rosewaves06

[rosewaves06]

YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS

I JUST SAW

A BARTYLILY EDIT

ON TIKTOK

OUTSIDE OF TUMBLR

OMG SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

[rosewaves06]

all i want

synopsis: in which years of love fade due to her betrayal

pairing: sirius black x reader

warnings: fluff, angst, cursing? sirius being sirius, impulsivity, and betrayal

11.4k words

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

11 February 1974

Sirius’ voice echoed through the crowded corridor as he ran after the witch. She giggled and kept walking, knowing he’d catch up to her. He always did. She could hear Sirius calling back apologies to the multiple witches and wizards he knocked over on his quest towards her. He heaved in a breath, finally catching up to her. He threw his arm around her shoulder and drew the girl in. She breathed in Sirius’ smell: cigarettes, Sleekeazy potion, and the distinct smell of roses and cologne.

“So, Y/N/N, Hogsmeade trip coming up,” Sirius stated, his voice trailing off as he looked at her. The smell of vanilla, ink, caramel, and perfume filled his senses as he hugged her closer to his body. He missed the ghost of a smile that decorated her face.

“Yeah, what about it?” she asked.

“Come with me?” Sirius stopped moving the second she did. His arm fell from her shoulders. She created a distance between the two by stepping backwards, away from him.

“No,” she said. She would have loved to go on a date with Sirius, in all honesty. She just didn’t want to go to Hogsmeade. It was boring, and there truly was nowhere to go for a date, much less a first date. The Three Broomsticks was full of friends and the chatter of villagers. Madam Puddifoot’s was adorable, but it was filled wall to wall with older couples resting their feet. The rest of the shops were nothing more than places they could spend the little money their parents sent them off with. Despite the village's picturesque view, it was no place for a date.

“I figured you would say that,” Sirius sighed but remained standing, “will you go out with me? Not to Hogsmeade. One date. Anywhere you want.”

“Sure,” she said, a small smile on her face.

“Come on, Y/N/N, just one date—” he stopped his grovelling and looked at her with an expression of shock, “did you just agree to a date with me?”

“Yes. But you’re picking the place,” she laughed. The dashing smile that rendered girls speechless broke out on Sirius’ face as he picked her up and twirled her around in excitement.

“You’re not going to regret this,” he vowed, “I will make this the best first date you’ve ever been on.”

“Can’t wait,” she promised and walked away towards her class. Sirius whooped loudly as she turned the corner, and she couldn’t contain the giggle that escaped past her lips. Despite the scolding and the threat of detention she got from Professor Flitwick, Y/N’s smile stayed glued on her face. Sirius gave a sheepish apology to Professor McGonagall after coming in late, uncaring at the detention he’d been given—what’s one more?—he’d just gotten a date with Y/N Y/L/N.

14 February 1974

A knock on the door to her dorm took Y/N’s attention away from her reflection. A fellow student looked up at her with an exasperated expression, her finger pointing down towards her common room.

“He’s been waiting for his ‘étolie’ for the past half hour, and he’s driving us all insane with his declarations of love,” she said, “please get him out of here.”

“How could you possibly know he was talking to me?” Y/N asked as she grabbed her bag and risked one last glance at her reflection. The other witch raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“You’re the only one Black is smitten for. Everyone knows Sirius Black ‘laid claim’ on you, Y/N,” she stated, “and that you ‘claimed’ Sirius Black.”

Y/N’s face recoiled in disgust, “don’t ever say that again.”

“It’s the truth,” the other witch said, “have fun on your date.”

Sirius grinned at Y/N and stuck his elbow out for her. She looped her arm through and allowed herself to fall into step with him, unknowing of where he was planning on taking her. She truthfully wouldn’t have minded if he had ended up making their date be a walkthrough Hogsmeade. She’d have been disheartened considering the crowds that took to the village for Valentine’s day, but she knew Sirius would make it worthwhile. It wasn’t until they passed all the potential exits of the castle and walked down past the dungeons that Y/N got suspicious.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked, looking around her surroundings as if it would give any indication of where they were going.

“Oh, nowhere,” he sang, “just a little place to celebrate you saying yes to being my date.”

Sirius opened the door to a decorated kitchen room. Hearts on strings lined the walls while the hanging string lights illuminated the ceiling. A single pink daisy sat in a pot in the middle of a wooden table surrounded by rose petals that seemed to cover the ground. A quiet symphony played in the background, disrupting the silence. Sirius looked at her in trepidation, hoping to gauge her feelings. He captured the way the lights bounced off her wide eyes and made them glassy. She had never looked more adorable than she did at that moment.

“Oh,” she gasped, her hands crossing over her chest in admiration, “all my years, no one’s ever done anything like this for me.”

A giggle left her lips the moment she turned to look at Sirius. He had magicked a bowtie on his neck, not caring if it clashed with his attire. “It’s too much, isn’t it?”

“A bit,” she laughed. Sirius chuckled and made it disappear with a flick of his wand.

“Come,” he said as he led her to the table in the centre of the room, “let’s eat.”

After pushing her chair in, Sirius crossed over towards the stove to pick up the serving dish. He carefully walked it towards the table and laid it before her, motioning for her to open it.

“What’s this?” she asked softly as she pulled the lid off.

“Ta-da,” he sang.

“You cooked this?”

“I did!” The bashful pride in his voice had Y/N smiling up at him. She never knew Sirius Black could be as endearing as he was at that moment.

“I’ve never cooked for anyone before,” he confessed as he took his seat in front of her. “You’ve had quite the influence on me, which is amazing because I have dated hundreds of women and….”

Sirius cursed under his breath as he felt around under the table for the bouquet James had supposedly left for him. At her unimpressed glare, he cut himself off, stuttering as he backtracked, “no, like two, three, just other women. And, anyway…”

“Listen, you could not be more different, you know?” Y/N raised her eyebrows in confusion, tilting her head to try and catch a glimpse at what Sirius was looking for. “You’re practically one of the guys!”

“Excuse me?”

“No, wait, fuck. You’re obviously not a guy,” he groaned, “let me start again.”

“Go on then,” Sirius leaned on his elbow, smiling nervously at the deadpanned girl before him. He failed to notice how his elbow was slowly sliding off the smooth table until he was on the floor. He contemplated staying there until death came, but he figured it wouldn’t be fair to Y/N. However, it would make for a memorable date.

“I’m not myself tonight,” he muttered as he stood up, flowers in hand.

“Y/N!” he practically yelled, causing her to jump, “fuck, I’m sorry, that was loud. This is a disaster.” He groaned. Y/N’s silence was soon replaced by a snort which was followed by laughter. Sirius looked up at her, his downtrodden expression replaced with one of hope.

“No,” she said after her amused laughter subsided, “it’s cute.”

“Can I start over?” Sirius asked, “and we pretend that didn’t happen?”

“Yes,” Y/N agreed, “but only if you tell me who taught you to cook.”

Sirius smiled and sat down in front of her. The grey-eyed boy had kept his promise; it was the best first date she’d ever been on.

15 March 1975

"Étoile, please?" Y/N let out a sigh of annoyance through her nose and watched her shaggy-haired boyfriend as he followed her, her books in hand as if the action would sway her into agreeing with him. She only rolled her eyes and let him lead her to where his friends were, all of them leaning against a tree with bored looks on their faces.

"What do you want me to say to them?" She questioned with an annoyed tone. He only grinned in response and watched as she walked away, not before handing her bag to him.

"Hello, my dear Y/N/N, what can we help you with today?" James asked. She opened her mouth to respond before furrowing her eyebrows and holding a finger. She turned to look at her boyfriend and walked towards him; he only sent her an expecting smile.

"What was it that you wanted me to say to them again?" Sirius sighed.

"Curse you and your bloody brain. Tell them that 'Mister Black would like to apologise sincerely for the damage he has done," She rolled her eyes and walked back to the three boys once more. She repeated his words and waited for their response.

"Well, tell Mister Black that Mister Potter, Mister Lupin, and Mister Pettigrew have yet to forgive him," With a groan, she walked towards him and repeated their words.

"Tell Mister Potter, Mister Lupin, and Mister Pettigrew that Mister Black knows that he made a mistake and wishes to make things right," She rolled her eyes and did so. This continued for twenty more minutes before Y/N glared at the four boys.

"Enough! Miss Y/L/N would like to tell Mister Lupin, Mister Pettigrew, Mister Potter, and Mister Black that if they don't start acting their bloody age and makeup already, not only will she owl their parents, but she will hex them until they forgive one another? Is she understood?" They all grumbled in response but nodded in embarrassment. She smiled at them and walked towards her shaggy-haired boyfriend before pushing him towards the sitting boys and grabbing her bag and books from him.

"Makeup or I will hex you all," She left the group with a swift turn and walked towards the castle, peering behind her to see if they were talking. They weren't. She groaned in annoyance and walked towards them again.

"I don't think you took my threats seriously. James, I will show all the girls in our year your baby photos, the especially embarrassing ones. Peter, I will read all the love letters you’ve written to that seventh-year girl you've been fancying," Remus and Sirius chuckled, making her turn to glare at them.

"Sirius, I will make sure everyone single last one of your hookups and the whole school knows about the bet you had going on with the Prewett twins," he shut up promptly, Remus continued to laugh thinking that the witch had nothing on him. She narrowed her eyes on him and he shuffled under her glare.

"Do you think I have nothing on you, Lupin? I will show the whole school that picture of you from the New Years' party we had last year. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a paper to write," She looked at them with a smile before heading off one more time. She turned to look at them, they were finally talking. Now she could finally get Sirius to stop bothering her.

11 April 1975

She bit her lip as she knocked on the dorm room door. There was a shuffle on the other side before James stood in front of her. She could see how his jaw clenched; he was still mad at her. She opened her mouth to ask for her boyfriend, but he only shook his head. He didn't want to hear her. He turned and was soon replaced with Sirius who smiled softly at his girlfriend.

"Hi, étolie," he greeted leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek. She simply moved away from him slightly so that he was left hanging in the air. He furrowed his eyebrows and took her in. She was dressed in her regular school day outfit. Her pleated skirt with knee-high socks and a matching white shirt. She had taken off her tie and shoes, opting for a pair of black slippers. Her wand kept strands of hair from her face.

"I have to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me," she said. Sirius opened his mouth.

"What's going on, Y/N/N?"

"Just, promise me you'll be honest, please. You said you would be honest and truthful with me in the letters you wrote to me, right?" She asked. Sirius nodded at her and bit his lip. He was now leaning on the door frame of his dorm. Y/N could see James on his bed, fiddling with a snitch. Remus was reading a book, one she had loaned him. Peter was writing furiously with his quill, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah. What is it then?"

"It's about the letters," Sirius' breath caught in his throat, "did you truly write them?"

"Y/N, where is this coming from?"

"Sirius, it's a yes or no question. It's a simple question, and I expect an answer. You promised me you would be honest. Did you write these letters, Sirius?" She asked again. Sirius felt his heartbreak a little when he heard her call him Sirius. She would usually call him by a nickname. She would always call him by nickname.

"Please tell me you wrote these letters, Sirius," she begged. She sounded exhausted like she was tired of holding onto hope. She clutched said letters in her hands; he hadn't noticed. She clutched the envelopes as if they were made of rubbish.

"I can't tell you that, Y/N. I didn't write those letters," she inhaled, her eyes started to water. She bit her lip and nodded, wiping away the tears threatening to leave her eyes. They were unaware of the three sets of eyes on them. James, Remus, and Peter could hear them very clearly.

"Who wrote them?" she asked, her voice was unnervingly steady. James had told them that Y/N was very good at keeping her emotions at bay. At keeping herself level and unwavering despite the turmoil in her head and the pain in her heart. He had said that that was the worst part of their talk back in the fourth year–one they had had because James was a prick and she had gotten hurt. Sirius hadn't believed him. Y/N wore her heart on her sleeve, and he'd been friends with her for years to know that. He'd met her parents. Y/L/N’s expressed themselves, they had explosive emotions, they felt deeply. Now he believed him.

"Who wrote them, Sirius?" she demanded, her voice hard. Her eyes were now guarded behind a mask. He couldn't read her anymore. She had closed him off. He didn't know what she was feeling or thinking anymore. She was an open book to him, but now, she had closed the book. He was shut out. She had shut him out.

"Remus," he admitted.

"Remus?" she spluttered, stretching her head to look at the honey-eyed boy, betrayal painted on her face.

“No!” Remus shouted, “I didn’t help him, I swear. I wouldn’t do that, Y/N/N, you know that.”

“He wrote them,” Sirius started, “but they weren’t intended for you.”

“What?” her voice cracked, hurt dripping from the single word she uttered.

"It's not that big a deal—" she turned to him quickly, he swore she had gotten whiplash. She glared at him with the infamous ice-cold glare and familiar Y/L/N scowl.

"Don't you dare tell me it's not a big deal. I told you I would give you a chance if you promised to be honest with me. If you swore to do everything in your power to make it easy for me to trust you. Yet, you couldn't do that. The simplest thing is what you struggled the most with. You begged me to give a relationship a try, to give you a chance so you could show me you were different from what they said. That you were going to try," she said, angrily shoving the letters into his hands.

"Are you really mad over the fact that I didn't write you cheesy letters?" she scoffed at him.

"You are so daft! They were not just 'cheesy letters' to me, Sirius. They were the foundation of my trust for you. I believed every word written in those letters, I cherished them deeply, and I loved them. Not for the context, though it was a plus, but the idea that the boy I loved was expressing himself to me. Even though I knew it was hard for him. That he was going to be better. That he was going to try harder. That he was truly going to love me unconditionally. The words on those pages were just words I could read to remind myself of your willingness to try when I began to doubt our relationship. It was the basis of everything we built our relationship on. Those letters were what pushed me to give you a chance, to open my heart for you, to trust you. But clearly, that had been a lie," her voice cracked, "and you stole them from Remus? Why couldn't you just write them?"

"Because he's much better at words than I am. Godric, Y/N, I just wanted you to have words you'd cherish. I'm not good with emotions and love, especially not with writing them on parchment, so I stole Remus’. I wanted you to have better than what I could have possibly come up with,"

"You don't learn, do you? I wouldn't have cared if you sent me letters with one single sentence saying you liked my eyes or even broken fragments because then I'd know that that was truly you. That even though you struggled with it, that you were trying, and that's what mattered to me. That's what matters. But you had someone else write them for you, someone who wasn't you. Someone who wouldn't put his heart and soul in their words,"

They stood there. Y/N and Sirius were now aware of their friends gawking at them. Y/N’s friends stood in the corridor. Marlene and Lily were closest to her, ready to step in and take her away when needed. Sirius looked down at the letters in his hands and then at his girlfriend. She still had that same calm demeanour he hated. She looked normal, her eyes were still unreadable. The only telltale sign that she was mad was the scowl on her face. She was the first to break the silence.

"I'm done,"

"What—" he swallowed, "what do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm done trying, Sirius. I can't be in a relationship built on lies and mistrust. I tried too hard to ignore what everyone said about you. To ignore their warnings of your reputation. I realise now that I shouldn't have, that they were right. When I was with you, Sirius, I saw colours I never saw with anyone else, but now, all I see is blistering red. Goodbye, Sirius and enjoy your fabrications," she said before turning around and allowing Lily and Marlene to pull her away. Sirius watched as Marlene, Lily, Alice, Mary, and Dorcas shield Y/N from him after shooting him angry glares.

Remus was the one to pull him in. James sent him an angry look, and he adorned a scowl that rivalled Y/N’s.

