ruined-gal

[ruined-gal]

Also, someone advise,is using alternative self harm techniques like melting ice on it wrists relapsing?? Bc ur still harming urself?? And will it fix these cravings ??or will it make it worse ???

I wanna cut myself realllll bad bro! I don't even know why!! I mean I learned that u can never get rid of a neural pathway once it's formed so I guess in a tiny way the urge will always be able to return??? I'm not going to cut myself bc I have self control but the itching in my arm and the thoughts r So Annoying like. We get it I wanna self harm lol.

Anyway I think I'm gonna make myself an impromptu wristband for tomorrow's workshop bc I feel like that wld fix it?? Plasters also would but I don't wanna look suspicious or waste plasters so I'm just gonna make a floral wrist band out of some fabric I have. We craftingggg !! Better hope no on gets suspicious lol

[ruined-gal]

I wanna cut myself realllll bad bro! I don't even know why!! I mean I learned that u can never get rid of a neural pathway once it's formed so I guess in a tiny way the urge will always be able to return??? I'm not going to cut myself bc I have self control but the itching in my arm and the thoughts r So Annoying like. We get it I wanna self harm lol.

Anyway I think I'm gonna make myself an impromptu wristband for tomorrow's workshop bc I feel like that wld fix it?? Plasters also would but I don't wanna look suspicious or waste plasters so I'm just gonna make a floral wrist band out of some fabric I have. We craftingggg !! Better hope no on gets suspicious lol

[ruined-gal]

I'm so sick of just dragging my body around doing things I don't wanna do all day and im just rlly struggling to force myself to continue doing things I don't wanna do and keep up the willpower not to eat junk food and all of that jazz. I'm rlly overwhelmed with work I have to do so I just do nothing. I rlly rlly need to suck it up and get it together and get back to forcing myself to function well rather than being so listless.

[ruined-gal]

*googles how to stop feeling lonely on incognito mode*

[ruined-gal]

i know its been said b4 but growing up suicidal and then reaching an age you never planned to live to is extremely stressful and terrifying, and we deserve more credit for not killing ourselves and THEN having to make up for the time we spent not caring if we lived or died and not doing work to improve our lives.

[ruined-gal]

honestly some ppl I know irl flex their mental illnesses which they may or may not have at me bc they think I'm just some plain neurotypical who'll be impressed by this stuff and I'm like..... u do know I tried to kill myself right? and I'm too ashamed to talk abt it and also I don't wanna make it seem like a competition so I just go 'oh rlly? that's not great. Well yeah it's p cool of me not to want to kms :) I think u should engage in healthier behaviours :)' and they're like haha you silly neurotypical. like i'm not interested in whatever you've decided you have this week after watching some yt vids and then ur friends think it's like some cool trend and your competitions as to who has the most and like. I'm Especially not interested if u call dysphoria a mental illness just to boost ur total. lol.

[ruined-gal]

Poke - Frightened Rabbit

[ruined-gal]

this boy was like oh I was super into you a few years ago and I was like bruh..... u cldnt have told me that when I had a huge crush on u??? my self esteem issues wld be so much less bad now if we'd just had a relationship

F

[ruined-gal]

bruh I rememeber when my friend was like 'you have so much love in you' and I wa alike uwu I love u and now I'm like damn. this shit is a curse

[ruined-gal]

F

[ruined-gal]

haven't made a post of my shitty vent journal for ages so I figured I'd post the cooler pages. yeah they're sad and no i don't know why I'm posting this. yes my camera is trash

[ruined-gal]

she

[ruined-gal]

I'm so lonelyyyy

[ruined-gal]

me, making a list of people who don't care abt me and why in my mental health journal: I'm an overdramatic little fag

if someone doesn't fucking care abt me right now I'm gonna!!! literally die!!!!! or smth!!!!

[ruined-gal]

if someone doesn't fucking care abt me right now I'm gonna!!! literally die!!!!! or smth!!!!

[ruined-gal]

i’ll get through this by myself so it’s fine

[ruined-gal]

bruh. the fact that everyone in my life seems to be kinda. giving up on caring about me OR I'm giving up on caring about them kinda. sucks.