rhapsodyq

[rhapsodyq]

I’m finally going to my third year, so yayy I guess?

Okay, so I’m back here after a span of like 6 months? It’s been a long time. Things weren’t exactly smooth sailing either. Honestly, it was kinda remarkable then I went through all of it. If you asked me to go through that all over again, I wouldn’t be sure if I coulda.

So, when I recovered from my food poisoning from Croatia, I’ve managed to enjoyed life for a bit. Later, granddad passed away. I fell sick again during one of these days. It must have been some expired ham that I cooked for myself or something, idk. It was bad. Real bad. I remember spending 23 hours lying in bed per day and I was bed-ridden for like 2 weeks. It was not so much of the diarrhoea and vomiting, but the fever and the weakness etc. When the doctor told me he needed me to go down to A&E cos the fever couldn’t go down--something just snapped I think. My fear, ya know. I just got up, tried to do things normally and I recovered. 

However, as my illness recovered, my eyes condition went for the worse. One of my eyes was seeing things blurry. It got really bad--that I was constantly frustrated and could hardly read or use the laptop/ps4 etc. This issue stuck with me till the first two weeks of school--and holy hell it was bad. Imagine reading with a blurred eyesight. Also almost fell to my death from the school staircase. Couldn't read order food cause I can’t see shit. Sense of perception was totally distorted. Basically couldn’t enjoy anything in life.

I wasn’t too worried because this had had happened before--I knew all I had to do is to just go back to NUH and probably get some eye steroids. But deep down, there was this fear within me that my eyesight could stay like this forever. You know, like a permanently scarred cornea or something. 

I stumbled through the first two weeks of reading and classes feeling extremely down and insecure. Managed to get an appointment in the second week or something. The eye steroids took some time to actually work. It worried me a little cause the effects weren’t as fast as the last time. But yeah. I got my full eyesight back. I am forever grateful for this. 

So, I felt very afraid cause I was picking level 2000 mods. I’ve also picked up Social Work as an unrestricted elective--but I dropped it after attending the first lecture. It just seems like the whole “nice, caring, wonderful world” thing doesn't stick with me, so. Anyway, I’m just gonna dive in to the modules straight.

GES1005:

My last module for my 5 pillars. I’ve enjoyed GEH1004 immensely last term, so I thought this would be similar. It was, in certain ways. Extremely chill mod. However, the lectures were incredibly boring. The Caucasian prof just talked and talked his grandfather’s stories, and basically there was no point given. Nevertheless, I only skipped on one of the lectures and attended the rest in full. I went though a lot to shake off my rebel-punk persona in my life, so I didn’t want to return to that yeah. 

Tutorials were slightly more interesting to me. The TA was nice, and we had to get participation points for talking--fine with me, so. Also had a few response papers--also not too difficult. 

Group project was okay. Went down to a certain Huiguan, collected info, did presentation. Did a group report few weeks later. As usual, members who practically don’t give a damn, had to cover their asses. The girls were nice--just that they could be a little too critical on my writing style and honestly it stressed me out a little. 

Picked a lot of info needed for the group report via the Huiguan’s Facebook, then “salt-bae” in a little moral learning points. That’s it. I’ve aced the module. It was not hard. But did I enjoy it? Not really, but I am really not complaining.

Also, met my friend in FAS2 in this class. We attended some lectures together, hung out abit. But you know, the usual me. Incapability to develop emotion bonds with people. It was difficult. And I guess they kinda saw through me you know--that I wasn’t too keen on making lasting friendships. I feel bad. I feel guilty. They were nice people, after all. 

SC2101:

Dread. Full of dread before I took this module. It was a compulsory mod, so no way I coulda avoid this. My last experiences with a stats mod didn’t go well, so yeah, dread. 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I’ve expected. The prof was a super nice and enthusiastic lady. I loved her. The content was a little dry--found myself drifting off sometimes. There was textbook chapters to read for each week and as usual like every other FASS student---I couldn’t really keep it up, though initially I did it pretty well. 

Tutorials was okay, TA was nice. She remembered me even though I was super quiet in class. I guess it was the tutorial ballot form thing. So she basically went though what the prof did in summary. We also had two projects -- one is to interview people, the other is the goddamn stats. Yes. I was really into the interview assignment, and yeah I placed loads of efforts into it. I had the advantage of time (recess week etc), made loads of editing and rewriting. Got a good solid A. Thank god. The other stats was to be done in groups of two, assigned group members. Honestly, it was hilarious cause I was reminded of my IDC days. Computers, really not for me man. I was lucky to have a good teammate. But yeah. Stumbled through a little, but it was still okay in the end.

SC2216:

So, here we are. The notorious prof George--could kill you, fuck you up, make you cry for days. He’s actually a nice prof in real life--one of the nicest but somehow he leaves no mercy when marks the assignments, leaving us all dead. 

Loved his lectures, the lectures never fail to captivate me. Introducing Doctor Who on the first was a green flag for me etc. However, I’ve never really saw the “point” of all of his lectures. It’s just something really different from the usual sociology, you know. Like hell, how we gonna change the world with emotions even? But yeah, I eventually came to realise there’s just something so powerful about emotions, but people often tend to downplay that. 

Tutorials were extremely stressful for me personally. There’s this big thing on class participation, and the questions are randomly assigned. So basically, you have to prepare to answer the entire paper of questions before you come to class. But again, he doesn’t go too hard on us like how he marks the papers, so yeah. 

Term papers. They stressed me out a lot, honestly. I scored badly for the first two despite pouring all my efforts and time on it. It’s really demoralizing. It’s kinda of a response paper things--and I’m obviously not someone who’s really articulate at expressing their emotions, so disadvantage kinda. The third paper was about politics in Singapore---which I had a lot data and info on due to the Singapore Studies module I took. And guess what, I got a damn A for it. I was so happy that I almost cried. It was like finally getting approval from your parents whom never loved you, LOL.  

SC2206:

This module was okay, I guess? It wasn’t exactly hard, but it wasn’t easy either. The prof was from China, and at times I had problems understanding his accent. The content in this module was really abstract, not like the emotions mod one. So, at times I was completely lost. Lectures were dry and boring at times, but there’s practically no choice because attendance was counted. Yeah, his classes reminded me on Tenzin’s classes. Not big on the language, but heavy on the content. Opposite of SC2216. 

Tutorials were a breeze, really. It’s just basically sitting through other people’s presentation. I was sipping on my ice coffee throughout the tutorials, and trying to find chances to say something useful (for class participation)--but yeah in the end I didn’t talk much. Maybe deep down I was not much a learned person or something. 

Readings were not as hard as the ones Tenzin gave in previous sems--they were actually kinda interesting. But grasping the point from it was difficult at times. 

Group project. So for some reason, people taking this module don’t hang out in cliques. We all sat individually and were all kinda shy. I guess it made working together hard--cos ain’t nobody cared about each other. The guy I worked with ghosted on me the last minute--and I had to cover this part by staying up till wee hours of the morning. Then next day he turns up, with his own part done. What an asshole seriously.

So, in all. I don’t know how I’ve managed to survive this semester. I don’t know I could have done it if you made me go through it all over again. Yep, so I think I deserved some sort of pat at my own shoulder, plus some pizza and cookies for it, really. 

[rhapsodyq]

So we woke up and had breakfast before heading back to Zagreb. The breakfast place was really nice--interior details and such, with real cool artisan plates. Yep that’s the word. Artisan. Hipster and stuff. However, their food choices were really limited. But yeah. Nice staff though. 