"What the fuck, mate?" he seethed.

"You have no place to talk, James, you've hurt Y/N in the past, and you're doing it now. For Merlin's sake, the reason you’re angry at her is ridiculous. So she went to Hogsmeade with Lily, one of her best friends, and not you? She sees you every day! When are you going to learn that some things are more important?" Remus barked. James dropped his gaze in embarrassment and shame. He turned to Sirius.

"And you. When will you learn that Y/N is not as complicated as you make her out to be? She is a simple girl who wants nothing more than for her boyfriend to show her that he does, in fact, care about her and their relationship. You are honestly the biggest idiot in the world if you truly believe that Y/N was angry at you over some letters. She said it herself, they were a metaphor for the love you have for her. And don’t think I’m not absolutely miffed at you for stealing those letters from me.”

"Moony has a point," Peter spoke. Sirius and James hung their hands in shame. They had been reprimanded by Remus before, but his berating had never held as much anger and disgust as they did at that moment.

"I suggest you apologise to Y/N for being an absolute git," Remus said, pointing to James, who nodded at him.

"And you," he seethed, pointing at Sirius with murder in his eyes. It was no secret to anyone that Remus had grown fond of the Y/L/N girl. She had always been accepting and welcoming of him. She never asked him uncomfortable questions, and when she did, she would apologise and assure him that he didn't have to answer them. She had become like a sister to him and a close friend. She had been the first friend he made when they first arrived at Hogwarts.

"I don't even know if it's going to be at all possible for you to mend her broken trust, but you have to find some way to do it before she completely erases you from her life. And need I remind you, she was there for you when even we weren't. She cared about you so much that she couldn’t stand the thought of you not having anyone. You better fix this, Sirius, you better do you damndest to make things right with Y/N, even if she doesn't forgive you because she is the last person who deserves the pain,”

"Why don't you write her letters?" Peter suggested after long minutes of silence, "not Remus, not whoever, you. She said it herself, she wouldn't have cared if you wrote her simple sentences, just as long as they came from you,"

06 June 1975

Sirius clutched the envelope, ensuring the ink had dried and the seal kept the letter from potentially flying out. His fingers, covered in ink, rubbed his owl’s head as tenderly as possible. His nerves sent butterflies into his stomach at the thought of her rejecting him by sending back his letter unopened and unread. She would be wholly justified, but it would sting all the same.

“Get this to Y/N Y/L/N, please,” he whispered, “as carefully as you can.”

He watched as his owl flew off until it was a speck in the sky.

Y/N smiled at the familiar grey owl as it flew into her room. She hated how much the colour of the owl had her yearning for her ex-love; the owl was the same colour as his eyes. The gorgeous and cold grey that held mischief and the emotions he wouldn’t allow himself to feel. She missed him, she would admit it, but he had hurt her. Accepting the letter from the owl, she allowed it to rest on her desk and motioned for the small pile of bird feed.

Situating herself on the edge of her bed, she carefully opened the white envelope and let her eyes run across the ink.

To my brightest star,

I want to begin by apologising. What I did was unforgivable, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I will leave you alone if that is what you desire, but, and I know I am in no place to ask anything of you, I won’t do so until I have written every last word proclaiming my love for you. If you will let me, I will write you a letter every day until the end of time, because I will love you for that amount of time.

I have loved you through many moons, and I plan to love you for many more. I have never been the best when it came to love, but you showed me what it was meant to be. Your love is innocent. It is pure. And I have never met anyone quite like you. And I doubt I ever will.

You’ve shared with me Greek Mythology tales, and you told me that the story of Perseus was your favourite because he lives. He got the girl and lived a long life with her after a tough fight. You said you wanted that one day. To have lived through the tough battle and come out with the person you love the most. I hope that person is still me. Because you are still mine. You will always be the person I love most.

You’re my forever.

Yours until the end of time,

Sirius Black.

Despite the hurt Sirius had inflicted on her, she welcomed each letter. She would read them repeatedly, from the beginning of the days when the birds sang themselves awake to the final hours of the night when the only thing singing were the crickets. She treasured the words the same way she treasured the man behind them. With every piece of her body, she loved him.

3 November 1975

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Sirius! Happy birthday to you!” The students in the Gryffindor common room collectively sang. James had thrown his arm across his best mate's shoulder, swaying slightly with a bottle of Firewhiskey gripped in his hand. Remus stood on his other side, drinking from his cup of liquor. Sirius had been forbidden from drinking until midnight.

“The best way to bring in a new year, Pads, is with alcohol,” James had said.

“Shot! Shot! Shot!” their Hogwarts peers echoed, urging him to drink his first drink of the night. Sirius licked his lips before looking down at the clear glass in his hand, shrugging his shoulders before throwing his head back and allowing the burn to flow through his body. The party was in full swing as the clock struck midnight. It seemed as if everyone in Hogwarts was invited to his party. Bodies of students lined the walls of the golden room while others danced on the red carpet: everyone but her.

Sirius had been dragged into a game of beer pong by James against Remus and Marlene McKinnion when she walked in. He hadn’t noticed at first, too focused on the game at hand—even if he were looking for her, she would’ve gotten lost in the crowd—it had been Frank Longbottom who’d gotten his attention. His grey eyes followed the direction of Frank’s finger.

Standing in a gold dress with a red gift bag, she looked like an angel right out of heaven. He wondered if her outfit colour and the colour of the gift bag had been intentional. He sauntered over to her, apologising distractedly to James, who rolled his eyes and called over Frank and heaved a breath to steel his nerves.

“Hi,” he shouted over the bass of a Queen song. She looked at him; lips rolled over each other before they stretched into a shy red painted smile.

“Hi,” she greeted back, her fingers fiddling with the strings of the bag before she handed it over, “happy birthday.”

“Thank you, love,” heat rushed to her cheeks at the pet name, missing it more than she anticipated.

“Can I talk-can we talk?” she breathed out, “please?”

If Sirius hadn’t been focused solely on her, he would’ve missed her words. But she was all he ever focused on. She had all his attention. She always did. Sirius nodded and followed her out of the crowded room, leaving his own party. She pulled him away from prying eyes and listening ears into a secluded corner not far from the portrait.

“I’m a prideful person,” she exhaled shakily, sparkling eyes trained on the ground, “I always have been. It’s my fatal flaw—my hubris. People have told me that the truth will be the only way to rid me of that. And my truth is that I love you. And it hurt when I found out it wasn’t you pouring your heart out in those letters, but it hurt, even more, to walk away from you.”

Her eyes glazed over with tears as she uncharacteristically shuffled her feet. Sirius wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her, but he refrained, allowing her to continue. “You are the man of my dreams. I think of you constantly. I dreamt of a future with you. But I can’t be in a relationship built on fabrications, and I won’t date someone who lies to me. I want you, Sirius, I do, but I need to be sure you’ll be a hundred per cent honest with me even when the truth hurts—especially then. Promise me you’ll try.”

“Y/N,” he sighed, pulling her into his chest and cradling her head, “I will spend a lifetime atoning for all the wrong I’ve done to you, and even then, that won’t be enough time. I love you, and I promise to do right by you. You want a hundred per cent? I’ll give you a thousand. You’re it for me, Y/N. You’re my forever.”

And it had been the best birthday Sirius had ever had. All thanks to a lovely witch dressed in a golden dress and a red gift bag.

11 December-16 December 1977

Excited chatter filled the great hall following Dumbledore’s announcement. Sirius made eye contact with Y/N, both coming to an agreement. They’d be each other’s dates. It was inevitable, of course, they were together after all. They didn’t have to worry about searching for a date to the holiday ball Hogwarts was holding.

Of course, with Sirius, things could never be done simply. His throat-clearing had caught the attention of every student enjoying their dinner, and the act of him getting on the table got that of the professors. From the corner of her eye, Y/N could see McGonagall facepalming with a shake of her head.

“Could I have your attention?” Sirius’ voice pompously danced through the silence, “thank you.”

“Get on with it, you git!” James called from where he was sitting. Sirius kicked him with a wide grin.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” at the sound of her name leaving his lips, Y/N groaned and hid her face in her hands, “the most dazzling woman to ever grace the earth and the boring halls of Hogwarts, will you make me the happiest man in the world and accompany to the ball?”

“Whaddya say, Y/L/N?” the unmistakable voice of Remus Lupin had her glaring at the boy for allowing Sirius’ actions to continue. Merlin, Remus was a prefect, and James was bloody head boy, yet they didn't act like it.

“Yeah, Y/L/N?” Sirius prodded, “And remember, we’re dating. You can’t really say no.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “no.” Sirius gasped in faux offence before falling dramatically into James’ awaiting arms. She watched as Sirius ‘cried’ and James and Remus comforted him. All she wanted was a normal boyfriend.

“Are we still going together, étoile?” Sirius asked timidly one night after his stunt in the great hall. Y/N paused in her walk and turned to look at her boyfriend, head tilted in confusion.

“Yes,” she confirmed, “why wouldn’t we be going together?”

Sirius shrugged and looped his arm around hers, pulling her closer, “I don’t know, I figured after that stunt you’d want to go with someone else. Like James’ girlfriend or Remus’, you’re awfully chummy with them.”

“Sirius, I’ve dated you long enough to know you’re prone to dramatics. I was expecting something embarrassing from you, and you certainly delivered, but that’s never enough to deter me from being your date. You’re my forever, remember?”

“Okay, good,” he muttered, “just making sure.”

Y/N smoothed the fabric of her dress down, feeling the mini crystals on her fingers. She blew out a breath and peered around the corner, searching for Sirius. James’ girlfriend sent her an encouraging smile while Remus’ sent her two thumbs up. She nodded slightly and closed her eyes before stepping onto the steps. James noticed her first, his grin widening at her sight before he nudged Sirius, who was busy talking to Remus. His grey eyes moved from James to his girlfriend. The feeling of heat and comfort enveloped him as she locked eyes. Ease settled into his bones as he held his hand out for her, and tranquillity found home the second her palm touched his.

“You are a dream come true, ma belle étoile,” he whispered.

“You keep saying things like that, Sirius Black, and I might just fall in love with you,” she said through her flush. He chuckled and looked down at her with gleaming eyes.

“That’s the plan,” looping his arm with hers, he motioned towards the great hall door, “shall we, my lady?”

“We shall,” she confirmed.

The tables that adorned the dining room had been charmed away or transfigured into any object they could use. The professor’s table had been turned into a drinks table and pushed against a wall. The ceiling had been magicked to snow. Christmas lights lined every corner of the room, and mistletoes had been sprung haphazardly around the room. Y/N stifled a giggle as she watched James chase his soulmate around with a sprig of the plant.

“Marry me,” Sirius muttered into her hair. The night had calmed down. The younger students, fourth-year and down, had been sent to their common rooms, leaving only the older years alone in the space. Slow music played and had pulled couples onto the dance floor to sway. Sirius and Y/N hadn’t been an exception. She had been lost in the music that Sirius decided to utter the words he’d never thought he would speak.

He watched her, falling more in love with every step they took. Her head rested comfortably on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, and her eyes were closed as she took in the music. She had let him lead the dance. She merely followed. Because it reminded her of his eyes, the grey dress she had chosen fit her perfectly and illuminated her in a way Sirius had only seen the sun do to people. Her radiance didn’t blind. It was a simple and forgotten beauty. It was like the moon. He was enamoured, and he didn’t want to lose another moment with her.

“What?” she breathed out in shock, looking up at him.

“Let’s get married,” he repeated, “I want to marry you. I want to spend my lifetime, and then some, with you, Y/N. I don’t want anyone else.”

She breathed out a laugh before looking up at the falling snow. Maybe it was the way the white of the decorations bounced off his eyes and made them seem lighter. Or the way his heart seemed to thump in a steady beat, with the occasional skip. Or maybe it was the way he was staring down at her with a broad smile and adoration in his voice. Whatever it was, it drove her to say:

“Yes. Let’s get married,”

18 December 1977

It took Sirius years to grasp the concept of being loved. His family had been rather persistent in instilling the idea of him being unworthy of love, but it had taken a special person to undo that. Y/N Y/L/N bulldozed into his life unforgivingly. She had taken residence in his heart, planted her roots, and refused to leave. Years chasing the thrill of sleeping around and using his body to feel relief were long gone, and it was because of her. And he, for one, couldn’t have been more grateful.

Sirius stood in front of the Black Lake, the moonlight reflecting off the movement of the waves and casting a silver light into the depths. It seemed like the stars sparkled extra bright, perhaps it was the occasion. The wind blew the perfect amount of breeze between his hair and did a good job calming him down. He was nervous. He could feel himself sweating through his dress shirt but thank Godric for glamour charms. He was about to marry the love of his life.

The sound of the leaves crunching caught his attention. He turned around and smiled softly at the sight of his future bride walking towards him. She had donned an ivory lace dress and a hypnotising smile on her face. It was brighter than the moon, and all the stars combined seemed to light up the path far better than the celestial bodies could.

He reached her with extended hands, “étoile, tu es belle.”

She smiled, “et tu as l’air beau.”

He brought her left land to his lips and kissed it softly, “are you ready, mon cœur?”

She hesitated, and Sirius felt nothing but dread, “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited some people.”

“Godric, love, don’t scare me like that. I thought you didn’t want to do this anymore,” she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Don’t be daft. You get dumber every time we talk,” she reprimanded, “If I didn’t want to marry you, I wouldn’t be here.”

The sound of whooping cut off his chance to reply. He turned his attention towards the direction of the castle. His friends were walking towards them, all wearing identical excited grins and holding a bottle of Firewhiskey.

“You didn’t think we’d let you get married without us, did you, Pads?” James jested as he drew closer. The sparkle in his eyes told Sirius he was just as excited as he was.

“‘Course not,” Sirius chortled and threw an arm around James and Remus, “I need my best men.”

“And I need a maid of honour,” Y/N whispered, gazing into Marlene’s. Marlene’s blue eyes widened at her best friend’s insinuation.

“Me?” she asked, pointing to herself. Y/N laughed and pulled her in for a hug, nodding her head.

“Lily, I hope you don’t mind,” Y/N started. Lily started to deny being offended but was cut off as Y/N continued, “it wouldn’t be in the best interest to have my maid of honour be my officiant as well.”

“Me?” Lily repeated Marlene’s question. Y/N and Sirius shared a look and nodded their heads. “Alright then. Let’s get you two married!”

While everyone knew they wouldn’t actually be marrying one another–Lily wasn’t an actual officiant, and they hadn’t signed a marriage license–it was nice to treat it as a real wedding. Their friends decorated the area around the Black Lake until it was wedding-ready. Spells conjuring up chairs, flowers, and a wedding arch were thrown around. Y/N had been dragged away from her husband to be by the girls while the boys had taken to decorating. Mary MacDonald had run up to the castle searching for her stereo, having been tasked with the music. It wasn’t long until her cue was called.

Lily had walked first, taking note of the variety of white flowers that made up the aisle. Alice followed after, arm linked with Frank. Remus was paired with Dorcas. And James and Marlene followed last, making way for the bride. James’ girlfriend had conjured up bouquets and boutonnières for the ensemble. Y/N inhaled and stepped out into the aisle. Her eyes danced around the decor, taking note of the lace on the chairs and the flowers dotting the petaled aisle. The arch of pinks, reds, and whites allowed her eyes to settle on her fiance.

Fabian Prewett pressed the play button, allowing an instrumental version of Carole King’s Will You Love Me Tomorrow? to play. Y/N smiled at Sirius. Their eyes unwavering and full of love. Sirius wiped away a tear, chuckling as James nudged him. Reaching the end of the aisle, Y/N extended her hands out to Sirius, grasping them and smiling at Lily, who cleared her throat.

