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Hey, those days are long gone

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gay_irl

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naya rivera’s role of santana lopez truly changed my life. she was the first lesbian fictional character i not only watched but felt related to growing up, and she helped me accept myself. growing up gay with family members and friends who didn’t accept me was difficult, and somehow santana lopez allowed me to realize being a lesbian was not something bad or negative, not something i needed to feel ashamed for. this morning what i heard about what happened in lake piru broke my heart, i am deeply saddened and i want to thank naya from the bottom of my heart for making me feel less alone, and at some points in my life, wanting to keep living. i will forever be grateful to naya and my heart goes out to naya’s family and son during this time, naya saved so many young lives, and she did not deserve to have hers taken from her so soon. naya’s passion for helping others makes her a literal angel and what happened yesterday wasn’t anything less than a tragedy. your impact and compassion will never be forgotten naya 💕

rest easy gorgeous 💕

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“I’m going to invest time in learning more, the fear of the unknown will not stop me from progressing forward.”

— Affirmation of the day.

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trauma tells you being happy is wrong. your body rejects it because it’s unfamiliar, it’s something you have felt out of touch with for a long time. so just know that this is where the self-sabotage begins but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. it’ll just take time to get used to it again, to fully enjoy it and remind yourself you don’t deserve to put yourself through painful situations.

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When you're an introvert like me and you've been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It's a real release.

— Lana Del Rey

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Super cute makeup tutorial I found on Google! If you know the source, please do not hesitate to message me or comment, I’d love to add it to the post!

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I have some really profound analyzations I want to share of the masterpiece “Jennifer’s Body” after watching it so many times over the last couple years. Too bad Transformers fucked Megan Fox over because she doesn’t get the rep she deserves, she is such a talented actress and she’s been so overlooked. 

Jennifer and Needy have an intensely strong connection with one another, yet Needy doesn’t fully understand Jennifer until the end of the movie. They both have lots of intuition and they can sense what the other is planning or doing. Needy doesn’t have to tell Jennifer who she likes, Jennifer already knows, and when Jennifer shows up at her house, Needy knows its her. They have said “Hopeless” at the exact same time, when Needy and Chip were having sex, and when Jennifer was murdering Collin. At prom, the feeling on her lips was Jennifer kissing Chip. Needy knows exactly where to go in order to save Chip. Their connection is almost supernatural. They look at each other like they are in some sort of a trance, especially Jennifer, she adores Needy, especially when Needy watched her cheer from the bleachers and how Jennifer waves at her, and how she tucks Needy’s hair behind her ear and admires her before kissing her. When Jennifer says “We can play boyfriend, girlfriend like we used to,” it reveals that they may have been with each other sexually before, and it also shows Jennifers desperation to always have Needy by her side and her attraction towards her. Jennifer is quickly dismissive over Needy’s concerns, yet Needy still comes to the right conclusions. When Needy begged her not to get in the van with the band, Jennifer told her to “Shut up,” when Needy kept asking her what happened the night of the fire and what happened when Jennifer showed up at her house covered in blood, Jennifer kept acting as if it wasn’t a big deal. After Jennifer opened up about the night some, Needy figures out, “Maybe you did die that night.” After Needy asks what she needs to do to “stay full,” Jennifer dismisses her yet again says, “You know Needy, maybe you should talk to someone about these disturbing thoughts that you’re having,” and “I think Chip may be having second thoughts about you.” This is an attempt to force Needy into feeling insecure and protect herself from Needy knowing the full truth, but Needy connects the dots on what Jennifer means, as the next day at school she imagines Jennifer with blood running down her face. Jennifer seems to know exactly how to manipulate Needy, until the end of the movie...

