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You are not birthing an Ishmael but you are birthing Promise.  (Genesis 16)

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The Beginning of Sorrows

I have not had a great love in my life. A divorce, great sex, decent company...yes. But, not a great love filled with passion, support, maturity and longsuffering. A couple years back I was in this "situationship" that milked from me some of the most mind blowing organisms I have never had before in any of my previous sexual embarkments. And they were very giving. Multiple in most of our sessions. I didn't think it possible. I enjoyed sex before him. What I had settled for in receipt from past scratching were pleasing enough to my fleshly desires. And I surrendered to the conclusion that I was one of those women that could not experience the impact of them. Odd to credit, but I actually have to thank God for His Mercy and Grace in that particular situation because this man gave into all my desires. Desires of touch, word affirmations and such attention to detail. He was not a selfish lover.

The Selfishness that was my own, ended up as saving Grace that came in the package of my being so emotionally monopolized. As I was consumed emotionally in grief. The lost of a mother first in the battle of sickness then the final conquer of death, can bind someone like myself in the chains of whatever measures discovered to numb the pain. To disassociate oneself from reality and find peace by any means necessary. By the time I partook with this man in the sin of the sheets, I would not be bound there by the heart but by need. A need so great that I compromised to fill it. Not only in fornication but this man was not mine to have as he was another's. It was that reality, and the reality of my either having to smoke a joint, or have a strong drink, to carry through with the pleasure I was seeking that would eventually become the catalyst to the repair of the moral compass within me.

I found my way back to God. Better yet in the midst of the cannabis smoke that encased the space in my bedroom, God intercepted what was damaging me and lit a path for a way back to Him. Where I once moved very arrogantly in the total rubbish of a hardened heart. Bound in iniquity. The thing that would undo me. This peace I found brought many sorrows. This confliction of dreadful and wonderful, wrong and right felt feeling that brought me to tears afterward would end friendships, gain me my first STD in 42 years of life and almost literally a slipping away of my core self as I could no longer be recognized and I loathed who I was becoming. And that is how we become undone. Peace is mine to have already through Christ. The Holy Spirit of the Living God is a comforter. And dare I say it but, so is the bliss of experiencing a man that way. It is God that said that it is not good for man to be alone. That He would give us the desires of our hearts according to His will. That if we seek the kingdom of God all will be added to us. We become undone and bring to ourselves great sorrow when we go after these things without first surrendering to the Will of God over our lives. He will hold no good thing from us. They again are ours to have. As man cannot live on bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God let patience have its perfect work. In the wilderness Jesus also was tempted to give into his flesh to take possession of what was already His, but the only way to numb the pain was to obtain it under the surrendering to the flesh and bowing to Satan. Making His desires bigger than God. No one likes the crushing. Even now I am experiencing a crushing and I have a peace that makes no sense. Patience is the fruit of the Spirit that allows us to have these things in God's perfect timing.. And it is mine already...

Prayer: Thank you Lord for seeing me, Thank you for your ministering angels to strengthen me and deliver me. Thank you for increasing my awareness of the Spirit within me to discern, catch and bind anything that may try to undo me. Thank you for a true peace. A peace that will bring to me no sorrow. Your peace is a perfect peace. A peace that makes no sense and surpasses all understanding. Your name a strong tower. My strong foundation. I bless you Lord.

Amen

Psalm 103:17, Romans 8:28, Galatians 5, Matthew 4, 1 Peter 5:8, Proverbs 10:22, Matthew 6:33, Psalm 23

Mercy is in the conversion of the ashes of past to turn into a beautiful triumph against an undoing of who I really am, in Christ, my true core.

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Ashes

How can I show you the beauty without being transparent about the ashes. Where is the glory of God in that. To let you see the final without praying your faith and prayers upon me to see the during. Where's the glory in that? God is above all things, even the thought of me in my sins. I hate here, because this is the here, where I am most aware. Planted in a season of wilderness but pushing to stay pure. There's a saying that isn't fully biblically by chapter and verse, yet it is implied in the Joshua Spirit and feverous. Sometimes, Most times you are the first bible anyone will read!!!!

Matthew 11:6

aND BLESSED IS HE, WHOSOEVER SHALL NOT BE OFFENDED IN ME. aND AS THE DEPARTED, JESUS BEGAN TO SAY UNTO THE MULTITUDES CONCERNING JOHN, wHAT WENT YE OUT INTO THE WILDERNESS TO SEE? A REED SHAKEN WITH THE WIND? BUT WHAT WENT YE OUT SEE?

