richardgrannon-blog

[richardgrannon-blog]

Control inner dialogue. Pick a phrase, an affirmation or a statement of what you would wish to be and repeat it. Notice what comes up. “Bullshit!” “That will never happen!” Or whatever feeling comes up. It’s all an opportunity to practise and to become more aware of what’s going on internally. Try something neutral and repeat it over and over during the course of the day, commit to the discipline of it. Entrain it into yourself. See what comes up. Control your inner dialogue, your focus, your state and expaaand your emotional literacy 😁 maybe even some internal awAreness and boundAries May grow? #spartanlifecoach #nowzennowzen

[richardgrannon-blog]

Pro tip: basic NLP tings “internal dialogue” Control the words running inside your head to control your mental focus and manage your state 👍🙏😎 #spartanlifecoach #nowzennowzen (at Bebington)

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Walking tings (at West Kirby)

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Podcast with @richardalexanderwillett and shot by @dannycdirector in the podcast studio at @success4global today on munchausens, personality disorders, pop up books, Norwich friendliness and the need for setting boundaries in life by saying “no”. Video available on YouTube channel! 👍 #success4 #narcissism #spartanlifecoach (at Norwich, Norfolk)

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How quickly context can alter the perceived meaning of content 😂 #roastingisanart (at Starbucks UK)

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one two

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Hypnosis And NLP for Healing CPTSD live webinar tonight at 8pm UK time - more info on the spartanlifecoach Facebook page. (at Bebington)

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Own it.

[richardgrannon-blog]

“Love-Phobia” and Counter Dependency

Counter dependency issues and fear of the loving embrace. What did Freud mean when he used the term “love”? In a psychoanalytic sense, we probably should use their rather cold, anaemic term instead: attachment. Love (attachment) to the infant is far more primal and pre-conscious than the way “love” we would normally talk about it. The way we use it in our daily language, the way it is used in a love song or in a romantic comedy. Attachment is a preconcious survival drive that matures (hopefully) into what we call love. In this primal way effective attachment (love) is not choosing the best mate you can get but is instead more closely related to survival itself. In the primal way of discussing “attachment” love is safety, love is warmth, love is life, love is not dying out in the cold, love is another warm human being (with little or no thought to that entities appearance, tinder profile, favourite colour or future career prospects). Love is reaching out and touching. Love is being reached out to and connected with. To the small child we all once were attachment is life. Non attachment is abandonment, terror and death. It is NOT a choice. No wonder we are all a little “highly strung” and anxious around the topic of love. In this pre-conscious, primal, pre-ego state of the mini caveperson that a young child represents, attachment is more important than food and shelter. Think about it: attachment is the implicit promise of future food and shelter. Future safety, ongoing security and protection from the horrors in the night. The opposite of this love (attachment) is not “hate” or “disgust” it is death. Again: the opposite or ABSENCE of this loving attachment (libidinous, live driving connection) is the absence of safety and nourishment and care, which is death itself in the mind of the child. So when we as a very small child reach out to connect, quite physically to receive life giving calories from the breast, this is one of our most primal and reflexive instincts. To touch and to be touched. To receive “care”. We are separated entities, traumatically separated from the womb, hopefully with a loud scream of protest if we are to be deemed healthy by the midwife, who then once separated spend the rest of our lives seek fiercely to reconnect. The first humans we will seek to connect with are the ones who are most present. We call them parents, they might be primary caregivers, the psychoanlysts call them “primary objects”. Yes the term seems at first rather bloodless, cold and aloof. You may be detecting a pattern here. These are good and functional terms that offer great analytical insight, but they are frosty to the touch.