"Okay, um, you can sit, everyone. Wow. Well, we are gathered here today before Wizarding law and nature to join Sirius Black and Y/N Y/L/N in Matrimony,"

"Nice job, Evans," Sirius whispered. Y/N chuckled and swatted him.

"Thank you," Lily responded.

"Now, some of you may be wondering where the word "matrimony" comes from. Well, interestingly enough, the word "matrimony" is from the Latin root word for "motherhood," which I think is really appropriate today. Well, the thing is that, uh, every, um ... Rose has its thorn. And thorns hurt, you know?" Lily stuttered. Everyone watched, confused.

"Lil, you okay?" Y/N whispered. Lily nodded, shoving her hands into her bag, pulling out a piece of parchment paper.

"Okay. Oh, wait a minute. Ohh, uh, "Y/N Y/L/N will become Y/N Black". Sirius wrote this in our first year. I remember him talking about her constantly and not just talking. Singing, dreaming, sleep-talking, writing about her. Everything. Without even talking to her. And, finally, in our third year, after multiple failed attempts, Sirius actually gathered up his courage and talked to Y/N for the first time, right over here by this lake…and she was a bitch. He ran into me after, screaming, "Lily, I finally talked to her!". And when I asked him if the fantasy was finally over, if he could finally admit that Y/N Y/L/N was human after all. He said, "No. Y/N Y/L/N is not human. She's an angel. And she's my angel."

"I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight. I believe love conquers all. And that doesn't mean there's not going to be hard days or difficult things to deal with because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that person loves you back. It just makes everything so much easier. ‘Y/N Y/L/N will become Y/N Black’. That was the dream. And here we are, some years and break-ups later, and we all get to witness a dream come true today. Sirius?"

Sirius cleared his throat, "Y/N, you are the brightest star in any constellation. You are the brightest star, easily seen as that by everyone. But to me, you are the brightest, most beautiful, sweetest girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and eventually, loving. From the moment you hexed me, I knew I wanted to love you. Our relationship has been tumultuous, but I will do everything in my power to fight the world for you from here on out. This ring and these words are simply a way to show the rest of the world what has been in my heart for as long as I've known you. I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. I always have, and I always will. You are my forever."

Y/N smiled tearfully at him, mouthing a quick 'I love you.' She cleared her throat, "Sirius Black ... We've been through so much together. And despite how confused I've been or lost I might have gotten, there was always you finding me and saving me. You deserve to be adored, so that's what I'm going to do. I am going to adore you for years to come. I can’t wait to build a future with you. I am so terribly in love with you. And I always will be. You said that you would fight the world for me, darling. I will stand beside you, protecting you. You are a dream come true. You are the brightest star. You are my forever."

Lily giggled and wiped her eyes, thanking James quietly as he passed her a handkerchief, "well, by the power vested in me by Y/N and Sirius, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Sirius Black, you may kiss the bride."

"Finally," Sirius breathed, tugging her into him and placing their lips together. The Prewett twins let out sparks from their wands while her dorm mates threw petals into the sky. Dorcas Meadowes captured the image before her, camera clicking and flashing in the night.

05 June 1978

“No more carefree laughter,” James sang, his wand being used as a microphone as he jumped from couch to couch in the common room.

“Silence, ever after,” Remus continued, equal in his dramatics, taking his girlfriend’s hands and contorting his face into one of sadness.

“Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes,” Peter tumbled over the fallen pillows, eyes closed.

“Here is where the story ends, this is goodbye,” Sirius finished, sorrowful eyes planted on his girlfriend. Y/N made eye contact with James’ girlfriend, and from the look on her face, she knew the Ravenclaw was cursing the wizarding world for making him her soulmate. Remus’ girlfriend was currently threatening to burn the letters he had sent. Y/N shook her head at Sirius as he drew closer to her, a cheeky grin on his face.

“Memories,” James crooned, “good days, bad days.”

“They’ll be with me, always,” Peter sang.

“In these old familiar rooms, children will play,” Remus and Sirius continued, both sobbing in exaggeration as they finished.

“Now there’s only emptiness, nothing to say,” Y/N looked at Marlene in confusion as she jumped into the singing.

Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba had been cut off abruptly before the sound of a throat clearing caught their attention. The small group turned around slowly, grimacing collectively as they met McGonagall’s unamused expression.

“Minnie!” Sirius greeted. He glared at his girlfriend as he rubbed the sore spot on his ribs where she’d elbowed him.

“Mister Black,” she greeted, “ladies, gentlemen, shouldn’t you be in the Great Hall? They’re waiting for you.”

“We’re on our way, Professor,” James’ girlfriend reassured. McGonagall’s eyes narrowed on the Ravenclaw, brows drawn in confusion.

“Why is the Head Girl getting into mischief?” McGonagall asked, causing her to shrink into herself although they all saw the sparkle in her bespeckled eyes, “I expected more from my granddaughter.”

“Sorry, nana,” the affronted girl muttered, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Never mind that now. You all need to get down to the Great Hall, now. I will escort you lot down,” she stated, eyes flickering from James to Sirius, “to ensure no one gets lost.”

James snickered and took his girlfriend’s hand, following the professor out of the common room. McGonagall motioned for them to get into their places in line. James and his girlfriend took the front as Head boy and girl with the house prefects lined up behind them. At McGonagall’s subtle nod, the send-off ceremony commenced.

“Black, Sirius Orion,” was called first. Sirius smiled cockily as he crossed the platform.

“Evans, Lily Jasmine,” Lily, with her signature style of grace, smiled at her parents.

“Fortescue, Alice Laurel,” was followed by “Longbottom, Frank Neville.”

Dorcas Meadowes’ name was called, followed by Marlene McKinnion’s. Which then led the way for,

“Lupin, Remus John,” and “Potter, Fleamont James.”

Until finally, “Y/L/N, Y/N Y/M/N.”

Y/N walked across the platform, the feeling of deja vu striking her as she did. She remembered walking the same path the first time she stepped foot in Hogwarts. It was on her way to the Sorting Hat. She was placed in a house full of people who shared the same qualities and would sleep in the same dorms for seven years. And she had done that. Now she was walking across the threshold for the last time as a student. Seven years had gone by the blink of an eye, and those seven years had been wonderfully kind to her.

“That was your graduating class of 1978,” Dumbledore announced, “departing alums if you would so kindly raise your wands and release your celebratory sparks, please.”

Hundreds of colourful sparks lit up the enchanted ceiling of Hogwarts’ dining hall. Flashes of green and silver from the Slytherins, reds and golds from the Gryffindors, bronze and blues from the Ravenclaws, and yellows and blacks from the Hufflepuffs. It was a sight to behold, and it made Y/N teary-eyed. She locked eyes with Sirius. Despite the war raging beyond the protective walls of Hogwarts and the threat of death looming over them, she knew she would be okay. Because Sirius had promised her forever.

31 October 1981

It was meant to be a festive day. Halloween was always Sirius’ favourite holiday—the aspect of becoming someone else for a night just to thrill always excited Sirius. He had dragged Y/N into his celebrations during their Hogwarts days and she hadn’t been able to escape them. That’s how she found herself dressed as Cher with Sirius as Sonny. While their small village in York had put up minimal decorations, they’d gone above and beyond in decorating their safe house. Colours of orange, yellows, and blacks flooded the small cottage. Y/N knew Sirius had gone overboard with his decorating, but she hadn’t had the heart to tell him to stop. Not with the war going on before them and the two unable to do anything to help.

Like the Potters, Sirius and Y/N had been forced into hiding. Sirius was chosen as the family’s secret keeper, but despite being willing to die for James, he thought it too obvious and nominated Y/N instead. Y/N had accepted the title as their secret keeper, like Sirius, ready to sacrifice her life for the life of her best mates and her beloved godson. But because of her role, she had been forced into hiding by the Order. They were going to great lengths to protect the Potters and, by extension, the Blacks.

“Sirius, love,” Y/N called, “come sit. I don’t think there are any more kids out there. It’s quarter past eleven; it’s too late.”

“I just want to make sure there aren’t any stragglers,” Sirius called back, eyes peeking through the window.

“Sirius,” Y/N whispered in his ear, “come watch a film with me. There aren’t any more children out.”

“I miss them,” Sirius said. Y/N smiled sadly and placed a kiss on his temple.

“I know, my love, I miss them too, but we’ll see them within the week. James’ been dying to show us the new trick Harry’s learned.”

Sirius leaned into her touch and allowed her to pull him towards the couch, “what film are we watching?”

“I was thinking–” she was cut off by the screech of an Order owl; it dropped a letter on the coffee table before it went out of the open window.

‘The Potters have been killed,’ it read. Time seemed to stop, the blinking lights of the VCR getting lost and the idea of watching a film forgotten. Sirius looked at Y/N, shock and mild betrayal painted on his face. Y/N’s heart dropped, and she moved to grab her wand. Sirius leapt out from his place and held it before she could reach it.

“You stay here,” he gritted out. She flinched back, eyes widening at the venom coating his words and the disdain on his face. “You don’t get to see them. Not when it’s your fault they’re dead.”

Y/N’s face twisted in bewilderment, “what? No! I’m–”

“I don’t care,” he barked, “I don’t want to see you when I get back.”

Y/N’s eyes filled with tears at his words. She could not let this be the end of them. “Sirius, please listen to me. I didn’t do this. It was Peter.”

“Do you honestly think that I believe you? That I would, for one second, believe that Peter would betray his friends like that,” He spat out, “you killed my brother, and I want nothing to do with you.”

She opened her mouth in shock. His distrust in her hurt more than his words. Staring down at the simple gold band he had given her as a wedding ring, she slid it off and forced it in his hand, “I thought you said I was your forever. You promised me forever.” It was a last resort—her last attempt at getting him to listen to her. He cherished the ring and the person he’d given it to more than life itself.

She watched as Sirius stopped moving and looked down at his ring before he was slipping it off and throwing it behind him, eyes embedded with hatred, “forever ended the day you betrayed my family.”

His words were the final nail on the coffin, and in it laid a relationship that had withstood the test of time. Years of love and adoration were tossed out carelessly by the callous words of the man she loved. Letting out a choked sob, she paced around the room, looking for the rings Sirius had thrown. Rushing through the halls of the house, she threw her belongings into bags as fast as she could. She knew she missed some of her things, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Not when the only thing on her mind were the words he’d spoken and the look of absolute hatred he’d given her.

With a final longing look, she gripped her wand and the picture she’d stolen from the walls of the home that would never be hers. She disappeared.

05 November 1993

She hadn’t expected anyone to find her. She’d been living alone in a flat in New York City for twelve years. She had her friends in the States, but she kept her distance–never getting too close. That was a luxury she couldn’t afford. Y/N had lost too many people before, and she wasn’t looking to lose more. She had found comfort in being alone, watching as people from all walks of life passed by in their colourful clothing. A big city with thousands of people, and she felt isolated.

When the familiar pecking of an owl’s beak broke her trance on the stack of papers in front of her, she’d ignored it. No one knew her well enough to send her mail, nor did she think anyone would want to reach her. She brushed it off as a figment of her imagination. It wasn’t until it let out an angry screech that Y/N looked towards the window, tired eyes widening at the sight of the familiar owl. Letting it in, she hesitantly brought her hand to rub its head. It nuzzled into her palm, a feeling of nostalgia striking her.

“Hello, Mercury,” she whispered to the old grey owl. It hooted at her. Leaving the owl on the stack of papers it had perched on, she rummaged for treats in her kitchen. She prolonged going back to the letter the owl had dropped on her table, not wanting to read it and have her heart break into more pieces. She had finally accepted the solitude and the harsh reality of her life. It wasn’t fair of him to undo all the hard work she had put into feeling whole again.

“Here you go, buddy,” she cooed, placing a small bowl in front of the grey owl, “you must be tired, flying over the Atlantic must’ve been draining.”

Mercury ignored her in favour of the bowl of food, and Y/N took that as a sign to open the letter he had tirelessly carried over the ocean to deliver. On it, a familiar scrawl had her heart beating incessantly.

Come to Hogwarts. Harry is in danger.

Remus J. Lupin

She huffed out a breath. She had been naive to think Sirius would send her letters. It was ingenious of Remus to use Sirius’ owl to get to her, she most likely would have thrown out the letter if it had come from another. Without thinking, she grabbed her wand and summoned her bag. She looked around her flat, her eyes landing on the moving image on her wall. The Potters smiled at her, grabbing Harry’s hand to wave at the camera, while Sirius and Y/N stood beside them, hands intertwined and grins of love painted on their faces.

“You’re more than welcome to stay here until you’re feeling better, Mercury,” Y/N assured the owl before turning and walking out the door. She rushed out into the street and into the corner with an apparition point. With her heart set on Hogwarts, Y/N felt her body being pulled in thousands of directions before she landed on the cobblestones of Hogsmeade. The Hogwarts castle that gave her a home for seven years stood proud in front of her.

Desperate eyes looked around frantically, hoping to catch a glimpse of her former friend and anyone he might have been accompanied by. Following the sounds of screaming, she turned her attention towards the Shrieking Shack. During her Hogwarts days, she’d learned why the students had given it the rumour of being haunted. It was a secret she would take to her grave. Just as she would have taken the secret of the Potters’ whereabouts twelve years ago.

She crept slowly through the open door, watching from a distance as Remus and her former love confronted Peter. Her eyes burned with tears, her mind running with the image of a venomous Sirius shattering her world. Flashbacks of the night her life had been ruined on instant reply at the sight of the man who caused it all: her friend, their friend, Peter Pettigrew.

“She betrayed my parents! She sold them out to Voldemort! After all you said about her while I was growing up, you have the nerve to stand here, defending her.” Harry yelled. Y/N held back a gasp. He was the mirror image of his father. His words echoed in her head. After all you said about her. Harry didn’t grow up knowing her as Aunt Y/N, his parents’ best friend and his loving godmother. He grew up believing she was the traitor responsible for his parent's death, all because of Sirius.

“She wasn’t there!” Sirius shouted, snapping her out of her trance.

“Someone else betrayed your parents, Harry. Someone else in this room right now. Someone who, until quite recently, I believed to be dead,” Remus said.

“He’s as good as dead,” Sirius muttered. Regret flashed through his body as the image of his beloved looking at him with broken eyes crept up again. An image that hadn’t left his mind since learning the truth.

“What’re you talking about? There’s nobody here.”

“Oh yes, there is,” Sirius trailed off, eyes moving across the room. Y/N held her breath, hoping he wouldn’t notice her presence. She let it out as Sirius turned to the red-head beside Harry, eyes locking on him. From her place, she could see the boy’s horrified expression.

“Come out, come out, Peter,” Sirius sang, “come out, come out, and play.”

“You’re mad,” the redhead cursed, drawing back from Sirius. Sirius and Remus raised their wands, aiming them at what she knew was Peter’s animagus form.

“Expelliarmus!” Y/N cursed at the sight of Snape. The spell had sent their wands flying, far from where they were but close to her.

“Ah, Snivellus, still putting your bloody nose into things that don’t concern you,” Sirius tutted, clicking his tongue in mock disapproval.

“When I heard you were planning on bringing that traitor back, I knew I had to be the one to stop you,” Severus drawled. Y/N rolled her eyes, but that didn’t erase the pounding in her chest.