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#showyourselftobeGod #Iknowwhoyouare #JohovahJireh #Youcannotfailme #Won'tstopbelieving

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"Valuables"

A homeowner has just been robbed. An owner of a beautiful structured property that have been paid for with a price has been robbed. Their valuables stolen. Their private property tossed to and from. The thieves had zero amount of respect for the property. Evident by the left muddy footprints and knocked over fixtures illuminating the path they took, as they went from room to room bagging the things they deemed good for the taking. And then they left. They left the place dirty and turned upside down. This now trampled property no longer resembles the vision the homeowner had when the property was purchased. In an "If these walls could talk" like imagination the memories of laughter, love, and growth of the family is now changed in a new conversation with a memory that will cause being within them, not at all the same. If you have ever been robbed then you would understand that your peace and sense of security and safety has also been ripped from you right along side your stuff. What's the next step after you have been robbed? To phone the police right? Yes of course! It is time to get the authorities involved. They are the authority that can pursue the retrieval of your things and arrest the criminals. When the police arrive it is their duty to take the report and note the incident as you describe what happened. In this case the police looked to the homeowner and asked, "How did the thieves get passed the alarm system, through the locks and finally through and pass the door entry way into the home?" Now imagine their response to the homeowner when they admit and say..."I disarmed the alarm, unlocked the door and let them pass." Could you imagine their response! Their faces!? Their Questions? What would yours be in this moment? I hope it is obvious that this story is completely fictional. At least I think it is not something that can actually happen. But I wanted to give you the visual that the Lord gave me when I asked Him about our enemy. (John 10:10) The thief comes only in order to steal, kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, life in its fullest measure.

(James 4:7) Therefore, submit to God. Moreover, take a stand against the Adversary, and he will flee from you.

(Luke 10:19) Remember, I have given you authority; so you can trample down snakes and scorpions, indeed, all the Enemy's forces, and you will remain completely unharmed.

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Red Flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩

"Instead of changing your thoughts, change your relationship to the thoughts."

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"You are NOT the Father!!"

Maury Povich is a now retired television personality best known for hosting the tabloid talk show self titled "Maury ". Which aired from 1991 to 2022. [Stay with me, I am going somewhere.] On this very popular viewed NBC show, we saw a number of tale tellers caught by lie detectors and DNA testing. Maury, after a very rowdy and argumentative interview, would call for the results. The results would be handed to him by an employee in the audience. And Maury would open the sealed envelope and read the results. To the lies detected and registered during the test he would answer with, "The lie detector test determined, that was a lie!" and to the DNA test he would say "In the case of (baby's name) you are NOT the father!" Reactions were explosive as guest, disappointed by the results, ran off the stage in screams and fallouts.

James 4:7 (CJB) Therefore, submit to God. Moreover, take a stand against the Adversary, and he will flee from you.

I hope you didn't think that I would dare change the format that God gave me and turn this Altar into a blog discussing the career of retired talk show hosts. No way would I do that! But I wanted to give you the visual that God gave me as I was reading a book authored by Joyce Myer titled "Do it Afraid". In chapter 2 under the "Choose Faith" section she wrote, "We can conquer fear, but only with faith. When the devil tells us, 'You can't,' we should remember that God tells us, 'You can.' I wrote right in the book, which is why it's hard to lend any of my books out, what Holy Spirit spoke to me. He whispered, "Use your lie detector". And I literally heard Maury's voice speak his iconic lines.

Grab your bibles…

In spiritual revelation I comprehended that it is important for us as Children of God to learn and internalize down to our bones what being Children of God means. We must breathe that thing like air. It is important for us to allow the Spirit of our Father to raise us and renew both our minds and hearts (Ezekial 36:26), (Romans 12:2). It is important for us to receive and accept the new creature we are in Christ, (2 Corinthias 5:17). And if we do not know, then we must read His word and learn (Hosea 4:6), (2 Timothy 2:15). So when the enemy comes against us with words that contradict the council of God concerning us, (Jeremiah 29:11), we can use the Word of God and the Spirit of God, our helper, (John 15:26), and detect the lies. So in the example of Maury, we would say as in Spiritual resistance and rebuke to the tale telling of the Adversary, "My spiritual lie detector has determined, that is a lie!".

