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YZY 2o2o
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Pro bros Kyle Walker and Chima Ferguson do the old over under while down under during a recent filming trip in Melbourne.
Back both bros with new spring colorways of the Kyle Walker Pro at vans.com/KyleWalker and be a Chima too in Chima’s all new Chima Pro 2 at vans.com/Chima.
Photo: Jake Darwen
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2018. personal retrospective.
March 21st UPDATE: The first words of this letter had been written in January 2019. As I’ve got to the final part of the text I started asking myself if I should share it. I’ve got to the conclusion that writing with a public in my mind constrains my thoughts and I’ve started to write what someone might want to read instead of the truth I felt I needed to spill out. So I did not share it until the moment I was truly convinced that it'd reached the final form.
I have recently made some decisions that changed the way I live on a daily basis. What are the motives of these decisions?
Beside the fact that I want to become the best version of myself (obviously, I think everyone does), I want to get to the point where I will provide for my family & close friends and, along this road, I will create some sort of a get-together space where hard-working people could meet and share ideas/a meal. Like a group-crew-gathering-hub-coworking-space.
Nevertheless, the biggest long-term goal I want to achieve is building a school that will facilitate education for romanian students, offering them the opportunity to grow both intellectually and in spirit.
In order to get all this done, I am forced to find a way to gain financial power & develop meaningful relationships with great people activating in various environments.
After doing some soul searching and spending part of my spare time (last 2 years) learning about web development and web design, I’ve decided that I will become a full-stack web developer. I’ve been thinking about it for at least 2 years but I’ve never had the guts to start doing it as I was feeling as an impostor in the world of informational technology, although I really enjoy reading and talking with people about everything related to what a great impact technology had and will have on humanity. Of course, I know that I’m not a scientist and I will never be, but I’ve spent the last 5 to 6 years studying advertising, marketing & videography and I feel pretty confident that these areas will offer me some kind of advantage in the web development space.
In the short-term, I need to find out what am I currently doing that’s helping me become the person I want to become and what am I currently not doing that could improve the process of getting there. The next part of this text is inspired by Nate Green and will show the answers to the problems stated above.
QUESTION 1: What’s working? What did I do right? What am I proud of?
Started some kind of physical training: Crossfit.
Started reading more insightful books: Sapiens by Yuval N. Harari, Deep work by Cal Newport, Grit by Angela Duckworth, The hard thing about hard things by Ben Horowitz etc.
On January 1st 2018 I challenged myself to shoot and share one photo per day trying to find out if I truly enjoy photography & if I can make it by 31st December 2018. Being one of the most serious quitters I know, this has been pretty difficult for me. (Probably sounds stupid, I know, but I need to emphasise the fact that if a simple task like this one seems so difficult to me, it will probably be much harder trying to do more meaningful work.) Also, this task helped me realise Instagram is one of the most toxic environments you can spend time on. So, naturally, this led to the next point.
Quit social media: facebook & instagram.
Quit the job that I didn’t find meaning in anymore.
Started developing a business plan for my future career.
Beside those presented above, I really enjoyed visiting new places that I’ve never travelled to before, like:
Berlin, Germany
Oslo, Norway
and managed to see Kendrick Lamar in concert for the first time. Brilliant man, great show, tough crowd.
QUESTION 2: What’s not working? What could be improved? What are my biggest opportunities for growth?
I don’t have a pre-made daily schedule. Most of the time I lose energy and a lot of minutes/hours trying to figure out what is the best action that I should take next in order to get closer to what I thought were the goals I was pursuing.
I am currently finding myself in a financial crisis. I don’t know how much money I spend monthly. I have never kept any kind of budget. I have very little money saved and by August 2019, I will run out of it (In addition to this, I feel I have to share the fact that before quitting, I had a serious talk with my parents [happens not so often as you would think] and they told me that if I am in need of financial help, they will be there for me. This does not mean that I will get advantage of this situation but it does mean that if all goes to sh*t I will not be homeless. Nonetheless, living and working in Romania is pretty demoralising and in 5 to 10 years my parents won’t be able to deploy as much work as they do now and I definitely want to help them live a better life.)