I remembered spending long-ass hours on the bus. Pass through many places--some snowing, some waters etc etc. Was on my earphones most of the time. We stopped by Marche (again, lol) for lunch and all of us were very excited to see snow. I mean, there were snow at Plitvice, but this time it was literally snowing and the snow was heavy, 

Marche, although being a super famous brand and such, was quite disappointing to be honest. Just mainly filled out bellies, went out to take some pics with the snow--and cats! before continuing our journey to Zagreb.

When we reached Zagreb we all were a little overwhelmed by the number of people/tourists there. I mean, throughout the trip we didn’t really see many people In each destinations and Zagreb was the only exception. Very noisy, crowded and hard to navigate as well. So, we had this stood-in tour guide who was high school teacher. Tour members kept shipping him with sis, which was kinda funny cos sis displayed zero interest in him. Haha. Well you see, at the end of the day we are all merely animals who focus on the superficial and visual. Can’t blame her though. 

So, for some reason (the cold perhaps) I didn’t manage to take much photos, less to say nice ones. It was freezing so much that I just settled with taking videos in portrait manner. lol. The Zagreb cathedral was impressive though, but I don’t know why there’s not much excitement in me. I mean, I’ve seen the Vatican, so yeah ain’t no church can compare with that. The streets looks beautiful though, but there were so many people it just kinda turned everything off. Beautiful, but it doesn’t exactly stand out from the other European cities I’ve been to. The St Mark Church looked way nicer than it looks in photos though. I wasn’t sure about their decision to use mosiac/8 bit styles for a church but it looked good in real life. I’m impressed, I must say. One young caucasian lady went up to the “principal” of our fav tour members and asked him for a photo. Sis and I went “Wooooo” loudly--we swear it was uncoordinated and were pure reflexes hahaha. The principal looks bashful and it was hilarious. Then the girl tried to salvage the situation by asking to take photos with all 4 of em. Well, the girl has bigger balls than many of us combined lololol.

Afterwards when the tour ended, we were given free time to hang around before dinner. Sis lost her USD (Cause previously her bag was unzipped and stuff) and honestly, I was not really having it. I mean, she’s the most smart, kind, diligent etc person but carelessness is a really big flaw of hers. Haiz. Nevertheless, we continued to explore the city. Sis searched for the post-office to send out the postcards to her friends, while I was actively on the lookout for souvenirs. At one point I simply told sis it was too cold and I couldn’t walk anymore, haha.  

Got some cheap steals at some of their markets--got lip balms and some snacks etc, and a little house model at one of the shops. We then headed to the other side of the street to get some bread--not because I was hungry but I wanted a place to shield me from the cold, haha. It was 5pm in the evening but it looked like 8pm at night I swear. The city crowded, snowing, blasting with music etc. It actually kinda feels a little nice you know, to be actually around people and crowds after so many days. 

We met up with the group and went for dinner at this Chinese Restaurant. I mean we were all glad to be able to have some Chinese food after so many days. Cute waiter (looks very very young though), and there were tons of tour groups (from Taiwan). We were like the only Singaporeans out there. Everything was nice, veg was superb, meat was decent etc. Also celebrated the birthday for one of the tour member. We sat with our fav tour members and we’ve made tons of jokes. It was an enjoyable evening--I usually don’t like eating with people I don’t know but it was kinda the exception. Also, got a nice little glimpse into Croatian’s people lives. Saw people having night classes etc on the opposite side of the building, locals buying stuff at supermarket etc. It was quite nice. 

Afterwards, we headed back to our hotel. It was posh--I supposed it was an international hotel but it was disappointing in ways. The room was extremely small and dark. These two are like nopes for me, so yeah. We ate our bread, made some tea and then decided to head out for a walk (cause it was the last night and so).

So, sis decided I should lead the way. Honestly, it was just streets and there’s weren’t even much shops for us to visit. So it was just purely a night walk. Stopped by this beautiful building with a 2019 signage on it. Photo ops. I mean, sis could probably tell I was deliberately lingering around cause I didn’t wanna go back to the hotel room and spend our last night doing nothing. Got lost a little, but managed to head back safely. Also, had some interesting conversations with sis even though she was complaining about the cold throughout the entire walk. And of course, got a few stares from the people out there. I’m guessing they don’t get tourists often huh. One guy at the traffic light stared at me (he genuinely looked curious and not harmful) so I kinda smiled at him--then his girlfriend was pissed off, lmao I didn’t mean anything man. 

Went back, showered and I felt a little weird and uncomfortable before heading to bed. So, in hindsight, this was the part where all the nightmare began. Slept 6 hours, but woke up 5 times throughout the night to puke. It was worse by morning--told sis I had to skip breakfast. Could barely walked or pack my stuff.

And, the nightmare just became worse and worse. We were supposed to do some last minute shopping at a local heartland mall. I felt miserable all the time. Could barely walk a few feet in the supermarket--so I basically sat down at a common area while sis did all the shopping. Also, made tons of trips to the washroom because I was having diarrhoea. There was this common eating place--like a hawker centre kind. So I basically sat there while sis ate, and made numerous trips to the toilet in the meanwhile. The worse was, I experienced racism while I was at my lowest. A girl came up to me and put her tray onto the table and left. Like hello, do I look the cleaner to you??? Also, had a hard time finding seats cause locals didn’t want to share seats with us. Got stares from the tables nearby cause I didn’t order anything as I sat there, etc.

Those were one of the worse moments of my life. I’m vulnerable, sick, miserable and yet I was being outcasted with racism by the people around me. That was honestly not a nice feeling and at that moment I wished I was in Singapore. Man, never felt so homesick in my entire life. 

So thoughts of worries also flooded my brain--like what if I can’t get into the flight, how am I supposed to survive the flight while vomiting/having diarrhoea etc Luckily, time passes faster than I anticipated and I found myself at ease in the bus, on our way to airport. When we alighted, I was feeling nervous and awful again. Can’t even check in properly, made tons of trips to the washroom. Then, at one moment I just literally sat down on the airport’s floor, telling Raymond and sis that I can’t walk and I need a wheelchair. I just gave in totally. 

So many of the tour members came up, surrounded me and gave me medicine. Honestly, I was a little touched. Got anti-vomitting and anti-dirrehoea pills from one of the tour members and felt way better. Thank god for her, literally. The flight wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience--I skipped at the meals, slept throughout the flight and keep making trips to the washroom. The shaking motion of the plane didn’t help either--made me wanna puke so I held a bag on my mouth the entire time. Hilarious thing was, I found a nice empty seat near the toilet and fell asleep. Sis was looking for me, and the flight attendant got involved, haha. 

Transited at Doha, and the Mom (with her daughter) helped us to carrying our luggage. They were nice people ya know---they coulda avoided me like plague but didn’t. So I’m thankful for em. Also, Raymond asked me if I wanna to stay for a doctor--I guess I was afraid to be alone and sick in a foreign country so I said no and decided to hang on. And I swear to god--I was so relieved when I reached Singapore. And, also felt so much better due to the medicine. 

Yep. So that’s it. That’s how my trip ended. Was a total bummer at the end, but overall it was nice.

[rhapsodyq]

So apparently, the my favourite destination of this trip was over and to be honestly I was a little worn out and looking forward to go home already. Yeah, so I wasn’t exactly looking forward to visiting Split. The worse was, the rainy weather kinda made things worse. Slippery steps, the umbrella and stuff were too much of a chore.

