sallymaomao16

[sallymaomao16]

一个不太完美的旅行。

在没有很多计划的情况下匆忙的做了决定。这也是我第一次在临出发前4天订机票，订酒店。一切好像都很急的完成了一系列动作。

没有看到极光，奥斯陆给我的感觉就是抑郁。没有很多的灯，没有很多的人。好像咖啡厅里都没有浪漫的音乐在播放。没几个小时就开始下雨，幸好第二天我们全程在火车上。

没有体验特别多的幸福，只知道整个行程下来很累很累。

下次不会考虑到对方的感受了，就是想去哪儿就去哪儿。

希望我下一次去一个地方认识很多的朋友，有很多的水果吃，有很多的爱。❤️

[sallymaomao16]

英国的冬天来了，

可北京的冬天还早呢。

突然很想念冬天的糖葫芦，

在冻得瑟瑟发抖的时候再来一个烫手的烤红薯。

我真的感到快乐吗？

现在的生活真的是我想要的吗？

我坐在码头的台阶边不停地问自己。

也许真的是太清闲了，就在胡思乱想。

让自己忙起来吧！像陀螺一样转转转地，飞速运转。

安居乐业，古人说的一点都没错。

英漂了6年，别人能理解但是不代表都那么感同身受。

他们永远不会体会到一个本不想独立但是被迫需要独立的日子，是怎样度过的。

他们也不会想到，每天为房子而发愁和担心感觉，真的什么都不想干。

更不会深刻体会到，英漂多年是多么需要一个温暖的怀抱和家的港湾，但是，有谁又能信得过靠得住呢？

我很想念北京的冬天，想念北京的糖葫芦，和在瑟瑟发抖的时候买到香甜可口的烤红薯。

[sallymaomao16]

You were in my life, came for a while, teach me a lifetime

谢谢你让我懂得了亲密的爱人之间也是需要有界限的，爱的能力需要不断修炼，它需要包容、接纳、耐心和理解。

在这段感情里，我虽然失去了你，但是我也得到了很多。孤身一人熬几夜火车去找你复合，这让我收获了勇气；以前你总是坚定的说“我觉得很好”，一脸笑意地看着我，这让我收获了温柔；即使是睡着了，也会因为我侧了身醒来，这让我收获了被爱。

这些平和温柔的情绪，让我始终对你难以忘怀，即使你爱上了别人，我也不止一次幻想你回来，依旧是从前的少年模样。很抱歉从前因为我的任性给你带来了伤害，很抱歉我们没能走下去。希望你能拥抱爱你的人，而我也是。

谢谢你让我懂得了恋爱关系里有时候欺骗比变心伤害更大，彼此正视“不爱了”这件事也很重要。网上有句话，“我从不怀疑真心，因为真心本就瞬息万变”，可是我有一点不明白，为什么有的人就是不敢承认这种变化呢。

耿耿于怀的不是你变心，而是如果你能早点告诉我，你已经不爱我了就好啦。现在我要直面这个事实，然后不再爱你，开始爱自己。

谢谢你让我明白了纯粹真挚地爱一个人是件多么令人喜悦的事情。在很认真地喜欢你的十个月里，我把自己能给得了的最好的都给你，我因此而收获到了很久不曾感受过的开心，尽管结局并不尽如人意，但于我而言，至少那个当下的你是真的。  

谢谢你让我明白心痛不是一种夸张，而是实实在在痛彻心扉的生理反应。谢谢你让我懂得了什么是犹恐相逢在梦中。

我对你的感情或许自始至终都是自己的执念，后来我问过自己很多遍，我真的很爱你吗，其实不是，我爱的是阴暗面的自己。

因为从小生活在母亲的呵护下，与父亲的交流少之又少，对父亲有崇拜也有抱怨，可能你的身上有父亲冷漠的影子，我才会为之迷恋吧。对于你没那么喜欢我这件事，我从一开始就心知肚明。后来为何不愿将就了，是因为我发现自己并没有想象中那么差，我值得一份完整的爱，而不是靠卑微去小心翼翼地维护不健康的爱。 我对你的感情没有任何遗憾，我已经把我能做的都做了，如果再来一遍，我不会做得更好。 你觉得我做不到的事情，其实我都可以做到。

