saint-raja-blog

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leave your boy

“ONLY THING THAT I WANT, DON’T LEAVE YOUR BOY ALONE”

The initial idea for this song is to make the song sound like a couple fighting with eachother in a car. Basically, that is how I wrote the lyrics to this song, sitting myself in a car and re-imagining the fights I had with my partner.

“I LOVE THE WAY YOU SCREAM MY NAME, WITH YOUR TATTOOS ALL OVER YOUR FACE”

I wrote this song about the first few months of my relationship with my ex. It was a whole lots of roller coaster emotions. During the early stage of our relationship, I was always doubting myself and the relationship thinking that I am not good enough. However I was always trying to justify the actions he did to me because I have this crazy obsession towards bad relationship.

“MIDNIGHT, BABE YOU’RE DRIVING TOO FAST.”

I always imagine my relationship as a car ride. Fast, slow, exceeding the limit or just by the rules. My relationship with this particular person was a fast one, and fast isn’t always great. We took everything way too fast, our first date, our first sex, our first fight, all happened within the first month.

You know, how when you’re in a car ride and if it’s going fast, its’ exciting, thrilling. That’s how I felt in the relationship, I hated the pace but I loved the adrenaline pump.

“I SAID I’D HANG TIGHT AS WE CRASH INTO THE RED LIGHTS”

Red lights. Red lights are not a sign of good things. During the relationship, I acknowledge the fact that we are running through all these red lights, when we should’ve stopped, but I cant’. I loved it too much.

The whole song is basically me begging to my toxic partner to never leave me because I accept all of the flaws and all of the fights. I just hates being alone, and I liked the rush of it all.

But, toxic means toxic.

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d4u

“YOU KNOW, I’M ALWAYS DOWN FOR YOU”

D4U (Down For You) is about loyalty and dedication poured into a relationship although the relationship is falling downhill. It’s a fucked up love song, and it’s the first song I wrote for the album. 

“WHYD YOU COME? YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT. YOU SHED YOUR SKIN, I’M HERE NO MATTER WHAT”

The idea inspiration is wild, as I wrote it when my ex contacted me, crying their hearts out talking to me about how their current relationship is fucked and how they miss me and my companionship

It has always been in my nature to forgive, but it’s hard for me to forget. However, I am always down for everyone if they ever need a shoulder to cry on.

This song is also an homage to my friends who are always down for me when I need them. The people I’m friends with are the most caring, and compassionate people I’ve ever known.

Photographer: Anwar Baharin (@anwar_baharin)

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makeup

“HEYYA BABY, IVE BEEN MISSING YOU, FREAKY ALL OVER MY COUCH”

Makeup is a fun sex-themed song, I wrote about all of my fuckboys and boytoys. The inspiration for this song came to me when my friends asked me, “Why do you have so many boys in your texts but no one of them sticks to you”. I told them that they are just there to make me feel good about myself.

“CAUSE I’M A SOCIO KILLER, ONLY WANNA TASTE YA WHEN I’M FEELING THE BLUE”

I wrote Makeup as a metaphor for people who are in a relationship, or has boy toys just to make themselves look good and feel good. Similarly to what makeup does; cover your flaws, give your highlights and making you look good.

I started the song with the line “HEYYA BABY, IVE BEEN MISSING YOU, FREAKY ALL OVER MY COUCH” as a fancy way of saying I’m horny, and I’ve been masturbating alone on my couch. It’s a bit too “out there”, I get it, even my producer was hesitating about this concept.

All in all, it’s just a fun song about wanting to have sex just to make you feel good, and I hope the song makes you feel good too.

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let me down gently

“OH BOY, I DONT HAVE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES, YOU CAN JUST LET ME DOWN BUT LET ME DOWN GENTLY”

Let Me Down Gently is actually the only song that I did not write and came up with the concept. It was a demo sent to me by my producer, saying it’s a great addition to the album. I heard it, and I fell in love with the vibe and lyrics instantly.

“I WAS A FOOL FOR YOU, DID ALL YOU WANT ME TO. HOW CAN I KEEP IT COOL? CAUSE I’M STILL HOT FOR YOU”

The story of this song suits the theme and the concept of the album, which is the feeling that you can’t move on but there’s really nothing you can do about it except for to beg to be let down gently so that it wont hurt that much.

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louder!

“HAVE YOU HEARD MY SONGS ON THE RADIO? ITS ALL ABOUT BOYS AND GIRL BUT NOT YOU”

I wrote Louder! when I was at that stage in my life where it’s starting to get a lot more better for me. Louder! is definitely the “fuck you, I’ve moved on” song of the album. I wanted this song to sound a lot more uplifting, and mainstream.

The verses in this song, when I wrote it, I kinda wanna seemed like I’m this arrogant and cocky little bitch and just smearing my success to my ex’s face. The inspiration for this song is amazing; one day I woke up to a text from my ex saying that they found a picture of us together and how that made them misses me. I was so pissed, I was like “You blocked me, and now you misses me? Fuck off”

“YOURE OUTTA MY HEAD, MY HEART, MY MIND, I’M GONNA PUT THIS SONG ON LOUDER!”

The chorus is actually the text I sent to my ex, which is funny because they read it but didn’t reply to it. I love the reactions I get from my audiences and friends when they heard this song, because I was in a deep rut for about 10 months after my break up.

Photographer: Anwar Baharin (@anwar_baharin)

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wish (feat. BEM)

“I DREAM OF YOU IN COLORS THAT DONT EXIST, IVE BEEN IN LOVE BUT ITS ALL A HIT AND MISS”

I told my producer that I wanted to write a very bubblegum and cheerful pop love song. I saw the quote “I dream of you in colors that don’t exists” on Tumblr and I fell in love with it. It triggers all the butterflies I had when I fell in love.

