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Chic-fil-a’s entire marketing strategy is based around cows pleading for their lives

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i can’t get in lifts with people because i have a sort of phobia of breathing in people’s breath

and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill) 

I had to fucking reply “I prefer people when they’re not breathing” 

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Mom: Sweety how do you like these new bras I got you?

Me: umm...they are fine?? I don't like the way that it shows my chest

Mom: now why is that?

Me: uhhhhhn gotta go

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this girl that sits with me was complaining..about another girl. because she likes the same band as her “but doesn’t dress like it” so obviously she doesn’t really listen to them

how do you DRESS like the music you listen to??? 

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to people who put antlers and a nose on their car for christmas

you can’t trick me. I know that’s a car. you fool

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when i was 12 i got banned from yahoo answers and when i emailed support to be like “what did i do??” i got a really vague answer that just said “you know what you did” and it still haunts me to this day

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Showing off a hummingbird’s iridescent head

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i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

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Xerox wants to remind everyone that not everything in life is easy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t overcome it.

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ORANGINA　オランジーナ