The points mentioned above are on my mind since the beginning of 2018 but I thought that by ignoring them and trying to keep myself busy all the time, I will manage to get to a point where it will all work out. Needless to say these thoughts developed into more serious issues that affected both my personal and professional life.
Although I started attending Crossfit training approximatively 3 months ago, I still don’t have any kind of schedule set for this activity and in the last 50 days I’ve found myself skipping most of the classes. Of course, part of this can be forgiven (holidays) but a lot of the time was wasted.
QUESTION 3: How can I fix what’s not working? What specific things can I focus on next time?
Creating a yearly-monthly-daily plan. In order to get things done I will make a plan that will simplify the decision-making I will have to do every day. I need to:
Define clearly, as specific as possible, what the goals are.
How much time will it take me to get there? As in, what is the exact date I assume that “X” will happen?
Start reverse engineer the process.
Set specific daily steps -> monthly steps -> yearly steps -> GOAL.
Stop bleeding financially. Get to financial freedom. In order to get to the point where I will provide for my family and friends I first need to take care of my financial problems. I will create an excel sheet where I’ll put all my monthly expenses. After I find out what is the total sum of money I owe, and how much do I need to live a decent life, I will work as hard and as organised as I plan in order to:
Pay off my debt. Normally, I would describe this as the second step but as I don’t really owe that much money and as I don’t like being in this kind of situation, I will take care of it first.
Start saving for an emergency fund. 1000$. start small. I’ve never done this before so I expect to find it very difficult.
Start saving 6 to 12 months of expenses. This, like the emergency fund, represent savings that I will only access if I will get through some tough times like not finding any new clients or projects that I could take.
Start saving for retirement. as I will get done with the previous steps I should start looking for an efficient retirement fund/investment method. I expect this to happen at least 3 years from now so, for the moment, my focus will be on the first 2 steps.
Organising time. The difference between being able to reach my goals in 10 years vs. 30 years is crucial and I think that those 20 years can be saved by creating and, more importantly, STICKING TO a daily schedule. Most of the time I lose myself in the process of finding the best tool to keep track of the process. This time I will try to keep it as simple as possible. Beside the big picture excel sheet, I will use pen & paper to write the tasks for the next day.
Start attending Crossfit training at least 3 times/week. Go +1 day when available.
I haven’t lived very much but, up until this point in my life, I’ve met a lot of great humans that helped me develop into what I am today. From that crowd I can name 7 people or less that, whenever I’m in need, will put their best interest behind and help me succeed. One of these people is my girlfriend. As I’ve previously said, in 2018 I’ve had a lot on my mind and this reflected on my professional life, as well as on my personal life. I took the advice Elon Musk shared last year (“The reality is great highs, terrible lows and unrelenting stress. Don’t think people want to hear about the last two.”) and I’ve never really talked to anyone about what was troubling me. Not even to the person I’ve spent the most time with. And that’s not because I didn’t think she could help me, but I didn’t want her to worry about some issues that we’re not even hers to deal with, in the first place. This miscommunication led to some other issues and tension started to develop between us. Nonetheless, we’ve always managed to get through the problems we’ve faced and I hope that we forever will. To keep adding value to this relationship I will:
Spend more valuable time together.
Have more patience. Listen more.
Speak my mind more often. Be clear on what makes me feel uncomfortable.
Give more than I take.
In order to take the best decisions every day, start meditating consistently. 10 minutes/day. Don’t need to keep track. Just add it to your everyday schedule and DO IT EVERY DAY.
I am aware of the fact that these are not some very pretentious goals. The goal of this letter is not to impress anyone, but to document what I think and how do I feel about these thoughts. Also, all opinions are my own, and may or may not be shared by my family, friends, or my future self.
Thank you!
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