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Behind the Scenes of Someone with Severe Anxiety and Depression

Sarah Maroun, a New York City College Student, Talks About her Mental Illness and its Effects on her Life.

By- Calley-Raye McCourt

Sarah Maroun, a 19-year-old sophomore at Marymount Manhattan College, opens up about her struggles with Anxiety and Depression.

"I would go through phases where I, like, just couldn't do anything, and no one really knew why, and I didn't really know why, and I also grew up, like, always feeling guilty or like something horrible would happen, and I thought it was normal and, like, just a part of me thought these things were just part of life. And then obviously they weren't, but it was, it was difficult to function, and like it was hard to be a fully functional child dealing with that all the time."

Sarah was diagnosed with Severe Anxiety and Depression when she was 15 years old. When asked how she felt about this diagnosis, Sarah was relieved, "I was relieved at first, because I was I didn't feel like completely alone in the subject, because she told me, or my therapist at the time told me, that it was common and, you know, there's ways to push through it, but I was relieved.

With her illness, Sarah sometimes finds it hard to get out of bed in the morning and leave.

Although Sarah tends not to talk to anyone about her struggles, there is one friend of hers that she confides in, her roommate Leo.

When asked if her illness has ever affected a relationship of hers, Sarah agreed and said that because of her illness, she tends to step back from the relationship, "I get in my head about it, and then I completely shut down on the person."

Sarah spends most of her time on the go. Almost every day she spends in class, and when she isn't, she is working at her job.

I asked Sarah if there are any outlets or hobbies she does to help her, and she agreed with one thing in particular, "I do try and write; I think just writing it down to get it out."

''Sometimes I get so scared to go to school to see someone who did something really bad to me, and it still affects me, and it's probably my main aggressor," Sarah says when asked if her anxiety affects her schooling.

"I'm outward with the things I do, with people I know and trust. But it was, it felt very isolating to be friends with them, I think, because we just weren't compatible personalities, and it was like, I'm the only one who has this anxiety, and every time I'd like act, anxious, I'd be like a scary ass bitch," Sarah explains to me how isolated this illness has made her feel.

Sarah keeps her most personal objects and items on this shelf in her room.

"Fuck it. I'll call out of work. I can't, if I, like, can't get out of my bed and function and, like, do things properly with my brain in the right space, like I can't do anything. I'll go outside, and I'll be like, everyone is looking at me, and I need to get inside, and I'll have a full-blown panic attack."

This little stuffed moon is one of the items that brings Sarah the most comfort.

When Sarah can't go outside, she sometimes finds comfort on her balcony.

"I understand that not everyone thinks the way I think. And it took me a long time to come to this conclusion."

Sarah doesn't use medications other than her hydroxyzine, which is a medicine given to those with anxiety, but she does find smoking to be something that helps with her anxiety, "I just smoke a lot because it sometimes clears my mind."

"People will, like, call me crazy or just like, she's just a crazy bitch," Sarah tells me what happens to her sometimes when she is open about her illness with ignorant people.

Sarah started therapy when she was 15. She no longer goes, but she told me a great resource for someone looking for therapy is Marymount's Counseling and Wellness Center.

"Get used to it. Even when you're on meds, it shines through," Sarah says when asked what she would tell someone with her illness.

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Women's Mental Health and The Stigmatization of It

Calley-Raye McCourt

Stigmatization is the act of treating someone or something unfairly by publicly disapproving of them or it. Stigmatization is something we can see daily, from public opinions given by someone on social media to public places such as workplaces and schools. Stigmatization can be against one of many things but in our society today, stigmatization is quite popular when it comes to mental health. A whopping 57.8 million Americans, are reportedly suffering from some type of mental illness—illnesses such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, bipolar, and many others. Even though many men suffer from these illnesses studies show that almost 50% more women are treated for these than men. 

“It’s a stigma. And nowadays everybody needs it,” Nicole McCourt, a therapist, responded when questioned about her opinions on the type of people who say that therapy isn’t something needed/important enough. When asked who she believes is most under-looked when it comes to mental health, Nicole had one simple answer, “Women.” This is understandable when given the history that is women’s mental health. 

Stigmatization in women’s mental health has been something that has followed women around for centuries. From Ancient Egypt where the word “hysteria” arose to describe women who were outspoken about their struggles, to 2022 when Amber Heard, an actress, was hit with scrutiny during her trial against ex-husband Johnny Depp. Depp’s team tried to paint Heard in a bad light by using her mental illness as a means for their gain. After the trial was over Heard was still seen in a bad light just because of this, “The outcome of the case did not matter. When it comes to stigma and career, the costs and damage for a woman weigh heavily if she is typecast with mental illness, cannot be undone.” If a powerful and influential celebrity is made to feel belittled because of their mind then what could possibly happen to those who don’t have the power that Heard has?

Being shunned by a partner isn’t the only way women can feel uneasy about getting mental health help. Northwestern University Women’s Mental Health Institute found that many women are less likely to search for help compared to their male counterparts because they care more about what society and the public think of them. With society's very harsh viewpoints on mental health, it’s no surprise why many of these women don’t seek out help. 

Gender bias is also one of the main components of why it is so hard for women to get the mental health help they need. Gender bias is when there is a preference for one gender over another. It is often based on prejudices and stereotypes. This is most commonly seen when women go to the doctor for help and are misdiagnosed because of stigmas and misconceptions the doctors have. It can also be seen in the many health trials that are done that exclude women. These two things have detrimental results when affecting women because, for one, there is less research done to help approximate what might be wrong in cases of mental or even physical health, and two, when shown that their needs aren’t as important as their male counterparts women might not seek out the right help. 

The stigmatization of women’s mental health is something that needs to be eradicated. With therapists such as McCourt who find these prejudices absurd, hopefully, in the future, they will be able to help those who don’t see mental health as important to be something that everyone needs.