roushnixd

[roushnixd]

i don't think anyone ever moves on. wait, nah i will speak for myself. i think my hurt never goes anywhere. i never heal. i just convince myself momentarily that i am fine.

the betrayal doesn't matter. the lies don't matter. the trauma doesn't matter. anything that ever took a toll on me doesn't matter and i am still perfectly fine and capable of moving forward regardless of anything that made me believe otherwise.

all of this generally follows a phase where i am distracted and i think i am happy.

but soon, very soon i end up crying and screaming silently at the sky. realizing, nothing ever left me. i never left anything. all of the hurt that has ever touched my heart is still in my heart. the wound- no multiple wounds are still there and they still bleed.

[roushnixd]

people love to throw advices that say "be you", "you're unique no one can take that away from you" and yeah well maybe yes, it even sounds so grounding. but for every situation I've ever found myself in- i find a reel for it. for every pain that heavies my heart- there is a poem already written.

everything i say has been said. everything i do has been done. everything i think has been thought. people have loved the way i love. people have hurt the way i hurt and have wondered the way i do.

it all makes me want to freeze myself. i don't want to move. what is this? we've days we can't recall. people just die. who has the control keys? why are we living the same lives just in different fonts? and if we all are the same and just a lump of atoms- why is she prettier and why is he richer?