ribsandhipsandwritsts-blog

[ribsandhipsandwritsts-blog]

I notice

As a person who’s also dealing with a mental illness I feel like I notice a lot of stuff ‘normal’ people don’t see.

I noticed how the pretty blond girl in my class suddenly shut down when someone was talking about self harm.

I noticed how the boy that’s always helping others didn’t eat at breakfast, or lunch or dinner.

I noticed how the usually quiet girl was rubbing her wrists when she was nervous.

I noticed how the girl who’s always social suddenly got very quiet and put on headphones to escape the world.

I noticed how the friendliest guy I’ve ever met was hurting when everyone was talking about their loving parents.

I noticed how the skinny girl in my class stood still for a couple of seconds after she got up because she felt dizzy.

I notice the long sleeves, the tired eyes, the blank look, the big hoodies.

And if you just take a moment to look around, you’ll notice too.

——

2nd December 2018

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I dont know when this photo is from but wow I want to look like this again

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Oversized jumpers and Straight skinny legs

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If you feel like giving up because you’re not making progress

Remember that your body is capable of looking more amazing than you can even imagine yet.

I’ve lost over 100lbs and I can seriously say that at every single stage of my weightloss I’ve thought “I can never get any thinner. It’s not possible for me to look any different. I’m never going to look good”

And every time I lose more I surprise myself. My cheekbones stick out and my jawline is stronger every day. My thighs don’t touch. My cellulite is disappearing. My arms are getting so thin. My stomach is flatter than ever and my hipbones jut out. I can see parts of my ribs and chest bones, and my collarbones now show all the way across my chest leading to my sharp jutting shoulders. My knees and elbows are kind of knobby now.

These are things I never thought would happen and they’re beginning to happen for me.

Even now I see pics and I think about how I’ll seemingly never get there. But if they can do it so will I, damn it.

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oh hey sorry I’ve been distant lately…. I’ve been really busy having a brain that is bad

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im crying my best

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When you’ve ben sad for so long everyone stops caring and lets you sink more and more into the darkness

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i love ignoring things….. people…. problems …. responsibilities……feelings…..

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you’re not too sensitive. you’re not overreacting. if it hurts you, it hurts you

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me: *breaks down crying in the privacy of my own home*

my brain: you’re faking your emotions for attention. you’re just doing this because you think it makes for a cool personal narrative

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If I were a parent I simply wouldn’t take my anger out on my kids and then ask them why they’re upset

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i thought i was dead

i had a experience today where my body overheated i started to lose focus in my schoolwork my heart started beating so loud and fast and hurting like a mf and i thought “omg this is it this is how i die i am going to die in the middle of art class” then i decided to try to alert someone i tapped my friends thigh my breathing was shaky and loud and my face was red and tried to tell her “get the teacher somethings happening” all that came out was a scrambled mumbled sentence and i thought i was about to faint but she understand and the teacher got her to take me real quick and since she knew i was anorexic she got a proteing bar and made me eat that shit and the second i took a bite everything slowly started to calm down and i have honestly never been more terrified

dont take life for granted as someone with an ed it doesnt matter whether your bmi is high or low your heart can stop at any second

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