We are letting the enemy have his way with us. As my Pastor would say, depression, anxiety, worry, doubt and fear are not a fruit of the Spirit given us by God (2 Timothy 1:7), but they are oppressors from the enemy, and our own self inflictions. Dead fruit.

And to the tittle of this blog; when you are failing to operate, or struggling to fully operate, hindered by fear, in a gift or ministry given you by God: when the lies of the Adversary tries to come against you walking in your call of God or anything that you know is birthed through you by God the Father. Simply rebuke the enemy and say that "In the case of anything my Father has for me to do for the Kingdom of Glory, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER"! Listen, he has no say in how you raise up the gifts and talents given you! So when we resist his tactics and positioning as if he has parental say, as the scripture is written he will run off the stage and away from you!

Proverbs 18:20-21 (Amplified Bible) A man's [moral] self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; and with the consequence of his words he must be satisfied [whether good or evil]. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].

Change your talk! Change and renew your mind! Choose life! Produce Spiritual fruit! (Galatians 5:22-23)

Prayers and Blessings.

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Beauty for Ashes

Isaiah 61 King James Version

61 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;

3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

4 And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

5 And strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, and the sons of the alien shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers.

6 But ye shall be named the Priests of the Lord: men shall call you the Ministers of our God: ye shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, and in their glory shall ye boast yourselves.

7 For your shame ye shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.

8 For I the Lord love judgment, I hate robbery for burnt offering; and I will direct their work in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

9 And their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people: all that see them shall acknowledge them, that they are the seed which the Lord hath blessed.

10 I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.

11 For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown in it to spring forth; so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

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"We!"

On October 3rd of 2021 I walked into a church service on a mission to rededicate my life back to God. At 40 I made a proclamation that this time I will not backslide. This time I will not "WOO HOO!" and forget God when it got too good. I will not forget Him and "WOAH!" without him when it got too bad. I will not allow distraction. I won't reject or turn off a road that I knew I was supposed to be directing my traffic on. This time no matter what, I will pick up my cross and follow God. This time I will not wait until I think I have it all together, have all sins at bay or even have a mind that was totally sold out and made up. This time I was going to truly come the way that I am and fight to be transformed through a God who is bigger than any thing, any issues, any struggles and any demons I show up with. On October 3rd I did that. And today November 29th I am still on that road.

There are so may crosses to share that I've had to carry and some that I am currently carrying to it's death during this journey. Those obvious ones of the flesh and the mind and the will. And rest assure I will share those in writings to come. In this blog I am going to start with one not so obvious. At least not obvious at first to me but yet a rather important one. To be completely transparent, it is one I did not even look at as something of a cross that needed to picked up, and carried, as I followed until very recently.

Joshua 24:15 CJB (If it seems bad to you to serve ADONAI, then choose today whom you are going to serve! Will it be the gods your ancestors served beyond the River? Or the gods of the Emori, in whose land you are living? As for me and my household, we will serve ADONAI!)

One very hard pill to swallow is the realization that as I dipped out, then back in, then out, then in again in submission to God over the course of a couple decades, in tow my entire household was also pulled in then out then in again under my leadership. When I took my faith and buried it by the wayside I dragged my children's faith along with it. My children who believes in God. Who knows the sacrifice of Jesus' death on the cross for our sins. Have seen His signs and wonders. When they were younger worshiping as freely as I was. But today one is an entire adult and the others are now very big teenagers. They have grown very comfortable with their atmosphere. And the doctrine thereof. Babysat by worldly things while I did me. While I worked tirelessly. While I ventured out in midnight rendezvous and druken nights. Through no fault of their own they have forgotten God. To be clear this isn't a cult thing, I'm not forcing them to believe. My sons believe they have just been allowed not to care. They have been groomed to live somewhat lukewarm. They have been abandoned Spiritually and therefore sucked into this worldly belief system of acknowledging that there is a God without having any intimacy and or interaction with Him. Have been neglected in ignorance (the not knowing) of how to serve God. What His promises are and how we should live righteously. (Hosea 4:6)

I have not been a good steward over many gifts God has given me. My children is an important gift. There are many teachings on how we are to raise our children. Our relationship in turn reflects to their relationship with God. So it is more than taking them to church on Sunday. Just as we shouldn't only worship God and or live righteously on Sunday the same is meant to be said about how the atmosphere should change in the household. More dinners together. Family days out and time where we are all in the same space. Reading together, praying together, playing and laughing together. Talking to one another. And dare I say it? Family counseling. It has already been quite a challenge just getting them to church lol. Throughout the year I have been quite passive about collecting their resolve and pushing the agenda. Made excuses and left them to their own devices. Hoping that by watching their mom come and go to church, or study, or listen to music and worship in the home would be enough to encourage them. Enough to motivate them toward salvation. But it hasn't been, and daily I feel the conviction of half doing the job. What they see is a relationship I am having with God and I am failing to introduce them to Him. Imagine being in a relationship with a person that never meets your children. How odd would that seem? How important would the children feel in that sort of senerio? How important are your children to you in that viewpoint?