“Give us our wands back. Remus and I have a bit of unfinished business to tend to,” Sirius demanded, growing more annoyed each second ticked by. The faster the rat before him was brought to justice, the sooner he could find his lover and begin to make amends. Y/N held her breath as Sirius took small steps towards Severus until he was in front of him. Snape’s actions were quick, and in the blink of an eye, Snape held his wand to Sirius’ throat.

“Give me a reason. I beg you.” Severus threatened. Sirius clenched his jaw. Y/N closed her eyes, begging every higher power that Snape wasn’t as trigger happy as he was in their Hogwarts days.

“Don’t be a fool, Severus!” Remus exclaimed, annoyance in his tone. Sirius cracked a smile.

“He can’t help it. It’s habit by now,” Remus glared at Sirius.

“Quiet, Sirius!” Y/N chuckled under her breath at the two of them.

“Listen to you two, quarrelling like an old married couple. Except, it’s meant to be you and Y/N, right, Sirius? The fool and the traitor.”

“Piss off,” Sirius growled. Snape merely chuckled and pushed Sirius towards the door of the Shrieking Shack.

“Witty as ever I see. Tell me, will you be so irreverent when I turn you over to the Dementors? Do I detect a flicker of fear? One can only imagine what it must be like to endure the Dementor's Kiss. It's said to be unbearable to witness. But I'll do my best. Aiding a traitor and leader of Voldemort bears a price, Sirius.” Snape tsk’d. “After you.”

Siris had no choice but to move towards the door, body trapped in by Snape’s. Remus followed after them, hoping Snape would leave them alone. The wand was still lodged on Sirius’ throat, and Y/N knew she couldn’t let Snape turn Sirius over to the Aurors. Then Harry would be left without a father figure and one of the last connections to his parents. In an instant, her wand was in her hand, and a spell left her lips.

“Stupefy,” she called, sending Snape back and colliding with a wall with a hard hit. The group before her turned to look at her in shock. A flash of something Y/N couldn’t distinguish flashed through Sirius’ eyes: was it guilt? Remorse? She didn’t stare long enough to deduce it.

“You said Peter before,” Harry interrupted, drawing attention to him, “Peter who?”

“Pettigrew,” Y/N answered, “He was at school with us, we thought he was a friend.”

“No,” Harry denied, “Pettigrew’s dead, and it was her fault.”

Harry pointed at Y/N, who looked at him, sadness on her face. Remus cut the silence, “I thought so, too. Until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the map.”

“Then the map was lying,” Harry started, only to be cut off by Sirius. Y/N had made it a point to ignore his lingering gazes and kept her gaze on the scene before her.

“The map never lies. Pettigrew’s alive, and he’s right there.” Sirius pointed at the ginger sitting beside Harry. Said boy looked at Sirius, affronted.

“Me? You’re crazy,”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “not you, you idiot. Your rat.”

“Scabbers?” the boy spluttered, “Scabbers has been in my family for–”

“Twelve years,” Y/N cut in.

“A rather long life for a common garden rat. He’s missing a toe, isn’t he?” Sirius cut in.

“Yeah, so what?”

“All they could find of Pettigrew was his–” Harry muttered.

“Finger. That coward cut it off so everyone would think he lost it defending those muggles, he’d been the one killing them. He faked his death and transformed into a rat.”

“Show me,” Harry begged. Y/N could hear James in his voice–always giving people the benefit of the doubt and believing in nothing if not hope. She missed Remus and Sirius, causing Peter to shift back into a human, too lost in the could have been’s to realise the man responsible for taking her desired life stood before her.

“S–Sirius. R–Remus. Y–Y/YN. My old friends,” Y/N, looked at him with disgust.

Watching everything in front of her, Y/N felt like a spectator. As if she was watching from somewhere other than her body. Harry and his friends paid her no mind as they focused on Remus and Sirius arguing with Peter. It wasn’t until Peter’s beady eyes turned to her.

“I didn't mean to! The Dark Lord, you have no idea the weapons he possesses! Ask yourself what you would have done, Y/N. What would you have done?” Y/N ripped her arm from Peter’s, glaring at him with disdain.

“Died. I would have rather died than betrayed my friends,” she confessed, “I would have taken that secret to the grave, and I was ready to.”

Peter turned from her to plead with his former owner, begging him to save him from the inevitable. But really, what could a thirteen-year-old do? It was by Harry’s conscience that Peter hadn’t been killed. He would face a fate worse than death. The Dementors wouldn’t have the same regard for life that Harry did. Y/N felt it wasn’t enough. Peter deserved to be tortured for all the pain he caused a slow and painful death that would end only twelve years later. Twelve years for all the years she was forced to spend alone.

Sirius turned to look at her, appreciating the way she had aged. Time had been kind to her. However, the permanent frown on her face was new, and the blank stare in her eyes was haunting. She was still as stunning as the day he married her. Trying his luck, he grabbed hold of her jumper sleeve and kept her back. He ignored the way her jaw ticked in resentment and opened his mouth.

“Hello, darling,” Y/N glared at him, turning from him to discreetly wipe away the tears forming at her waterline.

“You don’t have the right to call me that anymore, Sirius,” she said, “not after what you did.”

“I’m–”

“You were the first to believe that I would betray my best friends. It wasn't me, and I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen! You kicked me out and told me you never wanted to see me again!”

“So you just fled?”

“Yes! I had to. I wasn't going to wait around until the truth came out–until you decided you were ready to listen to your ‘wife,’” she paused, “I preferred being alone and not seeing you to feeling alone with you by my side.”

“I’m sorry,” he said mournfully, “I just couldn’t believe that Peter would do such a thing,”

“But you believed that I could?” she asked tearfully, “They were my family, too.”

“Dumbledore said-”

“I don’t care what Dumbledore said! He ruined my life! I missed 12 years of my godson's life because of him! Because of you! I left my home, my friends. The love of my life. And that’s time I will never get back!” tears fell from her eyes, clouding her eyes. Sirius’ eyes matched hers. His grey eyes stormed as the weight of her words settled on his heart.

“Y/N—” he took a step towards her and felt his heart drop when he saw her take a step back, “I’m sorry.” It was the only thing he could say.

“I’m sorry, too, Sirius. I can’t forgive you. Not for this. This wasn’t a meaningless prank, this was my life,” she shook her head and moved backwards, stumbling into warm arms that smelt of chocolate. She moved out of them and looked at Sirius.

“I thought you, of all people, would believe me. That you would listen to me, but I guess I didn’t know my forever as well as I thought I did.” She spat the word out as if it hurt to have it in her mouth. Like she wanted to rid it from her vocabulary and never utter it again.

“Y/N, please. Please don’t walk away–just listen to me,”

For the last time, she turned away—his words ringing in her head, venomous and full of spite.

“You told me you never want to see me again, Sirius,” she spit, “I’m just doing what you asked.”

When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside.

[rosewaves06]

☆ - Jealousy - ☆

--- Lilyrosekiller Microfic ---

(words: 1,021)

“What are you doing?” Evan questions, casually sliding up next to where Barty is leaning against a wall in the Gryffindor common room. Barty hums lowly as he sips his drink. Evan watches him closely, leaning right near him. They’re standing around during a house party after Gryffindor won against Hufflepuff in the last Quidditch match.

The only reason Evan and Barty are there is because of Regulus and Lily. Regulus being their bestfriend and dorm-mate, as well as brothers with someone on the Quidditch team, and Lily. Their girlfriend, who is in the Gryffindor house and their Quidditch team’s seeker. Evan had convinced her to join when she voiced an interest, it also gets her to stop overworking herself with school work when she has something else to focus on. Evan personally is a beater on the Slytherin team, where as Barty ‘Isn’t a sports guy.’

Speaking of, Evan is watching his boyfriend as he’s sending a glare across the room. Evan looks at him, the outfit he’s wearing fits him well, as usual. A nice black sleeveless shirt with black jeans. The shirt shows off his tattoos nicely, and the smudged eyeshadow and eyeliner makes him look amazing. Most people think he’s just effortlessly attractive, which is how he presents himself, but Evan and Lily were laying on his bed earlier while he was applying a face mask and styling his hair. Evan honestly finds those moments more attractive than once Barty is actually done getting ready, but he won’t voice that. He knows Lily agrees.

He decides to finally see what Barty is pouting about, following his gaze to see Lily, leaned against a table while she laughs, talking to a James Potter, a drink in her hand. She’s wearing a nice red dress that makes her hair look even more vibrant. She looks dazzling, as per usual. Evan glances over to James, and realises why Barty is glaring over there in the first place. James seems to be incredibly engaged in the conversation they’re having, and so does Lily. Oh, Barty is jealous.

“Is that Potter?” Evan whisper, leaning more towards Barty. He looks to Evan and sighs slowly, slumping against the wall.

“Yeah, the bastard.” Barty speak through gritted teeth, jealousy seeping out of him.

“Wonder what they’re talking about.” Evan wonders aloud, squinting his eyes at the two of them. Barty hums in agreement. “Why don’t we just…go over there.” Evan suggests, he looks over to Barty who pouts at him. “What?”

“Going over there would require me to talk to people.” Evan laughs a little. Barty’s having one of his moments that reminds Evan that he really isn’t as extroverted as he seems. He usually talks to other students all the time, but it’s mostly fake. Another coat of makeup, if you will. Evan brushes a piece of brunette hair away from Barty’s face and behind his ear. He brushes his thumb across Barty’s face.

“You’ve got this,” Evan speaks lowly, getting closer to Barty’s face, disregarding the small amount of height he has on him. “Wouldn’t want James to continue to talk up Miss Evans, do we?” Barty huffs.

“He should keep his stupid Bambi eyes off of our lady,” Barty mumbles.

“You should let him know his place,” If Evan is to be honest, he really doesn’t care that much about James talking to Lily, but he absolutely loves to see Barty riled up. Barty looks to Evan and sighs.

“Come with me, Rosie?” Evan grins, he wouldn’t miss this for the world. Barty copies his grin and stands up straight, walking over to where Lily and James are chatting casually. Evan follows.

“Oh he would—” James starts to say, getting cut off as Barty slings an arm over Lily’s shoulder. Evan leans against the table next to them, on the other side of Lily. Evan looks over to Barty as he starts to speak.

“Well hello, funny seeing you here.” Barty says smoothly, looking to James who looks confused. Evan wants to laugh at his face, the poor guy.

“This is, my common room.” James answers a bit slowly. Lily looks over to Evan who winks at her, she huffs a small laugh and places her hand on Barty’s.

“Barty, darling.” Lily starts. “Is their something you needed?” Barty laughs a bit, looking down at Lily who looks up at him with her eyebrows raised. James, still looks confused. Evan is grinning in amusement.

“Oh you know, nothing really.” Barty drawls, he looks over to James, giving him a look. James Potter has unintentionally invoked the wrath of Barty Crouch Jr. Evan is holding back laughter. Lily rolls her eyes, looking at Barty lovingly. James looks slightly terrified and looks to Evan for help, he shrugs.

“You know what, James. How about we discuss this later. But what we have so far? He’ll love it I’m sure.” Lily says, James gives her a thumbs up and walks to the other side of the common room.

“Who’s going to love it?” Barty asks, looking at her.

“Remus, we were talking about his birthday party. James needed ideas for planning it.” Barty’s face freezes and he looks over to Evan, who cracks and starts laughing. Barty runs a hand down his face. “Did you think he was flirting with me?” Lily laughs, he groans.

“Stop laughing at me!” He takes his arm off of Lily’s shoulder to scowl at Evan. Evan shakes his head, trying to catch his breath.

“To be quite honest, it was adorable.” Evan tells him. Lily nods, turning so she can face her boys.

“You’re hot when you’re jealous.” Barty frowns but his cheeks are pink. Lily drags him towards her by grabbing the crook of his elbow, and kisses his cheek, Barty loses the frown as she does so. Evan slowly trails over to do the same.

“You’re lucky I like you two.” Barty hisses.

[rosewaves06]

𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞!

🤍 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 🤍

✰ 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘗𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴 𝘓𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘯

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘉𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘊𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘑𝘳

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘶𝘴 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘌𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘴

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘔𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘯

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰ 𝘗𝘰𝘭𝘺!𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰𝘗𝘰𝘭𝘺!𝘞𝘰𝘭𝘧𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

✰𝘗𝘰𝘭𝘺!𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳

𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵！

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵!!

𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘢

[rosewaves06]

poly!marauders drabbles (2/2)

☁︎ = headcanon ✩ = 18+, mdni ♡ = mae's favs

Poly!marauders x stage actress!reader ☁︎

The boys' with a reader who's always cold ☁︎

They support your acting career ☁︎

The marauders x an introverted party girl ☁︎

They react to you crying over a movie ☁︎

Slytherin!reader is soft only for the marauders ♡

Whimsical!reader totally knows Remus' secret

Your boyfriends worry about your clumsiness

They wrangle you after getting your wisdom teeth out ♡

Emt!marauders

You have health anxiety, and your boyfriends reassure you You take care of them, for a change They fret when you faint You injure your neck, and they're comforting Your boyfriends discover you in A&E They comfort you through a fear of throwing up They bring you home from surgery You hide a small injury from them They talk you through getting stitches They come to your rescue when you overheat They comfort you in the hospital Your cramps aren't cramps You have a migraine, and your boyfriends are dying to help They comfort you when you're terrified of needles Your boyfriends are soft and concerned when you're feverish

Poly!marauders x golden retriever!reader

The boys comfort you after you leave home

They deal with a drunk and horny you ♡

Remus and James put sun lotion on you and Sirius

The marauders comfort you when you're dealing with insomnia

They fret when you come home with a bruise

The boys best your poor appetite

They comfort you when you're grieving

Nb!reader gets top surgery (they're obsessed)

The boys talk you through a nosebleed incident

They're supportive when you quit smoking

Your boyfriends worry when you lose your voice

They respect your boundaries

The marauders calm you down when you're feeling anxious

The boys poke fun at you and James for being sleepy

They take care of you with a concussion ♡

Your boyfriends fret over your aching back

You and Sirius get home after a rough night

The marauders are protective when you're assaulted at work

They're infatuated with their goth gf

You and James cry during a film

It's your first sleepover with the boys

They fret when you have a cold

You're nervous about moving in

You're jumpy during a scary movie, and they're the worst

The boys comfort you over the phone

Your messy eating habits lead to...shenanigains

They argue that visually impaired!reader is more than enough

Poly!marauders and dirty talk ✩♡

They teach you to use your mouth ✩

You fall too deep into subspace ✩

Your boyfriends delight in your torment ✩

[rosewaves06]

poly!marauders drabbles (1/2)

cont.