In the film, Jennifer continuously says the word “hopeless,” more importantly, she says, “I need you hopeless.” Now, we know that Anita (Amanda Seyfried) was nicknamed “Needy” by Jennifer, and I believe Jennifer and Needy had a codependent relationship, majorly initiated by Jennifer because she wants Needy to be reliant on her and “hopeless” without her. The word “hopeless” is also written in blood on the wall in the pool scene. You see this constantly throughout the movie, Needy listens to demands from Jennifer, Jennifer is the leader, the alpha. Needy is starstruck in the beginning as she watches Jennifer cheer. “People find it hard to believe that a babe like Jennifer would associate with a dork like me.” Needy immediately changes plans with her boyfriend after Jennifer guilts her into going out, “You and me are going out tonight.” After an attempt to tell her she already has plans, Jennifer says “Boo, crossing out Needy,” “Wear something cute, okay?”  Jennifer makes Needy scared to loose her and doesn’t take no for an answer, and Needy does whatever she says in return. Jennifer criticizes Needy and especially her boyfriend, “It smells like Thai food in here, have you guys been fucking?” “You’re totally jealous.” Needy and her associations will always be lower than Jennifers, making Needy feel like she is owned by Jennifer. Jennifer schedules Needy’s life and tells her what to do, she can’t even call her boyfriend without Jennifer saying, “Crossing you out” to insight fear into Needy. Jennifer kills Needy’s boyfriend Chip, and others who may be a threat for coming too close to Needy, she is angered by Amet, Jonas, and Collin for gaining attention from Needy. Jennifer needs Needy to be her ultimate, the only power figure in her life, and she eliminates anyone who could take that away from her. When a guy is talking to Needy at the bar, Jennifer talks down to him, walks over and grabs him, showing him that Needy is her property. “Are you gonna cuff me?”

However, when we are taken to the flashbacks of their childhood together, because “Sandbox love never dies,” Needy is actually the more protective one and has much more confidence than Jennifer, “Don’t tell my mom, she’ll give me a shot.” Jennifer is weak and insecure yet puts on a facade of being the superficial popular girl. We know this because we see Jennifer’s weak side time and time again throughout the film. For example, before she is killed she shows genuine fear and humanity, when she is in the van with the men who killed her, she tries hard to convince them that she isn’t the person they want to kill, because she thought they didn’t want a virgin. As she is stabbed, she is screaming and crying, begging them not to kill her. She appears to be fierce and indestructible, but she’s really sensitive and she is the one who needs Needy, she relies on Needy to depend on her. Needy appears to be an empath and she is also secure in herself, and she cares for Jennifer deeply, when Jennifer continues to watch the band when the fire starts, Needy pulls her out of the bar, and begs her not to get into the van with the band, as she fears for Jennifers safety. “I watched her get into that van and I knew something awful was going to happen.” Jennifer is clearly easily manipulated and gullible, as it doesn’t take much to convince her to get into a van with men she hardly knows. Jennifer cares about Needy somewhat, but she mainly cares for herself and her own needs, therefore, has taken away anyone who would give Needy happiness other than herself, and showed no remorse for anyone she has killed or the innocent people who died in the bar that burned down. Jennifer is a coward, and she doesn’t want anyone to know about the relationship she wants to have with needy, “Don’t talk to yourself, that’s one of your more freakish behaviors, and it makes us both look like total gaylords.” She preys on Jonas when he is weaker and devastated about loosing his best friend in the fire, because he will be easier to manipulate. “It’s what Craig would have wanted.” After killing/dominating Jonas, she feels stronger than she did before, and she takes pride in hurting other people, because it makes her feel powerful. She calls Needy and tells her “I’m having the like the best day since Jesus invented the calendar.” She gets insecure when Needy answers the other line, “Don’t blow me off? Boo, i’m crossing you out.” “I am a god,” she declares to Needy after Needy and Chip decide to go out together. When Needy arrives to rescue Chip, she accuses Jennifer of being insecure, Jennifer gets defensive and says, “I am not insecure, Needy. God, that’s a joke, how could I ever be insecure? I was the snowflake queen.” Needy continues criticizing her, “You were two years ago, when you didn’t have to take laxatives to stay skinny,” at which point she is so angered at Needy and screams, “I am going, to eat your soul, and shit it out!” Although, Jennifer didn’t, because she couldn’t, she could have demolished both Needy and Chip with the amount of demonic powers she has, but she chose not to. 

