robinberries - Tumblr blog

[robinberries]

fresh start but my head is still stuck in the past

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one month and counting but it still hurts like a bitch

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i hate you for ghosting me

so much for slatt, huh?

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still miss you

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engraved on my brain now….

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bad decision making 101

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it’s been five months and i still miss you

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today is your day asshole

(i miss you)

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today i had to say goodbye to someone that i love very much, because it was time for him to return home. my home became his second home, and while he arrived a stranger, he left as someone with a place in my heart as though he had been my brother by blood. it hurts to say goodbye to someone you love, but the opportunity to have even gotten to know him was incredible and entirely worth the tears and heartbreak of today. we might never meet again in person, but we will not fade apart easily, because i will fight tooth and nail to keep my chosen brother in my life for as long as he’ll stay there.

and to him: we didn’t always get along, but every day we did was a day worth knowing you, and i regret nothing of the time you were here. the laughs of this year and the tears of saying goodbye this morning are so much more precious to me than anything. even if it’s years in the future, i promise that we will see each other again, because i believe that you are a person worth having in my life. i wish you the best of luck, and i hope to speak with you soon. te quiero muchísimo <3

(ps. you give the best hugs and i wish only that i had gotten more before you left)

[robinberries]

🌱🌿🌳🍀🐝🌲🌿🌱🐝🌳🌿🌱🌲🌿🍀

bumblebees in the forest

🌳🌲🌳🌳🌲🌳🌳🌳🌲

Tiny forest for your dash

[robinberries]

you say it's my villain era and what you mean is that when you were six you panicked about wearing the right thing to kindergarten, what you mean is that in middle school nobody was eating, what you mean is that you spent high school prepping for college and college prepping for adulthood and adulthood fucking lost in the system.

what you mean is that you've been good. you were a good team player. you would have never considered yourself perfectionist - those are people more popular, prettier, more successful - but you carry any flaw like a secret in you, terrified someone will desert you for the simple reality of your personhood.

if you were good you could be loved. you could be loved if you were selfless and thoughtful and caring. if you bent over for every person, if you went above-and-beyond, it would absolve you of who you actually were. deep down, how horrible that you had needs. that you had boundaries, that you had desires. you learned young that you cannot afford to cut people out of your life - you would have nothing left. it is better to live in the service of others, to supplicate. to worship. you weren't exceptional, you had to make up for it in some way. to prove to others you were worthy.

if they need you, it's the same thing as loving you. if you are always-there, always-listening, always-friendly, you are filling a role. you have a purpose. you are living correctly.

villain era, you repeat. you mean: yesterday you finally told a man no. for hours afterwards, you couldn't control your heartbeat. you mean: you've been saying positive affirmations on repeat, trying to teach yourself any new thing about how self care is necessary. you mean: three weeks ago, due to a scheduling conflict, you finally told a coworker that no, you couldn't do them a "quick favor". you have felt bad about that ever since. sure, it would have made you work late and it would have been extra stress - but you feel bad about it nevertheless.

you tell your therapist you have been leaning into evil. she asks what that means. when you tell her: sometimes i prioritize my own needs, she doesn't find it funny. she looks at you a long time.

"and that's evil?" she clarifies.

"well," you say. "feels evil to me."

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listening to your favorite songs and reading can be something so personal

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Reblog this daily for health & prosperity

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music in spanish >>

i say this as someone who was raised in a spanish speaking home and watches too many novelas but has poor speaking skills

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listening to the offspring