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use your words

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do yall also ever get the soul crushing realisation that you are in fact mentally unstable and its not just something you made up for attention or because its "quirky" and then just sit there like damn

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the vibe I bring to the function

X

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i hate being the bigger person why cant i say why are you being mean to me and burst into tears dramatically

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i was just eager for a week of social stuff every day but ig it's prolly for the best tonight became so solo.... it was nice to not think abt anything but a video game for a few hrs.

and now I can daydream more abt next week

I can't emo post abt a hook up rescheduling on twt it's too pathetic lol

but like yeahhhh I'm bummed out I have to wait another week!! i am kinda sad I spent the night gaming off an edible instead of fucking a friend 🤪

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I can't emo post abt a hook up rescheduling on twt it's too pathetic lol

but like yeahhhh I'm bummed out I have to wait another week!! i am kinda sad I spent the night gaming off an edible instead of fucking a friend 🤪

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ASUKAAAAAA i rewatched eva recently and got in a mood to redraw her screencaps as a warmup

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idk what's changed in the past couple months but the passionate need dissipated.... I still adore both of them but this NEED for love and more is just gone. I don't want them as badly as I did. I feel more content where things are..... idk it's bizarre rereading this and not feeling the same way

oh my god let me be delulu for a second

so let's say I stop being a coward and confess to them... and they both feel the same..... then we could.... be together 😳😳😳😳 and go on dates and kiss and hold hands and cuddle and and and and and and

imagining sleeping over and spending the whole weekend w them...... getting to kiss and pet and love on each other without holding back anymore

but on the other hand if they don't feel the same or even get uncomfy I might make the friendship weird and lose out on great sex.... I might even get pushed away 😭

I don't know what to do, I think saying nothing is easiest

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I so badly fantasize abt them wanting to talk abt smth w me and it turns out it's the same thing I wanna talk abt w them and then we laugh and hug and kiss and feel great having confessed and it's all wonderful... except I don't think it'll happen? idk I'm fine waiting 🥴

oh my god let me be delulu for a second

so let's say I stop being a coward and confess to them... and they both feel the same..... then we could.... be together 😳😳😳😳 and go on dates and kiss and hold hands and cuddle and and and and and and

imagining sleeping over and spending the whole weekend w them...... getting to kiss and pet and love on each other without holding back anymore

but on the other hand if they don't feel the same or even get uncomfy I might make the friendship weird and lose out on great sex.... I might even get pushed away 😭

I don't know what to do, I think saying nothing is easiest

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oh my god let me be delulu for a second

so let's say I stop being a coward and confess to them... and they both feel the same..... then we could.... be together 😳😳😳😳 and go on dates and kiss and hold hands and cuddle and and and and and and

imagining sleeping over and spending the whole weekend w them...... getting to kiss and pet and love on each other without holding back anymore

but on the other hand if they don't feel the same or even get uncomfy I might make the friendship weird and lose out on great sex.... I might even get pushed away 😭

I don't know what to do, I think saying nothing is easiest

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i will not lie, friends in my phone, i have been imagining affection from time to time

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today is fucking garbage. took the stupid meds and ate a stupid meal and went outside and got home and just kept crying. days basically gone and ruined it's not like anything is fucking happening. I didn't plan it well so I'm doubting anyone will show. whatever just another night to myself like the rest of the day. nothing to do nothing to want nothing!! might nap cause at least nothing will hurt then. I feel so bad what am I doing with my day off??? wallowing??? my brain won't fucking let me have anything else.

just another day off to myself. it's great not working but it sucks having to just be with myself all day alone. like every other day. except I can leave I guess cause Im not working technically.

also I'm not insane for thinking it's fucking rude to agree to plans then turn around and stay up dummy late and cancel em?? like what the fuck. why even say yes. whatever this is such typical behavior idk why I even expected better. I shouldn't! the bar is on the fuckin floor. I can't believe after the whole bs of Monday I'm still having to beg for a crumb of attention.

speaking of begging sex is still nonexistent. i acted on horny desire and between my period and his disinterest it fizzled completely. it was just shit ass convo after shit ass convo like man I'm fucking horny I wouldn't do this to u w a boner.

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just another day off to myself. it's great not working but it sucks having to just be with myself all day alone. like every other day. except I can leave I guess cause Im not working technically.

also I'm not insane for thinking it's fucking rude to agree to plans then turn around and stay up dummy late and cancel em?? like what the fuck. why even say yes. whatever this is such typical behavior idk why I even expected better. I shouldn't! the bar is on the fuckin floor. I can't believe after the whole bs of Monday I'm still having to beg for a crumb of attention.

speaking of begging sex is still nonexistent. i acted on horny desire and between my period and his disinterest it fizzled completely. it was just shit ass convo after shit ass convo like man I'm fucking horny I wouldn't do this to u w a boner.