Another reason why Jennifer is so territorial over Needy is because Jennifer has a strong hatred for men, and sees them as toys to play with. While she views needy as the only person she has a connection with, and she really sees Needy as higher than herself for that reason. She could never hurt or kill Needy, and doesn’t appear to want to kill any other girl, because she views women as more valuable than men. She see’s men as so worthless, that she can kill them with no remorse. After Needy says, “You’re killing people!” she replies with “No, i’m killing boys...” insinuating that its no big deal. She also says “Boys are just placeholders, they come and go.” When Jennifer shows up at Needy’s house after being killed and raids the food in the fridge, Jennifer pushes her against a wall and asks, “Are you scared?” after Needy says yes, she gets close to Needy’s neck and we think she is going to bite her, but Jennifer pushes her temptations away and throws her across the room  and leaves to protect Needy from herself, because she can’t bare the pain of hurting Needy. Jennifer grabs Needy’s boobs in the bar and encouraged her to use her body to get what she wants, which today is a clear portrayal of empowerment for some modern day feminists. After Collins is practically drooling over Needy in the hallway, Jennifer steps in and asks him to ask her out, she rejects him and explains to Needy, “He listens to maget-rock and he wears black nail polish, my dick is bigger than his.” After seeing how much Collins means to Needy, she accepts his offer to not only make Needy more dependent on her, but to gain the trust of the boys and lure them in to eliminate them. This makes Needy feel invalidated and Jennifer convinces her that nice things won’t come her way unless Jennifer is the top dog. This is confirmed when Jennifer says that she can have one of the lower band mates, but not the top one, because he is hers, and when she says how Chip has been looking really cute to her recently after needy blows her off to do something with him. The reason she is so sexist is simply because she has always seen men as a threat that would take away the only person she can be emotionally dependent on. 

Again, Jennifer could never hurt Needy, and Needy goes after Jennifer later to kill her in order to protect other boys from getting killed, Needy knows this is what she has to do, she now sees Jennifer accurately and she realizes the horrible person Jennifer is, though, this is exactly was Jennifer wanted, she needed Needy so badly so that ultimately, she would kill her. In the beginning, it was not like this, but after becoming a succubus, and  feeling “empty” so much and being forced to kill to keep herself alive and powerful, Jennifer had enough. The moment Jennifer made the decision to go after Chip, she made the decision to let Needy go, because after facing so much rejection from Needy, and the charm she once had on her faded completely, Jennifer was more insecure and heartbroken than ever, she didn’t want to live if she couldn’t have Needy, and she knew that if Needy felt betrayed enough, she would kill her. She also couldn’t hurt Needy since she is in love with her, making Needy the only person that could kill her. Jennifer could have went on a rampage and killed anyone she wanted to after Chip’s attack to make herself strong and beautiful again, but she chose to go home hungry and weak and wait for Needy to come murder her. Jennifer pretends to fight Needy, and give her all into hurting her, but keep in mind she has to make Needy feel strong and brave enough to kill her, so she criticizes her and continues to act like the villain, “Do you buy all you’re murder weapons at Home Depot? God you’re butch.” We then see Needy say “I’m crossing you out,” the line Jennifer used for so long to have power over Needy, the power exchange is exactly what Jennifer wants. Needy rips their BFF necklace off Jennifers neck and we are shown an emotional moment of it falling to the floor, this symbolizes the end of their friendship, relationship, and codependency. Jennifer’s plan has been a success as she see’s Needy will be okay without her, and she knows their relationship is over, she lets everything down and allows Needy to kill her. After Needy stabs her in the chest, Jennifer says, “My tit,” and Needy says “No, your heart.” However, Needy was not okay without Jennifer, in fact, Jennifer destroyed her, “I don’t know who Needy Lesnicki is anymore,” she says as she is shown in a jail/mental hospital. We are shown that she will become a succubus herself after Jennifer bit her, which is what Jennifer wanted, and yet again, we are shown how selfish Jennifer was, she wanted Needy to become what she hated most. “You just might absorb some of the demons abilities, and you just might get lucky for once in your miserable life.”

Jennifer is truly not like any other “classic mean girl” portrayed in Hollywood movies, and it’s so sad to me that Jennifer’s Body received bad ratings since I feel Jennifer and Needy are such complex characters with an interesting relationship. Needy may not even be bisexual like Jennifer, she may have just been so enticed and manipulated by Jennifer and looked up to her in ways of wanting to be like her. This would explain why Needy was so bothered by Jennifer kissing her, because she really just saw Jennifer as a mentor, and why wouldn’t she? She had to be jealous of Jennifer, she had to want certain qualities Jennifer possessed, she watched so many boys leave her for Jennifer. And in the end, Needy became Jennifer. 

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No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.

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"But it made you stronger."

I was a child. I didn't need to be stronger. I needed to be safe.