☁︎ = headcanon ✩ = 18+, mdni ♡ = mae's favs

The marauders are fascinated with their artist!gf ☁︎

The marauders reassure you when you're insecure in your relationship

Marauders x a reader who's hyper-independent ♡

The boys get jealous of your new friend

You give them gifts for your one-month anniversary

The marauders love their individualized pet names

Overprotective!marauders when you sneak out to a party ♡

They think you're breaking up with them after an argument

The boys help when you're having period cramps

Poly!marauders x sunshine!reader

Poly!marauders x overwhelmed sunshine!reader

You worry others are judging your relationship, and the boys comfort you

They help you when you dissociate

You tell the boys you love them (and you get there first)

A calm, domestic morning with the marauders ♡

A semi-calm, domestic night

You get an anxious stomachache, and they help

The marauders discover Target

Poly!marauders and casual dominance

The boys keep coming to your work (totally not to flirt with you)

Poly!marauders x Slytherin!reader who's stressed about school

You don't realize you're flirting, but they don't not like it

The boys are shocked when you swear

The boys are not at all shocked when you swear

They react to you flinching during an argument

The boys help when you have an allergic reaction

There's no way the marauders are flirting with you (except they are)

Poly!marauders x plus size!reader when you're feeling insecure

They learn that sometimes you just need time alone

Your boyfriends think your plushies are adorable

The boys help with your pre-presentation anxiety

They think you're gorgeous with or without glasses

Apocalypse au

When you're reunited ♡ Dancing around the fire You get hypothermia

You all take care of Remus before a full moon

platonic!marauders (+Lily) help you decorate your apartment

The boy help (some more than others) when you can't say what you mean

You and the marauders choose your group Halloween costume

Rockstar!marauders x rockstar!reader

They love your curly hair

The marauders when you come back to school seeming fragile

They take care of you when you're sick

Sleepy aftercare with bratty!reader ♡

The boys comfort you after a panic attack

Poly!marauders x tall!reader when you're insecure about your height

You and the boys figure out you want to be together

They react to you crying over a book

Protective!marauders watch out for you at a party

Poly!marauders x hyperactive!reader

The boys are (lovingly) exasperated when you forget your meds

Roommate!marauders when you come home tipsy

They realize you've been hiding your food

Your boyfriends comfort you before a trip to the doctor

The marauders love your fancy socks

Plus size!reader and shying away from touch

Sirius and you gush about your boyfriends in French

Bodyguard!marauders with sunshine!reader ♡

Bodyguard!marauders when you keep sneaking off

They're casually dominant when you're stressed out ♡

Poly!marauders x (raccoon)animagus!reader

The boys make a competition of abstinence

They worry when you spend too long in the rain

Your first morning with the marauders

You come out to the boys as non-binary

When you and James come home drunk ♡

They throw you a surprise party

You are not on the same page about shower temperatures

You all have a talk about self-harm

The marauders do their damndest to flummox shy!reader (it's not hard)

You hide a black eye from them

Tall!reader teases the boys

They talk you through a friend breakup

They comfort you after you hit an animal with your car

You and the boys enjoy a domestic time during the holidays ♡

You all oggle James

Emt!marauders (see the continued masterlist for more)

They come to your rescue after a car accident ♡ | cont. Your boyfriends are called after a mishap at work Your boyfriends help when you hurt your back You call an ambulance when you're having a panic attack Your boyfriends comfort you through vertigo ♡ Your boyfriends come get you after an accident

The boys comfort you when you don't get into your top school

Short!reader teams up with Remus to give the other boys shit

They want you to let them comfort you after a nightmare

The marauders love your weight gain ♡

Your boyfriends learn about social burnout

The boys coddle a touched starved!you ♡

Roommate!marauders get a teensy bit jealous during a night out

Whimsical!reader tries some alternative healing methods

They bring you, high and giggly, to an aquarium

You want your boyfriends to take charge

You have chronic pain, and they know how to take care of you ♡

Sleepy aftercare with the boys ✩

Your boyfriends know how to share ✩

They reassure you it's okay to have boundaries ✩

[rosewaves06]

REMUS LUPIN AS I LIVE AND BREATHE im not fucking breathing

[rosewaves06]

[rosewaves06]

rip remus lupin you would’ve loved ibuprofen

[rosewaves06]

Prologue— we're just getting started

Au Master list

This is an eventual Mark Estapa x Reader story, very much a slow-burn romance

It started with intense nausea, waves of sickness rolling over her for moments at a time and it ended with her pacing around the bathroom of the Umich hockey senior house with the pregnancy test sitting on the counter, the timer for three minutes set as she watched the countdown begin. Second, by second her stomach dropped with each tick of the clock.

Her roommates had been a little too overbearing as of late due to her 'sickness', so sure this little illness was the result of a largely regretted hookup with her best friend, meaning that taking this test in the comfort of her apartment wasn't an option right now. Instead, she hid away from the world in a bathroom that reeked of axe body spray and had dirty clothes all over the floor.

None of this was in her life plan, it wasn't write-in her five-year plan that she promised a naive and younger version of herself. This scenario was written in the stars, fate running through her veins as she stared from the count down back at the test.

All of the boys exited the house about five minutes prior, screams of endearment to the 'sick' girl as they exited the house and headed off to their afternoon practice all except for Nolan and Nick who could now be heard downstairs, voices sounding as the door slammed behind them. A greasy 'pick me up' breakfast in their clutch, promising a McMuffin was just the perfect remedy to help settle her stomach after a morning of puking her guts up in their bathroom.

Nurse Nolan and Nick were screaming once again for her to come to join them downstairs, promises of coffee and food to lure her from her hiding spot. "If you wait any longer the ice in your coffee is gonna melt!" Nick yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "A little patience would be nice blanks" she yelled out, surprised that her voice was able to reach above a choked whisper.

She stared down at the piece of plastic for a second, her heart beating against the cage of her chest like it was trying to break free of its constraints, loud thuds filled her ears as the timer hit ten seconds, then five, three. And then the world went silent, the thuds turned into rings, and in a split second, the sign turned from a loading symbol to a big fat positive sign.

The little computerized screen mocked her. '2-3 weeks' It was like a slap straight to the face. The test dropped from her hands back onto the counter as she fell to her knees, finding her head hung over the toilet once more.

Nolan heard a loud bang come from upstairs, followed by the familiar sounds of agony as she threw up. But this time it ended differently, there was no call out to let the boys know that she was okay, she went silent and then followed it with muffled cries making Nick stop in his tracks and head up the stairs.

"You okay in there?" he asked as he knocked gently on the door, his hand fumbling with the locked knob as a beat of silence passed. “I did something stupid,” she said through the door, her voice already giving up on her, she slowly opened the bathroom door and collapsed into nicks arms, gasping for air as he steadied himself, “like unbelievably stupid, and I need you to take me to the hospital,” she mumbled into the man's chest.

Nolan stood in the doorway of the bathroom his hands gripped the bottle of water harshly as a worried expression filled in his blank face, his stomach in knots as he watched the colour drain from her cheeks.

Nick's fingers gently raked through her hair as she shook uncontrollably into his frame, her fingers gripping at his workout shirt as he held her up to support her, gasping for air as she cried into him.

“What kind of stupid are we talking about, cause me and Nolan can fix anything” she pulled her face out from its hidden place under Nick's chin, worry-filled his face as he searched her for any signs of physical hurt. She cringed and handed Nolan the positive pregnancy test that was being held in her firm grip, "you can't fix this."

“Holy fuck”

She frowned with a sigh and leaned up against the bathroom counter, the sleeves of a sweater shed stolen from Kent being used as a tissue, wiping away the salty tears that kept rolling down her cheeks, her skin itching from the irritation. The mess of mascara under her eyes is smudged more as Nick uses his thumb to wipe some of it away, a light frown on his face as he pulled her back into his arms.

"I'm so unbelievably fucked Nick," she whispered as he pulled away to shake his head. "You're not doing this by yourself if that's what you're trying to imply," She knew exactly what he meant, if she was going through with this, every guy on the Umich hockey team was going through it too, she was one of them, and Nick was going to make sure that every guy knew that.

“Is there anyone you want us to get? Your mom? Maybe your secret lover...” Nick dragged out suspiciously waiting to see if she would spill who the father was. Her eyes went wide as a gasp left her lips, her stomach suddenly feeling in knots once again, “oh my god I have to tell Philippe” her hands came up to her mouth the muffle the incoming cries.

“You slept with Lapointe?!” the two best friends exclaimed in unison as she looked up at them with a glare, “sorry not the time” Nolan whispered and patted her shoulder. "you have the emotion support ability of a rock, y'know that?" Nick said elbowing Nolan to go and hug the girl.

“Philippe and I were a one-time thing, you guys had just done your first home game, and I had done a lot of pregaming” she shrugged defeatedly and took the test back from Nolan, her bottom lip now pulled between her teeth as he squeezed her up against his chest.

A small laugh left her mouth as she recalled the entire affair, "we were so drunk, I woke up the next morning alone, in Holtzy's bed and we never spoke about it again," she grinned remembering her run-in with Owen and Kent the next morning as she rolled out of Steve's room with no pants and no excuse but to come clean.

"You're telling me that you fucked Phil in Steve's bed! And half of the Sophomores know! This is gold, truly" Nick laughed gaining a smack from Nolan. "Who has a lack of emotional capacity now dickhead!"

Nolan took the girl by her shoulder and gently pried her away from him, looking her in the eyes, "are you sure it's his?" "Yeah, you haven't finally given into Estapa's flirting yet have you?" Nick grinned, he loved picking on her for Mark's, not-very-well-hidden crush on her, all the boy knew though that she harboured a little adoration for the freshman who couldn't take a hint to save his life She glared over at him, "I got pregnant, that doesn't entitle me to sleep with half of the Umich rooster" she frowned as Nick grinned back all her.

"But I'm positive that it's Phils, I haven't had sex with anyone in like six months" a bitter-sweet smile on her face as Nolan led her out of the bathroom to get ready to head to the hospital

-❀-

"It's mine isn't it?" Philippe mumbled as she walked into the kitchen, a tired expression on her face as she feigned sleep, praying that a cup of tea or something could soothe her to sleep. She'd recently moved into the spare room in the senior's house after much begging from Nick. Philippe had grown suspicious of the boys new found protectiveness over the girl, his inkling had been settled after overhearing a call between Owen and Nick, solidifying and answering all of his questions,

"I was gonna- how did you-?" she stared at him, and sat at the kitchen table with barely any lights on, the mug in her hand fell to the floor making her jump, abandoning the idea of tea she cautiously moved closer to him.

She nodded gently trying to rack her brain around the fact that this conversation was about to happen. The make-it-or-break-it moment, she thought to herself as she stepped away from the man to grab a small piece of laminated paper, a six-week sonogram of their baby.

"Blanks called Owen while we were on the way to practice yesterday to ask if he could drive you to your ultrasound appointment" he whispered as his hands reached out to touch her, his vision was slightly blurry from the nerves. She stood in front of him, silent, not wanting to disrupt the peace. Her fingers gently racked through his curls that had been crushed with his hat and she placed the small photo in his palm. Begging eyes as she retreated away from him, a sad smile on her face as she watched his gaze soften at the tiny black and white photo.

The man's thumb ran over the little screening of the baby before looking back up at her, her face riddled with guilt as she waited for some sort of reaction. Quietly praying that his reaction was anything but negative, she didn't even need words, just some sort of reassurance,

His lips pulled into a small smile, watching as the worry in her chest deflected and she smiled back. He reached out for her hand, intertwining their fingers as he pulled her closer to him, "you call the shots here, okay, I will back you up a hundred percent of the time, you just gotta tell me the game plan" she rolled her eyes at his sports reference.

"Thank you" she whispered and leaned forward to gently kiss the top of his head, his hand found the small of her back, his hand brushing against her soft skin as he soothed the goosebumps on her skin, the two of them basking in silence for a moment longer.

"I think I'm going to keep it" she pulled away from his touch to look Philippe in the eyes, "I can't explain it, but this feels like something that I need to do" she whispered. "You don't have to explain to me" he mumbled back. "What I'm trying to say is that doesn't mean you have to be involved, I want you in the picture, but if you can't I understand" she gave him a sad lopsided smile, her fingers fixing the chain around his neck as his brows furrow. "No no, I'm going be here for you, and I'll always be there for them" he pulled her into his lap and hugged her tightly.

"I'm not gonna sit back and make you handle all of this alone," he said lowly as she cried into his neck, mumbled thank you leaving her lips as he squeezed her tighter

-❀-

Philippe grabbed his hockey bag and got ready to head him before Brendan grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back onto the bench, “sit down Lapointe we need to have a chat” Grano smiled softly as Philippe looked at the room to see the entire team staring at him

“Is everything okay?” he asked, his hand raking through his damp curls as his expression grew worried. “Hush I’m the one asking the questions,” Nick said sitting down next to him, obviously trying to intimidate the poor boy who grew nervous under the stares of his entire team

“Anyways we need to talk about your new-found situation” Nick smiled and looked around the room to the rest of the guys who waited for a response. “We’ve already discussed it,” Phil shrugged, his cheeks tinted a rose shade as he looked around at the room, all of the guys waiting for some sort of confirmation that he is in fact going to be a dad.

“Are you gonna marry her?” Mark was the first to speak up after the long pause of tense silence, Phil's eyes narrowed as he looked over to the boy. “Shut up,” KJ smacked him in the arm. “Be honest we are all thinking it!” Jay laughed which gained him a smack as well.

“She doesn’t want to be together romantically” Philippe shrugged and stared down at his feet, painfully aware of the awkward tension that now filled the air. “Good” Nolan chirped, with a big grin. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I’m the one asking questions” The captain silenced both of the boys.

“Why are we doing this exactly?” Phil sighs and looks around the room at the freshmen who look equally as uncomfortable.

“We are just making sure your interests are where they should be,” Brendan grinned and pointed at the photo of the latest sonogram that happened to be Philippe's Lock Screen, “I mean Phil you’re going to be a dad, this is some life-changing shit!” “I know, and I’m all in, she knows that” “Good, that’s all we needed to hear” Nolan’s patted the boy on the back, a grin on his face as she gently shakes his fellow teammate's shoulders.

“Does this make him daddy?” Dylan joked from the far corner of the room making all of the boys erupt into cheers.

Nick turned to the boy who looked ready to make a run from the locker room as soon as possible, “we mainly just want you to know that we have your back, we’re your team, we’re brothers, so you or her need anything let us know” he nodded at the door, a sign for Phil to final go home to the girl waiting for him.

“Thanks, guys,” he said standing up and walking towards the door, but not before hearing a startling “TEAM BABY!” leave Brendan’s mouth.

-❀-

Championship season came and went, her boys were Big Ten Champs and managed to clinch a spot in the frozen four. But soon after came the time no one was looking forward to.

The boys were off to join the big leagues, literally.

“I’m so mad at you guys right now” she frowned as Matty hugged her once more, "but I'm also so proud of all of you" she smiled into his shoulder.

“We are the worst, we know” Owen mumbled as she walked over to hug him again. A smile spread across her face as she ruffled his outgrown hair, he looked up at her with a wide grin, “at least you’re self-aware.”

Everything was gonna be different, the boys that had been a constant in her life ever since orientation week was leaving. all of them leaving to be on different sides of the country.

"You still have Phil, Truscott, and Holtzy" Kent mumbled as she went over to him once again. All the boys cringed at the sentence as her face dropped, "you really think telling me that I'm stuck with the idiot who knocked me up and the other two smart asses is gonna fix it?" he hugged her to shut hut her up, swaying back and forth as she wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm about to have a baby and you're all leaving me"

“You need anything ever, call okay,” Thomas said seriously, motioning to all the boys, "we will drop anything to come and fix it" All the boys nodded as she pouted at them, "I love you guys" she said as the tears started.

-❀-

Summer rolled around quickly meaning that it was time for her to head back to St. Clair, Michigan hometown to not only herself but also her favourite freshman Mark Estapa.

"Mark I swear to god drive so carefully," Philippe said putting her suitcase in the back of the frosh's car, "you have precious cargo on board, so help me god if I hear that something happened I will fly down here and kill you with my bare hands Estapa" he warned one last time before placing a kiss to her cheek and lowering himself to her stomach to whisper a few good words of affection.

She looked over to the boy awkwardly standing there and rolled her eyes, Mark smiled and waited for the man to be eye to eye with him once again, "I promise I’ll be careful, you have my word" he said before Philippe pulled him into one of those really awkward side hugs "Good, see you both in a few weeks," he said helping her into the car and shutting the door behind her.

