saaniaayy

[saaniaayy]

South Asian Rape Culture

               A respected elder recently advised me to stop posting things about abuse against women, as “it does not look good coming from a girl like myself”. Baffled and somewhat enraged, I couldn’t comprehend why that could ever be a statement someone could think was okay to say out loud. Out of respect I remained silent. But it bugged me, and I couldn’t sleep all night rethinking their statement and what could possibly make them say such a thing. I just couldn’t understand. As I write this, a part of (a very small part) fears it may scathe my reputation for even standing up for such an issue. But see that’s the problem. There is such a huge problem with this issue. Such a huge huge problem with this societal elephant in the room. This is why hundreds of South Asian women suffocate in silence every day. People think that “it can’t happen to us” because for some reason WE are indestructible. Turning this blind eye to the women who suffer and are left alone to “think about what they did” because for some reason our society has raised us with this thing (I don’t know what else to call it), this absurd ideology that if it happened to you, you somehow provoked it, or shouldn’t have been there, or should have been more covered, or were out too late etc. Regardless of all of that, men that commit these crimes get to walk away unscathed, because society has allowed them to live guilt-free, due to the fact that his unsuspecting victim was “in the wrong place, at the wrong time”.

               I refuse to stop reposting such things, because we need to be reminded, that although in 2016, we still have a lack of respect for women. Where we silence them in order to save ‘respect’, when they are wronged and stripped of dignity for saying “no”. Ask yourselves, if something were to happen to your daughter, your sister, your mother, would you want to know? Would you remain silent? Would you allow her wrong-doer to walk away, because she somehow in some twisted way deserved it? So how are we so easily able to turn a blind eye to such issues in the world. 1 in 4 North American women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, and only 6% of those assaults are reported. 60% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 17. According to the Justice Institute of British Columbia, one out of every 17 women is raped, 62% of rape victims were physically injured, 9% were beaten or disfigured. This happens. A lot. Too much for us to turn a blind eye to it. Although we can’t change the entire world, I pray that we as a society can change our perceptions of crimes against women enough to create a safe environment for women to come forward and report it. I pray that we create a society where women are not ashamed or afraid to come forward because people will blame them for being assaulted. I pray that our future generations hate crimes against women, as much as they hate murder.

           I refuse to be silenced on such an issue. I have heard personal stories from people I have personally known. And it’s heartbreaking to know they end their stories with “I would never report it, what would people say?” that there are women out there who wouldn’t think to seek justice because our society will drive her to the ground, before the perpetrator would even get a wiff of what he deserves

MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT 

MYTH: Most victims of sexual assault can prevent the assault from taking place by resisting. FACT: Assailants commonly overpower victims through threats and intimidation tactics. Moreover, many victims lack the capacity to appreciate or understand they are being assaulted. MYTH: Most Sexual Assaults are done by strangers FACT: Statistics clearly show the vast majority of sexual assaults are committed by someone close to the victim MYTH: Victims can easily “get over” the effects of sexual assault or child sexual abuse FACT: The effects of sexual assault are far reaching and can severely impact an individual’s emotional stability, employment, and ability to form and maintain adult relationships. MYTH: Most sexual assaults are not planned in advance. FACT: As many as ¾ths of all sexual assaults involved some pre-planning by the asailant MYTH: Sexual assault is a commonly false-reported crime FACT: Most statistics show approximately 2% or less of sexual assaults reported as false reports MYTH: Victims commonly dress in a way that increases their chances of being sexual assaulted FACT: This appears to be uncommon as most assailants cannot remember what the victim was wearing MYTH: If a drunk girl consents to a sexual act, this consent is valid FACT: It depends on how “drunk” the individual is and whether they are capable of understanding what they are consenting to MYTH: Most victims are young, attractive females FACT: The elderly are commonly victims of sexual abuse. MYTH: Men are never sexual assaulted. FACT: Sexual assault is more common for men than most believe, and boys are common victims of child sexual abuse MYTH: Sexual assault is a relatively rare form of abuse FACT: As many as 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime. This makes sexual assault one of the most common serious crimes. MYTH:  Most assailants have a history of mental or sexual problems FACT: Many assailants appear to live highly normal/functioning lives MYTH: Assailants are typically poor, uneducated, of a certain race FACT: There is no data indicating a typical profile of an assailant. Many assailants are otherwise upstanding citizens. MYTH: It is not sexual assault if the assailant and the victim are married FACT: Any sexual acts that are not truly consented to constitute sexual assault regardless of the relationship between the victim and the assailant. MYTH: The victim must show physical injuries for it to legally be considered a sexual assault. FACT: The presence or absence of physical injuries is irrelevant to the determination of whether an act is “legally” considered a sexual assault; however, physical injuries may be grounds for a heightened punishment or a finding of aggravated sexual assault.

- myths, facts and statistics provided by: http://www.sexassault.ca 

[saaniaayy]

Desi culture toxicity pt 1

Over the 28 years of my life as a South Asian girl born and raised in Canada, with immigrant parents and a large extended family, and now living in a multigenerational household after getting married; I have observed a lot in regards to South Asian culture and general practices.

I have noticed that we South Asians have a tendency to carry out self depreciating practices. We accept traditions that are harmful to us or those around us because it is our culture.