Sis and I quarrelled a little bit due to the stuff of the slightest importance but we quickly patched up after that. We had this tour by a lady tour guide, who was dressed really flamboyantly. Elaborate accessories, heavy make up etc. And she talked with real confidence etc. So apparently, Split was a place in Croatia bearing Roman origins. So the architecture were very Roman-ish. We were brought to this cave place (which I don't really got what was going on) but yeah. It was pretty cool--the cave looked like it was about to fall apart, but somehow had very nice, cooling feeling to it, etc. We also hovered around the town and visited some churches--which reminded me a lot of the Vatican etc. Very beautiful and intricate details. But yeah, like I said, the weather made it very hard for us to take pictures, so it’s a shame.

The tour ended and we were given free time to explore the town. However, due to weather and the lack of exciting places, the tour group asked for a shorter free time (cos we all would rather go back to the hotel lmao). So yeah, 2 hours. Sis wanted ice-cream and I’m like okay..but it’s freezing cold. Didn’t really understood the rationale behind this crazy thought but I just went ahead with it. The ice cream was extremely nice though. Reminded me of the Gelato I had in Rome. Very rich, no artificial fake ass stuff. All authentic and nice. As usual, sis was lamenting about how Split was supposed to be the sunniest place of all but ended up having heavy rain the moment we reached. What an irony. 

We then went around the alley to see if they were selling anything interesting etc. But yeah, honestly there was nothing much. We fooled around a little, sang and shenanigans etc. Then we visited this chocolate shop--which had salt flavoured and olive flavoured chocolates. It was decent and pretty nice, but definitely not the best chocolate I’ve ever had though. Like, Bled had nicer salt chocolate, sorry.

We then headed to this Cafe cause we still had some time before the meet-up. Sis wanted me to practice independence and insisted I do the ordering. Well, I mean come on. I work part time as a promoter and YET SHE THINKS I have problem talking to people, what a freaking joke. But yeah. There were communication errors during the ordering but all ended up fine. We had hot chocolate and donut balls (again, haha). 

Afterwards, we met up with the group again and were brought to this restaurant for dinner. The waiter gave sis and I lots of attention (cause we smuggled our hot chocolate in). Okay, not smuggled but brought in openly. At first I was afraid that he would mind but he seemed to instead joke about it, ahaha. Like “chocolate and fish” joke. So all was good. He then kept talking to me throughout the servings, and winked at me for some reason, lol. It would be nice if he was a little younger though (He was literally a middle-aged man so HAHA). Then I began to recall how that middle-age shop keeper in Sarajevo winked at me too when I tried to haggle for a mug. He was like “next time it’s 30 Euroes, not 25!” etc but in a slightly suggestively way. lmao. So yep. I kinda figured maybe I was only considered attractive towards older Europeans, not the younger ones lmao. 

So, me having phobia towards fish, I didn’t finish my meal and tried to tuck the meat under the fish head to make it seem like I did. Cause you know, previous experience, so. Afterwards, we passed by a pizza place and Raymond asked if anyone wanted to get pizza. All stayed silent and he was about to continue walking. But I saw one of the moms having the same thought as me. I asked her if she wanted to get pizza, she excited said yes and somehow, the majority of the group went to get pizza with us. LOL. This was probably the most proactive thing I ever did throughout this trip, hahhaha. I brought the pizza spirits into everyone, so yay. 

We then head to our hotel for the night. The hotel was really luxurious. Elaborate and large reception, etc. Sis and I decided it was time to hit the gym, so yeah. We ate our pizza with our favourite lemon Coke Zero, then rested abit before heading out to the gym. I didn’t bring any gym attire with my for this trip, so I wore my sleeping clothes instead. And I felt so embarrassed throughout the session, haha. I tried on the treadmill first, but realised I had some injuries on my foot. So switched to the bike machine instead. And I didn’t sweat at all, so GOOD JOB FANG QING. 

Saw one of our tour members on our way back--we smiled sheepishly to them and they actually laughed. Like, they were the most stoic people I’ve ever seen and that was literally the first time I’ve seen the dude laugh. You know, kinda like an achievement unlock for PS4 AHAH.

The hotel room was a little disappointing through. I mean it was clean, fine, loaded with everything we needed. But it had a sailor theme--which I felt was a little off and lacklustre. Nevertheless, we had a good rest that night. 

[rhapsodyq]

So we woke up feeling really excited to explore Dubrovnik. I mean, it was the place that I was looking forward to in this trip, so yeah. We had breakfast at the dining hall, then went outside (while not being dressed enough) to take some photos. It was freezing ass cold, saw a cat and stuff etc.

So, unlike our other destinations, we didn’t have to travel a long ass distance/spend tons of hours on the bus. Ya know, the bad thing about this trip was that its winter--so daylight only usually last for a few hours and yet we spend so much time travelling on the bus each day. Yep. We complained about that a lot. But nope, not for Dubrovnik. It was just a mere 20 minutes ride away to the city from out hotel.

Sis and I were low-key wishing our tour guide to be hot (haha, I know) but it was just a regular middle age guy--whom sis said he seemed “tired” in ways. We can tell you know, not every guide is like the one we had in Sarajevo. I was totally amazed and captured by the beauty of the city itself that I barely listened to what the tour guide talked about. But I was a little familiar with the place having watched Hao Xiang went there. Yep. The tour with guide ended on quite a sad note--apologies cause I didn’t manage to fully get what happened, but apparently there was some war/fighting. And the room we were brought to were soldiers who sacrificed their lives in the process, etc.

The whole city had a very orangish vibe to it--and for some reason I wore yellow/orangish outfit (Idk If it was my subconscious but yeah). Glad that photos turned out nice! So we walked by this pub? and they were playing Foal’s Birch Tree. I fangirled so hard and that song just kinda became the “Dubrovnik song” for me. Hah. When we were released for our free time, sis and I first rushed back to try out the Dubrovnik Maskeron thing. Apparently legend says if you could stand on that slippery, slanted rock on the wall without holding on to anything, you would have the best luck in love and life etc. Sis and I were not very good at it though, haaha. We also thought to buy stuff (skincare products?) from the Pharmacy but ended up did not. I mean, when Hao Xiang went the pharmacy was flooded with people but when we were there it was quiet as hell. For some reason.

We then went to climb the city wall--which was part of the tour but was to be done individually for some reason but I really enjoyed this part. The views were amazingly beautiful. On one side you could admire the orangish architecture from a “vantage” point, while on the other there’s the view of the Adriatic sea. It was also the filming place for King’s Landing in Game of Thrones, so it’s a total plus one. We took a lot of photos. Like literally, a lot. And the whole climb looked way longer than expected too. It was like over an hour. We were all super tired but still very excited somehow. Ha. Saw some cute looking construction workers, tour groups from Taiwan, Korea, and tourists from US etc. It was kinda cool meeting people from all over the world honestly! Towards the end we were super tired--hence we sat down for a bit while sis googled for places to have lunch. That few moments were really special to me, really. Like I’ve never sat down and just quietly admire a place when travelling before. Travel and tour destinations were usually done in a rush--and I usually found myself not being able to really remember how they looked like afterwards, which is kinda sad. But it was different for Dubrovnik. I felt like I really had a chance to absorb/admire the place, so it was superb. Those moments, I was tired and all, but I just sat down on stone walls, and admired the city view infront of me--and I’m like how the hell did I get here? I’m hell of a lucky one. So you know, it was a little touching and stuff.

Afterwards, we circled around the city a little cause Google Maps couldn’t capture the places correctly for some reason. Also, some restaurants that were suggested by Tripadvisor were closed (probably due to winter). We ended up settling in this random restaurant which had super “sell-out” staffs. But they were friendly though. However, the food was lackluster and the price was insanely high. IT COSTED LIKE 80 SGD. Gosh. Also, had weirdly situated toilets that was outta the way. lol. Sis was having none of it. 