The writing process for this song is rather EXTRA, because I wrote this song with BEM via texts on Whatsapp, we exchanged lines and ideas and melodies, and Wish came to life. It’s definitely a more light and uplifting song compared to others. We took inspirations from Carly Rae Jepsen and Katy Perry.

I also wrote this song to everyone who believed in me and in my music. I kinda wrote it in a way of telling everyone that maybe I don’t need love, maybe I just need your heart, and that is my only wish.

Photographer: Adam Ummar (@adam.ummar)

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valentines

“I’M READY FOR MY CLOSEUP, FUCK THEM OTHER HOES, I’M THE CREAM ON THE CROP”

Valentines is a very wild and techno song. The inspiration of this song is actually my ex. We had this tradition where every Valentines we would do something together and have sex. The sex is wild, and it’s bomb. 

“I DON’T WANT ANYTHING, BUT I CAME FOR VALENTINES”

The first Valentine after we break up, the day seemed a bit empty and less exciting and I decided to write this song. Valentines in Malaysia is also a taboo, so I kinda wanna go against the system and make fun of it.

I was listening to a lot of Kiiara and Terror JR when I wrote this, so that kinda inspired the whole vibe of the song. The lyrics were written by me and I had BEM co-wrote it too. We juggled and paced back and forth during the song writing process, just to get the best lines and melodies out.

We came up with this concept of that it’s a song about me telling my ex that they are missing out on all of me when he broke up with me. But in a way, I was also telling him that “I don’t want anything, but I’ll come for Valentines”. Valentines in this manner means sex.

If you listen closely, you can hear me saying my ex’s name. Have fun looking for it.

Photographer: Anwar Baharin (@anwar_baharin)

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YOU (feat. Refreshments, BEM)

“THEY TOLD ME I DESERVE BETTER, I DONT WANT ANY BETTER, I WANT YOU”

I had this song written in my phone for the longest time, I just didn’t know how to sew it all together and make a really good track. It’s definitely the most emotional song in the album. I had Refreshments and BEM on the track, cause we figured it’d be a cool way to sing this song.

“YOUR SMELL STICKS ON MY BED, I’M NEVER LIKE THIS I SWEAR”

The inspiration for this song came around when I ended my 2 years relationship with this person, but I was still into him. I always go to my friends to vent and rant and let it all out. I hated their response, it’s always “you’re better than him”, “you deserve better”, “you’ll find someone so much better”

“DO YOU EVER LOVE ME? OR DID IT JUST FADES?”

I wrote this song kinda replying to them saying; maybe I don’t want to be better, maybe I don’t want any better. Because no one got me feeling the way he made me feel, and no one has ever got me so hooked like he did. I admit that it’s toxic, but I liked it. I really do.

BEM and Refreshment being in the track is so great. We were just jamming around in the studio, and we were throwing lines and melodies to each other just to find the perfect song. We recorded this whole song in one take, and the rest is history.

Photographer: Alia Soraya Feizal (@aliaonphotographs)

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slick

Slick / adjective

1.       (of an action or thing) done or operating in an impressively smooth, efficient, and apparently effortless way.

Definitely the club anthem of the album, Slick is pretty much about me being sick of people who thinks that they are cool and they are entitled enough up until they get to use me and fucks around with me. 

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING BABY BOO? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU AINT THAT COOL”

I was mad when I wrote this song, because at that particular time, I was seeing with this person and they played around with my feelings. We ended up not talking to each other because according to them, “I don’t like you like that”

I was so frustrated because money was spent, time was used, and feelings were hurt. I am not usually the one who gets angry easily but it’s not fair. That’s kinda my inspiration for this song.

“WHY DO YOU INSIST OF KISSING ME? IT JUST AINT FEEL RIGHT. WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS ON ME? YOU AINT THAT SLICK”

The heavy beat and dark vibes surrounding the track was inspired by the current club party anthems with a bit of grunge 90s edge to it.

We were also influenced by the sound of hiphop music and the rawness of it. It’s definitely a go to track when I’m mad.

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pretty in pink

“BOYS WE LOOK SO GOOD, PRETTY IN PINK”

Finishing the album, I wanted to write and sing a song like a powerful pop queer anthem. I approached this song being queer myself, and thinking of what would I like to hear when I was younger? A song about expressing yourself, and owning it would be a great song to help me out when I was growing up.

The song Pretty in Pink, (not associated with the movie, Pretty in Pink) was inspired by the bullies I get when I wear pink out to work or school. I love the color pink, and I think it’s the most genderless color there is, except for black of course. So, growing up, I’d wear a lot of pink.

However, the heteronormative and close minded society of Malaysia made it hard for me to wear pink out as it is the “color of a woman”. The moment that I was really inspired to write this song was when I went to work in a pink shirt and one of the workers there told me that pink is for ladies and it makes me look soft.

I want this song to be an anthem for the queers and/or the non-queers to be proud of being and wearing anything. We will look good in anything, and pretty in anything as long as we are true to ourselves.

For the shoot, I put together a group of amazing individuals that had their own fair share of getting bullied for being themselves. Primarily Malays, I wanted this shoot to be an awakening for everyone to see that there more than just being a Malay, and there are more than just being a boy or a girl.

A group of non-binaries and non-conforming individuals to shed a light and take a glimpse at our future, and it is surely bright, and it is surely pink.

Photographer: Alia Soraya Feizal (@aliasonphotograph)