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Mental Health🏥: A Real Life Fever👹 Dream🏆

We all look for the meaning of life🤔🧐; people explore and poke around in religion, college, Corporate America, and other cults to tickle their pickle🥒 and see what makes them feel gooey inside. The gooey feeling I am referring to is a fever dream fantasy of pure uninterrupted bliss, thus letting us or this coming-to-the-lightbulb individual being able to live in bliss. I once overheard a woman🙋‍♀️ say to a friend, “I think I’m addicted to stress.” and that shit was eye opening to me to say the least. I’ve dabbled and witnessed addictions to understand while it is mostly a curse, it is also a sweet apple🍎 of Eden that makes everything go black but you feel everything at the same time. Did I witness the savior known as middle-aged woman in Ugg Boots and Hanes Hoodie speak the hidden truth? Are we addicted to stress? And now I ask the question: can our world survive without stress🤬?

Mental health has become a big buzz‼️ word and way of life in the 2020’s. Not only do people of our time prioritize their mental health, but they wear it with borderline cringe pride like a Juicy Couture Sweatsuit💕 in the early 2000’s. People will call out sick and say it’s for a mental health day, something no one, myself included, would imagine having the balls to do back in 2018-2019. Nah, we would just lie and deny or actually be sick in order to use a sick day. I once worked with a girl who took a mental health day to nurse a break up💔. Meanwhile, one of my good friends worked on the day her cat died🪦. Life sometimes really does embody the white woman doing math🧮 meme when shit like this is your reality.

When society overhypes or emphasizes something, it makes you wonder where you fall on the scale⚖️. Social media promotes the message “it’s ok to not be ok”- this may in fact be an actual slogan somewhere real- but where does the line get drawn? Is there a line or is there a spiral🌀? (Spiral is ironic considering that’s what most people don’t want to be in- except me and Queen 👸Stress Addict) For example, one of the biggest components of positive mental health is pursuing interests that limit or downright avoid technology. But how would people know about our mental health if we don’t capture it through technology📱🖥️💻?

I have fallen into the TikTok algorithm of hot girl, yet approachable but not really, morning routine and these girls walk, talk, and film their healthy mental health cult habits. I saw one girl wake up around 7 am 🥱and she immediately starts the day washing her face and doing her manifestation. By 7:30 am she is stretching and ready for her exercise. Fast forward to 8:30 am where our mental health queen showers then makes some sort of smoothie bowl that looks like it would cost $15 in a juice press palace. Finally we arrive to 9:30 am where she dives into her work and in between squeezes 💃in time to journal. While I respect and admire this nailed down and Tumblr-eque aesthetic✨, I can’t help but respectfully say, “Na.” I say na because I am overwhelmed at the thought of me doing all of those things before noon and letting my bowels💩 and coffee settle. When did life HAVE to be so busy? Where did the days go of peace and tranquility without actually doing things🪑 (especially the mornings)? Life to me is a balance of stress and peace. I like to set up goals and push myself, but there are limits to my bandwidth and willingness to get out of bed. And while I love the fuck out of being healthy, I also love knowing who I am and doing the things that make me feel good (regardless of the norms and social media propaganda). And to love myself I have to do the bare minimum of exercising, eating healthy, walking outside, dodge technology for a bit, yada, yada, yada. Oy, it’s a full time job to be a human without being paid 🤑to be alive. Where’s my Sims controller when I need her 👩‍💻(ain’t no fucking way is a man controlling me in a simulation)?

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I Don’t Want Anyone Else’s Vibe✨ But Mine👸🏻

Acknowledging and recognizing who you are in your late twenties👵🏻 is one of those milestones that hits you full force and pushes you in the an Alice in Wonderland cycle of feelings. If I had to pinpoint the first emotion I felt during this era of my life was probably relief. I was relieved because I was able to break through what felt like a never ending 🔂abyss of swallowing who I was to make other people feel comfortable about themselves. This is not to say that I was a deeply insecure or people-pleasing🙇🏻‍♀️ person. Oh no, I swallowed speaking up, identifying what I’m interested and how that impacts my appearance, staying quiet, and probably more; and I did all of this just to make other people feel more comfortable. Fuck that and fuck that version of Grace. I don’t know her🤷🏻‍♀️. We are two different people who will have similarities but are definitely not cut✂️ from the same reasonably priced + upper-middle Millennial cloth🩲.

Sugar. Spice. And everything nice. These were the ingredients 👩🏻‍🍳chosen to create the perfect little girls. I wish I could simplify the ingredients chosen to create the perfect me. But one thing I know that is vital❣️ is the ability to let go. That sounds broad but it is really simple actually. First off, the more you let go of insignificant, callous, dull, unnecessary, and then some. When you consciously shed some of your baggage 🧳you realize how much sweeter 🍯other facets of life feel and taste like. That allows you to make room for better things and you become better as a result. Maybe I’d be better at math 🧮if it was broken down like that.

While I solved this puzzle, I know there are many levels⬆️ and versions of myself I still have to reach and conquer. Don’t we play video games to get that rush of excitement when we beat a son of a bitch hard level? Maybe that’s the same reason why people do CrossFit, praise Jesus or She-sus, smoke weed, fuck without inhibitions, and loads of other vices. In this particular case, I want to feel the rush of excitement🌟 of becoming the goddess I’ve always aspired to embrace. Now I wear colors and patterns instead of just black. Now I elevate my food instead of zombie Venmoing takeout. Now I smile and mean it instead of smiling and faking it. Sometimes you don’t have to catch a vibe. Sometimes shit really does fall into place when you let your freak flag 🏴‍☠️fly and put out what you want to put in.

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Went for a bit of a different style for this one ig

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Dolly Parton onstage, 1970

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㋡🥀

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The Matrix 👾 Starts Over ♻️

Another week, another weekend that flew by. Being in my late twenties👵🏻, I have tried to be more of a yes 🙋🏻‍♀️person. This means saying yes to anything within my spectrum of comfort➖happiness. I went out into the world for about 9 hours and then I threw in the towel to head back to my oasis and cat. No matter how Ex Machina 🤖we try to be with getting 1935 things done in a day, I have a drop dead deadline when to retreat home and stay home. I no longer regret what I could have missed out on with other humans. Instead I regret doing a proper skincare💆🏻‍♀️ regime, getting high🌬, and munching on snacks that will go straight to my belly and ass🎅🏻.

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Motto.

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My favorite juice

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You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.

Daniel Saint

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gisele bundchen photographed by michel comte for vogue italia, 1999