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I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world, alone
Honey, if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.
The Promised Neverland × The Black Parade
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If he don’t stare at me while I’m minding my business, I don’t want him.
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adulthood is realising no one cares about you and the show must go on
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No one breaks your heart more than you do by overthinking every goddamn little thing
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I need to figure out what it is that has me hurting so bad to the point where I cannot sit with myself for more than five minutes without mentally destroying myself to the point where I hyperventilate, cry, and panic for the rest of the day. It’s like I have this deep sense of betrayal cascading over me, but nobody betrayed me.
Maybe it’s just that the loneliness of adulthood is finally settling in.
Being a kid wasn’t all that great, but I always had my sister to play with. Now she’s an hour away, and either broke, busy, and spending time with the guy she loves. I’m happy for her.
My dad is remarried, tired, and spending time with his new family. I’m happy for him.
My mother never answers her phone. When she does, she never listens. When we make plans, she always cancels. But she has friends with similar hobbies and interests, lives in a house that is a great representation of who she is, and loves God more than ever. I’m happy for her.
I just wish we were all happy together. I wish I could pause time and that we weren’t always getting older. I wish I took better care of myself when I was younger because I already feel it. I’m 21. Engaged. Living in a house that is soon to be mine. Pursuing my hobbies. But fuck I’m so sad.
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