saderplate7

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Hey. Hey. Hey. Could you please elaborate on what you meant by the St Augustine BDSM essay incident of 2023? I will be ruminating on this, so any additional info will be extremely helpful

everybody is sooo so interested in the St Augustine BDSM Essay Incident I mentioned. ok so. basically. back when I was a wee freshman, i was just starting an honors program where (condensed version) you write a fuck ton, like an essay a week, your entire freshman year. The writings are based on weekly readings and our very first reading of the year was selected chapters from St. Augustine’s Confessions.

The point of these essays is that we have no prompt besides “write something analytical”. The point of that is to make us use our brains both by coming up with our own prompts based on what we’d gathered from the reading, and also to cram writing skills into our repertoire by force by making us do that shit every week for a year. I, however, had no guidelines and no prior experience with the style of essay they wanted and therefore no fucking clue what to write about, because Augustine isn’t the most straightforward author and we all complained about having him be the first guy we had to write an essay about, because we both didn’t know what the hell he was saying and didn’t know what the hell we were doing. I digress.

It is my first, maybe second week on campus. I’m reading the works of a guy who did a bunch of crazy shit before repenting and becoming a monk and founding the Augustinian order of I think Catholicism. That crazy shit included like, a lot of sex. The becoming a monk including being weird about God. I thought to myself, “well, I literally don’t understand what this guy is going on about whatsoever, but he does say some funny lines about being whipped by Jesus and prostrating himself before the Lord, and i can absolutely cherry-pick my way into a persuasive essay arguing that Saint Augustine Of Hippo Was In A Dom-Sub Relationship With God.”

And then I did

(Again, first week of freshman year. Making first impressions as accurate as possible)

And then my professor pulled me aside after class and told me the TA started reading my essay and freaked out and didn’t finish it so he had to grade my essay himself and it was well-written but not at all the kind of essay they wanted me to be writing and please don’t fucking do that again, small freshman who I have spoken to like once ever, why did you do this for The First Essay You Wrote For Our Class?

And then I went on to figure out the actual kind of essay they wanted us to write and I did just fine for the rest of the year, but I and my classmates still reference the St Augustine BDSM Essay frequently and pray they use me as a warning for the incoming freshman classes because that was the funniest shit I’ve ever done and I don’t regret it at all.

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if i'm so smart and i'm so pretty, damn this town and damn this city

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your berries and cream lifestyle will catch up to you

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she easy on my peasy till i lemon squeezy

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I fear I need to get more proactive about being a slutty creative

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SEVEN FOURTY FIVE IN THE MORNING !!!! IM LEAVING MY HOUUUUUSE, TRYING NOT THINK OF ALL THE WAYS THIS PLACE HAS CHANGED !!!

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girl are you from wisconsin because youre the only wis i consin. girl are you from florida because youre the only flor i'd da. girl are yo

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"oh she started a cult" is it her fault she's so inspirational and influential?? that people flock to her and believe everything she says? that she has shiny hair and soulful eyes you could get lost into??? be so fucking for real rn

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A burger and fries should be five dollars <checks wallet> a burger and fries should be two dollars

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on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits

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you'd think that with all the thinking I do I'd be better at amming. and yet

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girl with loophole fetish facing criminal charges gets off on a technicality

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if the world doesnt end in a few years we should all go get burgers together

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concept for a tv show: a cute simple love story between an assistant and a chauffeur or bodyguard or whatever else rich people have and in the background the rich people are having the wildest telenovela level drama that we only catch glimpses of

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occasionally I am struck dumb by the sublime beauty of the world in the small moments, you know?

egg

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when you die, you walk into the cold unknown hand in hand with a girl you met once when you were five in a hotel pool and her hand is warm.