也许此生很难再见了，我希望自己能够早日放下，然后一心一意去寻找更好的自己。

分开后，崩溃痛哭过几次，但是却没有再给你发消息的勇气。我能知道关于你的就是你今天微信步数走了多少步，看着那些数字，我猜你肯定又一个人宅在家了。我们在一起的时候，每天都会打电话打到很晚，现在即使分开了，我也习惯了熬夜，手机不关机就放在枕头旁边，万一你会给我发消息呢？可是每次半夜醒来，手机里都没有你的消息，我又在失望里睡去。

其实还是无法接受我们已经分开的事实。那个对我说过“在有生的瞬间能遇到你，竟花光我所有运气”的人，怎么会舍得丢下我呢？我想过是不是我喝醉了就有勇气给你打电话了？我试过，你的号码我背的滚瓜烂熟，可是我忍住了。

说感谢你让我成长，可那些日子其实都是我自己熬过来的，我真正感谢的是我自己。说感谢你让我经历爱情，那大概可以感谢一下吧。但，不是你也会是别人，想想后面那么多痛苦，也扯平了。

如果你能看到，我还是想问一句，“你确定我这个小可爱，你不要了吗？”

想说祝好，但说不出口。如果还有缘分，那就再见吧。

席慕蓉在《无怨的青春》里写到：“在年轻的时候，如果你爱上了一个人，请你，请你一定要温柔的对待他。不管你们相爱的时间有多长或多短，若你们始终温柔地相待，那么，所有的时刻都将是一种无暇的美丽。若不得不分离，也要好好地说声再见，也要在心里存着感谢，感谢他给了你一份记忆。”

所以，我祝福你对未来充满希望，眼里有光，没有怨恨，了无遗憾。我希望你值得我曾经的喜欢，但不希望你再想念我。希望你不再难过，不再陷入无休止的孤独而无人陪伴���

[sallymaomao16]

和坨小姐的第二次完美冒险。

一路上很幸运，赶上了一年四季最好的天气。听当地人说，上个星期的欧洲还是绵绵细雨，乌云密布，但是最近两天天气好到爆。

不知道是我们自带幸运符还是有在天天念佛的佛祖保佑。

现在回忆起来，还是满满的激动和感动。

有一个人愿意从8000多公里的地方赶来看你，陪伴你，帮你忘记烦恼，帮你走过情场失意的日子, 我还有什么理由不能振作起来，重新开始新的生活。Yeah actually happened over a month ago, was back in bucks over this weekend, made me think update you。

所有的地方走下来，哥本哈根是最让我流连忘返的。

说不上的一种调调，是我至今想寻找的，也是期盼的。

幸福给每一个人都有着不一样的定义。我们一直在寻找幸福。

它带给我的感觉，是自由的，是高调清新的，是简单的。就是那么简单美好的爱着。也许我们一直在寻找童话，找童话的样子。

“亲爱的，下一个不一定会更好”

珍惜眼前，珍惜现在的一切。

[sallymaomao16]

都说人间四月天，

希望四月是超好的四月。

喜欢的季节要来了，

喜欢的白昼再长一点，

夜幕再短一点，

喜欢的阳光跳跃的奔向你，

然后把日子过得亮起来。

The dandelion next to the fence in primary school.

It was a scenery that had flavour in my memory.

Taking an afternoon nap,cicada noise comes from the playground.

After many years, it still sounds good.

Fold up the dreams into a paper airplane and send it as a letter.

Because we can't wait for that meteor.

I seriously throw the coin that decides fate.

Yet I don't know where I can go.

 A promise we made when growing up together. It's so clear.

I believe it since we made a pinky swear.

We said we would go on holiday together.

Nowadays it's your only wilful persistence. 

A promise we made when growing up together.

It's so sincere.

The one time I couldn't stop chatting to you.

And I already can't tell the difference.

Whether you are the friendship or the love I missed out on.