It baffles my mind that we as a people continously choose to abide by this unspoken rule of honor, traditions, status and "respect". When really there is no judge or authoritative party to hold them accountable. Other than "what will people say".

Don't get me wrong, there are ofcourse some beautiful values that we carry as well. But I am speaking of the practices that harm minorities, the oppressed and the meek.

Do not conflate my criticism of South Asian cultural complacency as an attack on religion. I am even speaking of the practices we choose to propagate in the name of religion when those exact practices actually contradict the teachings and history of religion.

But it's easier to accept the ridiculousness of a concept when you attach the word of God to it, I guess.

-Saania A

#desi #southasian #desiculture

[saaniaayy]

[saaniaayy]

Reminders

It was 2am, we couldn’t sleep. Pillow talk as usual, how I got triggered by something my co-worker said 2 days ago, how he plans to have a BBQ whenever he finds time. It was the usual mindless conversations, we both cringed about embarrassing moments from the past 2 years. I don’t know if it was the giddy-ness of the baby baking inside me, or the pheromones; but both of us were in a trance with each other. It was nights like these that I would be reminded why we fought so many years to be together; why we pushed against what seemed like a cemented wall at the time; why we stuck with each other for years despite being told we would never work; why we found our way back to each other after having walked away. It was times like these that I am reminded that we have one of the most enchanting love stories in the confines of real life.

              “Im hungry all of the sudden” I mumbled as I rubbed my baby bump. I was at that point in my pregnancy where I would randomly be hungry. “Me too” he turned to me, “wanna go to Mcdonalds?” he asked. I raised an eyebrow, “its 2am”. “yeah, so?” he argued. “alright I’m down” I responded. Before I could even finish my sentence he was jumping out of bed with the biggest grin on his face, “LET’S GO”. We both had work in the morning, but there was this childish joy in his face I just had to go along with. We both quickly got dressed and giggled our way to the front door. He stopped right before we stepped out, turned to me and whispered “I love us” kissed me and made his way out the door. I felt like we were 18 again, sneaking out to do something dumb. We went to Mcdonalds, ate in the car, and watched Netflix in an empty Fortinos parking lot.

              These are the nights we thank God we fought against the wind. And as he likes to say it “threw the kitchen sink”. These are the nights I can’t wait to ell our little bean about. 

- Saania A M 

[saaniaayy]

My family is better than your family 👊. . . . . . . . #summer #summer2017 #hijab #selfie #family #niagara (at Niagara Falls, Ontario)

[saaniaayy]

Sunset from the Grottos . . . . . . . . . . . #tobermory #canadaday #July1st #summer #Summer2017 (at Tobermory The Grotto)

[saaniaayy]

#eidmubarak . . . . . . . #Eid #eid2017 #eid2k17 #eidulfitr (at Brampton, Ontario)

[saaniaayy]

We hang. #bff #hijab #summer2017 #Toronto (at Yuk Yuk's Downtown Toronto)

[saaniaayy]

. . . . . . . . . . #hijab #green (at Red Rose Convention Center, Mississauga,on)

[saaniaayy]

Not everything that is good, is good for you. #casaloma #toronto (at Casa Loma)

[saaniaayy]

When you gotta take a picture before you take your makeup off . . . . . . . . . . . #hijab #floral #motd #motn (at Mississauga, Ontario)

[saaniaayy]

I like floral . . . . . . #hijab #floral #motd #motn #hudabeauty #hudabeautytrendsetter (at Eaton Center (Dundas Square))

[saaniaayy]

Another year gone by. Thankyou to everyone who was a part of my birthday on this random Tuesday night! And to my best friend for planning everything down to the surprise party. The balloons the presents the people I loved it all ! Super blessed to be surrounded by my loved ones ❤❤❤🎂 . . And shout out to @hazelounge for being absolutely amazing on service and help with hosting this little surprise gathering. Thankyou Sarah! . . . . #hijab #24 #balloons #Birthday #motd (at Mississauga, Ontario)

[saaniaayy]

This filter tho . . . . . . . . . . . . #hijab #motn #motd #eyebrows #eyes

[saaniaayy]

When you fall

     For the first time in a long time when I heard those words come from his mouth. Loneliness ? Does he really know about Loneliness? Does he know what that means !? As he spoke my mind spiraled feeling betrayed.      All of the sudden. Everything stopped. His words became blurry.  My words became blurry. Everything began to spin.  And I could feel myself collapse inwards. Spinning in to a little corner of darkness in my mind. I know it was a dangerous place. But I fell anyways.      It's as if everything went slow motion slow. I realized it now. I'm a burden on everyone and everything. Maybe I should just go away. Maybe I can go away. I've never had THIS feeling before. It's never gotten this dark before. It's like everything stops. Your heart pumps slower. Your breathe becomes hallow. Your gut falls to your knees. Your head feels heavy. As if you always need to rest it all the time.        And as much as I knew I shouldn't. I couldn't help but fall.

[saaniaayy]

My favorite kind of study sessions . . . . My favorite locations: Bramalea and Trinity. Best employees ever, never a bad time. #starbucks #study #studentlife (at Starbucks Canada)

[saaniaayy]

For more posts like these, go to @mypsychology​