After lunch, we joined back the tour group and headed for our boat ride. We volunteered when they needed two person to join the other group--and we were welcomed by our favourite tour members, haha. So, the boat drivers were good looking, but were very aloof. So yeah. The ride was insanely cold, with all the sea wind blowing around. It was really shaky as well. One of the mom tour members were freaking out and it was hilarious. Then the tour members made jokes about how the boat driver looked like MJ and stuff. Cracked tons of other jokes. So it 40 minutes of ride wasn’t a dull one haha.

After the boat ride, we headed our way up the hill to have the “real vantage point” of the entire city. We had to sit in small vans, which reminded me of Cappadocia a lot. It was even colder on the hilltop, so no one were exactly in mood for photos honestly. However, the views were amazing though. You could literally see the perimeter of the walls around the city, together with the seas etc. Raymond also then made a remark on how sis seemed to be afraid of cold while I’m the opposite (cause sis was wrapped like a dumpling while I didn’t even bother to zip up my jacket). Sis then said because I was vain?--which is entirely not true and not cool. I ain’t that shallow man. Just wanna have a easy reach to my pouch!! Also the tour member with her daughter remarked on how pale looking me and sis looked. It’s the cold I swear.

We went back down and had some free time (again, lol). We walked abit, got some donuts and sat at this cafe and ordered hot chocolate. Trust me, anyone will develop a liking for hot chocolate in this cold ass weather. And sis was brooding over the “expensive mistake”. Haha. We then headed for dinner at this restaurant. They had some pretty solid pasta, but I swear anyone coulda made it by themselves at home. Waiter was also pretty nice, so that’s a plus. Sat with the tour member & her daughter. I like them a lot, honestly, seemed like very down-to-earth people. And it was cute seeing the close relationship between her and her daughter. It was pure and innocent, and was so nice.

Afterwards, we headed back to the hotel for the night. Wanted to hit the gym but somehow I was a little drunk from the slightly-alcoholic beverage we had over dinner, I was feeling really weak, but somehow really happy and found the most trivial stuff funny. A little dizzy, but I felt comfortable and warm on my insides. I felt like all my problems in the world were gone in that instance. It was a nice feeling. I can see why people drink to escape their problems now. Yeah. #totalpotentialforalcoholichaha

So nope, gym plans aborted and we rested for the night instead. 

[rhapsodyq]

We left Bosnia and continued our way towards Montenegro. Honestly, I’ve never heard of this country in my entire 24 years but I was curious to see what it was like--and in fact it didn’t disappoint!

We had to board this cruise ship to get into Montenegro. The bus boarded as well (ya know ships where it ferries vehicles as well as people). I told sis that I had that in Turkey (bus on ship) and she sneered saying she had experienced it in Australia as well. hah. The sun was crazily strong, thank god I had my sunglasses. Took a few photos and we reached there in no time (it was seriously a really short ride)

We first had our lunch before having the tour. So, we had some chances to look around the place before we were officially introduced to it. Honestly, I loved the place. It was very Venetian and indeed, it has Venetian origins! 1 point to me. Yay. 

Having Venetian origins, the people behaved like Italians as well. The restaurant literally gave no shit on the serving time--like true loud, no-shit-giving Italians. The food took so long to be served and we had to takeaway the pizza in the end. But but, the food was so good though. I’ve always loved Italian food and I absolutely loved Montenegro’s food as well. 

Although the food was superb, but sis and I were angry the entire time when we were eating--cos some stupid ass Singaporean? family insisted on sitting together and were “pushing” us to give up our seat to them. Haiz. I gave in, the lady was so happy but sis said that I shouldn’t have gave in. I mean, what were we gonna do? Just watch them eye on us like eagles? And Jesus, these people have some serious attachment issues towards their family. Just seat apart man, come on--won’t kill ya. 

And they had lots of cats swirling around their restaurant--it’s almost like the cat knows the customers have ordered and expected some “food donations”. hah. So in summary--food was great, but not the service or people.

So we had to go for the tour with a large pizza box hanging on our bag. Yeah. Honestly at that point I don’t really give a shit about how people view us anymore, lol.

We then met out beautiful lady tour guide who brought us around the town of Kotor. I mean, I’ve seen lots of “beautiful ladies” who were actually just being caked with tons of make-up, but I felt that she was naturally beautiful in some sense. #BisexualMeComingOutButYeah

However, I didn’t actually pay a lot of attention to what she said. You know, the place was too beautiful and I was really preoccupied with taking photos-”sauce” lol. But I do remember her saying how Kotor (its people) are products of intermarriage (among religions?) and stuff. Pretty cool, cause Europeans don’t usually seem like the liberal, accepting type so it’s something new for me I guess? 

After the tour ended, we were given free time--having options to either walk around or to climb up the city etc. Sis really wanted to climb but I really didn’t want to. Hah. I guess I was just tired from all the travelling these few days and I wanted to take more photos of Kotor’s architecture. 

So I won, we walked around the town and chanced upon this accessories shop. The lady was super friendly and stuff. Hand-crafted necklaces, rings and stuff. Bought one for myself and one for mom! Then, after walking around aimlessly, we decided go for the climb. We ended up having not enough time to climb the whole thing--so we just climbed literally a small quarter of it and came down. 

Also saw many cats and stuff. A cat tried to chase me and I ran, lol. Then the cat pounced on sis’s camera. So, like a true no-shit-giving Italian cat. lol. 

In all, I absolutely loved Kotor, but the thing was my mind was thinking about either Sarajevo (you-know-why) and our next destination--Dubrovnik all the time. I felt like I didn’t give Kotor a really fair treatment, so sorry!

We headed for Dubrovnik next and checked into out hotel for dinner and stuff. We spent some time in our pretty hotel room (honestly, gold wallpapers and damn) before realising our room lock was broken. Called the reception, they sent a guy but he couldn’t exactly fix it. So he just told us to slam the door really hard to lock it--and obviously we were unconvinced of all these bullshit. Took our Singaporean-complaining spirit and requested for a new room. 

Because of this we were late for dinner. But damn man, the hotel had some really cute-looking waiters/staffs. There’s this young staff who was polite and friendly, and there’s also this coffee-counter guy with specs, etc. Okay. They were cute. But the food were pretty shit, sorry. Sis literally took her own sweet time to finish the food and we ended up beng the last to leave the dining hall. And that staff with specs greeted us goodbye when we left. Cute huh. But yeah at the point I was tired of myself actually--constantly acting like I’ve never seen guys in my entire life lmao. So I held back on the fangirling, lol.

Afterwards, we headed back to our room with the broken lock. packed our things and went for our new room. Sis almost forgot about her heat-tech and almost left em in the bathroom, lmao. I was a little worried about changing rooms--ya know like Lucerne and stuff. But the new room was good and we rested well. 

[rhapsodyq]

So, we liked Mostar a lot but we knew little of Bosnia in general. Our agency tour guide kept talking about the upcoming destination, so we remembered the name pretty much tight in mind. Sarajevo. 

It resembled Mostar in many ways--I mean after all it’s the same country. So, I remembered the night before we were low key freaking out cause it was literally zero degrees in Sarajevo. So, we started out our day by meeting our tour guide at the Tunnel of Hope. which was apparently a portion of the remnant tunnel used in the Bosnian war etc.

So, our tour guide. I mean, on the first look he pretty much looked like an average Joe you see on the street, but he certainly does grow on you. A LOT. Nice blue eyes, really friendly, always smiling and stuff. So, yeah.

He first brought us to this room in the museum where we were made to sit down and watch footage of the war, and he explained to us what happened using the map etc. Sis commented it was like going back to school, ha. So, while we were watching the footage, I took out my gloves and found that my knuckles were bleeding all over. Yeah, so its like Central Europe all over again, huh. I freaked out a little, dropped my bottle cap on the floor and someone had to picked up for me. I was low key embarrassed, kinda. 

