rirayofsunshine

[rirayofsunshine]

YouTube is 20% hardwork and 80% chance.

Making it in YouTube isn't as simple as it was before. Back in the day, it was mostly about being a unique personality. Now, it's about good sound quality, eye catching thumbnails, entertaining editing, interesting introductions, compelling conclusions, etc., etc. YouTube quickly became a business, and modern successful YouTubers are business minded individuals.

However, before being a business platform, YouTube, to me, is a self-controlled space where I can express two of my passions-- performance and art.

I could go into a whole other blog about my experience with a talent manager that forced me into a break from television acting, but the short and simple of that is YouTube allows me to control the environment that I perform in. I make the calls, I handle the setting, the content, and the schedule. I'm not saying that having other people involved is a negative thing. Being trained in theatre long before television, I understand and value the efforts of an entire army behind a production. However, being treated like a mere pawn and schemingly undervalued by an agency has really made me think twice about the difference between having company and having good company.

Soon, I will be taking formal headshots and investing into an open casting subscription to explore the vast entertainment industry yet again. But, for now, I'm happy with the little production space I get to control and call my own. I love my little 2 x 1 square feet area where I talk about anything and everything, sing, and talk about makeup. Right now, YouTube is a safe place for me to be who I am and perform without being vulnerable to the clutches of the entertainment industry's corruption.

Surprisingly, I'm growing slowly... and I do want it to grow. I love the aspects of community building and passion sharing that happens behind the scenes of YouTube. I've made some friends where we share tips and tricks and genuinely support each other on YouTube. This is where the business part of YouTube comes in.

Before I can be monetized, I need 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours of watch time. I would be lying if I told you I was anywhere near that. I may be putting in 20% of the hardwork required of me, but I have yet to be acknowledged by lady chance.

Here's what I've been doing to be noticed by the elusive chance-- I've been posting twice a week, investing in newer products to spark interest, keeping up with trends and holidays, commenting valuable and witty remarks on more prominent and similar sized youtube channels, learning more editing styles, enhancing my vlogging set up, and so much more. All I really need is one video to hit the algorithm... once I do, my next task would be to convince viewers to stay.

Despite working hard on pushing my YouTube channel and giving it all the chances it can to grow and thrive like a mother to her child, I won't ever sacrifice honesty and personality for business. I've seen YouTubers burn out and take breaks because of the pressure they've felt to be a certain way or act a certain way because it's what the business demanded of them. Right now, YouTube is a hobby that I want to be successful, and, should it turn into a career, I want it to be a place where I can surely thrive.

There are many things I can do to bump my numbers by tomorrow. I could spend some coin on followers. I could message channels that I'm not interested in and offer a subscription for a subscription. I could fake an illness to seem more relevant to the digital world. The possibilities are endless when it comes to thinking business-like... but I think that part of my business is being true to myself, my capabilities, and my growth.

I love YouTube and what it allows me to do. Sometimes, I'm bummed that I put out the 20% of hardwork demanded of me, but don't get the 80% chance needed to succeed. But my latest video, although not viral, has proved to me that some days will be better than others, and, perhaps, one day, I'll hit that 80% and be able to build a career from there.

If not, then you'll hopefully find me in the latest teen drama on Netflix. Till then, I will keep grinding the hardwork on my YouTube channel.

[rirayofsunshine]

It always makes me sad whenever I write a song.

I come out of a song writing session with a slow sinking feeling of misery. Which, thankfully, doesn't happen very often because I don't write songs as much anymore... but, then, again, I'm pretty sure that the infrequency of my writing is the root of my sorrow.

Songwriting used to bring me joy. I started when I was 6 with a song entitled "Stupid Love" about how marriage was the best and worst thing in the world. How I understood that at 6, I have no idea. I remember my big, fat, and very round scribbles all over a McDonald's notepad that I won in a friend's birthday party. That was my first song. I don't remember the rest of the songs that filled up the pad. However, I do remember being so proud of myself after writing and cringing hard after reading it for the first time in my adulthood.

I never told anyone that I wrote songs because I was embarrassed. First of all, who is this kid who thinks she knows ANYTHING about love?! Secondly, I didn't feel like it was cool. Writing in diaries with a glittery pink padlock and a tiny key hidden in your underwear drawer was cool. And, yes, I cared about being cool.

I hid all my little filler notebooks (I upgraded from McDonald party favors) not because I was hiding something, but because I didn't think anyone would like my songs-- until Ms. Taylor Alison Swift made it cool to be a songwriter. When I learned that she wrote her own songs and worked her darnest to get record companies to produce them, I was inspired. I didn't exactly knock on the door of Sony Music, but I started to be more confident in my skills.

Slowly, I started showing my friends the lyrics of my songs. I allowed myself to write during class (sorry, not sorry) and ask for feedback from classmates. I would tote my thick clearbook of printed lyrics to school whenever I felt like bringing it. I was proud of what I could do. So proud that I wrote my high school class' graduation song a YEAR before the competition, submitted it with full confidence, and won. 500 voices rang loud and clear singing a song I wrote in that theatre on a day we would all remember. All I could remember at that moment, was crying while singing-- because, for me, it wasn't about recognition. It was about being able to express what I felt about my high school experience and saying goodbye in my own words and share that feeling with everyone.