She waved to him through the window before letting out a loud sigh. "he really took to that paternal instinct" Mark joked making her let out a groan her expression filled with annoyance at his already very overwhelming state of panic. "He's gonna be a good dad, he's just nervous" her expression and looked over to Mark who seemed really tense.

There was a question just sitting on the edge of his tongue, he knew it wasn't appropriate to be asking if the expecting mother was still single but since he first met her at a party during his frosh week, he knew he was done for, she was gonna have a chokehold on him until the moment she graduated.

"So are you guys like together now?" "God no," she laughed, he had tried to convince her that it could work out, but she knew it was just wishful thinking, "don't get me wrong he's great, but we just wouldn't work."

Mark nodded awkwardly, the rest of the drive was filled with small talk, and complaints about pregnancy hormones, mark ranted about how messy Ethan kept the dorm, and then they both bitched about the lack of plans that they had over the summer.

"thank you for the drive Mark" she grinned as he pulled up outside her house, she got out of the car and he followed after her, "what are you doing?" she asked as he opened the trunk. "I'm not gonna make a pregnant woman carry her own suitcase," he said like the answer was obvious, as he hoisted the bag out of the trunk and let her lead the way to the front door. "oh" she turned a light shade of pink, "thank you"

she made it to the front door, she hugged mark and bid him goodbye as her mom swung the door open making the two pull away from each other, "oh my god hun you're huge" she said excitedly before pulling her daughter into a hug. "mom this is Mark, Phil's teammate, he drove me home," she said as her mom smiled softly at him. "I remember Mark, I've seen him play," her mom grinned as she said her thanks to the boy and ushered her daughter inside.

"Y'know if it doesn't work out with Philippe, Mark is a cutie" her mom grinned at her as they walked into the kitchen. "Yeah, I guess he's cute" she shrugged and looked at her mom who laughed.

-❀-

Mark was sleeping comfortably wrapped up in the warmth of his comforter before the ringing of his phone startled him awake.

"Uh hello," his voice rasped with sleep as his eyes adjusted to the brightness of his phone screen. "she went into labour early, I need you to go the hospital and make sure she's okay please, I'm trying to get a flight but I won't be there until tomorrow at least" the voice on the other end sounded panicky and out of breath.

"What? who is this?" he looked down at the phone screen to see that it was nearly three in the morning. "Mark it's Phil, she is in labour, I need you to go there and just make sure that she's okay" "Oh shit, yeah I'm on my way, don't worry" he shot up right out of bed and headed straight into his closet.

The drive to the hospital felt like ages, and he didn't even know if she wanted him in the waiting room.

"oh mark honey" her mom pulled him into a hug, excitement running through her veins as she waited in line at the cafeteria for a coffee. "Philippe wanted me to behave to give him updates or something, he's a little nervous about the whole thing," Mark smiled as he bought her and himself a coffee. "He called to let us know, but I'll make sure to let her know that you're here, and well come get you when the baby is here, sound good" she smiled one last time before walking down the hallway.

After a long nap and a lot of groaning while trying to get comfortable on a metal hospital chair, three hours had passed, and a nurse dressed in pink scrubs walked up to the boy and gently tapped the sleeping boy, "Are you mark?" "Uh, yea?" "follow me" she ushered for him to trail behind her, tiredly walking up to the door, "she's in here," the lady said before opening the door and letting mark walk in before shutting the door behind him.

a little baby girl sat in her arms, bundled up in a small yellow blanket, contently sleeping again her chest. "You did that" he whispered as she motioned for him to come closer.

"You really didn't need to sleep out there Phil would have been fine" she mumbled as she looked up at him. "I wanted to, for him, I also wanted to make sure you're okay, plus I now get to rub it in everyone's face that I met it first" he joked as he finally looked at a really tired-looking new mom. "Her name is Florence, little Flo" she mumbled and brushed her thumb against her daughter's cheek, "it's my grandma's name" "It's pretty," he said awkwardly staring at the baby and then back at the mom, his fingers brushing the baby hairs out of her eyes.

"Go wash your hands and you can hold her" she whispered and looked over to the sink, a smile on her lips as she looked back at Mark. "Really? are you sure?" "you slept here overnight, it's the least I could do" she looked up at mark whose face broke out into a toothy smile.

She gently sat up a little to easily pass the baby over to mark, "just make sure to support her head" she whispered as she placed the small baby in his arms. "She looks like you" he mumbled, as he sat in the chair next to the hospital bed, "she has a little resemblance to Phil, but she's just as pretty as her Mama" he mumbled to the baby and then looked up.

An amused expression sat on her face, "you're really flirting with a woman who just gave birth?" "Did it work?" he joked, his fingers playing with the small onesie on the baby. "Not a chance" "It was worth a shot" he couldn't wipe the smile off of his face, a permanent grin on his lips and cheeks stained a light red as his gaze switched between her and the baby.

"I know we aren't that close, but if you or her ever need anything, I will be there always," he said gently looking down at the baby who made a content humming sound as she grabbed a hold of his finger. She looked down at him, her eyes tearful as she watched the two of them interact, "thank you, Mark"

-

-

-

I know it's kind of long and boring, but I just wanted to provide some sort of foundation for the whole series/ au!!

Hope you guys love it

[rosewaves06]

my tears ricochet R. McGroaty

Rutger McGroaty x fem!reader

synopsis - Based on “my tears ricochet” by Tay obvs. Reader is on the umich soccer team and when they lose the NCAA championship game, and Rutger is there, reader is confused and sad in a way that he would come to this game after their terrible breakup.

wc - 3.0k!

contains - lightly edited! angst!!!!!!!! then a sprinkle of fluff. reader has a panic attack and has trouble breathing, crying, descriptions of a terrible breakup, kissing, happy ending, lmk!

an - this was probably the hardest one so far, other than the last great american dynasty, which i promise is coming soon! ALSO. 200 FOLLOWERS????? THANK U GUYS! I swear I’m trying to speed up the process of writing these but it’s harder than I thought. I've been getting more requests than usual lately! You guys are all so cute btw. I've gotten multiple about Behind My Back with Nolan part 2 and it's on the way! I'm so slow at writing smut. Anyways hope you enjoyyyy!

-

we gather here, we like up, weepin’ in a sunlit room. and if i’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too.

The final whistle blew, the game was over. You crouched to the ground, palm flat on the field as you wept. You could barely breathe as the UNC team flooded the field, screaming in victory, group-hugging 10 feet from you. 4-3 in overtime. You dropped to sit on the ground, arms loosely wrapped around your knees as you stared at the crowd.

The sea of Carolina blue jumping up and down, smiling, shouting. The motionless pit of maize and navy, crying, grief, disappointment. In you. They’re all disappointed in you, that’s what you tell yourself.

Your best friend sits next to you, enveloping you in a hug, you hear her whimpers, you feel her tears.

“I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head at you, hugging you tighter than ever before pulling away, holding your face, wiping your cheeks.

“No, don’t say that. This isn’t your fault. Okay? It isn’t. You scored 2 of our goals tonight, and you just did so good okay? This isn’t your fault.”

You looked at the ground, trying to catch your breath. You’re only a freshman, you’ll have more championships to win. She didn’t though, she was a senior.

“This was just your last game, and I just- I let you down and coach and-”

“Honey, it’s okay. I’ll be okay. You cannot blame this game just on you.”

You hesitantly nod, letting her help you to your feet. The rest of your team is hugging, some crying, some seething, some trying to smile.

You run to your coach, she opens her arms wide to hug you. She’s trying to smile, trying to tell you that it’s okay as you heave out the word sorry over and over, sobbing as you try to catch your breath, to no avail.

Your chest heaves as you try to breathe, but nothing is going on or out, you’re about to have a panic attack. You grip your jersey where your heart is, the navy material soiled from tears and sweat. Your coach lets out a curse as she realizes what’s going on, your best friend sees you, running over, holding your arms, trying to calm you down.

You can’t, you were warm before, but now it’s like you’re suffocating.

“I- I can’t! Fuck, I-”

The worse you cry the less you can breathe, but the less you’re breathing the more you’re crying.

Your trainer runs over, hand on your back as she urges you off to the sidelines. You know there are dozens of cameras on you, making everything ten times worse.

It’s time for you guys to shake hands but instead, you are urged off the field, down through the tunnel, and to the locker rooms. They sit you down in your designated stall, offering water, fanning you with random papers, holding your hands, everything as you start to breathe again. When you’re finally steadily breathing again, you feel embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry! Shit- I just-”

They just shush you, hugging you tight. You, as the star player of Michigan Women’s Soccer are informed you’re doing press with your best friend, the captain, now. You almost cry again, you know someone is bound to ask about your leaving the field early.

But here you are, sitting next to your best friend, holding hands under the table for some form of stability as you look at the reporters and flashing cameras in front of you, fans behind them.

Your best friend answers the majority of the first chunk of questions, you only chiming in a few times. Your name is called by a reporter, a question just for you.

“Would you like to comment on what happened with your early departure after the game?”

You tense, your best friend’s hold on your hand tightens, comforting you as much as possible.

“Oh um, yeah. So uh, I was having some trouble breathing and stuff and I needed to go back to the locker room. I apologize if I came across as rude to any of the UNC girls, I still definitely want to congratulate them.”

The reporter nods, and you get sad smiles from almost everyone you can see. You get another question about your performance.

“I think I definitely could’ve played better, I’m disappointed in my performance tonight, I’ve apologized to teammates and coaches. I did as well as I could in the moment, Carolina is a really talented group of girls. I-”

You see him, Rutger fucking McGroaty, standing at the back of the group, Ethan, Mark, Dylan, and a few other hockey players with him. Your voice catches, and your mind is blank.

even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me? ‘cause i loved you, i swear i loved you. ‘til my dying day.

The eye contact is full of pain, you feel your heart stutter. Your breathing that had finally started evening out is suddenly picking back up, but also somehow slowing down? It just, hurts. Why was he here? Why would he do that to you?

What was he trying to do? Was he trying to see you? Was he just trying to watch the game?

You looked to your coach, the attention of the reporters on your best friend, with pleading eyes. She nods for you to leave, and you silently thank her, slipping out of the seat and discreetly exiting the room, having to walk right by the guys, and some fans along the way. You wave at a little girl dressed head to toe in maize and blue, your jersey adorning her little body.

You crouched down next to her, letting her grab your hand.

“Hi sweetheart, how are you doing?”

She smiles brightly, making your heart swell. She has your number drawn out on her cheek, and a Michigan temporary tattoo on the other.

“I’m good! It was fun watching you play, even if you couldn’t win. I saw you crying, are you okay? You still did really really awesome, even my brother thinks so!”

She gestures to her slightly older brother, a boy who looked about 8.

“Oh yeah, I’ll be okay. Well sweetheart, if you’d like it, I would love to sign your jersey.”

Her face lights up, she squeals and hugs you, which you accept. She turns around and you sign right next to your number on her maize jersey. She thanks you and squeezes your hand while taking a picture with you. You’re finishing up with them when her brother almost shouts.

“Are those the Mich hockey guys?”

You freeze, eyes darting from the ground to the little boy and then up to Rutger's shocked face. Rutger quickly puts his fan persona on, greeting the kids.

'cause i loved you, i swear i loved you. 'til my dying day.

You realize you're position, frozen and staring at Rutger in front of all these people, and you quickly turn to go. You get about ten feet when you hear someone quietly shout your name, then twice. Someone, being Rutger. You didn't wanna talk to him. You really did want to talk to him, you just knew you couldn't.

You are in the tunnel at this point, striding a few more feet to make sure no one can see you before stopping when he says your name once again. When you turn around he stares at you silently, his eyes filled with hurt. You wish you could run into his arms, but you can't, you can't.

i didn't have it in myself to go with grace, and you're the hero flying around, saving face. and if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake?

"What are you doing here Rut?"

You could feel the tears lining your eyes, pushing to break past your waterline. He has the same tears, which hurts you even more.

"I'm sorry."

That you lost? That he came here? That he called for you? That he broke your heart?

"For what, Rutger?"

The tears were close to spilling for both of you. He lets out a shaky exhale, wiping his nose and sniffling.

"I- Um, everything? I just, I'm sorry."

cursing my name, wishing i stayed. look at how my tears ricochet.

You didn't know what to do. Part of you was about to throw yourself into his arms while another part was about to sprint as far away from him as you could.

He stood there, quickly wiping a tear that fell. In this moment, losing the game was the farthest thing from your mind. Everything in your mind was just completely overwhelmed with him. At one point he was everything to you, you knew in part of you he still was.

we gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. some to throw, some to make a diamond ring.

When you and Rutger had broken up, it had been terrible for both of you. Rutger wasn't allowed to be alone afterward for two weeks, not that you knew that, his friends wanted to tell you and try to get you back to him but he wouldn't let them. He was too embarrassed by the idea. His friends begging for you for him because he couldn't handle a breakup? Please. What Rutger doesn't know is that you would've run straight back to him if you'd known. He was your lifeline.

Your relationship was like a dream, you'd started dating in July of 2022 and broke up the next May. You guys were inseparable, in a cute way. You guys were always there for each other, no matter what. But out of nowhere, in April, Rutger started freaking out about everything happening in his life. The team had just lost the frozen four, and he was just hurt from that and he was not himself. Even weeks after, when the other boys had seemingly gotten over it, he couldn't seem to shake the feeling in his chest.

The feeling started affecting other parts of his life, too. Specifically, your relationship. He'd become way cut off from you, and a lot more mean. It went on for three weeks before you broke up with him. You just couldn't keep trying when you were getting nothing back, even though it hurt you so badly to do it.

you know i didn't want to have to haunt you. but what a ghostly scene. you wear the same jewels that i gave you, as you bury me.

You rub your eyes before looking up from the ground to him, and then you see it. The ring he once gave you on a chain around his neck. He'd kept it when you gave it back to him.

You remember every detail about the night he gave you that ring. Where he'd taken you, how he held you in the cold of February nights in Ann Arbor. You remember his confession of love to you. How he was worried you'd think he was proposing, how he shakily opened the ring box when you got back to his room, and how he said he wanted to give it to you in your scenic snowy walk through a local park but had gotten too nervous. You remember how you kissed him, and how he brought tears to your eyes.

i didn't have it in myself to go with grace. 'cause when i'd fight, you used to tell me i was brave. and if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed. look at how my tears ricochet.

Him being here, crying, apologizing, you losing the game, everything was just so much, but when you looked into his eyes he was still your everything. Your boy, the one that made you fall in love with every part of him, every crack and crevice, every flaw. He was still yours, no matter if you were together or apart. And you were his too, you knew that, you both did.

You can't imagine what your friends would think if you'd told them how close you were to kissing Rutger right now. They would never believe you, not after the months you spent trying oh so hard to convince yourself you were better off without him, no matter how false that statement was.

You knew you would need him, always did. He didn't know that though, when he would stalk your social media all summer, seeing you post in your little white linen dresses, having fun at the beach with your friends, he convinced himself he'd never get another chance with you. And you knew that if he tried hard enough, he could completely win you back, 100 times over.

and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, just not home. and you can aim for my heart, go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones.

He was your safe haven, whenever you were with him everything was just good, you didn't have to worry about anything with him, he wouldn't let you. He was your person.

You just stared at him, thoughts running a thousand miles per minute. You wanted him, you needed him. You knew it, too. He was always gonna be the only man that ever came to mind when you heard a love song by Taylor Swift, the only man you thought of when you saw a husband and wife with a little baby on your for you page, the only one.

i didn't have it in myself to go with grace.