[sallymaomao16]

今天收到了一条信息，有点纳闷，有点迟疑。但是看到了熟悉的名字，我的眼泪瞬间止不住了。

有些事情永远不会忘记的，它都在心里，在记忆里，在别人的号码簿里

时光真快啊。

[sallymaomao16]

All encounters are doomed to heaven

之前一直是用英文写文章想锻炼自己的写作能力， 但发现毕竟不是自己的母语写起来还是有些费劲的。而且，汉语的博大精深，很多情感是用英文表达不出来的。没关系，反正想阅读的人都会用谷歌翻译的嘛~

我想起以前看过的一个比喻，说女生的内心就像蚌一样，当她小心翼翼地向你展示内心最柔软的地方时，也给了你伤害她的机会。而当她内心受到伤害时，她也会像蚌一样竖起了壳子，你再也看不到她真实的内心，只能瞥见她坚硬的外壳。

 我真的很珍惜他啊。

很多很多的第一次都是和你在一起的。

可能我这个人太浪漫主义，想一出是一出，想去做就会去做，不管会不会成功。想去爱就大胆的爱，不管会不会有以后。

我第一次写我们的故事，第一次和你去看Rugby的比赛，第一次用半年的时间给你做了一本相册。。。。

以前我以为，受了伤之后就会很难再对另一个人好，因为害怕，怕受到伤害，怕付出了又得不到平等的爱，怕给他的不是100%的爱。

但是我渐渐明白，在生活里，在爱情的付出与追逐里，你就会付出100%，所以我又加倍的给他爱，买他想要的东西，尽管还需要额外挣外快。

这种方式，让我觉得很幸福，很开心。因为当我看到他收到礼物的那一刻，我很满足很快乐。

那天他对我说：你不是我那个对的女孩，你也不是我那个我想跟你共度余生的人。

没有吵架，没有出轨，没有矛盾。突然就那么一句话，我以为自己是在做梦。虽然他告诉我，几个星期前才有这样的想法，但是我知道，这应该已经是不止一次在他脑袋里斗争过的话，他想过，思考过，纠结过，无奈过，不知所措过。

我也不知道我们现在的状态算不算和好，但是每每想起这一句话，我的心如同被刀子扎了无数次，眼泪也会禁不住的‘’唰‘’的流了下来。

当然了，爱一个人，会想到要跟他有以后的啊，结婚，生孩子，买房，我觉得我没有错啊。

我错就错在不应该去说，不停的说，不厌其烦的说。

之前我跟Tracy聊天说 ：你看我也不缺胳膊少腿，人长得也不难看，学历也不差，家境也蛮好的，性格也开朗。为什么就找不到爱我爱到死心塌地的那个人呢？

我承认，在爱情里面我太卑微了。卑微到让周围的朋友觉得女生不应该是这样的，我应该被宠幸，被关爱，被温暖的那个。我的爱太多了，太浓烈了，太炽热了，都把男生吓跑了。

所以我喜欢用小孩的方式去和他交流，故意气一气他，戳一戳他，咬一咬他，让他生我的气，让他担心我，让他在乎我。

也许跨国爱情真的很难跨越习惯，文化的坎吧。作为中国人的我，我可以体谅，可以理解，可以接受，可以降低我的标准，底线去迁就他。但是他不行，依然坚持以自己快乐，开心为主，不会去理解我做出的改变。我依然清晰的记得，曾经有个人对我说，Sally你要知道，2个人的感情就跟齿轮一样，要慢慢的去感受，磨合最后才能够转动。

也许这文化差异太大了，他真的不能理解我为什么要这样做。

‘ 他们遇见过，为对方拼过，付出过真心，就够了。 ’

道理我都懂，但就是舍不得。

也许他说的那句话，会让我每天想起它，就像一道伤疤。

我们曾相逢，不必太遗憾。

因为，你于我是曾温柔过岁月的人，我也希望我曾惊艳过你的时光。

[sallymaomao16]

I don't know how long the blog hasn't been updated.

It feels like there's so much to do every day.

Toady is not that busy, i can walk away and do something i like.

Hello Beijing, hello China.

To be honest, I don't really want to go home.

Stressed.

Scared.

Squabble.

There is something you want to say but you can't say it.

Like an invisible wall, soundless and stirless.

