rodentchild

[rodentchild]

i cant believe sam reich created and funded a commit to the bit competition featuring the most known commit to the bit comedians in the dropout-sphere and then was surprised with how hard they all committed to the bit.

sam fr thank you for this masterpiece

[rodentchild]

Just an fyi some of your mutuals are egregious cunts. lol

why do u think they’re my mutuals bitch

[rodentchild]

i want a penis but also i would get a boner from a stiff breeze. i would get hard from biting a particularly crisp apple

[rodentchild]

I feel like I’ve seen this before, but in case it was a product of a fever dream I had recently I want to let you in on it.

Whenever I have a rough day I like to go read through the “Aliases” section on Kipperlilly Copperkettle’s Dimension 20 Wiki page

I truly think that her name was said wrong much more often than it was said right, especially by Adaine

Kristen really said “what are you, four dogs?” And that was it man, cursed to Wrong Name for the rest of the campaign

If anyone has done this already I’m Sorry, and do you want to come up with more Kipperlilly aliases together

[rodentchild]

[rodentchild]

a scooby doo series set in community college where the gang is in a criminology class and end up in a huge debate on the first day of class that leads to them starting a podcast talking about local urban legends, only to realize things aren’t quite adding up and they go to investigate for ~journalistic authenticity~ and end up solving a real-life crime disguised as supernatural occurrences. this happens every week and they’re frequently featured on the school newspaper. they only have twenty listeners

[rodentchild]

Can’t find this anywhere on tumblr so I’m being the change I wanna see in the world

[rodentchild]

I find it incredibly impressive that Jacob Wysocki literally has the holy trinity of douchebag hairdos (full mullet, mustache, and rattail/padawan braid) and yet remains an insanely likable and attractive person. Also he can rock overalls. Absolute legend.

[rodentchild]

I just have to get real with you...

[rodentchild]

Costume. Chitons.

[rodentchild]

"60-70,000 geese" is the new "i found 100,000 dollars"

[rodentchild]

And here we find a rare instance of a Humans Are Space Orcs post from Tiktok that isn't an AI voice reading a reddit post over a minecraft video.

[rodentchild]

of course it's when I'm in the middle of taking a shit when the A/C tech guy shows up

[rodentchild]

[rodentchild]

"the ides of march". "neil banging out the tunes". "superputinelection"

[rodentchild]

Shit I've Heard or Said as Prompts Part 24

"Stop talking with that flaccid-ass cigar in your mouth!"

"Bro, I did not think that influenza meant the flu!"

"I signed up for this astronomy class to make a solar system and talk about Pluto and shit. I did not sign up for pointing a stick at the sun and doing calculus about it."

"They tryna fuck but their dick don't work!"

"I think he's allergic to helping."

"I'd call you pathetic, but I feel like that'd be overestimating you."

"Your boobs are made to be latched onto!"

"Hug me with both arms, you prick bastard!"

"That's not what a moose sounds like, you deranged fool!"

"Who the fuck is Lisa and why is she moaning!" "The... The Mona Lisa?"

"We're gonna get shit-faced and play with fireworks!"

"I'm not gonna judge you for drinking chocolate milk. I am gonna judge you for putting ice in it."

"That's 'cause I don't like, trust, or feel safe around you."

"You're a biology major, I'm sure you can figure out how a trash bag works."

"A happy marriage is boring!"

"That's the opposite of bestie privilege. Bestie burden."

"I'm Jewish, I can't do the Roman Salute! It's not kosher!"

"I won't accept any criticism. He's a silly little guy and he is perfect."

"At least I can say my coffee is a respectable color!"

"I pay taxes! I deserve those rocks on the side of the road!"

"You say that like you haven't seen me stick worse things in my mouth."

"Fightin' for my life in that bathroom, now I gotta act normal?! Bullshit!"

"Which path do you choose: goth or horse girl?"

"Patriotism but make it pastel."

"The man at the corner store likes me so I get free soda."

"What do you want as your last meal before it's just tequila for four days?"

"I get BBC every morning! I'm very passionate about the weather!"

"Why would I yield? The road is mine."

"So those are the thoughts that don't get filtered out by the brain, right? You must be fascinating while drunk, then."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I didn't think someone might want the dregs from my soup can!"

[rodentchild]