He sniffled again, and you practically lunged at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and tucking your head into the crook of his neck. You started to cry again as his arms went around your hips, holding you so tightly. He was so warm, he smelled so good, he was definitely home for you if you had one. You felt his tears fall onto the base of your neck. He was mumbling i love yous and i'm sorrys like prayers. You just said the three words back, telling him it was okay because you knew it would be. As long as you had him.

and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves. you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. cursing my name, wishing i stayed.

You pulled away from him, just a little, his tight hold on you barely let up, he couldn't let you go. You cupped his cheeks with your hands, looking into his now bloodshot, but otherwise beautiful blue eyes. You giggled, this was so crazy, you couldn't even believe it. Your amusement at the situation must've made Rutger feel embarrassed because he shook his head from your hold and buried his head into your neck. You could see his rose tinted ears. You ran your hands through his hair.

You had not the slightest idea what this meant for your two, but it definitely felt right, like you were whole again. You knew that he would come back to your life, you always felt it. And you knew you guys were gonna have to have a serious long talk about everything, but right now it just felt so good to take solace in him, acting like you were never broken up.

you turned into your worst fears. and you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain. crossing out the good years.

If you knew one thing, it was that Rutger McGroaty was your boy, and you were his girl. No matter how much time kept you apart you'd always find each other again. You loved him, too much to lose him. Especially now that you were both given another chance.

"Rut?"

He moved his head a little, adjusting his arms around your hips, grumbling out an 'mhm?'

"I'm really happy you're here."

He came out of hiding at that, smiling at you, you smiled back, partially because of how cute he looked with slightly puffy eyes and rosy cheeks.

"For real?"

You gave him a pointed look, 'duh', written all over your features. He smiled brighter, his perfect teeth on display, oh you so hoped he would never experience any teeth loss during his hockey career, even though he'd probably look fucking adorable.

"I love you. I'm not letting you down ever again, I promise. I'm gonna be perfect, okay?"

You looked at him like he had just hung the stars one by one. You shook your head mumbling something about how you loved him so much and he'd never let you down and he was already perfect in your book before pulling him into a kiss. He smiled so hard into the kiss, and so did you.

Even though you'd just lost one of the most important soccer games in your life, you'd just won someone that was more important than any soccer trophy you could ever receive.

and you're cursing my name, wishing i stayed. look at how my tears ricochet.

[rosewaves06]

tutor and tutoree sparks fly au

✭ — summary: sofia offers to tutor rutger

✭ — warnings: one instance of cursing

✭ — a/n: this is literally just rutger falling in love with sofia but he doesn't realize yet

✭ — word count: 1.20k

It didn’t take long for Rutger to spot her familiar blonde head of hair, pulled back into a messy braid and headphones on her ears. Rutger wasn’t late this time, ensuring he could sit next to Sofia and giving himself time to talk to her before the professor started the lecture.

“Hey.” Rutger says.

Sofia doesn’t reply, in fact doesn’t even turn her head. Rutger realizes her headphones are probably noise cancelling, so he waves a hand in front of her face.

Sofia jumps, pulling her headphones off. “Oh, hey.” Sofia says, pausing the song.

“Hey.” Rutger replies. “What’re you listening to?”

“Uh, Zach Bryan.” She replies, showing Rutger her phone screen, displaying the Elisabeth album cover. “You’re not late this time.”

Rutger lets out a dry laugh. “Yeah, made sure I knew where I was going this time.”

“Oh I’m not judging, I’ve gotten lost like 8 times already.” Sofia jokes.

There’s a lull in their conversation and Rutger just stares at the blonde girl in front of him. “So did you do the readings?” Sofia asks, a little intimidated by his glance

“Oh, uh… some of it.” Rutger says, fishing the book out of his bag. “I read the first 5 pages and then Luca asked me to play chel with him and… chel is a lot more fun than reading.”

Sofia laughs. Her laugh is like a melody in Rutger’s ears. He doesn’t quite know why her every little detail has him so entranced but he isn’t complaining.

“Listen, I know how hard it can be to balance being an athlete with being a student. How about we get together once a week and I can help you with some of the work?” Sofia offered.

A smile comes across Rutger’s lips. “Yeah! That’d be great.”

“Just uh…” Sofia starts. “Don’t let Luca or Adam find out.”

Rutger furrows his brows. “Why?”

Sofia conjures up a lie in her head quickly. “They probably won’t like me trying to become friends with their teammates. They can be a little territorial.”

Rutger seems to buy this explanation. “Oh so we’re not just tutor and tutoree, we’re friends.” He smiles, receiving an eye roll from Sofia. “I mean I’m sure they won’t care if you’re helping me out with English and we just happen to become friends.”

Sofia breathes in deeply, considering the situation. On one hand, there’s this incredibly cute boy, who is charming to no end, and something, somewhere within Sofia desperately wants to get to know him. But on the other hand, he’s her brother’s teammate. He’s the one person in the whole universe that Sofia has been explicitly told to not go near.

But to hell with Luca and Adam, they can’t control her.

“I’m sure they won’t.” Sofia says.

“Great!” Rutger smiles. “Listen, how about you come over to the sophomore house and go over the readings for this week? And, if he’s there, we can tell Luca so he doesn’t just find out randomly.”

This sends a rush of panic to Sofia’s core, but she finds herself nodding before she knows it.

By the time class is over, the two of them are packing up their stuff and Rutger is leading the way to his place.

“So you didn’t get into hockey, huh?” Rutger asked, trying to get to know Sofia a little more.

Sofia chuckles. If she had a dollar for every time she was asked this question, she’d be richer than Adam (even with his new contract). “Uh, no.” She says. “I tried to get into it, but playing just wasn’t for me.”

“Mhm.” Rutger nods. “So what is for you? What do you do for fun?”

“Uhm, read. A lot. My book collection’s a thing of beauty.” Sofia says. “I also like to bake.”

“What’s your favourite book of all time?” Rutger asks.

Sofia answers immediately, with no need to contemplate her answer in her head. “Little Women.”

“Like the movie?” Rutger asks.

Sofia laughs at this. "Um, yeah like the movie. Have you seen it?"

"Um, no. I just know it's a movie with Timothée Chalamet." Rutger sheepishly replies, making Sofia laugh.

"Well, It's this amazing book about these sisters living during the civil war and they have such intricate personalities, and it also delves into women and how they are people with their own thoughts and-"

Only then does Sofia look at Rutger, realizing she has been going on a rant about Little Women. He's staring at her, delicate eyes as she spoke about the book she's so passionate about.

"Sorry, I just went on a tangent." Sofia chuckles.

"No, It's cool how passionate you are about that book." Rutger smiles.

They turn down a walkway and up to a house. Rutger unlocks the front door, allowing Sofia to enter. “Luca? You here bud?” Rutger shouts out.

“Yeah, wassup?” Sofia hears her brother's voice from somewhere in the house.

“C’mon.” Rutger says to Sofia, walking down the hall. They enter the living room where she sees her brother slouched on the couch, a computer on his lap.

Luca pauses from typing and glances up at his roommate. He looks back at his screen before glancing back up. He thought his eyes were deceiving him but, sure enough, his baby sister was standing next to Rutger.

Sofia reads his confused, almost concerned, look on his face. “Hey Lu…” Sofia chuckles.

“What’re you doing here?” Luca asks. His eyes flick to Rutger, suspicion now lacing his eyes. Sofia recognizes where his brain is going so she jumps in before he can make any snap judgements.

“We’re in the same English class so I’m helping him make sure he doesn’t fall behind, especially while he’s away at road games.” Sofia explains.

Luca’s eyes soften and they go back to his computer. “That’s actually a good idea. She’s a fucking genius when it comes to reading.”

Sofia’s slightly taken aback by Luca’s immediate understanding, but Rutger doesn’t flinch. “Great. We’re gonna go over the readings.” He says. “Here, we can go to my room.”

Rutger walks out, not receiving any pushback from Luca. Sofia follows, wondering if Luca didn’t hear him or simply doesn’t care. They go upstairs and into his bedroom, Rutger closing the door slightly. “You can sit wherever.” He says.

Sofia sits on his desk chair, pulling her legs in, sitting cross-legged. She takes out her notebook and book, opening her page notes.

“You handwrite your notes?” Rutger asks, taking out his things.

“Um, yeah if it’s notes from a book or readings. If it’s class notes I use my laptop.” Sofia replies.

Rutger stands in front of her, looking down at her notes. “How do you read that chicken scratch?”

“What do you mean? I actually have really neat writing.” Sofia laughs.

There’s her laugh again.

Rutger joins her laughter, sitting down on his bed. “Okay so I’ll give a quick rundown of what happened in the first 20 pages, then we can talk about the discussion questions. Sound good?”

I get to hear you talk for the next 10 minutes? Sounds perfect.

“Sounds good.” Rutger nods.

“Okay, so the story opens with George and Lennie walking on a path.” Sofia begins.

[rosewaves06]

sabrina carpenter masterlist

luvhughes43 masterlist🌙

notes: jacks never beating the cheating allegations that i made up😭 ALSO! im just posting this for a reference. i might change who the fics are for

vicious | trevor zegras

summary: media girl for the ducks, trev and her start hooking up + secret relationship but he tells people it’s not true & ruins her image in the process

lyrics: "oh, you're so vicious love me then pretend you didn't, crush my heart and wreck my image, why you gotta be so vicious?"

read your mind | luke hughes

summary: Luke hughes keeps toying with u

lyrics: "you say that you need to be alone, but night and day, want me at your beck and call"

"you say you know that you might be crossing a line, wasting all our time"

tornado warning | nico hischier

summary: nico and yn can't help but keep seeing each other, even though she knows it's not the best for her.

lyrics: "don't understand how quickly we get right back in our rhythm without missing a step, and logically the last thing i should have on my mind but i want you there sometimes"

"i guess maybe thats why im lying to my therapist, i keep saying things like "i never saw him and we never kissed"

because i liked a boy | jack hughes

summary: reader gets hate comments from her ex boyfriends fans, saying she's a homewrecker and a slut, despite them already being broken up when everything went down.

lyrics: "now im a home wrecker, i'm a slut, i got death threats filling up semi trucks, tell me who i am, guess i don't have a choice, all because i liked a boy"

already over | jamie drysdale

summary: relationship thats not

lyrics: "yeah, i say, "i'm done", but i'm still confused, how am i supposed to close the door when i still need the closure? and i change my mind, but it's still on you, how am i supposed to leave you now that you're already over?"

nonsense | quinn hughes

summary: youre so in love with quinn your speaking nonsense ! (insta edit)

bad for my business |

summary: you know your relationship is toxic but you're in love with unknown.

lyrics:

decode | quinn hughes

summary: youre done waiting for quinn hughes. his confusion and noncommittal attitudes towards your relationship completely exhausting you.

lyrics: "i let your confusion keep me up at night, i'm so tired, re-read every single undertone and i overanalyzed it"

"where else can we go? theres nothing else left here to decode"

opposite | jack hughes

summary: a few weeks after you're break up with jack hughes, you find out he's dating someone who looks absolutely nothing like you, making you question everything.

lyrics: "she looks nothing like me, so why do you look so happy, now i think i get the cause of it, you were holding out to find the opposite"

"oh, i know now even if i tried to change, that you'd end up with her anyway"

feather | trevor zegras

summary: you finally break up and move out from yours and trevors apartment.

lyrics: "i feel so much lighter like a feather with you out of my life"

"i slam the door, i hit ignore, i'm saying, no, no, no, no more, i got you blocked, excited to never talk"

lonesome | jack hughes

summary: after a rough break up because jack of cheating, yn thinks about how crazy the narrative change was when jack realized she wasn't who the public wanted for him.

lyrics: "tell me i was more than just a decent opportunity, or will you tell me anything i wanna hear to control how you're preceived?"

"isn't it kind of strange how it all changed when i wasn't the one they wanted you to love?"

things i wish i said | luke hughes

summary: after your bad break up with luke, youre left wishing things had gone differently.

lyrics:

[rosewaves06]

I would watch it

guys here’s a theory, trevor is quitting hockey all together and pursuing a career as a reality tv star with dixie 🫶🏼

stay tuned for keeping up w the damelios featuring ex nhl star trev zegras

[rosewaves06]

don’t take the girl

i actually cry so hard to this song every time i listen. i cried so much writing this, i’m sorry. please don’t hate me.

mark estapa x reader

words: 3,242

masterlist

8 years old

mark stomped his foot at his dads words, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting for a moment. his dad gave him a look, as if he was tempting him to fight him on the matter. and mark, ever the rowdy child, took him up on the offer.

“i don’t want her to come with us!” his dad sighed. “can’t we take jimmy? or tommy?”

“mark, it’s too late to invite any of your friends. i invited her dad and he suggested she come to keep you company.”

“but i don’t-“

“i know. you don’t want her to go. but maybe you’ll start to like her and you’ll change your mind.” mark shook his head.

“no. i’ll never want her to go.” before his dad could respond, you were walking through the gate of your front yard next door and walking over to the pair. you had a fishing pole in your hand and a bucket hat on your head, ready for the trip.

“well we can’t just leave her here! she’s come prepared!” he took the pole from your hand as he greeted you, then secured the pole in the boat. your dad was coming up behind you, ready for the day out on the lake. mark stood pouting next to you as your dads placed a cooler in the boat and your dad loaded in his pole and tackle box.

“alright, we ready to get this show on the road?” your dad asked, clapping mark on the shoulder. mark glared at you, rolling his eyes as he started to walk around the truck. his dad thought for a moment that he might just go back inside, despite how happy he had been all week to take the fishing trip. but he just walked to the back door and climbed in, slamming the door behind him. you opened the door you stood next to, hearing marks dad tell your dad that mark wasn’t very excited about you coming as you climbed in. you just shut the door and stayed silent, not wanting to upset mark any more than you already had with your presence.

you stayed quiet for most of the day, though you enjoyed fishing. you loved getting to reel them in, but hated having to take them off the hook. you found out, however, that mark loved taking them off the hook and measuring them, so you asked if he’d like to do it for you. he was hesitant, but agreed, and he seemed to be slightly more okay with you being there after that.

18 years old

you laughed at the dumb joke that mark made about the movie you both had just seen. as soon as the lights came on in the theater he made it very clear that he wasn’t fond of the movie, especially the way it ended. he stared making fun of some of the scenes as you both walked out, hand in hand. you shook your head at his antics, coming to a stop once you were on the street outside, turning to face him.

“you’re an idiot, estapa.”

“hey, i might be an idiot about a lot of things but i can promise you that i’m not the only one who feels this way about that movie.” you just smile at his little rant. “it was horrendous.” you giggle, then lean in to kiss him. you both keep it tame, as there are still people walking around downtown, but the street isn’t too busy. it’s 9:30 on a tuesday night after all. you pull away, just smiling up at mark for a second. and then all of a sudden, your presence is gone.

it takes a second for marks brain to catch up, but he notices you struggling and he notices the glint of the streetlight off the gun behind held to your side. the guy has his arm around your neck as he snarls at mark and you look terrified.

“just give me what i want and we won’t have any problem,” the man speaks lowly. mark is immediately patting at his pants pockets.

“i- i have some cash, not a lot. and my debit card is in there.” he throws the wallet on the ground near the guys feet. “and my keys.” he takes the keys and tosses them as well, and the guy watches as they bounce off the toe of your shoe. “if that’s not enough, i have this watch that i got from my grandpa and my phone. just please don’t hurt her.” you could see him trying to hold back tears but you couldn’t judge, you were doing the exact same.