We then took a walk in the tunnel. It was really small--even for us Asians so I couldn’t imagine what was it like for Bosnian people with bigger builds etc. We kinda expected a longer journey, but truth was only a portion was open to the public and you could walk through it within 3 minutes? A little creepy and stuff, but sis and I went back in the second time to “get footage” for our travelling vids. I was a little reluctant to go in again alone with her, but it was not so bad after all. Yes, and of course I took the lead. The guide never went in with us though--not surprised as he’s like super tall and stuff. 

Afterwards, the tour guide hopped into the tour bus with our group and we headed for the old town. Very informative guy--explained lots of stuff on the way. He even made a comment saying he was late to join us on the bus because he mistook us for another group. Ha. Guess us Asians look the same to them huh. Very down-to-Earth and stuff, that guy.

So we walked pass the point where the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria was assassinated--I found it to be pretty cool to be honest. I didn’t know he was assassinated n Bosnia though, despite studying it in history etc. 

Funny thing--we could hear him whispering to himself (with some occasional coughs) through the whisperer (while we all were walking etc). For one moment I thought I was losing it--asked my sis and verified that it was not just me that’s hearing voices, haha. 

So we reached the old town of Bascarsija--honestly it looks way more even like Istanbul/Turkey as compared to Mostar. The flooring, colours, stuff that the merchants were selling etc--all very Ottomanish. The tour was coming to an end and I totally dreaded it. One of the lady in a tour then asked for a photo with him, and he agreed while making a joke that he should charge euros for every photo taken, ha. I asked sis whether she wanted to take one with him, sis said no, so nope for me as well. I mean, I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable--which he clearly looks, so yeah. Poor guy, probably gets hounded by hormones-y Asians all the time. He was really nice, and even tried to say bye the second time to all of us, etc.

Then we had our free time for lunch/shopping around. We weren’t hungry, so we hunted for dessert--specifically Baklava! Damn, I missed that. Also wanted sis to try since she didn’t went Turkey with me. So we changed some money, walked around, took some photos and finally settled in a Baklava Cafe.

The shop looked small, a little old. The shopkeeper and guests looked a little awkward to see us, but we’ve already got used to such sights by now, so that’s okay. We ordered Bosnian coffee, Turkish tea, and 3 types of Baklava each--Pistachio, normal and Nutella. NU-freaking-tella. That’s crazy. Genius, but wonderful. Totally loved their Baklava--it wasn’t too sweet like Turkey’s and just nice!

We initially set on the ground floor near the counter, but then moved up cause there wasn’t enough space etc. Sat on the floor upstairs, with beautiful skylight overlooking the Minaret. Amazing. Loved everything about the Cafe--but the Bosnian coffee was a little too thick for my taste though.

Saying this on hindsight--I actually saw the tour guide twice in the street after our group went separate ways etc. But I actually wasn’t sure if it was him or not, so yeah. I mean the whole time outside I was freezing ass cold. My fingers were entirely numb and stuff--you know, so I might not be thinking straight?? Maybe. 

We also bought leather goods from a nice old uncle--totally on impulse. Sis bought a handbag while I bought a wallet. That’s where all our remaining money went. Funny thing is we initially thought we would have no place to spend our money--but ended up spending all at one go.

Afterwards, we left the old town and continued our way to the hotel for the night. We stopped at this place--where this guy imposed self-exile on himself etc for religious reasons. Sorry, I couldn’t find the name cause it wasn’t on the tour list. Walked a little distance, with the rushing river on our right. Such a beautiful sight. There were these mountain/cliffs right on top of us--reminded me of twentyonepliot’s Bandito stuff too. The sun slowly started to set and the whole scenery was amazingly beautiful. Very peaceful and quiet too--there were  literally no one but us.

We then checked in to our hotel at Mostar--which was connected to a mall. Goddamn, the people actually smoked in the mall--like a goddamn chimney and stuff. Even in the restaurant we ate in. All those second-hand smoke. But the good thing was--the goods in Mostar were really cheap, and that food we had were really good. Italian food huh--still the best outta all. We then walked around their supermarket--yep a little frenzied cause the stuffs were really cheap. Suggested a bath bomb idea to sis and she totally went into it, ahaha. So we bought her bath salts at this Bosnian “Guardian/Watson” thing, very cool though. Went back to the hotel early--so sis was obviously not a shopper. Relaxed bit and rested for the night.

[rhapsodyq]

We checked out of the hotel and continued our long bus trip towards Bosnia and Herzegovina. The funny thing, we were so unprepared for the trip that we didn’t even know we were going Bosnia. Lmao. So we didn’t even get data for that country. Parted our data goodbye and went for Bosnia.

After a long ride we arrived in Mostar, a beautiful Ottoman-themed small town in Bosnia. It didn’t exactly remind me of Istanbul even though it had Ottoman origins though. It felt and looked exactly the way I imagined Bosnia would be like, so yeah. A little rustic, a little Middle Eastern. I’m seeing a little “Persian” side to this whole town as compared to Istanbul.

So, we first headed for lunch at this restaurant. Apparently Cevapi was one of their famous local dish here, and I had em so much in Turkey but I didn’t know they went by this name. So it’s basically grilled/smoked and salted meat, with Nan-bread like stuff. Had a lot in Turkey and I super loved it though. Cause me being the major meat-eater and stuff, duh! We had chicken chop for the main course (the Cevapi was the “side” add on) so, and the main course wasn’t impressive to be honest. Had Baklava for dessert and it was overly sweet as usual. Hmm. But I still loved it. 

After lunch, a nice, female town guide took us around, and damn, Mostar has some amazing views. Like sis said, this town is literally a water-colored painting that has come to life. A little Van-Gogh style, you know? The waters, the sky, etc. It was my second fav (after Dubrovnik, of course)

They were selling accessories, silverwares etc--pretty much like Istanbul. Loved their shiny, jewel-ly stuff. 

We were also brought into this Museum-Shop to view the War time tape to understand what happened to Mostar during the war. It was tragic--the entire Start Most Bridge collapsed and they salvage parts of the bridge from the water to rebuild it. Impressive, I would say.

Also, apparently there’s this thing that said the Sultan built Stari Most in this particular shape to resemble the eyebrow shape of his favourite concubine. Well, romantic but imagine what the constructors were thinking, hah. So I guess they went through a lot to build something that unique, probably wasn’t easy too.

The tour ended on quite a uncomfortable note--the tour guide brought us to this burial place and told us how people had to be buried vertically because there wasn’t enough space. Yep. Anyway.

We had free time for photos and sis was very excited, obviously. She’s usually not a vain person, but she ended up wanting me to take so many photos of her. She really loved the place, I can tell! She even went down to the river for a photo-op, which I suggested to her it was not safe to do so--so see who’s the rebellious one huh. 

And there were many cats around--there’s this thing with Middle East culture and cats. I don’t know what, but I like it. So many cats.

Again, I’ll like to emphasise the scenery-so beautiful, the blue-greenish rushing river with the Ottoman style architecture.--loved it. 

We then left the town and head to Sarajevo for our overnight stay. Impressive hotel, really huge and stuff. Interior design was superb too. Had dinner at the hotel. Sis managed to snatch some fish. Everyone else saw and wanted it too, but they didn’t have enough. Our tour guide was literally dragging the waiter and demanding the fish, which the waiter replied “okay, okay!”. Lmao. I bet the waiter be thinking like, what’s the Asians’ obsession over fishes. Haha.

