sadlilquartz

[sadlilquartz]

eating pastries is so humiliating cause you'll be having the time of your life having it and then when you're finished you look down and you're covered in flakes and sugardust like fuuuck now everyone is going to know i'm a messy pastry whore

[sadlilquartz]

Fleeting being

I'm ephemere. I will soon be erased physically, living in the sorrows and souvenirs of my loved ones. Why if we die so soon we take things so seriously? Is why all we are is emotions ? Why we hold so much onto them ?

Since I was a little girl all I was sure of is that I could die. That was scary. Not the death itself but all the uncertainty around it : like how? when? what will happen after? what will happen before?

Since then I've been longing for my death and anxious about everything else.

[sadlilquartz]

A quick reflection

What am I ? As a woman, as a friend, as a sister..what am I? Do I really need this makeup palette, this new lotion, this combo scent ? Do I really need new clothes for this semester ? Do I really need to wear this ? Or am I constantly trying to please others.

Trying to get them to like me because I wear this or that, look like this or that. Am I really the cute/ shy introverted, the clueless adorable dork, the big and crude sister or did I built all of this because that's how I am perceived and liked as. As a simple, one dimensional being. As a caricature of my own soul.

[sadlilquartz]

Girlhood is about putting makeup in a burning house

I very often like most women on tiktok see this "Girlhood" trend where creators portray this hyper feminine lifestyle with pink skincare, pink makeup : overconsumption dressed in pink.

When tiktok finally gets your personality a little more, the same "Girlhood" title appear on images of women suffering, screaming, crying, being alone in their room desperate.

The reality is that both portrays this image of the women being used in this society, her body serving the only purpose of being pretty. Girlhood is crying while putting your makeup, buying things to make you forget about how unhappy you are or to desperately trying to make yourself prettier so you'll feel worth of something. It's about no matter how feminist and aware you try to be, comparing yourself to other women, sometimes putting them down and feeling bad about it.

Girlhood is performance, girlhood is never being able to reach expectations, girlhood is the doll you used to play with alone in your room to avoid thiking about how ugly you are when you were only 8.

[sadlilquartz]

A quick introduction

Hi, call me Halo. I'm 19 and as I'm watching Saiki K for the thrid time in my life, I realize how afraid I am to do things that inspire me, how afraid I am to be dumb, to be myself, in my fullest form and to let go of the expectations that I set to myself. I start this blog, it will be like a journal, serving my journey.

Here are few things about me so you can relate a lil' more:

I struggle with the presence of strangers and closed ones sometimes, feel a lot anxious, difficulties making friends

I used to struggle with mental health a lot

I love dancing, journaling, video games, animes, psychological movies and everything about psychology

Listen to : Lana, Melanie, Tyler the Creator, kendrick, Rema, deftones, Billie Holiday, Bessie smith and many more.

into goth and alternative subcultures