“keep your car, bend down and take out the cash.” mark does as he says, holding the money out to the man. he quickly shoved the gun into his waistband and snatched the money from marks hand, then releases you from his hold and takes off running down the street. you let out a sob once he was gone, and mark was immediately pulling you into a tight hug.

“oh my god,” you cried into his shoulder, holding onto him just as tight.

“it’s okay,” he whispered, “you’re safe. i’ve got you.” he may have been trying to reassure himself just as much as he was reassuring you, but you didn’t need to know that. all that mattered is that you were alive and completely unharmed. twenty-three dollars was a small price to pay for that.

“um, sir?” mark pulled away from the hug just enough to see the kid who had sold them the tickets earlier in the night. he had a phone in his hand, wide eyes, and was just standing back up and holding marks keys out to him. “i just wanted to let you know that police are on their way. i saw everything and called.”

“thank you. we’ll come wait inside if that’s okay?” the kid, probably fifteen or sixteen, nodded, and turned to head back in. mark kissed your forehead and then pulled one arm away, keeping the other around you as you both headed back inside to wait for the police.

23 years old

your pregnancy had been rough. you had morning sickness almost all the way through. your cravings were terrible, mood swings that left mark slightly scared, and body pains that made you want to just curl up in bed all day. mark did his best to be there for you. he was always willing to run and buy you food, no matter the time of day or how far he had to drive. he didn’t get angry with you when you were irrationally angry at him two minutes after wanting to jump his bones, instead he did his best to talk calmly to you and resolve the situation you had created. he even gave you massages and held your bump when he could.

“mark.” he woke to you calling his name and you arm smacking against his torso.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly extremely alert.

“i think it’s time to go to the hospital.” he took a second to smile down at you, and you returned it.

“the baby’s coming?” you nodded.

“that baby’s- oh shit.” your face contorted in pain as a contraction hit, your hand reaching out for marks. he let you squeeze it as hard as you needed, knowing you were in pain and there was nothing he could do to stop it. he stayed silent until you eased your grip on his hand.

“let me grab the bag and put some clothes on and we can get going okay?” you nodded, sitting up and swinging your legs off the bed. by the time mark was ready, you had slides on your feet and you were waiting by the front door. mark smiled when he saw you, leaning in to give you a kiss. “let’s go have a baby, yeah?” he said softly. you giggled and nodded.

“let’s go have a baby!” the drive was short, but you still had another contraction in the car. your nails dug into marks thigh as he drove, and he reminded you to breathe. you hunched over a bit and he reached over to rub your back, trying to support you when he didn’t really know how. he parked and helped you walk in to the hospital, filling out the paperwork you were given as you took a seat. you only had one contraction in the waiting room before you were taken back to your own room.

“now it’s a waiting game,” mark said, scooting a chair up to the side of your bed and sitting down. he grabbed you hand is his, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. you looked down at his, giving him a tired smile.

“lovely.” he let out a small chuckle at your less than enthusiastic tone.

“she’ll be here before we know it,” mark assured you.

“i wish she’d be here in the least amount of contractions and pain possible.”

“don’t worry, they’ll come give you drugs soon.” you smiled at him them. you spent the next few hours being checked by nurses routinely while you and mark did your best to entertain yourselves. your contractions started coming quicker, but it was still a long and painful process. when the clock hit a decent hour, mark called his parents to let them know where you both were, but told them it would probably still be a bit before anything happened. then he did the same with your parents.

you were just recovering from a particularly painful contraction when your nurse came in to check over you again. she smiled when she looked up to you.

“i think we’re almost ready. i’m gonna go get the doctor and we’ll be back in just a few minutes to start pushing okay?” you gave her a smile as she left but it quickly turned to a look of panic as you turned to mark.

“excited?” he asked, a smile on his face.

“i just realized i have to push a child out of me.” he grabbed your hand, squeezing it and pressing kisses to the back of it.

“you’re gonna do amazing, baby. you got this.” you took a deep breath, trying to prepare yourself. “i’ll be right here the whole time,” he reminded you.

“you’ll hold my hand the whole time?” he nodded. “even if i’m crushing it?” he laughed, nodding again.

“even if you’re crushing it.” he stood cleaning over you to give you a kiss. he pulled away just as the door opened and a few nurses came in, followed by your doctor.

“okay lovely!” she greeted you. “are we ready to have a baby?” you took a breath, mustering up a smile.

“i guess so.” she smiled, getting everything ready.

“we’re gonna push on the next contraction, okay?” you nodded, looking over to mark with a nervous expression.

“i’m right here,” he whispered. you let out a deep breath. you sat waiting for a moment, hating the anxiety of it and just wishing the pain would hit. and then it did. the doctor was reminding you to push and you did, almost crying at the pain. you felt hot all over and way too vulnerable for the amount of people in the room. the contraction passed and yet, the baby was still inside.

“you did good, mom. we’re gonna try again on the next one, okay?” you nodded, taking deep breaths as you recovered from what you had just done. one of the nurses tapped your doctor on the shoulder and leaned down to whisper something, then they both glanced up to the screen displaying your vitals. you glanced up as well, but couldn’t really decipher what you were seeing other than a high heart rate. that seemed pretty normal to you though after attempting to give birth, so you tried to brush it off. when you looked back to the doctor, you noticed the nurse leaving the room. you didn’t have much time to question anything though, as another contraction hit and you were being told to push again. you were slightly frustrated, as there was still no baby. your chest hurt and mark asked if you were okay.

“out of breath,” you said.

“how else do you feel, mom?” the doctor asked.

“is it normal to want to vomit?” you asked. you closed your eyes, focusing on breathing through it all. focusing on how your baby would be in your arms in just a few short minutes. the door to the room opened, the nurse from before standing in the doorway.

“OR is ready,” she said. your eyes opened, flying to your doctor who was now stood.

“OR?” mark asked.

“don’t worry. we have to go for an emergency c-section because of the symptoms she’s exhibiting but everything should be fine.” the nurses lifted the breaks off of the bed you rested on, starting to wheel it toward the door. “can you show him to the waiting room?” she asked a nurse.

“waiting room?” mark questioned, alarmed.

“you won’t be allowed into the operating room. once the baby is here, someone will come get you to see them,” the nurse explained, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“but i-“ he watched as you were wheeled out the door, but before you could get down the hallway, mark was by your side again. he reached for your hand, leaning over to give you a kiss. “everything’s found to be just fine, baby. i’ll see you in a bit, okay? just know i’m jealous you’ll get to see her first.” you gave him a weak laugh, and then they were wheeling you away. he watched until he couldn’t see you anymore, wiping a tear as he turned to the nurse. he followed her to the waiting room, thanking her when they arrived. he wasn’t expecting to see his parents sitting there.

“mark! is she here?” his mom asked, standing from her seat. she held a teddy bear in her hands while his dad held onto some balloons.

“um, not yet. y/n was pushing and then they had to take her for an emergency c-section.”

“oh.” his mom gave him a look of sympathy, pulling him into a hug.

“do you think she’ll be okay?” he asked, his voice shaky.

“they’re gonna do everything they can for her, okay?” he nodded, sniffling as he pulled away. his dad stood and gave him a quick hug as well, and then the three of them sat down. the waiting was excruciating, the minutes ticking by slower than mark had ever felt time pass before. he couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing, and eventually his mom rested her hand on his knee to calm him. he sighed, running a hand over his face.

“i should probably call her mom again. i called right after i called you guys earlier and said i’d call again when she got here. but…” he trailed off, thinking about having to drop the news on your parents. he stood, about to make his way outside when he heard your name being called out to the room. he looked up to see your doctor standing there, and she gave him a tight lipped smile when her gaze landed on him.

“the baby is perfectly healthy,” she said when she had met mark halfway across the room. mark let out a small breath.

“and y/n?”

“y/n suffered from amniotic fluid embolism. it’s when amniotic fluid gets into the mothers bloodstream.” marks chest started to hurt at the fact that he was getting an explanation instead of an answer. “it’s a very rapid onset, which is why we rushed her from the room. we did everything we could for her but unfortunately, she didn’t make it.”

it took a second for the words to register in marks brain. she didn’t make it. the ache in his chest turned to a stabbing pain and his legs gave out, causing him to fall to his knees. she didn’t make it. his ears were ringing and his whole body felt heavy. she didn’t make it. he barely felt arms wrapping around him from behind, or saw his dad in front of him trying to get his attention. she didn’t make it. he felt suffocated, pulling at the neck of his shirt to try and get some air into his lungs, but when he couldn’t, he stood. he would’ve apologized for almost knocking his mom over if he realized that he had done it, but instead he just made his way through the doors and into the chilly air outside. she didn’t make it. that’s when he screamed. he had tears streaming down his cheeks and he screamed, letting all of his emotions out as his brain finally caught up with the ache in his heart.

he collapsed to the ground again, sobbing as he leaned against a pillar. he grabbed at his hair, pulling at it until someone was gently coaxing the locks from his fingers. he looked up to see his mom, looking down at him with a pained expression. he just cried harder, leaning into her instead. he wrapped his arms around her, clutching at her shirt as he sobbed.

“why her? why can’t it be me instead? i can’t- i can’t do this without her!” his mom rubbed his back gently, resting her cheek against his head.

“i know, honey. it’s going to be rough. just let it out, okay?” mark cried until he couldn’t anymore, which took a long time. he was still sniffling, and he had a raging headache and puffy eyes. he pulled away from his mom eventually, leaning his back against the pillar that they were still sat next to. he looked up to the sky, and then his eyes landed on his dad. he was standing a few feet away and had obviously been crying as well.

“her parents are on their way,” he spoke softly and mark nearly thanked him. instead, he let out a mix between a scoff and a laugh.

“you were wrong, dad.” mark shook his head. “i never changed my mind, not once in fifteen years.” his dad looked at him slightly confused as mark took a second to compose himself. “i still really don’t want her to go.” his dad let out a laugh, causing mark to laugh as well, and soon the three of them were sitting outside of the hospital entrance laughing to themselves. when it died down, his dad came and took a seat next to him. he rested his arm over his shoulder, pulling him into a side hug for a moment.

“i know it’s been a bit of a rough day, but i do believe you have a daughter in there that would like to meet her dad.” mark smiled, then his lips quivered a bit.

“we had a name picked out… do you think she would mind if i changed it a bit?” marks mom smiled at him, her eyes watery as she knew just what he wanted to do.

“i think she would love that,” she said softly, reaching out to squeeze his arm in support. he smiled back, giving her a cute nod.

“well then, i believe it’s time to go meet isla y/n estapa,” he said, standing from his spot and making his way back into the hospital.

[rosewaves06]

A good portion of the umich live today!

[rosewaves06]

lacy | mark estapa

( mark estapa x fem!reader )

a/n: i know i should be working on my bday celly, but this song has been stuck in my head since i first heard it. olivia so perfectly captured the feeling of insecurities within girls and others. this is sooo short and it’s devastating writing mark angst, but i had to write something for this song!

warnings: mentions of being insecure, being led on, no part two!

Lacy, oh, Lacy

Skin like puff pastry

Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of Hell?

Dear angel Lacy

Eyes white as daisies

Did I ever tell you that I’m not doin' well?

the bar was loud- so loud it hurt your head. then again, maybe it was also the result of the countless drinks you’d lost track of, each one seemingly going down easier than the last.

why had you agreed to go there? why had you agreed to torture yourself?

just a week ago mark had his arm around you. he was whispering sweet nothings into your ear, giving you the impression he wanted more than to just be best friends. yet he never acted on it, never followed through. so you waited on this confusing limbo. you didn’t know what you were waiting for- perhaps for your crush on your best friend to magically disappear or for him to finally act on all those mixed signals.

now, mere days later, he had his arm around her- treating her as he had just treated you. his arm rested comfortably around her waist. their height difference made him have to lean down to whisper in her ear, just as he had done with you. and he looked at her with those unmistakable heart eyes. you wanted to believe that she had lured him in with some siren song, or maybe cast a spell on him, but you didn’t believe in magic. that’s why lacy almost didn’t seem real. she was impossibly perfect.

her long, blonde hair was tied back with delicate pink ribbons, matching with her adorable slip dress. but when you wore pink, it washed out all of your features, leaving you feeling less then feminine. with lacy, it was different. pink accentuated her plump red lips and those piercing blue eyes of hers. she embodied femininity in every way.

why couldn’t you look like that?

Smart, sexy Lacy

I'm losin’ it lately

I feel your compliments like bullеts on skin

Dazzling starlet

Bardot reincarnate

Wеll, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?

you were jolted as she gracefully moved away from mark and headed in your direction. she sent you the sweetest smile, showing off her pearly white teeth. it was the kind of smile that could uplift anyone that was lucky enough to see it.

“oh my goodness, you look like an actual goddess!” she complimented, her eyes filled with sincerity and awe. there was no devilish undertone or hidden agenda in her words, so why did it feel like bullets against your skin?

you smiled in return, yet it didn’t reach your eyes. “speaking of looking like a goddess, darling, that’s you.” you replied with sincerity, even though the gnawing feeling in your stomach hinted otherwise.

“thank you so much, cutie! i channeled my inner bardot with this look.” she said, though she didn’t need to channel anyone. she was a modern-day brigitte bardot herself. “anyways, catch you later; i’m going to get drinks for mark and me.” she beamed, planted a sweet kiss on your cheek, and strutted off to the bar.

you wanted so desperately to find a flaw, to mock her in some way, but it was impossibly- she was genuinely one of the sweetest people you’ve ever met, and it left you conflicted, torn between admiration and insecurity.

you couldn’t do this. you couldn’t sit here praying on the downfall of her and mark’s relationship. it was time to accept the painful truth: you were just a pawn in his game, leading him to her- his queen. your trembling fingers found their way to the heart pendant necklace around your neck, and with a determined tug, you broke the clasp. gazing at it in your palm, you remembered how mark got it for you for your one year ‘friendiversary’. what once was such a special piece of jewelry, was now a mockery of your failed relationship.

tears welled up in your eyes as you stomped over to mark. he didn’t notice you were next to him until you shoved his shoulder. he looked at you with confusion as you opened his hand, shoving the golden pendant within it.

“what’s going on?” he asked, peering down at the necklace. “why are you giving this to me?” foolish was the only word that could describe him.

“i can’t be friends with you anymore, mark. you’re tearing me apart and i don’t even think you notice it.” you confessed, tears streaming down your face. his eyes were laced with hurt. what had he done to lose his best friend?

“y/n-”

“no, don’t say anything!” you snapped, your breath hitching in your throat. “you don’t get to say anything after what you did to our friendship. you ruined it! you’re the one who ruined it.” your words were slurred, fueled by the alcohol coursing through your veins.

he didn’t respond or ask for clarification; you both knew exactly what had been done to ruin such a solid connection.

as the weight of your confession hung in the air, you turned away from who once was your world, leaving him behind with the heart pendant in his open palm. there was a whirlwind of emotions coursing through you- pain, anger, and an overwhelming sense of betrayal.

pushing through the crowd, you made your way to the exit. lacy waved you bye, clueless of what had just happened.

you stepped out of the bar into the darkness. tears clung to your lashes, but you didn’t let them fall. your phone vibrated in your pocket, but you ignored it- too nervous that you’d see mark’s contact picture staring back at you.

and you left, leaving everything you once cared about behind you; leaving that cruel chapter of your life in the darkness of the open night.

Lacy, oh, Lacy

It's like you're out to get me

You poison every little thing that I do

Lacy, oh, Lacy

I just loathe you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you