The shadow of childhood with the parent, I will never let my children go their own way.

[sallymaomao16]

Today is Monday, sunny day but cold. This is my first time feel Beijing is cold. -3 degrees. In my memories, Beijing’s winter is romantic, best skiing time on the mountain, sugarcoated haws on a stick is my favourite Beijing’s snack ever on winter. Beijing’s winter is clean and pure. because of wind, the sky is blue and air is fresh. Friends are here. They are busy, even on the weekend. Overwork is normal thing in them life. Parents has stressed for business. Training time are not that much fun. Well, sometimes. Everybody looks busy to walk, and work. Busy life, busy Beijing. China developed so fast. Ten of millions free bicycles, convenience for the trip. Less pollutions, good workout places, even you don’t need take any cash and card…… I asked my friend who came to Beijing. He said: when he told western people, china developed so fast but they can’t believe it !! In their mind, china still poor and full of pollution and not good for life. Of course not. They should come to China and look at how powerful is China. I believe 10 years later, China is the No.1 in the world. And also, I am so pound of my country become more and more powerful. There are lots of love in here. I admire the little couple keep warm each other, the girl’s hand put it in the boy’s pocket. I admire the boy feed the girl for hot sweet photo. I admire when they wake up, opening the phone, reading message on the bed and had a smile on the face. I admire…… In the winter, it seems like every behaviour keeps feel warm. I know, for the culture, western people will laugh for them silly behaviour. This is first time I feel Beijing is cold. Recently, there is an invisible shadow talked to me: look, out of your country, no one care about you. They have their own friends, they care about them friends, family, brothers…… who are you? Do you think you are an indispensable part in their life? You, just a lonely playmate for them. Don't be silly! Hope I have a good time in Beijing. keep all happy and unhappy and lonely memories.

[sallymaomao16]

Life is a journey of constant practice for your own. But you would like find a person who holds the hand along the way forever. Likes a best friend, share happiness and suffering with each other, listening, comforting, encouraging, hugging..... Something is may meet but cannot be asked.

[sallymaomao16]

weekend ending

[sallymaomao16]

Homeless A few hours ago, lots of stressed these months and also at the moment, I walked in london bridge from south bank to the north and I reminded my favorite convenience shop-711. This shop in everywhere included downstairs my parents house. When I went home, every evening I went 7-11 to eat "steam meatball soup" with my best friends, they booked me months ago when I decided come back, and we walked whole street from university to my flat about 2 hours, even walked around Haidian area. Just lots of memories in my mind. People who treat me good, I will treat them doubly well. But I don't think British have this characters. They are too independent for each other. And I reminded for the Valentine's Day, someone refused me and I really did not know why. This was no any reasons I was not worth him... and I cried. He tried to feed me bread and said: Sally you are drunk you should eat something. I refused. Then he angrily and through the bread on the table said that: 'fine, this is your choice, eat or not eat the bread in here. Control your emotion and we talk later'. Just now, 9.30pm, everything in my mind. Just little downheart. Feel like homeless. English will not heart to heart. Why I am in here. I don't know.

[sallymaomao16]

Summer Memories

---------------------------------------------------Last summer in London eye

Long time no writes my daily oh I miss here. 

Firstly, I finished my goal !! yeah lose weight, raise up my muscle, start up a business plan, created a page on facebook, read 2 books a month (yeah I finished 1.8!! English book little hard to understand but I tried), Earn more money.

Really happy I successful for my own Limited company but still need prepare document and chat with the bank manager.

I think started up a business needs a huge encouraged because this is a plan, if you begin, you don’t want to give it up. 

And I am very adoring someone who becomes a director by themselves. Before i was not thinking about it, i thought “that man just have a small breakfast restaurant, can not bother it; that women just have a milk tea shop in China Town, oh can not bother it....lower” But now i will never say like that !! Each small business is difficult when they start it even they alives long time. 

Whatever successful in the future or not, this is my precious wealth.

Review:

1: start up a business from Britian to China

2: Research market for China and try to start up business both Britain and China.

3: Some agency found me to be personal trainer but I don’t think my body is  ready.

4: Read books (before get up and before sleep)

... ... ... ...