I wrote songs about anything and everything. I wrote about my experiences, about my friends' romantic exploits (because I... didn't really have any), about book characters. Elizabeth Bennet, The Rose from The Little Prince, Bella Swan (yes, collective cringe), and Annabeth Chase, among others, were inspirations for my songs. Someone could tell me to write about something, and I'd have it ready in 20 minutes. In university, I would spend half of my breaks alone, sitting in quiet hallways, watching people, imagining situations, writing songs.

Years later, I'm sitting in the bathtub when a verse comes to me, and instead of being excited about it, I dread it. I hold a position for so long that half my body has dried, and I think long and hard about my predicament. Do I indulge and write a song? What if it sucks? I'm not as good as I used to be. I'm never happy about the songs I write. Heck, I rarely write any unless I'm particularly happy. What if I hate it? What if writing it will just make it clearer to me that I've lost it?

And here is when I decided to shift in mindset. I got out of that tub, did my skincare, and set off into writing mode. I wrote about closure and forgiveness. The process took an hour. Is it the best? Not really. Are there some lines I'm proud of? Definitely the verse that came to me in the bathtub. It's cheeky, a little mischievous, but, overall, very human. Have I written better songs, hell yeah. Did I get sad after writing? A little bit. However, I think I know what the problem is.

I no longer have time to myself. It's funny because unless you work on something and really put in the effort to turn it into a skill, creative works will only really come in bursts. Not that the process of creating when inspiration comes is bad-- but if you want to improve on a craft, you need to hone raw talent else it gets duller and duller.

My songwriting craft is as dull as a butter knife that couldn't cut through freshly baked bread.

Upon further reflection, there are a lot of things I used to do that honed this craft without me intending it. I used to listen to all the songs in an album if I liked one song from it and listen hard to the lyrics so I know where to categorize the song. Did it belong in sunny tunes? rainy days? wedding day? I was a freak of nature.

Also, I read A LOT. And when I mean A LOT, I don't think you understand. I've read the entire Percy Jackson series 5 times. Harry Potter twice. The Bible (YES, THE BIBLE) twice. I rode on every YA series that sprung, and I also read the novels in my aunt and uncle's room. I never left the bookstore without a purchase, and read Shakespeare for fun (I don't think it's much fun anymore). I would hide pocket books under my desk and read during lectures. I lived in a beautiful world of fiction, and my library card was always full.

Things were different then. I didn't have to worry about anything but a few homeworks and quizzes here and there. Right now, I'm trying to navigate through life in a responsible way... but I seem to have mistaken a responsibility for dullness. It is my responsibility to make time for the child inside-- the artist, the creator, the songwriter.

Despite my busy schedule and demanding bills... perhaps I need to take a few moments to surrender to the beauty of literature once again. Maybe then, I'd be less sad.

[rirayofsunshine]

Hi! My name is Rianna, but you can call me Ri... and I have no idea where to begin.

I'm sitting in my bedroom in my purple checkered pajama pants and a cozy gray hoodie. I have 15 more minutes before I need to check the drier to see if the laundry has finished. I can't wait to feel the warmth of the clothes as I fold them.

I'm supposed to be streaming Old School Runescape on Twitch, but I was just so inspired to edit. I decided, for tonight, that I would start working on a video scheduled to go up in two days. However, my laptop had other plans. For some very frustrating reason, when I'd scroll across a clip to go through the frames, only the sound would work. The video would be stuck on one frame, and it drove me NUTS. My 6 year old laptop had been asking me to update its software for weeks now. The freezing frame was probably a sign that I shouldn't be putting that off anymore. So there I was, staring at the 20% update progress (now 27%), when I decided to revisit tumblr.

I had a tumblr when I was much younger. I used to waste hours and hours of my life scrolling until our ancient family pc could not handle anymore. I would refresh and be angry if there was not much new content. This process happened everyday during my early teen years.

This time, in my early (honestly, mid, but we're in denial, okay) twenties. Wait. Pause. I just realized that it's been a decade since my tumblr days...

Ew.

As I was saying, this time, I want to make my tumblr my own personal journal. When I mean personal journal, I mean like a REAL blog-- candid and without inhibitions. All the grit and all the disgustingly rainbow feelings.

I have a Twitch, a YouTube, and an Instagram. Although I am truly and honestly myself in those social media, I cannot deny that I show my "marketable self" depending on the audience of the media. For example, on Twitch, I show my geeky side, my gamer side, and probably my hosting side. On YouTube, my inner makeup addict, travel lover, and overall performer is on display. In all 3 of these media, I have a target audience, and I want to reach them. I want to build communities, spark conversation, and, hopefully, earn money doing so.

This is not one of those things. This is for me and the people I eventually choose to share it with. However, if you happen to stumble upon it, I hope you like what you see! You are more than welcome to stay, and feel free to treat this like any other blog page.

It's 9:13. I need to go check the laundry. Computer updates are still at 27%. Maybe I'll do a short stream... who knows.

See ya later!

Ri

(Fantastic artwork by Angela Dominguez)