 The small, vulnerable open child reaches out craving attachment and safety. To be reassured, to be held, to be loved, to be valued. To be saved. What if in that reaching out, in the docking and the interaction between the child and the primary object there is a fault? An error? What if reaching out and connecting to a parent who is an alcoholic, for example, the emotionally labile, confusing and dysregulated behaviour is internalised by the child as a potential invitation for abuse? What if in forming that stable connection the child learns, to their horror, frustration and despair they have welded themselves to a sick, smothering, overheated chaotic engine that wants to greedily and violently guzzle ALL their fuel? What if the reaching out creates a dark, enmeshed confusing mess of coercion, mutation and boundary blurring between the frail, innocent child and a dark, corrupted, emotionally hostile adult? Then the child will learn the following “rules” to be internalised deeply as unconscious beliefs: Reaching out is dangerous. Connection invites hostility. Loving another can lead to enslavement and torture. Attachment is a cycle of pain and pleasure, punishment and reward. Connection is a game with winners and losers, and the winners (the tyrannical primary objects) take it ALL. You must FIGHT for your very survival! Do all you can to never be on the losing side ever again. Yes even it means becoming the predator, never let yourself ever be the prey…. Ever, ever again. In such a hostile and insecure environment what will the young human do? They will learn to protect themselves from the torture and pain that is INHERENT (according to their experience) to all loving connections. The child learns to say: forget love. Push it away. It hurts. Always. “If love is always pain and chaos and drama and disruption then I can learn to live without it.” However as the child moves into young adulthood, adolescence, the hormonal drive to procreate reaches a fever pitch. Though they may hate themselves for it (and hate the object of their affections for inducing such a state of “weakness” in them) they cannot help but crave connections with others. The individual is running a strict internal rule “no love, love is danger, love is pain and yet they are forced, compelled by their biological drives to connect. They learn to be distant, contradictory, manipulative, provoking, withholding, secretive, duplicitous, punishing (and rewarding) all in an effort to control this terrible, powerful, loathsome yet intoxicating force: The drive to attachment. Love itself. This damaged “attachment style” is called “counter-dependence”. This is the FIGHT to the codependent’s FAWN response. But we all will transition between the two to some degree. Counter-dependence = FIGHT against love, push it away. Show it disdain to control it. Co-dependence= FAWN and supplicate and merge in order to win love and control it. CPTSD is to some extent a traumatic (traumatised) response in an effort to control love itself. We can see from this how some counterdependents may look very much like BPD and NPD, and whilst all cluster-B have counter-dependency issues, not all counter dependents fall within the Cluster B. What can be done? People suffering with this issue would do well to: 1. Be humble enough to admit they have a problem and have the insight to see how much it is hurting them. 2. Seek to resolve their CPTSD and Emotional Flashbacks. It is the emotional flashback that causes the counter-dependent, push away fight response. No flashback, no counter dependent response. 3. Be philosophical and objective in challenging their own thoughts and feelings and their own self image. This self image can end up being a little grandiose as it was formed in DEFIANCE of a smothering and narcissistic parent. Hence the confrontational communication style and the tendency to demand certain unrealistic standards be met being backed with threats to punish/banish/abandon. Heavy topic. Hopefully it helps some people. https://youtu.be/A7SyttiYtt0

[richardgrannon-blog]

From Wim Hof. What a dude ❤️ @iceman_hof

[richardgrannon-blog]

Observe. Beneath the mental noise and the emotions is a watcher watching silently. Pure consciousness, beyond ego identity. Beyond socks. Even... beyond ice cream. When the urge to be an asshole arises, maybe you can catch it by watching silently. In the zen tradition they say “catch the running horse of your mind”. In the scouse tradition it is said “don’t be a knob head.” @healingprocessnow seen here. #nowzennowzen #theydodothattheredonttheythough

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'A therapists only real job is to lead you back to the truth. Jung said, All neurosis is the result of the flight from legitimate suffering; when we run from the pain that we simply have to endure. Being pain-phobic makes us very vulnerable and unsafe, and unable to gain traction. So first of all we need to cultivate the values of courage and bravery, and then we need to cultivate the value of vulnerability. No vulnerability, no intimacy, no intimacy, no love, no love, no life.' - Richard Grannon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdW2K1I8ys0' (at Quarteira, Faro, Portugal)

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Yesterday a bright glowing orb floated mysteriously in the sky emitting heat and light. Pallid folk crept forth from the homes to peep at its majestic brilliance in wonder. It’s gone again now. #mysteryorb #1000daysofnight (at South Parade west kirby)

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Can I make peace with my narcissistic ex? Unconscious Observer Effect - new YouTube video. Check it out as it’s dope af 🙌 🧐💥💯 into your brain🗣🧠 so you understand the 👁 of Sauron #toomuchcoffee #blah #emojigamestrong #narcissism #nowzennowzen #scouseland #spartanlifecoach #theydodothattheredonttheythough (at South Parade west kirby)

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New Podcast with Rich of success4 - enjoyed this one, went deep on how media gaslights people into stupified passivity. 😁 (at South Parade west kirby)

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1. I know what this. Used it. Don’t need it anymore. 2. I know it. I used it a bit then forgot. 3. I don’t know what this is. 4. Who are you? What is r2d2 opposite gollum? How do I make this stop?!

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“Meditation is the dissolution of thoughts in Eternal awareness or Pure consciousness without objectification, knowing without thinking, merging finitude in infinity.” Voltaire (at Marine Lake, West Kirby)