Seems like I did something these months!! well done.

About love review: I describe love likes a seesaw

This is a social interaction game.

One is alone.

Two people perfect.

Three never fair.

Especially the most like someone’s person,

Engaged more, fall into more.

Ready exhausting praise him but just looking forward he occasionally thinks of you, occasionally play with you. 

You holding your wish to waited and waited, waited for your heart dismayed.

But he still not thinking of you.

Hence, you dry your tears and say goodbye.

Soon, you met a person who sitting so higher than you and wonderful.

But he doesn't want to turn his way to say hello to you.

And then, you “stoop down” yourself and walk to him.

Each walked with faltering steps so difficult.

When you feel you are so close to him,

Actually, you are already walk fall down the road. 

Until I realised,

If only one person spend everything for it, deep love with someone,

It is still nothing.

Because you never at the same time standing in the same way with him.

Seesaw is a two people's game.

It doesn’t matter you spend time, money, emotional, body...

Only you sit another side of seesaw, crying and crying.

[sallymaomao16]

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. 

No Matter What Happens, The Sun Will Rise in The Morning.

Wish PP has a succeed interview tomorrow :) 

Lots lots lots lots lots love 

[sallymaomao16]

“And together we will rule the galaxy!”

Episode

Recently, i really really love Star Wars !! yeah seems like I am a big fans of it already. But I know there are lots of extra films between each other. Let me research first.

“And together we will rule the galaxy!” is my favourite sentence these days. warm and cute. 

At the same time, this was a busy week, 4 hours sleep, 7 hours work time, 1hours hard work in the gym and extra work again. That make me to have a deep understanding of myself and to do a personal summary.

Happy to saw PP, every day I run faster to go home and pretend：hey, you are here! haha. yeah, that’s is the second part I want to the summary.

Part one

Busy for extra work. my friends say: Sally you are too obstinately, you should use your family’s resources to build up yourself. 

There are thousands of regal’s children choose to use family’s resource first and then refund later, you should use that way as well.

I think they are right.

When I lie on the bed, thinking about my job, boring and not interesting, I asked myself, why I choose to stay in here? 

Because I love here, wanna independent and have a chance stay here ever.

So, why I complain my job are boring and interesting?

I am looking forward to being freedom, but there is no absolute freedom in the world. Freedom for me maybe means right to free choice of employment, country, even love.

For my perspective, British people’s life relaxed than for us.I would like to use a word”bad ambition” to describe they lifestyle. Because they don't need to worry about a job when they lose, they don't need to worry about medical treatment, even don’t need to worry about house issue. It seems like in this country, people lives here just have fun, enjoying, happy every day.

But I can’t.

I have lots of disadvantage such as less patient when someone asked me third times (that makes me feel angry, they are not focus on listening to me) I have afterthought when something happened because I confused to someone or something why they cheating or not. I am not satisfied just only one target.....

BTW, there are 3 offers from China Development Bank, ICBC, and CCB. One place in London, others are in Amsterdam.

I don’t want to say goodbye if one day I must leave this country, I will blubber behind Times, a cup of drink, walk to the train station, eat the last fish and chips, and early in the morning buy a cup of costa’s soya flat white.  

I think I lose my heart in the UK, and my love as well.

From today, I will try to be a patient girl.

Part two

Still learn British culture these days even I am tired. Because if I want to join them social circle or even marriage a guy who is British or European I have to learn country’s history and their habit. 

For my opinion, I think Asain suffer racial discrimination but everybody just say: no we are not discriminate we are the friendly person for you but I can feel that just like a secret.

secondly, if a pure British family for my perspective they don't accept “outcomer” into their family because a real traditional history they want to keep their ‘blood relationship’ still a British. Or the traditional British they dislike accepting “foreign culture” very much. This is why Britain always makes people feel proud loneliness and keep their original culture in the world.

So, thus I can understand why PP doesn’t want to do something because this might be an important reason. 

Extra chapter

Bucket list VS Love list

I did my bucket list 2 years ago. Nowaday, I think I still move on and try to finish them. 

What is Love list?

Haha, this is a secret for PP’s birthday. 

1001 love list, he might don't know yet.