So, the hotel room was huge. It took like over 10++ steps from the bed to the bathroom. The beds were super-single with large ceiling details. Damn. Loved that place. So cozy and comfy. But yeah, still had to slave and wash out heat-tech even we were on holiday. Sad. 

Did a little fooling and joking around, drank some hot beverages (as usual, lol) and rested for the night. 

[rhapsodyq]

So, the hotel had a pretty solid breakfast but I wasn’t much of a fan of salted ham and bread all the time so. Sis also insisted we went outside to take photos--and it was really cold.

So we headed off to Plitvice Lakes National Park, one of the destinations which I was really excited for. We had German style pork? for lunch and damn it was good. Totally didn’t hold back. Ha. Did a little bonding with the tour members meanwhile too--they’re middle age, but savage and funny so they’re like our favourites I guess.

Unfortunately half of the park was closed due to the snow. The tour guide was very good looking though, looked like he walked out of Game of Thrones and stuff. Not to sound creepy, but what a Nordic boy. But he was, in fact not the best guide. Yeah. He walked really fast, didn’t really bother to explain stuff, and the only good thing he explained was how a bear got into his village. And the whole “tap me on the shoulder” thingy. 

We took a river ride to the Park and it was awkwardly long and boring. I swear to god, even the ride at River Safari was much more interesting that that. 

So we walked a crazy amount of distance, most of the time trying to catch up with the guide though (lmao) and managed to see the beautiful waterfalls from above (but not close-up). I was pretty bumped about it. Imagine what kind of photos we could have taken if we could go down!

The lackluster tour ended and we headed to Zadar for the Sea Organ. Our guide insisted that we didn’t need to see, but instead hear so yeah. Practically nighttime when we reached, couldn’t see a damn thing. But the sound was pretty cool though. And sis asked some smart questions (guess this is what separates me from her, lol)

Had free time for dinner, and honestly, Zadar looks like a place that’s pretty old/run down. But it had some Rome vibes to it, so that’s a plus. Also, tried Calzone (yes, Ben Wyatttt) for the first time and I wasn’t disappointed! Bits of nightlife and pub over there, and headed to this cafe just to use their toilet. Ordered a cake and drink for that. Also, met our favourite tour members here and they were funny as usual. They left after abit. Sis and I had quite a conversation while eating, couldn’t remember what though.

Headed to the hotel afterwards and got a little sprain on the back while carrying the luggage. So yeah, a little bit of quarrelling with sis. And she was complaining about the downgrade from yesterday (but I didn’t mind so much though).

[rhapsodyq]

So, I obviously had a good rest, and woke up excited to see what’s there more for Bled. Had breakfast while facing this amazing lake view. Afterwards, we took a boat ride to Bled Island, led by this lady tour guide who was really nice etc. Lake rides are nice--they’re so peaceful and stuff. We actually had to enter and exit the boat by a zig-zag fashion cause the boat was really small. 

There were 99 steps (I think) leading up to the Church. You know what they say about romance and legends. My stamina doesn’t work well when it’s cold, so. yep. Pro-tip: When you tired, pretend to stop and take photos. HA. The Church itself wasn’t like dead-ass gorgeous type, but it was beautiful in a simple way. I’ve managed to ring the bell and make a wish though I can’t remember what I wished for. 

The steps leading up to the bell tower was beautiful-loved the timber work and the little details. A little Kengo-Kuma, you know?

We also saw Alps in the distance while waiting for the other batch of tour members. It was amazing and we got all exited and worked up. Reminds me a lot of Switzerland. The tour guide says the other side of the Alps is actually Austria, if I’m not wrong.

Again, we had few hours of free time before moving on the next destination. We first went up to the castle thingy. Climbed hell lot of steps. I mean, most of the tourists were panting and stuff so you know that ain’t exactly easy. I mean, thank god it was super cold--would’t know how to climb in a hot weather like SG’s. Apparently according to sis it was a little disappointing (wasn’t really worth the climb and stuff) but we managed to get an amazing panoramic view of the lake so that’s a pretty plus.

Went down, grabbed some lunch from the street stores. Had super-big pretzels,  and was slightly bland as compared to our local Aunt Anne’s. Bought sausage too (post Ljub cravings lol) but it wasn’t exactly good either. Tried their famous Bled Cake--it tasted pretty good, spongy but it wasn't exactly special. Bought hot chocolate and it was way too syrupy for my taste.

After lunch and stuff we headed to Postojna cave. Honestly, I did minimum research for the trip and wasn’t clear where we were going most of the time. But I ended up loving the place quite a bit. Perfect cozy temperature in the cave--around 10 degrees, not too cold or hot. Rock formations were amazing too, place was really large and stuff. Had to walk up these slippery slopes to get to the different areas. 

I loved the train ride though--but some raindrops fell into my eye and I basically ended up worrying if I’ll get an eye infection the entire time. Honestly? I didn’t managed to fully immense myself in the experience. Yayy. Great. 

The tour guide was low-key funny though. I would say he had stoic aura in him and he kept making “cold” jokes--Al Dante, Chicken or Egg stuff (LOL) and now it’s an inside joke between me and sis. Ha. 

Talked to our Chan Bros tour guide abit, managed to snatch some sovenirs (Some stones mainly) and we headed our way for dinner.

So apparently when we reached our dinner place it was already super dark, and the vincinity was really empty. Felt bits of blues, you know. Had this fish meal at this restaurant. And me, being super afraid of fish, couldn’t finish the meal and got shit from the waiter (I mean he was trying to be funny by feeding me and stuff but goddamn it was embarrassing.) 

Headed for the hotel afterwards, and sis being sis, was funny and asked “where is the hotel?” when it’s actually an underground structure. Pretty cool in my opinion, never seen hotels like those before. So it was a super upgrade from day 1′s hotel honestly and sis and I loved it absolutely. The style of the hotel reminded me of the one I stayed in Florence--dark, modern style but better. Also there was this cute staff who smiled at me. Wasn’t really sure if he was smiling at me so I didn’t smile back, and he just vanished after. He looked pretty young though.

So we spent our night marvelling at the hotel upgrade as compared to yesterday, lazing around and having hot drinks and stuff. And of course, the washing of heat-tech and stuff. Worse yet to come. 

[rhapsodyq]

Apparently, sis and I wasn’t exactly prepared for the trip. On the day itself, we went around Singapore, running errands and doing last min prep for the trip. I also happened to have a cold, so I wasn’t exactly on excited terms. 

To be honest, I boarded the flight to my Balkans Trip with more worries than excitement. Slept a lot, and didn’t use much of the inflight entertainment. The 11 hours passed more than I’ve expected. There was this cute in-flight attendant, so, yeah anyway.

We reached Zagreb around morning. Zagreb airport--honestly had nothing much and it ain’t Changi. Saw the view of the sunrise when we walked out of the airport and to be honest it was amazing. The sky was entirely purple, with tinges of reds and blues while silhouette of the trees stood out from within. And it was really cold. And we were kinda under-dressed for the weather. The borders check thing took awhile, and we made a little stop for breakfast at a local Marche (yes, Marche). Apparently their Marche wasn’t some high end food but really down-to-earth highway stops. We didn’t know how to use toilets and coin system, and a local had to teach us, so yay, embarrassment.

After a short drive, we reached Ljubljana. The tour guide was a lovely and chill guy, who certainly lifted our tired spirits from the long-ass flight. Ljubljana was a gorgeous city as well. I’ve been to 6 European cities/countries but it was nothing like I’ve ever seen. It feels like a land of fairytale. White, pale-coloured buildings, with tons of markets and townspeople walking around. You could smell hot red wine in the air, and there were Christmas markets. People did look at us a little weird though. Supposed they don’t get many tourists there.

