sakura-hiroku

[sakura-hiroku]

[sakura-hiroku]

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.

Erma Bombeck

[sakura-hiroku]

The Peaceful Chaos: All the little thoughts

My life, so far, has been a good one for me. Not that great, but it falls on the middle tier. I may not currently be living my life the way I want it but nevertheless, it's still good (I'm still a minor after all haha).

Here is the story of my journey so far in this mystical phenomenon called life.

My life from the beginning was very fun as I grew up living with my family. Although my father wasn't always with us because he needs to go back to Japan for his business, he never forgot to call us every night. 

I was a quiet kid. Having not much interest in many aspects aside from rummaging my father's notebooks (because I find his Japanese writing very beautiful) and his film cameras.

In every decision in my life, my parents weren't always getting on my way. They were just there— supporting me.  

Now, talking about my elementary life. Well, it was not that great. I have some so-called friends, but no friends like real friends. Which was fine to me. I don't enjoy their company too... somehow. 

The only thing that I loved during those days was when I discovered my passion in the field of journalism. Starting as a newscaster and news writer, it gave me confidence and inspiration to do well in class.

High school days. The best four years of my life. My passion for journalism was even ignited. I even got a new real friends this time. From being an introvert and shy kid, I became the opposite.

Then the ASEAN 2017 happened. It was like a divine move for me to join the media team. I completely forgot about my dream of being a doctor. I wanted to be a journalist. But meh, journalism in the Philippines is a big mess so.... I am planning to take that course in Osaka (by God’s grace :)).

Now, during on my third and fourth year, I was fighting my inner demon.  And I was getting sick.

When my life was quickly falling out of my hands and reality wasn't within reach, I felt helpless. I needed to find a way out somehow, someone or something to influence me in a better way by helping me out of the major hole I had dug myself into. I was back from my old self. I personally struggled something with my own mind and there was a negative nature on it. And it was always within me, hiding and lurking in the depths of my mind waiting for its turn to knock me down—hard.

I was an emotional mess. I had much anger and no one to vent it on, except my parents, which, most of the time, was pointless. This would just end up being an even bigger mess. As time passed, I began to miss many days of school, but not causing my grades to fall tremendously. I knew somewhat what I was doing; I knew my life was on a downhill.

So I collected myself and do the right thing in the right way. Brought myself back on track. It's just your own thoughts, your worst enemy. But hey, we fight the battle alone and win by our mind's strength and ingenuity. That's how you become friends with your inner demons.

And I would like to end this with a quote from Seth Adam Smith, 

“You cannot defeat darkness by running from it, nor can you conquer your inner demons by hiding them from the world. In order to defeat the darkness, you must bring it into the light.”  

I am holding on my hope.