rottingapple005 - Tumblr blog

[rottingapple005]

our new turntable!

[rottingapple005]

Adhd is learning every countrys location, name, flag and language they speak but not putting in a fraction of that effort to clean my room, make food or look for a psychiatrist because that shit is not stimulating dopamine rn so get tf away from me ✋🫸🙅‍♀️❌

[rottingapple005]

Gaining weight, loosing sanity 🔥🔥🔥🔥🤟🤟🤟🤙🤙💯💯💯😈😈😈😈

[rottingapple005]

Quick question how the fuck to be a normal person? Why is it so hard to be like everyone else.

[rottingapple005]

Binge eating while binge watching to run away > starving to feel better about myself

Honestly starving is bullshit it’s not worth it because I‘m in pain for a stretched period of time while with binging I only feel shit about myself while my belly is still full from it, when I think back and when I think about my we1ght but the biggest plus I can run away from my problems. I always run away that’s everything i do. That’s why I‘m only awake at night, that’s why I don’t have friends, why I bottle everything up and why I only stay locked up in my room.

[rottingapple005]

Why can nobody talk to me as if I‘m a real person with feelings

[rottingapple005]

naps hit different when ur using them to avoid being alive

[rottingapple005]

sorry if this sounds selfish, but it's mentally draining having a suicidal friend

[rottingapple005]

That doesn’t traumatise anyone. These girls are the only reason I‘m alive. I would’ve been dead so many times.

They should invent a way to kill yourself that doesn’t disappoint anyone

[rottingapple005]

vent// I literally came on tumblr and actively searched for someone to relate to after my mom acted like the victim when I was trying to tell her how she makes me feel AGAIN. I‘m a fool for trying to make her understand me for years. She doesn’t deserve me to explain to her again. I told her. I answered all your questions countless times for years. The same questions and answers again and again. But you never fail to hold your ears closed and take it as an offence. I’ll make you feel what I feel. I’ll show you the wounds and not explain. I’ll cry and scream, this time without hiding it from you, and I won’t explain. You don’t deserve my pain just for you to know or for me to be understood. I‘m giving up on trying to make you understand me because you proved me time and time again that it’s impossible.

You don’t care how I feel. You want me to talk to you and I do but you really don’t give a shit about how I feel and your actions reflect that absolutely perfectly. Why am I the only one suffering when YOU are the one who makes me suffer? You deserve to suffer from your bullshit, not me. I’ll torture you like you tortured me every fucking day for years. I’ve had enough. You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve explanation. You don’t deserve me hiding my struggle from you. You don’t deserve to feel anything but the same that you make me feel. I’ve had enough.

The fact that i actually found someone who sounds like they’re speaking out of my soul is a weird coincidence. So specific and it’s what i searched and found in just 3 minutes or so.

Seeing my mom cry infront of me because I don't talk to her anymore, how she wants to know more about how im doing with my classes and that it feels like im punishing her.

I wish you held me when I was cutting myself for 3 months straight last year, i wish I could tell you, but i know you're always going to make it about yourself. I don't want to engage with you too much because i know I'll breakdown sooner or later. Maybe if you never yelled at me for acting out on my tendencies I'd feel like speaking to you without feeling like im walking around eggshells and a ticking bomb. I can only tell you im okay and that nothings wrong with me anymore, and if there was I'd tell you, just like how you wanted.

We're both lying to each other either way