So, obviously, the tour guide was very charming and all but I don’t really remember much about what he said. He would occasionally make some jokes/cold humour etc. Occasionally the tour members would harass him a little about his private life. Poor guide. 

After the guided tour ended, we had about a few hours of free time in the city. We were excited (finally excited), took lots of portrait mode photos etc, and went up the hill. A nice lady from New York complimented my shoes (yay, cause I’ve spent hours deciding whether to buy so ha.) 

We went to this sausage place that the guide recommended for lunch. The shop was small, but cozy. Slovenians, hmm. There were two groups of people there, and they left upon seeing us (Honestly I have no idea whether it was intended/racist or not) but I hope not. The shopkeeper was nice though. Recommended us what to eat and stuff. So we had sausage, bread and this soup that tasted really Chinese. Sis was all over the food. Afterwards, we got back to the street and got milk from this vending machine--that tasted a lot like Meiji, but fresher though. Not bad. Almost knocked onto this middle aged man on bike, and he went like “Jesus, fuck off!” on me. So yeah, I think they’re a little racist in general. Shame for such a beautiful place. 

We went further down the street--got some red hot wine and cheerios. I’m not so much of a wine person myself like sis, but they were amazing. Actually, anything hot a cold weather is amazing. yeah. I’m actually glad I got an iPhone cause portrait mode makes everything look 10 times more amazing. ha.

Afterwards, we continued our journey towards Bled. It was already sunset when we reached, cause of winter and such. As we walked around the hotel, I heard some taunts from the locals? nearby (Actually I'm not sure if they were taunts or catcalls but I would want either). Sighs. The hotel itself was lacklustre to be honest, but the lake view (Lake Bled) was amazing

I mean, honestly, do I need more elaboration?

We actually wanted to walk around the entire lake but we were losing sunlight so we didn’t proceed. So we walked around the main areas instead (had time to spare before dinner). Apparently there’s tons of resorts surrounding Lake Bled, so there’s also plenty of shops! Went to this nice and cozy little Chocolate shop and bought Salt Chocolate. Apparently it’s a popular thing there. 

We walked further to the remote areas looking for ropes and stuff--for my loose-ass pants of course, and got some jute from a local bookshop. Stocked up our water supplies from a local supermarket too.

By the time we had dinner I was way too tired. Honestly, I didn’t even know what I was eating. I could barely remember. Some tomatoes as appetiser? Went back to the room afterwards, showered and slept in a bathrobe (cause I was too tired to care). 

I really had a good sleep, despite the room being kinda old etc. Floors were creaking, tiles were popping out--can’t believe that’s the hotel that Melania Trump lived in but yeah. I slept well, so all is good. 

[rhapsodyq]

So, here I am. In 2019. I mean, I didn’t think I would make it this far. All those years of helplessness, meaninglessness etc--I thought one day I would just push myself off the edge. But here I am. The pain is still there, no doubt, but I feel that they have evolved. Somehow they have become a part of me, part of who I am actually. 

I have been very sick. I’ve spent lots of time sleeping, in misery, contemplating about life etc. Perhaps my illness have gone away for now, but I feel like something else is still there. I’ve never felt that vast amount of loneliness within me before. That fear. That uncertainty. In the past, they were there too but I wasn’t really afraid. This time round, somehow, I feel otherwise. It’s a kind of emptiness. Watching people around you being able to cope and move on but yet you are just there, clinging on to the meaningless. I’m only 24, but I feel like parts of me are fading away. Sometimes I feel that this life--it’s been going for way too long. Sometimes I feel like I was supposed to push myself off the edge. But sometimes I feel like it’s unfair, you know? Why do people get to be normal and happy etc, but not me. I feel like I’m never truly happy--for whatever I do. Even the Balkans Trip was a temporary relief from all my problems. In fact, I have to constantly worry about my problems even when I’m enjoying myself. So, what’s the point of all of these? I mean, if I’m gonna live like that for the rest of my life, might as well don't? 

I know it’s a extremely selfish thought. I’m been holding on because of the people around me, mainly my mom. She already lost so much. I can’t imagine what would it be like for her if she loses me. But other than that--I’m mainly fine with this “route”. It’s not just sadness, but rather there’s lots of anger. Spite. Rage. Questioning whoever upstairs that made me this way. Telling him I’m not afraid to end this and take all of these away. I have the right to live, and so I have the right to take my own life too. At this point, I’m not even afraid. I’m even ready to be honest. I know that’s kind of fucked up--to be talking about stuff like this so casually. But these thoughts have been with me since a long time ago--so really, I’m not that emotional as I’m typing this. 

Well, maybe I need a therapist. But I always feel like that’s a “white people” thing you know? A therapist can’t make my physical problems go away. Can’t undo the damage in my mind. The awful stuff. So really, what’s the point?

Honestly, I’ll be lucky if I can make it to the end of this year. 

[rhapsodyq]

“Summer” Vacay 18′ updates??

So here it is, my holidays coming to an end soon. I’ve tried the whole traditional style blogging thing, aka “writing on paper”, but the whole thing felt too pretentious.

I’ve worked a bit. Constantly stuck in a dilemma of whether thinking this damn job is worth it or not. I mean, pros gotta the money, but cons are probably the fact I’m wasting my precious holiday time when I in fact, do not really need the money as I’m a fortunate being with a loving mom (who provides me with ample pocket money etc)

But again, it kinda got me thinking-what’s the definition of wasting time? Does binge watching Netflix count? Does binge playing AC Origins count too? Then, does promoting some goddamn product then you don't really care about count too?

Anyway, as a movie enthusiast, I’ve watched plenty of stuff over this period. Many horror films, any family friendly films with Adam Scott in it (LMAO), shitty Netflix shows (Yes, Hemlock Groove it’s you), and fell in love with the Thirteen Doctor (non sexually way of course) over this holiday. I think it was great honestly, I mean yeah it may seem like time-wasting to some, but I remembered a quote from John Lennon, “ “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.” So, hell yeah I guess? 

Played Far Cry 5, played Detroit: become human, hopped back into AC Origins, had some movie/dinner dates with some of the Chenners. Honestly, its great I mean. 

But yes, I’m struggling with my addictions still. Holidays tend to push me over to the edge. The constant need to eat much, and need for icy stuff. Sometimes all the hard work into exercising just blew off with my freaking Oreo sticks. Yes, I know. 

And yeah, lost my voice for like 3 weeks, and I’ve not fully recovered yet thanks to my above-mentioned addiction. hah. 

And there’s this millions nano-anxiety within me about school. I mean, it feels great to have the pride of being an “NUS” student. Makes you feel smarter, makes you feel like you're an intellect or some shit. But at the end of the day, I still question myself: “Am I worthy of this?”. Or have I just stumbled across this by pure chance and luck, while a bigger storm is waiting for me out there. 

Also, this is the period of my life where I don’t have an unhealthy obsession over celebrities/fictional characters etc, etc. It gives me space to think about what kind of life I really want, and I do I really need companionship etc. But yeah, I think at the end of the day, I’m better off being alone. I can’t stand people, can’t trust them. So there’s no way any of that is gonna work, and I can live with that honestly. Just that people gotta stop asking when am I gonna have a boyfriend or something, honestly it’s just so awkward and annoying. 

Also I do feel really bad on the inside about the whole upcoming “sisters-Europe-trip”. We plan to visit Venice as well etc. Yes. I feel bad for not being able to pay for that on my own, and yet having the constant “wanderlust”. But honestly, I’ve watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and I felt that was so “me”. I don't know. Maybe I’ll spend my entire life feeling like this. Not knowing any meaning or purpose, and the constant dreaming to be someone else, somewhere else. 