This is my cross to bear as their mother. I am praying that as we move forward together. As I give all to the Lord that will show me the way. And as I show them the way. The result would then be a way that they won't depart. (Proverbs 22:6)

I am sure there will be many updates to come, and I will gladly share them.

Matthew 16:24-26 Complete Jewish Bible

24 Then Yeshua told his talmidim, “If anyone wants to come after me, let him say ‘No’ to himself, take up his execution-stake, and keep following me. 25 For whoever wants to save his own life will destroy it, but whoever destroys his life for my sake will find it. 26 What good will it do someone if he gains the whole world but forfeits his life? Or, what can a person give in exchange for his life?

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Could you imagine the biblical men and women of God whose inspiring examples of faith and power of God would have been lossed if they had done this! Imagine again the many who you would inspire if you do!?

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And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this? Esther 4:14

Read her story!

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Manna! Exodus 16:4 Then The Lord said unto Moses, "Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you. And the people shall go out and gather a certain quota every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in My law or not.

This holiday season is a little challenging because I cannot go all in like I used to. Past holidays I had over relatives, who now I barely hear from, and my mom, who is no longer with us. We would fill my house with laughter and drinks while I supplied the bomb buffet. This year I felt the pressures of the holiday! But God provided again His MANNA that came to my front door. I didn't have to seek and search out a give away. Try to secure a ride or stand anywhere. Or spend a large amount on groceries because you know inflation would eat my EBT card up! Then leave me wondering for the rest of the month! It was delivered to us!! Right to my front door unexpectedly.

I do not post this to play a violin strung story to tug anyone's giving heart. But to share that for some reason, and one for my good, God has me in a season of transparency and dependence, to a point where that, those who know me know, is so humbling it hurts.

It's the independence He is purging. That "I can do it on my own!" Spirit that can translate into our Spiritual walk and hinder the hand God wants to reach out to us. I'm guilty of subconsciously smaking it away with "I got it.." He wants me to not only know but see within this living world that He is a living God that has my back!!!

Here is the you should know section: This season is a testing of your commitment to Him. As well as a testing of my own loyalties to Our Lord and Savior. Will you and I be good stewards over what He gives us! Come here stimulus lol. How many of us blew that? No judgment my hand is also raised. Will we leave the season too early? Resulting in the abortion of our promises because we are uncomfortable. Or even more terrifying never seeing the promise because we were disobedient. Hebrews 3:7

Praises to the most High..... Prayers and Blessings

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Spiritual Anxiety Treatment

Yesterday I spent a lot of my afternoon in traffic court. If you have never been to traffic court let me explain for you how it works. When you arrive for your appearance you sit in a room with many other individuals. Other Defendants with violations either similar to yours, more minute than yours, and others who, in my personal opinion, could have used a bit more privacy when discussing their case. If your appointment is at 2 do not expect to look at the clock on the wall and see the big hand on the number twelve and the little one on the number 2 and hear your name called. That time stamp on your appointment letter is just a window. You will sit there and listen to everyone who is called before you. In open court! So while you are scheduled for a particular time, you may very well be called up after that time has come and gone. If you haven't guessed already, my appointment was, indeed, scheduled for 2 p.m. I received a ride as I am currently without transportation, so I got there at about 1:30. I was not called up to present case until a quarter to 3. So that made my sitting, listening and watching duration time of a little over a hour.

As I was sitting, listening and watching I noticed something. The people sitting with me waiting their turn to approach the judge had body language screaming of impatience and anxiety. There was a gentlemen up to present his case who you can tell had anxiety that was in high degree. He kept asking the same set of questions over and over. He kept overly explaining. Lost his train of thought. And just could not register the directions the Judge tried mapping out for him. So much so, that the judge had to ask the gentlemen to calm down, take a breath and listen. While he was in his struggle I noticed the impatience of those still in wait. Every time he spoke you would see a few drop their head backwards, sigh heavily, and rub their face in frustration. There was even a lady who under her breath angrily whispered "come on!". I chuckled a little as I thought what could they be in a hurry to do!? You are literally about to approach to get a fine or driving privileges revoked. Why are you guys in a hurry to do that!?