Nice weekend !! Hoooooooo!!

[sallymaomao16]

Happy children's day, happy birthday

1st June is an International Children’s day but lots of people did not know that.

Maybe in the UK, they has not this festival because every day is Children's day !! is a happy day !!

Of course, is my mum,’s birthday as well. In China they always said, Sally you Mum is a big child and will never grow old!!

When I saw the Picture from my Dad, so sweet for them and my mum looks like really happy. 

When I sit in the office, I cried.

Because I felt guilty, I can not accompany her on this important day.

Also, they are happy. I was glad to hear my dad stayed with my mum for her birthday, they are very little time to spend with each other. In contrast, I am a poor girl.....(lol)

Very busy work these days because of promotion a team leader.

Busy to consider a new business in the future.PWS (ppppp with Saosao) pets company limited ?? or Jade write dragon business support company limited ?? haha.

I am a lucky girl when I was 24 years old. Knew lots of people who are  Directors in a big company, investment business partner, Chairman of the Board for International trade business company ....yeah I thought someone is an upper class in London because when they took me to somewhere, I felt I was in a film ‘the king of speech’. That was nervous when I met someone in formal places. They would like to teach me so much, willing to meet me again and again. For my perspective, for my age, I have no any chance to know about somebody in these areas, it should be when i was 30, or 35 years old!! Also, they would like to help me a lot !! again and again... As the old saying in China goes, The onlooker is more worried/anxious than the player （LOL）sometimes i am thinking about we are a different age, different class, naive girl for them.... but why they would like to teach me more?

Happy last weekend and bank holiday.

Discovered more new places and I am willing to take PP to there (sometimes I dislike myself, maybe he wanna stay by himself but I always disturb him a lot.)Yeah is doesn’t matter money or haven’t money, what does It signify if you're rich or not, as long as you're happy?

When I was 18, 19 years old, I have been afraid of myself. I was not afraid of becoming older, I was afraid of regret when I haven’t do crazed things in my life.  

But nowadays, the little bit earlier. i have not felt anything but still worry about.

Actually that positive energy a confident girl is not a real. Much of the time I am willing to admit powerlessly in the life--nervous, anxious, never been good enough...

Aha,  Life, I like the most is when I open my eyes in the morning, you and sunshine all in.

Happy birthday mum :)

[sallymaomao16]

What's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

I saw this question unintentionally on Quora and answer for it.

‘i read lots of people’s stories about girlfriend with boyfriend. but sorry to say that he is not my boyfriend (yeah he refused me twice but i understood, he thinks a lot and some uncertain factors exist).

last Saturday we sit in the garden, that was a beautiful, lovely day !! he made a daisy flower chain, to wear on my head. At that moment, i think i am a little princess for him (sorry every time accompany him is my happy time ). so much romantic and i really wanted the time stop.

This was the first gift for me and i think it was the best ever.’

Something still changes.

i feel upset.

I tried to sit down but i can not focus on everything.

Because we tried to be ‘busy’.

Less time to spend.

Less communication.

Actually love can be expressed in many ways, to say goodbye is the same. 

i realised so many goodbye in all around world are not romantic even at the end of story. it seemed that you are not to say bye bye.

It was a sore to me, the painful process of growing up.

Change Lyrics for Jay Zhou names Qingtian 

Daisy in the story has played on swing of the childhood

you and me sit in the garden

it has swung with memories

re sol sol xi do xi la sol

la xi xi xi xi la xi la sol

sing the tune and look back upon

daisy tries to fall in the rainning has down

i played tennis for you that day

daisy withered that day

in the cinema we stayed 

why couldn’t see anyway

how everything that disappeared in rainy day

i realised i still kept the courage i lost

try ask you again:will you want for me or carry on?

in that windy day i tried to hug behind you

rained to hard can’t touch your face

how long did i have to wait to me with you

might wait till cloudless day, i’ll feel better before then 

long time ago, a girl has loved you so long 

but wind has extended distance so far

it isn’t easy we has another day love

but at the end of story 

it seemed that you still said

A post shared by Nan Li (@nanlisally) on May 16, 2017 at 8:42am PDT