Well, yes I admit. I’m afraid. I’m confused. People of my age got their life all sorted out, but for me, I still don’t really understand all of these. I don’t know what I really want. I don’t know what makes me feel happy/accomplished etc. I want to change the world, but I don’t know how to. I don’t understand my own emotions. I don’t understand how I can make imaginary conversations with people while talking to people in real life at the same time. I don’t understand what my nightmares/dreams mean. I don’t know what I’m good at. I don’t know how to safeguard my future. I don’t know everything. 

Growing up, facing life. Growing that awareness, fear, uncertainty. All of these. Right now, is certainly quite terrifying. 

Sometimes writing can make me even more confused and scared.

So let’s just end it here, for now. 

[rhapsodyq]

#TurkeyTripPanoramasPart2

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#TurkeyTripPanoramasPart1

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Taiwan foodseries

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#FOBSG2018

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Embracing the Purple.

Okay, so I’m gonna talk a little about #FOBSG2018

I mean nobody (or maybe just me) were expecting them to visit SG. When they announced it everyone was like super hyped. Unfortunately, my friend wasn’t willing to go with me since the last Panic’s experience (queuing time, squeezing perhaps). So I bought the ticket alone, with the intention of hitting someone up through twitter later (cos honestly, it’s not really possible to queue alone in such circumstances)

I managed to talk to someone through Twitter, and she seemed pretty nice and all. We interacted via Twiter and exchanged numbers. We were talking much initially, but it kinda just died out. I mean I thought we were still going together till the days before the concert-I msged her, she had no reply and I realized she unfollowed me for a while now. I mean come on, seriously? How high maintenance do you need? Although she’s kinda blamed it on me saying I didn’t reply her stuff (whatever that is), but I figured on when wanted to bail one her cousin decided to go last-min. Okay, whatever. I mean she seemed shady and all, constantly fantasizing about European guys etc. All these while I’m following her on twitter, wtf. 

Fast-foward to weeks before the concert. LAMC had meet-and-greet contests, and the first one was the Photoshop one. I mean I had lotta faith in my own skills etc, but in the end they gave to a Thai girl with a fairly good PS skill (better than mine even). Idk, I just feel like the judges were probably some 18 or 19 year old interns who have the attention span of a baby or something. They were looking for wild, crazy, funny and unpredictable stuff. And honestly, I’m not that man. I don’t stoop that level, no.

Anyway, I kinda voiced out to LAMC about the fact of why were they giving out the prize to non-Singaporeans (people who literally just come SG to watch etc), instead of a pure, local representative. Okay, I sound pretty much like trump, but is kinda a fact. Honestly, I’m so tired of people using Singapore, while locals constantly get overshadowed and left out as a result. Everytime. Celebrities favor our country for some reason, then the concert gets bombarded by tons and tons of Asian fans from other countries. Am I salty? Maybe? But am I right? Yes.

Oh, and also, there were lots of saga regarding this winner-people were claiming that she cheated, cos she participated simultaneously in two contests at the same time-one for ticket holders, the other not. Even though the organizer allegedly “verified” with her that she had owned the ticket before participating, but really who knows? There’s no receipt or soever, she coulda bought it after she won??

Yeah, anyway, I’ve managed to meet another Twitter user who’s willing to allow me tag alone through all these Twitter saga. 

The second emoiji contest-I kinda really put my heart out for this too, and in the end the prized one that didn’t answer the question at all, like I said. Prized cos she was creative, humorous in the attempt? LAMC is a group of teenager interns who can’t understand or read shit maybe. 

I mean, honestly, I was pretty weary by all these stuff (plus more own greed) and I didn’t feel like going by the time of the concert. It’s true. 

But yeah, I went. Coordinated with my twitter friend, okay I wasn’t willing to queue overnight like they did. I reached around 7 plus in the morning, and joined them (and they were the first in line!) I felt super bad cos there were already people behind her and I just cut the line. Technically, that makes me the third in line, so yeah. It was pretty awkward tbh, didn’t even asked for her name and she didn’t ask for mine. We talked abit, but most of the time she just talked to her own friend etc. 

13 hours of wait. The last four hours were the “crucial” ones actually, felt super nervous about whether I could get the first row or not. Apparently, my twitter friend + her friend got summoned by LAMC as the “First in line” and managed to secure a meet and greet with the boys, plus entering the venue first! Like god, FQ. If only you didn’t sleep and queued overnight. But I still wonder if I queued with them all the way, would LAMC had accepted 3 instead of 2 for the “first in line”. Probably still not, but still.

So yeah, the security checks. When the doors opened everyone just ran like mad into the venue. Queued for the wrong queue for body check, and people just cut through my queue afterwards. Still got the barriade row, but was really on the side. Whereas people who were behind me originally got places more towards the center, like wtf. 

But anyway, it was really a cool experience-I mean I’ve never got a barricade view in any of the concerts that I’ve gone to. The boys in HD, clearly seeing every one of their movements and full engagement/interactions. Pete does look at the fans in front, including me! It’s not just one glance, but multiple times. It’s like I’m been blessed by God or something. Also, used my phone for the recordings cos there were really strict this time. Yes, and it ran out of storage after a while. Imagine FOB is singing AB/AP while you’re just standing in the front row, casually deleting your pictures and apps. Fuck iPhone. 

But still, a totally amazing experience. I was really afraid of pushing etc like what happened in Panic, but surprisingly they were civilized people, so yayy. I still had to grip really tight to my barricade cos some of them were trying to “squeeze” into the front row. Okay, get off, weasels. 

I mean overall, it was definitely worth it. Worth the price, worth the queuing whatever. Patrick’s live was amazing-in fact he may be the best vocalists out of the “Holy Trinity” LOL. Would I go again, likely yes. 

At the end of the day, yes I do enjoy their music. I like the boys in general too. But I feel that the whole fandom is toxic, childish, immature and stuff. The friends of the Thai girl defending her and swearing at others? The remarks on the winners who won the contests? etc, etc. Also, I feel that FOB brings out the worst in me. The greed, the jealousy, the anger etc etc etc. It makes me feel like I’m an immature 16 y/o teen. I’m not liking that, and I can’t control it. The suspense of the contests literally makes me anxious, and this is not the way I should be living my life. I have my own life, it does not revolve around some punk band alone. I really hate this version of me. 

Also, opinions. I think Mania is the worst album the boys have made so far. Stay Frosty was crap, Sunshine riptide had potential but just failed in the end. Don’t understand Heaven’s Gate. Young and Menace? Cool but the dubstep makes it feel like its catered to the logan paul community. Their older works? I don’t listen to it, and honestly, I don’t care about Saturday or Hum Hallelujah. Am I a fake fan? Maybe. 

Patrick’s lack of creative freedom in FOB. Mania is a complete work belonging to Pete, it’s totally obvious, that’s why is not “good”. I don’t like that. I don’t like Pete is taking over everything-hoho, emojis, slangs, and trends hahahahahaahahah. Okay. “We need our music to be vibrant to attract attention, doesn’t matter whether it’s good or not.” Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing on Pete. It’s just that I don’t like the direction FOB is heading into. Like after pushing back the release for 4 months just because you ain’t feeling it, then presenting “this” as the final product? Seriously?

You see, its such stuff that makes me want to rethink my life. Deep down, I don’t agree and like these stuff, but I just pretend I enjoy it and embrace the purple fully on the surface etc. It’s almost like it’s not me. 

So yeah, I do love them a lot, but I think I might need to take a break from all these for a while, perhaps. To rethink my life, rethink all of these.