rottingblueink - Tumblr blog

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"i had a bad day, and these tests were hard" -me

"5 paragraphs about how i need to learn more and be better, college IS NOT high school bla bla bla-" _mom

not one "i love you", not one "its fine", just straight study study study, like DAMN, what if i dont, what if i get an average score, what if i fail two tests, what then? will it be "you should've tried harder, your SMART your grades can be better than this, i just want you to be happy" or "Dante, really, im so disapointed, this is YOUR future here, a 3.5 isnt gonna cut it."

Like i can be happy even though i got bad grades, i can get happiness and a good future without having to be reminded of how "special", "better", "smart" i am. Its a wonder how im supposed to not feel like my mothers love only comes as a reward to my academic success, when its all you talk about mom. THERE IS A REASON ITS AWKWARD WHEN WE TALK ABOUT GRADES. So many of those talks i just smile cause what am i gonna do, risk not being loved and welcomed by my own mother because it seemed like i didnt care about my grades?. What if i am stupid, lazy, and not all that you propped me up to be?, what happens when i dont reach my supposed potential and i become someone you cant post on facebook saying to the world look at my "smart" son, am i gonna be denied access into your heart, are you going to acknowledge me as a your beloved son?, cause the impression i get from my whole life of talking with you is that you wont love me as i am, a lazy, sometimes stupid, and underachieving person.

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i wish you could do a stress test for friendships.

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you have to maintain your 3.9 gpa, or atleast dont let it get worse than 3.88 - my mom to me who just received my worse grade for a test (it was my final test)

a part of me wants to get worse than whatever she wants of me just to see what would happen to me. Would it make my mom and i have a worse relationship? probably. I want to do a stress test and see how much of my value (in the eyes of my mom) lies in my future success.

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a character from "Blue Period". Never have i ever wanted to see someone bound and tortured more than this guy. HANG HIM !!!

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its such a humbling experience when someone you thought was a decent person turns out to be a huge jerk. Like you think you know somebody, you think you are a good enough judge of character and it turns out that your just afraid of not having friends if you have such a high standard for the people around you so you assume everyone's just as decent as you are. I SHOULD have high standards, if i wont be having too many friends, then at least the people im friends with should be good people, Yknow idk im pissed off i guess

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i love being passionate about something ! im also able to acknowledge the fact that not everyone will like the thing that i do ! <3. Is what i say to myself in my head before telling people to die (also in my head)

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i could have been so different from the me i know right now. Someone i know hasn't grown from the person they were years ago, that's terrifying to me.

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A selection of strange and cryptic personal ads from The New York Herald, 1860s to 1890s. 14/?

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everybody has dreams that feel real. Most people have dreams that feel like they're really falling, or they get a sensation and it feels like they actually felt it on their body. A dream that felt real to me was a dream i had where i was talking to my parents about my problems, and about how i was miserable. They were understanding, they really listened and it was amazing, my heart fluttered, it skipped and hopped, my chest was feeling light, i was really happy. I woke up soon after, there was a lingering happiness, but i realized that i wasn't on a call with my parents, i was laying on a bed smiling all to myself. I feel deflated cause now i have to actually talk with my parents, and if their response is in anyway different from my dream then i wouldn't know how to feel.