Why was I so calm you may ask that I can sit and watch all of this. Well before I got there although I had an outcome in mind... I understood that all things are subject to our Lord! I gave my problems to God and declared that "All things will work out for the good!" (Romans 8:28). And guess what!! I did NOT get the outcome I desired! I bet that you thought I was going to say that God worked it out in my favor right then and there! NOPE!! He did not! I even felt disappointment and emotion gather at the seat of my throat! Then I walked for 1 hour from court back home! In the cold and in a body very much out of shape! How was I able to deal and not buckle! Well because of faith. Faith to "walk and not faint", (Isaiah 40:31).

But, there are days like today. A day where I am experiencing anxiety or sadness that seems to enter out of nowhere to try to mentally arrest me, but truly verses like Philippians 4:6-7 which reads, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, Letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces (take over the place, position, or role of [someone or something]) worry at the center of your life." (message version)... This scripture helps to sync me back to a sound mind. The mind in which is of the Spirit I have been given. It's human to feel things when dealing with the hard and tough during a certain season. But I do find that when I get raw before God about what I'm feeling, even in my anger, the Spirit always seem to guide me into a praising of who God is and who He is in me and who I am in Him. When I get off the floor the situation doesn't change. But the instant gratification that I can celebrate, is that my relationship to the situation does. And I am more hopeful in faith than I was before I got down there. I understand that Prayer with a solid relationship with God in Spirit and Truth can truly help the unbelief (if we're honest) that we can sometimes have. Unbelief that keeps your worship dry or in your seat during service. Unbelief that keeps you uninspired during a powerful message of God in your word or from your Pastor. Unbelief that keeps you circling the drain in the sink of your pain, burdens and hopelessness. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul is more about knowing that no matter what is happening externally, spiritually and internally God is working something out in you and for you! This is why in court although I saw and heard a lot of external disappointments I was able to see the lesson God was teaching me Spiritually. Eyes unveiled! Anxiety at bay!!

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👋🏽Hi! 🤍💙💜❤️

This morning I ventured out to the grocery store after my school drop offs. I went to grab breakfast items in an effort to prevent my self from having green beans another morning.🙃! My cashier was such a bright spirit 🥰. After we exchange "how do you dos", she recalled that she didn't get much sleep last night. We began talking a bit when the gentlemen behind me, who seemed to know her, could not wait patiently for his turn to converse with her. Breaking in he asked her how she was and where she is staying. She responded that she is at a hotel because her house had been destroyed in a fire. Recently. My eyes widened as I asked her if that was why she was losing sleep. She smiled and said "No, I was up doing laundry. 🥹 I am still pressing!." After blessing each others day after a few Amens I left feeling very encouraged by her! And my thoughts regarding her...(She is in the eye of the storm!)

🎺 While moving in with it's intimidating winds, heavy rains and thunder clashes, the eye of the storm is the calmest, with no wind at the center and typically clear skies. In stages of the severity the eye is 15% less on impact, than what's going on around it. When I think of this spiritually I am reminded of the 3 Hebrew boys refusal to submit to conflicting customs, gods, and ceremonies that directly opposes their own. They refused to accept what was going on around them. They refused to internalize the external threat to their peace, their comfort, their help, their strength, their hope, their love, their joy, their identity, their truth, their God. Threatened by the furnace hot with flames, they kept their vision, their eye, on the true living God! Thrown into the furnace, they kept their eye, vision, on the true living God! Though the flames sought out around them they were in the Vision of the supernatural saving Grace of God!

This is all to say that there are things happening around you! In your mind, in your house, in the world! Though the proximity may be close know that God is with you. Like The winds he calmed for the Diciples on the boat, God has you in the eye as well! Without submission of your peace, comfort, help, strength, hope, love, joy, identity truth in God, Keep your faith and trust in Him! It is in His strength that you are able to do and suffer all things regardless of what troubles swarm around you.

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5 posts!

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When the Thunder hit while in the boat with Jesus I grab scriptures a cup of coffee and this song and snuggle in His presence. If He isn't worried I am not either!!!