是说算了就能算了...

其实自己也不知道现在是什么感觉，总觉得有点对不起人，有点对不起自己

也不知道自己在干嘛就对了。

[salthoney]

第五次

我到底幾時才會看開

[salthoney]

this never felt any true-r

“为什么人总是对自己的所爱的人要求更为苛刻，更难以谅解？”

[salthoney]

白馬王子並不存在著

第三次

[salthoney]

uncertainty

it is scary, it strikes fear and it terrifies me. 

but all i want to say is I’m so thankful that you are here with me and I guess this is one lesson for me to reevaluate who are the people who are really truly nice to me.

the “friends” who say that I am burden/troublesome are not real friends

real friends are those people who say that u r silly for apologising and thanking them

and to people who truly love and care for you, they will never say that you are troublesome or burdensome, they will be there to take care of your needs when you cant do them yourselves. 

and i hope i remember to never take them for granted and always think in their perspectives, for the best of them, and taking care of them when they need me

and people whom you really love and care are never burdens

or maybe we are using the word “burden” too lightly but these “friends” should know how you are feeling before calling you a burden dont they?