ruby-sunset - Tumblr blog

[ruby-sunset]

ah the winter relapse

[ruby-sunset]

new ugw unlocked!

playboy bunny club members from 1963 had to have a BMI of 19.5... for me that's about 107 pounds.

I'm at 164.4 now- and new gws are outlined below

GW1 - 163 (20 pounds down from New Years)

Prize- Go rock climbing with hubby

GW2- 158 (match my husband's BMI)

Prize- bath bomb plus shoulder massage

GW3 - 145 (healthy weight category)

Prize- color draping, new makeup, new work clothes

GW4- 130 (lowest weight from college)

Prize- new Jeans and casual clothes

GW5- 120 (ugw from high school)

Prize- ???? smth big and wonderful

UGW- 107 (everything vintage fits because I have a bunny's body)

Prize- finally feeling beautiful beside my extraordinary husband

[ruby-sunset]

invented by the corn lobby in 1932 to increase the purchase of corn syrups and wax via candy corn

For the last time, Halloween is not pagan. It was invented by the automotive insurance industry in 1957 to sell more car accidents.

[ruby-sunset]

today I have eaten doughnuts, biscoff cookies, packaged soup with pork, animal crackers, and honey butter....

but i have the audacity to be offended when I am knees shaking fighting for my life on the toilet??????

dumb baby

[ruby-sunset]

I am below 165 today! the last time I was below this weight I was still unmarried (eek! time flies).

My next goal is 158, as that would put me at an equal bmi to my husband. after 158, Ill be shooting towards 150 then 140 (which is the top end of a healthy weight for my height)

got to keep up this positive movement, make my husband proud and my doctor happy.

[ruby-sunset]

when I go on mybodygallery and look up my height I'm immediately flooded with images of women my age and literally 70 to 80 pounds smaller than I am. How did I manage to let myself get so big??

At 2 pounds a week, I should be down to the weight I lied about on my driver's liscence before my next doctor appointment. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get there.

I refuse to purge my food, I simply won't eat any foods that I will want to purge later. I can't continue to damage my teeth or my dentist will notice. No amount of baking soda rinses and sensodyne tubes will repair the enamel that Ive already eroded away.

Right now I'm nearing 15 pounds down from my highest weight, recorded on New Year's Day last year. If I can get back on Wellbutrin for a period of at least 3 to 6 months I should be able to accelerate that loss. I want to be a triumph to my husband. I want to lose enough weight to justify brand new clothes- and be small enough that I can go thrift shopping without worrying if the clothes will fit.

I haven't been able to maintain below 165 since before the wedding and I am so freakin close. I know I can do it. I know I can keep shrinking. I can skip lunch at work every day, eat dinner, and exercise and the pounds will just melt away. It shouldn't be a challenge to go on a jog instead of a walk, but right now it is. It shouldnt be embarassing to be seen by my new friends in exercise clothes, but right now it is. Im going to change all of that.

I might not have control over where we live or how we are doing financially but I can at least control my body.

[ruby-sunset]

does my husband know that i have an eating disorder

or is he just being supportive and loving of me?

i dont deserve him

[ruby-sunset]

me yesterday in a fog all day

gotta set an alarm for that junk

[ruby-sunset]

so ive been maintaining at 10 lbs down from my HW for a hot minute and honestly thats ok but i have another 33 lbs to lose before i think itll be truly noticeable

so my baby steps to get worse this fall mostly include fasting more and eating less

i wanna be smaller by new years

[ruby-sunset]

my superpower is always being able to guess what my weight will be before I step on the scale

anyways below 170 again!!!

[ruby-sunset]

over drank

over ate

body angry with me today

its almost like Im being punished for going off track

but anyways me and solid food are not friends rn

[ruby-sunset]

numbers under the stars

***

CW 171.5 🤮

I gained back the weight I lost for my honeymoon but on the bright side I didnt purge the entire trip and topped 15k steps every day so even though I feel like a pig I know its good

OB 38

UB 33

W 31

H 41

T 24

C 15.5

A 8

WR 6

NECK 12.5

[ruby-sunset]

haha I know things aren't good in my brain when I see aesthetic posts and immediately think "oooh! thiiinspô".

but I gained on my honeymoon and now Im going to need to work extra hard to get down to my 2nd GW.

[ruby-sunset]

I ate a fatty breakfast today and I feel sick to my stomach. Why tf did I do this to myself? 🤮

Cheese, crackers, seaweed, and peanut butter does not a suitable meal make.

[ruby-sunset]

Couple of things

GW 2 is 163- that will be 20 lbs lost since January.

Ive got to figure out what GW 3 should be- my next number to strive for. Maybe 155?

Obviously I'm shooting for 140 and below, but I know that I need smaller goals so I have guidelines. I'm going to work VERY hard not to let myself get over GW 1 as I'm working toward GW 2.

My body doesn't want to be big. My body doesnt want to carry around fat for me. My body doesnt want thighs that chafe. I can't wait to see how great I feel when I lose all of the extra. I cant wait to see how pretty I look. I cant wait to surprise my friends and have my blue goal dress zip behind my back smoothly. I'm excited for when my clothes get so big I need to take them in.

I'm really stoked to take a photo in my blue dress which has tight areas now and have the dress look giant on me.

I think I might need to convince my husband to let me do more fasting. Religious fasting all day Sunday to bring me closer to God and then mornal fasting until dinner Monday would be such a power move for dropping these lbs.

There are a few things that Im pretty stoked about though that Ive gotta celebrate. My engagement ring and wedding band are both getting looser on my left hand. My college class ring is still snug- I lowkey want it to be too big. My hand goal is to have my highschool class ring fit me again.

[ruby-sunset]

numbers under the stars

*****

CW 168.4 !!!!! GW 1 reached.

ob 39

ub 32.5

w 32

h 40.5

t 24

c 15

a 8

wr 6

neck 13

[ruby-sunset]

hit GW 1 today!!!! if I dont goof it up this weekend Ill be very close to GW 2 shortly.